Latest / Imagine The Good / Presence: The Secret to a More Meaningful and Fulfilled Life

Transcript

Presence: The Secret to a More Meaningful and Fulfilled Life · Imagine The Good

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're tasting your next goal, but you can't remember the last time you felt truly present or fulfilled.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're surrounded by people yet somehow still feel alone.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: You've built the success you were told to go after, but you quietly wonder, is this all there really is?
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then this podcast is for you.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine the good.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: So here are your hosts, Jason and Robin.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, I'm Robin Marr.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jason Dorland.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to Imagine the Good.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: Today we're gonna explore presence.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: What happens when we're truly present to ourself, each other, and life, how to cultivate it, and why it matters.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think the why it matters, well, I don't know which one is bigger for me or harder.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the right word is, but this is a I think this is a blind spot for everybody, if I'm honest.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, John Lennon's quote, life happens while we are busy making other plans.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I just I think it's so much about how we spend our days, either looking in the rearview mirror or planning about what's coming.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And and rarely are we, I'm not saying never, but rarely are we truly present to what's to what's happening.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I would add to that, to our own detriment, that when I think of the times in my life that have mattered most, that pop to mind uh in terms of big memories, invariably they have to do with being present.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, um our best moments uh we inhabit our best moments.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: When you're talking and you're saying we, it it reminds me um uh twenty-six years ago, uh reading Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now and the language of stating something in the negative.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think uh Example.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: We we are in the past or in the future.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's a negative assumption, which is uh often correct.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I think the nature of the world we live in can pull us into the past or the the future, uh because of how it impacts our bodies and our sense of safety and well-being.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um all that to say uh I think a lot of people are wanting to live with presence and be intentional.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: And it's a practice, it's um something that requires some thoughtfulness and embodiment in order to cultivate.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: So to your point, uh yes, it's easy to uh be looking in the rearview mirror or worrying about the future.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I know for myself uh practices that have helped me be more present uh have been really life-enriching and fulfilling.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but but I don't know that we're I don't know that we're it's it comes easy.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like I are I don't know if it's the monkey mind, I don't know, I don't know what term you want to give it, it's the meaning making that we do so well as humans, but it just seems we are always this is always spinning.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: I love this quote.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: I can be fully present to my life when I stop demanding that life be different than it is.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And and I don't know that there are too many times during the day where I stop demanding that life be different than it is, if I'm completely honest.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now it depends on whether or not there's a a big project coming up, a workshop, a keynote, working on a book, Substack, what have you, right?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Everything is about the thing that's coming next.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I find it's really hard to just break out of that pattern and not and not be not just worrying about the next thing or preparing for the next thing, but then uh reflecting on, well, how did that next thing and then when the next thing has come and gone, reflecting on, oh T's how'd that go?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: What was the feedback?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yada yada.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So it it I find that unless it is uh it's a constant reminder, then you know, by nature maybe, or maybe I'm just brutal um at this, but being present takes it's like a full-time gig, you know, and and I find that frustrating.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Find that super frustrating.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: I hear in your language uh effortful uh grasping.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I know that that doesn't fully characterize your experience of being present, but I think what you're talking about um for me comes back to our ways, Ema Gilcrest's work, our ways of attending to the world.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh Ema Gilcrest is a psychiatrist who wrote The Matter of Things and uh the Master and His Emissphere.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um our whole brain and nervous system is involved in all of our processing, but there's fundamental differences in how they attend to the world.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_03: And uh the right is uh an embodied and connected state that receives and values differently.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: The left evolved to uh manipulate the world to our favor.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: The left and right side of the brain.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: And so uh uh when we're attending through a right hemispheric orientation to the world, that's an embodied and connected state that supports presence.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: And so uh the more that we have experiences of one in our own development being received and being feeling felt and reflected it through another person's caring, the more we can more easily inhabit that space.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: And it's one of the biggest things that we can give other people is our presence.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: But it's state dependent.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, it's very difficult to be present when we're in a threat state.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: The uh physiology propels us towards narrowing our focus, thinking about what we need to do to protect ourselves.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_03: It can pull us uh also if uh we're experiencing difficult emotions, it's hard to be present with what is.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_03: And so that can shift us into a left mode and task orientation.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: So one of the ways that can support uh being present is understanding our physiology and what's happening and just noticing where is my energy in my body right now.