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You've Got To Be Freakin' Kiddin' Me! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You've got to be freaking kidding me. It's one more thing.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm strong Andy, one more thing before I get to
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the you got to be freaking kidding me. I have
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: a mole who works in government who regularly texts me
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: things that get set at meetings. It's just unbelievable.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Oh all bet uh.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: But I'll get to that in just a second. I
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: mentioned this on the actual radio show, so I need
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: to follow through the one time in my adult life
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: when I nearly shared a bed with another man. Boy,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I really need to set up onto this because it
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: sounds like him. We got into the conversation about how
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: women will share up a bed in a hotel room,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: like when they're on a girls strip, but guys don't.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I would sleep in the bathtub with a pillow and
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you know, my jacket for a blanket.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Before I would do that.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: But one time, cheeze, many years I was in college,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: thank you, Glenn, and uh, we're in this house. It's
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: like I don't know, six or eight of a sleeping anyway.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I'm on the floor in this room, hardwood floor, and
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  Speaker 1: it's freezing in there. I mean, it is freezing in there.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: But I had chosen the floor anyway. Dude who's sleeping
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: in the bed at some point says, like middle of
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: the night, like you can sleep up here if you
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: want to, because it's so cold, And I thought, yeah,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: it is so.
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  Speaker 2: Cold, No big deal.
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  Speaker 1: I get up in bed. Twenty seconds later he grabs
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: my crank. Come on, I'm not I'm not.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: Sing what happens. That's what you cross the manline.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying this always happens.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: But you just call him Jesse Smollett. That is untowared.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying this always happens, just usually. But the
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: one time in my adult male life I think that
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I ever even attempted sharon bed with somebody, he did.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: He made a move. Wow, drunken in the middle.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Of the night. Okay, well no, under you would never.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I crawled back down to the floor, never brought it up,
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: never mentioned it to him. He never mentioned it to me.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Just never.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: You never said it.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Didn't thinking about it again, that's the way we handled that.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: That's the right way to handle it. Wordlessly. God, guys
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: are so weird.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I totally that if something like that had happened with me,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: it would be an absolute What that f was that.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: The next morning, you would, oh, yeah, that's interesting. Also,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: what was that? And why?
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: Because I wanted to have sexual relations with you? Because
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: because I was, she'd say to you, because I was
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: seeing if you were interested, yeah, in in some sort
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: of sex with a with me as a dude.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Yes, Michael, this.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Was your broke back Mountain jack.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: And I went it was mike broke back mountain, and
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I went the other direction. It turns out I could
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: quit him quite quickly. I went back down to the
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: cold floor, and you got to quit that. Yeah, I
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. It worked out fine, It
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: worked out fine. I never said anything, he never said anything.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: He made an overture. I made a response. Didn't work
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: out fine for him. It was it was clear that
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I wasn't interested, and he thought, okay, I thought maybe
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: you might be, and that was fine. After that.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: I remember the first time a guy hit on me.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: It was in a bar club.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: I was a college lad at the time, I think,
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: and my only reaction was I'm flattered, like, oh, thanks,
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: but you know, I'm straight.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: I was fine.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I think he didn't grab my crank.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: He just made it clear that hey, we should do
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: you know. I think i'd like to get it quitted.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can understand why you'd be flattered, but I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: think mine was more of a middle of the night
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: drunk you know, better than nothing, any port in a storm.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I think that's what I was.
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  Speaker 3: Very Oh so you weren't worried about the gay part
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  Speaker 3: of it, you we was just offended that he hadn't
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: you exactly.
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  Speaker 1: No flowers.
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  Speaker 2: No, there's no courtship whatsoever.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Didn't take it to dinner.
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  Speaker 2: This is animalistic.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I was the better than nothing. Now I
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: get your objection. I was it's closing time, let's look
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: around and see what the options are. That's what I
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: ended up being.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Ah, that's just sad.
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  Speaker 1: You were like Arnold and the Maid Arnold. Oh yes,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: maybe maybe you know what's interesting.
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  Speaker 3: It just pumped into my head sexual morase through the years,
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: and I read John Lennon told.
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  Speaker 2: His story one is it or no?
