Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #145| 4 Signs You’re Stuck in People Pleasing Mode & How To Shift Into Self-Respect Fast To Reduce Overwhelm

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#145| 4 Signs You’re Stuck in People Pleasing Mode & How To Shift Into Self-Respect Fast To Reduce Overwhelm · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  Michelle Gauthier: It's 9.30 pm, you're in bed reading a book, getting ready to go to sleep, and you hear your phone buzz and you grab it and you see a text that says hey, can you help me with something real quick?
• 0:11
  Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:23
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, michelle Gothier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
• 0:28
  Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
• 0:40
  Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend, thanks for joining today.
• 0:45
  Michelle Gauthier: What would your answer be at 9 30 pm, when you're just about to go to bed, if someone texted you hey, can you help me with something real quick?
• 0:52
  Michelle Gauthier: If your answer is, I might hesitate and really not want to, but I would reply, of course, and maybe even get on the phone with someone.
• 1:01
  Michelle Gauthier: In today's episode, here's what we're going to look at Four subtle but powerful signs that you're probably stuck in people-pleasing mode.
• 1:09
  Michelle Gauthier: Then we're going to look at why.
• 1:11
  Michelle Gauthier: What are the deeper beliefs that are driving that people-pleasing behavior?
• 1:16
  Michelle Gauthier: And then I'm going to give you a quick tip that is a great first step to get out of that people-pleasing mode.
• 1:22
  Michelle Gauthier: And notice by the way that I'm referring to it as the people-pleasing habit or being that people-pleasing mode.
• 1:24
  Michelle Gauthier: And notice by the way that I'm referring to it as the people-pleasing habit or being in people-pleasing mode because I don't like the idea that a person is a people-pleaser.
• 1:33
  Michelle Gauthier: It is just a habit.
• 1:34
  Michelle Gauthier: It's a habit that has been learned over time, and the great news about habits is they can be undone.
• 1:39
  Michelle Gauthier: You can get a new habit to become a person who does not people-please.
• 1:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so let's jump into the signs that you might be stuck in people pleasing.
• 1:50
  Michelle Gauthier: Sign number one is you say yes before even checking in with yourself.
• 1:53
  Michelle Gauthier: I hear this so much from the women who I work with that yes is truly a default and almost like a placeholder.
• 2:01
  Michelle Gauthier: And when your default answer is yes, like a placeholder, and when your default answer is yes, even when it costs you your time, your energy or your peace, you might be in people pleasing mode.
• 2:10
  Michelle Gauthier: This is reminding me of that comedian who used to say you might be a redneck.
• 2:14
  Michelle Gauthier: If this is, you might be a people pleaser.
• 2:17
  Michelle Gauthier: If the thought behind that, that action of just saying yes, could be something like if I say no, they'll think I'm selfish.
• 2:24
  Michelle Gauthier: But remember that yes isn't generosity, it's just fear in disguise.
• 2:30
  Michelle Gauthier: You're afraid that someone's going to think you're selfish or not a team player or not fun, or whatever.
• 2:35
  Michelle Gauthier: It is that you're worrying that they will think about you.
• 2:38
  Michelle Gauthier: Sign number two is you only feel valuable when you're helping others.
• 2:43
  Michelle Gauthier: So if you're not doing something or being productive or doing something for someone else, then you feel unimportant.
• 2:51
  Michelle Gauthier: And the thought behind that one that could be driving that behavior is something like if I'm not useful, I'm not lovable, or if I'm not helping someone, kind of what's left, who am I without that?
• 3:03
  Michelle Gauthier: But just a reminder that your worth was never meant to depend on how much you do for everyone else or what your job is or how much money you make or any of that stuff.
• 3:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Your worth just is You're human, you're alive, You're worthy, you're enough.
• 3:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Sign number three you avoid saying no because you don't want to disappoint anyone.
• 3:25
  Michelle Gauthier: Sign number three you avoid saying no because you don't want to disappoint anyone.
• 3:28
  Michelle Gauthier: You go along with plans you don't want agree to favors you don't have time for, just to keep the peace.
• 3:34
  Michelle Gauthier: The thought behind this one might be they'll be upset if I set a boundary or if I say no.
• 3:38
  Michelle Gauthier: But the truth is, anyone who respects you will respect your no.
• 3:43
  Michelle Gauthier: And I find when I'm interacting with people who are not people pleasers and are good at saying no, I trust them so much because I trust if they say yes they really mean it and I trust if they say no that they really mean it too, and I love that.
• 3:57
  Michelle Gauthier: I love the straightforwardness of that.
• 4:00
  Michelle Gauthier: Sign Number four is you're already overwhelmed but still saying yes to more.
• 4:05
  Michelle Gauthier: So even when you feel stretched too thin, you keep piling it on.
• 4:09
  Michelle Gauthier: The thought behind this one I used to have this thought big time is I should be able to handle it all.
• 4:15
  Michelle Gauthier: We also like to look around at everyone else and perceive that they are doing it all.