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_03: I I recall when I was in graduate school how sometimes at the end of the day I felt like a spinning top all up in my head.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_03: And as I would drive away from the university to go for uh a run in the park on the way home, getting out into nature, uh connecting to my breath and uh uh being with the rhythm of my body helped shift my state.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: If my energy was up in my head, it was a way to come into my body with more awareness.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_03: And then the beauty of nature was also a way that invited presence.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: So uh thinking about the practices that cultivate that, um, but having the intention to uh bring our attention with an attunement to ourselves or the people we're with or what we're paying attention to in a way that's experiential, not conceptual.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: But when I think of the moments in my life where I was super present, in the moments before it I didn't have this, you know, I wasn't trying to be mindful or or I didn't have a note written down.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure you're really present when you know I was sort of pulled into the the the uh like it wasn't a choice.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: The experience of the moment took you into a place of awareness.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna give you an example.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: I remember one time drop we were driving down to the Grand Canyon with two roommates from Vancouver, and we had traveled through Utah and and we arrived at the north, I don't know what you call it, North Cliff, North something, north side, and there was a viewing deck.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: So we pulled up and we and we were kind of racing the sun.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: We wanted to get there before the sun uh went down, and so we got there in time, but it was a bit of a dash, a bit hectic.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: We parked, we're walking towards the viewing deck.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna say there's 30, 40 people at the viewing deck, okay?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: We get in there and we you know sort of find a spot.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And in the moment of seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time in my life, in the flesh, I was it was like I just got sucked right into being there.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: In reflection, what I find interesting about that was that you know, the deck was filled, as I said, 30, 40 people, nobody was speaking.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: So there's got to be people from who are who are in groups, families, neighbors, friends, what have you, people from all over the world, again, assumption, and nobody is saying a word.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so one of the most present moments of my life was not premeditated.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: I showed up and the circumstances of the moment pulled me into being present.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: It was such a powerful moment for me that like I was I I had a moment of perspective, as one might, when you see the vast size of the Grand Canyon.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like a flea in terms of holy crap, we are teeny tiny compared to what Mother Nature has created here.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so after that, I was so blown away by the experience.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, this is what is this, early 90s.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: I went and found a payphone.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: I went and found a payphone and I phoned my parents and I phoned my three siblings, and I told them where I was and what I had just seen.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I've never done that.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I'm on a road trip with a bunch of buddies or friends, I'm not calling my mom and dad or my siblings to say, hey, I'm at the Grand Canyon.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: You should see it.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: That wasn't it.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: It was just a it was it was just I was so moved to share that moment with my family.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: And again, not premeditated.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was afterwards thinking, wow, I gotta, I gotta tell my family.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And that was I wanted to share the experience.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Not the postcard moment or whatever, it was the experience, the emotion, the feeling that was created in those few short moments of standing there with complete strangers, but being impacted the exact same way.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: It was, I'll never forget it.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was really, really cool.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: And you're talking about an experience of awe and wonder and how that can open us to the moment in ways that are beautiful and special, in in how powerful presence when we're really witnessing and experiencing something fully, just how beautiful those moments are.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was uh something else.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: And interestingly enough, I think it was the next night or the night after, we camped down there, and one of the reasons we went down there was one of my roommates had lost her brother.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and so she brought some of his ashes down.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I don't even know if that was legal back then, and and um and we had this sort of moment on the edge of the, this was on just the three of us, on the edge of the canyon, let his ashes go into the canyon.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I knew her, but not super well.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: But if I ever run into her on a street or at an event or something, I haven't seen her in forever.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: That moment was a connection moment.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: I could appreciate the magnitude of releasing your brother's ashes into the Grand Canyon and why you would want to do that.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it was uh I didn't uh I didn't walk to the edge of the canyon going, oh geez, so-and-so is gonna put her brother's ashes in the canyon.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: I better be present.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't premeditated.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was pulled into it unconsciously because of the effect of what being present, of how sort of turning up what being present would be.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't decide to turn it up.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: It the moment turned it up.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes spontaneously captures us in the moment in a way that's breathtakingly awe-inspiring.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_03: And we can also cultivate the capacity uh in the same way that uh creativity, uh, we create the space um for the muse to appear.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_03: Uh cultivating intention is a powerful way that uh enables being present more effectively.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_03: And and for me, intention connects me to the heart.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: What do I value and how can I be aligned with those values?
