Latest / The Shift Podcast / 151. Jim’s Journey To His Future Self

Transcript

151. Jim’s Journey To His Future Self · The Shift Podcast

0:00
Welcome to The Shift podcast where you get to hear life
0:02
coaching tools that will help you make small or big shifts in
0:05
your life, feel better doing it, and learn to create the life you
0:08
love with confidence. You will also get to hear
0:10
interviews with some of my clients who've utilized life
0:12
coaching to help them manage their mind and create really big
0:15
things for themselves. Come find out how you can be
0:17
intentional about your thinking, feel better everyday and create
0:20
anything you want in life and come join us inside The Shift.
0:29
OK, really excited because the interview today is going to be
0:33
with Jim, one of my one-on-one clients and also he is joining
0:39
us inside the ship. So this is going to be the first
0:41
interview with someone who just joined my new program.
0:44
So, Jim, let me have you introduce yourself to everybody
0:47
first. Hi, Janessa.
0:49
Yeah, great to be here and thanks for for inviting me on.
0:51
So, you know, we go back a long ways.
0:54
You know, probably I know four or five years.
0:57
I grew up in the UK. I had a sort of very traditional
1:02
middle class upbringing there. I worked in IT originally.
1:07
I worked for Marks and Spencer, a great British company.
1:10
And then I came over to the US in the 90s to, to work just for
1:15
a few weeks on a project for a different company.
1:18
I ended up staying, moved. I actually came to New York,
1:21
loved New York, fantastic city and I, I landed there.
1:25
Then I went to Chicago, went to Business School there a few
1:28
years later, then back to New York, changed jobs a few times,
1:33
and then I ended up being an EMT part time in a per diem in 2019.
1:40
Actually, I had sort of, I needed to scratch an itch
1:43
because I'd never been a doctor when I was, you know, I didn't
1:46
go to school to be a doctor, but I'd always had that itch.
1:49
So I went and did time as an EMT.
1:53
Great experience for a couple of years that was really formative
1:57
for just a lot of things for me in New York.
2:00
And then after that, after COVID or got through COVID as an EMT,
2:05
then pivoted again, went back to business and now I'm going
2:09
through another pivot sort of not a big one, but a tweak in
2:12
business. I'm I'm leaning a lot more into
2:15
AI as a lot of people are. So, you know, in business, we're
2:19
all trying to figure out how to reinvent ourselves.
2:21
And you know, we, we, we've been through the program together.
2:25
I've, I've been sort of riding shotgun through a lot of stuff
2:28
with you and it's, it's been a great experience.
2:30
I'm sort of really glad glad to be here.
2:33
Let me ask you because I think I have even forgotten too, like
2:36
what initially drew you to wanting to do life coaching with
2:41
me? And also, I know you had
2:44
experience with some coaching before business coaching, but
2:48
what initially drew you to it and what has been kind of the
2:52
thing that you've gotten out of it in our time together?
2:58
Yeah, so actually the I was drawn in because to your point,
3:03
I've done some business coaching before, really sort of helping
3:05
me navigate some of the, you know, this, the some of the
3:09
challenges and opportunities in business.
3:11
But as an EMTI, again, I had a an itch to scratch.
3:16
I thought about being a paramedic.
3:18
So I looked into being a paramedic and I stumbled on you
3:22
when I was looking at paramedic training and paramedic programs.
3:25
Yeah. So I I'd sort of, well, you
3:27
know, if I'm going to give this a shot, I need to take a big
3:30
swing and let me go talk to someone who's a professional in
3:32
this space. And the flight stuff was, I
3:36
wasn't necessarily looking to get into flight.
3:38
That wasn't really my ambition. It was more get from EMT into
3:42
paramedic and as we started working together, I, yeah, I, I
3:48
sort of bounced around a bit on that paramedic dream.
3:51
And then I think honestly, I just, I just thought more about
3:56
where do I, where do I want to have the most impact that I can?
4:00
And that's when I ended up sort of sticking to business, but
4:04
tweak, you know, sort of pivoting around business.
4:06
And a lot of the principles that you built in the flight program
4:12
and even from my experience in EMT, so many of those learnings
4:16
just apply in in quote real life that you know it.
4:21
For me, it's a natural thing to do to carry on working with you.
4:24
So I think it was definitely building on some of the, you
4:28
know, your flight training and then my EMT training.
4:31
That's that's what we have the common thread and I think I
4:33
pulled that thread into other stuff, you know?
4:35
Yeah. One thing that was coming up for
4:37
me that I really was interested in asking you about and your
4:41
point of view on that I think would be really helpful is one
4:46
thing that I've really noticed with working with you is 1.
4:53
You just being able to want to let go of old stories.
4:58
And I know that it hasn't always been easy and you've met some
5:01
resistance to it, but how has that been for you?
5:06
Can you explain like that process for you?
5:09
Because I think a lot of us naturally want to hold on to
5:13
some of these stories because they feel natural and they feel
5:17
like they're a part of our our identity.
5:19
But with you, we've really worked on letting go of old
5:22
stories, and I see a total transformation in our time
5:27
together of you being able to drop the resistance and do that.
5:32
Yeah, I think, you know, the past in some ways is always very
5:36
safe. It's safe to hold on to the
5:38
past. And I think it's always easy to
5:41
look at the pass through rose colored spectacles because we do
5:45
forget the, you know, the trials and tribulations, the
5:49
aggravation of things we went through as we sort of look back.
5:54
But but it's easy to hang on to that.
5:56
So I think where I got to working with you, particularly
6:01
the last 6 to 12 months is I just realized that that, you
6:07
know, you only really have, you've got one mind.
