Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep269. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable: Growth Requires You to Endure What Your Nervous System Avoids.
Transcript
- 0:04SPEAKER_00: You want to wake up feeling like you're something businessing in your life.
- 0:08SPEAKER_00: You want to feel the need to escape your business.
- 0:10SPEAKER_00: Are you running your life or is your life running new?
- 0:12SPEAKER_00: I'm like going, I'm helping design and turning the life.
- 0:15SPEAKER_00: Don't authentic and align with who you really are.
- 0:17SPEAKER_00: You don't get excited just to wake up.
- 0:19SPEAKER_00: I'll help you create real wealth to testing freedom from the inside out.
- 0:24SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day.
- 0:35SPEAKER_00: For over nine years now, I've worked with people all from all over in a bunch of different industries.
- 0:43SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they're employees, sometimes they're business owners.
- 0:46SPEAKER_00: I've even worked with people overseas.
- 0:48SPEAKER_00: I've held workshops.
- 0:50SPEAKER_00: I've I've spoken at large meetups and groups and the companies and organizations.
- 0:58SPEAKER_00: And it's really starting to simplify for me in terms of what separates the people that are wealthy and successful and hit the gas on life and play offense and the people who aren't aren't willing to go on offense and play defense.
- 1:15SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that, if you haven't, if you haven't listened to or or watched the last few episodes of the Interwealth podcast, I would highly encourage you to do that.
- 1:25SPEAKER_00: The last two episodes have been uh my most recent workshop.
- 1:29SPEAKER_00: And it was called Built to Give, Rebuilt the Receive.
- 1:32SPEAKER_00: But if I had to do it all over again, it would just be titled Unleash You, Unleash You, because that's what we did in those two days.
- 1:38SPEAKER_00: But understood, uh, I taught uh content and I taught uh some wisdom that helps you really unleash yourself on the world and to start creating exactly what it is that you want in the world and getting really, really clear about what that is and then moving into and through whatever it takes to create it.
- 1:58SPEAKER_00: All right.
- 1:58SPEAKER_00: And it's not gonna be, it's not always gonna be a fun, enjoyable, comfortable ride, all right.
- 2:04SPEAKER_00: And that's that's kind of what we're gonna dive into in a little bit.
- 2:08SPEAKER_00: But it's becoming really a lot more clear and a lot simpler for me.
- 2:12SPEAKER_00: What separates the people that are really, really wealthy and successful that I've worked with from those people that struggle to get any traction in their life?
- 2:20SPEAKER_00: And and it really comes down to one thing and actually two, but one thing that really, really holds people back.
- 2:28SPEAKER_00: And before I get to that, I want to I want to talk about a conversation I had with one of my private clients.
- 2:33SPEAKER_00: I've been working with him for about four years.
- 2:35SPEAKER_00: Uh, he's in his 30s, he's very wealthy, he's very successful, he's admired from people all over the country at meetups that he speaks at.
- 2:47SPEAKER_00: People come from all over, they've even come from outside of the United States to come and see him and to see him speak and to see how he's built his business and how to how to gain some tactics and strategies from him, some approaches to be able to even be able to create, you know, a percentage of of what he's been able to create in his life.
- 3:11SPEAKER_00: And dude is just a winner.
- 3:14SPEAKER_00: He is just a winner.
- 3:15SPEAKER_00: And and he, you know, when we're when we're connecting, I just keep reminding him, you're a winner.
- 3:19SPEAKER_00: And he knows that.
- 3:20SPEAKER_00: He he absolutely knows he and he owns it.
- 3:22SPEAKER_00: He's not arrogant, he's not egotistical, he's not full of himself.
- 3:26SPEAKER_00: He is full of himself because he can only be full of himself.
- 3:28SPEAKER_00: He can't be full of anybody else.
- 3:30SPEAKER_00: But he he doesn't elevate himself and his significance above anybody else.
- 3:35SPEAKER_00: He's a very humble, very loving guy.
- 3:38SPEAKER_00: And he's kind of like uh one of those unicorns that before I started this journey, before I started my transformation, I didn't know you could be wealthy, successful, and loving and a giver and a servant and a steward of life.
