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X Minus One - "Protective Mimicry" (Old Time Radio, 1956) · X Minus One | Old Time Radio

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Perfect duplicates of Galactic Federation credit notes have begun turning up,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: serial numbers and all. That sends Treasury investigator Baumholzer to
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Deneb de Levent, a humid jungle and swamp world where
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the local low-technology culture seems an unlikely source for such counterfeits.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: On October 3, 1956, NBC presented episode 69 of X-Minus-1,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Protective Mimicry, adapted for radio by Ernest Kenoy, from a
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: story by Algis Budris, first published in Galaxy Science Fiction.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Mandel Kramer heads a cast that includes Terry Keene, Charles Penman,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Richard Hamilton, and Wendell Holmes. Daniel Sutter directed. And now,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the original broadcast.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: The National Broadcasting Company at this time wishes to thank
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: the editors and publishers of Galaxy Magazine for a special
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: award which has just been presented to the program X-1.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: The award cites X-1 for the outstanding adaptation and the
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: original method of presentation of adult science fiction stories to
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: the vast audience that has shown increasing interest in this
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: newest form of journalism. The NBC Radio Network is proud
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: to receive this citation on behalf of X-1. NBC is
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: also happy to acknowledge the enthusiastic response and support of
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: the listening audience to this program. Your many letters of
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: encouragement and constructive criticism are always gratefully received. Your criticisms
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: carefully noted, and whenever possible, your suggestions acted upon. Please
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: listen at the end of this program for a special
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: free offer.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: And now, X minus one.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: Countdown for blastoff. X minus five, four, three, two, X
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: minus one, fire.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: of new dimensions in time and space.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: These are stories of the future.
• 2:36
  Speaker 5: Adventures in which you'll live in a million could be
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: years on a thousand maybe worlds.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: The National Broadcasting Company presents X minus 1.
• 2:59
  Speaker 5: Tonight's story, Protective Mimicry, by Algis Boudris.
• 3:18
  Speaker 6: Frankly, I think I'll probably have to take my expense
• 3:20
  Speaker 6: account clear up to the Central Gaelic Civil Service Board.
• 3:24
  Speaker 6: My friends tell me to forget it. But take it
• 3:26
  Speaker 6: from me, a rap in the credit book like this
• 3:28
  Speaker 6: isn't easy to laugh off. Not on a grade four
• 3:30
  Speaker 6: civil service pay scale. So I've made my beef out
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: in quadruplicate and filed it. Usually a special agent in
• 3:37
  Speaker 6: United Galactic Federation's Department of the Treasury Investigations Division Currency
• 3:41
  Speaker 6: Section doesn't have much trouble with his swindle sheet.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: But this? No, this one's a corker. To understand, you
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: gotta know how they make the stuff.
• 3:50
  Speaker 6: The Ungallic Men is in New Geneva on Canopus 3.
• 3:54
  Speaker 6: I remember I went around with the 40-deci credit tour
• 3:56
  Speaker 6: when I first joined the staff. The guide was a
• 3:59
  Speaker 6: cute little brunette from one of the rim stars who
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: was later fired following an annual Pan-Solstice office party.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: I didn't pay much attention to her spiel.
• 4:07
  Speaker 6: She was dressed in the new neo-Minoan style, but I
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: got the general idea.
• 4:15
  Speaker 7: This is a demonstration machine, of course, but you will
• 4:17
  Speaker 7: notice the indestructible fiber coming off that spool at the right.
• 4:21
  Speaker 7: It goes into the slot in the machine there. Now,
• 4:23
  Speaker 7: if you'll pass along, you see it goes between those
• 4:25
  Speaker 7: two rollers through six or seven chemical baths. No, I'm
• 4:28
  Speaker 7: not sure what chemicals. That's restricted information. It's stamped, analyzed
• 4:33
  Speaker 7: for flaws, dyed, and then run through this unit here.
• 4:36
  Speaker 7: This is the most carefully guarded part of the process.
• 4:40
  Speaker 7: The unit is removed from the plant each night and
• 4:42
  Speaker 7: locked in the deep space vault on the satellite station
• 4:44
  Speaker 7: directly overhead. After the strip emerges here, it is chopped
• 4:48
  Speaker 7: into convenient lengths and carefully removed into armored cars.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: It is called money.
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: What does that secret unit do?
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Well, that's a very good question.