6:09
You've only, you can only really do one thing or the other, which
6:12
is either to literally look backwards or look forwards.
6:14
I think this flip flopping, you know, when I started with you, I
6:17
was definitely bouncing around. Shall I do this?
6:19
Shall I do that? And I, I, you know, I have some
6:23
ADHD, so I tend to bounce around a lot in my head anyway and
6:26
spend a lot of time in my head. I think what I've managed to do
6:30
is to just be a lot more forward-looking and let
6:36
literally like let go of the past.
6:38
Not in any negative sense, but in the sense of just put that
6:42
energy into thinking about and working on where I want to go
6:47
next in life. And also realizing that, you
6:52
know, the future is, it's out there for, for me to go capture
6:57
and build, you know, whether I've got a day here or 510 years
7:01
or 20, whatever, how many, how much time we have here.
7:04
It's, it's down to me to really lean in and make, make the most
7:08
out of future. Because, you know, I, I do have
7:10
a lot of gratitude for my life, have a lot of gratitude for
7:13
things I have and experiences. So lean in and just keep moving
7:17
forward. Yeah, I think like people
7:19
listening are probably like, oh, yeah, that sounds great.
7:22
But like, how did you do that? And I know that you said this is
7:25
like 6 to 12 months and I've been with you, like working on
7:27
it. But if you could explain to
7:29
people how did you let your brain drop the resistance of
7:33
keep going like living in the good old days of the past and
7:36
then get to wait enjoying where where you are right now.
7:40
But also like, this is where I want to go and this is what I
7:44
want to do. And like dreaming about that and
7:46
giving yourself permission for that.
7:50
I think I don't know. You know, there's a quote about,
7:52
you know, I think it's a Mike Tyson quote where you, you know,
7:55
if you stand up, you get punched in the mouth.
7:56
I think once you've been punched in the mouth enough times and
7:58
you keep looking back and it doesn't work for you, you
8:02
realise that maybe it is actually a good idea just to
8:06
stay in the present and look forward.
8:08
And I think I had enough of those sort of backward looking
8:14
experiences to say, I've tried, you know, being in the present
8:18
and then looking forward. And I'm like, the forward is
8:21
just a better, you know, looking forward is just a better place
8:23
to be. So it really is doing the reps
8:27
on working through these situations.
8:29
And I think also, as I think about it, like particularly
8:33
drawing on the EMT side of things, because I'm, you know, a
8:36
lot of your audience are on sleep in in the medical side, is
8:40
it's like once you once you dive into something, it's like you've
8:46
got to give it your all to get the most out of the experience
8:49
in the moment to then move forward instead of wasting or,
8:54
or, or wasting that energy on, on hanging on to the past, you
8:57
know what I mean? So, so that letting go really
9:01
frees you up to really digging deep for today and in the
9:06
future. And I think I think that's
9:08
actually very important. I have done that it like when I
9:10
went to Business School. I, you know, you talk about it
9:14
recently actually, which is this idea of, you know, burn the
9:17
bridges. You have to sort of burn the
9:19
boats. Sorry, you got to burn the
9:20
boats. And if you, if you can burn the
9:22
boats, it can be a, it can be a really solid experience.
9:28
When I'm at a Business School, I, I got into school, but I went
9:32
to school. I had no funding.
9:33
I had no money. So I just turned up and I'm
9:35
like, well, I'll figure it out. And I could have, you know, I
9:39
could have sat in New York and said, well, I've got this, you
9:41
know, nice job. And maybe I'll go part time and
9:44
I'll just go duh, duh, duh. And I'll, I'll defer.
9:46
And no, I went and honestly, it didn't, that didn't become that
9:53
problem just got smaller because I was focused on getting into,
9:56
into the school, you know, experience and moving forward.
10:00
So I think what I've just learned is you want to really
10:07
dip into that bigger experience today in the future.
10:10
And you have to do that. You've got to let, you've got to
10:11
let stuff go. You've got to just leave it
10:13
behind. Well, I think in particular,
10:16
which is really interesting for you too, is that you're it
10:19
wasn't that necessarily we were looking at the past because it
10:21
was bad. It was actually the opposite.
10:23
Like you were very much like, this is where it was great for
10:26
me in the past, like when I was younger and I was doing all
10:29
these things And so letting go of that story was really painful
10:32
and really hard. But I think like what really
10:35
helped you propel to thinking about and letting go of the old
10:39
stories is believing that your future is going to be better
10:41
than that. Yeah, 100%.
10:44
I, I think I, I agree. I think it's a lot of that look
10:48
backward looking can be sort of avoiding the future because the
10:52
future, the future can be uncomfortable and a bit scary
10:57
and uncertain. So again, it's like once you
10:59
start to lean into the like the novelty of the future, like, you
11:05
know, you go to a, you know, you go to a store and you, you want
11:08
to buy something, it's oh, you know, it's a novel experience.
11:10
It's new, it's different. If you can think through your
11:14
future experience life like that, like, oh, it's going to be
11:17
different. It's going to be there's going
11:19
to be some novelty, there's going to be something fresh
11:21
about it that over helps you overcome some of that fear of
11:25
the future. And again, that makes it easier
11:28
to move from like the safety of the past to the to the future.
11:33
And you know, for the most part, you know, I was never walking
11:40
into, you know, a big storm or a big, you know, we, we suddenly,
11:46
well, you know, I have a good life.
11:47
I have, you know, I'm in a very great country.
11:49
There's good resources. I was never really doing
11:52
anything completely, you know what, what's the worst case
11:54
scenario? Worst case scenario, I just sort
11:57
of pivot and tweak and, and do something slightly different.
