Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / January 8, 2019 | Expresso - Kris Chanay

Transcript

January 8, 2019 | Expresso - Kris Chanay · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is Kristen Chaney, and this testimonial is being re-recorded due to technical difficulties.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: In thinking about my faith journey for tonight's testimonial, I would describe it as a work in progress.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: During periods of my life, I've been very close to God and have been a faithful servant.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: At other times, I was far away from God and searching for his guidance in my life.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Even today, I find I often fall short of where I want to be in my relationship with Christ and struggle to do better.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thus, with each passing year, the journey continues.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: But as Julie Andrews saying in The Sound of Music, let's start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: So here is my story from the beginning.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was born Kristen Sue Anderson on December 7, 1962, in McPherson, Kansas, to Eskel and June Anderson.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was their third child joining Sister Jane and brother Jerry.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: My parents met at Bethany College in Lindsburg, both from good Swedish stock, and it was apparently quite scandalous at the time that my father, who was Swedish Lutheran, was marrying a Methodist.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank goodness, some things have changed.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: We moved to Salina when I was six months old, and my dad took a job as president of Brown Mackey Business College.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: We live near Kansas Westland University and on Sunday mornings walked to worship services at the University United Methodist Church.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Reverend Richard Wilkie was our beloved pastor.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You may know his son, Reverend Paul Wilkie, who is pastor at Countryside United Methodist here in Topeka.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: We were active in church where my parents taught Sunday school and helped lead the youth group.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: My father then took over as president of Salt City Business College in Hutchinson.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: We moved there when I was in fourth grade and attended Trinity United Methodist Church, where Reverend Paul Matau was our minister.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I really, really loved his sermons, so much so that I recall spending long afternoons in my bedroom writing prayers and sermons in my free time.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now this was at the age of 11, 12 years old, so evidently our pastors had made a big impression on me.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Life was good in the Anderson family for the most part, but of course, every family has its trials behind closed doors.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: My mother had always suffered from a variety of health issues and also battled depression.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: She had experienced personal heartache decades earlier when all three of her brothers left the family farm in Lindsborg to fight in World War II.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: They all became bomber pilots, and my mother's oldest and favorite brother, Royal Coons Jr., lost his life when his plane went down on Christmas Eve.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Her older brother, Paul, suffered life-changing injuries and was never the same after the war.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Then she lost her father to a heart attack and mother to Alzheimer's disease, and the big white house on the farm where she'd been raised burned down in a gas explosion.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: These personal losses and other life issues contributed to a slow decline in my mother's happiness and well-being, and by the time I entered middle school, my mother was spending hours and even days in bed.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: When she did emerge, she was often groggy and definitely not herself.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: This, of course, frustrated and confused me.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided to take matters into my own hands and snuck into her room to investigate her medicine cabinet.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Took some of the vials of prescription medication next door to my best friend's house.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Her father was a doctor, and I asked him if he could tell me what was happening with my mom.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: He said that the painkillers she was taking were in such a high dose that if she continued on that path, she would be dead within the year.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: An intervention by that neighbor got her back on the right track for a while, but things were never really the same the rest of her life.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: She was moody, critical, unhappy, unreliable, and really unable to be a mother to me, her youngest child.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: By that time, my siblings were both out of the house and I was the only one left at home.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I still loved my mother and spent most of my life trying to please her and to fix her.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: My coping skills in my youth were to be as helpful and good as possible, to make life easier for my father.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: As a result, my dad and I became very close.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: After all, we spent a lot of time together doing all the cooking and cleaning, mowing the lawn and doing the laundry.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was the one I turned to for advice and comfort.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: In those days, you didn't really talk about things like this and certainly didn't want anyone outside of the home to know about it.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I just tried to stay really busy and away from home as much as possible.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: In high school, I joined every extracurricular activity available and got great grades.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Upon graduation, I received multiple honors and went off to the University of Kansas with ample scholarships.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: During this time, I remained faithful in my prayer life and attended church, but I began to act out in my personal life.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I dated lots of young men, seeking admiration, love, and approval from the opposite sex.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: While at KU, I majored in journalism and was a good student.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: One of the best things that happened to me in college was joining a sorority.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: That home away from home provided a loving, supportive environment, and it was there that I learned to trust women and to treasure their friendships.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Several close sorority sisters were Christians who served as role models in my faith walk, and we remain good friends today.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: After KU, I got a job as a news reporter for a TV station in Topeka.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: I loved my job, but in those days, if there was a murder at 2 a.m.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: and you were the reporter on call, you had to lug the 60-plus pound camera, usually in the pouring rain or snow, across town in your own car and interview the neighbors and police with the camera on one shoulder while holding a microphone in your other hand and sticking it in the person's face.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get paid much and worked long hours, and I knew that in order to move up in the TV business, I would have to move around a lot, and I didn't want to do that.