Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 414. Let go of the idea it could have been different (E)

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414. Let go of the idea it could have been different (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:14
Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to today's episode. So
0:17
Speaker 1: this episode is all about kind of how to stop
0:22
Speaker 1: giving your past your power, or how to stop giving
0:25
Speaker 1: your power to your past, and how to stop thinking
0:30
Speaker 1: that things could have been different and being stuck in
0:32
Speaker 1: that mindset of, oh my god, if only this had happened,
0:35
Speaker 1: then I would be in this position, or if only
0:37
Speaker 1: I had stayed in that relationship, or if only I
0:39
Speaker 1: never dumped that person, or if only I had done
0:42
Speaker 1: something differently and I wouldn't have been dumped x y z, etc. Etc.
0:45
Speaker 1: So that's kind of what I'm going to be talking about,
0:48
Speaker 1: this idea of how much you end up feeling stagnated
0:53
Speaker 1: because you're living so much in your past, regretting something
0:57
Speaker 1: or wishing something was different, etcetera, etcetera. We're going to
0:59
Speaker 1: turn that around. I'm going to give you some tools.
1:01
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you some things to think about
1:03
Speaker 1: to focus on, so you can fully turn that around,
1:06
Speaker 1: turn it on its head, and really put your focus
1:08
Speaker 1: in the now and in the future. Okay, So that's
1:11
Speaker 1: kind of what we want most of our focus to be.
1:13
Speaker 1: Of course, you're going to be reflecting back on the
1:15
Speaker 1: past to reminisce and this and that. But I don't
1:17
Speaker 1: want you to be stuck there to the extent where
1:20
Speaker 1: the world is passing you by and you're thinking those
1:23
Speaker 1: weather glory days, those weather days, and just having that
1:26
Speaker 1: mentality of it's never going to be as good as
1:28
Speaker 1: it used to be. Because if that's the case, then
1:30
Speaker 1: what the fuck are you doing with your life to
1:34
Speaker 1: think that all the good times are in the past.
1:36
Speaker 1: Is you're setting yourself up to be very disappointed with
1:40
Speaker 1: your life situation, okay, and then because of that, you're
1:43
Speaker 1: less likely to be proactive on things that are going
1:45
Speaker 1: to make your life, you know, more enjoyable or more exciting,
1:49
Speaker 1: or for you to be able to experience all these
1:51
Speaker 1: amazing things because you've kind of got this biased idea
1:53
Speaker 1: that it's just never going to be as good as
1:55
Speaker 1: what it used to be, So then you're less likely
1:58
Speaker 1: to try and make it better because you've got this
2:00
Speaker 1: belief that's stuck in your head. We're going to change
2:03
Speaker 1: that today to day. Today, As always, I have a
2:08
Speaker 1: brain fact or science fact, brain fact, sometimes it's not
2:11
Speaker 1: brain related. And at the end of the episode, of course,
2:14
Speaker 1: I've got my listener question, So let's dive straight in today. Okay,
2:19
Speaker 1: so the brain fact today is something called hemispatial neglect. Okay,
2:24
Speaker 1: so this is where you're neglecting part of your body
2:28
Speaker 1: due to a lesion in the brain. Okay, Now we've
2:31
Speaker 1: got a lobe. I mean, we've got several lobes in
2:33
Speaker 1: our brain actually, but this one particular lobe is called
2:36
Speaker 1: the parietal lobe. This lobe sits kind of like at
2:38
Speaker 1: the top of your head if you imagine wearing headphones,
2:41
Speaker 1: kind of that strip that a little bit wider top
2:43
Speaker 1: of your head, and it kind of separates the frontal lobe,
2:47
Speaker 1: which is right behind your forehead, the occipital lobe, which
2:50
Speaker 1: is at the back of your head. So it's kind
2:51
Speaker 1: of in between those two lobes, and it sits above
2:53
Speaker 1: the temporal lobe, which is kind of the lowest lobe,
2:57
Speaker 1: and it comes down next to kind of imagine kind
2:59
Speaker 1: of where your ears are kind of and this this
3:04
Speaker 1: parietal lobe has two different functional regions. So one is
3:10
Speaker 1: dedicated to sensation and perception. So this is our cognition
3:14
Speaker 1: what we physically feel and what we physically or what
3:17
Speaker 1: we perceive. And this area is called the somatosensory cortex
3:23
Speaker 1: somars in like body sensory cortex. So the other section,
3:28
Speaker 1: the other functional section in the parietal lobe, is for
3:31
Speaker 1: integrating sensory input, and this area works closely with a
3:35
Speaker 1: lot of other areas in the brain, but also the
3:37
Speaker 1: visual system as well, the occipital lobe and areas within
3:40
Speaker 1: the visual system. So if you look at the first
3:42
Speaker 1: functional area, which is the smato sensory cortex, its job
3:46
Speaker 1: is to receive input. Okay, it's done its job. It's
3:48
Speaker 1: received the input. The second area, the one that integrates it,
3:51
Speaker 1: is like, what are we going to do now with
3:53
Speaker 1: this information. It's our job to now communicate with different
3:55
Speaker 1: brain regions and integrate it and do something about that input. Okay.
4:00
Speaker 1: So for example, if you perceive something that is dangerous,
4:04
Speaker 1: something coming at you, you're going to receive that input,
4:08
Speaker 1: but then you're going to actually integrate that and do
4:11
Speaker 1: something about it like hide or get away or whatever.
4:14
Speaker 1: This is also the part of the brain that allows
4:17
Speaker 1: us to have spatial awareness. It allows us to be
4:19
Speaker 1: aware of the world, the things that are around us.
4:22
Speaker 1: It lets you know where things are in space even
4:24
Speaker 1: when your eyes are closed, and it also lets you
4:27
Speaker 1: know where your own limbs are even when you're not
4:30
Speaker 1: looking at them. So this appropriate reception, this awareness of
4:32
Speaker 1: where your body is or where any part of your
4:34
Speaker 1: body is at any given time, even when your eyes
4:36
Speaker 1: are closed. So damage to different parts of your brain
4:40
Speaker 1: is going to result in different deficits in the parietal lobe.
4:44
Speaker 1: Damage to the left can cause language disorders, as a
4:48
Speaker 1: lot of the language centers are located in the left
4:50
Speaker 1: side of the brain. Not in every case, but in
4:52
Speaker 1: most cases. And I've spoken about a couple like alexia
4:57
Speaker 1: and aphasia, which I've mentioned on the podcast for in
5:00
Speaker 1: my brain facts. But then we've got damage to the right. Now,
5:03
Speaker 1: when I talk about left and right, it's not in
5:05
Speaker 1: every case. This is just what's way more commonly seen,
5:09
Speaker 1: but definitely not a blanket rule for every single brain. Okay,
5:12
Speaker 1: But then we've got damage to the right, and that's
5:14
Speaker 1: what I'm going to be talking about in this brain fact.