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: And and typically there's an element of love and care and kindness or generosity or appreciating, and those elements help facilitate being present with other people in a way that I appreciate.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so I've I would love to be able to call upon that and not rely on the moment necessarily.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: So, and and I don't mean in a disingenuous way.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I want I um, you know, all of the moments that I wrote down about what I the like the stories that I want to share are moments where again the circumstances invited a presence that was next level.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was sort of kicked out of everyday living and drawn into an important moment, the birth of our child, right?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: When Matea was born, it was, I mean, there was there was a little panic with the the cord, the cord thing, but once that was done, the cord thing, um, thank you, uh then again the magnitude of our child has just come into the to the world.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: And and this is a big deal.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember the first time I held her, and it's sort of it kind of lands.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this is this is serious stuff, Jay.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like this gets real now.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you can, you know, the the baby showers and all the events and the parties and the cards and the gifts and and all that kind of stuff.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's wonderful, but in the moment you hold your child for the first time, as they say, shit gets real.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: And and that was a moment where things got real for me.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: And uh again, can't forget it, won't forget it, impossible to forget it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't do that, the moment did that.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: I responded to the moment, and I want to learn, I I would love to be able to pull that awareness out like a card and say, okay, Jace, time to be super aware.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't, and I find that's the frustrating part.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's because I'm too busy going forward or reflecting on going back.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: So, how have you uh tried to be more in the moon?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think like most people, right?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: You do the meditation stuff in the morning, you do the journaling, you um, yeah, I don't know.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I get stuck is the is the how.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I understand it.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: I listen to you, I get it, I know about Eckhart Tolli, I get it, but uh goes over the head way too many times, and I feel left behind on that topic.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: So and over the head suggests that it's in the head.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: I know, that's the part, right?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_03: To me, it's not it's not about being in the head, it's about being in the heart.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: So the the cultivation of our attention through mindfulness and meditation practices and the journaling to know what the story that we hold in our our minds and to connect to intentions and goals.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: But for me, the the element of intention it is a powerful practice with that, uh, understanding how to work with our state, knowing where we are, and being intentional.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so I don't know if I've mentioned it in other episodes, but practicing the intention pause as we transition through the day, um, as I move to uh another segment, inviting how do I want to show up to this takes me to my heart, typically, and helps me um align with my values and be more present.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, the intentionality that feels anchored in the heart of what matters most, what do I care about?
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: And then the the practice, and I I've told this story repeatedly um about being a child and having my uncle Terry come to Nova Scotia to visit in the summer and feeling his presence, his kind, warm, receptive presence, what that felt like in my body to just be so warmly received and attended to.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: That felt beautiful and fabulous.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I wanted to give that gift to others, and so remembering that because of the effect it had on me and my siblings and other people.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: Um, he wasn't tasked with discipline and parenting in ways that were old school.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: He he got to be the the kind, the kind, the kind uncle.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I think we can bring presence when we're disciplining as well.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_03: It just wasn't necessarily the the way back at the time.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: So uh for me, the practice of remembering intention, connecting with it in an embodied way, and and learning how to inhabit our bodies with a sense of safety and well-being.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: Because so often when we're not present, we're stressed, afraid, agitated.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um and and when that feels overwhelming or too much, then our physiology can pull us into task mode of well, let's get going, let's take care of business, let's do things in ways that bring us out of the present moment.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: And with that, we can get things done in a with presence.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's just when we're fully present in uh in doing, when the being and doing merge, the qualities of acceptance or enthusiasm and engagement are present in ways that are expansive and feel uh like there's a spaciousness for them.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_03: So uh Lots of possibilities to work with this, and it's a lifetime practice.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think that's the part that's that I'm that I've sort of arrived at is that it's a lifetime practice, and um maybe I need to stop uh doing with this what I've done with so many things is that is putting it out there as a goal, a place where I will get to, as opposed to you know, I need to do X, Y, and Z in order to be present, or I can just be present.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because I didn't have to do X, Y, and Z in order to be present at the Grand Canyon when Matea was born, boom, it just it happened in an instant.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think like I'd like this reference here that um presence is not attention management but as but reconciliation with reality.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: And to me, that kind of turns it on its head a bit, because the way I look at it is that presence is it's like another task, it's something to master, the idea of being present, and um when I when I catch when I catch myself not being present, which is often, I I start running, it starts running through my head, okay, so how are you going to, you know, how are you going to change that?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: Or here you go again, right?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're you're in your head, you're thinking, what have you.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: But invariably, what I find so true about this notion, the reconciliation with reality, is that sometimes what sends me off into the future or the past is that I'm not comfortable with reality.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like where I am, I don't like the circumstances.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so I go looking for something other than than what's than what is.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Is that am I the only guy out there doing that?
