Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 24. Intentional Parenting and Connection with Lauren Bryant

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24. Intentional Parenting and Connection with Lauren Bryant · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a Heart that Beats for Home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Hello friends, welcome back to another episode here at A Heart that Beats for Home.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: We are in month one of our summer series on parenting.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: So excited to have so many great guests joining us over the summer just to talk about all things momming the hard, the good, the struggles, the joy, all of it.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: There is so much that's involved in this role as a mom and I am just so excited to be bringing so many amazing women before you.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Today is no exception to that, ms Lauren Bryant is joining us.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Lauren is a friend that I've known gosh, I don't even know how far we go back, probably a decade to, maybe even I don't know.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe I knew you pre-kids, but you maybe had really littles when I first met you.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And I'll tell you guys a little bit more throughout the podcast, just some things that I've got to experience doing life with Lauren and traveling around the world with her and her family.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: We work in the same business, but I just love this woman so much and when I was looking for guests I knew specifically in this younger age because she has a tribe.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Lauren and her husband, kyle, have five children and I'm going to let her jump in here and just give us a little bit of an intro into who she is, a little bit about her family, and then we're going to jump in and soak up some of her wisdom.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: So, lauren, thanks so much for being here.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm so excited, I'm so thankful to get to be on here sharing with you.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: So thank you, nikki, so much for having me Give us a rundown of all your kiddos, kind of where you're at in life.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: So I have five kids.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Like you said, they're 11, nine, six, four and one.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: So we've got a blend of two girls, three boys and a blend of personalities.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: So I love it, I seriously love it, and I homeschool the older children and it's not something that I thought I would do.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I was homeschooled at a young age and it's not something that I thought I would do.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I was homeschooled at a young age and I said I will never homeschool my children because homeschooling was different back then and I know nowadays it's kind of the cool, the trendy thing to do.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: But because the world is shifting and a lot more people are looking into homeschooling, I get inquiries from people all the time that are asking about homeschooling, homeschooling tips, and that's surprisingly become a passion of mine, and so it's different.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: You're wearing many hats, many roles whenever you're not just raising your children, you're also their teacher.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: So you're their mom, you're their teacher.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: You're many things whenever you're doing those different roles.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: So I feel like that's almost like a whole other realm of my parenting is taking on that role as well.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: But that's a little bit of the stage that I'm in right now?
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: And what about your husband, kyle?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: You guys have been married for 15 years.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: This month I think we will maybe dive in a little bit to that homeschooling conversation here as we get into it, because I think that is a really interesting.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: Ironically, I also was homeschooled and I always said I would never, ever, homeschool my children.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: And it's funny how the things that there's just a couple of things that I've been like I will never and it's God has a definite sense of humor and I'm grateful that he was able to kind of hammer away at the hardness in my heart on some of those things that I said I would never do that now, and I'm sure you would agree have proven to be some of the biggest blessings although challenging at times, just things that just bring you so much joy in your life.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So I definitely I think that would be a fun thing to jump into.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: One of the reasons this is just one thing specifically that sticks out when I was thinking about people to have on specifically with this younger stage we're talking in June about the zero to five years of raising our children and kind of what in the book that we're using as our reference the parenting book by Andy Stanley is the discipline stage, and I don't think of that as like coming down harshly and like it's always.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Discipline to me is just creating habit and being consistent in the communication.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: And when you think about how that applies to our kids, sure, sometimes there's disciplining involved in that.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: But Lauren and her husband, we were I don't know, it was probably four years ago, maybe three years ago we were assigned rooms in the same hallway.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: We get to go to Hawaii every year with the company we work with and Lauren and her family were somewhere down the hall.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I didn't know it at the time, but I was in the morning getting ready in my room putting my makeup on and I could just hear all this precious commotion in the hallway and it was singing and it was laughing, and so I ran to the peephole to look out to see who is that, what is that sweet sound out in the hallway, and I saw Lauren and her crew with their wagon in tow.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: They were on their way to the beach and they were singing these sweet little Bible songs and it just like it was the sweetest thing ever.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: And I know, lauren, you would be the first to say like that was a glimpse, and it doesn't always look like that, but when I have watched you parent, I just see an overflow of joy in how you show up with your kids.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And again we're being real here and I've encouraged you to be real and talk about that.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: It's not always like that, but really I see that as a core value of who you are.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: So talk to me just a little bit about how do you, as a mama with five little kids, homeschooling, how do you maintain that sense of joy and positivity in raising this tribe of amazing little humans?
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: So even you just saying that it made me want to cry, because it really stems from a heart that I, I love my children so much and I know every parent would say that every parent would say I love my children so much and I know every parent would say that Every parent would say I love my children so much.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: But seeing them, god really has done this transformative heart change in me, because so much in our culture teaches us to love yourself, treat yourself, all these things and we don't really need to be told to be selfish any more than we already are.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: And I recognized that there was so much in the business realm in my previous career.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I'm a nurse and so in where I worked before I was working full time as a nurse, I was told oh, like you do so great at what you do, you owe it to yourself.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: You should get your advanced degree.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: So I was getting my master's degree and it was just so caught up in the me what Lauren could do with her life.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: And I loved my children and I was enjoying them.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: They were so cute, but they were obstacles to me achieving all I wanted and all that I felt like I should be doing with my life, these achievements, these promotions or degrees and things that the world puts on you, that you owe it to yourself to reach your full potential, and all these things.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: So I was a more frustrated parent in the beginning because I saw my kids as an obstacle.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: And I will say, I took a time and I was at a retreat and at the end of this retreat I was just spending time with the Lord and he revealed to me that my children were not the obstacle, they were the main point.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: They were not the obstacle to all the things that I wanted to achieve in my life.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: And you know, if I could make a profound impact on a handful of people in my career as a nurse or in my business, that would be so rewarding, right?