12:00
But I what I'd also say is, you know, it's not a passive process
12:07
with you. I mean, you know, you, we've
12:08
been on plenty of calls where you said, hang on, hang on,
12:11
You're slipping to the, you know, you're slipping to the
12:12
past. Come on, you know, get out of
12:14
the past, look to the future. It's a very coaching is very
12:18
different to something like therapy.
12:19
I think, where you can, you know, you can sit in therapy.
12:22
And don't get me wrong, there's therapy is very helpful for
12:26
people often, you know, digging to their past into problems and
12:29
unlocking all of that stuff. But the difference working on
12:32
coaching is it's just a it's a more active, literally a
12:39
forward-looking process. And I think you're very good at
12:43
giving people a bit of tough love to sort of, you know,
12:46
course correct. And like, come on, let's let's
12:49
move, you know, move. How are you going to move
12:51
forward? Keep moving forward.
12:52
And I, you know, I have to do the work, but you're the one
12:55
that pulls me to remember to sort of, you know, you're
12:58
steering me to look forward instead of like, you know, go to
13:02
the past. Yeah, and if you could say,
13:05
because it's so interesting, even as I explain what having a
13:11
life coach for me is like, what it's interesting as I ask people
13:15
like what it what it's like for them, their experience, what it
13:19
means for them. Like if you could tell people
13:21
who are maybe just listening and they're like, OK, I've
13:23
experienced therapy, I know what that's like.
13:26
I life coaching, OK, we're talking about our future.
13:29
But like what? How can you explain what life
13:32
coaching like kind of what the process is for you and what each
13:36
week it kind of helps you with for your experience anyway?
13:42
Yeah, it, it's like I said, it's a lot.
13:45
It's a, it's a far more active process.
13:47
And I think it's, it's something where you really, you get
13:52
immersed in the, the energy of working through, you know, where
13:58
you are today and then what you need to do to keep moving
14:00
forward. That that's the that's the real
14:02
difference. And I think, like I said, the
14:05
therapy is sort of predicated on, you know, unlocking the past
14:11
and trying to work through that. This is what I find really
14:15
helpful is if I wasn't doing coaching with you, I, I would
14:20
probably still be just a bit stuck in today in some of the
14:24
past. I know that working with you, it
14:27
helps propel me forward and look forward because again, I think,
14:30
I think actually what it is, is there's a natural, there's
14:34
probably a natural default for me to sort of stay where I am or
14:37
look back a bit because that's an easy place.
14:39
So it's pulling me forward out of the comfort zone and I, I
14:45
often just need some encouragement to do that and to
14:49
so literally sort of, you know, get out of my own way in many
14:52
ways. So I think both in the community
14:54
program and also the one-on-one, you really just help people get
14:57
out their own way. I'm really just, like I said,
15:01
you're sort of pointing us in the direction that we need to
15:03
go. We have to do the work, but it's
15:05
it's really moving us forward. I think you said something
15:09
that's really key is that all of our brains default to the past
15:12
because we look at our past of like what we're capable of.
15:15
Have we done it before and did we almost get there?
15:18
And so the past is like almost like our indicator of, Oh, well,
15:21
can we do this big thing that we're trying to work towards and
15:24
we lean on it versus like the harder work is to go against the
15:28
default and be like, well, actually just 'cause I haven't
15:31
created it before doesn't mean that it's not possible for me.
15:35
And so like you, you really like touched on that like all our
15:39
brains are default to the past. That's what we look at of what
15:41
our capability is. But if that was true, then we'd
15:44
never get bigger than we already have been.
15:47
Right. But I think there's another lens
15:48
as well, which is rather than just the time lens of looking
15:51
back versus forward, the biggest thing, the, the biggest or a key
15:56
unlock in this process is to get out your comfort zone.
16:00
So to your point, I'm comfortable looking back.
16:03
I have some discomfort looking forward.
16:06
And I, I think I've, I've got less discomfortable, if that's
16:10
the right way of putting it. And actually the thing that
16:12
comes to mind is, you know, Michael Easter has written a
16:16
book on the comfort zone. And, you know, so many people
16:18
talk about we, we, you know, we have a lot of comfort in our
16:22
lives. We have a lot of, you know, we
16:24
have, you know, good food. We have a lot of ease in our
16:27
lives. We sort of quote, getting soft
16:30
and we need to get out of that comfort zone to drive growth.
16:34
I would say yes, the, the, the best experiences I've had in
16:40
life have come through some level of discomfort on working
16:43
through that. And I think it's, it's just the
16:49
coaching, the coaching environment is a good
16:51
environment to get out of that comfort zone.
16:54
So that's more that's actually an important thing because I
16:56
think that's the point I wanted to even emphasize from earlier,
16:59
like when I said you, you give, you know, the, the process is
17:03
there's some tough love. I think even as a group, it's,
17:07
this is not like quite woo woo stuff where you know, well,
17:10
let's just listen and wait till someone decides they want to
17:13
move forward and you know, it, It's, it's like, come on, you
17:16
got to, you've got to really embrace that discomfort and
17:21
that's the way you're going to sort of sharpen the blade and,
17:23
and, and sort of move ahead. So I, I, I think it's more, it's
17:28
more getting comfortable with this, with discomfort as a
17:32
default and then moving forward from there.
17:34
If you can't, if you can't sort of lean into that, that's that's
17:39
what you, that's what you got to focus on 1st.
17:42
Yeah, I love that you said that because that is really, it will.