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: I think all of us can go to mood repair with uh the past or the future.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I I love Byron Cady's quote when we argue with what is, we lose.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: And so um acceptance as a practice in living, allow as we talked about in the last episode, uh, is an ongoing process.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Recognizing when we're left shifted in uh I'm grasping and trying to manipulate and control the world versus can I take a breath and relax into the moment to receive and and open to what is and then decide what is the next right action that's aligned with who I want to be and what needs what the situation calls for.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think of Ike, you know, when he um in his last days, moments, what have you, and when he died, in the moment that he died, I wasn't uh, you know, there's no um what's the term hysteria, there's no freaking out or or what have you.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: Bless you.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: And um and and it was such, you know, maybe this sounds weird, but it was such a cool moment.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: In in the moment when his heart stopped, and I had my heart, my hand on his on his heart, and I remember Claudia gave him, you know, sort of the shot, if you will, and she and she said it'll be very quick, and sure enough, right?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: I could feel his heart stop, and I just said he's gone.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and uh there was and again, there was no conscious pro moment of okay, keep calm, don't get upset.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: It just it just who I was was an un was a non-premeditated being.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: I was just there and I was witnessing and I was okay with it.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we had time leading up to it, so we kind of, you know, he had cancer, we knew he was gonna go.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: But what was so cool about that moment was, as you well remember, the you know, it being kind of cloudy all day, light rain, cool temperatures, and then in the moment he died, it was like a Disney movie where the clouds sort of parted, the sun came out, and this wind came up that was just you know, kind of like today, it was just this wind out of nowhere, and people had to grab their jackets and you know what have you, and and it was uh again one of those moments that you couldn't help but be present to because of how because the moment demanded that you be present to it.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: I bet you if I ran into any of the people that, yes, we invited people to the to the death of our dog, if I ran into those people and I said, Do you remember?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'll guarantee you all of them would remember because it was just one of those moments where you couldn't help but be present because of the circumstances.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, fast forward to the death of my dad, and I remember in the moments before he started, he had been in the hospital, not well, unconscious, and and I remember going up to him when by myself and saying, you know, if you want to leave, you can leave.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's gonna be just fine.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: And and with them within a matter of moments, five minutes or so, he he began to go.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like breathing became more irregular, heartbeat became more faint, and I sat there beside him, not panicked, not, oh my god, my dad's dying.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was one of the most, it was uh gift, I guess is the word.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that my experience with Ike allowed me to be okay with dad leaving.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe even that's why he chose me to go with.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't know, maybe that's maybe I'm making a story up there.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: But it was it was invariably one of the most beautiful moments of my life, right?