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: But guess what?
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: There are five children right in front of me that I absolutely know have been given to me by God to make a profound impact.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: So, instead of me seeing them and their whininess or their needs of the day, that could be frustrating because it's like, hey, I got to get this thing done.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: That makes us feel more frustrated as parents, more anxious, or we're more easily on edge with them.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: And when I realized they're not in the way.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: They are the way and just looking at them and enjoying them for the unique personality that they like, beholding the children in front of me like I just my heart overflowed with love for them and seeing them as a human being, and if they were having a hard day, I had compassion on that and I was like, oh, buddy, you know why did you wake up sad today and taking the time to really investigate that?
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: That has given me so much more joy than what I previously had when I was so wrapped up in myself.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: And I know that's not a popular thing in the narrative of today.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: It's really not, because the entire narrative is telling you to do the other thing and I just I can see the ripple effect of that.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: That could be really, really negative.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: That it's like well, mommy just needs her me time.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: I walked down that road and it didn't bear good fruit.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: So good trees bear good fruit.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Bad trees bear bad fruit and I was bearing bad fruit in my life.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: I was frustrated with my kids often, and so when I really realized that I could lay my life down for others, that's not in the narrative of laying your life down sacrificially and that the greatest form of leadership is being a servant.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: People don't want to do that.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: That's not fun, but when I did that I found my joy and it was my greatest joy.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: And that's where the little hiccups that happen throughout the day that can really throw people off or make them fly off at the handle, wasn't a big deal anymore, because I wasn't trying to just manage them so that I could focus on all these other things.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: I was seeing them in my role in rearing them.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: It was a game changer for me.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: It shifted everything of not seeing them as obstacles and I think so many people see their kids as obstacles.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I got to get childcare, got to get babysitters.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: My kids are always in the way of me achieving these things that I want to do and they're not anymore.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: It's brought so much peace to our home.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: When the parents are selfish, that just breeds selfishness in the home, so that's like the biggest heart shift for me.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: That changed a lot of that.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you for being transparent in that you guys couldn't see that Lauren and I were both wiping away tears.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: In that I mean it is crazy how, as a parent, when somebody else can convey like a picture of something that maybe has even been a goal that you've been working for, that you don't even get to see yourself.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: So often, I think, when you're in the grind of the day to day and you're just, I'm sure that morning you were just walking down the hallway trying to get your family to the beach and you don't even realize that the fruits of your labor and how that is being multiplied and how it's showing to the outside world.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So I love that.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: So, lauren, I mean I want to ask you too, because I think you're speaking from a place I can totally relate to everything you're saying and I think it is just a good reality check of how are we viewing not just our children but the role at home, all the support stuff that we do that a lot of that naturally falls on the mom.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: What would you say to a woman who is in a position, maybe even a single mom, because we have single moms listening, we have women who don't have a choice to not be working.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: What would you say are practical ways in situations like that that you can still make that a priority to pour into your kids that same way, without having guilt of this is what my reality is, and this is how I have to do it.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: It's not that you were able to just divert and be fully present at home.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Is it just that mindset?
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: There have been phases in my parenting with little kids when I was working full time, and so it's not like I could just sit across from them cross legged on the floor and stare into their eyes all day long.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: That's not a reality for any parent, I don't think, and so it was giving them our undivided attention at some point in the day.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: And really, if you carve out TV time or scrolling or all those things, it's spending quality time with them at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day at the bare minimum.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: And so we have kind of bookends that we do with our day and I don't fill those spaces.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Like, let's say, we're riding in the car, let's say you're taking your kids and you're dropping them off at that childcare, at that daycare, or you're taking them to different activities.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: I don't just play mindless music in the car and waste that precious time.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: If I have time with them in the car, I am leveraging it and I am making the most of it.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: So I'm talking to them, I'm asking them deep questions, asking them how their day is, asking them how their day at school was, if they had any interactions that made them sad, really showing them that I care about them, that I see them, that they're not just this.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Stay quiet in the backseat, don't fight with your sibling.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: It's like hi, natalie, how was your day today?
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Was there anything that made you sad?
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: What was your favorite part about today?