5:16
Speaker 1: So allsion to the right parietal cortex in the right
5:20
Speaker 1: parietal lobe. When you get a lesion, you get you
5:25
Speaker 1: may develop something called contralateral neglect or hemispatial neglect. When
5:30
Speaker 1: there is a lesion in this region, a person can
5:33
Speaker 1: neglect or fail to become aware of an entire side
5:37
Speaker 1: of their body, and not just an entire side of
5:39
Speaker 1: their body, but it could be an entire side of
5:42
Speaker 1: what's going on in the outside world, so a half
5:44
Speaker 1: a room, half a clock, half of everything, so it's
5:47
Speaker 1: just one whole side. If it's happening on the right side,
5:49
Speaker 1: they're going to neglect the left side, and it might
5:51
Speaker 1: not be total neglect, but it might be like a
5:55
Speaker 1: partial neglect as well, depending on the lesion, depending on
5:58
Speaker 1: the level of damage. It's basically like this very reduced
6:01
Speaker 1: if not in some cases completely reduced awareness of stimulus
6:05
Speaker 1: to the left side, but they do receive the sensory input.
6:10
Speaker 1: There's no damage to the sensory pathways and the input
6:13
Speaker 1: and the smata sensory cortex. That's all intact, okay. But
6:17
Speaker 1: you get really interesting things happening, Like if they're eating
6:19
Speaker 1: from a plate, they're only going to eat what's on
6:21
Speaker 1: the right side of the plate, completely neglect what's on
6:23
Speaker 1: the left side of the plate. If they're brushing their
6:25
Speaker 1: hair in the mirror, they're only going to brush the
6:27
Speaker 1: hair that they can see on the right side, or
6:29
Speaker 1: like on their right side, and they're not going to
6:32
Speaker 1: do anything on the left side. Tamers for makeup and
6:35
Speaker 1: all those things. They're basically just going to be ignoring
6:38
Speaker 1: what's happening on the left side. They're just not aware
6:40
Speaker 1: of it, or not aware enough. There's not enough input
6:42
Speaker 1: and it just gets ignored. And there were even studies
6:46
Speaker 1: done that because obviously we're talking about body and what's
6:48
Speaker 1: around you and everything, but there were even studies done
6:50
Speaker 1: where they got patients with hemi spatial neglect to close
6:54
Speaker 1: their eyes and imagine a room, and then they had
6:57
Speaker 1: to describe this room that they were imagine, and even
7:02
Speaker 1: in their imagination, they only captured what was on the
7:05
Speaker 1: right side of the room and they didn't describe anything
7:08
Speaker 1: to the left side of the room. So not even
7:10
Speaker 1: in their imagination did they have awareness of the left
7:14
Speaker 1: side of things. So this is obviously fucking fascinating. How
7:17
Speaker 1: does it happen? So it's often caused by a hemorrhage
7:21
Speaker 1: or a cerebral infraction. So a hemorrhage is a bleed
7:24
Speaker 1: and an infection is a restriction of blood flow or
7:26
Speaker 1: inadequate blood flow, and therefore there's not enough oxygen to
7:29
Speaker 1: supply that particular region, which then causes cell necrosis, which
7:34
Speaker 1: is cell death. Normally, this occurs in the temporal junction
7:39
Speaker 1: and in the posterior parietal cortex, So the inputs received
7:42
Speaker 1: the pathway from sensory input to cortex are intact. It's
7:45
Speaker 1: the area that's responsible for interpreting this input that is damaged.
7:49
Speaker 1: So this leads to something called motor neglect, and it's
7:53
Speaker 1: this is also where someone won't be using their limb
7:56
Speaker 1: or is going to be using it a lot less,
7:57
Speaker 1: because of course if you're not aware of it, you're
7:59
Speaker 1: not going to be using it as much. Yes, you
8:01
Speaker 1: walk and you do things like subconscious things, but then
8:04
Speaker 1: when it comes to using your hand to do some
8:07
Speaker 1: fine motor task, you're not going to be You're going
8:09
Speaker 1: to be using your right hand and not your left.
8:11
Speaker 1: So treatment for this condition is actually it's quite difficult
8:16
Speaker 1: because there's no one blanket treatment that works for everyone,
8:18
Speaker 1: and a lot of the treatments are quite difficult for
8:22
Speaker 1: the patients to use because it's it's counterintuitive for them.
8:25
Speaker 1: So one way of treating it is to use something
8:28
Speaker 1: called scanning therapy, and this works really well. In a
8:31
Speaker 1: therapy session where the patient is guided by a therapist.
8:34
Speaker 1: So basically they're reading something and they're asked to look
8:37
Speaker 1: for like a red margin that the therapist is put
8:39
Speaker 1: on the page. So they're scanning the page until they
8:42
Speaker 1: come across a red margin, so they're looking further to
8:45
Speaker 1: one side side that they normally neglect, and then they
8:48
Speaker 1: see that redline, and therefore they're able to see more
8:50
Speaker 1: writing on that page in that book. But when the
8:52
Speaker 1: patient is no longer in that setting with the therapist
8:55
Speaker 1: or with the clinician and they're on their own, it's
8:57
Speaker 1: not really that effective because most of the patients, or
9:01
Speaker 1: a good percentage of the patients that have this condition,
9:03
Speaker 1: are not aware of this deficit. So it's really hard
9:07
Speaker 1: to remind them to be consistently using this scanning technique
9:10
Speaker 1: when they're not in a clinical setting, because it's really
9:12
Speaker 1: hard to look for something that you are just not
9:15
Speaker 1: aware of. Okay, So it's like you being told right
9:18
Speaker 1: now that there's a whole other fifty percent of things
9:21
Speaker 1: that you're just not aware of that you need to
9:23
Speaker 1: be aware of, so start scanning your vision. It's very
9:25
Speaker 1: overwhelming and it's very easy to revert back to just
9:29
Speaker 1: the normal sensory input that you are aware of, and
9:33
Speaker 1: I mean you're receiving everything, but you're only aware of
9:35
Speaker 1: your brain's only integrating you know, half or a bit
9:38
Speaker 1: more than half of it. So you can imagine it's
9:41
Speaker 1: easy to forget if it's just not there in your awareness.
