Latest / The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler / What to do when you’re ashamed of your messy home

Transcript

What to do when you’re ashamed of your messy home · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

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  Speaker: If you're feeling ashamed about the state of your house, then you need a
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  game plan, not a slow living escape video or a self-justifying whining session.
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  You need real homemaking motivation, and I've got you
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  If you are a normal mom in a normal situation, then for sure you have
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  or currently are looking around and saying, " Why are these toys
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  scattered all over the place?
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  Why is it so hard to keep the kitchen clean?
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  I'm the only one who ever cares about cooking and cleaning.
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  Do you see this mess?"
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  This mess means I'm a failure.
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  I just can't manage.
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  I can't keep all the plates spinning.
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  I'm never doing enough.
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  I'm never doing well enough.
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  I need to be more efficient, more organized, have more
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  routines, plan better, something
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  I hear this all the time.
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  If you were to come into Convivial Circle, my community where I help
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  Christian moms become more cheerful, capable homemakers, then these three
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  things are where I would have you start
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  First, I would have you brain dump.
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  Second, I would have you set a timer for 10 minutes
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  And third, we would write down three things for you today.
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  Third, you'd write down three things that you were gonna do today, and one
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  of those three things would be smile
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  So let's dive in and get more specific about each one of these three.
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  You can even follow along and do these along with me, pausing if you
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  need to, and then continuing so that you can stop feeling ashamed of the
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  state of your house, spiraling in your head, and feeling like there's
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  no way for you to stop feeling behind.
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  There is, and here's what we're gonna do to tackle it.
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  First, you're gonna brain dump.
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  Brain dump means writing down whatever thoughts are in your head onto paper.
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  So grab any paper, a notebook, an index card, the back of an envelope,
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  the back of a packaging wrapper.
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  It can be trash.
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  It doesn't matter what you're writing things on, but you're going
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  to write down what's in your head.
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  Because a big part of that shame spiral is just letting our thoughts
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  take the wheel and take control and spiral into vague, nebulous negativity.
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  It's always easier to be critical than to be constructive.
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  And so those negative loops are really just the easy
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  path that our brain is taking
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  It takes effort and work to be constructive, to build something,
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  to do something different.
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  And your brain would rather choose the comfortable path
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  of noticing what's wrong and feeling bad about it So we're going to
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  stop that negative mental spiral by becoming more aware of it.
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  The brain dump is where you write that all down, and it becomes less
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  scary and less negative, less shameful when you write those words down on
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  paper and see them for what they are.
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  When you can see them and think about them concretely, some of
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  their emotional weight is removed.
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  And instead of simply feeling those things, you can think
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  about them more objectively.
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  You get to take a step back and have more self-awareness
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  and even situation awareness.
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  And then you can process them and think about them, and even reject them, reject
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  those thoughts and feelings and recognize like, "Why am I even thinking this?
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  This is actually wrong.
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  This is actually a bad perspective.
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  The truth is this other thing over here."
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  And it's only in being able to think about what we're thinking that we
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  can have that kind of negotiation and self-awareness with ourselves.
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  So this is where the brain dump exercise is so helpful to get out of
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  the negative shame spiral in our heads.
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  So one way to get started with this is just to set a timer, five
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  minutes if you've never brain dumped before, 10 minutes if you've tried it
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  before, and just see what comes out.
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  You will probably be surprised.
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  Okay, so the second thing that we're going to do is to set a timer for
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  10 minutes and pick one area of the house that's really bothering you.
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  It doesn't really matter what it is.
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  It could be the dishes, it could be the laundry, it could be the
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  table over by the front door.
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  It doesn't have to be the most significant or the most important thing.
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  It actually just has to be something that bothers you
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  So what really feels like it's nagging at you right now?
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  What do you wish you had time to take care of
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  But you just don't think that you have the time Maybe it's your desk,
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  maybe it's your bedside table.
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  , Maybe it's the coat closet.
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  Something probably that doesn't seem essential, but it's really bothering you.
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  Pick what's really bothering you without worrying about what
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  the most important thing is.
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  This is just 10 minutes.
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  Take care of that one spot for 10 minutes.
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  This helps us in two ways.
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  First If you pay attention to this spot before your 10 minutes and after your
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  10 minutes, you will be amazed at the difference that 10 minutes can make.
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  10 minutes of focused activity in one specific spot can make a huge difference.