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: Being able to hold his hand and almost cheerlead him, saying it's okay to go, and and then watching him go, and then calling you on the phone on a few member, and just being with them, and I was so at peace.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was just so beautiful.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I think again, I didn't, it wasn't a moment of, oh geez, if dad goes today, I need to be really present.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: It it was there was nothing premeditated.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: The moment created the response, and my response was uber presence.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: And the result of that is it's a memory that's deep in me, and I'll and it'll likely never leave.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes the beauty of life captivates us so fully that it opens us in profound ways, and we have the opportunity to cultivate presence through our our inner attending to ourselves and and relationally.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_03: We don't have to just wait for those big, beautiful moments.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_03: We can attend to our ordinary moments every day.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: I often use the example of the dogs because I can be in any kind of state, and going and looking into their eyes takes me into the moment in a way that opens my heart, makes me grateful, and brings me into the moment.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good example.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I was when I was walking Oakley this morning, yeah, and every time, you know, he will he will stop, he'll sniff, he'll do whatever, and and he doesn't care.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like he is, whatever it is he's sniffing, he is 100% there.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: Me, I'm holding the leash.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, Oakley, let's get, you know, we gotta watch our time, blah blah blah, all this stuff.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, but not him.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: He is super present to what's going down, and and it's a good example, good reminder.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know what the right word is, but yeah, you're right.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: Our dogs are or pets, I suppose, are are great reminders of what it means to be living in the moment, living present.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oakley's a he is uh, yeah, he's he's a he does that every time I watch him.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: He's not thinking, I mean, okay, he is thinking about the next meal for sure.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: Labrador, got it.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: But when he's in the backyard, when we're on a walk, he is on that walk.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: And there is nothing else that matters.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when I go on a walk with him, there's a lot else that matters.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: And I I think it's one of the most common portals for people to being present.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_03: And and for me, presence has so much to do about the heart, about being open-hearted.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_03: And just even the this morning, uh finishing a run sliding into the lake, and we saw uh a park neighbor, he usually has two goldens, was with one and said, you know, where's Odin?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: And he he wells up and says he's gone yesterday.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_03: And and and it seems like there's been a number of people in the last uh little while.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: There there's been a lot of loss.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: And the way that that I think the loss is so big because they are such beautiful guardians of the heart, and the way that they take us into that space and be present in life is is enormous.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_03: We know what uh the beautiful creatures that we've uh walk through life with, that run through life with, what they've given us, and I think that that is an everyday experience that is there for us, as can children be if we are if we open to it.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what I was gonna say, you know, you don't get to dogs four and five for no reason, right?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: They are they are an integral part of our life, and and as much as we provide a home and love and a life and what have you, I mean goodness, the the giving back that that is reciprocated is enormous.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's I mean, goodness, it's one of the many reasons that we have them in our lives.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: As far as the children go, and and I would agree, yeah, um lots of lessons, lots of lots of possibilities there.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: When I think back to time with Matea at a at a playground or or what have you, yeah, same sort of thing, right?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's trying to be present at the playground.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: But what sort of breaks my heart sometimes when I see young mom or dads walking their child in a stroller and they're on their phone, and I just go, ugh yuck.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because sure, the child can't communicate, but I'm guessing on some level there's the eye the eye contact is less.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'm guaranteed you there's research on that.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, whether it's early, early child development, um relationships, friendships, yes, there's there's lots of research on how technology is inviting distraction and impairing attention, intention, um those marketing services, and big tech is very good at recruiting our attention and inviting impulsivity.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so my question becomes what is it about their reality that they are using technology to escape, distract, what have you.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think for for me, that's part of the equation is being comfortable with reality.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: When I am when I am looking ahead, reflecting back, out when I'm in my head, invariably it's because there's a circumstance that I'm not super aw super okay with, whether it's business, whether it's whatever.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I am I am looking to occupy my mind and time with something that that I'm more okay with.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: But when I can catch myself and be and just go, okay, this is you know, to your point, when you argue with what is, you're gonna freaking lose.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: And when I when I can be okay with what is and the emotions that come with that, uh it does allow me to be more present.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_03: And it's it's not uh uh a command, you know, be present.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's relates to our body states and our capacity to be with difficult emotions.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_03: So um again, that's an ongoing process.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_03: We all can engage in mood repair, and sometimes appropriately so.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm dysregulated, I'm out of sorts.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe uh a walk in nature is a way to return to myself and then reflect on what's got me upset in a state that's more resourceful.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um so uh it's not to judge that we all um find things a a bit overwhelming and too much at times, or for people who have had developmental trauma or overwhelming life experiences, the nervous system is impaired and it is hard to be present with what is held in the body.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_03: So it's having compassion for ourselves and returning to the principle of no enemies within.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_03: Every part of us wants something good for us.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_03: It's just uh shifting from the weird, wacky, or painful ways that we try to meet needs with more skillful ways of meeting our needs that are life-affirming and don't uh create unintended consequences.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 37:28
  unknown: Right.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_03: So the relationship between uh uh being in an embodied and connected state that's supported by other people as well as our own growing capacity to um be with our inner life and to engage in daily living in ways that support that.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_03: But some of it is systemic in terms of what is happening in the world and how that impacts people.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_03: Uh we're uh enjoying um beautiful Vancouver Island and all the goodness that that affords in our lives.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_03: Uh for others, um the circumstances of where they live and what they're dealing with can make day-to-day existence very difficult.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that's a great, I mean, that's a great reminder all the time, is to is to check on check in on the fact that we've won the lottery, right?