17:46
It's like for all of us who are overachievers and doers and even
17:49
just as humans, we want to grow, we want to level up and we want
17:53
to be intentional about it, but we also don't want to feel
17:56
uncomfortable doing it. And so it's knowing that to
18:00
become that next version of you or to get where you want to be,
18:03
it's going to require discomfort.
18:04
And the people who are at the highest level of that, they're
18:07
just able to experience discomfort and know that that's
18:09
the growth part of it. 100% and like, you know, we, we hear
18:14
there's a lot where people say like, oh, how did so and so get
18:17
to be so successful? That's amazing.
18:20
And people will say, yeah, but you know, it took me 10 years to
18:25
get there, you know, overnight success took me 10 years to get
18:27
there or whatever, you know, and there's for all of us wherever
18:30
whatever we do, there's a lot of truth to that in that you.
18:34
You have to lead into that. And I think also is literally
18:40
you have to sort of try and embrace some of that discomfort.
18:43
And I, I think knowing some of you know, some of my strength is
18:47
the ability to lean into problems.
18:50
And I actually enjoy digging into problems.
18:52
Some people walk away from problems and they just, you
18:55
know, they turn, they don't, they don't want to get involved
18:58
in problems. But I think for me, as I think
19:00
about it, whenever I've leaned into problems, problems are a
19:03
good trigger to getting out of the comfort zone.
19:07
But if you don't have a problem in front, if you don't have a
19:09
problem in front of you, it's a easy to stay in the comfort
19:12
zone, you know? Yeah, it's like a love hate
19:13
relationship with problems. It's like I don't really want to
19:16
have the problems, but I do because then that's what pushes
19:19
my brain. Right, exactly.
19:21
Yeah, yeah. And I do think like what?
19:23
What else is coming up for me when you said that is, I do
19:25
think we live in this day and age where it's like, let's just
19:28
be comfortable, let's be soft, Let's let's be Zen, let's do all
19:32
the things, which that's great. But what I want to really teach
19:37
people to do is OK, but that's not life.
19:40
Life is hard. And how do you just become the
19:42
person who can do the hard when the hard does come?
19:47
Yeah, 100%. And I think again, it's my
19:50
perspective as has evolved over the years.
19:52
I think some years ago, 5-6 years ago more probably, you
19:56
know, a long time before I started working with you, I
19:59
definitely, I definitely used to think that like, you know, you
20:03
had to be dominating and you had to be aggressive and, you know,
20:07
very alpha and all this stuff that's very exhausting and it's,
20:13
it's not very. In some ways, it's not very
20:16
real. I think where a lot of that
20:19
working through the hard stuff is really starting off with just
20:24
some humility and gratitude for the chance to have an
20:28
experience. Like like you said, like like
20:31
for me, EMT was, you know, you had some tough days in EMT.
20:35
There weren't there was nothing some of the days when I weren't
20:38
very glamorous. It was like, you know, you're
20:40
dealing with IFT transport patients, you know, very sick
20:44
people that are, you're moving to dialysis to and from their
20:47
location and you know, things are going wrong with with the I
20:52
know the charting and the iPads or you're I was a driver EMT.
20:56
So you're stuck in traffic or you can't get into the, you
20:59
know, the ambulance Bay and or you're dealing with a difficult
21:02
nurse, all this stuff. But through all of that, when
21:06
you got off a shift, I'm like, wow, that was just such a good
21:10
day to get through that. And you work with and you're
21:12
like, you know, the patient I'm dealing with, they have such a
21:16
tough life. You know, they've got like their
21:18
life literally is they're moving between one facility and another
21:22
and they're on dialysis too. I mean, how you know, how tough
21:25
is that? You know, that's how my life's
21:27
easy compared to them. My discomfort of trying to, you
21:29
know, swing an ambulance through a parking Bay and, and, you
21:33
know, manoeuvre through traffic. It it's nothing compared to what
21:37
these people are going through. And, and you, you realize that,
21:40
you realize that a lot of these challenges are not, they're not,
21:44
they're not such a big deal when you break them down in the
21:46
moment, they seem like it. But you know, like my first few
21:50
shifts as an EMT, we're like, oh, this is like, how am I going
21:53
to be able to do this? But then you, you just, you
21:55
know, you realize it's not that bad.
21:57
Yeah, and I also think like what came up for me when you said
22:00
that is that a lot of the people that I work with, including
22:03
yourself and myself, were leaders.
22:07
And it's uncomfortable to be a leader.
22:09
I was just talking to my can't remember from my son or my
22:13
daughter about this the other day and he's like, oh, I never
22:15
want to do this leadership role. Like I could never see my son.
22:18
I'm like, good luck with that because leadership roles are
22:20
going to find you and they're going to keep knocking at your
22:24
door. So even if you don't want the
22:25
discomfort, if if you are a leader, if the roles are going
22:29
to find you and you're going to have to be uncomfortable really
22:33
fast. Right.
22:35
And I think also I think particularly for obviously some
22:38
of your, your flight students and our students because we're
22:42
all in the program together, whatever we're doing.
22:44
I think the the other thing I realize over the years now is
22:50
leadership isn't, it's not just a big badge you wear across your
22:53
chest. I'm a leader and I'm this, that
22:56
the other or you know, I'm with the appointed leader.
22:59
No leadership can show up in so many different ways.
23:02
We can all show leadership for ourselves and others.
23:05
You know, the you put the oxygen mask on for yourself first.
23:08
You know, you sort of take care of yourself first, then you lead
23:11
others. But even, you know, I, I had a
23:14
brilliant partner when I was an EMT's guy.
23:16
Will shout out to Will. We still hang out after all
23:20
these years. But, you know, Will had been an
23:23
EMT for 20 years and he showed up on time every, you know, he
23:28
clocked in early every shift. He was always there ready.
