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Cheating Scandals & Double Standards · What Tha Group Chat Say

• 0:00
  Vonnie: Welcome to what tha group chat.
• 0:01
  Say the podcast where the group chat.
• 0:03
  Finally got a mic.
• 0:04
  We're three friends in our forties talking about life, friendships, relationships, and everything we didn't see coming in this decade.
• 0:12
  I'm vni here with Kia Andrea, and on today's episode we're going to talk about current events.
• 0:19
  So when I say current events, there's two things scandalous that have happened back to back related to the same thing.
• 0:28
  One of them you probably have no idea is going on in the sphere.
• 0:31
  And the second one, I'm sure both of you definitely do.
• 0:35
  keya: What Trump and his fake temp on his life last night.
• 0:39
  drea: Oh
• 0:39
  Vonnie: We are ignoring, Trump Today though, I'm gonna go back probably about two weeks.
• 0:45
  This one started.
• 0:47
  So y'all know I'm into sports and into football, especially every year.
• 0:53
  The NFL coaches, come to Arizona and they do all of the pre stuff before the season starts, before the draft starts.
• 1:03
  they'll come here, they do the rules.
• 1:05
  Anything that might change over the year.
• 1:07
  The owners are here.
• 1:08
  It's like a whole event, for like a week long.
• 1:12
  And, um, NFL insiders come.
• 1:15
  Reporters come, right?
• 1:16
  that's where they get their scoops.
• 1:17
  Who are they gonna draft?
• 1:18
  What's going on the season?
• 1:20
  Coaches, new hirings, all this good stuff.
• 1:22
  In Sedona, do you guys know, like a few years back, they opened up this adults only resort.
• 1:28
  pictures came out with one of the insider NFL ladies.
• 1:32
  Her name is Diana Rossini, and she was holding hands with the NFL football coach.
• 1:37
  Now both of them were married, but not to each other, so the photos looked like, Hmm, maybe there's something going on.
• 1:43
  Like I wouldn't be holding hands with another man.
• 1:46
  And so when the photos came out, now the person who first had the photos, they went to TMZ first as you would to get paid TMZ.
• 1:54
  They only knew about the, person who had it only knew about the coach.
• 1:58
  Coach because, his name is Mike Vrabel and he's the coach for the New England Patriots.
• 2:03
  So they didn't know who the girl was, but they just knew it wasn't his wife.
• 2:06
  Probably when they took the photo and it was like a five figure offer from TMZ, they also shopped it to the New York Post?
• 2:15
  Published it first because they knew what they had and it was a gold mine now, so now this lady used to work for ESPN and then worked for the Atlantic afterwards.
• 2:25
  that went viral and she, he put out a statement first saying, this is nothing whatcha you guys talking about?
• 2:30
  Of course we're friends, we all know each other.
• 2:32
  And then she's like, it was a girl's trip and also they were there and you guys just caught a moment.
• 2:39
  the Atlantic came out, backing her saying she's a strong reputation.
• 2:42
  kind of a little bit sexist that you think that this is what women do to get stories and scoops and all that good stuff.
• 2:48
  And so people were like, of course Twitter's not dying down.
• 2:53
  And so then her people start talking about journalistic integrity, you know, whatever that is these days, right?
• 3:00
  and everybody's like, okay, well show the photos of the other people who were there.
• 3:04
  Then she resigns while the company said they're gonna do an investigation.
• 3:09
  I'm sure they asked her for photos.
• 3:10
  She has no photos.
• 3:11
  And now Twitter of course doesn't stop.
• 3:14
  Investigations don't stop.
• 3:16
  People are going back to quotes of hers where she seems to be dogging her own husband.
• 3:21
  Her first son is named Mike.
• 3:23
  Her husband is not named Mike.
• 3:24
  People are like, Hmm, what's going on here?
• 3:26
  Now, TMZ posts photos from six years ago.
• 3:30
  They were in a bar and they got a kiss.
• 3:34
  He had his hand on her leg, like, now this is exploding.
• 3:37
  he hadn't said anything since his first statement Now the NFL draft is going.
• 3:42
  So this is the only thing they have to talk about before they start talking about these college people that they're drafting into the NFL that people don't really know yet.
• 3:49
  So now this is the story.
• 3:51
  He slips in the night before, maybe two nights before the draft to just say, Hey, I'm gonna go into counseling the third day of the draft.
• 4:00
  and then he gave like a little mini statement, but since he hadn't let the media know he was going to be on the program or on the rotation, they didn't have all the people they would've normally had there, right?
• 4:13
  So they thought, okay, I've said a statement.
• 4:15
  And now they thought, oh, that's smart of him, because now he'll say, I've already addressed this.
• 4:20
  I'm not addressing it anymore.
• 4:21
  And then.
• 4:23
  They dropped like another photo of them.
• 4:26
  So they keep dropping photos in between all this stuff.
• 4:29
  So now he has to really address it.
• 4:31
  he then made an apology, so she said in her statement that there was still nothing going on.
• 4:36
  This is before all these pictures stopped.
• 4:38
  She then deleted Twitter.
• 4:40
  so I'm saying, so her career is over and people were going back and forth of like, Hey, there's nothing really happening to him, you know, as the man.