• 4:56
  Speaker 7: You see, the currency is non-defacable, fireproof, immune to wear, weather,
• 5:00
  Speaker 7: and water. But the most important thing is an electronic
• 5:03
  Speaker 7: pattern impressed into the fiber by that secret pattern. You
• 5:06
  Speaker 7: all know when you cash a bill, it is passed
• 5:08
  Speaker 7: over an electronic plate that reads the pattern. If the
• 5:10
  Speaker 7: serial number and the pattern match... Well, but if they don't... Well,
• 5:15
  Speaker 7: first I'll put an ordinary credit note over the beeper.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: There.
• 5:19
  Speaker 6: There.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: Perfectly good.
• 5:21
  Speaker 7: Now, a simulated counterfeit bill without the electronic pattern. Well, now,
• 5:27
  Speaker 7: that wouldn't fool anybody.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: Long, would it?
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: Could anybody duplicate that electronic pattern?
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: Well, that's a very good question.
• 5:33
  Speaker 7: Only the government has the equipment to put that in.
• 5:35
  Speaker 7: Your currency is safe and sound. Don't you worry about that.
• 5:38
  Speaker 7: Are there any more questions?
• 5:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: How about a drink after the tour?
• 5:43
  Speaker 8: Well, that.
• 5:45
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: That's a very good question.
• 5:48
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: It sure was. So was the answer. Well, getting back
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: to money.
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: The engraving, the chemical composition of the ink and the
• 6:07
  Speaker 6: fiber would be tough enough to duplicate. But that electronic
• 6:10
  Speaker 6: pattern snaps the clincher on it. That's why Chief Inspector
• 6:14
  Speaker 6: Saxguard of my division looked sourly at me when I
• 6:16
  Speaker 6: came into his office and spread a fistful of credit
• 6:18
  Speaker 6: notes on his desk.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: What's that?
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: What's it look like?
• 6:23
  Speaker 8: A handful of 50s. Why?
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: Put a couple of them over your beeper plate.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 6:30
  Speaker 8: They're perfectly okay.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: What's it all about?
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: Look at the serial numbers. 3, 4, 5, 6, 5, 6.
• 6:35
  Speaker 9: 7, 8, M.
• 6:35
  Speaker 8: Look at the others. 3, 4, 5, 6, 5... What?
• 6:45
  Speaker 8: Let me see them.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Save your eyes.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: They're all the same.
• 6:47
  Speaker 6: 14 50-credit notes with identical serial numbers.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: That's impossible.
• 6:52
  Speaker 6: And every one of them goes over a beeper plate,
• 6:54
  Speaker 6: quiet as a sophomore climbing into a dormitory window after hours.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: Formal, sir, where did you get these?
• 7:00
  Speaker 6: They came into the New York clearinghouse from a branch
• 7:02
  Speaker 6: on Den of 11. The manager blew his top. He
• 7:04
  Speaker 6: called us the minute he spotted them and sent them
• 7:06
  Speaker 6: out to us. How about the manager?
• 7:07
  Speaker 9: Is he blabbing all over the banker's club about it?
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: I read the Ungallic Riot Act to him. He'll keep
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: it under his hat.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: Good.
• 7:13
  Speaker 9: At least we won't have any financial panics for a while.
• 7:17
  Speaker 9: Have you checked these through the lab?
• 7:18
  Speaker 6: Well, the ink and paper is government stock, and they
• 7:20
  Speaker 6: match government beepers. The lab plates didn't squawk any more
• 7:23
  Speaker 6: than yours did. You could spend these anywhere, as long
• 7:25
  Speaker 6: as you only pass them one at a time.
• 7:27
  Speaker 9: Baumholzer, you know, since the beeper plate came in, we've
• 7:31
  Speaker 9: been sitting on our tails in this department, building up
• 7:34
  Speaker 9: our pensions.
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: Oh, I wouldn't say that.
• 7:36
  Speaker 9: Neither would I, outside this office. But you know darn
• 7:39
  Speaker 9: well nobody can expect to counterfeit a bill and get
• 7:42
  Speaker 9: away with it. It's only because throughout the universe there's
• 7:46
  Speaker 9: a certain percentage of people who will try anything once.
• 7:49
  Speaker 9: And a corresponding percentage of purr-blind idiots who will accept
• 7:53
  Speaker 9: anything with engraving on it as money that we're here
• 7:56
  Speaker 9: at all. I've seen cigar coupons and crayon sketches come
• 8:00
  Speaker 9: into this office.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: I've seen premium.
• 8:02
  Speaker 9: Offers from household magazines, jet bus transfers... Why, some people
• 8:06
  Speaker 9: would try to pick a Yale lock with a quarter
• 8:08
  Speaker 9: of a.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Pound of butter.
