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3 Tips On How Not To Be So Awkward In Hard Moments · Unashamed Table Talk

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Didn't work out so well.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I just really need a cruise in my life.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_02: Cruise is okay, but I'd rather just get on a plane and get to where I want to be.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a no-nonsense kind of girl.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_03: But that's what I love about the cruise, is there is no nonsense.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like, once you get on the boat and do the little dumb thing with the boats and the life jackets, like you can just enjoy.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: With 5,000 people.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_03: But I don't ever stay around all the people.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_03: I like to be, I can get alone on a boat with 5,000 people.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_03: There's always an empty spot.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there is, but still.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we do have a cruise coming up, though.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: We do, and we need people to join us on the cruise.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: That's not what this was about at all.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: I know it wasn't really on a cruise right now.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I know, but I was just thinking about it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, we do have one coming up.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: If you're going, oh, I wish I was going on a cruise too.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I love Denise and BJ because they're so funny.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I don't think that's what they're thinking.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's probably what they're thinking.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: So and TV My Hurst is gonna be with us, and she is really funny.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: She is funny, she's a lot funner and funner.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: She is not funner.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: We are funner, but she's funny.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: Funner.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: All right, it is February 25th through the 28th.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: Fortnite cruise out of Galveston, Texas.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: And it's gonna be a lot of fun.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: We'll have uh the Starlight Lounge for our conference time, and we'll have a little mini conference every day of the c of the cruise and some worship, and it's gonna be really awesome.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then we'll have one of us will take turns bringing the word and yeah, we'd love for you to join us.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna be fun.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: One of the things I love about the cruise, like I know this is not what we got on here to talk about, but one of the things I love is it becomes a mission trip.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: It does.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: I will say that I love that the first year we did it, people kept coming in each day.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody was telling people about it, and then they would see all the ladies with these matching shirts or whatever, and started asking questions, and people started coming in that last day, which I didn't even know because I was the one to speak last, but I didn't even know half of what was going on until y'all told me.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: But y'all were talking about people came in and our regular attendees gave them their seat and sat on the floor.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: It was packed, and so that is so cool.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: That I mean, that goes to show you can make a mission trip anywhere.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, even last year we had a couple of couples that were their rooms were just down the hall from the conference area, and they kept hearing our worship, and so they just didn't like, hey, can we join y'all's church?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, we're like, Well, not really a church, but yeah, kind of like yeah, and this year it's gonna be even more awesome because we're in the big area, yeah.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: And actually the actual lounge where they have karaoke, whereas before we've been in like some room at the bottom of the boat at the end type thing where you it's not a place you would just pass by.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: So it'd be intentional, yes.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: So this is very exciting, yeah.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: So I am excited about that.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: That'll be good.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna be fun.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: So uh I flipping gears because you know, if we do that really without much notice, I was on social media, and we have this mutual friend of ours, Daisy, and she's really funny.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: She is funny, so funny.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: She cracks me up, but she has a ministry where she ministers to families that have lost children in their lives.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: And she posted on social media and it says basically, when someone loses a child, what are the most comforting things we can say or do?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: And what are some of the things even spoken with the kindest intentions that may unintentionally cause more pain?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: And she goes in and she shares a few things, and it just was I I love this post.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: First off, I've not lost a child like this.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: I have lost two children through abortion, so I do have that experience, but I've not lost a living child, and I don't ever want to understand that pain.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't want to be in the the widow club, and I don't want to be in the lost a child club.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, nobody wants to be in that nobody wants to do that.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: But I do have several really good friends that have experienced that loss, and so often we don't know what to say when somebody has lost somebody.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, whether it's a spouse, a a child, a sister, brother, cousin, whatever, doesn't matter.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_03: Loss is loss.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, I loss is not loss.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_03: I think that there's a significant difference in loss that comes when you lose a child or a spouse, obviously.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_03: But the point is, is that the pain is universal, you know?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I just thought this would be a great opportunity to just talk about this.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: And and also just kind of that we've talked about like the cliche Christian things before that we say, but you know, the things that bug me, you know, when someone dies and they're like, Heaven gained another angel.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: No, heaven didn't gain an angel.