Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / Best Of 2025: Chontel Duncan, Becky Lucas, Sassy Scott plus more!

Transcript

Best Of 2025: Chontel Duncan, Becky Lucas, Sassy Scott plus more! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two Doting Dads. My name is Matty
0:02
Speaker 1: Jay and I'm Ash, and this is a podcast all
0:04
Speaker 1: about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad,
0:07
Speaker 1: and and we don't give advice, but our guests do
0:11
Speaker 1: give advice sometimes. And this happens to be a best
0:14
Speaker 1: of Guest episode because Ash and myself we deserve a
0:18
Speaker 1: bloody break because we work hard.
0:20
Speaker 2: Yes, we moved on from the Bahamas. Wherever we moved
0:22
Speaker 2: on to Southeast Asia is lovely?
0:25
Speaker 1: Is it the Philippines?
0:26
Speaker 3: Yeah?
0:26
Speaker 1: Sure, we're putting Philippines on the list of places to visit.
0:30
Speaker 4: It's this is North Korea.
0:31
Speaker 5: Actually.
0:33
Speaker 2: In this episode, we do talk to Chantel Duncan, which
0:36
Speaker 2: her son had a close call with drowning.
0:39
Speaker 1: We also have Becky Lucas struggling with her son's heart conditions.
0:43
Speaker 1: Ben Tate you might remember him from Ben and Zara,
0:46
Speaker 1: and he had an incident where he almost missed the
0:49
Speaker 1: birth of his child because of an international ad that
0:52
Speaker 1: he was on.
0:53
Speaker 2: We also have Sam Frost along with Hugo Tuv which
0:57
Speaker 2: is an amazing story. And we finish it off with
1:00
Speaker 2: one of our closer personal friends of the show, Sassy,
1:02
Speaker 2: which we call him a.
1:04
Speaker 1: Close Yes, I will. I'll continue forever.
1:06
Speaker 4: Can we call him that?
1:07
Speaker 1: I comment on all I'm like that weird person. There's
1:10
Speaker 1: always one or two people who comment on every post.
1:12
Speaker 4: They're talking about you behind your back, for sure.
1:14
Speaker 1: And every time they post anything, I'm like, that's so funny,
1:16
Speaker 1: because you guys are hilarious. But Sasi's got one of
1:20
Speaker 1: my favorite episodes. He is in a same sex relationship.
1:23
Speaker 1: So he talks about the very long, difficult journey to
1:26
Speaker 1: surrogacy and becoming a dad.
1:28
Speaker 6: Let's get into it, let's do it.
1:43
Speaker 1: We had been speaking to a lot of experts lately,
1:46
Speaker 1: Sam about childbirth and what dads can do in that environment.
1:53
Speaker 1: Was there anything in particular that Jordi did that was
1:55
Speaker 1: very helpful? And if it doesn't have to be we
2:00
Speaker 1: were to be honest, Ash and I were both a
2:01
Speaker 1: bit average.
2:02
Speaker 4: Yeah, we'd call it.
2:04
Speaker 1: At the same time. Was there anything that he did
2:06
Speaker 1: that you were like, probably wouldn't do that again.
2:08
Speaker 7: So Jordy, while I was and.
2:11
Speaker 1: Jordy, we love you again, asked for a cigarette while
2:16
Speaker 1: I was in labor.
2:17
Speaker 7: Obviously my body is going through a lot. Let me
2:21
Speaker 7: just emphasize.
2:22
Speaker 1: Also, we'll just preface that we've done a tens machine,
2:24
Speaker 1: so we get, we get.
2:27
Speaker 4: We're brave. Okay, we are brave man, that is so
2:34
Speaker 4: we gotta be like, yeah, that's true.
2:37
Speaker 2: We did do a tens machine and like we couldn't
2:39
Speaker 2: hack level ten.
2:40
Speaker 4: Yeah we got to fifteen.
2:43
Speaker 5: You guys must know exactly what it's like.
2:44
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, the.
2:46
Speaker 2: Whole Yeah, but yeah, JORDI had a headache.
2:48
Speaker 7: So the guy and I was like, you know, obviously
2:54
Speaker 7: in the thick of it, and I wasna say ten.
2:58
Speaker 7: And Jordy was like, hey, to be that guy, but
3:01
Speaker 7: I have got a killer headache like you.
3:08
Speaker 5: And he's like, can you give me.
3:09
Speaker 8: Some about me?
3:13
Speaker 3: I know?
3:13
Speaker 7: And I still give him a hard.
3:14
Speaker 5: Time about that, and is he regret asking?
3:18
Speaker 7: He's heard me talk about it and he guess, well,
3:21
Speaker 7: I didn't want the moment meeting my son ruined by.
3:24
Speaker 4: Head which fair.
3:30
Speaker 3: I know.
3:30
Speaker 1: This is a bit of a traumatic one. It's it's
3:32
Speaker 1: probably every parent's worse fear. Yeah, but it involved this
3:37
Speaker 1: one the swimming pool two years ago.
3:40
Speaker 3: Pretty much in a couple of weeks will be two
3:43
Speaker 3: years to the day that Yeah, that was you just
3:49
Speaker 3: you know, it's a possibility, you know, how to protect everything.