• 8:09
  Speaker 9: Now, the only reason any queer can pass is because
• 8:13
  Speaker 9: some goggle-eyed nudnik neglects to use his beeper plate.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: But I worry.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I worry.
• 8:19
  Speaker 9: For 15 years, I've sat in this stinking office and
• 8:23
  Speaker 9: waited for somebody to invent a matter duplicator.
• 8:25
  Speaker 6: Well, it looks like you can stop worrying. Look at
• 8:27
  Speaker 6: those bills, identical down to the whiskey stain in the corner.
• 8:30
  Speaker 9: All right, Bumholzer, you call transportation and get out to
• 8:33
  Speaker 9: Deneb 11 and find out if anybody in that neighborhood
• 8:35
  Speaker 9: has a matter duplicator, or if he hasn't, what he
• 8:38
  Speaker 9: has got.
• 8:49
  Speaker 6: I picked up the department shuttle to the satellite and
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: made fair connections up to Deneb 11. It's a four-day
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: run on drive, and I get free fall sick, so
• 8:56
  Speaker 6: I was glad to hit the port in Glub, which,
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: so help me, is the name of the only city
• 9:00
  Speaker 6: on the place. Den of Eleven is what we call
• 9:03
  Speaker 6: in the department a mud ball. It's a jungle world
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: with an atmosphere like a swatch of Harris Tweed. I
• 9:10
  Speaker 6: was smoking a cigarette when I got off the shuttle,
• 9:12
  Speaker 6: and the air I pulled in made the smoke taste
• 9:13
  Speaker 6: like well-decayed leaf mold. I was wringing wet two minutes
• 9:17
  Speaker 6: after I left the air-conditioned port. I noticed the local
• 9:20
  Speaker 6: costume would get you arrested on any beach in the galaxy,
• 9:22
  Speaker 6: but it didn't matter since there's nothing titillating about pasty
• 9:25
  Speaker 6: skin dripping with weary perspiration. I checked in with the
• 9:29
  Speaker 6: regional office and found the resident agent tinkering with his
• 9:31
  Speaker 6: air conditioner.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Hi, bomb holster.
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: You know anything about the sealed power pack on this condenser? Yeah,
• 9:40
  Speaker 6: if you keep banging at it like that, you'll crack
• 9:42
  Speaker 6: the seal on the atomic shielding and your posterity will
• 9:45
  Speaker 6: thank you. Three heads at a time. Oh, I guess
• 9:49
  Speaker 6: I better not fool with it. Take off your pants
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: and pull.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: Up a chair.
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: I don't mind if I do. Is it always this humid?
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, no. In the hot season, it's worse. I'd send
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: for a.
• 10:00
  Speaker 6: replacement part, but the fax line isn't too reliable. The
• 10:03
  Speaker 6: last time I sent for a sealed unit, they shipped
• 10:05
  Speaker 6: back an over-aged sea lion.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know.
• 10:07
  Speaker 6: I was on Polar Station on Ganymede when my heater
• 10:09
  Speaker 6: element broke down. I faxed for three feet of element,
• 10:12
  Speaker 6: and they shipped me back three fetal elephants.
• 10:14
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Well, I suppose you're here about the queer bill, huh?
• 10:18
  Speaker 9: Yeah.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: Got any lines on it?
• 10:20
  Speaker 6: Well, my orders will lay off and let the central
• 10:22
  Speaker 6: office handle it.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Be my guest. Any ideas?
• 10:25
  Speaker 6: No.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Where do you figure to start?
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: Well, this is the only city. I'll have to check
• 10:29
  Speaker 6: it out. Uh, have you got a list of authorized
• 10:31
  Speaker 6: beeper plates?
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: Somewhere. Oh, look out!
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: Why?
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: There's a whittle fly.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: On your arm.
• 10:38
  Speaker 6: Hey, how does a thing that size get through the filters?
• 10:41
  Speaker 6: Insects on Denver are tricky. This one is a non-filterable
• 10:44
  Speaker 6: virus in the larval stage. Then it blows up to
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: this side. carve his initials in your arm if he
• 10:50
  Speaker 6: gets a good bite.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: That's why he's called a whittlefly.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: The whittlefly was only one of the darlings that made
• 11:04
  Speaker 6: the fair city of Glubb a garden spot. They had
• 11:07
  Speaker 6: one cute little type called the laboratory beetle, because when
• 11:11
  Speaker 6: he bit you, he typed your blood and followed you
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: around for days getting refills. I had one take a
• 11:15
  Speaker 6: sample of me as I went out the door of
• 11:17
  Speaker 6: the residency with a list of beeper plates, and he
• 11:18
  Speaker 6: followed me from store to store while I checked every
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: installation in the city. The little devil would step up
• 11:23
  Speaker 6: to the bar every once and again and take another
• 11:25
  Speaker 6: shot of my hemoglobin. I even tried ducking into men's
• 11:28
  Speaker 6: rooms fast, but he'd be waiting for me when I
• 11:30
  Speaker 6: came out. Well, I slogged through glove for three days
• 11:33
  Speaker 6: and then poured myself back into the residence office.