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: They gained a soul, a redeemed soul, if they knew the Lord, you know, and I know that probably makes some people, you know, uncomfortable, but heaven didn't gain an angel when your loved one died.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's not biblical, it's not biblical, yeah.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: But it is something that people say because it sounds sweet and it's but I believe that life continues in heaven.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: I think that it's eternal.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think it's just boring.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: I think that I mean scripture tells us that he's, you know, the father's building mansions, yeah, you know, like it's gonna be amazing.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I think that when our loved ones that know the Lord go to be with the Lord in heaven, they're living amazing lives.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I do think, I mean, again, I could be wrong, but I believe that I mean, there have been times when I'm like, Lord, would you just tell my mom that I do forgive her?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and I don't know, maybe he does or not, maybe she don't care because she's just singing holy, holy, holy.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: Right, you know, like I don't know, but it makes me feel good.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: And and I think that I I think that it's possible that God allows things to be, you know, known, maybe.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he may, he may, like, I don't know.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know either.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it could just be one of those things that I think it sounds good, so I want to believe it.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like Santa Claus.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: This is getting on a whole nother subject.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: I probably shouldn't even bring it up.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: We better just stay.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: We might better stay on days.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how long I can back it, but I've heard my pastor say something before about like there's the scripture about no more no tears in heaven.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no more tears in heaven.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: And he talks about that when that's mentioned, that that happens after the tribulation, like after Jesus comes back to get us.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: So he's saying that he believes that in heaven right now, that there are tears because they're seeing the sin and they're seeing what's happening here on this earth and that they're praying over us, like they're they're in one accord with the Lord.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Of does that make sense?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so that like they see.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: So if they see, if they know what's like I don't know if they can see us individual or if they just know what's happening, like all the stupid that's happening in our world right now.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like Clarence, yeah.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh, there goes Clarence going to, yeah, it's probably not like that.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't really know, but I think I I think I agree with them there, you know, that they they can see or they at least know they have a knowledge of the sin that has taken place and their hearts are torn and they are broken because they are crying for us to come to know the Lord so that we'll be in heaven.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:22
  unknown: Why did I bring that up?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it goes on the same same conversation is can can they see is it do they know what's going on?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and you know, I don't know.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like we my ex-she's my ex-mother-in-law, but I love her literally so much, and she was a huge part of my life.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, at one point my ex-mother-in-law lived with me and my husband, and she would introduce us as her daughter-in-law and son-in-law, and people would be like, how did how did that work?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like, but she loved my husband, loved my kids, the two that were not biologically her grandchildren as well.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: And she came to know the Lord later in life.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_03: And there are so many times that we've talked, you know, like they the kids called her mama, and you know, like Ashley is married now to this amazing guy that loves the Lord and that they're raising these beautiful three kids.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: And she's like, Oh, I just wish Mama could see this, you know, like she didn't get to witness that.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: And and I just, you know, like I just want to believe that she can.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: I just think that the Lord can just part the clouds for a minute, part the heavens, and just say, look at look at how good they're doing, you know.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I just wondering, like, if they know the bad that's taking place, do they know the good too?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: I I remember like when my dad was killed and everything, like, not when I was real little, but like when I I had a driver's license at this point, and I was so mad at God.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_02: But then I would mess up and I all the time, like I'd get drunk or whatever, and then I'd have those moments where I'd sit at the cemetery crying, and I would be like apologizing to my dad.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, because I was thinking he's looking down at me right now and seeing what an idiot I am, how much of a disappointment I must be to him.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't even know that that's biblical.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know Jesus then either, but you know, that was the way my brain thought is that he's in heaven and he's seeing all of these things, and I don't know that he can or not.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if they see individual or if they just see the pain and the suffering in the world, but there's there's knowledge of it because there are tears in heaven right now, but it's not from their, it's not about it's not physical health and all of those things.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: They were made perfect, but it's crying over this broken world that we live in.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I have not studied the theology on that specifically, so like I know that I mean I love that idea, and we might get to heaven and the Lord's gonna be like hard, wrong, you know.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you you missed it.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and that's okay.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be wrong about a lot of things, yeah.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: But Jay's grandmother, who was a pastor's wife her whole life and amazing, precious lady, and we somebody asked her one time if you're in heaven and your loved one dies and doesn't know the Lord, you know, they were asking about the scripture about no more tears in heaven.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_03: They said, Don't you think that if your loved one doesn't come to heaven, then you're gonna there's gonna be tears in heaven?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: And she said her theological standpoint was I will never know to be as if they were never born to me.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: And but on that podcast with Podcast!