3:54
Speaker 3: You do everything by the book, but there's things that
3:58
Speaker 3: you cannot control. And one for us is the fact
4:01
Speaker 3: that we have older there's more than one child. We
4:05
Speaker 3: could be as safe and shut front doors, shut garage doors,
4:08
Speaker 3: shut poolgates, fix things, put things away, but you can't
4:13
Speaker 3: see what the older ones are doing and what they're
4:15
Speaker 3: forgetting to put away or what they're forgetting to check
4:18
Speaker 3: all the time. And that that was the twenty second
4:25
Speaker 3: or twenty third of December. We were prepping the house.
4:28
Speaker 3: Sam and I were running around like headless chooks while
4:31
Speaker 3: the twins were sleeping or not crying, and trying to
4:34
Speaker 3: clean the house and get it ready for all our
4:35
Speaker 3: family to come over. And I just remember seeing Paris,
4:43
Speaker 3: our third child. Here is the bravest kid. He literally
4:48
Speaker 3: has no fear. And this is how it happened. This
4:50
Speaker 3: is the issues. Our boys are so boisterous and they
4:53
Speaker 3: have no fear. And I remember watching him jump on
4:55
Speaker 3: the trampoline. They do it after they go for a
4:57
Speaker 3: swim to dry off, and they call it like being
4:59
Speaker 3: a Liz. They lay down on the mat on the
5:01
Speaker 3: tramp and they were all jumping, and then I remember
5:05
Speaker 3: looking back and he wasn't in the trampoline, and he's
5:08
Speaker 3: so loud, so you know where he is. And I
5:11
Speaker 3: turned and I noticed that the pool gate was slightly opened.
5:14
Speaker 3: There was a toy in the way, like a seat thing,
5:18
Speaker 3: and I just remember dropping my phone and then walking
5:23
Speaker 3: close out. I couldn't see anything in the pool because
5:25
Speaker 3: he was so tucked up against the wall. And I
5:28
Speaker 3: remember walking and I saw the head and I just screamed,
5:31
Speaker 3: like the bloody murder Sam's name. It was like the
5:34
Speaker 3: worst exorcism voice that came out. Neighbors everyone heard it.
5:38
Speaker 3: I jumped in, grabbed him and he was this dead flop,
5:41
Speaker 3: like a complete flop. Oh my, my husband came running
5:44
Speaker 3: out and I almost just like dropped him into his arms,
5:48
Speaker 3: and then he's screaming, called the ambulance, Called the ambulance.
5:52
Speaker 3: And I couldn't find my phone. I didn't know what
5:54
Speaker 3: I did with it, and so I'm running inside trying
5:56
Speaker 3: to check everything, and I could not find a phone
5:58
Speaker 3: and he's yelling call the ambulus as he appliing that's
6:02
Speaker 3: performing CPR, and then I find it. I'll call them,
6:06
Speaker 3: and by the time the answer I turn around, Comparis
6:10
Speaker 3: is up and Sam's holding them and he's just like crying,
6:14
Speaker 3: but he's like fine, So I'm calling, I'm telling them
6:19
Speaker 3: what's happened. They're coming straight over. We were able to
6:23
Speaker 3: check the camera footage so that we could tell them
6:25
Speaker 3: exactly how long he had gone under for and also
6:28
Speaker 3: for the council that they come and they checked for negligence.
6:30
Speaker 3: So really, you know, we had everything to make sure
6:33
Speaker 3: that we were to the strict Queensland safety guidelines like
6:38
Speaker 3: our pool and everything like, you know, it wasn't our
6:40
Speaker 3: negligence and how that happened to the child and he
6:43
Speaker 3: was under for two minutes ten fuck.
6:49
Speaker 4: H so long and like goosebumps that.
6:55
Speaker 5: And he was.
6:56
Speaker 3: Only two two years old, he was tiny. He blacked
7:00
Speaker 3: out at one minute twenty. You can see him just
7:01
Speaker 3: give up. I could have watched the video. Sam sent
7:05
Speaker 3: it to me when I was in hospital, but I
7:06
Speaker 3: didn't watch it, but he watched it, and I don't
7:09
Speaker 3: think i'll ever watch it, to be honest. But we
7:12
Speaker 3: went into hospital, they did all the checks, they did
7:15
Speaker 3: all the scans, and they come in and this is
7:17
Speaker 3: the end of our journey there. We'd stayed overnight. They're like, okay,
7:22
Speaker 3: the report is there is not one single thing wrong
7:25
Speaker 3: with your son. We can't find a single thing. He
7:27
Speaker 3: has blocked his He's like completely blocked, so no fluid
7:31
Speaker 3: went down, nothing went in his lungs. He's not at
7:34
Speaker 3: risk of pneumonia anything. There's no temperature on your child.
7:39
Speaker 3: There is nothing. He's passing all the like neurological chests
7:43
Speaker 3: and things like that.
7:44
Speaker 1: And I'm assuming they're kind of saying this, They're like,
7:46
Speaker 1: that's a miracle. Yeah, oh yeah, go.
7:49
Speaker 4: And he didn't take any water into his.
7:51
Speaker 5: Lungs, nothing his body, like.
7:55
Speaker 4: A muscle contracted or something.
7:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, it does. It normally happened and definitely not at
8:01
Speaker 3: that age. We walked out of that hospital. Literally both
8:04
Speaker 3: just walked out of that hospital and they're like count
8:07
Speaker 3: your blessings and Merry Christmas.
8:08
Speaker 2: And I was like, holy shit, did you Like straight
8:12
Speaker 2: away after that, I would have like concrete at the
8:14
Speaker 2: bull up.