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Showing your kids that you see them, that you love them, you care about them as an individual, and so utilizing those moments of the day that we do have if we really see them as such and that we don't waste those opportunities and I really do love that time at the end of the day.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I love reading to my kids, and so we try to do that at the end of the day and it's just like a little sweet thing that we get to do.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: So those are things that I'm like.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Find the pockets of time.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: If it is a priority to you, you will find it, and so this has been a skill I learned in business, but you can implement it in parenting.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: If you're looking at your day and you're just like, I just don't think I have enough time to invest into my children.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Look at your day, look at the time blocks and see when can you fit in.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: It's like 10, 15 minute windows of time throughout the day to have those quality conversations with your kids, because and especially if you're younger it's not going gonna take a super long time, because it's not like they have a ton to say, but to say I see you, I care about you, I love you.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: As an individual Need to know that, they need to know that you care about them and that you value them.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: And so I would just say that take a look at your day, find those pockets and those windows of time and if it's a priority, stick to it, those pockets and those windows of time.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: And if it's a priority, stick to it.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: And, just like you would brush your teeth every day, you are going to have this time with your kids every day, to connect heart to heart with them, not just be their activities coordinator and shuttling them from one thing to the other.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: That you're having heart connects amidst all of those things, because we can do that with our father as well.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: We can't always carve out hours a day to spend with the Lord, but we can have heart connects with him while we're amidst our daily activities, while we're washing the dishes, while we're doing things, and so it's the same thing that we can do with our kids.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: We're making the most and redeeming our time.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: We're not wasting it.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: We're redeeming our time, and so that's something that everyone can do amidst that busy schedule of life.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I love that so much, that redeeming our time, because there is time and I think, more than ever, culture takes us to so many other places where I mean it's so easy to lose a half an hour, an hour on things where you go oh my goodness, I didn't even realize the time that I was wasting.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: And that just that concept of redeeming your time and maybe if this is something that you really struggle with, I know I can say it is for me we get into seasons where it is go, go, go and things grab our attention.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Figure out a way Maybe it's a screensaver on your phone that just says redeem your time.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: That might have to be your hashtag there, lauren.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: And just realizing too.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I think as moms, we sometimes think that balance means well, if I work eight hours, then I need to give my kids eight hours, and then those things are balanced out.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: And that's not the reality.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: The reality is there are roles that we play and they all need our attention every day our marriage, our children, our job and it just is that focus.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Like you said, it can be the 10 to 15 minutes and we can wear so much guilt I think, sometimes thinking it has to be so much grander and so fancy when reality, I would never get in a car with you, picking you up somewhere and turn the radio on and zone out.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I would be like Lauren, tell me about your day, tell me about the kids, and I don't know why in our I guess it's just safety of the people that you know it's so easy to just disconnect, even when we're connected in a vehicle, in a place where we can really tune in.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: So I love that you shared that so much, something that I would love for you just to chat on.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know all the details of how it all came to be, but there was a point a couple of years ago where you guys made a decision that you were going to leave the comforts of your home and you were going to pack up your family and go be missionaries in Hawaii.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Just the thought of at that point, I think, did you have four children?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, and I was pregnant with our fifth Pregnant with your fifth, watching you move all your stuff and go over the ocean to Hawaii and take all these kiddos and I've seen you just kind of travel all over.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: We're in summer months.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: What are some things?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Number one I'd love to know just a little bit about that journey and how you got there for that time that it was, and what are just some tips for moms who are maybe coming into this travel season, maybe they're going on vacation.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: How do you navigate traveling with five littles?
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good one.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: So the hard shift that started for us to go man, it started with a little quiet whisper of like just a calling to pull away and to lay down Again.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: It was a thing about priorities and you know, were we going to continue to chase after this American dream where more is never enough?
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: You have a bigger house and you need a bigger house than that.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: You have a bigger paycheck and you need a bigger paycheck than that?
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: It's just like this monster that you feed and it's never satisfied.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: And so it kind of started with that of realizing what are we really chasing after?
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: What are we investing our lives in?
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: What are we pouring all of our time, our efforts, our energy into?
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: What's this goal that we're really ultimately going after?
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: And there was like this still small, quiet whisper to pull away from all of it and that God had something better for us.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: It was a wrestling match, I think.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: When things idols don't come into your life like suddenly, it's subtly, and so it was a very subtle thing that it started slipping into our lives, and so it took a lot of uprooting.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: It was laying down the idol of materialism and of appearances and having to have the biggest and nicest things, and so, for us, we had always felt called to be a city on a hill, a light that cannot be hidden.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: As a family, our kids included.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: Now, I don't think my kids need to go be missionaries at a young age, but where we go one we go all as a family.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: It was the thing that we really prayed and pressed into as a family, and so we went to this discipleship training school, which was a missionary training program, and, as well as going out and being missionaries into that area, it was a very remote area.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: It was about 800 people where we lived, and so we had no access to things, even like groceries.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: It was like hours away to hospitals, groceries.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: So people here in Hawaii they're like, oh my gosh, you're like sipping pina coladas on the beach, but it was.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: We had culture shock, but we went through it as a family and it bonded us.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: That was where I learned so much about the heart, my heart's view of even it came up again of ministry, and I wanted to do all these things for the Lord, because we can get our identity wrapped up in what we do and and that's our identity can be like attached to that and instead of who we are.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: So that time really rooted my identity in who I was and whose I was, more than anything that I was doing and this resume that I could show to other people.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: So it was, instead of me just going out and trying to make God known it was do I know him and am I known by him?