- 3:53SPEAKER_00: I always I was taught from my parents that wealthy and successful people are slimy and greedy and selfish and all that stuff.
- 4:00SPEAKER_00: So, but it's just not true.
- 4:01SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be true.
- 4:02SPEAKER_00: Some in some cases, there there are people out there like that, but but there are people who are very, very uh wealthy and successful, but also love hard and are generous.
- 4:14SPEAKER_00: Now, when I talked to him about being a winner, and he owns it, he embodies it, and he knows that.
- 4:21SPEAKER_00: And in one of our most recent conversations, what we really talked about was what, and I'll say what what uh draws he and I together, because there's times where I'll work with somebody and you know I've worked with private clients for three months, but I've worked with private clients for eight years.
- 4:41SPEAKER_00: And there's just certain connections and certain relationships that they just click.
- 4:45SPEAKER_00: There's something special and magical about that that relationship, about that connection.
- 4:51SPEAKER_00: And it just keeps me coming back to them and them coming back for me.
- 4:55SPEAKER_00: And we just have we we traverse life and do some awesome work together.
- 5:00SPEAKER_00: And uh there's there's certain people that stay for a long time, but there's certain people that come so that they can leave, you know, in the Interwealth mastermind.
- 5:08SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I I have people join and they have a due date, they're they have a year commitment, but they they enter the the mastermind to eventually exit.
- 5:17SPEAKER_00: And I have people that have been with me for years in the mastermind because we're we're just we're in lockstep and there's just a magical relationship.
- 5:25SPEAKER_00: But we've we've endured a lot together.
- 5:30SPEAKER_00: We've endured a lot in our lives.
- 5:33SPEAKER_00: I I have endured a lot.
- 5:35SPEAKER_00: I I have the the ability and the capacity to endure a lot of discomfort.
- 5:41SPEAKER_00: And in in the workshop, if you've if you've listened to, hopefully you listened to the last two episodes.
- 5:48SPEAKER_00: But and if you haven't go back and listen to them.
- 5:50SPEAKER_00: But in the workshop, I talk about three parts of my life that were very, very uncomfortable and very um, very not chaotic, not in not in a chaotic sense, but they were very uncomfortable.
- 6:05SPEAKER_00: But on the other side of that discomfort was was bliss, all right.
- 6:09SPEAKER_00: The first was United States Marine Corps, I'm a marine vet.
- 6:13SPEAKER_00: And going to especially the first hour that you're you're at Marine Corps boot camp, basic training, it is absolutely freaking ridiculously stressful and uncomfortable.
- 6:26SPEAKER_00: And it's so stressful and so uncomfortable, but over time, your nervous system, over 90 days, your nervous system starts to rebalance and rewire itself and rebuild itself around that that stress and around that that chaos and around all the noise that's coming at you and all the orders that are being parked at you.
- 6:49SPEAKER_00: And you learn after 90 days, you learn how to remain calm in your body, in the in the presence, in the uh, in the presence, yeah, of all that chaos.
- 7:00SPEAKER_00: And on the first day, your nervous system has never experienced that before.
- 7:03SPEAKER_00: So it's going to be radically, radically uncomfortable.
- 7:06SPEAKER_00: But on day 90, the same, the same stuff just doesn't trigger you.
- 7:10SPEAKER_00: It doesn't move you.
- 7:10SPEAKER_00: That's why Marines are very graceful in combat and great, they're grace under pressure because we are literally trained to endure a lot of internal discomfort.
- 7:21SPEAKER_00: And the discomfort we're talking about internal discomfort, there's a there's a different kind of external discomfort.
- 7:26SPEAKER_00: But we are wired and we are trained to endure high levels of internal discord, discomfort, unease, right?
- 7:38SPEAKER_00: You're just you're wired and you're trained, and your nervous system is rebuilt around that.
- 7:43SPEAKER_00: I I also just jumped out of an airplane a couple of years ago, and my wife and I went skydiving in California for my birthday, and and I jumped out, and I felt so much anxiety.