8:15
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. We were like and we didn't have
8:17
Speaker 3: to tell our boys because they were shocked. They were
8:20
Speaker 3: they saw the whole thing. We went straight online and
8:24
Speaker 3: I was like, if there is one thing that I
8:26
Speaker 3: can do to try redeem this situation, is everyone's gone
8:31
Speaker 3: and going to be around a pool for Christmas with
8:33
Speaker 3: their friends and family, and they're all going to drop
8:34
Speaker 3: the ball. They're all going to turn a blind eye.
8:36
Speaker 3: They're all going to be more relaxed, they are going
8:38
Speaker 3: to they're not going to think about what the older kids.
8:41
Speaker 4: Might be doing.
8:41
Speaker 3: And so we went online and we just spread, we
8:44
Speaker 3: fully spread the awareness of you need to watch pool gates,
8:48
Speaker 3: you need to be on the ball, You need to
8:50
Speaker 3: allocate someone to consistently watch the kids in the pool
8:54
Speaker 3: and check the gates.
8:57
Speaker 1: Like yeah, you know, if it makes you feel any
9:00
Speaker 1: any better. But when Marley was really young, we only
9:03
Speaker 1: had I think Lola might have been a newborn. At
9:06
Speaker 1: our old house, we had a little paddle pool and
9:10
Speaker 1: stupidly we know not to fill it up like any
9:12
Speaker 1: higher than like ankle deep water, but we filled it
9:15
Speaker 1: up really high. We had friends over and it was
9:18
Speaker 1: one of those situations where you're kind of entertaining. You
9:20
Speaker 1: got friends over, Laura and I kind of got lost
9:22
Speaker 1: and who's looking after Marley. We had a front and
9:24
Speaker 1: a backyard. The paddle pool was in the front, and
9:27
Speaker 1: it got to a point where we said, where's Marley
9:30
Speaker 1: And we were looking around couldn't find her, and luckily she.
9:33
Speaker 4: Was just too small.
9:34
Speaker 1: She was trying, she'd been trying to climb into the
9:37
Speaker 1: paddle pool which was filled up like a she and
9:40
Speaker 1: she was only you know, she was crawling at this stage.
9:43
Speaker 1: And you know, we think, gosh, it's so easy to
9:46
Speaker 1: just lose them for a split second. And you think,
9:49
Speaker 1: you mentioned before, you're like two minutes ten, that's a
9:51
Speaker 1: long time, but you think, gosh, it could have been,
9:53
Speaker 1: could have been so much worse.
9:55
Speaker 3: Yes, just that things can change in an instance, and
10:01
Speaker 3: you just never ever want to take away the joy
10:06
Speaker 3: in each day and the opportunity to have each day.
10:09
Speaker 3: I think that's what really brought us closer as a unit,
10:12
Speaker 3: is like it might be really hard to have five kids,
10:15
Speaker 3: but we would never change it for the world.
10:18
Speaker 9: It was weird because yeah, in so many ways, I
10:20
Speaker 9: had a you know, he was a normal baby, and
10:23
Speaker 9: I just could not enjoy it in the same way.
10:25
Speaker 9: And I like, really, it feels like life has started now.
10:28
Speaker 10: Yes, So the lead up to the surgery, not knowing
10:31
Speaker 10: when it's going to happen, I suppose they.
10:33
Speaker 9: Said yes, but then we did lock it in. So
10:36
Speaker 9: after that hospital stay, the surgeon was like, let's just
10:39
Speaker 9: lock it in, we'll do it, and the leadof is
10:42
Speaker 9: just I mean, I lost my mind.
10:44
Speaker 4: I was just like I would.
10:46
Speaker 9: Just walk around crying, weeping in public, like I don't
10:51
Speaker 9: know you, I just it was just so sad, so
10:54
Speaker 9: I'm going to cry.
10:57
Speaker 4: So funny that I was talking about being having come
11:03
Speaker 4: but yeah, it's it's like a it's oh my god,
11:06
Speaker 4: it's embarrassing. I mean, yeah, obviously it's a sad topic.
11:12
Speaker 9: But he's really good now, like he's really he's really strong.
11:17
Speaker 5: He's actually already lifting.
11:19
Speaker 2: Other than you waiting for surgery or is it normal?
11:27
Speaker 9: Like everything is well, they tell me, like they they're like, yeah,
11:31
Speaker 9: he can do everything.
11:32
Speaker 4: He needs to check up every year for.
11:33
Speaker 9: The rest of his life, and he will need when
11:37
Speaker 9: he's older, like when he goes through puberty. They will
11:39
Speaker 9: need to put another valve in. That's the main thing.
11:42
Speaker 9: But the surgeon seems to think that they won't have
11:45
Speaker 9: to do open heart again, that they can do most
11:47
Speaker 9: of these things via catheter. So I'll always worry, like
11:51
Speaker 9: I'll just always freak out. And he's so active and
11:55
Speaker 9: sometimes I'm like, just chill. I just want him to
12:00
Speaker 9: be a ballet dancer or something. I wanted to be athletic,
12:03
Speaker 9: but like not contact sport. Yeah, and I'm just scared
12:07
Speaker 9: that he was going to want to play rugby. And
12:09
Speaker 9: because there's a fame that you do know Sean White,
12:11
Speaker 9: the Olympic snowboarder, he has tetralogy A fellow really Yeah,
12:15
Speaker 9: so he needed.
12:16
Speaker 4: Like three open heart surgeries before.
12:17
Speaker 11: The age of five.