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: Did he come in?
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Who?
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: The laboratory needle.
• 11:38
  Speaker 6: No, they usually hang around in the hall and wait.
• 11:41
  Speaker 6: Sometimes when I've got a poker game going, you can
• 11:43
  Speaker 6: see three or four of the little... Angels buzzing around
• 11:46
  Speaker 6: outside waiting like chauffeurs outside the opera. Wow.
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: Draw a blank?
• 11:51
  Speaker 6: Well, I found seven defective beeper plates, but nobody remembers
• 11:54
  Speaker 6: any queer bills being passed. You know, who checks serial numbers?
• 11:57
  Speaker 6: They must have come in one at a time. And
• 11:59
  Speaker 6: the clerks at the bank always were out to lunch
• 12:01
  Speaker 6: and referred me to the next guy. You got any
• 12:03
  Speaker 6: lotion for insect bites?
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: A desk drawer.
• 12:07
  Speaker 6: In a way, the beeper plates make it tougher. Nobody
• 12:09
  Speaker 6: even looks at the bills anymore. Just throw them over
• 12:11
  Speaker 6: the plate, and if no bells ring, it's okay.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: Okay. How about the other angle?
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: Matter duplicator? I checked invoices and purchase records.
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: Nobody's been buying electronic parts that can't account for every tube.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: I thought I had something.
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: One fellow bought 12 of those giant lithium cathode tubes,
• 12:25
  Speaker 6: but it turned out his wife was having them wired
• 12:27
  Speaker 6: as lamp bases.
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: Well, I better be going.
• 12:30
  Speaker 6: I hate to keep my little insect friend out there
• 12:31
  Speaker 6: in suspense as to cocktail time.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: You got another leave?
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I found a bar that makes a Tom Collins
• 12:36
  Speaker 6: with real lemon juice instead of battery acid. Oh! I
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: managed to duck my lab beetle in a revolving door.
• 12:48
  Speaker 6: He went around twice and shot out into the street,
• 12:50
  Speaker 6: so I settled down at a table at the bar
• 12:52
  Speaker 6: and tried to make believe that I couldn't taste den
• 12:54
  Speaker 6: of 11 atmosphere in my Tom Collins.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: I was chewing on an ice cube when I looked up.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: Mr. Baumholzer?
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: That's right.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I want to talk to you about money.
• 13:12
  Speaker 6: He was a terrestrial, but he'd been on dinner a
• 13:14
  Speaker 6: long time because he was wearing the native garment about
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: the size of a five-pound sugar sack. His hair, which
• 13:20
  Speaker 6: was potato-field gray, was arranged in the old-fashioned Presley style.
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: You know, the ancient long sideburns, duck's tail in the
• 13:28
  Speaker 6: rear that vice presidents wear in family-style banks. His ears
• 13:31
  Speaker 6: had little bits of bone stuck in them, and his
• 13:33
  Speaker 6: eyebrows wandered all over his face, and he stood about
• 13:35
  Speaker 6: six foot eight. And I waited him out, and presently
• 13:38
  Speaker 6: he spoke up again.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: You are the same Mr. Baumholzer who's been going around
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: asking all those questions about duplicate ungalic notes?
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: That's right. Can I help you, Mr... Munger.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: Duodecimus Munger.
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: Now, this is fair to be fascinating.
• 13:54
  Speaker 6: I was under the impression that my mission here was
• 13:57
  Speaker 6: just a wee bit on the secret side.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: There are no secrets in gloves. Now, why don't you
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: pull up a chair, Mr.
• 14:03
  Speaker 9: Munger?
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid I haven't time.
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: Well, join me in a drink.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Are you really the Mr. Baumholzer that's working on this
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: case for the Treasury Department? Yeah, sure.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: You're not the fellow that's turning out these duplicates, are you?