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  And you're not worried about finishing it.
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  You're not worried about getting it to a certain state.
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  All you're doing is spending 10 minutes making it better And you
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  really can make it so much better than you thought in only 10 minutes.
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  And so this helps us recognize our ability to actually get things done, which our
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  negative spiral is telling us that we don't have time, that we can't get things
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  done, that we are not good at stuff.
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  And so just spending 10 minutes and noticing the improvement that 10 minutes
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  can make completely flips that script.
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  And then you start recognizing, "Hey, I can use 10 minutes to make
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  a difference," and that feels great.
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  And the second thing that- really makes this change your feelings about
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  yourself and your home is that you chose something that's bothering you rather than
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  something that just maybe feels like you should do but you don't care about it.
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  You can spend 10 minutes fixing something that bothers you That is
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  agency, that is responsibility, and that is what the shame thoughts in your
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  head are actually removing from you.
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  So you will shut down all those feelings of shame around your supposed inability
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  to keep up with the housework when you become the kind of person who can
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  just take care of something that's bothering you in 10 minutes or less.
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  That's a completely different picture, a completely different story.
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  The same circumstances, but one is shutting you down and just beating you
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  down, and the other says, "No biggie.
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  I can make a difference in 10 minutes.
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  I do that all the time.
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  I don't have to take all day.
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  I don't have to make it perfect.
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  I don't have to finish it.
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  But if there is something that's bothering me, I can make it better in 10 minutes.
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  I can improve my situation.
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  I can take responsibility.
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  I can make a difference here."
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  And then you just do it in a way that is not very significant
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  in the whole scope of your day.
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  You know, just 10 minutes
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  It completely changes your orientation and your approach and that internal
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  narrative about the work to be done.
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  And it starts with just a 10-minute timer.
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  Try it
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  All right, the third thing that you are going to do when your house,
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  when the state of your house is just really dragging you down, is you're
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  gonna take an index card or a Post-it Note or some kind of small piece of
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  paper, we call this a daily card, and you're gonna write down just three
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  things that you're gonna do today
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  Three small things
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  And one of those things that you are going to do is smile.
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  It needs to go on the top of your list because your face and your attitude
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  and your approach to your home and to the people around you as a mom
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  and a wife makes all the difference.
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  We as wives and mothers set the tone for our home.
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  And so if we want to enjoy our home, if we want our children to enjoy the home
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  and enjoy one another and have fellowship and peace in the home, it starts with us,
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  and it actually is as simple as smiling.
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  It doesn't take getting on top of everything.
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  It doesn't start with having dinner on the table on time.
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  It's important, but that's not actually where you start.
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  You don't start with picking everything up or getting rid of everything.
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  You actually start with smiling
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  And that joy turns into energy to actually do the most important things
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  throughout the day, to recognize what the most important things are.
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  Because a smile, again, gets you out of yourself, focuses you on
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  other people and other things
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  reminds you that you do enjoy your life.
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  And it makes such a difference that it is worth putting on the top of
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  your to-do list, even when your to-do list has only three things.
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  I have a free training about doing this daily card with only three things per day
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  And you can take that free training by going to simplyconvivial.com/organized,
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  or you can find a link in the description below.
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  It's a 45-minute free workshop all about how to choose those three things
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  and how it works and why you should definitely try it to actually get
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  more done by choosing just a top three
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  You see, when that story in your head making you feel ashamed of your messy
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  home is saying, "You're not good enough.
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  The work you do isn't good enough," then that is a script
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  that you're going to have to flip
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  And that doesn't just mean contradicting it and saying,
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  "No, actually everything's fine."
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  Instead, you're going to look and say, "Look at what I did do today."
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  There's always going to be more that you didn't do, but you're going to flip
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  what you're noticing and notice what you did do, and not only what you didn't do.
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  Then you say, "Tomorrow I'm gonna do more.
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  Look, this work is making a difference.
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  I can bring order out of chaos, even in just 10 minutes with that timer."
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  Inside Convivial Circle, we have courses and conversations happening all the
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  time so that women can tell themselves a true story, and notice progress, and
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  pursue greater and greater faithfulness in their work so that they can truly
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  enjoy building thriving family homes.
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  And we'd love to have you join us.
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  Just go to convivialcircle.com,
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  where every day we repent, rejoice, repeat.