12:18
Speaker 4: It's like flying in the air, like twenty feet out.
12:21
Speaker 1: Of our heart.
12:22
Speaker 4: Yeah.
12:23
Speaker 9: And like he you know, did football and like they
12:27
Speaker 9: can definitely do apparently whatever other kid does.
12:31
Speaker 1: I will not tell George that.
12:33
Speaker 5: Sorry, George reading. Yeah, I'm like, you're going to just
12:37
Speaker 5: live with mommy frog.
12:40
Speaker 1: Like you know, when you go through that traumatic experience
12:43
Speaker 1: as a parent and you come out the other end.
12:45
Speaker 1: And we spoke before about the fact that parenting is amazing,
12:49
Speaker 1: but those amazing moments are matched with moments where it's exhausting,
12:52
Speaker 1: it's relentless. Yeah, it's so bloody hard. Do you ever
12:56
Speaker 1: get guilt where your life you're like, you.
13:00
Speaker 9: Know, I thought I might lose you, Yeah, and you're
13:03
Speaker 9: pissing me on Yeah, yeah, totally. And then and then
13:07
Speaker 9: that's even harder. Because I'm like, I'm not even allowed
13:11
Speaker 9: to have the normal experience of being pissed off at
13:13
Speaker 9: your kids. Yeah, it does feel like I was it almost.
13:18
Speaker 9: The different ways in which I feel I've been robbed emerge,
13:23
Speaker 9: like I don't even I wasn't even prepared, Like he's
13:26
Speaker 9: he's not a great sleeper, but only because we are.
13:30
Speaker 9: You know, for the first six months of his life,
13:32
Speaker 9: they said, don't let him cry too much because he
13:34
Speaker 9: might go blue and lose oxygen. And then he has
13:37
Speaker 9: his heart fixed, and they're like, yep, he's good. His
13:39
Speaker 9: heart's like fixed.
13:40
Speaker 4: You can let him scream his head off. But that's
13:43
Speaker 4: a very hard thing for us to do.
13:45
Speaker 6: We don't want to do that.
13:47
Speaker 9: So because of that, he just runs rings around us,
13:51
Speaker 9: like we just do whatever he wants, yeah, which you
13:56
Speaker 9: know probably isn't good for him. Like I know that
13:58
Speaker 9: I need to teach him to sleep, and that will
14:02
Speaker 9: require me like dealing with my own anxiety around his
14:05
Speaker 9: health for his own sake, but that's just really hard
14:09
Speaker 9: to do. And Yeah, I just feel angry sometimes that
14:13
Speaker 9: I can't even do.
14:16
Speaker 1: I can't do that, Like, how was it for you
14:21
Speaker 1: from when the waters broke to when you ended up
14:23
Speaker 1: in hospital.
14:24
Speaker 4: Wow.
14:25
Speaker 5: Okay, so around two months before so we found out
14:29
Speaker 5: least was due on the fourteenth February, and I two
14:35
Speaker 5: months before I went for an audition for the lead
14:37
Speaker 5: in international TV commercial. So we found out that lease
14:42
Speaker 5: was due with our firstborn on the fourteenth February. And
14:47
Speaker 5: two months before that, I went for an audition for
14:49
Speaker 5: the lead in an international TV commercial. And when you
14:53
Speaker 5: go for an audition, you sign a thing where it
14:55
Speaker 5: says do you have conflicts for any conflicts for the
14:59
Speaker 5: following day. It's fourth, fifth, and sixth of February, And
15:03
Speaker 5: I just thought, no, I don't, because you.
15:06
Speaker 1: Don't want to make it sound that you're difficult to
15:08
Speaker 1: work with or give any reason why you shouldn't be picked, right.
15:11
Speaker 5: For sure, But also I'm going to sound like a numpty.
15:15
Speaker 5: But I didn't think that our baby would come early. Yeah, right, yeah,
15:20
Speaker 5: And I just very genuinely it was just like just
15:24
Speaker 5: you on the fourteenth, Yeah you think that's the day? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
15:28
Speaker 5: I did in that moment. And so fourth of February
15:32
Speaker 5: rolls around. I need to be in the Eastern Suburbs,
15:35
Speaker 5: was living in the Northern Beaches. I get up at
15:38
Speaker 5: three thirty in the morning, I have to be there
15:39
Speaker 5: on set.
15:40
Speaker 4: Oh, you booked the job.
15:41
Speaker 5: I booked. Sorry, I booked the job. I booked the job,
15:44
Speaker 5: which is awesome.
15:45
Speaker 4: Graduations, you.
15:48
Speaker 5: Know, new family, young family, all that sort of stuff.
15:51
Speaker 5: It was a good earn. So I was stoked wake
15:54
Speaker 5: up at three thirty in the morning on the fourth
15:56
Speaker 5: of February to get ready to be on set. And
15:59
Speaker 5: I think I've caught a plus five or something, and
16:02
Speaker 5: Lisa's not in the bed, and she's in the bathroom
16:05
Speaker 5: with the door closed, which is within itself. And then
16:08
Speaker 5: I've gone, you're right, and she said, I think so
16:14
Speaker 5: my water's broken yet. So I opened the door, super excited.