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: And it was a journey we got to go through as a family and it bonded us so much, so it was just an entire experience.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: So even as we travel in general, if we go on different trips, it's something that we're, it's a journey.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: We're going on the good and the bad as a family, and so we would talk about that.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: So like if you're going on a trip just to the beach and something happens, it's like you're going through it as a family, you're creating core memories, and so it doesn't have to be perfect, and I think so many times we think we have to curate this perfect experience, perfect memories, and we're so wrapped up in that.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: But our journey was messy and I can say that there were times that I wanted to quit and I was like I changed my mind.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: We're not selling our house, we're not selling all of our things.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: And our kids saw us in that.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: They saw us wrestling and they saw us ultimately coming out on the other side being obedient to the Lord.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: It makes me cry, but because they're not always going to feel like obeying either, you know.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: And so it's us face to face with them.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: We're not just like hey, like we're going to project this perfect persona to you of us as people.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: It's like no, mommy's really wrestling right now.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: My heart doesn't want to obey the Lord.
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: Nobody's calling us to do.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: And God very clearly showed me like whoever seeks to find his life will lose it.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: And I didn't want to lose my life.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I wanted to hold onto it really tightly.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: And they saw that and I said, guys, pray with me and pray.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: Let's pray together that I'll be willing to do this and that we, your mother and father, will be willing to do this.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: So they saw the real, the raw, and so when they're having these moments of like, I don't really want to obey you.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: They know, like mom and dad understand, they've been there, but ultimately it's like, hey, not my will, but your will be done.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: And so it was.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: It was everything for us to get to walk through that as a family.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: And I would say, in all of our journeys, traveling, going to the beach, going on different vacations we just went on a field trip to Williamsburg and Jamestown this last week it's like was everything perfect?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: No, honestly, the messiest moments make the greatest memory sometimes because you can laugh at it, you look back on what you got through and it bonds you as a family.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: So I would say, in embracing and traveling with little kids, that don't this might sound crazy, but I'm a really anti-screen time person, and so a lot of people they would say like, oh, that's just how you get by with having so many kids.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: But I don't do that.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: I want to bond with them.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I don't want them to be a zombie staring at a screen.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: People marvel at it when we travel, the fact that we're on an airplane for six hours and my kids don't need screen time at all because we're talking, we're having fun together, and so it's not just about having these quiet, quote unquote, perfectly behaved kids that just get from A to B without any hiccups.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, screen time could maybe help accomplish that, but I want to go through the journey with them.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: I want to disciple them along the way and so and that just doesn't really happen with them staring at a screen and zoning out.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: It's us talking, us doing things together, and so I know that it might seem harder and it might even be harder in the very beginning, but ultimately it's so rewarding.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: We went on this road trip and we spent hours in the car.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: We didn't at one time flip down the TV screen in our van and have them watch movies, and they didn't need it.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: We had conversations, we enjoyed things together as a family and we were fully present in the moment.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: So we model that for our kids that we are not on screen time and also we don't use it as a way to just babysit them.
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: A screen is not their babysitter, and I know again, this is like a really this can step on people's toes, but I think so much in our culture just pushes us to shove a screen in front of our kids' faces and I just encourage you to just try it.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: Maybe just try going a week without it and seeing how actually it makes things better.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: And it's not about just preparing the path for your child, and this is a life principle that I've seen.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: I'm not just trying to prepare the path for my child and make everything so easy and curated for them.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: I'm preparing my child for the path, so I'm not going ahead of them and trying to brush aside any rocks and get all this stuff out of the way.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: It's like, hey, we're going to go on this rocky hike together and we're going to go through it together and I'm going to be like, hey, there's that route, step over it, don't trip over it.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: We're preparing your child for the path and you're helping armor them for what's ahead of them.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: And I think so many people they try to just make everything so easy for their kids that ultimately then, when real life hits, they don't know how to handle it.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: And so I'm trying to, in small ways, even as a child, walk through all these things with them so that they're better able to handle it when they're older.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: And I know that's probably like wow, that's not what I was expecting in an enjoying vacations talk.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: But how you do some things is how you do all things Like.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: How you do vacations together is how you'll handle a lot of life situations.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Do you just disengage and zone out so that you don't have to deal with the reality of what's in front of you, or do you fully embrace what's in front of you and talk through it and work through it together?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: Because do you just get through a five hour car ride, six hour car ride with your kids, and just like zone out and that's your way of handling it, or do you just embrace it, that you're like, wow, this is a five-hour adventure that we're going to get to walk through together.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: We're going to have to be creative.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: You might get the B word bored, but we're going to get through this.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody else was just saying to me that someone commented man, you do parenting the hard way, and she was like, yeah, I do.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: And that's the first thing I think, right, like there are things we have so much at our disposal these days that there are a lot of things that can make our job easy.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: And we're just looking at easy and hard.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, technology has made a lot of that kind of stuff easy.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: But then when you disconnect and you say, but what am I missing in exchange for easy, even for me I would say I'm anti-screen.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: And when we again different ages my kids are high school and young adults but even to just think about practicing that in a car trip, just the time that you get back, I think it's so beautiful, lauren, and I think I would love to kind of just segue a little bit off of that, because you know again, sometimes these interviews go in ways that we didn't have in our notes.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: But I think that it's important things to talk about, because I think a lot of people are going to listen to that and they're going to say I don't have the energy for it, I'm exhausted for it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: But one thing that you said was we have to model it.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: So you and Kyle are modeling that.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: What are things that you have done in your own life to protect you not being sucked in to technology and what could you say to other people?