• 4:47
  And so he kind of starts now.
• 4:50
  So now this is all looking bad for him.
• 4:52
  Now he's saying that he's gonna be with his family for a little bit
• 4:56
  He's saying that his behavior didn't rise to, you know, his level of standards.
• 5:01
  So basically admitting that there was an affair.
• 5:04
  That's when she deleted Twitter, when he kind of did that.
• 5:07
  We don't know what's going on with her and her family now that she's out of a career right now.
• 5:12
  And so then that leads me to probably what, as you all know,
• 5:17
  Meg Thee Stallion and Clay Thompson just broke up.
• 5:19
  She puts on her Instagram stories cheating.
• 5:23
  you know, after she dealt with his horrible mood swings and behavior towards her during the basketball season.
• 5:32
  Now he says he doesn't know if he can be monogamous.
• 5:35
  And she's like, that's important to me.
• 5:37
  I'm out.
• 5:38
  So Twitter's been dragging him now for the last day and a half.
• 5:42
  I would say like when we were younger, when Jay-Z and Beyonce kind of went through this publicly, people were like, you know, if Beyonce can get cheated on, then it's free game for everybody.
• 5:56
  And so now I would say this generation is seeing Meg who's supposed to be looked at as like, you know, perfect.
• 6:01
  She's out there cooking for him and his family and all that stuff, and still at the end of the day she gets cheated on, you know, Cardi B gets cheated on, But it seems to not matter.
• 6:09
  Like all these different careers, different races, I mean that Mike and Dina, Sini, you know, white, black, it doesn't matter.
• 6:16
  It just seems like high priority, low priority.
• 6:20
  but it's looked at a lot of, first of all, there's a lot of it coming towards the, the affair partner I should say, or whatever.
• 6:29
  That person's term is they get a lot of smoke and it always seems like the person who's doing the cheating gets a lot less smoke.
• 6:38
  Now I say that, clay and Jay-Z got some smoke because of who they cheated on.
• 6:43
  But mostly everybody comes after, you know, the woman if she's cheating with the guy I wanna know what you guys feel about that.
• 6:51
  Like the contract, whether verbal, if you're dating or written in the case of married people right, is with these two people.
• 6:58
  And I used to be on the side of, you know, they were the ones in the relationship, the outside person wasn't.
• 7:05
  But when it's like a famous person, I feel like a little bit of that is ego.
• 7:11
  Like, oh, I could take quote unquote take Meg's man or Beyonce's man, but you know.
• 7:19
  So trying to get your guys' thoughts on that idea, that attitude and kind of, cheating in general in that sense.
• 7:28
  drea: You put a lot out there.
• 7:29
  So I like sports too.
• 7:32
  when it comes to the actual sport, I can give two fucks to be honest.
• 7:36
  cheating on who?
• 7:38
  Vonnie: Right.
• 7:38
  drea: but I was that woman, I forgot what was her role again?
• 7:44
  Vonnie: She's an NFL insider, so she's getting the scoops
• 7:46
  drea: when it comes to her, I think that's the problem is why she bow out, why she quit her job.
• 7:52
  Unless she felt like she was gonna get fired.
• 7:54
  But either way, I feel like, her quitting takes away from, yeah, you did it.
• 8:00
  but I feel like a lot of women, drop out when it comes to their careers when something like this happens versus the man who could have quit too.
• 8:08
  so I don't know why she would've quit.
• 8:10
  So for me, from the cheating, I'm more on like, girl, why you, why you let go of your job?
• 8:15
  Maybe she couldn't handle the, like, what people would say about her.
• 8:19
  'cause people do come in hard on women 'cause like, as if women don't cheat.
• 8:22
  But actually, like, we're the best cheaters to be honest.
• 8:25
  usually, but she got caught up on cameras, fucking social media.
• 8:29
  Dude, that takes away from the whole like, aspect.
• 8:33
  Like, it makes it hard.
• 8:34
  You can get caught at any time anyways.
• 8:36
  especially if you're public figures.
• 8:38
  So when it comes to their relationship, I'm more stuck on like, obviously like you said, it's been going on a long time, but like, why does she quit her job?
• 8:46
  That's where I'm kind of stuck on that.
• 8:48
  Vonnie: I think that made it worse.
• 8:49
  Like to your point too, because now people are like, well, now what are you hiding?
• 8:54
  Because he stood in it and it was like, well, you know what, my job and me cheating are two different things.
• 9:00
  Like what I do at home and what my wife is or is not gonna deal with has nothing to do with the owner of NFL or these NFL players, all of whom I'm sure are cheating on their spouses too.
• 9:11
  So they're not gonna start throwing stones publicly.
• 9:14
  but these men, NFL Insiders do stuff like, maybe they're not flirting or cheating with the coaches, but Sure.
• 9:20
  They're taking them out.
• 9:21
  They're.
• 9:22
  Going on vacations with them, like how do you think you get scoops?
• 9:24
  Like you have to build these types of relationships, but for women, sure, she may have crossed a line, but guys can probably cross lines in other ways that are seen as acceptable ways to violate this quote unquote journalistic integrity.
• 9:37
  drea: yeah, I agree.