16:21
Speaker 5: And then in the absolute moment you do not want
16:24
Speaker 5: to make it about yourself, I've gone, holy shit, I've
16:30
Speaker 5: got to go to this thing. Because I've been in
16:33
Speaker 5: the industry since I was a kid, I knew there
16:36
Speaker 5: could be legal ramifications if I don't turn up, and
16:40
Speaker 5: you know TV, that's the thing. Time is money. And
16:46
Speaker 5: it was an international thing, so all these people had
16:48
Speaker 5: come over from overseas. It was like it was a
16:50
Speaker 5: big thing. It was a massive thing. So I said
16:56
Speaker 5: to her listener this is what I'm gonna do. I'm
16:58
Speaker 5: gonna call my sister Karli. Carlie had actually helped a
17:01
Speaker 5: couple of people give birth. She's a freak of nature,
17:07
Speaker 5: not a midwife ot occupation. Seriously, she loved and I said,
17:14
Speaker 5: O call Carli. She lived ten minutes away. I'm going
17:16
Speaker 5: to get Carlie to come. She takes you to the hospital.
17:19
Speaker 5: I am not going to miss this. I'm going to
17:21
Speaker 5: go there. I have to front up. We could be
17:23
Speaker 5: in a lot of trouble if I don't talk to them.
17:26
Speaker 5: I'm going to front up, tell them what the go is.
17:29
Speaker 5: But I'm not going to miss it. I will make it.
17:30
Speaker 5: I don't know how I'm going to do it, but
17:31
Speaker 5: I'm going to do it. So my sister came, all,
17:34
Speaker 5: it's all good, it's all good.
17:35
Speaker 4: It's all good.
17:36
Speaker 5: The guilt that I had was mate to this day.
17:40
Speaker 5: I feel still feel a bit sick about it. Anyway,
17:42
Speaker 5: I'll get to set. And I spoke to the head
17:46
Speaker 5: of production and they were lived falthy, are you? Oh yeah? Oh?
17:55
Speaker 4: What can'd of wait? Just well?
17:58
Speaker 5: Because I'd sign the thing and I hadn't told them,
18:02
Speaker 5: it looked like I was calling a SWIFTYE and I
18:07
Speaker 5: absolutely wasn't. And I said, I'm so sorry, but I'm
18:12
Speaker 5: not missing the birth of my first child.
18:15
Speaker 12: Yeah.
18:17
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, TV, anyone's production, whether it be a
18:20
Speaker 5: TV commercial, it's the most important.
18:22
Speaker 4: Thing in the world, totally for them, right, And.
18:25
Speaker 5: I get that, but I couldn't do it. So I
18:28
Speaker 5: threw everything into a tailspin and they said, look, we're
18:32
Speaker 5: going to try and film well. Unfortunately, the first assistant
18:35
Speaker 5: director had his wife had just given birth to their
18:38
Speaker 5: first about three weeks before, so he was really connected
18:41
Speaker 5: and in tune with okay, and he came up to
18:43
Speaker 5: me and said, mate, I'm going to do everything I
18:45
Speaker 5: can to get you out of here. Let's film as
18:49
Speaker 5: much as we can. You stay in touch with his sister,
18:52
Speaker 5: get updates, and we'll go from there. Let's mind you.
18:55
Speaker 5: I had to speak to the camera, so I was
18:57
Speaker 5: doing monologues and a whole bit.
19:00
Speaker 1: So anyway, mine's a bit preoccupied, yes.
19:04
Speaker 5: And so I'm sitting there, I'd say, if you want
19:07
Speaker 5: to do and then and cut, and then I look
19:11
Speaker 5: at my phone, Okay, we're okay at the moment, and
19:15
Speaker 5: then in action and do it again. And I'll never
19:18
Speaker 5: forget this lighting guy. He was an older bloke, he
19:21
Speaker 5: had three kids, he knew the drill, and he goes,
19:26
Speaker 5: I'm Ben, do you know how many centimeters dilated she is?
19:31
Speaker 5: And now I shout out to one of our hospital
19:34
Speaker 5: birthday classes. I didn't listen to this, and I went,
19:40
Speaker 5: I don't know. Then my sister pings me and says,
19:43
Speaker 5: eight centimeters dilated. That's big, that's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
19:49
Speaker 5: that's we should know that. We should Well, I feel
19:54
Speaker 5: so much better having you guys say that. So then
19:58
Speaker 5: I've said eight centimeters to old me and he goes,
20:01
Speaker 5: oh shit, and.
20:05
Speaker 4: Oh is that close?
20:06
Speaker 5: Is it? He said, that's close? And then the next
20:09
Speaker 5: text was in capitals, she's coming. We knew having a
20:13
Speaker 5: little girl. So I've told set.
20:17
Speaker 1: It's an eastern suburb of Sydney to the mona Our
20:19
Speaker 1: that's that could be an hour drive.
20:21
Speaker 5: Peak out me. This is I think it was seven
20:25
Speaker 5: o'clock by this time and seven am and they've gone,
20:30
Speaker 5: go go, go, go, go go. You've got to come back,
20:32
Speaker 5: just go. So I've ran barefoot, jumped in the car
20:38
Speaker 5: and yeah, I'm not proud of this, but I did
20:39
Speaker 5: speed and I got a spending time I was spending
20:43
Speaker 5: finding the tunnel, which was later on retracted because I
20:47
Speaker 5: proved everything, which was.
20:48
Speaker 4: Quite that's pretty cool, do that.
20:51
Speaker 5: Yeah, and some people don't get away with it.
20:52
Speaker 11: That day.