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_01: Not just because we live on Vancouver Island, but you know, perhaps because we live in North America, Canada, what have you.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: And and our our problems in many people's lives are would be small, right?
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, there's still problems, and that's not to judge that, oh, you know, your problems aren't warranted of worry or concern.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's just yeah, it's a good little moment of um of awareness, right?
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: Of going that what I find uncomfortable in the grand scheme, maybe I can get comfortable with.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: But again, back to the notion of that's our work.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: Fair?
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that that's ongoing.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like we cross a finish line in this.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: We don't get to a day where wow, okay, I'm super present, and and that's it until I check out.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_03: And it's it's not about being perfect in the same way, you know, attuned attention.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_03: Presence is not just it's warm attuned attention.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_03: Uh for myself, with my training as uh as a counselor and a somatic uh psychotherapist, um, being aware of my body attuned to another person in the space in between has been a 20-plus year practice and ongoing training.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_03: And and so um I've I'm invited to that space in an ongoing way.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_03: And and my attention goes away with the birds.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm distracted or brought into other things that aren't immediate.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_03: And it's returning, it's recognizing and returning of oh, was this too much to hold?
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_03: Was it moving away from what felt difficult in the moment?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, was it something that was said that took me to another memory or a concern for the future?
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_03: Um our our attention and intention is it it moves around.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's just when we notice, can we come return with kind intention towards ourselves and others?
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's not uh about being perfect, it's practicing presence.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you brought up just we we've uh both uh expressed how uh the most beautiful uh uh moments in our lives uh have come with deep presence.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: And when I started paying attention to presence, my life was enriched and I became more fulfilled, and my performance as an athlete was enriched, my enjoyment of other people and life was expanded in profound ways.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, practicing presence is synonymous with living well.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I uh I from what I can see you practice it very well because uh I don't uh yeah, you're just more um in the game.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's you know, that's just such a stupid sport analogy.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: But uh yeah, I just noticed that your awareness is head and shoulders above where mine is, except in certain circumstances.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like cooking in the kitchen, yes, where I can leave the kitchen to leave a pot on and be totally with another idea or experience.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um great, not not super great awareness or presence in the kitchen.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_03: But um if I leave the kitchen, I can get lost between, as I say, the kitchen and the front door in terms of uh the alien mind of exploding thoughts and ideas or captured in the moment.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_03: Uh my teammates used to uh poke fun at me when we go for a run, and I'd be look at the flower, look at the XYZ.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_03: I can't imagine that.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_03: And and so uh that was one of the lovely things about uh when we weren't doing more intense workouts, easy runs in nature.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_03: Uh for me it was a mindfulness practice of attuning to my breath, my body, the rhythm, and then taking notice of the beauty on the trails surrounding me.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_03: So a dance between inner and outer.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I just so appreciate how that enriched my life as a as an awareness practice.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: Just you know, one last story that reminds me of uh the running piece and sport, what have you.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think maybe one of the first moments of my of having an elevated awareness that I can recall anyway, was at the opening ceremonies at the Olympics in Seoul in 1988.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: I I and the reason I remember it is because again, didn't go into there going, wow, this is the opening ceremonies, you need to really pay attention because this is going to matter to you in years from now.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_01: That wasn't the gig.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_01: It was I mean, it was fun and all that kind of stuff, and we walked in.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: And we threw our Canadian frisbees and and all that kind of stuff.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: And there were, yeah, the crowd was huge and the noise was insane.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: And but for me, the moment came when we waited for the torch.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: And this older Korean gentleman who was, I believe, a marathoner from I forget what Olympics.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so he ran the last leg of the of the of the torch relay.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm on the, you know, all the athletes are on the inside of the track.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: And uh this gentleman comes into the stadium with the torch, and uh, and he runs, you know, eventually, because I'm up against the edge of the track, and he runs right by me.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I I remember the magnitude of that moment um amplifying very quickly.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because at first it was, okay, here comes the torch bearer, he's gonna light, you know, gonna light the torch, and everyone's gonna cheer, and and the Olympics are on.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right, here we go, let's get going.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because we didn't come over here to light a freaking torch.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: And but instead, I was struck by watching this older gentleman run around the track and go by me and thinking about his journey to this day, what it was like for the Olympics when he competed, just stuff I would have never thought of, right?