9:45
Speaker 1: It's you know, if you look at the analogy of
9:47
Speaker 1: you sitting here right now and missaying there's actually fifty
9:50
Speaker 1: percent more that you're not aware of right now, you
9:51
Speaker 1: need to turn your head more off and you need
9:52
Speaker 1: to look or it's fucking intense. Okay. So another thing
9:57
Speaker 1: is another technique is wearing these special les. It's like
10:01
Speaker 1: a prism, and so it helps the patient correct it
10:03
Speaker 1: kind of like pulls the patient towards the left visual field.
10:06
Speaker 1: But I would imagine that a lot of patients find
10:08
Speaker 1: that quite uncomfortable. And then there's other different kinds of
10:11
Speaker 1: brain training for neuroplasticity to help train the brain or
10:15
Speaker 1: brain regions, such as like sensory retraining or proprioceptive training
10:20
Speaker 1: and things like that, like understanding where your limbs aren't,
10:22
Speaker 1: trying to rewire certain parts of the brain to take
10:25
Speaker 1: over other jobs. But the hard thing with that is
10:27
Speaker 1: that given that it's often due to a hemorrhage or
10:31
Speaker 1: an infection. Every single individual case is going to be different.
10:35
Speaker 1: So while the while the symptoms may appear similar, the
10:39
Speaker 1: severity of each individual is different. And what one person's
10:43
Speaker 1: brain could do with you know, therapy in neuroplasticity and
10:45
Speaker 1: all of that is not the same as what the
10:47
Speaker 1: next person's brain can do. So that's why it's quite
10:50
Speaker 1: a difficult one to treat. But I thought i'd have
10:53
Speaker 1: that as a brain factor because it's extremely fascinating. You know,
10:57
Speaker 1: even when you get them to draw, if you get
10:58
Speaker 1: them to draw a clock on a piece of paper,
11:01
Speaker 1: they'll draw half a clock, like half the face, the semicircle,
11:05
Speaker 1: and then they'll bunch all the numbers one to twelve
11:07
Speaker 1: in that semi circle and things like that. So it's
11:09
Speaker 1: really really fascinating. If it's interested, just look up hemispatial
11:12
Speaker 1: neglect and you look at like the different exercises that
11:16
Speaker 1: they get the patients to do. It's fucking it's really
11:19
Speaker 1: fascinating how the brain works and how something like that
11:21
Speaker 1: can happen. So that is the brain fact of today.
11:25
Speaker 1: All right. Now, let's get straight into the topic, which
11:28
Speaker 1: is stop giving the past power and letting go of
11:32
Speaker 1: the idea that it could have been different. So, guys,
11:35
Speaker 1: this is one of the things that slows our growth
11:38
Speaker 1: and holds us back so much. We favor fear based
11:42
Speaker 1: thoughts because we would rather protect ourselves and feel more
11:47
Speaker 1: protected and feel safer. Then we would rather put ourselves
11:51
Speaker 1: out there and risk having a painful situation, whether that
11:55
Speaker 1: be being vulnerable and then getting hurt, whether that be embarrassment,
11:59
Speaker 1: whether that be you know, failing something and then feeling
12:03
Speaker 1: bad about yourself. Okay, So primarily we are driven by
12:07
Speaker 1: fear so and more likely to look at the past
12:09
Speaker 1: as kind of the safe thing. The look at the
12:11
Speaker 1: future is like, oh, this is what I want, this
12:13
Speaker 1: is exciting. It's very not everyone. A lot of people
12:16
Speaker 1: are kind of geared towards, you know, taking more calculated risks, saying,
12:21
Speaker 1: you know, possibility and everything, so they're more geared to
12:23
Speaker 1: the future. But a lot of people, you might consider
12:26
Speaker 1: yourself one of either category, but a lot of people
12:29
Speaker 1: are skewed to feel like the past was always a
12:31
Speaker 1: little bit better, or it was a little bit easier,
12:33
Speaker 1: or things were just better back then, or you know,
12:37
Speaker 1: you end up looking at the future with fear, and
12:40
Speaker 1: you look at the past as like the safe thing
12:43
Speaker 1: that you know, and that was what was good, and
12:45
Speaker 1: you kind of, you know, favor the past. Another thing
12:49
Speaker 1: that's really prevalent in I would say most people is
12:53
Speaker 1: that we have this fear of losing things in our life.
12:58
Speaker 1: We think that our life is going to be over
13:01
Speaker 1: if we lose the relationship that we're in, if we
13:03
Speaker 1: lose the job that we have, if everything got shaken
13:07
Speaker 1: up and all we had was ourselves and ideally our health,
13:11
Speaker 1: that we would just we wouldn't be able to go on.
13:13
Speaker 1: So because of that, we're more likely to cling to
13:17
Speaker 1: something and fear losing it, and we will favor protecting
13:21
Speaker 1: losing something then favoring putting yourself out there, risking but
13:26
Speaker 1: potentially receiving way more than what it is that you're
13:30
Speaker 1: trying to protect right now. So we are skewed towards
13:33
Speaker 1: loss aversion. And I've got a whole episode on loss
13:35
Speaker 1: of version, but we are skewed towards a loss of
13:37
Speaker 1: version instead of risking to gain. And that's really really
13:41
Speaker 1: common that social psychology. There's a lot of studies done
13:44
Speaker 1: on that, but really all you need to do is
13:47
Speaker 1: to meet people that have lost a lot, that have
13:51
Speaker 1: lost you know, their relationship, their job, their life situation.
13:56
Speaker 1: And they're often the ones that actually end up having
13:58
Speaker 1: less fear because they have learnt, normally early on, that
14:03
Speaker 1: that pain does not mean the end of their life.
14:06
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that everything is over. It doesn't mean
14:08
Speaker 1: that their life is over. That they've proven to themselves
14:12
Speaker 1: that when they did lose what they thought would be
14:13
Speaker 1: a life ending thing, they're actually capable of rebuilding themselves
14:17
Speaker 1: over and over again in many different forms and many
14:19
Speaker 1: different ways. And they're the ones that are probably less
14:21
Speaker 1: fearful of it happening again because not that they want it,
14:25
Speaker 1: but they're like, I've been through this before, and you
14:27
Speaker 1: know what, I actually survived a lot better than I thought.
14:29
Speaker 1: I thought i'd be depressed forever. I thought i'd never
14:31
Speaker 1: get over it. I thought this that X y Z.
14:34
Speaker 1: But they actually rebuilt their lives, and often in a
14:37
Speaker 1: way that is better than what they had imagined. And
14:40
Speaker 1: that is the beauty of life. This idea that you
14:43
Speaker 1: know you're prepared to take what comes at you, and
14:47
Speaker 1: because of that, you're willing to put yourself out there more.