• 9:38
  She made it worse by just quitting.
• 9:40
  and the only thing I can think of, she wasn't ready for that backlash, 'cause they going drag her.
• 9:45
  They gonna drag her.
• 9:46
  But obviously stood strong.
• 9:48
  'cause like work and personal was that got to do with each other.
• 9:52
  Right.
• 9:53
  to me, I look at it as if, like, I work with people dying daily.
• 9:59
  So if I have someone who dies in my life, still gotta come to work and present.
• 10:03
  I still gotta do my job, And if her job wasn't affected by her cheating, then shit, I mean, I don't know why she dropped that money, honey.
• 10:14
  keya: I think for women though, they put the onus on us.
• 10:19
  So no matter who, or if we walked into it mutually to be like, yeah, we gonna fuck on each other and not our spouses.
• 10:28
  for this weekend, the onus always goes to the woman.
• 10:32
  Like it's never, the man should be blamed.
• 10:36
  I think it's easier to blame the woman because then it's, she used her prow where she.
• 10:45
  She was seducing.
• 10:47
  It's what she wore.
• 10:48
  It's always like, oh, know, she caused it, she did it.
• 10:54
  It was her hair flip.
• 10:55
  It was her, her,
• 10:59
  she wasn't care of home.
• 11:02
  so many things that they put into blaming us.
• 11:06
  So I feel like she quit because she couldn't handle the heat and it wouldn't stop for her.
• 11:14
  Like for him, they'd be like, oh, he's just a man.
• 11:17
  that boys will be boys, but for women, they will go on and on and on and it's, and if she has kids, I don't know.
• 11:26
  'cause y'all know, I don't give a damn about sports.
• 11:28
  I don't know.
• 11:28
  Vonnie: Just two boys, young kids
• 11:31
  keya: it's
• 11:32
  Vonnie: school age.
• 11:32
  keya: How do you think your children are gonna feel?
• 11:35
  you ruined a home.
• 11:37
  All this.
• 11:38
  Meanwhile, dude that she was cheating with did the same thing, but he's not gonna get that.
• 11:44
  It's only gonna be her.
• 11:46
  I see like her, for her it's like, let me just fade to the background and hopefully it'll stop.
• 11:53
  And maybe sometime, you know, years from now, I'll be able to pop back into it.
• 12:00
  drea: I agree.
• 12:01
  keya: think for her, it wouldn't stop.
• 12:03
  drea: I agree.
• 12:04
  But I feel like that as women we always bow out when it comes to stuff like this, right?
• 12:14
  And I look at this as, girl, if you was bold enough to do it, then stand behind it.
• 12:19
  Like, here's your chance to say like, Look at us both foul, you know?
• 12:24
  and I think that we often take that route because of the shame.
• 12:29
  But my thing is, is if you was doing it then,
• 12:30
  enough to swing on a man, you better be woman of get hit back.
• 12:34
  Vonnie: Right.
• 12:35
  drea: what if he wasn't raised that, that or has that tolerance?
• 12:37
  Like, like I, I totally see and understand 'cause.
• 12:41
  You want it to go away, the shame your children, But girl, you knew what you was doing.
• 12:46
  So, and you in a man's world in this career.
• 12:51
  So you should have had a little more thickness, in my opinion, to your skin, honey.
• 12:57
  Vonnie: No, I agree.
• 12:58
  And I think that to both your points, they were gonna comfort her hard and it probably wasn't going to stop as quickly.
• 13:06
  I mean, I can't imagine coming from all angles the way Twitter is and I think she thought.
• 13:11
  These are the only pictures out there, even though they have been doing it.
• 13:14
  like you said, the onus is on the woman, but the onus is also on the woman in the relationship because when the guys cheating people, turn it around to, okay, well what type of woman were you?
• 13:25
  Why were you holding down home?
• 13:27
  Why does he wanna cheat?
• 13:28
  And so that's why what I see, and people were showing Meg and she cooked Thanksgiving dinner for Clay and his whole family, and people were like.
• 13:37
  She's a badie.
• 13:38
  She has money.
• 13:39
  And look at her ladies tell you, rest of you working women, see how she's also cooking and doing all this stuff, and yet it's never good enough.
• 13:50
  You know?
• 13:50
  So that's why when I see all this stuff and they talk about what women are wearing and high value, low value it, the goalpost keeps moving for what a woman has to be in order to quote unquote, not being cheat on.
• 14:06
  You know, how you not get cheated on, you don't get with a cheater because people who
• 14:12
  keya: part.
• 14:12
  Vonnie: don't cheat won't cheat on you regardless of any of that stuff, so,
• 14:17
  keya: Exactly, because
• 14:18
  drea: am still stuck with the career.
• 14:19
  Like I guess I look at it as more people would talk about her as you slept your way to the top,
• 14:25
  Vonnie: mm-hmm.
• 14:26
  drea: anybody else you're sleeping with?
• 14:27
  keya: yep.
• 14:28
  Vonnie: Yep.
• 14:28
  drea: anytime, know, And, I lost my train of but like you in the career force, right?
• 14:32
  Vonnie: Right.
• 14:33
  In all industries.
• 14:34
  drea: they always think, oh, who she sleep with or who she get to, you know, things like that.