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: Well, as a matter of fact, I am. What? And
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: don't move. This is a power 30 mistral coagulator I have.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: Look out with that thing. You've got it pointed at
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: my head.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: Yes. I've got it set on high charge. It will
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: fuse your brain solid. What else is new? Now, Mr. Baumholzer,
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: stay right behind that table.
• 14:31
  Speaker 6: Now, let's not make any rash decisions now.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: I can't very well see how I could let you live. Oh,
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: come on.
• 14:36
  Speaker 6: Try. What?
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: Now drop the gun.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid we'll be collecting a crowd.
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: Give me that. Don't try to pick it up.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I won't.
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: I had something completely different in mind. Just like in
• 15:00
  Speaker 6: those ancient legends the archaeologists keep digging up the ones
• 15:02
  Speaker 6: with the hard-boiled detective and the beautiful blonde, I felt
• 15:05
  Speaker 6: the traditional roof fall in on the back of my head.
• 15:07
  Speaker 6: As I went black, I remember thinking how odd it
• 15:09
  Speaker 6: was that it was happening to me some 500 years
• 15:11
  Speaker 6: after Spillane the Scrivener. I came to in the same
• 15:14
  Speaker 6: archaic fashion with my head going around in a free
• 15:17
  Speaker 6: orbit around my neck.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: Baumholzer, are you all right?
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: I can't see.
• 15:20
  Speaker 6: I'm blind.
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: Everything's black.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Well, open your eyes. Oh, where is he?
• 15:24
  Speaker 6: Who? The guy who slugged me. What am I doing
• 15:26
  Speaker 6: back at your office? Oh, some bartender brought you in.
• 15:29
  Speaker 6: I thought you passed out from too much lemon juice.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: It was a guy named Munger. Which way did he go?
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: Reach me. Munger?
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: Hmm.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: Tall fella in native dress?
• 15:37
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, well, you might as well forget about it.
• 15:40
  Speaker 6: Why? Well, I can order a pickup on him the
• 15:42
  Speaker 6: next time he's in town. They'll sock him away in
• 15:44
  Speaker 6: a psych ward for a while.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Forget it.
• 15:46
  Speaker 6: Look, I am not an old lady calling up complaining
• 15:49
  Speaker 6: that the nasty delinquents are teasing my cats that Munger's
• 15:51
  Speaker 6: tied in with the queer.
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: Him?
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: He said he was the passer.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Well, that can't be. Munger, Munger, Munger, Munger.
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: You got a file on him?
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 15:59
  Speaker 6: I get a number of complaints on him, so do
• 16:01
  Speaker 6: the local cops. He's... Well, I didn't want to make trouble.
• 16:04
  Speaker 6: He's a very wealthy man.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: I'll bet.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: What does he do?
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: Well, he's a merchant or something in a native village.
• 16:10
  Speaker 6: Once or twice a year he comes out and paints
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: the town, but....
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: I would like to talk to him again with the
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: mistral in my hand.
• 16:17
  Speaker 6: He had a mistral? That's a violation of a municipal ordinance.
• 16:21
  Speaker 6: You're supposed to check him at the quarantine gate. Look,
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: I'm not investigating parking tickets and violations of the anti-noise laws.
• 16:27
  Speaker 6: This is a counterfeiting case. Now, do you know where
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: I can find him? Well, he's probably gone back to
• 16:30
  Speaker 6: his village.
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: Where's that?
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: Out in the jungle.
• 16:32
  Speaker 6: All right.
• 16:33
  Speaker 4: Get out your rubbers, friend. We're going out after him.
• 16:39
  Speaker 6: Suppose you fill your bathtub full of mud, build a
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: fire under it, turn on the shower, and crawl in
• 16:44
  Speaker 6: and wallow a little. Do that, and you've got a
• 16:46
  Speaker 6: fair idea of the Denebian jungle. I went out with Hall,
• 16:50
  Speaker 6: the resident agent, and we started off. Stick close, Barholzer.
• 16:55
  Speaker 6: Visibility is about ten feet.
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: I'll eat everything I can see within ten feet.
• 17:00
  Speaker 6: Ow!
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: What happened?
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: I walked into a tree.
• 17:03
  Speaker 6: Help me up out of the mud. We puddled on
• 17:15
  Speaker 6: for a couple of hours. The rain was so thick
• 17:17
  Speaker 6: I didn't see the trees until I bounced off of
• 17:19
  Speaker 6: them and sat down in the warm mud. I reflected
• 17:22
  Speaker 6: as I struggled on my feet what a terrible waste.
