Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Lisa Lisa on Hot Flashes, Caring for Her Mom Through Alzheimer's & Big Dreams at 60

Transcript

Lisa Lisa on Hot Flashes, Caring for Her Mom Through Alzheimer's & Big Dreams at 60 · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Remember those anthems you had as a young person, and
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: you would sing them at the top of your long
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: during a makeup, a breakup, or anything else in between,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: and then you kind of believe that.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Those anthems were written just for you. Well, what happens.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: When decades later, the person who sang and wrote those
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: anthems are sitting in front of you as your guest,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: You cry like I did today. I cannot wait to
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: share my guests with you. We're going to talk about
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: everything from dreams still in the queue, to zen and
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: the art of folding clothes, to caring for a parent
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: with Alzheimer's On How Hard Can It Be? Welcome to
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: another episode of How Hard Can It Be? I'm your host,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Diana Marie Riva, and we are here navigating midlife's most
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: fantastic bullshit. And if you tell me you don't know
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: what you're talking about, you're lying. She's laughing because she
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: knows what I'm talking about. But here's the best part.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: If you had told me back in nineteen eighty eight.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: I know, I know, I know.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: When I was on my way to Timberwolf, my hair
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: and my girlfriends was touching the Lord and I had
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: my little mini skirts, my elf boots, and my wrap
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: my you know, my my chain belt that wrapped around
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: my waist four times. If you had told me on
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: the way to see this woman in concert that night,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: that fish years later, I'd be sitting across from her
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: in my podcast and have the honor of calling her friend.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I would have been like, you.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Are lying to me, don't torture me yet. Here she is, Lisa, Lisa.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: We can all plot.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: There's more. People get so sweet.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I love you.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I remember about two years ago. I was in the
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: parking lot of getting ready to go into a gym
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: or something, and I wonder if I'd take you home.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Came on and I just sat there and recorded myself
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: singing it, posted it, tag you you reposted it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I lost my shit. I lost my shit like a
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: twenty year old or something. I'm like, look. And then
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: a mutual friend of ours, actress Lisa Vidad. Yes, my girl,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: you're a girl. The two of you go so way back.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, she said, I had kept I saw her going
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: to your concerts repeatedly in LA I'm like, Lisa, if
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: you don't take me to the next concert, I will
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: never speak to you again. And she did and we
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: met and it was a love fest and you're here.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. She's so humble too, and so sweet.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I am obviously a big fan of you as a performer,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: as an artist, as a creative. But I am also
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a fan of you as a woman, and I've seen
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: what you have done as a fan, but then now
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: getting to know you as a friend and as a woman,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I'm marvel at what you've accomplished. And this is what
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I wanted to have you on to talk about. So
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: with all that you have accomplished in life, I do
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: like to do this little icebreaker called oh shit?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Okay, is this midlife? So you have what was your
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: oh shit? Is this midlife moment?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Like the example I used you know all the time
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: is my eyebrows are falling out, but my chin hairs
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: are coming in hot.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: It can be glorious things like that, or my old
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: shit moment.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Is just standing in like four degree weather and dripping
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: in sweat. Yeap, and Tony calls me a hot pocket.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: I'm a hot box. I am always high y.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Is this I don't know. It's a phenomenon.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Gina Torres once said that who's the motherfucker that decided
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: to call a hot flash the flash after a superhero?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: She's like, it's ours, don't give it your name. Hello,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I never thought of it that way. Now she's ruined
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: it for me because I'm oh, yeah, no, I'm angry
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: even more.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: You know, but that this heat, I can't take it.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: I can't take it. I'm everywhere and I get yelled
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: at because I drip. Yeah, I'm ripping and I can't
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: stand it. And I'm like, where is it coming from?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know it's coming from God, and I think
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: that there's or hell.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Not sure. But I always say that if you want
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: to survive in a room with.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Me, then just let me. Let me just lower the
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: temperature I need to. And my poor guy will sleep
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: with a hoodie hood up whatever.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: He's freezing. I'm like, yeah, they you sleeping next to me,
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: so we're okay, right? Oh yeah, yeah, I always have it.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: My temperature at home is always at sixty two.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, Tony's like, she gets mad at me.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: Will be away on tour. We'll get in the car
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: and I'm suffocating. I'm dying. I can't breathe, and she's like,
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: you're crazy, something's wrong with you. I'm men a pausing,
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: that's what the hell do you want me to go?