• 14:39
  Vonnie: Yep.
• 14:39
  And the same with Kamala.
• 14:40
  They did the same thing because I think she dated somebody in the,
• 14:43
  keya: drug her.
• 14:44
  Vonnie: But my thing is, what if she.
• 14:47
  Slept with every coach to get stories and scoops.
• 14:51
  What does that matter to you?
• 14:53
  How she chooses to live her personal life?
• 14:56
  You are like, if she doesn't have that moral whatever, that's on her, right?
• 15:00
  But are the stories true?
• 15:02
  is she getting a jump on the guys?
• 15:05
  Because like there are things that they can do and go to like saunas or sometimes they go to golf clubs and some that exclude women.
• 15:12
  So she has to kind of get in where she fits in.
• 15:15
  Like you, this is harder for women to get into, you know, following the NFL and getting, becoming an insider than FL.
• 15:21
  And so I get for women who didn't go that route or don't go that route, they may feel slighted or like, I have to work five times harder.
• 15:29
  And here you are, you know, to get stories.
• 15:32
  Well, hey, that's her moral, whatever.
• 15:34
  You know what I mean?
• 15:35
  But like, why do we, for the.
• 15:39
  keya: We care
• 15:40
  Vonnie: Right.
• 15:40
  Like that's between her and her husband, ain't it?
• 15:43
  keya: Right.
• 15:44
  Vonnie: the end of the day,
• 15:44
  keya: And I don't even understand too, like it's what they put out there the most, like, you know how they put out there the most with this prevalent.
• 15:53
  Oh, black people are violent.
• 15:55
  So I think with the women, they put it out there so much.
• 16:00
  'cause what about the gay journalist men?
• 16:03
  Like, you know what I'm saying?
• 16:04
  Vonnie: I mean, they could be on the down low for all we know.
• 16:07
  keya: say anything.
• 16:09
  'cause baby, know it's happening,
• 16:11
  Vonnie: Yep.
• 16:12
  keya: it's never reported on, it's always reported when the woman is cheating.
• 16:18
  Like it's always what they want the narrative to be is always being pushed.
• 16:23
  So it's always going to be they that the woman slept her way to the top.
• 16:29
  The woman slept with somebody to get the story.
• 16:31
  Well what about the dude who in there doing the same?
• 16:35
  Vonnie: they even caught like the owner of the NFL Patriots.
• 16:37
  And they caught him up in a sting with a massage parlor, I think in Florida or whatnot.
• 16:43
  And he was getting happy endings, but they were trying to put that on the hush.
• 16:46
  But what if the men inside insiders, their offering up escorts, prostitutes, do you know it's the same game?
• 16:55
  It really comes back down to money because once you have these inside scoops that's going to change betting odds for this and that.
• 17:04
  And now you're dealing in money.
• 17:06
  So that's why they're important.
• 17:07
  Otherwise why do we care?
• 17:09
  So I think that's crazy.
• 17:11
  And like you said, for women, the goal post keeps moving, but there's less smoke on the guys for doing all that stuff.
• 17:17
  Like women, you have multiple different children with different guys.
• 17:20
  Okay, but what about all these guys that have multiple children with different women,
• 17:24
  keya: the children right?
• 17:25
  What about all the guys that made the multiple children?
• 17:28
  I don't think it's ever, ever, ever going to be point where it's like, we can sit down with both parties and here's where your blame lies.
• 17:40
  Or just get to the point of it ain't none of your damn business.
• 17:46
  Like,
• 17:47
  Vonnie: Right.
• 17:47
  keya: don't care who.
• 17:50
  Homegirl opening her legs to who do slinging wood to like, Hey, I still don't see how any of it is my business.
• 18:01
  what you doing behind your closed doors is what you doing.
• 18:03
  And like Drea said earlier, like, social media tearing everybody up
• 18:11
  Vonnie: Turn it up.
• 18:12
  keya: baby, I'm so glad we still had dial up and camera phones was
• 18:18
  Vonnie: Right.
• 18:18
  keya: a thing.
• 18:19
  Vonnie: Right.
• 18:20
  keya: I, yeah, everybody, everybody has a ca, brother is everywhere.
• 18:25
  Vonnie: You can't.
• 18:26
  Yeah.
• 18:27
  keya: You can't do it.
• 18:28
  my thing is, is like, and y'all know this, so if y'all going to do better learn a better way to do it because you're getting caught then the woman knows is always going to be on me because I still don't understand.
• 18:44
  Like when I seen that Clay and Meg thing and I was like,
• 18:50
  Right.
• 18:51
  Clay makes the whole saying true that these, sports figures cannot be in a monogamous relationship because they just go and go and go homegirl in the gym, getting her body right.
• 19:07
  She cooking, like you said, and everybody like, Ooh, look at her.
• 19:10
  she got a career and being a stay at home quote unquote wife and dude was still like, right.
• 19:17
  So I wanted to go sling wood over to.
• 19:20
  That chick over there 'cause she just looked good to me today.
• 19:24
  So there's like not a reason
• 19:27
  Vonnie: It's usually a downgrade too.
• 19:28
  you're like, really?
• 19:29
  that's what you did,
• 19:31
  keya: That's what you did.