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: What I really wanted to do was work at a university.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I headed back to KU to get my master's degree in higher education administration.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: During that time, I worked three jobs, went to school, and still managed to date a lot of men.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: One boyfriend in particular was very charming and good looking, but turned out to be verbally and physically abusive.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: After that relationship ended, I developed an eating disorder and literally starved myself as punishment for not being good enough and not being lovable.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: During all of this, I was still attending church and I even taught Sunday school.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Clearly, I was leading a double life in terms of my faith and my personal conduct.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was seeking validation in all the wrong places.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew deep down inside of myself that this was not who I was.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: The enemy was working on me, but I knew in my heart that I was made for more and that God would lead me there if only I would let him.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: After graduating with my master's degree, I started work as assistant director of admissions.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: My job was to recruit national merit scholars to KU.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: One night, after a long Saturday hosting students on campus, I ran into some friends in downtown Lawrence.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: These were guys I'd known from my reporting days in Topeka.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: A really cute, smart, funny guy named Jeff Cheney was with them and we talked.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: We had known each other through mutual friends when I lived in Topeka but had both been dating other people.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now we were both single and free to pursue a relationship with each other, which we did, and six months later we were engaged.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: And six months after that we were married.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Meeting Jeff was a turning point in my life because he gave me the stability that I needed, and I truly believe that God sent him to me at the moment I needed him the most.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff is an attorney and is Chief Deputy Attorney General for the state of Kansas.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: We've been married 29 years, and our love for each other has grown more and more with each passing year.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: We've weathered many storms together, but our faith in God has led us through the darkest times and has brought us much joy as well.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Together we raised two wonderful sons, Tyler, who's 27 years old, and Alex, who's now 24.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Tyler's married to Amber and they have two daughters who are the light of our lives.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Ava is five and in kindergarten, and Amelia will be one year old in March.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Life is so good, and I am extremely grateful.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to go back to finish the story of my mother.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry, it has a bit of a happy ending.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: In 20 or 2001, my father, who had been battling cancer for about 15 years, told me he was finally succumbing to the disease and did not expect to live much longer.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: My parents had moved to Des Moines, Iowa, where my brother lives, so Dad could be nearer the Mayo Clinic where he was receiving treatments.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now he said they'd like to move to Topeka so that when he died I could look after my mother.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: He said, I know you and your mother haven't always gotten along the best and she can be tough on you, but would you be willing to take this on?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: It would give me peace of mind to know that she will be taken care of after I'm gone.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because I loved my dad more than anything and I knew it was the right thing to do, I said, yes, of course.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about it, Dad.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to do that.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: So my parents moved to an apartment at Aldersgate Village in December of 2001, and my father passed away a month later.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: For the next 14 and a half years, I took care of my mother.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Even though she lived in a nursing home, her health issues required frequent doctors' visits, and her dementia required me to be her advocate and her voice.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: During a 10-year period, she had a total of nine different surgeries.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: That meant moving her in and out of her room dozens of times to avoid paying double rent and staying long hours in the hospital, and taking her to follow-up appointments and pre-op appointments, and staying vigilant about medications and insurance and paying the bills.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: All this while raising my own children, working part-time, volunteering, and trying to lead a normal, happy life.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it wasn't all bad all the time.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: There were good moments in there too.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: At times, my mother could be loving and charming and funny.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And while my boys were little, she spent time with them and was a caring grandmother.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: However, despite my efforts to be a good daughter, she remained critical of me and frequently made me feel like I wasn't doing enough.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: During this time in my life, I prayed constantly, expressing my frustrations and begging God for an end to this period of servitude.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It seemed like there was no light at the end of this very dark tunnel in which I'd been traveling for more than a decade.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yet I remained a good daughter who never shirked her obligations, always remembering my promise to my earthly father.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And, miracle of miracles, in the end, my heavenly father gave me the most wonderful gift.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: In the final two years of my mother's life, her dementia progressed to a different level, and somehow with it came the most loving, kind, and caring mother I have ever known.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: When I came to see her, she would tell me how beautiful I was and how she hoped I wasn't taking too much time away from my own family to be there.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: In those final months, mom and I would sit and hold hands and sing the old hymns she loved and remembered.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: She would gaze up at me with love in her eyes, and I would rub her feet and read the newspaper to her, and we'd watch Lawrence Welk show and go on little walks up and down the halls of the nursing home, just loving on each other and relishing our precious time together.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: This was God's gift to me for being there, for not giving up, for not walking out, and for fulfilling my promise to my dad.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I will be forever grateful and humbled by God's grace and forgiveness.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if there is a mountain that you are climbing, I encourage you to continue to turn to God, to be honest in your prayers, sharing your frustrations and doubts and even your anger with Him.