- 7:57SPEAKER_00: I felt ridiculous levels of anxiety.
- 8:01SPEAKER_00: And I can't explain how gooey my insides felt and how stressful it felt.
- 8:08SPEAKER_00: And it's like my legs, I I've explained this before over and over.
- 8:11SPEAKER_00: My legs were like numb.
- 8:13SPEAKER_00: We were walking towards the the door to jump out, and my legs were almost numb.
- 8:18SPEAKER_00: I had to like pick them up with my with my hands to get myself to the door.
- 8:23SPEAKER_00: And I I just I refused to not jump.
- 8:26SPEAKER_00: I was going to jump because I have always been able to endure high levels of stress and and pressure and internal dis-ase, the unease that comes with doing something new, doing something unfamiliar, doing something that you've never been exposed to before.
- 8:45SPEAKER_00: And most recently at the Interwealth Mastermind uh retreat in Nashville, uh, Tennessee, I I exposed myself in terms of I have always held like pockets of and and high levels of of body shame.
- 9:01SPEAKER_00: And I've always kind of hid my body away because I didn't want anybody to see me, judge me, I don't know, witness the the, you know, what I've whether I've been fit or or fat, you know, I I I never felt like my body, it always felt like my body was like dysmorphia.
- 9:17SPEAKER_00: Always felt my like my body was just flawed and defective.
- 9:21SPEAKER_00: And at the Interwealth Mastermind Retreat, I I took off my clothes and I was I was wearing a uh Rainbow Speedo.
- 9:28SPEAKER_00: And I I just wanted to make sure that my nervous system started to rebalance around and rewire itself around being seen and visibility and allowing, you know, my body to stop succumbing to judgment of body shame or judgment of others about my body and start started to release the body shame.
- 9:48SPEAKER_00: And I could literally see within an, you know, in an hour I was teaching in front of the group, and the the anxiety, the nerves were gone.
- 9:56SPEAKER_00: I was it already started releasing for my body.
- 9:59SPEAKER_00: My wife and I went on vacation to Cancun a couple weeks, maybe a week later, and I did for the first time ever, I just didn't give a crap if people saw me and saw my body.
- 10:09SPEAKER_00: All right.
- 10:10SPEAKER_00: So, so these, but but that that experience taking off clothes and standing in front of the speedo, standing in front of everybody, I endured and succumbed, allowed myself to endure and be exposed to high, high, high levels of discomfort.
- 10:28SPEAKER_00: And in this conversation with my private client, when when I was, we were talking through things and he's going through, there's something that's in his life right now that's causing that.
- 10:39SPEAKER_00: And all I said was stick with it, as remain committed as long as you can endure the discomfort and endure the uncertainty that you're up against right now.
- 10:54SPEAKER_00: And that clicked for him.
- 10:57SPEAKER_00: He's like, okay, my endurance is being tested.
- 11:00SPEAKER_00: And the reason that he is in his 30s, like close to his mid-30s, the reason he is so wealthy and successful in his mid-30s is because he has the capacity, the willingness, and the ability to endure high levels of discomfort that that takes to grow and that takes to expand your life, because your nervous system has one job and one job only, and that is to keep you alive.
- 11:27SPEAKER_00: And it tries to keep you alive by keeping you in, by trying to keep you in familiar circumstances, and it tries to keep you in familiar circumstances because up to this point in your life, it has proven to be able to keep you alive in the familiar circumstances of whatever it is you're living as right now.
- 11:46SPEAKER_00: So your nervous system is literally not your ally in the journey of expanding your wealth, your success, your fulfillment, the love in your life, connecting with people at a deeper level.
- 12:00SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system is not your ally.
- 12:03SPEAKER_00: It doesn't care about any of that stuff.
- 12:05SPEAKER_00: It doesn't care if you're wealthy or successful, it doesn't care if you're happy, it doesn't care if you're fulfilled, doesn't care if you're loved, it doesn't care about any of that.
- 12:12SPEAKER_00: The only thing it cares about is that you're alive.
- 12:14SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it actively works against you, right?