14:49
Speaker 1: You're willing to take more calculated risks. You're willing to
14:52
Speaker 1: live more in the present and the future instead of
14:55
Speaker 1: kind of hoarding and protecting or reminiscing or missing the past.
15:00
Speaker 1: We spend so much of our lives, or humans spend
15:04
Speaker 1: so much of our lives regretting things, thinking of missed opportunities,
15:08
Speaker 1: thinking of how we were wronged, thinking of how someone
15:12
Speaker 1: let us down and what could have been if they didn't,
15:15
Speaker 1: and that this person now needs to know what they
15:19
Speaker 1: did to me because I was xyz. It goes on no, no, no, no.
15:23
Speaker 1: Life is a constant sliding doors. There's no set way
15:27
Speaker 1: for how something could have been because if that thing happened,
15:30
Speaker 1: then whatever happened straight after that would have been different,
15:32
Speaker 1: and whatever happens straight after that would have been different. Okay,
15:35
Speaker 1: it's this constant idea of if you were to change
15:37
Speaker 1: one thing in your past, that means that maybe everything
15:41
Speaker 1: in the direct future after that would have changed as well.
15:45
Speaker 1: So it's not so easy to look back and say, oh,
15:46
Speaker 1: I wish that one thing had happened, because everything would
15:49
Speaker 1: then change in your life if that one thing had
15:51
Speaker 1: or hadn't happened, And if that thing hadn't happened to
15:53
Speaker 1: you now, whatever it is that you wish had changed,
15:56
Speaker 1: who you are right now and where you are and
15:58
Speaker 1: what is on the horizon for you tomorrow, next week,
16:01
Speaker 1: next year wouldn't be the case. It'd be a different
16:03
Speaker 1: set of circumstances. Okay, So you've got to look at
16:06
Speaker 1: what you have now and what your possibilities and your
16:08
Speaker 1: opportunities are now as a blessing. You've got to look
16:11
Speaker 1: at it being like, Okay, well, everything in my life,
16:13
Speaker 1: whether good or bad, has led me to this moment
16:16
Speaker 1: right now, to this moment where I'm actively choosing to
16:19
Speaker 1: work on myself. I wouldn't be listening to this podcast
16:21
Speaker 1: if I wasn't where I'm obviously taking the steps where
16:23
Speaker 1: I'm trying to better my life, better my relationship with myself.
16:26
Speaker 1: I'm doing all these things, and had it not been
16:29
Speaker 1: for everything that's occurred in my past, all these experiences,
16:31
Speaker 1: all these situations, I wouldn't be here right now. And
16:34
Speaker 1: that's a shame. If you look back on the past,
16:36
Speaker 1: like your high school days, oh they were the fun days,
16:39
Speaker 1: Oh my god, or your Uni days, or the days
16:41
Speaker 1: when you were single, or the days when you were
16:42
Speaker 1: with that person that you loved so much. If you
16:45
Speaker 1: look back on your past and label those days as
16:47
Speaker 1: the best days and continuously remind yourself that they were
16:51
Speaker 1: the good days, they were the best days, could never
16:53
Speaker 1: get better than that, then you're just going to continue
16:57
Speaker 1: to confirm that you are going to be right. You
17:00
Speaker 1: will keep pulling things in, whether it's memories, whether it's
17:04
Speaker 1: whatever it is that confirm to you that your past
17:09
Speaker 1: was the best time of your life, that they were
17:11
Speaker 1: the good days. And then because you're confirming that, you're
17:14
Speaker 1: less likely to think, okay, that my best days are
17:16
Speaker 1: ahead of me. And because of that, I'm going to
17:18
Speaker 1: maximize my time here. I'm going to maximize that and
17:20
Speaker 1: I'm going to milk that because the best days is
17:21
Speaker 1: it yet to come. If you're always thinking, oh, it
17:23
Speaker 1: was all in the pastor and you're looking back thinking
17:25
Speaker 1: oh if only this had happened, then you're constantly going
17:28
Speaker 1: to be reliving that same cycle, and your eyes are
17:30
Speaker 1: going to be always to the past. But you need
17:33
Speaker 1: to remind yourself. You need to know that we are
17:35
Speaker 1: really good at looking at the past through rose tinted
17:38
Speaker 1: glasses or rose colored leadses, or whatever the name is
17:41
Speaker 1: when you're complaining about something in the now, you are
17:44
Speaker 1: biased to think that the past was better or that
17:47
Speaker 1: there was no bad that came with the good. We
17:50
Speaker 1: have this really selective memory, and then we compare our
17:54
Speaker 1: selective memory of the past to the non bias awareness
17:59
Speaker 1: of our current situation. So you look at your current
18:03
Speaker 1: situation right now, and you're like, oh, there's all this good,
18:05
Speaker 1: but there's also a lot of bad. This is fucking annoying,
18:07
Speaker 1: this is stressing me out. I really hate this. That
18:08
Speaker 1: person's getting on my last fucking nerve. But that last
18:12
Speaker 1: job I had, fuck, I had fun. Fuck, Oh my god,
18:14
Speaker 1: the good times behind the desk at the reception area,
18:17
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And you start reminiscing and all these
18:19
Speaker 1: good times, but you forget all the times that you
18:21
Speaker 1: left your old job being like, fuck this shit, I
18:23
Speaker 1: can't wait to quit. You forget all the times that
18:26
Speaker 1: you actually, you know, didn't like what you were doing
18:29
Speaker 1: and wished for something different. But when you're here now,
18:31
Speaker 1: it's very easy to look back and only recall the
18:35
Speaker 1: really fun times. And then, in contrast, if you're just
18:38
Speaker 1: thinking about the fun times, contrast to the now, where
18:40
Speaker 1: you're aware of the things that are annoying you. It's
18:42
Speaker 1: really easy to say the past was better. It was
18:45
Speaker 1: better back then. It was better when I lived there,
18:46
Speaker 1: it was better when I was overseas living you know,
18:48
Speaker 1: my best life. It was just better. You know that
18:51
Speaker 1: you're abroad, my life was better. You forget all the struggles,
18:54
Speaker 1: You forget the times that you know, the days that
18:56
Speaker 1: were so difficult, You forget all the feat sense sense.
19:06
Speaker 1: So let's say that you're someone right now that something
19:08
Speaker 1: has occurred in your recent past, or like you know,
19:12
Speaker 1: further back in your past, something has occurred and it's
19:15
Speaker 1: made you feel sad. Right could be someone left you,
19:20
Speaker 1: You left somebody and then you regretted it and you
19:22
Speaker 1: went back and they didn't want your back anymore. You
19:25
Speaker 1: lost an opportunity at work, the house that you were
19:28
Speaker 1: living in that you loved so much, the landlord kicked
19:30
Speaker 1: you out, and then you ended up going to this
19:31
Speaker 1: place that you fucking hate, and then you regret it
19:33
Speaker 1: because you've signed a lace. Whatever it is, right, You've
19:37
Speaker 1: got to get to a point where it's really where
19:40
Speaker 1: you really definitive in saying it is what it is.