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_02: That moment that was my well-to-do side.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: On the podcast with Josh Howerton, yeah, he says that he feels like the ones who are gnashing of teeth, he says he feels like that's the ones who are they're gonna be gnashing their teeth with anger.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: They're gonna be filled with so much anger.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I think part of the torture is that they're looking up to heaven to see, because they've been the gospel was shared to them.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: And they said no.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Do you believe that?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: That everyone will hear the gospel?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: I believe that scripture says that.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone will have a knowledge, whether they heard it verbally or they seen it, or heard that everyone will know that there's a God, that he because he's all around.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that's part of the torture is being in hell, looking up, and you're in these this pit of hell, physically tortured, but also spiritually tortured because you're looking up at what you said no to.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Can you imagine?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what worse torture could there be?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, this is talking about the narrow door.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_03: This is in Luke chapter 12.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_03: No, 13.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_03: Chapter 13.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna start at verse 22, just to back up to give the context.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: Then Jesus went through the towns and villages teaching as he made his way to Jerusalem.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_03: Someone asked him, Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_03: He said to them, Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_03: Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside, knocking and pleading, Sir, open the door for us.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_03: But he will answer, I don't know you or where you come from.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: Then he will say, We ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_03: But he will reply, I don't know you or where you come from.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: Away from me, you evildoers.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_03: There will be weeping there and the gnashing of teeth.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: When you see Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves were thrown out.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: People will come from the east and west and north and south, and will take their places at the feast of the kingdom of God.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: Indeed, there are those who are last will be first, and first who will be last.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there you go.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Luke 16, verse 19, Jesus said, There was a certain rich man who was splendidly clothed in purple and the linen in fine linen, and who lived each day in luxury.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: At his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, who was covered with sores.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: As Lazarus lay there longing for scraps from the rich man's table, the dogs would come and lick his open wounds.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: In verse 22, it says, Finally the poor man died and was carried by the angels to be with Abraham.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: The rich man also died and was buried, and his soul went to the place of the dead.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: There in torment he saw Abraham in the far distance with Lazarus at his side.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: The rich man shouted, Father Abraham, have some pity.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: Send Lazarus over here to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: I am in anguish in these flames.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: But Abraham said to him, Son, remember that during your lifetime you had everything you wanted, and Lazarus had nothing.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_02: So now he is here being comforted, and you are in anguish.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: And besides, there is a great chasm separating us.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: No one can cross over to you from here, and no one can cross over to us from there.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Then the rich man said, Please, Father Abraham, at least send him to my father's home.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: For I have five brothers, and I want him to warn them so they don't end up in this place of torment.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: But Abraham said, Moses and the prophets have warned them, your brothers can read what they wrote.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: I love that scripture and it's so scary at the same time that are gonna refuse to acknowledge the truth, you know.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: And when going back to Daisy's post, how well would it have done for the loved one to say, well, God was sparing them from something worse down the road?