- 12:18SPEAKER_00: When someone's used to unhealthy relationships, a healthy relationship feels unsafe because it's unfamiliar.
- 12:25SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean it's unsafe, it just feels unsafe because it's unfamiliar.
- 12:30SPEAKER_00: And your ability in that situation to go from an unhealthy relationship into a healthy relationship, you must be willing to endure the internal discomfort that comes along with something unfamiliar and something new.
- 12:47SPEAKER_00: I hope this is clicking.
- 12:49SPEAKER_00: All right.
- 12:51SPEAKER_00: I have when when I got terminated from corporate in March on March 18th of 2016, I I was under intense pressure and stress because I'm the I'm the uh historically the breadwinner and the and the provider in my family.
- 13:07SPEAKER_00: And suddenly I had no income and I had no I had no line of sight to any positions and any streams of income.
- 13:15SPEAKER_00: And I just sat in that discomfort for long enough until I got clear on what I was going to do in the next chapter of my life.
- 13:24SPEAKER_00: And I didn't, I wasn't going to go back to the same old chapter and do the same thing that didn't work before, do it again.
- 13:31SPEAKER_00: And I entered a whole new chapter in my life, and that shit was uncomfortable.
- 13:36SPEAKER_00: And I had the willingness and the ability and the capacity to endure that discomfort of something new.
- 13:42SPEAKER_00: Not everybody has the same level of willingness to endure discomfort that growth requires.
- 13:51SPEAKER_00: And growth does require discomfort because it's unfamiliar.
- 13:57SPEAKER_00: It's territory you've never entered before.
- 14:01SPEAKER_00: So when I go back and look at then the simplistic view that that I now have have adopted and I can see, when I go back and look at the very simplistic and elemental view that I have of wealth and success and and creating an exceptional life, I see that the people that have magnificent lives and are living magnificent lives, both from an internal, uh, an internal fulfillment and material wealth, because these two don't always correlate.
- 14:37SPEAKER_00: You can have material, material wealth and be internally upside down, or you can be internally peaceful and struggle materially.
- 14:46SPEAKER_00: But when I see people that have both, that have both, I know that the reason they have it is because number one, they have clarity about what they want their life to look like and how they want to feel and who they want to be in this world.
- 15:08SPEAKER_00: They have intense levels of clarity about what they want and what they came here to experience and what they are creating and what they are committed to experiencing and receiving in their life.
- 15:24SPEAKER_00: And not everybody has that level of clarity.
- 15:27SPEAKER_00: Everybody knows exactly what they don't want, and they wake up each and every day to avoid it.
- 15:34SPEAKER_00: And very few people know exactly what they want.
- 15:38SPEAKER_00: And my man T.
- 15:39SPEAKER_00: Harvecker, right?
- 15:40SPEAKER_00: T.
- 15:40SPEAKER_00: Harvecker, he's he wrote a great book called The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind.
- 15:45SPEAKER_00: And one of the best lines in that book says, you know, people that struggle with money send mixed messages about money.
- 15:53SPEAKER_00: They send mixed messages.
- 15:55SPEAKER_00: Rich people know they want to get rich.
- 15:59SPEAKER_00: They have clarity about they want that they want to get rich.
- 16:02SPEAKER_00: They have they are committed to being rich, they are committed to being wealthy.
- 16:07SPEAKER_00: Rich people have no confusion about that.
- 16:11SPEAKER_00: They don't send mixed messages, but people who struggle with money, they do.
- 16:15SPEAKER_00: I want more money, but I don't need I don't want more money, but money's not that important.
- 16:20SPEAKER_00: I don't I want more money.
- 16:22SPEAKER_00: I would love to have more money, but rich people are greedy.
- 16:25SPEAKER_00: I want more money, but that would make me selfish.
- 16:28SPEAKER_00: I want more money, but there's more to life than money.
- 16:31SPEAKER_00: There's there's these mixed messages, mixed signals that that people who struggle with money and have financial struggles, that financial uh unrest in their life, they send mixed messages about what they want and the meaning of money in their life.
- 16:46SPEAKER_00: And people who have, like my private client, they are very, very committed and they are very clear that they want to be rich and wealthy.