• 19:32
  Vonnie: right?
• 19:32
  keya: cool.
• 19:33
  Vonnie: Arnold Schwartzenegger with the maid.
• 19:35
  You're with Maria Shriver.
• 19:36
  Like, you can have anybody you want to and then just 'cause the maid was right there, like there's no bottom for these guys.
• 19:44
  Like, you know, it means nothing to them.
• 19:47
  keya: coochie.
• 19:48
  Vonnie: And then the onus and the woman to forgive, to keep the family together, Like for what?
• 19:53
  keya: oh, it always is.
• 19:55
  Oh my God, that is so like, you should forgive him.
• 19:59
  It was a moment of weakness.
• 20:02
  But then when it happens the other way around, the, oh my God,
• 20:06
  Vonnie: She's for the streets
• 20:08
  keya: she's for the streets.
• 20:10
  You can't trust the hoe.
• 20:12
  You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
• 20:15
  Vonnie: all up.
• 20:16
  keya: all
• 20:17
  drea: I've
• 20:17
  keya: ugh,
• 20:18
  drea: been told I met you in the streets, so you gonna stay in the streets.
• 20:24
  keya: bullshit for.
• 20:25
  Vonnie: Right.
• 20:27
  I mean, you can't win in that situation.
• 20:29
  Like the onus should always be on the person cheating.
• 20:33
  Like there's the fault that other person, like whoever is the victim, there was nothing they could do.
• 20:40
  There was nothing that you could have.
• 20:42
  You can make the most money, you can have the nicest house, you can buy them, all the things you can cook, you can do whatever they want in the bedroom.
• 20:51
  You can't be with anybody 24 7.
• 20:54
  And if in that 30 minutes you weren't together, he sees somebody and they're down and he's down, it's over for you.
• 21:03
  drea: I think that like celebrities and sports people, they have it hard because you're constantly traveling.
• 21:10
  You're constantly, like the other person has to be very secure.
• 21:14
  And so we do see successful relationships celebrities and social media.
• 21:20
  Some of them we just don't know what happened behind closed doors or what kind of understanding they have,
• 21:25
  Vonnie: Right.
• 21:26
  drea: and nowadays like things are so different.
• 21:28
  you have people who are in poly relationships.
• 21:30
  You have people who are in open relationships.
• 21:33
  You have people who give each other passes, course you'd have to have those conversations, I would think ahead of time.
• 21:37
  Right?
• 21:39
  But it really just depends on the situation.
• 21:42
  But sometimes I wonder, do they cheat because they're on the road for so long and maybe their significant other can't be there?
• 21:50
  But, yeah, it definitely isn't at fault of others.
• 21:54
  I mean, I think sometimes some people do get cheated on because just not fulfilling the person that they're with, and that should be a conversation to just move on.
• 22:03
  but cheating's one of those complicated but yet not complicated.
• 22:08
  It's really a choice.
• 22:09
  it's really a discipline within yourself.
• 22:13
  it's a way out.
• 22:15
  The consequence of if they find out if you lose them, it's having a focus on you adore about the person you're with versus what you are out there seeking.
• 22:26
  But opportunity, I think, arises for people who are everywhere.
• 22:32
  if I was like a celebrity, I don't think I would cheat.
• 22:35
  'cause I wouldn't trust nah, motherfucking dude to not blow up my spot.
• 22:39
  Like, and especially these men, like these men, a lot of these women get in their feelings, then all of a sudden they're like, I wanna be more than what I am.
• 22:47
  And they blast you.
• 22:49
  men can't even handle a woman.
• 22:52
  dating other men.
• 22:53
  And
• 22:54
  Vonnie: Right.
• 22:54
  drea: you're not even in a relationship yet.
• 22:56
  So, I think that men don't forgive.
• 23:00
  So if a woman does cheat, her husband may not forgive her honey, the coach, oh, his wife's probably gonna forgive him.
• 23:08
  keya: Oh baby.
• 23:08
  She's gonna forgive
• 23:09
  drea: right.
• 23:11
  keya: will forgive very quickly.
• 23:12
  drea: With that much money, I would just make sure that I'm stacking it and I think I would forgive too and stack my accounts until I'm ready to dip.
• 23:21
  Okay.
• 23:22
  Like,
• 23:23
  keya: and
• 23:23
  drea: I'm getting your money, that's
• 23:25
  Vonnie: Like I'm saying,
• 23:25
  keya: that's, she would be smart to do that.
• 23:28
  Like, that's what I'm saying, like if you're gonna do it, definitely stack your money.
• 23:32
  'cause like, and I think that's where those women, like in those positions go wrong.
• 23:36
  Like, you're not stacking the money or they figure, I know he's been doing it and I enjoy the lifestyle.
• 23:45
  Forget what he's doing.
• 23:47
  I don't care.
• 23:48
  So maybe it could be that
• 23:50
  Vonnie: it could be.
• 23:50
  keya: she done told him we passed 10 years, bro.
• 23:56
  no prenup.
• 23:57
  Yeah.
• 23:58
  Try.
• 23:59
  Vonnie: It could be an agreement or you can say like, okay, look, during the season it's whatever.