• 4:20
  Michelle Gauthier: Let's say you're sitting in the bleachers at a baseball game and there's all these other working moms there and you're like they all have it all together.
• 4:25
  Michelle Gauthier: 's say, you're sitting in the bleachers at a baseball game and there's all these other working moms there and you're like they all have it all together and I am just a disaster.
• 4:28
  Michelle Gauthier: So you keep saying yes to things because you think you should be able to hand it all.
• 4:32
  Michelle Gauthier: I used to love to be seen as the girl who could handle it all.
• 4:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Who knows what people are actually thinking about me, but in my mind I was spending a lot of time trying to get people to think that that is a recipe for burnout.
• 4:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Let me just tell you that for sure.
• 4:47
  Michelle Gauthier: So if any of those four signs, or all of those four signs, resonated with you and you're shaking your head yes, and you're like, oh crap, I'm really doing that.
• 4:56
  Michelle Gauthier: One of those things or all of those things, let's just look at the why behind it.
• 5:01
  Michelle Gauthier: How did you maybe get here?
• 5:02
  Michelle Gauthier: The first thing is we have been taught women specifically have been taught that being nice means being agreeable and selfless and easy and always available.
• 5:15
  Michelle Gauthier: So maybe no one ever sat you down and said that.
• 5:18
  Michelle Gauthier: No one ever did that to me.
• 5:19
  Michelle Gauthier: They didn't sit down and say you have to be agreeable and have a smile on your face and do what other people want you to do.
• 5:25
  Michelle Gauthier: But society kind of teaches us that and I think for generations of women that has been seen as our value.
• 5:33
  Michelle Gauthier: Quote unquote.
• 5:34
  Michelle Gauthier: But really, people pleasing isn't kindness.
• 5:38
  Michelle Gauthier: So we think, like I used to say I know, I'm just nice and I don't want to say no to people.
• 5:43
  Michelle Gauthier: I just want to remind you that people pleasing actually isn't kind and what you're actually trying to do is coming from fear.
• 5:51
  Michelle Gauthier: You're trying to control what someone else thinks about you.
• 5:55
  Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, when I used to be the person who could do it all, I wanted people to think that about me.
• 6:02
  Michelle Gauthier: So I wasn't being nice.
• 6:03
  Michelle Gauthier: I was trying to control the way that they were seeing me so that I felt comfortable.
• 6:08
  Michelle Gauthier: So of course it feels hard to say no.
• 6:10
  Michelle Gauthier: Of course it feels uncomfortable to set boundaries when this is how we were brought up or raised or what society kind of told us to do.
• 6:18
  Michelle Gauthier: But the truth is people pleasing is just a habit and all habits can be unlearned.
• 6:25
  Michelle Gauthier: Just like you can learn a new habit, you can unlearn an old, bad habit.
• 6:29
  Michelle Gauthier: So what to do about ?
• 6:31
  Michelle Gauthier: this Truly getting out of people pleasing, which is something that I work on with every one of my clients?
• 6:37
  Michelle Gauthier: It is a process to understand what is underneath it and what beliefs, like the belief that I used to have about I have to be the person who does absolutely everything for everyone at all times.
• 6:50
  Michelle Gauthier: Until I changed that core belief, I wasn't able to change my people pleasing behavior.
• 6:56
  Michelle Gauthier: So it really is a process to just figure out what's beneath it and then start practicing new actions, start practicing and learning how to say no.
• 7:06
  Michelle Gauthier: So it's not just a quick.
• 7:09
  Michelle Gauthier: Here's one step for you to stop people pleasing.
• 7:11
  Michelle Gauthier: But I will give you one tip that is a great first step in the right direction, and that is anytime someone asks you to do something, start building in the habit just to pause.
• 7:24
  Michelle Gauthier: Just buy yourself enough time to think about it.
• 7:28
  Michelle Gauthier: Say something like thank you for asking me, I'll have to get back to you.
• 7:33
  Michelle Gauthier: Or if it's something via text, just remember oh my gosh, I don't have to immediately respond to a text.
• 7:38
  Michelle Gauthier: I can pause and think about it.
• 7:40
  Michelle Gauthier: This week, the only thing that I want you to try to change is just having that pause.
• 7:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Even if you make a pause and you say yes, even when you want to say no later, it's still a step in the right direction.
• 7:53
  Michelle Gauthier: If you're really sick of being a people pleaser and you are ready to start working on it, I have a one-on-one coaching spot open right now.
• 8:02
  Michelle Gauthier: We can get to work.
• 8:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Get down to those beliefs and how you were socialized.
• 8:07
  Michelle Gauthier: We can work on changing those and then change your behavior and, before you know it, you will be a person who does not have the people pleasing habit.
• 8:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Dm me if you're interested in that spot.
• 8:17
  Michelle Gauthier: I'd love to help you shift from people pleasing to powerful self-respect.
• 8:23
  Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
• 8:24
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 8:32
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
• 8:36
  Michelle Gauthier: com.
• 8:38
  Michelle Gauthier: See you next
• 8:39
  Michelle Gauthier: week
• 8:39
  Michelle Gauthier: .