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I'm hot now, I'm hot. I am too.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: This is a wool hat on my head three hundred
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: and sixty five days a year. No, I think it
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: looks good, but you know, I'm like dripping all the
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: way down. That's why I napping in everything so I
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: could capture I walk around with the you know, my
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: my my partner. One of the sexiest things he ever
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: did to me. He's like, I bought you a tour and.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, and it was a motorized fan. He's like,
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: take this.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: I have one two in my bag and I'm not
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: allowed to hold it. No, look at that woman.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: You have people hold it for you.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: You won't let me hold it.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, just carry and just like everybody, just hold it
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: She won't let me hold on she will. She's like,
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: you don't need that, it's in your house. Okay.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: You're one of ten? I was, yes, And where were
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: you in that lineup?
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: I'm the youngest, wow.
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: Wow?
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: And and how many girls? How many boys?
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: Seven girls?
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: Wow?
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: And three guys?
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Wow. Mother's a hero.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: I love you, mommy, your soul. She did the thing.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: She did the damn thing. I don't know how she
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: did it. And I remember there was a couple of
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: times that my mom passed from Alzheimer's, and there were
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: a couple of times where she would come back and
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: she would tell me if I could have more kids,
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: the motto, I'm.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Like, that's the Alzheimer talking.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: It was because oh hailed, that's what I think she forgot.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: She forgot the labor ten times. She was just an angel.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: Well, she was the neighborhood babysitter. Everybody raised in the
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Hill's kitchen knew my MoMA.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: What whatred they call mot It's just old mommy.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: I can yeah.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: And let me ask you, in a family of ten,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: being the youngest of seven of ten, seven girls, and
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: your mom doing the thing raising all of you and
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: the neighborhood apparently, did she ever discuss midlife? Did you
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: ever see her go through menopause? Did you ever see it? No?
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: You know what, they didn't.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: They didn't talk about anything. They didn't talk about any.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: My mother brags about it. She's like, I didn't even
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: notice that I had it. It just came and went
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: and my doctor told me, I'm like, quit bragging as
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like sweating here. She's like whatever, No, I'm fine.
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: Did your mother I never disgusted you.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Were calling back.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Do you ever see like that was most likely her
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: going through perimenopause or MENOPAUSEA, No, nothing.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: Not all my sisters. Yeah, y, my old sister, she
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: would she'd go through it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: And the sweating, the change and the attitude she multis
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: were crazy with her, girl, But I love her.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: And the fact that you you did grow up in
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: the in the business.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: You were young when you launched, and you were huge,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: and I watched I was watching the Sherry Shepherd Show
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: and I saw you on it, and I heard you
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: talking about how your whole hair to the side and
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: bandanna thing was an accident. But do you know we
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: were all replicated.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: You found an image and you stuck to it and
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: it became iconic.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: Though well, you know, being the youngest of ten and
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: my only mother, you know, we didn't have the money
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: to do the things, you know, so we to cut
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: our own hair, and that accident, I guess came a handy.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: And I remember being on a stage and looking at
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: the girls in the front row to my left, and
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: they all had the haircut, and they all they all
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: had the pink head band, and I'm like, you know,
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was so beautiful.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: And you know, I was in college. I was like
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: a freshman in college, singing your anthems. And as I
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: was an I was awkward and I wasn't. I was
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: awkward because I couldn't figure out this hair. First of all,
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: in my youth, everybody was feathering it, because that's how
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: the fier foes the fair foxter. I couldn't feather the shit.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: It's not we didn't have the tools that everybody else,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: you know that did later in life. So when I
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: would feather my hair, it would be like this right,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: And I'd walk in a room and it.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Was this why because I couldn't.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: And when you broke out on the scene and your
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: hair was curl and it is that you resembled more
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: of me. And so when I saw you, I'm like,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I am the shit because I have this hair that
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I was born with and now you all want it
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: because she's wearing it.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: I already have it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Like there was a representation there that I didn't know
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: was representation. I just felt I'm not I'm unique, and
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I'm in good company and.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: That's what you have to accept. And it took me
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: a long time to accept that. And you know, I
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: really didn't focus on any of that back then. But
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: then as I started hearing it from my peers and
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: people that I worked with, you know, oh, this and that,
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: and they were trying to change all of that, and
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, no, I go to the thrift
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: stores and I buy my clothes and I had to
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: cut my own hair, and that's how I'm going to
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: be well.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: They say the gen X women are the regents of resourcefulness,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: and we are, and you have been because you broke
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: out onto the scene. As you know, it's always a
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: male dominated world. The music industry is always male dominated.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: And then you're the youngest of ten, so you're what
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: do you a scrapper? You know, you're like a nactual scrapper,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: and so what what do you feel you gained in
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: those in those formidable years of your career that have
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: served you so well now? Because I do think we
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: can get to this stage of life midlife we forget
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: or we've been conditioned, or we've been living a routine
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: for so long. What do you think you got from
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: these forty years plus of success that brought you to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: this chapter And you've got it all together and still
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: doing it and creating even more.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: That it's okay to not have it altogether.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Oh, love and learn.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: And I'm still learning. And I was able to meet
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: my best friend, my confidant, my manager, my girl Tony
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: and learn, you know, because I was always afraid. I
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: never spoke, I never accepted, because that's how I was raised.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: You know, you don't speak on those being in that
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: era and with the boys Club, I was never allowed
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: to speak on anything, you know, and it was about
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: get to work, you know, so as I you know,
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: in that lifestyle, you know, meeting the one person that
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: opened my eyes and opened my ears and was talking
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: in that ear saying it's okay to say no, to
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: stand in your worth. That's what got me where I
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: am now.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, And that comes out of you with real quiet
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: confidence because no matter when when and I see you
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: on stage, you own it. But you own it with
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: such peacefulness. You're not shoving yourself in people's faces. You're
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: just sharing your art that you are so joyously wanting
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: to do and we receive that and here as you
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: sit here, it's the same thing. There's such a quiet confidence.