• 17:25
  Speaker 6: In the beauty salons of Charles of the Ritz Asteroid,
• 17:28
  Speaker 6: ladies from all over the galaxy paid thousands of credits
• 17:30
  Speaker 6: for hot mud baths to take the wrinkles out and
• 17:32
  Speaker 6: make their skin smooth and caressable. And here was I
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: getting a much more thorough treatment every time I sat down.
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: They issue a lot of special equipment from department stores
• 17:42
  Speaker 6: and it all functioned perfectly. My neo-latex galoshes were fine,
• 17:46
  Speaker 6: but stuck in the mud. My Minipower goggles and wipers
• 17:49
  Speaker 6: kept my eyes clear, but they didn't keep me.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: From crashing into every tree.
• 17:53
  Speaker 6: My leak-proof sportsman's flashlight stayed dry as a bone, but
• 17:55
  Speaker 6: powerful as it was, it couldn't light up more than
• 17:57
  Speaker 6: three feet in the pelting rain. Paul, the resident, led
• 18:00
  Speaker 6: the way, consoling a compass and a waterproof map, and
• 18:03
  Speaker 6: finally we stopped, and I noticed that there wasn't any
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: rain coming down on me.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: It's a rain shelter. The natives build them.
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: Kind of them.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Well, they're on all the trails.
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: If you go more than a day in the rain,
• 18:13
  Speaker 6: you go punchy from water drumming on your hat.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: I believe it.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Well, now, don't sit down. You'll sink in. I don't know.
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: Theoretically, a broader base should keep you from sinking like snowshoes.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Well, also increases the suction.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: I'll stand.
• 18:24
  Speaker 6: How far is Munger's village? Either two miles or 22.
• 18:28
  Speaker 6: I can't read the map very well.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: Hey, wait a minute. Listen. Well, that's the rain.
• 18:33
  Speaker 6: No, no, no.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: You hear that squelching?
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: Somebody's coming.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah. From over there. Native? Maybe. There he comes.
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: We've got first pick on the shelter. It's a native tradition.
• 18:45
  Speaker 6: First come, first dry. Yeah, there's somebody out there, all right.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: Who's there?
• 18:48
  Speaker 6: Who is it?
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: A friend of mine, Mr. Baumholzer.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: All right, Munger. Where did you come from?
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Don't move. I have several friends pointing long spears at
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: your kidney. Shall we go, gentlemen, back to my village?
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: I believe you were looking for it.
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: Munger was so intent on me that he didn't seem.
• 19:19
  Speaker 6: To notice as Hall sidled off into the darkness, and
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: when he did, he set up a desperate cackle. He
• 19:26
  Speaker 6: had a few of his fraternity brothers chased down the
• 19:28
  Speaker 6: trail with spears waving wildly, but they came back murmuring
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: some kind of a chock-taw which seemed to carry the
• 19:32
  Speaker 6: implication that Hall had gotten away like a big bottom turtle.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Well, Mr. Baumholzer? Your companion's action has saved your life
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: for a while.
• 19:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah, he'll bring back a platoon of Marines and they'll
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: reduce that village to a bullion cube.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: We'll just have to hold you as a hostage in
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: case help should arrive.
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: Thanks.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: At any rate, shall we get back to the village?
• 19:59
  Speaker 6: He had about ten natives with him, each one about
• 20:01
  Speaker 6: seven foot tall, with those big flat feet that evolved
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: on Denham for walking in primordial ooze. They were dressed
• 20:07
  Speaker 6: in the standard native loincloth with matching accessories, namely 10-foot spears. When,
• 20:12
  Speaker 6: as we started out along the trail, I got a
• 20:14
  Speaker 6: good look at Munger's loincloth, it was composed of tastefully
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: arranged thousand-credit notes. By the time we got back to
• 20:22
  Speaker 6: the village, the rain had stopped. The humidity, of course,
• 20:24
  Speaker 6: was still 120%, and the only difference was that the
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: moisture just loitered around rather than actually falling.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: There was some kind of a clam bake going on
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: in the village.
• 20:32
  Speaker 6: The natives were pounding a couple of drums, and as
• 20:34
  Speaker 6: far as I could see, getting rapidly stinko on some
• 20:36
  Speaker 6: kind of jungle juice that they passed around in huge gourds.
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: They were leaping and dancing, and as far as I
• 20:41
  Speaker 6: could tell, doing snappy sayings and fancy patter as I
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: sat on some kind of a low mushroom and tried
• 20:45
  Speaker 6: to ignore the two spears that were pressed against my throat.