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  Speaker 3: No, I'm sorry it was Actually it was a female
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  Speaker 3: music star, woman of the same period like the Beatles era.
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  Speaker 3: And I don't want to say the name because I
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  Speaker 3: don't want to get wrong, but she ended up somehow
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: in a bed with John Lennon and it was like
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: a long party or whatever, everybody was going to sleep
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: and then just everybody would find a bed to flop in.
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  Speaker 3: And at one point he asked her and he used
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  Speaker 3: a very Liverpool accented F word, I don't want to
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: create more word for more work for a Hansen bud.
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  Speaker 3: He said, would you like to blank? And she said, thanks,
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: but not really, I just want to go to sleep.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: And he said, oh, thank goodness, I've already been blanked tonight.
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  Speaker 3: But he just thought it would be ungentlemanly in the
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: late sixties. Wow, to offer a coupling to swing in sixties.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, wow, that's something. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I remember a similarly, there was a rock journalist who
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: was talking about he had a very attractive wife.
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  Speaker 2: And he would be at these you know, big.
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  Speaker 3: Rock and roll star parties again as the late sixties
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: in southern California, and he talked about Jim Morrison and
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: other people hitting on his wife and wanting to have
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: sex with her, and he felt kind of bad about saying, no, please,
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: don't have sex with him because you know, we're married
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: and everything, because it.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Was definitely, you know, an okay option.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why it was. That's why it was with
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: George Harrison and Eric Clapton and the girl that is
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Layla from the Layla song. George Harrison's wife. Clapton talks
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: about it in his book George is like on board.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that sounds cool. Go ahead, I would love that.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: What Yeah, if you had sex with my wife and
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: you would love it, that's bizarre to me?
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Or are going on theville? Now?
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I think anyway. So my deep mole
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: in government sent this yesterday. I mentioned this one on
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: the show already that at the start of the meeting
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: a woman raised her hand and tearfully asked the speaker
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: to stop saying you guys because it was gender hurtful,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and so the speaker started saying, y'all not to be offender.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Right. That's when you just end it right there.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: End meeting today.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: You you're fired. Get out? Wait what get out.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: In government today? The government meeting. Somebody raised their hands said,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: are you receptive to some feedback on your tea choice
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: based on its environmental impact? Apparently the tea being provided
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: for the meeting had microplastics, so they wanted to Oh
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: that's so precious, isn't that something?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Well, you were receptive to feedback on your tea.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Choice about the environmental impact of your tea choice. Uh,
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: China deserves to take us over if that's what they are.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I can't remember who it was it was.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: One of my favorite writers pointed out the other day
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: that when King Chuck was in Canada and he was
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: gonna I think he was addressing the Parliament, but he
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: kicked off his address with one of those idiotic declarations of.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: What do you call him land acknowledgments?
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, and he said, and Hanson, I am going
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: to create a little work for you here. He said, First,
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  Speaker 3: I'd like to acknowledge that we are standing on the
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  Speaker 3: land watch controlled by the Watchapuci tribes and blah blah blah,
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: and that we should seek full reconciliation in.
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  Speaker 1: Both word and deed. Great Britain is doing this well.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: And and I'd love to steal this line, but I won't.
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  Speaker 3: I'm paraphrasing. But as the guy pointed out, dude, you're
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: literally the king of.
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  Speaker 2: The fucking country.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: If you wanted to give back that square mile, do it.
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  Speaker 3: Don't stand up there and say, oh, I would like
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  Speaker 3: to ignow.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: You could give it back to him.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Well, smoke of a pen. And then we're not into
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: this sort of thing because you know, whoever took it
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  Speaker 1: last has it. And that's the truth of every square
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: inch on planet Earth. Sure somebody else will have it
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  Speaker 1: in a year or a decade or a millennium.
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  Speaker 2: It's wait, it'll.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Happen, right, But the idea that England's going to go
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: around the world doing that, man, they'd have to do
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: that a lot. Sun never sets. Have you ever heard that,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: that whole thing?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no kidding. Well, if you want to win
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: over Jack Armstrong, you gotta woo him first. Well, I
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: guess that's it.