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: Do you.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Give yourself grace when you feel you haven't met a
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: certain achievement or goal or you know, didn't get the things.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Done in a day that you wanted to get.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I try to, Yeah, I really do try to, because
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: how do I explain it? Like sometimes and she's always
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: lifting my head, you know, be in it, Lisa and
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: accept it. You're there, and like I don't get it,
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: and if I don't meet it, I'm hard on myself.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: And she's like, go to sleep, lay your head down
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: knowing that you did the thing.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: It took me a while to learn that. Yeah.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I think it's an ongoing process.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: It always will be, always will be. And I'm the
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: kind of person that I like to absorb. I like
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: to learn, and I'm going to keep learning because I
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: don't I personally don't feel that I'll ever reach everything
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: that I want to do and my perfect I don't
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: know if I'll ever reach my perfect. I just want
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: to continue striving for that because that's my joy.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: And I want to I would ask this question that
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: the end, but I'll ask it now because I ask
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: actors of which you are. You've been on Broadway, You've
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: been on television, you had a lifetime film come out
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: just in the last year based on your life and
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: you so you you're producing, your acting, you're creating your
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: You're you're still singing.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Obviously. I always say people will ask what's your dream role,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: and I'd say, my dream role is to be on
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: a horse with a sword. Oh, tearn shit up, Like
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, dragon is okay, if it's a dragon, I'll
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: do that. And you think, I'm like, I I this
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: is what I want and like because I know I
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: have that power. When I want to see Wonder Woman
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: the first time, I'm like, I'm these Amazon women right
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: here right, I am, I can do this shit, Robin right,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this is my dream role. I want to
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: spling that also, I want someone to put me in
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: training for like a year and a half. But whatever,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: what is your dream thing that you you haven't done
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and you haven't tried yet that you want to do Broadway?
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: My story on Broadway? That is my dream role. I
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: want to take my story and bring it to Broadway.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: That's Okay, this is happening. It's happening.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you, from your mouth to God's ears.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: That is my goal. I want to bring this story
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: to Broadway, because Broadway hell's kitchen. Oh my god, I'm
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: born and raised, I'm still here. Mm hmmm, that's what
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: I want.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: There is such a beautiful story in there. And and
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: how then do you approach something that seems so massive?
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: How do you begin taking a step forward? Because there's
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of things. This is what I say about
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: women in midlife forties over to through sixties and whatnot.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Society tells us one thing, you know, and society's outtake
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: is you're on the downhill slide. And yet we have
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: never been busier in our lives in this chapter. We
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: are not retired. We're still doing our things. We still
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: have children dependent on us.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: You have. I just met your youngest son last night. Yes,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I'm adorable.
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: Thank you?
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: You like you are you? You're still mama present every day?
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, my kid is my best accomplishment.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: It is a gift. And yet you still have these
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: big dreams. And and what do you do when you
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: see something in your life that you really really want?
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Do you hear the clock or do you start just
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: taking one step?
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: What do you do?
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: What little actions do you do to make it manifest?
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: I am a true believer that if there's something you
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: want again, I'm a hustler, I'm a scrap yes, yes,
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: I have a great team that when I see something
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: that I want, they make it happen. Yeah, Tony is
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: the kind of person that you want. What I said it,
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: We're going to make it happen. She has to fight together.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Thank you God for Tony. She really has helped me
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: see all that. You know again, I'm a true believe
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: with that if there's something that you want, you make
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: it happen. You just go for it. And my kids
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: know that about me. My kids know that about me,
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: and they know that when I got to go, I
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: gotta go. I love you baby.