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: Just I didn't care, wasn't there to for that.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: But in that moment, I did care.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_01: And and what also hit home in that moment was, as I said, the magnitude of the Olympics and the number and the shoulders that I was standing on.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: My parents, uh, my high school coaches, all the experiences I had had, my siblings, all of it, all my friends.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: They had a party for me to leave, and you know, it didn't matter to me until that moment that I realized, wow, there's a lot of people that are cheering for this at home.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: And um and it didn't and it didn't hit until that moment.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: And again, not premeditated.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was pulled into that moment by the moment.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: And uh super powerful, right?
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was it was a pretty cool way to begin the Olympics because for a short while the the point of the Olympics, the possibility of the Olympics, the reason we have the Olympics landed for me very briefly.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, it was beautiful.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I got super emotional, and I I just couldn't believe that.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: It was 24, 25 years old.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_01: I was over there to win a gold medal.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't over there to get all mushy and whatever at the Olympic uh opening ceremonies.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it's caught me off guard, but uh yeah, I'll never forget that either.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_03: What I hear in that is you shifting from your small self, the self that's rooted in fear, and to the connected self, the self that has a sense of belonging to the whole.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, presence is lived in that connected self where life feels more expansive and and we do belong and feel a sense of our wholeness.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_03: And that's a a beautiful example of it.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_03: It reminds me of uh uh uh in a in a different way uh in 1984 it was my first uh uh time representing Canada with the uh the national team at the Pan Am Juniors in the Bahamas, and my parents went and and watched that that race.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_03: And then the next international event that they attended was the Commonwealth Games ten years later in 1994.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: Here in Victoria.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: Here in Victoria.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_03: And and I had a surprisingly great race that felt deeply uh I felt deeply present and open in the moment in a way that profoundly affected me.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_03: But after the race, when I was coming around the track, the chain link fence behind some of the the inside uh space, my friend Ruth, who was my older friend I met in ballroom dance.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_03: Right, um we had a meeting of the mines, and she was uh just a dear friend.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: She had polio as a child, so one leg was three or four inches shorter than the other.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_03: So the way she moved across the chain uh behind the chain link fence, it was easy to see um uh see that it was Ruth, and she called out uh beautiful race Robin, and I I could see her, but and uh it was lovely to hear from her.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_03: But then this man that was standing beside her that came to the chain link face fence, his face was a bit obscured by the chain link.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_03: And yet the emotion in his face so cop stopped me in my tracks and captured me because of the uh the expression on his face, and then it realized it was my father, but he was so overcome.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_03: The tenderness and the beauty of how that moment touched him, yeah, cool, just was such an expansive, beautiful moment, and he didn't he couldn't speak, he just kind of shook his head.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I can picture that.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_03: But the sharing of that moment with him for all that he gave to me um was just so expansive.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, neat, beautiful.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so again, how presence can feel so shared, and there's such a deep sense of connection with that, yeah, centered in the heart.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_03: With such moments, it invites me back to the question of how do we want to be more present to ourselves, to life and each other, by uh uh paying attention to our breath, coming safely into our bodies, by witnessing the beauty of nature, by taking a moment to see people we love and care about, who do we want to be with that helps us be more present?
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_03: Who where do we want to go?
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_03: I think uh the nature of how life can be when we're more present, and present to what is difficult as well, but it's easier to process what is difficult when we can fully inhabit the moment.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for sharing that, Robert.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for your sharing.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, neat.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that's a perfect spot to wrap it up.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_03: So thank you for being with us today.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_03: Please leave your questions or comments um at the link below.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_03: If you uh appreciated this time together today, please like and subscribe.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_03: And we look forward to seeing you next time.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks everyone.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: See everyone.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: Take care.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_01: Bye-bye.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_01: Bye-bye.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it for today's episode of Imagine the Good.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance the grand prize drumming to win a$10,000 value private VIP day with Jason and Robin themselves.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to head on over to ImaginTheGood.com and pick up a free copy of Jason and Robin's gift and join us on the next episode.