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: He knows you and what is in your heart.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: God wants to hear from you and to be your confidant.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: The fog may never lift for you, but you will have a constant companion, and through your prayers you will find healing and possibly relief from that which binds you.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm a middle-aged woman, I'm closer to God than I have ever been.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yet I know there is much more work to do in my walk with Christ.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've been baptized twice in my life, once as a baby in the Methodist Church and later as an adult in the First Baptist Church.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: But I would say that it's been in the past four years since we've been attending Topeka Bible Church that my faith has grown the most.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: What I know now in my wise old age, I'd like to share with you.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you guys remember when David Letterman had his late night show and it was still funny and he wasn't super grumpy yet?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he had his top ten list every night, and this is my version of that.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I call this my top ten list of the best things about being a believer.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or for me, since I've been a believer most of my life, the best things about my new life in Christ.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, I no longer have FOMO.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: FOMO is fear of missing out.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't have FOMO anymore.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: I used to feel left out or disappointed if I wasn't included or invited to something.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm content to be alone and in conversation with God or spending time in fellowship with my family.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: My life is full and I'm grateful.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, I no longer feel the need to compete.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy with who I am.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you run a marathon, I promise I will come and cheer you on.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'll even make a big sign that says, go, go, win, win, or whatever.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I won't feel inadequate or like I need to start training to run a race just to keep up with you.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know myself and my abilities and limits.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And best of all, God knows me and the plans he has for me.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, I don't need to keep up with the Joneses, or today I guess it would be like the Kardashians.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Material possessions are not a big deal to me anymore.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to have less and do more.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I wish to use the gifts I've been given to effect positive change.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, I have less anxiety.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Philippians 4 6 says, worry about nothing, pray about everything.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be a big worry wart.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I still do worry sometimes, but I know that God is in control, and whatever the outcome, my faith in God will carry me through the hard times.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Giving it all up to God has freed me from the prison of worry and enabled me to trust that God has my back.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Number five, I don't care what other people think about me.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, nothing personal, but I don't really need your approval of me.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds kind of harsh, but for a person who has spent her life trying to please everyone, this is huge, and what a relief.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know that the only one I need to please is my Heavenly Father, and only He will not abandon or disappoint me, and only He will love me unconditionally, and only He will forgive my sins and make me brand new.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I am no longer a people pleaser.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now I try to be a God pleaser.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Number six, I want to spend time with spiritual people.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love going to church, love singing in the choir, I love attending Bible studies and listening to testimonials.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Being in the Word with believers is humbling, but I am starved for knowledge and ready to learn.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: This past year I attended the chronological Bible study taught by Patty Delaberto, and I learned more than I have in a lifetime of studies.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: When Patty offers this class again in a year, I urge you to do it.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: It may seem overwhelming to commit to a year-long weekly study, but trust me, you will not want to miss a class once you start.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Patty is a true gem and a treasure to me and all who know her.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: There are many other strong and faithful women here at TBC who have been encouragers of me and my walk back of faith.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the women in intentional moms and if gatherings and my small group and the chronological Bible study.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just blessed to know all of them.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Number seven, I'm no longer a perfectionist.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: For years I tried to create the perfect image of myself and my family.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm way over that now.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: What you see is what you get.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Take me or leave me.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that it is only through honesty and sharing that we can help each other and learn from one another.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and by the way, there's no such thing as perfect.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number eight, no need for trophies or accolades.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I have a wonderful collection of plaques and trophies from various organizations at home.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And where are they?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: In boxes in my basement storage room.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need them anymore.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying we shouldn't do good works.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: As Christians, we should do what God calls us to do, but for the right reasons.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know that as God's daughter, I am enough, and I don't need a plaque or certificate to prove myself worth.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Number nine, I feel joyful.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: True happiness comes from our relationship with God, not from any earthly gift or thing or person, but only from the love of our Heavenly Father.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, number 10, I know I am a work in progress, and I'm okay with that.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: God is looking out for me and working through me.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: He continues to show me where I should go and to nudge me towards the people and activities that will enlighten me.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: I am his child and he loves me just as I am.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for hearing my story, for your encouragement, and for sharing this journey with me.