• 20:48
  Speaker 6: It felt as if a nervous barber was trying to
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: shave me with his razor tied on the end of
• 20:51
  Speaker 6: a ten-foot pole. After a bit, Munger strode up to
• 20:54
  Speaker 6: me with all the dignity of the lord of the jungle,
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: and he waved the spears a foot away, pulled up
• 20:58
  Speaker 6: a mushroom, and sat down.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: Actually, you know, that wasn't a native rhythm at all.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: The original Denebian music is a kind of quiet, flute-like melody,
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: something like Mozart.
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: That didn't sound very flute-like.
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: Yes, I know. One of the first terrestrial anthropologists out
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: here to study the Denebs took recordings of their music,
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: and then, to be polite, he played them in a
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: few recordings that he'd made on an earlier field trip. Unfortunately,
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: they were from that lost rocket colony on Ceres. Their
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: music was a degenerate ancient form called, I believe, Roland Rock.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: The Denebs liked it. And they've been doing it ever since.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: What's the party? They're propitiating the tree. I don't know why.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: It's never failed yet. But they're very conservative. They've got
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: to go into this act every night before I can
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: do my stuff. Blasts all night. Want a drink?
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: No, no, thanks.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, I wish I had a fifth of something civilized.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: I've been drinking this native swamp water for much too long.
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: He was right.
• 22:08
  Speaker 6: They kept it up all night, and I sat trying
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: to figure out in which hut Munger kept his machinery
• 22:12
  Speaker 6: to make those duplicate bills. Finally, the weak light that
• 22:15
  Speaker 6: passes for dawn on Dennett came up, and the natives
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: quit hollering.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Let's go, Bonanza. I hate to keep a man in suspense.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: You're curious about those duplicate bills. Well, now you're going
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: to find out how it's done.
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: Well, it's good of you to show me. I suppose
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: your theory is that I'll never live to tell about it.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: That's very sensible of you. I like a man who
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: can face facts.
• 22:48
  Speaker 6: We walked across the mud square to the base of
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: a tremendous tree, which I gathered was the guest of
• 22:52
  Speaker 6: honor for last night's chivalry. I still couldn't see the connection,
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: but I was willing to wait. The natives sat around
• 22:58
  Speaker 6: in a deathly hush. Munger and I stepped forward.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: You notice? Nothing up my sleeves. As a matter of fact,
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: no sleeves.
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: Not much on me, then.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Now, I take this 50-credit note. Care to examine it?
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, I've seen it, and 14 others like it.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, I only use the 1,000-credit bill when the natives
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: need new loincloths. These 50s are a lot easier to
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: dispose of.
• 23:18
  Speaker 8: Oh, I don't know.
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: I traced them to you.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: Well, that was a mistake. One of my contacts got
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: a little greedy, spent too many bills in one place.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: All right. Now, I used to have the natives make
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: a loud noise, but I'll use your gun instead here.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: You see, I take this bill, fold it, so... And so.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 23:42
  Speaker 8: And there.
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: What are you making a paper plane for?
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: Just watch. I raise the note in one hand, I
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: aim at the tree, and I fire your gun up
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: in the air. Like this.
• 24:03
  Speaker 6: As he let fly with my gun, Munger sailed the
• 24:05
  Speaker 6: paper airplane straight at the tree, and.
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: It sailed right into the foliage.
• 24:07
  Speaker 8: Now watch!
• 24:14
  Speaker 6: The bill came sailing back out of the leaves, and
• 24:16
  Speaker 6: right behind it came another one. And then the air
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: was filled with paper planes, squadrons, wings, armadas of paper airplanes,
• 24:23
  Speaker 6: each one made up of a folded 50-credit note. They
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: sailed out over the whole village, and Munger set the
• 24:28
  Speaker 6: natives to collecting them and bringing them back.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: There you are. There'll be several thousands of them. Look, look, look, look, look, look. Genuine.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Absolutely genuine.
• 24:37
  Speaker 6: And I suppose they'd go over a beeper plate without
• 24:39
  Speaker 6: a tinkle.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Startling, isn't it? Protective mimicry? Yes, yes, precisely. You know,
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I discovered this tree six years ago while I was
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: attempting to evade the clutches of the law and the
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: confidence rent. I swung an axe at it to blaze
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: a trail, and 50 axes came bouncing back at me.
• 24:58
  Speaker 6: Well, I never heard of any plant developing mimicry to
• 25:00
  Speaker 6: this extent. I know some plants and animals assume dangerous
• 25:03
  Speaker 6: life forms as a camouflage, but this?