23:31
Everything was, you know, prepared.
23:33
Nothing phased him. He was was good at de escalating
23:37
situations. I would get wound up.
23:39
He'd de that was leadership. It wasn't like he had a big
23:41
badge on, but he as a human, he was a human leader.
23:45
And you see that in so many places.
23:47
I think where you, you know, you can look around a room and say,
23:51
Oh, I know who the leader or leaders are in this situation.
23:54
It's not, you know, Johnny or Mary, It's it's whoever and it's
23:58
the people. That good leadership, I think is
24:01
just showing up well for yourself and others around you.
24:05
It's not really. It's good leadership.
24:07
And it's like being clear about what your values are and taking
24:11
that person with you everywhere to the grocery store, to the
24:15
errands that you're writing to, to the professional thing that
24:19
you're doing in your job, to your home life.
24:21
When you take the you who has these values everywhere, that's
24:24
a leader. And that's what people are
24:26
looking at. I just, you know, I tell my kids
24:30
that because it's not just, you know, the job that you're
24:33
applying for, it's who you are. It's how people remember you.
24:36
It's how you show up every day that who you are as you, what
24:40
you value. Like that's what's going to get
24:42
you the jobs. People are going to notice that
24:44
and that's what's going to matter in the end.
24:46
Well, yes, and even we've had convos even recently where I was
24:51
surprised, but like I'm, you know, looking at some other
24:54
business things at the moment. And, you know, literally a
24:57
couple of people that I've sat next to events, dinners and we,
25:03
you know, we got on and we chatted.
25:04
Oh, then they saw also, you know, yeah, Jim seems to know
25:07
what he's talking about. I don't know what.
25:09
And, you know, just gave a decent impression.
25:12
And it's, it's so easy to ignore these sort of situations or take
25:18
take them for granted. When or, or even like you said,
25:22
you go into the, you know, the coffee shop or whatever and you
25:25
just, you just be pleasant to someone behind the counter
25:28
because you, you have no idea what's going on for them.
25:30
You know, everyone, everyone's, I think particularly having
25:34
lived in New York for nearly 25 years, which is still the
25:38
greatest city in the world. I mean, I lived in London,
25:40
Birmingham and New York. But in New York, you know,
25:43
everybody's trying to get by. Even when people are in your
25:46
face, everyone's just trying to like get through and deal with
25:51
all the do the intensity of that city experience.
25:54
But I've, you know, I, I've had some of the best experiences and
25:59
met some of the nicest people in New York, even when they're the,
26:02
you know, it's one of the toughest places to be so.
26:04
Yeah, yeah. One thing that I was thinking
26:07
about asking you because you are in between a job pivot and
26:11
search right now. And this, I would have to say,
26:16
is the most common grounded I've ever seen you.
26:20
Right. OK, so maybe what I want to ask
26:24
you, maybe what you can explain to other people is like what,
26:27
what is having you in this place of like peace, groundedness,
26:32
like a surety confidence in this time of like real big
26:37
uncertainty of in between jobs or like maybe that's not how
26:41
you're feeling. But I do have this sense that
26:43
more than ever you are leaning into that a little bit more.
26:47
No, you're right. I am in a sort of a like a sort
26:50
of a present state of today verse.
26:54
And I think sometimes if I I mean I'm out of the car doing
26:57
Oh, actually, you know, I got to figure the future and I'm like,
27:00
Oh, I don't start to second guess myself, but typically I'm
27:05
in a bed. I'm in a good place compared to
27:07
the past because I think again, it comes with a lot of bitter
27:11
experience. If you in the past, I think I
27:16
tended to get wound up about things that were broken or, or
27:22
struggling in my life and therefore wound up about, well,
27:24
you know, oh, if I don't do this, I'm never going to get a
27:27
chance to do this, to do it. And it's, it's that sort of
27:30
scarcity mindset around I've got to get all these things done.
27:34
I've got to go see family here and there.
27:36
And this the because I just, I don't have the, you know, I
27:38
might not have the time. And I do think it's opening up
27:42
to be a bit more philosophical and just realize that again, you
27:51
have to do the work today and, and, and the world keeps moving
27:55
forward. So you either keep moving
27:56
forward with it or, or you don't.
27:58
It's really, you know, you just got to decide where where you
28:01
want to go. For me, I'm, I just got to keep
28:03
moving forward. So dwelling on the past or or
28:06
getting wound up about things is just it's not worth it.
28:10
I see now what it is for you. It's like abundance.
28:13
Like it's not that you don't have scarcity thoughts, it's
28:16
just you have a more managed mind that you can jump into.
28:20
You know what helps? You have a managed mind.
28:22
You know what those high value things are that can do to have
28:25
that. And then also you are looking
28:28
more of a lens of abundance and scarcity.
28:30
Well, yeah, yes, I agree. And I think it's also, I think
28:34
particularly over the last few years, it's realizing I used to,
28:40
I think I used to think that everybody else had it figured
28:42
out. And I had, and that used to
28:44
create a lot of anxiety because I thought everyone else, you
28:48
know, had this sort of perfect playbook for life.
28:49
And I, I was the only one who was like screwing up or
28:52
struggling or whatever. And then particularly, I think
28:55
in the last year or two in the, you know, in business
29:00
situations, I've been, I'm like, you know, again, it's back to
29:05
nobody's really got it all figured out.
29:07
People are really just trying to figure out as they go.
29:10
And those that are sort of decent and honest about it, you
29:15
know, they have some grace about it.