- 16:56SPEAKER_00: And they don't feel selfish, they don't feel shameful, they don't feel guilty, they don't feel any of that stuff for wanting what they want.
- 17:04SPEAKER_00: They just allow themselves to want it, and that's it.
- 17:07SPEAKER_00: They commit to it.
- 17:09SPEAKER_00: So that level of clarity that you know what you want, you give yourself full permission to have it, you get you give yourself full permission to create it, and you don't have internal unease, unrest in wanting.
- 17:27SPEAKER_00: So many people reject what their desires and they send those mixed messages.
- 17:31SPEAKER_00: Okay, that level of clarity in what you want in your life is required in order to live the highest, most fulfilling life for you.
- 17:41SPEAKER_00: And in the last mastermind, if you listen to the first or the listen to the actually the second episode, the the second part, we focus on going on offense.
- 17:51SPEAKER_00: And going on offense requires high levels of clarity.
- 17:56SPEAKER_00: And as I polished up my vision recently, I focus on what I want my life to look like, what I want my day to look like, what I want to feel like in my body, what I how I want to flow through life and how I want to live literally live my life.
- 18:10SPEAKER_00: And then in my my impact, my business and my finances, what I want inner wealth global to look like, what I want my income level to look like, what I want mine and and my wife's my my wife, Angie's uh our net worth to be.
- 18:24SPEAKER_00: I focused on all these things and I put it on paper and I committed to having them.
- 18:29SPEAKER_00: And then finally, the relationships that I have in life and the role relationships play and what I want my relationship to look like with Angie.
- 18:38SPEAKER_00: And trust me when I say that when you get clear about what exactly what it is you want, the energy level in your body just accelerates and ascends.
- 18:48SPEAKER_00: And it's almost it is a creative force.
- 18:50SPEAKER_00: It propels you forward.
- 18:52SPEAKER_00: And suddenly you feel inspired immediately.
- 18:55SPEAKER_00: When you get clear about the life that you are here to experience, the soul's dream that's buried in your in your inside of you.
- 19:05SPEAKER_00: When you get clear about what that is, it's a creative mechanism that'll propel you forward.
- 19:10SPEAKER_00: And you will get energy, and you will get energized, and you will immediately get some inspiration.
- 19:15SPEAKER_00: You will immediately start taking some action to receive whatever it is that that's you just put on paper and you got clear about.
- 19:23SPEAKER_00: That's the first thing is high levels of clarity.
- 19:27SPEAKER_00: But the second one is the one that's most challenging, and that's the willingness, uh, the capacity, and the ability, the the ability to move into and through the discomfort that's required to grow, not just move into it, but to stay in it and endure it until it lets go and it releases and your nervous system realigns.
- 19:52SPEAKER_00: And recently I've had I've seen, like this week, I have seen experiences or had conversations with three people that they say they wanted something.
- 20:06SPEAKER_00: One wanted a new position in a new company, one wanted to join my mastermind, and another just wanted to exit a uh uh exit one business and enter another.
- 20:17SPEAKER_00: And the they had the the full opportunity to get exactly what they want.
- 20:24SPEAKER_00: The person who wanted the the position, the person who wanted the position, the position was actually offered.
- 20:29SPEAKER_00: It's it was right there in the palm of her hand.
- 20:32SPEAKER_00: And she just wouldn't allow herself to get it.
- 20:35SPEAKER_00: The person who wanted my mastermind, I just I just learned that that the person has all the financial means that they need, they just won't allow themselves to use it and tap into it.
- 20:47SPEAKER_00: Because the, and this is another thing that paralyzes life.
- 20:51SPEAKER_00: And I I just made a post on social media not too long ago.
- 20:54SPEAKER_00: I said the thing I the thing I see holds people back the most.
- 20:58SPEAKER_00: It says, I'll I'll I can't do X, Y, Z until I have more money.
- 21:04SPEAKER_00: And money is always the reason, the excuse for the delay.
- 21:09SPEAKER_00: I I don't have enough money.