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: Bye. Yeah.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I mean this was your mother as well. If your
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: mother gave you that it can happen, it can we can.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I can raise ten children.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: She raised ten kids by myself. Yeah, and everything that
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: she went through, that woman found a way of smiling
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: and saying I love you and get to it. If
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: this is what you want, make it happen. Yeah.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: My mother was that way too, she she she would. Yeah,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time I hadn't. I was applying
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: for colleges to study theater, and I remember saying, I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: don't think I take rejection, while my mom said.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: Well, then you're not gonna make again. And I didn't.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: I wasn't even listening to myself when I said that.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: She was like like, figure this out, or you know
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: this is this The reality is for mothers to be
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: of that generation, whether they pursued their own personal dreams
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: or not. My mom pursued her dream of becoming an
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: aterior designer well after we were all in school. And
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: I remember coming going to bed at night. I was
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: in high school, and she was doing her homework and
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: then coming down for breakfast the next morning, and she
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: was just coming up from the basement from doing her homework.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: She got her degree and she opened her little firm
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: and did her thing, and it was a great thing.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my mom, I'm telling you that I was in
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: I remember being in kindergarten in that classroom at PS
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: twenty eleven, and she was next door learning English, learning English, Yes,
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: love learning English. She was like, I gotta do this,
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: I gotta do this heavy accident and everything still to
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: the day she died, she learned and she learned, So
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: I think it's in her blood. Yeah, we as latinas
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: by y'all, as.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Women, but we don't know. We'll find out, we'll figure out,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: we'll learn how to do it.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: We'll find somebody who knows.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and and and then are you taking active steps
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: to see that come to fruition?
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: I I am good. I have Tony going out there
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: and scouting it out good, you know, and she's let
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: me tell you, she will knock a blow down.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: I don't doubt that for a second, like I don't
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: doubt to Tony.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: I talked a lot about that, but I'm telling you
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: she's a.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Powers Yeah, but you need that in your life.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: You need the team, whether the and the yang, you know,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: the front of the car, of the back of the car, whatever,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: as long as the car is moving in the right direction.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, And it's good.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I ask you that because I want other women who
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: are thinking, I've always wanted to do this, and I
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: hear a clock, I've always wanted to sell a series
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: with me as the lead. That I feel I've earned it,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm I'm it's it's waiting for me,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: and I got so far as to I sold a
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: script to NBC this year. It went all the way
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: to the top and then it didn't get picked up. Now,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: for that crushed me in that I felt the year
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and a half it took to build, ghost pitching and sell.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, now it's going to take me another year
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: and a half, and it's not necessarily going to take
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: me another year and a half and some My manager
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: said to me, be impressed with yourself, which nobody to take.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Because I'm making a T shirt out of it because
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I think it's great and I look at it, I'm like,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I never thought of it that way. I should be
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: impressed with myself for taking the steps forward and keep going.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: So I ask you that because I know that there
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: are many of us out here.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I hear the clock.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: There was a music producer that was doing a TED
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: talk recently and said, the people who don't survive their
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: business is are the ones who searched central nervous systems
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: can't handle the weight. And it's that version of yourself
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: that tells you time is running out. And I feel
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: like women will hear that more often than not.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Sooner and more often than the male species.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: So do you hear That's why I ask you? Are
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: you taking steps forward? Do you hear that clock? Do
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you ever fight with that clock? First we had the
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: biological clock, I'm getting married clock, and then biological lock.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Now it's like, am I going to accomplish those things
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: that I wanted to do?
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Truth be told?
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you don't hear that clock.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: I refuse, love, I refused. I just turned sixty. I
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: don't feel it.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: You don't look it.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, mammy. I love you, but I try
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: real hard not to. I still feel like I'm that
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: that fifteen year old girl, yes, walking into that audition. Yeah,
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: I feel that when I'm on the stage. I live
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: for that. I live for that energy. I love to perform.
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: I will never let a clock take that away from me.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: And it shows I want to be the Puerto Rican
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: Lena Horn. Listen to that analogy. Yes, and so it is,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: thank you, and so it is.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: We have to have those kinds of I want to
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: I want to be the Latina Robin Moore right with
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: a sword and armor.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I see it.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: Yes, suh, Yes, I do too.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: And I just have to get that version of myself
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: that tells me that time is running out.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: That's the one, and I love I.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Did you find a moment where you pivoted away from
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: that or you had your you know, it's just never,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: it's never been.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: It never hit me. I've always I've always had the
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: hunger and the want. You know, I never wanted to stop.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: And I kept this moving by myself for a very
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: long time. And you know, just to hand it over
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: to Tony and say, yo, please, I know you can
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: do this, and she said absolutely, Yeah, I never wanted
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: to stop. I still don't want to stop. I never will.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: No, and you shouldn't thank you. I personally would be
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: very upset. In protest.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: You celebrated on a fortieth anniversary tour of All Cried Out, No,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I wonder if I take you home?