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm not a botanist. All I know is that
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: you scare the tree with a loud noise. You throw
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: something at it, and it duplicates what it thinks is
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: the danger. Well, speaking of danger, it doesn't look as
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: if your colleague is bringing any help. Oh, I'll miss
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: your company. Interesting. You'll be shot with your own gun. Now, look, Munger,
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: don't wriggle. I hate a moving target. What is that?
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: Looks like the cops, Munger, at the edge of the village.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: Home host, sir, where are you? We outnumber them. Oh, no!
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: I'll get you anyway.
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: No, no.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: You can't run away from me. I'll shoot.
• 25:54
  Speaker 6: I broke for the other side of the square, and
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: just as he shot at me, I tripped.
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: Over a pot and went flying smack into the tree. Well,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: that's about it.
• 26:04
  Speaker 6: Here we sit in the spaceport on Den of Eleven,
• 26:06
  Speaker 6: and I'm darned if I'll pay our transportation back until
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: I hear that the office is going to okay my
• 26:11
  Speaker 6: expense account.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: Munger?
• 26:14
  Speaker 6: Oh, he's in jail at New Alcatraz. Once he missed
• 26:17
  Speaker 6: his shot at me, it was all over. After I
• 26:19
  Speaker 6: fell into the tree, he didn't stand a chance against us.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 26:24
  Speaker 6: Us.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: All 168 of me. Right, Ed?
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: Right!
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: Right! Right!
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right! Right! Right!
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:35
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:36
  Speaker 9: Right! Right!
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:37
  Speaker 9: Right!
• 26:37
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: Right! Right!
• 26:38
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right! Right! Right!
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: Right! Right!
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:40
  Speaker 9: Right!
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:41
  Speaker 9: Right!
• 26:41
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:42
  Speaker 9: Right!
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: Right!
• 26:42
  Speaker 9: Right! Right! Right!
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right! Right!
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:45
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:45
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: Right!
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:46
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right! Right!
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Right! Right!
• 26:47
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Right! Right!
• 26:48
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:48
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:48
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right!
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: Right!
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: Right!
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right!
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: Right! Right!
• 26:51
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:51
  Speaker 9: Right!
• 26:52
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right! Right! Right! Right!
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: Right!
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:53
  Speaker 8: Right!
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:53
  Speaker 9: Right!
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: Right!
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: Right! Right!
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Right!
• 26:55
  Speaker 6: Right! Right! Right! Right! Right! Right!
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: In appreciation of bringing adult science fiction to the listening
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: audience through the medium of this program, X-Minus One, Galaxy
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: Magazine wishes to make the following free offer to our listeners.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: For the first 2,500 who write in requesting it, we
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: will send a sample copy of Galaxy Magazine at absolutely
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: no cost. This is an opportunity to read the finest
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: in adult science fiction, just as you listen to it
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: each week here on X-Minus One. To get your free
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: sample copy of Galaxy, just write a postcard or letter
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: to X-1 NBC Radio City, New York 20, New York,
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  Speaker 2: your name and address plainly on your card or letter.
• 27:47
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• 27:49
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• 27:53
  Speaker 2: be sure to write without delay. Here is the address again.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: write to X-1 NBC Radio City, New York 20, New York.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Your sample copy of Galaxy will be sent to you
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: without obligation of any kind.
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: Tonight, by transcription, X-1 has brought you Protective Mimicry, written
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: by Algis Brutus, and adapted for.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: Radio by Ernest Canoy.
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: Featured in tonight's cast were Mandel Kramer, Terry Keene, Charles Penman,
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: Dick Hamilton.
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: And Wendell Holmes. This is Roger Tuttle.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: X-1 was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: Radio Network production. © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
• 29:14
  Speaker 10: Remember, for your free sample copy of Galaxy, just send
• 29:19
  Speaker 10: a postcard to X-1 NBC Radio City, New York 20,
• 29:25
  Speaker 10: New York. Now be sure to print your name and
• 29:28
  Speaker 10: address plainly on your card. This offer can be made
• 29:32
  Speaker 10: only once, so if you want your own free copy
• 29:35
  Speaker 10: of this leading science fiction publication, be sure to write
• 29:39
  Speaker 10: without delay. The address again, X-1, NBC, Radio City, New
• 29:47
  Speaker 10: York 20, New York. The Roaring Twenties in song and
• 29:53
  Speaker 10: story hear Gordon McRae in The Best Things in Life
• 29:56
  Speaker 10: Are Free tonight.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: We close this visit with X-1's protective mimicry. Follow X-1
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: for more classic broadcasts.