• 24:05
  When you're at home, don't do, there can be all kinds of rules.
• 24:08
  I think this goes back to a few episodes and we were talking about, um, controlling, and you're talking about the second Kia for you, and there are women who, to Andrea's point, are fine with open relationships, want a poly relationship.
• 24:29
  These men don't go after those women.
• 24:31
  Like, why aren't you while you're in it or whatnot doing that.
• 24:38
  keya: I think also to your point of why don't they just get the person who's on the same stuff that they're on, they don't think about it in that way because in their mind it's, I need the woman that I can take home to meet Mama.
• 24:56
  inherently if she out in the streets just like you out in the streets, then can't, I can't take that one home to meet mama.
• 25:05
  So I have the one that is at home being faithful 'cause you're going to give that image that I want my mama to see, or I want my boys to see.
• 25:19
  But meanwhile, on the side, you, you in the streets with the quote unquote ho while.
• 25:26
  Messing over quote unquote good girl at home, and that's the jacked up part about it.
• 25:35
  Vonnie: especially when they have all that money.
• 25:37
  There's someone like Drea who is fine with situation ships with the right context, who'd be fine if you're throwing money her way and not saying she's a gold digger, but I'm saying if you guys were like, talked about it upfront and he's like.
• 25:51
  while I'm out there, it's whatever.
• 25:54
  I'm not going to embarrass you.
• 25:56
  Whatever.
• 25:56
  You know what I mean?
• 25:57
  she's like, I get my own house.
• 25:59
  You can stay over there.
• 26:01
  We'll meet up three times a week.
• 26:02
  Like that's probably her perfect marriage.
• 26:04
  Right.
• 26:06
  drea: can you live next door?
• 26:08
  yeah, I, too, like it's a level of respect because my thing is, is like if, if you're gonna flirt or if you're gonna do something, you better make sure that nobody that's my family or friends see that shit.
• 26:24
  better not see that shit.
• 26:25
  I think sometimes too, it comes from like insecurity and or their ego.
• 26:30
  The ego is like, oh, I can do this.
• 26:32
  I can have whoever I want.
• 26:34
  Vonnie: Well allow them to make an informed decision about the life they wanna lead.
• 26:37
  That's all I'm trying to say.
• 26:38
  drea: and, I think like if we're Cardi B, she was married, right?
• 26:42
  So at first she's like, okay, what's real, what's not?
• 26:45
  I'm trying to save my marriage.
• 26:46
  Can we make this work?
• 26:48
  They're both out there traveling, doing what they're doing.
• 26:51
  Meg was simply, it's still in the dating phase, right?
• 26:54
  They're still, yeah, they met family and stuff like that, but she jumped out at the right time.
• 26:59
  Right?
• 27:01
  Vonnie: Yeah.
• 27:01
  drea: Cardi B was one of those women who was hoping for a positive outcome and a change.
• 27:07
  Like she was fighting for her marriage.
• 27:09
  And once she was ready, like she, she put it out there.
• 27:12
  I think that's why a lot of people like her.
• 27:14
  Is because she's like, yeah, I'm a pop and I popped on social media and motherfuckers see this shit, but this, think about it, many women who have been through what she went through, pop like that, we just don't see it.
• 27:25
  Vonnie: Yep,
• 27:25
  drea: don't see what they're saying, what they're feeling, what they're going through.
• 27:28
  So I think that's what made her personable and real to other people because she's not the only one that went through that shit, And like I said, Meg, she did the right thing.
• 27:38
  If you're not happy or you think this is what he's gonna do and you're not gonna deal with it, then move on.
• 27:44
  and I'm sure she at home feeling some kind of way, which is okay, but at least she moved on before it got ugly and dirty and she got drug through because there's pictures or some shit,
• 27:54
  keya: I definitely feel that too.
• 27:55
  And like on your line about, Cardi B like, her trying to fix it.
• 28:02
  And I think too, 'cause she's even said and like one of her songs that a lot of men think, I done put X amount of babies in you.
• 28:12
  Another man.
• 28:13
  Ain't no other man finna one to take care of nobody else's, shorty and sir, just like you wanted it, else will with kids and all.
• 28:24
  And I think that's how she got caught up in that other situation with dude.
• 28:30
  But that's definitely like, yeah.
• 28:33
  So it is, it's, she was searching for love.
• 28:36
  She got caught up in, dude told her, offset told her, Hey, ain't nobody gonna want you baby.
• 28:42
  She's a woman and she has a coochie.
• 28:46
  There's a dude that's always gonna want her, like I, and she's Cardi B at that.
• 28:50
  drea: She could pay for her own shit.
• 28:52
  Vonnie: Right,
• 28:52
  drea: she is not providing you financial problems.
• 28:57
  Okay.
• 28:57
  Vonnie: Well and I think it's funny because there are women who are getting the same treatment and yet he's broke.
• 29:02
  Like you're dealing with it and what does he have?
• 29:05
  You can't even say like, okay, well at least he's an NFL football coach making millions a year.
• 29:11
  Or he's a basketball player making millions a year.
• 29:13
  Like you're getting it, Brandon makes 8 25 an hour.
• 29:18
  he's it doesn't matter.
• 29:20
  they will do it regardless.