19:44
Speaker 1: The moment you become aware and make it clear to
19:47
Speaker 1: yourself that you have no control over a situation anymore,
19:51
Speaker 1: then you were able to start to leave that situation
19:53
Speaker 1: in the past. The problem is that we'll entertain a
19:57
Speaker 1: narrative and will go back and forth. I could have
19:59
Speaker 1: done this, I could have done that. I could, but
20:01
Speaker 1: you didn't. And it's done. Okay, sounds harsh, but it's
20:05
Speaker 1: the truth. It is fucking done. It is what it is.
20:08
Speaker 1: If you keep entertaining something feeling like, oh, well, in
20:10
Speaker 1: my imagination, I have the power, that's all well and good,
20:13
Speaker 1: and that's called daydreaming. But the truth is that it's
20:15
Speaker 1: not serving you right now, and sometimes it can actually
20:18
Speaker 1: be quite detrimental. And the reason it's detrimental is because
20:21
Speaker 1: you're reliving these moments that have occurred in your past,
20:25
Speaker 1: reliving them in your mind, thinking could have been this way,
20:27
Speaker 1: it could have been that way, with so much passion,
20:29
Speaker 1: again and again and again, and you're possibly stressing yourself out.
20:34
Speaker 1: You're possibly turning a situation in the past into something
20:37
Speaker 1: bigger than what it ever was and causing yourself a
20:39
Speaker 1: lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, and that's never
20:42
Speaker 1: going to be good for your health. When something is
20:44
Speaker 1: in the past. It's in the past. When something involves
20:46
Speaker 1: people who have moved on when you haven't, then that's
20:50
Speaker 1: something that cannot be changed. It's an era that can't
20:54
Speaker 1: be repeated. You have to start putting steps into place
20:57
Speaker 1: to acknowledge the end of an era. Draw a line
21:01
Speaker 1: in the sand, and you're on the other side of
21:02
Speaker 1: the line now, so you can start moving forward. If
21:05
Speaker 1: you don't do this, you are actively choosing to stay
21:08
Speaker 1: in the past. And as a result of actively choosing
21:11
Speaker 1: to stay in the past, you are choosing to suffer. Okay.
21:16
Speaker 1: It's not to say that it's not going to be
21:17
Speaker 1: sad or it's not going to be painful when it's
21:20
Speaker 1: brought up. But the pain has already occurred. You're not
21:24
Speaker 1: You are now contributing more to that pain. If you
21:28
Speaker 1: actively choose to stay in the past and relive and
21:30
Speaker 1: relive and relive. Okay, the pain has occurred that you
21:33
Speaker 1: had no choice over. Okay, And this is the whole
21:36
Speaker 1: thing that I talk about pain versus suffering. But if
21:38
Speaker 1: you don't put any steps in place, even if you're
21:42
Speaker 1: just saying, well, I'm not trying to think about the past,
21:44
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to get stuck in this. It's just
21:46
Speaker 1: that my life is shpped now and it was better
21:47
Speaker 1: back then. The thing is that if you just become
21:50
Speaker 1: passive in this kind of situation when something painful has occurred,
21:53
Speaker 1: and if you just become passive, it's very easy to
21:55
Speaker 1: direct your attention, You're going to be biased to want
21:58
Speaker 1: to keep reliving the past in your mind. Right, you
22:01
Speaker 1: have to actively put steps into place to shift your
22:04
Speaker 1: focus from the past to the present and the future. Okay,
22:08
Speaker 1: And if you don't do that, it is in a
22:10
Speaker 1: way choosing to suffer. Because the only person that can
22:14
Speaker 1: change your situation, the only one that's responsible, is you.
22:17
Speaker 1: It is your job to do something about it. Someone
22:21
Speaker 1: might have wronged you and fucked you over and been
22:24
Speaker 1: so awful to you and blindsided you and to you know,
22:28
Speaker 1: it's blown your mind to even understand what a person
22:31
Speaker 1: has done to you. And it is still your responsibility
22:34
Speaker 1: to pick up the pieces because they're not going to
22:36
Speaker 1: do it. And you could sit there and say, well,
22:38
Speaker 1: I didn't ask for this, I didn't, you didn't. It's
22:40
Speaker 1: still your job to pick up the pieces because no
22:43
Speaker 1: one else can do it. It is up to you
22:46
Speaker 1: and no one else and that's just life. It is
22:49
Speaker 1: your job to have your back. No one else's job
22:52
Speaker 1: is to have your back but your own. Okay. So, yes,
22:55
Speaker 1: it's fucked that things happen to you, uncalled for things,
22:58
Speaker 1: unfair things, all of the above. That's fucked, but it
23:01
Speaker 1: is your responsibility to now do something about it. Okay.
23:05
Speaker 1: So every day I want you to remind yourself attention
23:08
Speaker 1: goes where energy flows, your mind will listen to your
23:12
Speaker 1: emotionally loaded statements. Okay. And what I mean by that
23:17
Speaker 1: is when people say, for example, like you know, you
23:20
Speaker 1: know my love hate relationship with affirmations. I love a
23:22
Speaker 1: good affirmation if it's done properly, but I don't like
23:25
Speaker 1: the idea of just oh, just fucking repeat this sentence
23:27
Speaker 1: ten thousand times and it's just gonna happen. Okay, we're
23:29
Speaker 1: talking about emotionally loaded statements. Okay, that's what your subconscious
23:34
Speaker 1: listens to. So something that you deem to be believable,
23:37
Speaker 1: deep deep in your care. Okay. So where your energy
23:42
Speaker 1: is flowing is where your emotions are, your feelings. Okay.
23:45
Speaker 1: So I'm not talking about a throwaway line, a throw
23:48
Speaker 1: away affirmation, but I'm talking about a statement that you
23:51
Speaker 1: say that feels like the truth, that there is emotion
23:54
Speaker 1: backing that statement. So you have these emotions when you're
23:57
Speaker 1: talking about something you really love, something you really hate,
24:00
Speaker 1: something you're really truly grateful for. That's an emotionally loaded statement.