20:53
Speaker 5: I've got someone that was so maybe they had the
20:55
Speaker 5: same thing happened to them, but they were lovely, so
20:58
Speaker 5: thank you. Yeah. So, and I try. I'm on Pittwater
21:06
Speaker 5: Road and my sister's going hurry up, hurry up, and
21:11
Speaker 5: a police I was in the right lane and a
21:13
Speaker 5: police officer was in the bus lane pulled over and
21:17
Speaker 5: I'm trying to flag them. I'm beeping at them. He's
21:20
Speaker 5: looking at something on his monitor in the middle of
21:22
Speaker 5: the car and the one time I want to copy
21:25
Speaker 5: a look and he did not flinch. Was I was
21:29
Speaker 5: beeping it because I'm thinking escorting, so doesn't flinch. So
21:35
Speaker 5: I'm in and in and out of car.
21:37
Speaker 2: It's like one of the worst roads to be and
21:40
Speaker 2: the potholes on that road ridiculous.
21:44
Speaker 5: And so I'm using the bus lane doing everything I can.
21:47
Speaker 5: I get to turn right into mine of our hospital,
21:50
Speaker 5: and I'm beeping, flashing lights at the red light and
21:54
Speaker 5: going I'm going I'm going complete melodramatic. I want to
22:00
Speaker 5: be actor. So I've done it. I've gone the red
22:05
Speaker 5: of ran in no shoes on making a complete scene.
22:13
Speaker 5: Unbeknownst to me, my sister, my beautiful wife Lisa, and
22:17
Speaker 5: the lovely lady mid the midwife were in the zone.
22:21
Speaker 5: They were in a zen like state, and I run
22:24
Speaker 5: in and go there and they were not that pleased.
22:31
Speaker 5: A midwife thought I was a jerk because why had
22:33
Speaker 5: I missed the first couple of hours? I think anyway,
22:37
Speaker 5: she the midwife goes slow down and Lisa and I
22:41
Speaker 5: both looked at her and went, who are you talking to?
22:45
Speaker 5: And she pointed square it means that you and I
22:48
Speaker 5: went so held a hand, did the thing. Three pushes,
22:53
Speaker 5: and little Zara Tate was born.
22:57
Speaker 1: With Teddy. Obviously you want to try and like he said,
23:00
Speaker 1: be upbeat and be like, no, I'm going to beat this.
23:04
Speaker 1: This is not going to get me. But they're like,
23:08
Speaker 1: at what time do you start planning about not being
23:13
Speaker 1: around for Teddy?
23:15
Speaker 11: Yeah, it's it's a tough one. Things definitely change when
23:21
Speaker 11: you're a parent. Yeah, that's thinking about this. Last night
23:29
Speaker 11: I gave him a bath. It's the first time I've
23:32
Speaker 11: actually really thought about this, and I haven't his amber yet,
23:38
Speaker 11: but giving him my bath last night and he was
23:41
Speaker 11: just really happy and smiling at me, and he doesn't
23:44
Speaker 11: know what's going on. And then going into this major surgery,
23:47
Speaker 11: I think, ship, how you know, things don't work out
23:52
Speaker 11: or my health doesn't go to plan the next six months,
23:54
Speaker 11: plus how's AMBA going to raise him? And how I'm
23:58
Speaker 11: not going to be there for him. And it was
23:59
Speaker 11: the first time I had these thoughts last night. It's
24:02
Speaker 11: a really tough one. But the thing is he doesn't
24:04
Speaker 11: know what's going on, and I think in a way
24:06
Speaker 11: that makes it easier because he doesn't know that Dad's
24:09
Speaker 11: sick or Dad's not feeling well. He just wants Dad
24:11
Speaker 11: to give him a bath and read him a book.
24:13
Speaker 11: And I think that joy is a good distraction. But
24:18
Speaker 11: it's something that until very recently, I haven't really thought about.
24:21
Speaker 11: And it's not till you have a kid. Your whole
24:24
Speaker 11: everything changes perspective. There's more to life than you. And
24:29
Speaker 11: for me, it just I guess in a way, it
24:31
Speaker 11: gives me the ultimate motivation to get through it, to
24:34
Speaker 11: be there for him to recover as best as I can.
24:38
Speaker 11: You know, even the decision of having this big stereoa
24:40
Speaker 11: is a major decision. But I thought, you know what,
24:42
Speaker 11: I'm bloody good at changing his nappies. I see a
24:45
Speaker 11: change another one. You know. One thing that doesn't where
24:47
Speaker 11: you're worrying me is poo, So you know, I thought,
24:49
Speaker 11: you know what, it's just a bit of a life adjustment.
24:52
Speaker 11: It's another major surgery. Yes, there are other unknowns. I've
24:55
Speaker 11: got such a small bow now, but there's only so
24:57
Speaker 11: much bow you can.
24:58
Speaker 4: Live with, So there's always those risks.
24:59
Speaker 11: If I keep having bow obstructions or keep going back
25:02
Speaker 11: here and they have to take more about there will
25:04
Speaker 11: come a time where it's, like Jesus, you can only
25:06
Speaker 11: live with so much boo.
25:07
Speaker 1: So they're things that I just.
25:09
Speaker 11: Have to constantly think about. And being the father's been
25:13
Speaker 11: the greatest thing I've ever experienced. And he does so
25:15
Speaker 11: much for me at such a young age, and he's
25:18
Speaker 11: so small, but he gives me a boost that I can.
25:21
Speaker 1: Never get from anything else.
25:23
Speaker 10: There's something kids can give you that you can't get
25:25
Speaker 10: from anything else exactly.