- 21:10SPEAKER_00: And there's never time, a time where you feel like you have enough money to do this thing.
- 21:15SPEAKER_00: So you keep delaying this thing that you want.
- 21:18SPEAKER_00: And it's because there's there's an emotional dysregulation in the nervous system that's keeping them from doing that.
- 21:25SPEAKER_00: And as far as the business, the person built one successful business and is understands that that business is expired, but wants to create a whole separate business, has the finances, has the resources, wants to create a whole separate business, a whole different business, but won't give himself permission because that creates that discomfort right now that they can't handle the uncertainty of that.
- 21:50SPEAKER_00: Right now they're succumbing to the uncertainty.
- 21:52SPEAKER_00: In all three of those cases, the person got right to the one yard line to use a sports metaphor, and then Just wouldn't punch it into the goal line, wouldn't step across the goal line.
- 22:05SPEAKER_00: They got right there, they're right on a threshold of receiving exactly what they wanted.
- 22:10SPEAKER_00: They just wouldn't take that last step because that last step is very, very, very uncomfortable because it's new, it's fresh, it's uh uncertain, it's a brand new experience, and you have to completely relearn who you are in this world in that new circumstance.
- 22:31SPEAKER_00: And you have to completely, you are going to be a completely different person in this world in that new circumstance.
- 22:37SPEAKER_00: You're gonna interact with life differently, you're gonna, you're gonna think different thoughts, you're gonna feel different things, you're gonna experience different versions of yourself and to a nervous system that's built on trying to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances.
- 22:52SPEAKER_00: It it always throws up flares of discomfort to try to get you to back up and retreat, back into familiar circumstances.
- 22:59SPEAKER_00: And all three of these folks are succumbing to that.
- 23:02SPEAKER_00: They're backing up.
- 23:05SPEAKER_00: And the difference between the people that are wealthy and successful and create exceptional impact and exceptional things in their lives, and the people who constantly remain stuck in life is that willingness and the ability to punch it through that last and enter that last goal, that last yard of the discomfort required to step into something brand new.
- 23:30SPEAKER_00: All right.
- 23:31SPEAKER_00: Those two, that's the simplicity that I've gained extreme clarity, hyper clarity, and hyper focus on exactly what you want instead of what you don't want.
- 23:42SPEAKER_00: And number two is the willingness, the ability, and a capacity to endure the discomfort required.
- 23:50SPEAKER_00: And if you've ever gone to a conference, a training conference, a training seminar, I speak to speak at many.
- 23:57SPEAKER_00: There's people that take the same tactics and strategies.
- 24:01SPEAKER_00: And some use them and apply them and get great results because they can endure the discomfort of something brand new.
- 24:09SPEAKER_00: There's people who use them but don't use them very effectively because they're letting the discomfort hold them back.
- 24:15SPEAKER_00: And there's people that don't use them at all because it's way too uncomfortable to even do something different, because the nervous system is not your ally in this journey of expansion.
- 24:26SPEAKER_00: It's just trying to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances.
- 24:31SPEAKER_00: And that's why growth is so uncomfortable.
- 24:34SPEAKER_00: Guys, go back if you haven't go back and listen to those two work workshop episodes.
- 24:38SPEAKER_00: There's great, they're just the introductions, they're great information.
- 24:42SPEAKER_00: And just keep tuning back in.
- 24:44SPEAKER_00: And if there's anything that you heard here that you want to uh you want to connect over, I in in the in the the show notes, I always put my email address, Mike, at innerwealthglobal.com.
- 24:55SPEAKER_00: It comes directly to me, doesn't get filtered, or you can go to my website, innerwealthglobal.com, fill out a contact card, and I'll get in touch.
- 25:03SPEAKER_00: And we'll see how we can work together and we'll see how we can expand your nervous system, expand your circumstances by stepping into things that expand your nervous system.
- 25:12SPEAKER_00: Growth or comfort.
- 25:13SPEAKER_00: Can't have both.
- 25:14SPEAKER_00: See you next week.
- 25:18SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed what you heard and you want to learn more, go to www.innerwealthglobal.com for more tools and resources.