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I think in our home it's probably one of the biggest battles on balancing that, especially as kids are getting older.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Your kids don't have the friend dynamic, although I'm sure the 11 year old is noticing that her friends are starting to have maybe cell phones and stuff.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: But how do you just prioritize that in your life to not get sucked in?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's so good.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Well, I had been telling you earlier, nikki, that I do things differently now than I did when I first was parenting right, and so I kind of get to have the benefit of I might be parenting my younger kids differently than I did my older kids.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: We watched a lot more TV with my older kids than we do now with our younger children, because it wasn't something that I was really aware of.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: I didn't have that perspective of why of doing that and that was just a common thing.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: It's like, hey, you need some time, just pop the TV on, sit your kids in front of it, and I was definitely not the kind of parent that would just have the TV on in the background 24 seven.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: I know there are some people that do that and we could go into the studies I've read about how that leads to attention deficit and all the things, how it changes their brain chemistry.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: But when I really started studying that stuff I thought, wow, okay, I don't want that.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I don't want to have noise, the constant background in my home.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: I wanted quiet and peace and calm to be the tone in our home, and so TV just didn't lend to that.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: So I took a hard look at.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, even if we're just watching a small amount of TV every day.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: It altered my kids behavior.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: I started shifting and then I realized I was like, well, I model it, so am I going to continue watching TV?
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Some of that stuff came through with motivation for my business.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: They would say no TV till, you know, and they had this little rhyme about a promotion or business.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, yeah, I'll not watch TV so that I can devote that time to my business.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: But really I just realized I was like what is it giving back to me?
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: And it's kind of nodding back to the redeeming the time.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: We can do several things with our time.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: We can waste it and truly I believe watching TV is absolutely wasting our time and a lot of scrolling on social media is just absolutely wasting our time and a lot of scrolling on social media is just absolutely wasting our time.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: We can trade our time and we could go into the things about what trading our time looks like, or we could invest our time and I think why you guys are here and why you're listening to this podcast is because you want to invest your time into your children, and so if you could look at just the bare bones, minimum, like when you're watching TV.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: You're literally just wasting your time and you're not investing it, which is the greater thing that you could be doing.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: Again, it's probably not popular, probably not the thing, but my kids don't see me vegging out at the end of the day watching TV.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Was I perfect at it before?
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: Did I have to have a realization of how much time I spent on my phone?
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, because it can suck you in and you don't realize it.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: But I got to a place where I said I'm going to create boundaries for myself.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: People don't like boundaries, right, but I had to create boundaries for myself.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: That I would literally set my phone down, plug it in and walk away from it for hours.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: That I wasn't just obsessively checking my phone while I was spending time with my children, while I was spending time with my husband.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: My phone wasn't out on date night.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: My phone isn't out on coffee dates with my friends.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Whoever is in front of me physically is way more important than whatever ding or notification is going on on my phone, because what that relays to them, when your eyes even are just diverting down to a phone screen, is that you're not as important as whatever is going on on my phone.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: So, really, anybody who texts me, any little notification that pops up, that's more important than you.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: We may not think that we're telling our kids that what really we are, because we're just allowing ourselves to say I care about what you say, but not as much as this, and so I wanted them to know how much I truly valued and loved them.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: You deserve my full attention.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: You deserve all of my time right now, not distracted.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: All of me, and that is relayed by my eyes and my body language by my eyes and my body language.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: And so it started with disciplining myself.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: So what do we model as parents?
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: Are we staring at a phone but then telling our kids that they need to limit their screen time?
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: I was like I'm not going to walk that line of being a hypocrite and tell my kids that they can't do something that I myself am doing.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: That's how I walked through it.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: So I watch TV, maybe I'll watch a show or a movie, maybe every couple of weeks.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I don't value it.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: I don't ever think I just want to waste my time right now, and there's so many other things that I could do I just don't have time for it in my life and the things that I value and prioritize.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: You mentioned the three ways that we can use our time the waste, the trade and the invest.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: You gave obvious examples of wasting.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: I just know that, because I'm wanting more from that.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: That.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I know our listeners are going to want that as well.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: So wasting would be things where there's just no return on that investment.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: No return on your investment At all.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: So it's just wasted.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: What would you put into the trading time category?
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Give me some practical examples of that.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: I would say going to work.