• 16:21
  unknown: Yeah.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like I've heard that.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: I've heard people say that, you know.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I've heard in the context of a child being lost in the womb and saying, Well, I've I've heard people say this.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_03: I just like, wait, what?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, Well, you know, we don't know what kind of disabilities they might have had or what kind of life they might have had.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_03: So God was protecting them, saving you, you know, saving them from that.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, no, I don't think that's true, or they're in a better place.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Proverbs chapter 12, verse 15.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: Fools think their own way is right.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: But the wise listen to others, like fools think their own way is right.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what a foolish statement to make.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: First of all, that you think you know, right?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: And we don't like awkward silence, and we don't we're uncomfortable with somebody else's pain, I think, especially when we don't feel the same pain.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like we can empathize when somebody's hurting for sure, but but it's not our pain, and we feel like we need to say something or do something to to try to make it better, exactly.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: But sometimes there's just simply not something you can do to make it better, and and then your words make it worse, right?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like this is off subject.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: Surprise, surprise, talker.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: What we go off subject?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: No, surely you just not long ago.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: You we were praying, and we were praying.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know what you're gonna say.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's me.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the one who did it.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: You're off the hook, you were the good one, I'm the one who kept digging the hole.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: I do remember, yeah, I don't even remember what it was all about.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: It was about you were BJ's granddaughter, and so I was praying, like Lord, your will be done.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even remember what I said, but and and Lord, if it's not, and and if this and then I thought, well, that wasn't very good.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: And so then I kept trying to make it better.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_03: It was kind of like, well, Lord, this is not what it was, but it was basically like, well, Lord, if you want her to be crippled, you'll be okay.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: But if it's not, then then maybe if she's just gonna be blind, or Lord, if maybe maybe she's just gonna only have one arm.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: It was that kind of like just that no, I mean, I'm totally being extremes because she's very extreme, but it was the same line.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: I just kept making it worse.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh Lord, help me.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: Lord, just your will be done.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, I remember that feeling as I'm praying, trying to be spiritual, and I'm just sinking further and further down, thinking, well, this is taking a weirdness, but that's what we do, like that's what you're saying.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we want to say something because I was in the moment very worried about my granddaughter gotten a bad health report.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I felt horrible.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Then we get down praying and it's quiet for a minute, and I'm like, okay, look, I just feel like I need to apologize.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't meaning X, Y, and Z.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then we laughed about it.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: But thankfully, BJ knows my heart and knows that I was not wanting anything bad to happen to her granddaughter.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: But but that's exactly what happens.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_02: We find ourselves in a situation and we come up with something.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and then it sounds so good, but then when it leaves our lips, we realize that wasn't very good, so then we try to fix it.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: But it is an awkward thing when someone passes away, it's so hard because you don't know what to say.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna tell you, I am guilty of not even showing up because I don't I don't know what to say to them.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I think, now if it's somebody super close to me, you know, but she mentions that in her post too, though, like, because I am guilty of I'm like, well, I didn't really know them, you know.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: And but it's not always about the one that passed away, it's about the ones you know, your your friends that are experiencing loss.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: She mentioned about coming to funerals, right?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: Showing up at the funeral, and that having a lot of people at the funeral encouraged the family.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so she says in her post, basically, if you're thinking, should I go or should I not go?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_03: And and I have I've done been good and I've done the hard thing.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like there was one time a really dear friend of ours, Scott Cuttingham, his mom passed away, and she lived states away.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: And me and Terry and Naomi, like on a whim, were like, let's go, let's go to the funeral.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so we loaded up road trip.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_03: Alex went with us before she was stupid, married, had a baby, could do things with me.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_03: But we loaded up and we drove states away, hours away, and and he was shocked.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: And like it meant the world end that we showed up for his funeral.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: I had met his mom twice in her life.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_03: It wasn't about that, it was about supporting our our friend.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_03: And but then there's been other times where I'll just be honest selfishly, I'm like, funerals are hard.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like I've I've gone through that pain, and I don't, I don't really want to be that sad.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't want to watch my friend be sad.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so I just make excuses.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: I've also had friends that have passed away and I was called away with ministry and I couldn't go and I felt terrible, but I can't not go to this event that booked me, you know, six months or a year ago.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_03: So life happens and you can't always go.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: But if you can go, go.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_03: Show us.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, we had two different people in the church that one was Deborah Miller's husband who passed away and I was gone speaking somewhere when the funeral was and I couldn't be there and I hated that.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then we had another gentleman in our church, Steve Snyder, which when he walked in the room, he was just cut up and joked with everybody.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: And you may not have ever met him in your life.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: And in five minutes, he just seems like he's your best friend.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: And he had gotten killed on in a motorcycle accident.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: And Tammy and I both knew him very well.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: And his I remember that.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: That was so shocking.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it was very hard.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: And Kenneth and I was on vacation and we were gone.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: And they they put the funeral on live stream.