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: And I went to that concert as well in La
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: and but you did a remake of All Cried Out Salissa.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: Which was thank you, thank you, thank you.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: So gorgeous, and I wondered if I take you home? No,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I wondered when I watched you seeing that live. First
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: of all, it was so great because a lot of our.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: Girls in latinos acting up were in your video. Yes,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: and it was so great. I was supposed to be
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: but weather kept me grounded, couldn't come out.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: But anyway, it was so beautiful and I and I
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: wondered in watching you do this, have this full circle moment,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: is there anything you bring your wisdom with you throughout
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: the years and what you learned. Is there anything from
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: those early years that you wish you could have back
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: that you wish.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Was still was still something? You know, Bible.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not just talking like body, I'm not talking like physical.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Is there any mentality? Is there any anything you wish
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I still wish it were like it was back in
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: the eighties, back in the nineties, you know, no, no, no,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: no regrets, love.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: All of that. Maybe who I am today? Yeah, and
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I don't I am who I am?
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Sorry, No, that's the right, that's a good answer.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I can't think of anything in particular. I'm like, oh,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I wish you know what I wish. I wish I
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: could drink a glass of wine without waking up in
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: the middle of the night with sweats. Maybe that maybe,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: but I won't say that's life altering.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: I'm just not physicality, So I would say, my knees here,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: I have my knees back, you know I have I
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: have both knees replaced.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: So oh my god.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, from all of that jumping around that I did
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: on the stage, and you.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: Still look like you.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: I got your twenty year old knees up there. At
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: twenty one, you were diagnosed with breast cancer. Yeah, you
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: are a warrior. What would you What did you take
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: from that journey.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: In your life to today.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: That we as women, we have the strength to make
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: it move again. I wasn't gonna all I hid all
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: of that.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: So I was gonna say, I think I read that
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: you didn't want it. You didn't want to tell anybody.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: I didn't tell anybody, not even my mother.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: And I went through it by myself because I was
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: afraid what we were afraid of. I was afraid it
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: was gonna be taken away from me because back then
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: we didn't have support groups or nothing like that. Yeah,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: And I used to get a lot of like negativity
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: from the people I was working with, like why you're
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: always tired? Are you pregnant? And oh, what's wrong with you?
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: And no, no, we gotta help, we gotta make it work.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I mean there was a time where I was so
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: sick I had to have like an oxygen tank at
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: the side of the stage.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: And that one point where I had no voice because
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: I was sick. They it was a fight. So I
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: begged them, please can we cancel this show? I can't
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: sing And they were like, it's a lot of money,
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: you know. Oh no, all of that. It scared me,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: spared the hell out of me. I refused, so I
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: kept it to myself. And I had the greatest doctor
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: and nurse that in every city I hit. They worked
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: with the hospitals, and we would hit the city and
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: I would disappear to the hospital and I would get
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: my pack filled and I would get my treatment, and
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I would do whatever the hell I had to do
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: to make sure that I got those streets. There was
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: one time I missed the tree.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: So when you were like going to see a doctor
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: and getting your supplies, and.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: I told her, I was afraid. I'm telling you it was.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: They kept it in my head that I was I
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: was not indispensable, you know. They kept telling me we
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: could replace you in a minute. So I was scared.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not going to let them know this. Wow,
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: that fear gave me strength, and that strength made me move.
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: That's what I took with me.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Would you do anything differently in that journey.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: No, ma'am, Yeah, no, not at all.
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: No.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: And the circumstances were the same.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: What are you gonna do?
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Exactly Well, there were choices, and that's the choice you made,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: and that's why I gave you this.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: Those were my choices and I had to make them,
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: and I don't regret any of it.