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: We've got to go earn an income.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: So when you go to work, you clock in, you work for this many hours, you're contracted to get that much pay for that many hours.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: That's a really equal trade there for your time.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: So you're trading your time.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: For that money.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: You could other relational type things.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: I believe in relationships it's always an investment.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: So when you're relationally investing in people, I would say, who are equally engaged so if I'm discipling, I meet with a few different girls on a weekly and monthly basis who I disciple they are engaged and they want to be.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: They want to be discipled, so they're hungry to receive it that's investing.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Nikki, what you're doing with this podcast, you're investing in these people trading.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: There's not as many things that I spend my time trading as I do investing almost all of my time.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, cooking cooking is trading time, right, doing laundry, it's trading time.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: Those kind of chores we have to do them.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: It's like those non negotiables we have to take showers.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: So those types of like chores type things.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: That's trading your time.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Anything that's like relational that's spent pouring into people, I believe that's truly an investment of your time and so do we have to do things that are trading your time Absolutely.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: We have to have our jobs, we have to get the chores done, but any of those face-to-face time with people I believe is investing.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's really good and I think even just for a mom who maybe feels burnt out.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I've never heard it.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Maybe I have, it hasn't resonated with me.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you hear something and it really grabs you.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: This is a really good North Star for people to come back to.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: To kind of come back to this If you're feeling totally overwhelmed, if you're feeling like every time that you are with your family you're checking out, it might be because when you spend so much of your time in the wasting and the trading, I think it totally depletes you and then you come back when you don't have anything to give.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: And so I think this is even just a really good litmus test to run our day through, myself included, looking at what I do, how do I spend my time and where does it fall in these categories.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: And then looking at our children and how we allow because we are.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: We're talking about the disciplining stages.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: How are we allowing our kids Because we are the keeper of their time.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: The older they get, the more you know we're going to go into the next stages of after discipline.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Then it's teaching and training, and then it's coaching, and then it's friendship.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: I have a lot less control over my kids' time in the coaching and the friendship stages, and so how are we delegating our children's time in this waste trade and invest.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: And that's a powerful mind switch when you realize that you're the keeper of the time that your kids have and we kind of get to dictate how that is spent, both in our own lives and in theirs.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I think that's really, really powerful.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Lauren, thank you so much for sharing that.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: Another thing I want to ask you is just having five kids.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I'm one of five.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: We had five girls, so you have a little different dynamic with the boys and the girls, but being a homeschool mom, having those kiddos home all day, not really being on electronics, what do you do to foster friendship and relationship amongst your children so that it's not not that there's not bickering and there's not arguing, but how do you navigate working towards those five humans really loving, honoring and respecting one another?
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, again, it's going to make me cry.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: This is one of my favorite things.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: It's so much in our heart for each other and because it's out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, and so I really carefully tend to the heart, the garden, the soil of my kids' heart, because when the soil of their heart is good and they're receiving good seed, they're going to have good fruit come from it.
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: So we don't say things like these cliche things that they say in culture, like, well, brothers are just annoying, like that's just what they're going to do, no, like I have heard other people say that and they're like, yeah, well, brothers are like that's just what brothers do, they're just annoying.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: Or that's just what sisters are made for.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: To bother you, we don't say those things in our home and I nip it in the bud because it is not the atmosphere in our home.
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: We're a team and God gave us to one another for, yes, for refinement, but it's not like this abrasive refinement, unless it has to be, unless, unless it gets to that point.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: It's like your heart can be tender and realize why am I getting frustrated with my sister, why is my heart getting frustrated with her?
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: And we have those talks.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: We've had those talks at our table.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: It's like, hey, what's the biggest thing that you're wrestling with my 11 year old?
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: She had just this sweet tender moment where she just thought I've noticed that I've been getting really frustrated with my sister, like really easily.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: So we just sat on that for a minute and we're like, okay, how does that feel?
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: And she's like I don't like being frustrated with her.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Like you know, she honestly to me I'm like she's your God-given best friend for life and so you don't want to look back on memories that you constantly were butting heads, right, I know that.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: So I'm in that language that she can understand.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, well, what do you believe?
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: If you give away that frustration to the Lord, what does he want to give you in return?
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: And she's like self-control and so like a heart of compassion for her sister.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: So we got to watch our words, because our words matter and our words sow seeds into our kids' life.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: So how I speak about their siblings is going to sow seeds into their heart, which then bears fruit in their life of what they say about their siblings, how they feel towards their siblings.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: So I don't view my children as annoying and I don't speak that over them, I don't speak those different things.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: We are a team and we get through things together and everybody has a role to play and we all help out with chores in our own way that we can and we band together and when one person is struggling and maybe they're lagging behind, we say, hey, how can we help you?
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: So my kids start folding laundry at a young age and it looks not great at the beginning and then they get really good at it.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: Honestly, by the time they're five because they've had a lot of practice.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: So this was something that was taught in our school and they said if you want to go fast, go alone.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: And I think we are in a culture where we want to go fast.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Everybody values speed and instant gratification and we're just like that racehorse mentality.
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: But they said if you want to go far, go together.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: And so we're going together as a family, and so we may not be the fastest, we may not get everywhere early or on time all the time, but we get there in peace and loving one another, and that's what I value more than anything else.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: So throughout the day I give them pockets of time where they get to go and have time to themselves Everybody wants that and just to get to sit and have quiet play.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: But we, I can say truly and honestly, I don't break up brawls a lot, because if you're having to break up brawls, that's fruit fighting and contention that's fruit.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: If you don't like the fruit, you have to examine the root.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: The root didn't get there on its own.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: What was the?
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Where did the seed come from that planted that tree that had?
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: Where did the seed come from that planted that tree that's bearing that bad fruit in your family?
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: And so I really had to go back to saying God, teach me how to have and cultivate an atmosphere of peace and joy within my home.
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: And he was, like it starts in your own heart me being in the word and speaking the word.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: God's word over my home, over my children.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: So even in those moments when I was getting frustrated, I was speaking the word over them and not lashing out in anger or saying you're being naughty or la-da-da, like all these things that we can really like.
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: React in, and we're in a culture of reacting.
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: And so we had a weekly check-in with our discipleship program where they said what was your worst moment this week really, what was your most challenging moment really?
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: And you're like, ooh, like you don't really like looking back on those moments.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: But they said did you react to that moment or did you respond?
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: And so maybe asking yourself as a parent, like doing a little weekly check-in are you a reactive parent or you're a responsive parent, that you're not just this react or reacting to what's going on in the home, cause they don't need that.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: Children are natural reactors when they're young and so when you're in this disciplining phase, you're I call it the discipling to phase disciplining, discipling.
