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iAlign #63 - The Test You Set by Going Quiet · The iAlign Podcast with Flint Mitchell

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to the I Align podcast with Flint Mitchell, where I provide stories, resources, and tools for ambitious builders who are ready to gain control over procrastination, overthinking, and distraction.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I get lonely during the holidays, no matter how many loving friends or family that I have around me.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that loneliness used to be a trigger for me to overthink, scroll social media, play video games, overeat, have one too many drinks at dinner, and otherwise just end my years on really disappointing notes, leaving me to feel stagnant and behind with no clear momentum going into the next year.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're looking a little too Sith Lord right there.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Flint Mitchell from Ioline.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I went from a life of stagnation, overthinking, scrolling, and feeling behind to one of clear, consistent, confident action, authenticity, and freedom.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Loneliness can lead us to a vicious negative feedback loop because it will lead us to isolate further.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: One time during the holidays, I was having a particularly rough time.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't feeling appreciated by the people around me, or probably by myself as well.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel checked in on, which led to me feeling a bit alone, which led to me actually being, practically speaking, a bit more alone than usual.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that led me to feel a bit lonely.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I saw some ridiculous video on Instagram back when I used to Doom Scroll, where your feed, if you didn't know this, is really just there to invoke emotion in you.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the easiest emotions to capture is anger.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so your feed will constantly supply you with things that will make you feel some amount of frustration or anger because it's easy to catch your emotion or your attention.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I watched some video that rage baited me effectively, well played.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the point of it was kind of bitter.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was saying, other people aren't going to reach out and I have to do the work all the time.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Then I'll just test them by not reaching out for a week.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And two interesting things happened.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: One, because I was focused on the negative.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: When people didn't reach out, I paid more attention to that and I allowed it to reinforce the loop that I was lonely.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And when I did get someone saying hi to me, I didn't pay as much attention to it.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't emotionally accept it as proof that I shouldn't feel as lonely, because I was focused on the negative.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So even when people did check on me, it wasn't enough for me.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't enough subconsciously.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if your perspective is focused on the negative and doesn't accept the positive, which there tends to be lots of in life all the time, we just filter it out when we're in these low moods, or rather, when I did this, I ended up isolating myself more, both physically and emotionally.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Physically meaning I actually stayed alone, and emotionally meaning I cut myself off from those people, even if they did love me and care about me, which they did.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is at the end of the year is chaos for everyone.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was acting entitled by thinking that I must receive attention or validation or appreciation without any effort, even when other people's lives are chaotic and noisy.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone needs a little help, including us, especially during the end of the year.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And reaching out for that help is the solution.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas shutting down as a reaction to feeling lonely is actually a demonstration of a lack of emotional intelligence.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And to be clear, I don't want that to come off as an attack.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that if you do that, like I did that, then in that place, I was acting without emotional intelligence.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if your tendencies were like mine back then, where your reaction to negative emotions or to stress or to loneliness is to shut down and then to binge whatever your poison of choice is and to avoid and to isolate further, that is the recipe for a lonely, sad end of the year that will require tons of energy in the new year to turn it around.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because the stress and the chaos of the holidays, it doesn't end until it's actually over.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to know in the comments.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever gotten lonely during the holidays?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know I have.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: And how did you react to it?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: How did you respond to that moment?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did you shut down and isolate a little bit?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Were you actually alone?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or were you surrounded by people but still felt alone?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with you for any answer.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: But how did you respond to that situation?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because the holidays are coming up and those stressors will present themselves again.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Did you let the sadness or the loneliness lead to late nights or binging social media, doom scrolling, YouTube, bloodshot eyes, overeating, feeling down about yourself, waking up too late and not getting a good start on the next day?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: If so, realize that will likely happen again this year if you don't find healthy ways of handling those emotions before they show up.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: The sadness and loneliness felt at the end of the year is one of the most common drivers of behaviors that can lead to vicious negative feedback loops and consequences that increase sadness and loneliness.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Having healthy methods of handling these emotions can prepare you to turn these negative or low moments into productive or fulfilling ones that will allow for you to end your year on a high note instead of a low one, where instead of isolation, you feel connection because you establish connection.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I'm Flint Mitchell from Ioline.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you like this video, please share it with just one person who you think might also enjoy it.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like more stories and resources and content on building a life of authenticity, confidence, and freedom, please follow and subscribe as well.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Peace.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed that episode.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've been told your entire life that you're smart and you have potential, but you continue to see yourself not do what you said you would do again and again, and it's made you stop trusting in yourself or that you will ever achieve that potential, I want to help you.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Together, you and I will implement a core value-based system that will help you become decisive and focused.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to feel the relief from the weight on your shoulders because of the decreased noise in your head.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Strength each morning because you trust yourself to turn lost avoidant hours of your life into forward progress.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Peace, when you no longer have to hide how you actually spend your time.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, pride in yourself when you close your eyes every night before you go to sleep.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: If that's of interest to you, click the first link in the show notes, fill out the 30 second application, and grab a time on my calendar.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Spots are obviously limited because of my time and availability, but if they fill up and you're a good fit, I'll make sure you get on the wait list.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to speaking with you.