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: No.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: This is what is so beautifully refreshing about you is
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: that you have arrived at sixty and you write at
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: sixty looking good and still, you know, sharing new versions
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: of yourself and looking at life with a lot of grace,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: which is the best part. That you can even look
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: back at something like that and say, no, I give
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: myself grace. The circumstances that I was in was the
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: right thing to do for me.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what else to say about it,
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: but it's what I had to do. And again I
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: got that from my mom. She did what she had
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: to do. You know.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: I made an analogy the other day about my son
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: and daughter because I raised them as a single parent.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: For a long, long time, and it was tough because
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I lived in a town I'm close to my family,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: but I lived in Los Angeles.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: I don't have any family.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: So and I have a career that's been a good,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: strong career, and it's provided for my children. So I'm
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: going through my things and driving this child to this
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: practice and this child of this practice, and my little
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: prius and then going on set and being you know,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: you were mom, a working mom, and nothing is normal
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: about that business. And for so long, my son is
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: twenty four, my daughter's twenty one. For so long, I
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: felt like they were both my footballs. And I'm running
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: like this, getting everybody, get out of the way, get
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: out of way, don't touch I'm whatever. And I think
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: recently I've noticed like I need to put the football
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: down because I think that they want to run their own.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: Ball now so hard it's hard, it is. It's hard
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: for me to let go mine too.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: How old are yours?
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: Now?
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: Twenty one and nineteen?
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: And my oldest is like he's so on the run
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: with his thing, he's never home. I'm always calling him,
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: where are you? And he's like doing my thing?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Mom, do you have attachment issues with your children. I think,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: I do, I do?
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: I do? I get told that all the time.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: This entirely she's like this time, she's like that when
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: it came to her kid.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she's always.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: I'm a hub of mom. So let the kid be.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: You have them their location on your phone. Yep, yeah, girl,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: yep yeah.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: And I would like we would our parents would go
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: out and just hope for the best.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: I know, we would last kids, last kids to see you.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: I remember being I was like six years old, and
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: my mom would give me a list of stuff. She
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: would roll it up with money and then she would
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: put a bobby pin on it, and she goes, here,
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: go to the store.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: And so you were like a little girl at the store.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Here, I need this, my mom. He knew my mom.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: Everybody in the neighborhood knew each other. But I'm walking
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: down the block. If anything went down, the moms were
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: looking out the window. We'll get down to them. That
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: was off phone.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh I love.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: That's such a beautiful, magical moment in history moments. It
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: was for a while that it was like that, Oh yeah,
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I mean now I was like, we're I need to
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: see this house. I need to see this apartment you're
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: living at and where you're walking to and then location.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine not having a location. I keep waiting
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: for my you know, my kids, my son like he's
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: in the.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Adult world, he's graduating.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I keep waiting for him to turn off his location,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: and I know he's just doing it for me.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: He's just like, yeah, my kids do it for me too.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: My oldest turned it off once. Oh oh girl, that
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: was the storm hit.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Are you crazy?
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Are you out of your mind?
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: And he was like.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Really, really, twenty four hours of labor?
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Really now it is?
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: It's I think I'm walking through this right now, and
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: with the flux, the fluctuation of all things with the
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: body and what comes. I said to my daughter the
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: other day, I think I'm depressed, but I don't. I
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: don't have a lot of experience with depression, so I
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: don't really know what is fact and what feelings are
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: facts and what aren't. I like to say feelings are
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: not facts. So I may be feeling it and that
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: that emotion and I can honor it and recognize it,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean that what it is that I'm feeling is
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: an actual fact. So sometimes that just gives me reprieve
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: from reacting or responding, So I will sit until I
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: have my clarity. But I did notice the other day
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: that I think I have to work a little harder
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: on detaching from my children a little bit.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: And I think, just for me, I do I feel
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: like now I'm feeling it because they're telling me I
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: need to And when they come to you and say
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: you gotta let go, that's a big deal.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I mean they love like rosen Jack in the water,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: you gotta let go. You tell me you gotta let go,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, I'm not going down.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I will hold this door up, which the two of
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: us could have fit.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: On, you know anything. That's what I was about to say.
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: That was rude.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: We know we would have made it fits.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: You ever seen a Latino family and eighteen people on
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: that damn told like.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: That was the size of our kitchen. You know, we
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: all fit in for a family dinner.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Jeez.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: And what do you do today with all of this
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: and and your children trying to let go your touring?
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: You have dreams still that you want to accomplish. What
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: are you doing today to just take care of Lisa?
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: When you have your day off? What's your day off.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: You want to laugh, I want to laugh. I do laundry.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Oh god.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: I I work out all the time. Oh yeah, I
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: do that a lot because work out of choice. I
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: do calisthetics a lot. Really yeah. I do some weight
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: training as well. You know I do that. But I
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: have to get even if it's just like twenty five
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: minutes a day, Yeah, I gotta get something in.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: They say only twenty minutes is necessary, That's what they say.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, But I gotta get it in. And I don't
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: care if I'm tired. If I don't do it, I
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: get cranky.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Good for you.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: So my thing is working out, doing the laundry.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: And you know, I couldn't think of anything worse right
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: now than folding clothes.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: I love to full cloth you.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: You are in rare breed, but you were my bestie.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: Who who you know? Tina?