29:16
They just try and make it work and they just try and figure
29:19
things out. They don't, they don't pretend
29:21
like they've got it all figured out.
29:22
And I think I've realized that I'm not, I'm in no better or
29:27
worse position than anybody else.
29:30
I just the best thing I can do is make back to, you know,
29:35
making use of resources is appreciate the abundance of
29:38
resources I have both in my mind and practically and lean into
29:43
those and just, you know, embrace, embrace where quote
29:47
where the you know, where this where these changes take me.
29:52
Yeah, I love that because I've noticed a huge change in you
29:55
with that. And also like just being able to
29:57
learn more on the abundance side than the scarcity side has been.
30:02
I've seen that change in you. Well, I've also experienced it
30:05
because I do remember even when we were working first started
30:07
working together two or three years ago, I think when I was
30:09
looking at the, the paramedic versus the corporate stuff.
30:13
And I literally, I remember being in the, in the local
30:15
grocery store car park. And I was on a call with him.
30:18
Oh, should I do this? Should I do that?
30:19
And you know, well, hang on, you know, and I think now I'm not,
30:25
I'm not doing all of that flip flopping.
30:31
And it's, it's because I'm really just, I'm sitting with
30:36
things and working through them and realizing that I'll figure
30:42
it out. I mean it will I have to be
30:45
active about it, but I can figure it out.
30:47
Yeah, I love that. I can figure it out.
30:49
One thing that just came up for me too, to ask you is I actually
30:52
work with a lot of clients that do have ADHD.
30:55
And my fondest partners and the fondest people that I worked
30:58
with were people who actually had that.
31:00
Because my brain works like that a little bit too.
31:03
Like I need that high energy. So for people who are listening
31:08
who maybe have been diagnosed with that or have that
31:11
experience for them, like kind of what would you tell them
31:15
about managing their mind Or what's been helpful for you in
31:20
your life of experiencing ADHD in many different facets, Like
31:24
what's been helpful for you or a piece of advice that you can
31:27
kind of give them with that? I think it's honestly, there are
31:34
so many different facets to ADHD and there's so many different
31:37
dimensions, you know, sort of degrees of ADHD.
31:41
So whether it's, you know, you sort of live in your head or you
31:45
get scattered mind or you have time blindness and or, or, or
31:49
you know, you lean into complex problems, but you know, you let
31:53
things drift, whatever. There's so many different
31:55
dimensions. I think it's really, really
31:59
focus on whether it's, you know, with yourself or with some
32:04
professional help or whatever. And I certainly had a clinical,
32:07
you know, diagnosis is, is really try and spend the time
32:11
understanding what their facets are that are particular to you.
32:15
And then just learn to work. Just just again, make peace with
32:21
working with it versus fighting it.
32:24
So for me, I have some, you know, you know, I have some
32:27
challenges of time blindness. I, I, I, I don't like, I don't
32:32
like running things on my calendar and time blocking and
32:35
did it and all that, you know, that is I'd much rather if I get
32:38
into something that's interesting, I'm happy to sort
32:41
of stay up half the night working through interesting
32:43
problems, but that. You know.
32:45
This will serve you. So you have to recognize that
32:49
and just just work through the particular facets that that
32:54
affect you. And I think, yeah, it is there's
33:02
a lot of nuances, I think to ADHD.
33:03
So just just try and understand the different dimensions that
33:07
affect you. And I think the other thing as
33:09
well is this does take a lot of work, but I think some of these
33:17
labels in a lot of mental health challenges are sometimes not
33:21
super helpful because you don't want to just I, I'm not, oh,
33:26
I've got ADHD, therefore this an excuse not to do X and so on and
33:29
so forth. That is not for me personally.
33:31
It's not helpful. I recognize how I get very
33:35
cluttered in my head and very wrapped up.
33:37
So, OK, so let me, you know, go and sit over here and let me or
33:43
environment is super important to me.
33:44
I, I really don't like working at home.
33:46
I like work in an office. So when I, when I work remote,
33:50
I've always used like a Weworks or an office space because I
33:53
like being around people. It actually helps me get more
33:56
focused and stops me drifting. That's, that's really just
34:00
acknowledging what works for me and what I have to do.
34:03
It doesn't mean I'm deficient necessarily as a human being,
34:06
but it just that's what I have to.
34:08
Again, it's leaning into that to to to make that work.
34:13
Yeah, that's so interesting. And I'm curious for you, how has
34:17
life coaching helped you with the time blindness?
34:19
Because I, I, as you said that I'm like, OK, we have talked
34:23
about that before, but I'm interested for you like how
34:27
integrating life coaching has helped you with that piece.
34:31
I think honestly, just I'm certainly a lot better in terms
34:35
of being a lot more prepared for things that I used to be even
34:39
calls and and group sessions and thinking ahead.
34:42
Because again, I think I'm if you know, if you have ADHD, you
34:47
can one of the challenges, you can be a bit of an adrenaline
34:49
junkie. So I was an adrenaline junkie
34:51
that I used to, I used to like to wing it.
34:55
And I used to say to myself, I'm the king of wing because I, I
35:00
would go into meetings and there have been years of doing some
35:03
things in, in the jobs I was doing.
35:05
Oh, you know, I, I can pull this together in 5 minutes, I'll be
35:08
fine. And it's, I used to get an
35:10
adrenaline kick out of that, but then I realized, I realized that
35:14
that actually is quite exhausting.