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I hated not being there.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: But sometimes you can't, like he said.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: But like I think like what Daisy was saying is these awkward conversations that people don't know what to say.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: And when you lose a child, I mean that's harder.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like losing a husband or a wife, that's horrible.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's hard.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: Losing anyone in your family is hard.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: But when you lose your child, yeah, it's like we don't really know what's a part of you.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't know what to say.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: And it's okay.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's the thing.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's okay to not know what to say.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: Well, even reading the comments, because there are some very wise people that have commented.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: Michelle Rudell is one of them that I read.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_03: And and sometimes just sitting in the silence and just simply saying, I'm so sorry.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like it doesn't, you don't have to have an answer.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_03: There is not an answer.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_03: You can't fix it.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: You can't ease the pain.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: Just showing up and saying, I'm so sorry, is all that is needed.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: Because that speaks volumes without words.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: But I mean, I think that, you know, and we're like good Jesus loving girls and we want to throw scripture at all the things because we know scripture fixes all the things.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: But there are times when you are in the biggest pain of your life that scripture doesn't fix it.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like, and we know the truth of it.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I hope that as we grieve and work through and process that pain, we're going to turn back to scripture and those scriptures will comfort us when the Lord and the Holy Spirit are working on our hearts when we're having that quiet time.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: But when you're coming at me and you're just throwing scriptures at me when I'm in my pain, that's it's not gonna help, you know.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: Right, but you know what it does is prayer.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't have to say anything to you.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: But if I show up as your doorstep and I sit on that couch and I help serve you and I just clean or I do whatever, but and I'm in constant prayer for you.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: No words have to leave my lips for you.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's praying.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you might not want to hear me pick up my Bible and start reading scripture, but my prayers, God will use those prayers to touch your heart and change your heart.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: And bring comfort.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: I think that you can pray with them.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: The words can leave your mouth, and you can pray with them too.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: But I don't think that I think the point is it's not necessary to do that.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then when you do open your mouth, even if it is just for prayer, then you have the opportunity to be stupid.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: We were praying when I was stupid.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: And and honestly, in that moment, it really wasn't as bad as you thought it was.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: But oh, it was bad.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_02: It was not, it was like I just because you know my heart and you knew what I was trying to say.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, but if I were a stranger and really weird, yeah, you'd probably open your eyes and be like, stop this prayer right now.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: So please intervene.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_03: Don't don't listen to this chick.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: But I I mean, I think that I think that's the point is that you can just sit in silence with someone who's grieving and you don't have to have the words, you don't have to try to fix it.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: And I think, especially as women, well, in men and women, we're fixers.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_03: We want to, we want to stop the pain.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_03: We want to heal, we want to fix it, we want to help.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: We want to have the moment of our words helped.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: And really, our words usually do more harm than good.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, because here's the thing, we can't fix it.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: Proverbs 26 and verse 12.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's all about fools.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: I got four scriptures and proverbs underlined in a certain color of ink, and I know when I see that color, it's going to fools.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: And this one says, There's more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_02: More hope for fools that don't know what the heck they're doing than for someone who thinks they're wise.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, to me, that just speaks volumes right there.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: It does.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: So sometimes we think we have the right words.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: We think we have the the wisdom of saying something stupid like, well, God was preventing them from something here on this earth, and just one head.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's so they're in a they're in such a better place.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: What mother wants to hear that?
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, like you don't even know that.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: So why even say that?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's like you're not God.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: We're not God.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: We do not know.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: And just admitting that we don't know, yeah, is a big thing.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_03: Don't be foolish.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_03: Keep your mouth shut.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_03: Don't be a fool like Denise.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: Keep your mouth shut.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Denise is definitely not a fool.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: I like to say hashtag be like Denise, but not in that situation.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, not in that situation, Georgia.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even like that hashtag.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: That was funny when that went out.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, it was so funny.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, I was like, uh-uh, hashtag be like Jesus.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: Fun.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_03: It was fun.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_03: You're the fun sucker.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_03: No one thought I was saying don't be like Jesus, be like Denise.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: Funny.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: The fun sucker.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_03: Anyways, don't say stupid things to people that are grieving.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's the point of the story.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_03: Don't be fool and love Jesus.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_03: Just do what he tells you to do.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_03: Just do what he tells you to do.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: You've been listening to Unashamed Table Talk with BJ Garrett and Denise Bowens.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: To support this ministry through prayer or giving, visit our website at unashamedww.com.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: May you be encouraged, rooted in truth, and unashamed.