24:04
Speaker 1: And if you keep telling yourself something that's not positive detrimental,
24:09
Speaker 1: then you're going to keep living in that state of
24:11
Speaker 1: regret or state of sadness or whatever, because it's an
24:14
Speaker 1: emotionally loaded statement. If you are turning these statements into
24:17
Speaker 1: something that's exciting for you, or like something's on the
24:20
Speaker 1: horizon for me, or this or that, whatever it is
24:22
Speaker 1: that's believable to you, that has a lot of emotion
24:25
Speaker 1: in it, feeling behind the statement, then your mind is
24:27
Speaker 1: going to listen to that attention, your cognitive attention, your
24:32
Speaker 1: awareness is going to go where your energy flows. So
24:36
Speaker 1: if you keep telling yourself these things, and if you
24:38
Speaker 1: keep focusing on these things, all your attention is going
24:40
Speaker 1: to be stuck in that one thing, reliving it, reliving
24:42
Speaker 1: and reliving it. If you move your attention to the
24:45
Speaker 1: possibility and what is possible and how big that is,
24:48
Speaker 1: because the possibilities of the future, that spectrum is so
24:53
Speaker 1: much broader and so much wider than what has happened
24:56
Speaker 1: in the past. You've got a lot more potential things
24:57
Speaker 1: to think about when you look at the now and
24:59
Speaker 1: your versus the one road you went on in your past.
25:04
Speaker 1: You you've got to be aware of how much is
25:06
Speaker 1: available for you right now and for your future. You
25:10
Speaker 1: could quit what you are doing today and start learning
25:14
Speaker 1: something completely different from scratch as an amateur, either by
25:17
Speaker 1: studying or either by going and doing something, and in five, six,
25:21
Speaker 1: eight years you'll be pretty fucking good at it, good
25:24
Speaker 1: enough for it to be your full time gig in
25:26
Speaker 1: a brand new industry, knowing exactly what you're doing it
25:29
Speaker 1: in five years. Okay, right now, think about where you
25:32
Speaker 1: were five years ago. It's not that long ago. Think
25:35
Speaker 1: about it. Pauses if you need to. I want you
25:37
Speaker 1: to get real. Pauses if you need to. Where were
25:39
Speaker 1: you five years ago? It is not that long ago. Yeah,
25:43
Speaker 1: you think, oh wow, a lot has happened since, but
25:45
Speaker 1: it's not that long ago. Now. Knowing that five years
25:48
Speaker 1: isn't that long will hopefully open your eyes to realize
25:51
Speaker 1: that some a totally different reality, like a completely different reality,
25:56
Speaker 1: is five years or less away, and that when that,
26:00
Speaker 1: and that's just talking about career. What if we spoke
26:02
Speaker 1: about something like I mean, for me, it was even less.
26:05
Speaker 1: I'd changed my career within a year and a half
26:07
Speaker 1: with the podcast. You know, it's amazing to look at
26:11
Speaker 1: what can be achieved in just a handful of years
26:14
Speaker 1: if you give yourself the chance. But we don't give
26:17
Speaker 1: ourselves a chance. Every day you spend being passive with
26:20
Speaker 1: your life is a day that you're delaying that potential
26:24
Speaker 1: change to occur. You have so many possibilities. You could
26:28
Speaker 1: your career in five years, or what you do with
26:30
Speaker 1: your life, or where you're living could be somewhere you
26:33
Speaker 1: haven't even fathomed exists right now. That's the excitement and
26:38
Speaker 1: the beauty of life. Okay, But if you're stuck thinking
26:43
Speaker 1: that it could have been different, then you are giving
26:46
Speaker 1: your power to your past and you end up living
26:50
Speaker 1: in this kind of repetitive state in your life thinking
26:54
Speaker 1: I never maximized my potential, I never did what I
26:56
Speaker 1: could have done. I'm sixty now, so it's too late.
26:59
Speaker 1: Oh so who can y as if I've got if
27:00
Speaker 1: I live till ninety, I'm sixty now, so I might
27:02
Speaker 1: as well fuck off. Every single day and just think, Oh,
27:06
Speaker 1: if only I had done that career not good enough.
27:08
Speaker 1: You still have thirty years or more in your life.
27:11
Speaker 1: What are you going to do about it? Are you
27:13
Speaker 1: going to sit and solk and repeat and just be
27:15
Speaker 1: passive with your life for the next thirty years, or
27:18
Speaker 1: are you going to do something about it. That's up
27:21
Speaker 1: to you. That is your choice, okay. And every day
27:25
Speaker 1: that you delay it, every day that you're passive, is
27:28
Speaker 1: a day later than you get to experience this new life.
27:30
Speaker 1: And what I mean by passive is sitting there thinking
27:34
Speaker 1: something could have been different, sitting there feeling resentful or
27:37
Speaker 1: jealous of those around you, not feeling excited every time
27:41
Speaker 1: you wake up, but instead waking up, grabbing your phone,
27:44
Speaker 1: checking your social media for ages until you absolutely have
27:46
Speaker 1: to get up, then feeling sluggish, then missing your X,
27:49
Speaker 1: then going to that job that you don't really love,
27:51
Speaker 1: then getting home and repeating. All of that can change.
27:56
Speaker 1: You just need to draw a line in the sand.
27:58
Speaker 1: You need to say the word. You need to say
28:00
Speaker 1: my focus is on the now, in the future, not
28:02
Speaker 1: in the past. And you need to actively keep drawing
28:04
Speaker 1: awareness to it every time. It's like a muscle you've
28:06
Speaker 1: got to train it. Of Course it could have been different.
28:10
Speaker 1: Of course shit could have been different, just like tomorrow
28:12
Speaker 1: can be different if you make it different, if you
28:15
Speaker 1: change your day up, if you get up early, if
28:17
Speaker 1: you don't check your phone for the first two hours,
28:19
Speaker 1: if you do something different in order for a different result.
28:22
Speaker 1: You have to do a different action. Okay, And it's
28:25
Speaker 1: all well and good to look at the past and
28:27
Speaker 1: think of all the possibilities that could have happened. But
28:29
Speaker 1: why don't you use that energy and that skill of
28:31
Speaker 1: your imagination to instead of thinking this could have been this,
28:34
Speaker 1: it could have been that shifted one hundred and eighty degrees,
28:37
Speaker 1: and think what could be tomorrow? What could be next week?