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: She does I do my happy hour with Tina. She
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: would come over to my house and fold close because
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: I hated.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: It so much.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Really still, I left to come here to New York
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: and there's a pile of clean clothes in a basket.
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: When I go to California to stay with Tony, I
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: do whole laundry.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Oh I thought you were gonna have to come over
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: to I'll.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: Be more than happy to Quite honestly, I would do
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: it for you.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, let me touch on that subject for just a second.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: Where you in your mother's journey battling Alzheimer's. Were you
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: a part of her care and how was that for you?
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Because that's another thing that comes in this chapter. And
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: when I asked a lot of my girlfriends, what do
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: you want me to talk about like caring for my parents?
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Like it's a new chapter.
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: She was my best friend and I needed to do
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: that for her. And yes, I took very good care
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: of her, and it went from myself and to my
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: other sister, and we got her two in home nurses,
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: and I was always with her. And it was very
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: important for me to be able to make her comfortable
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: because damage she deserved it, Yes, she deserved it. She
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: took care of the ten of us by herself. She struggled,
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: but she got us there. Yeah, you know we were able,
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: All of the kids were able to, you know, fulfill
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: our dreams.
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: That is all of that accomplishment.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: Most of my sisters are teachers and the others are lawyers.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: I have a lot of my my well, two of
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: my brothers were in law enforcement, and you know, she
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: was able to do that for us, And I said,
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: I'm going to do this for her.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and how did you like?
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: What I What I've run into is hearing you know,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: women say I watched it with my mother and and
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: and my Miauela, and how my parents are really physically fit.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: They're always very active.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: My dad had, you know, his career up until like
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: two years ago he retired. And when it came down
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: to taking care of my grandmother because my grandfather had
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: passed a few years before, I saw it age them
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: dramatically in a year because it was very taxing.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: It so did So how did you balance taking care
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: of you during that time?
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: I had to really mentally focus because it took a
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: toll on me. I got so depressed. I did, but
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: I had a therapist.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Do you give yourself care?
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: I had to because to see her lose it like that.
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: My mother was always so strong, firecracker. There was nothing
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: that women used to move furniture by herself. And she
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: was four nine, you know do all of that. She
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: took care of all the kids.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah and four nine, ye dynamite.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm telling you, man, I just I had to.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: I had to see somebody and talk to them about
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: to get it out because it broke me. At one
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: point she came back for a couple of minutes and
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: she said, please tell everybody. I said, I'm sorry, you know,
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: because she wasn't there fully, and my brothers and sisters
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: were always like, damn, mommy's not there. And I was like, Mommy,
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: you don't gotta say sorry to nothing, you know, I'm sorry.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: No, no, It's honest, and it's real that after all this,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: even in her in her illness, she still was like,
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: I have things to do and people to take care of.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: Always, always, I'm telling you, And it was so hard
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: to see that. But at the end, I was very
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: thankful that she didn't remember sorry, any other pain that
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: she was in, because towards the end she went into
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: organ failure and she couldn't hold a head up and
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: I used to have to help her choo, so I
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: had to grind her food just to see that that
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: she was not there. She was completely gone, And that's
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: what messed me.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Up to watch.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Can you recall what your therapist any one thing that
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: your therapist do.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: We have tissues on them.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: That's okay.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: Any one thing that your therapist gave you that helped
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: ease your your heart or helped your heart gift through
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: those moments.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: The fact that when she did come back, for her
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: to say the things that she said to me was
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: she was grateful. My mom was and she lived a
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: wonderful life and her kids were able to give her
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: that too towards the end. And she said, take that
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: with you. Yeah, your mother when she comes back, she
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: still sees you and she's saying sorry that she's not
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: there to help you. I'll take that with you and
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: know that your mom is fine.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: That's a beautiful thing.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: And thank you for sharing that is I know there's
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: so many of us, you know, they used to say.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: They didn't used to say. You know, the medical society
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: would say that we have a lot to be concerned with.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: If the baby boomer population, which is so huge, if
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: we have a growing numbers of Alzheimer's and they can
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: live so for so many years with Alzheimer's because their
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: bodies are not giving out of them, that we could
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: have a real weight on our shoulders in society taking
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: care of a huge number of all timer paces at
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: the same time, and the fact that it's still so
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: inconsistent with between one person and another. But what seems
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: to be consistent is the toll that it takes on
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: the caregiver and the need to find out what works
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: for you to take care of you and make you First,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: do you I know you must be a lot like
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: your mother. So in a little bit of contrast to
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: your mother, what do you say when you're in the
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: fifth of work and routine and scheduling and whatnot, how
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: do you say today it needs to be Lisa first.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: Do you say that to yourself? And what do you do?