25:27
Speaker 4: And it's crazy to think that you know at some
25:32
Speaker 4: point over the whether.
25:33
Speaker 10: It's the little while that he's been alive that you've
25:36
Speaker 10: had to have those thoughts of this kid could potentially
25:38
Speaker 10: grow up without me, and I think about that with
25:40
Speaker 10: my son, and I'm like, I couldn't imagine Oscar having
25:43
Speaker 10: to go through this life without me. So it's incredible
25:47
Speaker 10: that you can put, you know, bring yourself here and
25:51
Speaker 10: sit with us and spread such a positive message about
25:54
Speaker 10: early detection and everything like that.
25:56
Speaker 4: So I just wanted to commend you.
25:58
Speaker 6: No, look, I told you.
26:02
Speaker 11: I knew you would get me too, And look, that's okay.
26:04
Speaker 11: You know, I used to apologize like the natural thing
26:08
Speaker 11: when I used to cry, when during talks when I
26:11
Speaker 11: often talk about Teddy or what am has done for me,
26:13
Speaker 11: that'd be the real triggers. I used to get quite emotional,
26:15
Speaker 11: and you know, the default was sorry. But then I
26:19
Speaker 11: now kind of just embrace that I never apologized for
26:22
Speaker 11: crime because it's obviously it means so much to me.
26:25
Speaker 11: And I think it's important that guys realize it's okay
26:27
Speaker 11: to have a cry and be vulnerable and you give
26:30
Speaker 11: your dad a hug, give you made a hug, And
26:32
Speaker 11: that's the sort of the role model on a bee
26:33
Speaker 11: for Teddy.
26:34
Speaker 4: Is there anywhere along that process where you had the
26:38
Speaker 4: feeling of this is not going to happen. One time,
26:43
Speaker 4: it was really hard.
26:44
Speaker 12: We were away and we got matched with as Surreygate
26:48
Speaker 12: and we were like, oh my god, it's going to happen.
26:52
Speaker 12: And we had the transfer date of when they were
26:54
Speaker 12: going to the fertility clinic, and to match with one
26:57
Speaker 12: you meant a lotbody emotionally saying I'm going to bring
27:02
Speaker 12: your dreams to life, and you know the reality we're
27:05
Speaker 12: like four years in I think it was, and then
27:09
Speaker 12: we get a call from the surrogac agency the day
27:11
Speaker 12: of transfer and we're waiting to hear like, you know,
27:14
Speaker 12: the transfer embryo transfer transfer went really well, and we
27:18
Speaker 12: got told I hang on the surrogate actually can't actually
27:21
Speaker 12: be your surrogate anymore. And we were like, what the fuck,
27:23
Speaker 12: what do you mean, what's happened? They said, we just
27:25
Speaker 12: found out the doctor whilst doing the transfer overheard her
27:31
Speaker 12: in conversation say that she was on a medication, which
27:35
Speaker 12: actually she didn't disclose to us, which it goes against
27:38
Speaker 12: you being able to be a surrogate. And we were like,
27:41
Speaker 12: oh my god. They went so back to the drawing
27:42
Speaker 12: board and I hung up on us and we were
27:45
Speaker 12: like far out my god.
27:47
Speaker 5: Yeah.
27:47
Speaker 4: So that really during the process.
27:49
Speaker 12: That was when we were like, this took forever to
27:51
Speaker 12: get here, and then it just disappeared like that.
27:54
Speaker 4: Can you describe that feeling you felt in that moment.
27:57
Speaker 4: I looked at Marcus.
27:57
Speaker 1: I can remember it.
27:58
Speaker 12: We're in BALI. I looked at Mark and he was like,
28:02
Speaker 12: you could tell her. He was like, well, I don't
28:03
Speaker 12: know what to do now, and I knew exactly what
28:07
Speaker 12: I could do, and that was put a fucking email
28:09
Speaker 12: together and tear these motherfuckers to pieces, right, especially because
28:14
Speaker 12: when there was a lot of contracts throughout the process.
28:19
Speaker 12: But at the end of the day, I made it
28:21
Speaker 12: clear to them that you're working with people that are
28:23
Speaker 12: really vulnerable and actually you kind of have to do
28:27
Speaker 12: your due diligence and this lies on you like you've
28:30
Speaker 12: taken us so far down a road and then you've
28:32
Speaker 12: just pulled it away from us and you've just said, oh, well,
28:34
Speaker 12: it happens back to the drawing board. And so the
28:37
Speaker 12: sensitivity around it, you know, I'm pretty optimistic. I knew
28:41
Speaker 12: we had. I took it as a bit of a
28:42
Speaker 12: sign that, hang on, there was something wrong there, like
28:47
Speaker 12: that maybe it was a positive and a good thing
28:49
Speaker 12: but I saw my husband kind of go, oh my god,
28:52
Speaker 12: how much longer can we just keep doing this?
28:55
Speaker 4: Yeah?
28:56
Speaker 1: So then how was it when that took place to
28:58
Speaker 1: when you were able to lock in the surrogate that
29:01
Speaker 1: gave you the twins?
29:02
Speaker 12: Amber came along? I would say eight nine months later.
29:07
Speaker 12: Still a long time, and you know, we've got we
29:11
Speaker 12: had something like, I've got thirty great ambryos sitting waiting
29:17
Speaker 12: to go right like which is which is a wild number?
29:20
Speaker 12: And we got Amber and she.