28:39
Speaker 1: What could I do if I put all my energy
28:42
Speaker 1: into that, into me of today and the me of
28:45
Speaker 1: the future. Stop waiting for an apology. Never wait for
28:49
Speaker 1: an apology. Never wait for someone to realize that they
28:52
Speaker 1: made a mistake and they'll come back to you. Never
28:55
Speaker 1: wait for somebody to get their shit together after breaking
28:58
Speaker 1: a promise to you several times. Never wait for someone
29:01
Speaker 1: to change what you know is just a part of
29:03
Speaker 1: them for you so you can be happy. Don't do
29:06
Speaker 1: that don't do that to yourself. You're wasting your time
29:09
Speaker 1: and you're throwing away what is in your control and
29:13
Speaker 1: what is your life and giving it to this external
29:15
Speaker 1: source that then you have no power over right now,
29:20
Speaker 1: right now. Before we get to the end of the episode,
29:22
Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, what am I waiting
29:25
Speaker 1: for to change in my life for me to be happy?
29:29
Speaker 1: Or what am I waiting for to change for me
29:31
Speaker 1: to feel satisfied or at peace? How much of that?
29:36
Speaker 1: How much of these answers is someone else's behavior or
29:40
Speaker 1: based around someone else's actions that I'm waiting on or expecting.
29:45
Speaker 1: Because if you're sitting there saying I'm just waiting for
29:46
Speaker 1: my ex to come back, you know, and just realize
29:48
Speaker 1: that they're an idiot and obviously we should be together
29:51
Speaker 1: and then I'll be happy, then you've got a big problem. Okay,
29:54
Speaker 1: what are you waiting for to be happy? And how
29:58
Speaker 1: much of that is pending on someone else's decisions or
30:01
Speaker 1: actions or behaviors. Then ask yourself, what or who am
30:07
Speaker 1: I mourning about my past? What time frame, what experience
30:11
Speaker 1: or what relationship am I mourning? And why am I
30:14
Speaker 1: finding it so hard to move on? Is it because
30:16
Speaker 1: I had excitement back then and now I don't. Is
30:19
Speaker 1: it because I had passion back then and now I don't.
30:22
Speaker 1: Just because you had excitement in something, it doesn't mean
30:24
Speaker 1: you can't have it now. You've just got to find
30:26
Speaker 1: new experiences to do that. Just because your year abroad
30:29
Speaker 1: was the funnest thing in the world, okay, you might
30:31
Speaker 1: not be living abroad now, but there's a lot of
30:33
Speaker 1: excitement you can bring into it. Okay, So ask yourself,
30:36
Speaker 1: what or who am I mourning? And why am I
30:39
Speaker 1: finding it so hard to move on? It's harder to
30:42
Speaker 1: move on when there's a void than it is if
30:44
Speaker 1: you've now gone and changed it for a new experience
30:47
Speaker 1: and new passion, a new way of living or routine
30:51
Speaker 1: or home, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You know,
30:53
Speaker 1: if you're filling your life up with all these exciting
30:56
Speaker 1: things all the time, or it doesn't even have to
30:57
Speaker 1: be exciting, if you don't like exciting, but all these
31:00
Speaker 1: new and fresh things in your life, then you're less
31:03
Speaker 1: likely to be stagnant mourning something in the past. Okay,
31:06
Speaker 1: morning a part of your life that's no longer And lastly,
31:11
Speaker 1: ask yourself, does my future have the potential to be
31:15
Speaker 1: as good or even better than my past. Is it possible?
31:21
Speaker 1: Can I have a better relationship? Can I have a
31:23
Speaker 1: better job or career? Can I have a happier lifestyle
31:28
Speaker 1: a day, a happier day to day? Can I have
31:30
Speaker 1: a healthier mind? Can I have a healthier body? If
31:33
Speaker 1: the answer is yes to one of those things or
31:35
Speaker 1: all of those things, then the answer is yes to
31:38
Speaker 1: the possibility of your future being better than what you're
31:41
Speaker 1: thinking about in the past. Okay, So, like I said,
31:46
Speaker 1: stop giving your past your power. Stop giving people in
31:50
Speaker 1: your old life power. Only you can take that power back,
31:54
Speaker 1: and only you can use it for your future. It's
31:56
Speaker 1: your responsibility to do that for yourself. Okay, So shift
32:02
Speaker 1: your attention. Every time you think of the past. I
32:05
Speaker 1: want you to think of something that's good about your
32:07
Speaker 1: present and something that's good about your future, something that
32:10
Speaker 1: you could do that's good about your future every time.
32:12
Speaker 1: And you're going and because you're replacing one thought with two,
32:16
Speaker 1: you're going to start slowly overriding your need to look
32:20
Speaker 1: back into the past and your need to like reach
32:23
Speaker 1: towards that safe past. And you're going to start to
32:26
Speaker 1: slowly train your thoughts to be more focused on the
32:29
Speaker 1: now and the future. And the reason I want it
32:31
Speaker 1: to be the now in the future is because you
32:32
Speaker 1: should never live completely in the future either. You should
32:35
Speaker 1: always have the now is your primary thing that you're
32:38
Speaker 1: focusing on, but the future because that's going to be
32:41
Speaker 1: you tomorrow. You know, you do want to have some
32:44
Speaker 1: level of attention and energy and excitement to your future
32:46
Speaker 1: self because that way you're making life for your tomorrow's
32:49
Speaker 1: present self better. Okay, So those are the main focuses,
32:53
Speaker 1: and then the past is something good for lessons learned,
32:55
Speaker 1: for beautiful memories, to reminisce on something that really made
32:58
Speaker 1: you laugh. That's what the past serves us for, to
33:01
Speaker 1: learn things, Okay, but it shouldn't be to make you
33:04
Speaker 1: feel shit about yourself and shit about your life on
33:06
Speaker 1: a day to day basis. That serves you in no way,
33:09
Speaker 1: shape or form. Okay, So remember stop giving your past power.
33:14
Speaker 1: Stop giving people in your old life power. Guys. That
33:17
Speaker 1: is all for the episode of today. We're just gonna
33:21
Speaker 1: go straight into a listener question. Here we go. Question, Hi, Alexis,
33:27
Speaker 1: I was wondering what you thought about still having photos
33:29
Speaker 1: of your ex on social media. I recently had my
33:32
Speaker 1: ex's new girlfriend messaging me telling me to take them
33:36
Speaker 1: down and that it's super weird and fucked that I
33:39
Speaker 1: still have them on my Instagram. We broke up over
33:42
Speaker 1: a year ago, and I kept the photos purely because
33:44
Speaker 1: they were nice photos of me which were taken on
33:46
Speaker 1: an occasion like my last day of school. I'm well
33:49
Speaker 1: and truly over the relationship, but she keeps bothering me
33:52
Speaker 1: in business that I don't want to be involved in.
33:54
Speaker 1: Her friends keep requesting my accounts to stalk my profile,
33:57
Speaker 1: and I've told her I'm not taking them down and
34:00
Speaker 1: that I don't want to hear about it anymore. Am
34:02
Speaker 1: I in the wrong for keeping the photos up? What
34:04
Speaker 1: do you think? Okay, Firstly, I personally do not think
34:08
Speaker 1: that you are in the wrong for keeping the photos up.