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Just full close or do you just detach?
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: I go and do laundry. Tony'll call me and we
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: got this is it. I'm doing laundry today.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, you speak up.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: I did, and you say, yeah, it took a little
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: time to get to that point, but I bet I
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: do it.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I see what you came from, the stock that you
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: came from, and it'd be very easy and quite normal
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: to get to this stage in life and find yourself
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: to be exactly like your mother.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: You know, you just serve, and you serve and you
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: be of service.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: When you're on stage, you're of service. When you're at home,
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: you're of service like you are giving of yourself. But
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: the longevity of it, I think spiritually is comes in
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: the self care of it all.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's the only thing that's gonna carry you. You
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: got to learn to to do the self care. And again,
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: it took me a long time to get there because
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: I was always about, it's got to get done. If
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: I don't do it, oh my god, they're gonna look
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: at me in a strange way. Well they're not gonna
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: like me. Now I'm okay with it. Yeah, you know.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: And and it has to self care. If you ain't
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: got you, you ain't got nothing.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: If you ain't got you, you ain't got nothing. That's
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: a T shirt I think I'm gonna make.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a gift for every episode that I'm
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: gonna take a quote that my guests has said.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: And put it on a T shirt.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: And that would be do nobody steal that because I'm
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: doing that. I really appreciate how open you've been about this.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: We've touched on so many subjects that are so real
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: and relevant to women to women in this uh chapter.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: Because this chapter isn't singular, it's ongoing. It's ever green,
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: it's ever growing. And I think the more we talk
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: openly about our experiences, we take nuggets of wisdom and like,
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: it's not going to be folding laundry, but I knew
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I do need to find something that gives me that,
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: you know, shut down, that's not my phone, Like I
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: need to detach from that stimulus as well, because it's
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: a lot and we're learning that on the fly.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why I love doing laundry. I love watching
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: great episodes of rom coms, which I just saw you
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: in one and you agreed, hilarious, just you know, being
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: at peace with self. Yeah, you know, sitting there and
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: doing the laundry, folding the clothes and thinking why am
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: I here? What got me here? Why did you need
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: to do laundry today?
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: So let's send this on something that I like to teay.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: This one is.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Judging things, judging yourself for different things in this period
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: of life. And you can say how you feel about
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: it and whether you liked it or didn't like it,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: or you believe it or you don't believe it. I
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: used titles of your songs. Oh okay, So for example, Uh,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: grudges don't say goodbye.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Or let it go, let it go. I knew you're
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: gonna say it. I might letting go.
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: Is If I don't let it go, it will consume
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: me and I will be in jail.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: So let's go.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Yep, vallid all right, mood swings and hot flashes, everything.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: Will be fine.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Or playing with fire, playing with fire, playing with fire?
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes see how you did that?
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: I went through your whole library.
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: She's damn good.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: Sex over fifty since you let the beat hit him?
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: Oh damn it between bulls?
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: Okay, fair enough.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: It depends on the day, right, it depends.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: On the day. I could be either one. I'm like man, god.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: Uh seeing in high school seeing a high school X
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: facing the crowd, or lost in emotion.
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Facing the crowd.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: There's some history there, there's a lot of history.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: And joh, that's it. Joah.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: And this may not be your experience, but how do
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: you feel about dating a younger man? Playing with fire?
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: Or I wonder if I take you home?
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: I wonder if I take you home, babycause I.
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: Need you to know.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: Oh my gus, my harness fulfilled. I cannot believe I'm
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: sitting here. I have cried after more.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: Episodes, because, like I said, when they pitched me the
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: idea of doing a podcast, I'm like, absolutely not. I
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: don't have it in me. And this makes it so worthwhile.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: And to get to know you on an even deeper level,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: and then you being so open and willing to share
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: that with other women, Like I'm telling you, we obviously
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: and I know you believe this because this is what
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: you do, you share of yourself.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: We have to stick together. And when they know that Lisa.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: Lisa who's been on tour for forty years and we've
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: seen her and love her, still deals with hot flashes.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: We're not wanting to see her children, you know, it's
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: wanting to see her children's location and letting your mother
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: go like yes always, these things are everyday life experiences
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: that a woman like you is experiencing just as well.
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: We are women. Yes, let us roll.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: That's right on that note. I love you so much,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: I love you, Thank you for being here.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: Absolutely how hard can it be? With the annamade Ariva
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: is a Hyphenit Media group production in partnership with Iheart'smeike
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: Fuldura podcast network. For more of your favorite shows, visit
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.