29:24
Speaker 1: Just sorry, you have your surrogate.
29:27
Speaker 5: She's getting the surrogate.
29:29
Speaker 4: Is not the egg donor.
29:30
Speaker 12: Yeah, we've had an egg donor who we've got. We
29:35
Speaker 12: were able to get forty one eggs from Wow split
29:37
Speaker 12: down the middle of twenty was fertilized with Marcus's SPM
29:40
Speaker 12: twenty one fertilized with mine, and then they grow them
29:44
Speaker 12: to day five. And then in America they tell you
29:47
Speaker 12: if it's a great A B or C or something,
29:49
Speaker 12: and B or C they do up to three thousand
29:52
Speaker 12: something like a genetic disorder testing, and they destroy any
29:57
Speaker 12: that are a level C is like won't let they say,
30:01
Speaker 12: pretty much won't lead to any you know, problems with
30:04
Speaker 12: shoes or miscarriages or whatever, and and so we ended
30:07
Speaker 12: up I think it's like nineteen grade a embryos. Wow,
30:10
Speaker 12: she's like good number of fucking basketball team, like totally
30:14
Speaker 12: unheard of. So like we got forty one eggs and
30:18
Speaker 12: the standard is five to six eggs.
30:21
Speaker 4: Wow, yeah, you like triple that? Yeah, she fucking super human?
30:25
Speaker 12: Our aig donut and there are you And I don't
30:31
Speaker 12: know if you guys have spoken to her like a
30:33
Speaker 12: fertility clinic before that spell.
30:35
Speaker 4: I kind of want to quickly take it to my
30:36
Speaker 4: own serm.
30:38
Speaker 5: If I'm like taking all.
30:41
Speaker 4: We go to an IVF clinic?
30:43
Speaker 12: Here to do?
30:45
Speaker 4: I don't know. The cum dump.
30:47
Speaker 12: Literally literally just like wank into a jazy here's what
30:52
Speaker 12: you've seen in the movies.
30:53
Speaker 4: Right.
30:53
Speaker 8: They even gave a straight porn that I had to
30:55
Speaker 8: walk out.
30:55
Speaker 4: I was like, really, what's.
31:02
Speaker 7: It?
31:02
Speaker 5: Really?
31:02
Speaker 4: Looked at my phone?
31:03
Speaker 12: Right, And the fascinating thing is you can't use lube
31:08
Speaker 12: because it can contaminate.
31:10
Speaker 5: I just saw the don.
31:13
Speaker 4: And then this lady.
31:15
Speaker 12: We were like, you know, we were a bit worried,
31:17
Speaker 12: you know what if and she was with something like
31:20
Speaker 12: a character out of a movie, like imagine a like
31:22
Speaker 12: sixty five year old lady sitting behind a counter in
31:25
Speaker 12: a medical like, you know center, with a drry in
31:27
Speaker 12: her mouth.
31:28
Speaker 4: She didn't have one, but it was a classic receptionist.
31:31
Speaker 13: And she's saying, all you guys are the same. Let
31:34
Speaker 13: me tell you this, she said, I've been working in
31:36
Speaker 13: fertility for over twenty years. Eggs women, they are so
31:41
Speaker 13: fragile and perfect. She said, When you put any man's
31:46
Speaker 13: sperm under a microscope and look at it, it's that
31:49
Speaker 13: dumber always fucking swims again to.
31:52
Speaker 4: The side of the glass of the peintree dish. Right,
31:54
Speaker 4: She's like, it's all the same.
31:56
Speaker 8: Trust that you'll be fine picturing the person from it.
32:09
Speaker 12: So, yeah, we're apparently our sperm's perfect, all of us.
32:11
Speaker 12: All of us, guys, we rarely have problems.
32:14
Speaker 1: Congratulations. Actually, I was like, I bet you he's been
32:17
Speaker 1: naughty before, and I bet it was not great sperm. Yeah,
32:19
Speaker 1: I thought that I was picking up on it.
32:23
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review, subscribe,
32:27
Speaker 2: send to a friend. Well, even though we are on.
32:29
Speaker 4: Holidays, we'll still be able to tell whether you did
32:31
Speaker 4: or not.
32:32
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if you don't. Actually, that's like a Christmas present.
32:35
Speaker 1: For us. They don't buy us anything.
32:37
Speaker 4: No, I still want you to buy me something to cash?
32:39
Speaker 1: Would like, what do you need?
32:40
Speaker 6: What do you have to.
32:42
Speaker 3: Do?
32:42
Speaker 5: Everyone?
32:44
Speaker 4: No, naturally smell good.
32:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's your natural pheromones. Peromones?
32:48
Speaker 11: What do we thought?
32:49
Speaker 6: The men?
32:50
Speaker 1: Anyway, just just make these quick So if you've enjoyed it,
32:54
Speaker 1: please give us a review or follow us on socials,
32:57
Speaker 1: the Two Dutting Dads on Instagram, TikTok, and the Facebook
33:00
Speaker 1: group Back to the pool. Yes, yes, actually we've got
33:03
Speaker 1: a flight to North Korea. Oh yes, so we better
33:08
Speaker 1: not be lated to the airport.
33:08
Speaker 4: Bet and I we'll get in big trouble Buggers.
33:17
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
33:21
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
33:25
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
33:28
Speaker 2: and extend that respect.
33:29
Speaker 4: To all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander peoples today. This episode
33:33
Speaker 4: was recorded on gadagal Land