• 29:21
  keya: Not 8 75.
• 29:25
  Vonnie: I gave him a little over minimum wage, but not a living wage.
• 29:28
  Like you're struggling with this guy.
• 29:31
  it's crazy putting up with that.
• 29:32
  But like I'm saying, there's no perfect, you can't make someone not cheat on you.
• 29:39
  There's nothing you can do.
• 29:40
  drea: Yeah, because it's not about you, it's about them.
• 29:44
  Vonnie: Yeah.
• 29:44
  drea: really is about them.
• 29:46
  It's about what they're going through their decision.
• 29:48
  It doesn't matter how amazing you might be to them or you feel you are to yourself.
• 29:53
  It really goes down to the other person who cheated, made that choice.
• 29:57
  They have the opportunity, they took it
• 29:59
  So it, it doesn't matter.
• 30:01
  It, it just shows that who people think are the most amazing people out there are getting cheated on.
• 30:08
  So, fluffy girls, racist girls, whatever it is, it could happen.
• 30:14
  It's just fighting the right person who actually adores you.
• 30:17
  Vonnie: Yeah.
• 30:17
  drea: find the person who loves your dirty draws and worships you if you don't want someone to cheat on you, because, I don't know, sometimes them pretty boys think they, bad about it.
• 30:29
  But women cheat too, so,
• 30:30
  Vonnie: Mm-hmm.
• 30:31
  drea: It, it's, I want everybody to understand women cheat too.
• 30:35
  Vonnie: Women cheat too.
• 30:36
  And I just think that, it's usually on that other side.
• 30:39
  Like he's the nicest guy.
• 30:41
  you can't be nice enough.
• 30:42
  You can't be strong enough.
• 30:44
  You can't be protective enough as a man.
• 30:46
  Like if she's going to do that, she's gonna find something if she's a cheater, right?
• 30:53
  I, there are some people I think who can compartmentalize, meaning they do care about you and all those things they're saying are true.
• 31:01
  But then they can push you to the side in the back of their brain and then still go out and do those things that are hurtful and that are the exact opposite of the things that they're saying to you.
• 31:12
  keya: I definitely used to be one of those ones that would compartmentalize.
• 31:17
  'cause baby, I love you.
• 31:19
  just, over here.
• 31:20
  It was fun.
• 31:21
  Um, I, I love you though.
• 31:25
  Just, just know that
• 31:27
  drea: I don't know if you guys watch Love in Hip Hop, um, but it makes me think of which we can talk about another day.
• 31:33
  But, um, what's that?
• 31:35
  Comedian, uh, Blackson, um, his name?
• 31:41
  Blackson.
• 31:41
  if you watch Love and Hip Hop, their relationship with his girl finally has come to surface and they, I've been kind of following them for a minute before they even came to love and hip hop and how have, like, his girl was okay with him having a girl sometimes, but there was rules to it.
• 31:59
  And when he broke that rule and ended up getting some girl pregnant, and that girl feels like that's her man.
• 32:05
  Vonnie: that's the thing that even when you have that and you set rules and she's, it's still not good enough.
• 32:12
  If there are rules in there and all you had to do was not violate, violate those rules, then it gets to be that's not exciting enough.
• 32:19
  Because that I think is what, that's the dopamine hit.
• 32:25
  You know, that's always something where that's not good enough
• 32:28
  keya: Right, because I'm about say it is about the thrill, like was alluding to.
• 32:33
  'cause like before I found the Lord, he, it was always about the thrill.
• 32:39
  It literally like, it's just, can I do that?
• 32:44
  Can, can
• 32:45
  drea: Get away with it.
• 32:46
  keya: can I get away with that?
• 32:48
  Like, so I think in men and women like who are just on that, it literally is just about the instant gratification, the thrill.
• 33:00
  And it's like, okay, cool.
• 33:03
  I got away with that.
• 33:04
  Cool.
• 33:05
  Let me try this.
• 33:06
  So it's like you said, vni it, you're constantly chasing that high,
• 33:10
  Vonnie: Well, that's why I asked you about, you know, with Voldemort and when you guys were both cheating, and that's why I had questions about what clicked over or what clicks in your brain where then that's okay.
• 33:21
  And then in that case you were like, well, once he cheated.
• 33:25
  Then it's the bar was crossed, right?
• 33:28
  And so
• 33:29
  keya: Yeah.
• 33:30
  Vonnie: is it cheating or are we just doing what we do now?
• 33:33
  keya: It is like Drea said, like once I found out, like, oh, I, to be cool, but you was, you know what, say less pimp.
• 33:44
  I got you.
• 33:45
  Because don't worry, I don't wanna play the game, but trust I know how
• 33:50
  drea: Because I promise it's gonna hurt you more than it hurt me.
• 33:53
  Vonnie: Alexa, play creep by TLC.
• 33:56
  keya: Exactly.
• 33:57
  drea: I was raised by that song.
• 34:00
  keya: me and best friend was laughing last night.
• 34:03
  'cause I literally said saving grace with the last one was the fact that I found the Lord.
• 34:10
  'cause baby yo.
• 34:14
  Yeah.
• 34:15
  I, I'd have been outside.