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: We're always discipling our kids.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: They don't need us to react because they react.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: That's natural.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: That's the kids.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: You take their toy, they cry, and so they need to see us modeling, responding.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: So we're not off the cuff, just letting idle words spew out of our mouth.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: We're not in anger, yelling at them and then telling them not to yell out of anger.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: We know this saying more is caught than is taught.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: So much of parenting is refining, because it all comes back to me.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: I have had to do such a hard work because my kids are reflectors.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: They are reflecting so many times that my own heart and the condition of my own heart, because that's, that's what they do.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: They are like a mirror where I look at myself and I'm saying things to them and it's like it bounces right back to me and it's like, oh, wow, that's me, I'm I'm struggling with that right now too.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: That would be one of the biggest things that I would say is being a responder and taking a moment and praying and asking okay, lord, how would you have me to respond in this situation?
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: So how does that cultivate home?
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: It literally all goes back to the heart.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: The norm in our home is peace, and if it's not, then I'm just like Ooh, that's a little indicator for me that we need to do a little checkup.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: And what's disrupting the peace in our home?
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: And why are there constant feuds breaking out?
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: And so if you feel like you're somebody who's just constantly breaking up fights and you don't like that fruit, go to the root and ask yourself and maybe sit with the Lord and say God, where's this coming from?
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: He'll tell you, he'll show you so good.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you for just being transparent in that and I think everything that you're saying, lauren, it goes back to and then I had to do the work.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: It absolutely is it's harder, right?
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: You said that.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we can't just tell our kids.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: This is where I want things to change in our home and have it be a change from them down.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: It has to start with us and I think so much of the theme of what you've talked about, just with our innate desire to be selfish and the how do I get further?
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: And going faster, and just all of the concepts, how they tie together of really slowing down, examining our own heart, looking at where the root, what is the tree?
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: If the fruit is bad, the tree is bad.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: There are just so many things.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: So, in wrapping this up, if there is a mom who's listening who maybe feels like, shoot, I've done a lot of reacting and now I'm seeing all of these bad fruits in my family, in my marriage, in my kids, in myself, what would be a word of encouragement to that mom that maybe is at the same stage as you are with these kids that are 11 and younger?
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's somebody who even has kids in high school and they feel like my window of opportunity is gone.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: What would be just a word of encouragement that you would offer to somebody who feels maybe a little bit overwhelmed and discouraged?
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Wow, humility.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: So I believe humility is so attractive to other people's hearts.
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: It's attractive to God's heart.
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: He resists the proud but he gives grace to the humble.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: And your kids will resist you when you're proud, but they'll give grace to you when you're humble.
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: So I would say that I have moments where I'm like, hey guys, like mommy, really messed up and you can say that to your you know teenage kids, to your young children, and have a moment where it's like I'm really examining these things and I realize that a lot of this comes from me.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: So I wanted to ask your forgiveness and ask for your grace as I'm walking through this and I realize that a lot of this comes from me.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: So I wanted to ask your forgiveness and ask for your grace as I'm walking through this and I'm trying to learn how to parent you differently, but really how to do life differently and how to walk through these things.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: So having that honest conversation with them because we've not all arrived and something that I say as a homeschool mom is I'm the chief learner in our home.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: So it's not like, hey, I'm the know-it-all and I'm going to teach you something I'm still learning.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: I'm having to relearn concepts that I didn't learn right the first time.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: So guess like you've never parented the children at your age and stage before.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: So we need grace in that.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: And so so many times we try to put up this front that we're perfect and we think that that's going to make our kids respond to us because we have it all figured out and we're perfect, and it's really not.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: It actually is going to build up walls and make us seem more unapproachable.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: But when you're humble and you're saying, hey guys, I'm the chief learner in our home and it's okay to sometimes say I don't know, let's go find the answers together.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: So I would just say you can always return to that and just having a heart-to-heart conversation with your kids in humility and saying like I blew it, I messed up in X, y, z, and meeting them wherever they're at in their stage, like if they're two, they're probably going to be looking at you, like well, you know, probably don't have to do that, but just if they're 12, 18, and you're like, I've recognized these patterns of things that I've done and I would just like to ask your forgiveness.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: Will you forgive me and give me grace as I try to walk through this in a different way, and you'll be surprised at how willing they are to give you grace as you walk through that because they don't want to see you fail.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: I love it, lauren, so good, and typically we end with kind of some of these fun rapid fire questions, but I just feel like you have given us so much just to sit in.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: I might have to bribe you to come back and do a podcast episode two, maybe for the next stage, which is the training and teaching, where I think we could have an entire conversation just about homeschool, and I think you really exhibit just what I see in you is consistency and discipline and willingness to lay your life down in a way that is a struggle for a lot of us and just I think you growing to that we can all learn so much from.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: So I really feel like, if you'll agree to it, I feel like there could be a part two, homeschool edition, because you've given us so much and even being a mom who has a 22 and 18 year old and a 15 year old, I'm like, ooh, I could take some some awesome notes from you.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: And just for the listeners, lauren said to me when we were starting.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: She said I don't know, I'm kind of nervous to give any advice because in 10 years I might be like, well, I take that back right, because we all do that in our parenting, where you're like we thought we had it spot on.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: But what I can tell you, lauren, is I don't think anything you've said you're going to say I need to take that back, because you talked about character qualities.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: You didn't talk about fads and trend.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: I can see you getting emotional.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Parenting is not for the faint of heart and it really is this dying to self.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: And just listening to you, I'm so encouraged by just the deflecting of the norm.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: We are not just going to be what the culture says that we're supposed to be, and so, if you're listening to this, I want you to be encouraged.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: I know that Lauren would never want anybody to be discouraged and feel like, shoot, I missed the mark.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: But it is so awesome to have an example of somebody who said no, I'm going to do really hard work, I'm going to die to self, I'm going to be consistent, I'm going to fight for family.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: Where one goes, we all go.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: Just the things that you said, the themes, I just think are such a beautiful example.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: I'm just grateful for you being an example for all of us and you will be back for part two.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: I saw you nod your head, so it's going to happen.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: I said, yes, absolutely, lauren.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: Anything else, real quick, before we sign off, that you want to, that you want to leave here at the end, quick thing that kept coming into my mind as you were talking, nikki, about that that disciplining stage is.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: It was a key piece of advice that I received.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: It was called Parenting that Sticks.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: It was a course that I actually ended up working the nursery for this conference, and so I didn't get to sit in on any of it, but I asked the people coming out of it.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: I said, okay, I didn't get to listen to it.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: What's your biggest takeaway from it?
