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From Conflict to Connection: Parenting Teens with Confidence · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And today I want to talk about parenting teenagers or multiple teenagers.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because parenting is one of the toughest jobs we're gonna have.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I think second guessing ourselves in our parenting happens all the time.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe you're at that stage where you're staring at your kids and you don't know where their attitude is coming from or why they're making the choices that they're making.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um you're just wondering to yourself, is this normal?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, should I have handled something differently?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to say, first of all, that you're not alone.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm the parent of five myself.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I have kids from the preteens all the way into their 20s now.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to maybe offer a slight perspective shift and to help with some of that self-doubt that you might be spiraling into.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just talk about why it feels different as our kids are getting older.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: When our kids are little, we do have this built-in support system.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Other parents are asking the same questions, like when did your baby start walking?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: When did they start, well, when did they start sitting up?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: When did they start eating regular food?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Are they still bed wetting?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we we there was a community of questions.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: But when your teen starts to come home with, you know, attitude, or maybe they are, um, maybe you find a vape, or maybe social media is getting in the way.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: It is we start to feel alone because there is a sense of I should be able to handle this.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: And most parents will stop talking to each other.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost as if there's this shame that comes along with not knowing necessarily how to handle, um, how to handle the situations that are coming up and and self-doubt around, am I being an okay parent, or if I were a better parent, this wouldn't be happening.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, David Yeager's research in 10 to 25 actually does talk about something that we often forget, which is the teenage brain is wired for risk taking, boundary pushing, and rebellion.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not a reflection on your failure as a parent, it's a reflection on their developmental need to figure out who they are and also their desire to be accepted by their social peers.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So if your teen is pushing back, it's actually kind of normal.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: And if they're making impulsive choices, also kind of normal.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if they're shutting you out, again, normal.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what's not normal is never making mistakes or never testing limits or never questioning authority.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually somewhat concerning because it means that they aren't learning to actually develop their own agency and autonomy.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so when they're when your teen rolls your eyes or ignores your advice, I often have to remind myself of this, and I want to share it with you that you're still their anchor, even if they don't show it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: They are listening to you.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: They're hearing what you're saying and it's getting filed away, and you're gonna see it come back sometime in the future.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: I've lived it with my own kids, and I know it's difficult when you're in it, but let's talk about how we navigate this without losing our sanity.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: You've heard me talk about it before, but mindful parenting isn't about preventing mistakes, it's about teaching through them.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of seeing their bad choices as a sign of failure in them or in you, it is about a moment to teach and not control.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, first of all, regulating your own emotions.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Teens do mirror us.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: So if we react with anger, they're going to start reacting with anger too.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: If we stay calm, it does model emotional regulation.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And start asking, not assuming.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of what were you thinking?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Actually ask, like walk me through what was going through your mind.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes we have to let natural consequences do some of the teaching.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of rescuing them from every single mistake, allowing them to have some of the impact because that impact will allow for growth.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then make sure that they know that they can always come to you, even when they mess up, because they're gonna mess up.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important that they know that even when they mess up, they've got you in their corner.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying that this is easy, it is hard.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely have lived through it and I'm continuing to live through it.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's messy, it's unpredictable, it's tiring, but second guessing yourself is not the answer either.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Reflection is important when we're when we are parenting.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: But it's important to remember that as a parent, you're guiding, you're not controlling, you're teaching, you're not fixing, you're supporting, you're not meant to suffocate.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And through it all, you're still the most important influence in their life, even if they act like they could absolutely care less about what it is that you're saying.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: Your presence matters more than you will ever know.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: I have to remind myself of that as well.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: So if any of this has resonated with you, please feel free to share it with another parent.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, if you feel like you could use some support in the parenting arena, I'm not gonna sit here and say I have all the answers, but absolutely having a support system through parenting can be really, really helpful.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so if you'd like to talk to me about parent coaching or just how coaching can help in other areas of your life, feel free to book a time with me anytime at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authenticme.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.