• 34:17
  I ain't going like
• 34:18
  Vonnie: He really would've been hurt
• 34:20
  keya: really would've been hurt.
• 34:22
  'cause if I
• 34:22
  Vonnie: with his attitude.
• 34:24
  Hurt,
• 34:24
  keya: girl
• 34:25
  Vonnie: hurt,
• 34:26
  keya: the lie
• 34:27
  Vonnie: hurt,
• 34:28
  keya: and I wasn't, yo.
• 34:31
  Vonnie: like let me show you the difference.
• 34:34
  keya: see.
• 34:34
  drea: If you want me, you will show me with your actions, your words.
• 34:39
  If you want me, you will make me feel secure.
• 34:42
  If you want me, you will help lead me.
• 34:44
  Just because I'm an independent single woman, I'm not one of those, oh my God, I'm independent.
• 34:49
  I don't lead a man.
• 34:50
  No.
• 34:50
  you got to be able to come with something.
• 34:53
  And it doesn't mean that you have to make more money than me.
• 34:56
  But if I have trash outside my fucking door and you come to my house and you go to leave, that trash should be gone.
• 35:03
  When you fucking left too, bro.
• 35:05
  keya: When
• 35:05
  drea: Like,
• 35:05
  keya: do you feel
• 35:06
  drea: like I left it out there for a reason.
• 35:10
  keya: Yes.
• 35:10
  drea: I live upstairs.
• 35:11
  keya: I got a need and you don't feel it,
• 35:13
  drea: right.
• 35:14
  keya: we good.
• 35:15
  drea: my light is out.
• 35:16
  Why should I have to call my son if I have you?
• 35:19
  keya: Period.
• 35:20
  drea: my dream is that when I get the man, it may sound silly, but it's not.
• 35:25
  I saw this when I was 18 years old.
• 35:27
  I drive all day long.
• 35:29
  I'm constantly needing gas.
• 35:31
  I don't like to stop to get gas.
• 35:32
  I don't at night.
• 35:34
  It's not safe.
• 35:35
  I don't care if you take my debit card, but I want you to ask me every day, baby, you need gas?
• 35:40
  Go fill my tank up.
• 35:41
  I don't wanna go get my oil changed, even though I know how they got drive through ones now I don't wanna do it, guys.
• 35:47
  There's a lot of shit in my life that I want relieved, doesn't always have to be financial.
• 35:53
  Vonnie: Oh man, when I know I'm on E and I go and like, back before pandemic when I was gonna work all the time and I go to start my car because I'm like, oh, let me go to the gas station.
• 36:03
  And my tank was full because my husband in the middle of the night went and filled the tank up.
• 36:07
  I was just like, like you said, it's like I didn't even, I didn't even ask,
• 36:12
  yeah.
• 36:13
  drea: I love that for you
• 36:14
  what I'm looking for.
• 36:15
  Listen,
• 36:16
  keya: And that's where I'm at too, because I never thought I was going to be there.
• 36:21
  'cause it's like, oh okay look, I'm gonna get out, hop out, do this.
• 36:24
  But now literally you see my tank on eat, fill that shit up.
• 36:28
  You see I need a car wash.
• 36:30
  Go wash my car.
• 36:30
  'cause I don't wanna do it anymore.
• 36:32
  So like I love that for Yvonne.
• 36:34
  'cause I promise you that's where I am too.
• 36:36
  Like be that thoughtful.
• 36:39
  Be that thoughtful.
• 36:41
  drea: it's the little things that people seem to forget.
• 36:44
  and I think sometimes that's why people cheat is because they look at big things instead of the little things that everybody does for them.
• 36:51
  Like our homegirls.
• 36:52
  It's the little things, when I see you key, I might drop you some earrings.
• 36:55
  It's the little things.
• 36:56
  It's not those big things.
• 36:58
  It's the little things that take away of the thoughtful or make my day just a little easier.
• 37:04
  Finances would be amazing.
• 37:05
  Yes.
• 37:06
  I wouldn't work so much.
• 37:07
  However, it's them little things.
• 37:10
  keya: It definitely is the little things.
• 37:12
  'cause like you said, like you see me It is always a little trinket or a little, it's the, oh, you thought about me today.
• 37:19
  So, no, it doesn't have to be this big grand gesture, but oh, dang.
• 37:24
  Like, and you know me.
• 37:26
  But like, you actually took the time to know me.
• 37:29
  Like, you understand me, you get it.
• 37:31
  So everything that you do is tailored to my life, my lifestyle.
• 37:37
  So those little things mean the most, the most.
• 37:42
  drea: part.
• 37:42
  like, dirt keeps flying in your door.
• 37:44
  And I was like, I know what the fuck.
• 37:46
  Next thing you know, he got me one of the little door stop things and the dirt don't come in no more.
• 37:50
  Vonnie: That's awesome.
• 37:51
  drea: just that those things matter when someone is independent paying their own bills.
• 37:58
  keya: Hey, chatty.
• 37:59
  Hey chatty.
• 38:01
  Thank y'all for joining us on another great episode of what the group chats say.
• 38:07
  please like, subscribe, share, and comment.
• 38:11
  follow us on all things social and we'll see you on the next episode of what the group chats say.