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: And some people share this with me and I think it's one of my biggest takeaways in parenting, so I wanted to share this in this disciplining phase.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: When children are young, it's called the parenting funnel, and so many times we want to do the parenting funnel in reverse.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: So I wish you could see my hands.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: I'm putting my hands in a funnel right now and oftentimes, when kids are tiny and they're so cute, we're just like oh, they're so cute, like they didn't really mean this, or we see these like behavioral things.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: We just really let it go because we chalk it up to.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: They don't understand, they're too young and we don't give them clear boundaries.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: And when they get older, they want to express their freedoms more.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: We try to tighten down because we haven't taught them clear boundaries and so we try to kind of clamp down on our kids and it's against their the natural process, and so they showed that it's a recipe for rebellion.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: When we start off giving our kids tons of freedoms, they get away with everything because they're just so cute.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: And I'm telling you, my kids are so cute and I kiss their faces off every day.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: But I do give clear boundaries for them because it's for their good and it's this parenting that has stuck.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: So this principle has really helped me because then, whenever they're teenagers and they're going off the rails, that's whenever you're like you're grounded left and right and you're taking away the phones and you're taking away the stuff Well then they want to buck against you because you've never been consistent before.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: Why now you let me get away with stuff left and right before, but now that they're a teenager and you're kind of panicking because you're seeing the fruit of your lack of boundaries, you're trying to finally put boundaries in place and they don't understand.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: So my biggest piece of advice on that would be to be consistent, to establish clear boundaries of what's acceptable within your home, what's acceptable within behavior, and really stick to it, even when you don't feel like it when they're young and then give them increasing freedoms as they show themselves responsible, because that's the natural launch into adulthood.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't be clamping down on them right before you just release them.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: It doesn't make sense.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: But that's so much of what our culture does, because we're not thinking in the long term of what, of what can happen from what we're doing.
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: And so that parenting funnel if you want to look it up, it's parenting that sticks the parenting funnel.
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: And really think about your parenting in these early years in that way that whenever it's not really it's, you're not going to really it doesn't feel like it.
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: You don't really feel like like, why do I need to give my little clear boundaries right now and be super consistent.
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: You'll see the fruit of it maybe eight years from now.
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: But, like Nikki was saying, and something I was nodding to earlier, oftentimes the hard things are the most worthwhile things and you'll be thanking yourself for it later.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: And it's the little things that you could just let it go now.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: Let it go now.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: Let it go now.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: But it has a compound effect in their lives and in your life, and so you could either be thanking yourself for the positive compound effect or really being having that regret, and I don't, I don't want the pain of regret in my life and parenting and marriage and any of those things.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: So I just wanted to make sure that I mentioned that, because you are talking about this stage and it is really important in this stage of clear boundaries.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: It goes right into what this whole series is about is we try to be our kid's friend when they're little, and then we get to the end and we're like, oh shoot, they're not disciplined and it doesn't work out of order.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: It does not work with.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: Just the way that God has wired us for freedom the older we get, totally right in line with what we're talking about.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: So thank you so much for sharing that.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: Well, friends, you heard Lauren agree to come back, so I'm just going to say it right now.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: This is part one of a two-part series and we'll talk maybe all things homeschool and just that journey.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe we can hit that in July when we're talking about that age kid.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: So, friends, thanks so much for being here and just for being willing to listen.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know how you couldn't take away some things, whether it's just looking at how you're spending, trading or investing your time.
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's looking at the fruit coming out of your own life.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: I know that can be a hard examine, but if you listen to these podcasts and then you go and do nothing, I believe that you've wasted your time, and so, if you really want to use this time as an investment, take the things that we're able to hear from others life principles and disciplines.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: We can all learn from one another, and we can get better when we learn from others.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: So, lauren, I am just so, so grateful for you being here.
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: Friends, if you are enjoying this show, we ask that you would go rate, give us that five-star rating, and that is how other moms, dads, families who are working to cultivate families that are healthy and thriving will find this podcast.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends take care.