35:16
And that gets fatiguing. Now I'm just, I'm just a bit
35:21
more thoughtful, you know, some people might prepare for things,
35:26
you know, a day ahead of time. Well, I'm not, I'm not that
35:29
perfect, you know, but I'll certainly prepare an hour ahead
35:31
or a couple of hours ahead. And I'll just be a bit and I'm
35:33
just a lot more conscious of, oh, you know, I need to be get
35:38
more prepared. I think the other thing as well
35:39
is like a lot of that stuff, honestly, a lot of those
35:43
symptoms can be quite very selfish.
35:45
Like, you know, with my partner, Oh, you know, the poor woman's,
35:50
you know, been so sort of ticked off where, you know, I've missed
35:53
flights or had delays at the airport by by virtue of my own,
35:57
you know what we say in English like, you know, lollygagging
35:59
around and, you know, getting coffee and this and that.
36:02
And I'm like, that's just very selfish.
36:04
You know, you have to you have to be conscious of those around
36:09
you. And again, it's like you got to
36:12
show up well for yourself to then show up well for others
36:16
because it's not just all about, again, it's not just all about
36:18
me, my role in the, you know, I have to show up well for others.
36:23
It's not just all about, you know, Jim.
36:25
Ben, So you know, this makes sense because now I'm realizing
36:29
we have pulled apart a lot of your thoughts when you are in
36:32
this time blindness, blindness. And I think just like you just
36:36
said, your awareness of what are all the thoughts that your
36:38
brain's offering you when you're in the time blindness have, I
36:42
think, helped you grow the capability to find them right
36:44
away and be on to yourself. Well, yeah, and I think the
36:47
other thing as well again, I, you know, I'm even in this call,
36:50
I'm talking a lot. But I think I need to remember
36:52
or just to point out is, you know, this and I had this
36:55
evening, previous coaching calls or whatever is you're very good
37:01
at listening to me for two or three minutes as I sort of
37:03
download and get again my brains like whirring around.
37:07
And then you're like, OK, I think these are the two or three
37:10
things we need to work on. You're very good at unpacking
37:13
and on. And I've been with people who
37:15
said, OK, so what's your point? You know, and I'm like I said,
37:20
I'm a lot more conscious of it. And honestly, even AI helped us
37:23
a bit. I mean, as I've been doing stuff
37:25
recently, I record a lot of my calls to people and I get
37:30
reviews from AI, like on my verbal communication, give me
37:34
scores and all this, you know, I didn't have that 2-3 years ago.
37:38
Yeah, again, I think that's one of the one of the very specific
37:41
advantages working with you and the, and the programme is you're
37:45
very good at listening, more than listening, but really just
37:50
digesting a lot of stuff that's thrown at you and then unpacking
37:53
it to get to the root of what really people are struggling
37:58
with. And I see that with others, not
37:59
less, whether they have ADH or not, but in the, in the, in the
38:02
group coaching. And I'm almost like, I want to
38:05
someone chime in and like, yes, come on, you're almost there.
38:07
You're almost there because like you're, you're prodding and
38:10
probing and you're getting people that you're literally
38:14
you're already good at. It's like peeling an onion.
38:17
You're sort of pulling it back layer by layer.
38:20
And I can see the, the people, there's two or three things on
38:23
the surface. And you know, there's like this,
38:25
you know, the, the phrase, you know, ask the five why's, why
38:28
this why, why, why. And as you get down to it, I
38:31
think that's the one of the great things about this type of
38:33
program is it helps you peel back the onion on, on, on where
38:38
you are. Yeah.
38:39
And honestly, when when you said that, I'm like, the more my
38:43
clients give me, the more they're they just brain dump
38:46
everything. The easier it is for me to
38:48
figure it out, the easier it is for me to be like, OK, these are
38:50
the two or three things I see. So I love that type of brain,
38:54
like you said, that just like spews out all of this thing,
38:57
these things at once. Like that's the most helpful.
38:59
I think of James as being willing to go there.
39:02
Right. And that's also, I think for all
39:04
of us, that's the quote, the EMT nursing, the, the, the medical
39:08
training is like, you know, you learn to work into walk into
39:12
situations and then, OK, what's really going on here?
39:14
I'm packing quickly, you know, diagnosed or whatever.
39:19
But you know, even a simple sense, you walk in a room, you
39:22
don't, you know, patients not talking to you, they're on a bad
39:24
day. You're trying to figure it out.
39:27
I think we're good at that and we're good in the program.
39:29
I think of of actually as a group or as individuals peeling
39:34
that back to figure out what's really going on here.
39:37
And let's quickly sort of get things moving.
39:39
Yeah. It's like this is what you think
39:41
the problem is, but this is what really the problem is.
39:44
Yeah, that's what you're trying to find with every page.
39:47
OK. We've had some great
39:49
conversation about a lot of different things.
39:51
Is there anything in this interview today that we haven't
39:55
talked about that you want to share or that is coming up for
39:59
you that we kind of haven't touched on yet?
40:06
No, I mean, I, you know, I again, I did actually use, I
40:09
used AI to tweak up some, some talking points, but we've talked
40:13
through a lot of stuff. So I do think the the key things
40:19
I would say for as I think through my experiences.
40:21
Is oh, I do want to ask you about.
40:24
OK, sorry to interrupt this is all the time.
40:26
But after you say this, I do want to ask you about for my
40:29
listeners who are on the older side and having the thoughts I'm
40:32
too old and it's too late. You offer advice for them.
40:35
I'll come back to that because it's interesting we've not
40:37
talked about that, which is I know.
40:39
So what I'd say is that the one thing I thought about, you don't
40:43
need to solve everything to get started with anything.
40:46
You know what I mean? So just literally get started
40:50
with things. And this is another, this is a
40:54
good quote here. This is actually Winston
40:56
Churchill. So forgive me on this, but
40:57
success is not final. Failure is not fatal.