34:10
Speaker 1: What people need to understand is that your past is yours.
34:14
Speaker 1: Everyone owns their past and they are entitled to their past.
34:18
Speaker 1: And in your past comes memories, comes you know, events
34:21
Speaker 1: that include your ex in them, and especially if you
34:24
Speaker 1: didn't have a bad relationship with your ex, you know
34:28
Speaker 1: it makes sense that you might keep them in certain
34:30
Speaker 1: photos for different reasons. I think that the idea of
34:34
Speaker 1: keeping your ex you know, in the back catalog of
34:37
Speaker 1: your social media. I don't really see it as a problem.
34:40
Speaker 1: I personally have deleted all photos of my exes on
34:45
Speaker 1: my social media. But also it's because I feel that
34:47
Speaker 1: my social media is two things. One did I actually
34:51
Speaker 1: had very unpleasant breakups, so I absolutely did not need
34:54
Speaker 1: them photos of them when I already had enough memories
34:56
Speaker 1: of them in my mind. I was like, absolutely, do
34:58
Speaker 1: not need that. And Two, I also have a bit
35:01
Speaker 1: of a public page, and I didn't want people, you know,
35:03
Speaker 1: trawling through my feed knowing what my exes look like
35:05
Speaker 1: when I referred to them on my podcast. So that's
35:08
Speaker 1: why I deleted all photos and all like photographic evidence
35:12
Speaker 1: of my exes on my social media. However, I actually
35:15
Speaker 1: think it's perfectly fine if you have photos of your
35:19
Speaker 1: ex on your social media, it is in your past.
35:23
Speaker 1: Another thing that you need to consider is that you
35:25
Speaker 1: don't owe this woman anything. You can respond, and I'm
35:28
Speaker 1: going to give you a response to give her if
35:30
Speaker 1: you want to, but you have to remind yourself that
35:32
Speaker 1: you don't have to give her shit. She is not
35:36
Speaker 1: relevant to your life whatsoever. We're talking about an ex here,
35:39
Speaker 1: and we're talking about your private social media. You are
35:42
Speaker 1: entitled to put up a fucking photo of an event
35:45
Speaker 1: that happened. It happened. She has to get with the
35:49
Speaker 1: times and realize that this event has occurred and it
35:52
Speaker 1: is a photo that exists in reality. He wasn't wronging
35:55
Speaker 1: her by being with you a year ago. He was
35:58
Speaker 1: with you a year ago. And if she doesn't understand that,
36:00
Speaker 1: that's on her, it's not on you to explain it
36:03
Speaker 1: to her. So number one, understand that you don't ever
36:06
Speaker 1: have to respond to her. You don't ever have to
36:08
Speaker 1: see nothing. You could ignore her for you know, block
36:11
Speaker 1: and delete. It's one thing to see your ex on
36:15
Speaker 1: another girl's profile from a long time ago and be like, oh,
36:19
Speaker 1: I don't really like the image of that, but you
36:21
Speaker 1: know it is what it is. I don't you know.
36:22
Speaker 1: That's one thing versus going that one step further to
36:26
Speaker 1: actually message that person saying, you know, it's fucked up
36:29
Speaker 1: that you've got like that. That is, you know, that's
36:32
Speaker 1: revealing some deep seated problems that are occurring in her mind.
36:37
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with you. I can just
36:39
Speaker 1: tell you that because what happens outside of that and
36:42
Speaker 1: what photos and what evidence of her now boyfriend's past
36:46
Speaker 1: is out there should not affect her. So I believe
36:49
Speaker 1: that there may or may not, but may be some
36:51
Speaker 1: retroactive jealousy going on there. I've got a whole episode
36:54
Speaker 1: of retroactive jealousy if you want to look it up.
36:56
Speaker 1: But that's probably what's happening. That's just my presumption. Now,
37:00
Speaker 1: if you want to respond to her, you could just
37:02
Speaker 1: respond something so simply as please don't ever message me again.
37:07
Speaker 1: I am completely in my right to have photos of
37:09
Speaker 1: my past and my life on my social media. The
37:12
Speaker 1: fact that it includes your now boyfriend is irrelevant. This
37:17
Speaker 1: is my social media and it is my photos. You
37:20
Speaker 1: need to stop messaging me, and you need to find
37:22
Speaker 1: something else to entertain yourself with, enjoy your life. That
37:25
Speaker 1: would be what I would say. Okay, actually i'd probably
37:28
Speaker 1: fucking block and delate. But if she's being a pest,
37:30
Speaker 1: then I would probably say something along those lines. She
37:33
Speaker 1: is not. She has no say in what you have
37:37
Speaker 1: on your social media or not. This you have to
37:39
Speaker 1: take them down. You this, you that don't even acknowledge
37:42
Speaker 1: those statements, just turn around and say you need to
37:45
Speaker 1: leave me alone. You're crossing a line. Okay, bomb fucking voyage.
37:49
Speaker 1: Hopefully that was helpful. I personally don't think it's it's
37:52
Speaker 1: bad to keep photos of your ex on your social media,
37:55
Speaker 1: and I also don't think it's weird to delete photos
37:59
Speaker 1: of your ex on your social media. It is your
38:01
Speaker 1: social media. You do whatever the fuck you want with
38:03
Speaker 1: it. It is a curated feed of images that you have
38:06
Speaker 1: chosen to put up there. I've actually been asked, oh, well,
38:09
Speaker 1: how come like it? Must say something, You must have
38:11
Speaker 1: a problem if you've deleted all your exs. Yeah, I've
38:13
Speaker 1: got a fucking problem with my exes. They were cooked
38:15
Speaker 1: in the head and I don't want to see photos
38:17
Speaker 1: of them, and even if I liked them, I would
38:19
Speaker 1: be completely in my right to delete them. It's your
38:21
Speaker 1: fucking social media. Do what you want with it. No
38:24
Speaker 1: one has the right to question you. These photos were
38:27
Speaker 1: taken with people that were in your life at the time. Okay,
38:31
Speaker 1: you can show them. You don't have to show them.
38:32
Speaker 1: You can delet your whole social media. You can post
38:34
Speaker 1: a photo every single day, it's up to you. If
38:36
Speaker 1: they don't like it, don't look Okay. So that is
38:39
Speaker 1: all for today's episode. Thank you guys for listening. As always,
38:43
Speaker 1: remember be kind to yourself, be kind to your brains,
38:45
Speaker 1: don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit
38:48
Speaker 1: from yourself. Don't care Si