41:01
It's the courage to continue that counts.
41:03
So always be. We just always got to be moving
41:06
forward. That's that.
41:06
Again, it's like let go of the past, always be moving forward.
41:10
Yeah, I love that. You wanted to ask about.
41:12
I'm not going to tell people my age that's highly confidential,
41:15
but. Okay, highly called potential,
41:16
you have to say that. But I do work with a lot of
41:19
people in here. You know, I'm going to be, I
41:20
have to ask my kids how old I am, but I think I'm going to be
41:22
42 this year. I really believe my best years
41:25
are ahead of me and I really have that belief.
41:29
And so for the people that are listening, they're like, hey, I
41:32
might want to make this career shift.
41:33
I might want to make this job change.
41:35
I might want to start my business.
41:36
I don't know, like I, I, I'm older, all these things, like,
41:41
what would you tell them? Because I know that this has
41:44
been something that has been a struggle for you.
41:46
What is it that maybe you would want to tell them, or a piece of
41:50
advice you'd want to give them on that?
41:53
Well, it's so joking apart. Yeah, I'm 59.
41:55
So I, I have no, I, I have no problem telling people that
42:01
genuinely, I think it is again, it sounds a bit corny, but it
42:04
is. It's really getting to a point
42:08
where you you tap into age is just a number, but there's a lot
42:13
of work to get there because otherwise age as a number can be
42:17
a barrier. And as I think about it, in
42:18
terms of my, I mean, look, I want to tap into experiences
42:23
more than age. Like I went as I, and I
42:25
sometimes forget this, but like I went to Business School here
42:28
when I was 33. Most of my peers were late 20s
42:31
because I, I came home from the UK.
42:33
So I wasn't, you know, I didn't go to Business School when I was
42:36
younger in the UKI went, I trained as an EMT when I was 51.
42:42
Most of my classmates were a lot of them were fourteen,
42:45
15/16/2022. There were most of them are
42:49
young enough to be my nephews or nieces or kids.
42:53
So but so it but it didn't. It doesn't matter as long as you
42:58
don't make it matter. That's what I'd say.
43:00
So like even today, you're right.
43:02
The last few years, I think in business, you have to be
43:06
thoughtful about ageism. It's there's a reality to it.
43:10
But I would say again, you know, life is a life is a a lot of
43:18
pivots, a lot of change. We're all going through changes.
43:20
Changes are constant. Again, it sounds corny, but if,
43:23
if change is a constant, if you're going to embrace change
43:25
and lean into it, you have to, it's helpful to strip away any,
43:32
any sort of like barriers or friction around age because
43:36
again, you only have I only have so much.
43:38
I haven't got the energy to waste worrying about my age.
43:41
I want to put my energy into being healthy, fit, turning up
43:46
for myself and my family, my nephews and my sister and my
43:51
partner and kids, all that stuff.
43:54
That's where my energy needs to go again, because dwelling on
43:58
age can be so honestly, and I've done this, it's it's a bit self
44:02
indulgent, you know, like so well, it's just a number, you
44:06
know, and, and the person in the like I said, we said like the
44:09
person you want to serve around you, they're best served by you
44:13
being the best version of yourself.
44:15
And that's not the person that's saying, oh, look at me, how old
44:17
I am you? Know, yeah, yeah.
44:19
And I think it's just being able to be willing to be bigger than
44:22
whatever your circumstances exactly, whether it's your money
44:25
circumstance or your age circumstance or whether you have
44:29
kids or whether you're putting jobs for the 4th time like me.
44:32
It's just being willing to feel bigger than what your current
44:36
circumstances are like. That's really what growth is.
44:38
That's really what creates success is that.
44:41
I would say as well, if anyone, again, it's about who we
44:45
surround ourselves with, if there are folks around you that
44:50
are disparaging of your age or look down on you because of your
44:52
age, then, you know, don't waste your time with them.
44:55
You know, there's plenty, there's plenty of people making
44:58
all sorts of pivots at all sorts of different ages.
45:01
That's, that's a, that's a, that's a great thing, you know.
45:04
Yeah, Yeah. Well, Jim, thank you so much for
45:07
being on. I've loved our conversation.
45:09
It's given me a little window of, you know, your thoughts and
45:13
like really what coaching has the results it's created for
45:18
you. And I loved all the different
45:19
topics that we talked on because I think so many people are going
45:23
through these things right now. So I really appreciate you being
45:26
on and I'm excited for you to join us inside our new program.
45:29
Yeah. And I'm like I said, I'm really
45:30
excited for the, the, the community program.
45:34
We've obviously dipped in and had some previews of that.
45:37
And it's, it's a great place to be.
45:41
The that's, that's equally as good as just being in one-on-one
45:44
stuff. So I'm, I'm really excited for
45:45
what's coming and what you're building so.
45:47
Yeah, and I love that, too. Like, I really think that group,
45:51
you get to see what other people are thinking.
45:53
They're like, oh, it's not just me, he's feeling like this.
45:56
And sometimes I just get more out of watching someone else get
45:59
coached in the programs that I'm in into.
46:00
All right, Jim, thanks for being on.
46:03
Really appreciate it. Thanks.
46:05
Yeah, so good to talk. Have a good day.
46:07
Yeah. You too, bye.
46:09
If anything in this episode sparked your interest in
46:11
learning to manage your mind and feel better to create confidence
46:14
in your life, come join the shift.
46:17
We are an entire community that meets together on a weekly basis
46:20
with an ongoing group chat. You can click on the link to
46:23
join in the show notes or DM me on Instagram.
46:25
I hope to see all of you guys inside.