Latest / Sass & Small TALK / The Invisible Load of: BREAKING GENERATIONAL CYCLES

Transcript

The Invisible Load of: BREAKING GENERATIONAL CYCLES · Sass & Small TALK

0:00
SPEAKER_00: I still hear those voices.
0:00
SPEAKER_00: I still hear my guidance counselor.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: You better do good at school.
0:03
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna end up like the rest of your people downtown.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: My French teacher being racist to me in French and thinking that I don't understand because I was the only native kid in the class, and then kicking me out of the class because I understood what she said.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: My first counselor.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
0:20
SPEAKER_00: You gotta get it out of your head that you can save the world because you're never gonna be able to save the world.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: My parenting, I'm very honest with them.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's hard conversations.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to let them think that the world is one way when it really isn't, and not prepare them.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: Having to sit down with your six-year-old and explain it's society.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't created for us.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: And it really was a process of unlearning releasing that and letting it go.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: And something clicked.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: And I understood it.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: I know how to use this now in a good way.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: And I was able to take all of that hurt and transform it into something that filled my soul, but also made an impact.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: Creating new cycles.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm in all of you.
1:06
SPEAKER_03: I'm in offview.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: I need my sass back.
1:16
SPEAKER_03: If you're doing it all from meltdown to task and still fighting to keep up that sass, friend, I got you.
1:23
SPEAKER_03: Hey, I'm Deb, host of Sass and Smalltalk, the mental load of parenthood, season two.
1:29
SPEAKER_03: As a mom of two smollies, navigating life with a neurodivergent family, and my own neurospicy brain, caregiving for aging parents, and trying to hold it all together with girls.
1:41
SPEAKER_03: I know what it means to carry the mental, emotional, and invisible load of parenting.
1:46
SPEAKER_03: But here's the thing: we weren't meant to do this alone.
1:49
SPEAKER_03: This season, we're exploring the many faces of parenthood, from single parents to co-parents, blended families to chosen families, and everything in between.
1:58
SPEAKER_03: Right here in our beautiful city of Victoria BC and beyond.
2:02
SPEAKER_03: They're sharing real stories of overwhelm, grief, imposter syndrome, breaking generational cycles with the resilience it takes to keep showing up.
2:11
SPEAKER_03: Real parents, real families, real stories.
2:14
SPEAKER_03: Because it takes a village to raise a child and a community to raise their parent.
2:22
SPEAKER_03: How do we break cycles when the blueprint we inherited was broken?
2:26
SPEAKER_03: What does parenting look like when you're doing the work to heal yourself while raising kids who need more from the world and from you?
2:34
SPEAKER_03: Today we're sitting with Nicole Ermanskin, also known as Nikki E, an indigenous single mom, an artist, and a fierce cycle breaker who's rewriting what motherhood looks like in real time.
2:45
SPEAKER_03: Her journey, it's one of unlearning, reclaiming, and choosing joy, even after deep pain.
2:50
SPEAKER_03: Raised in a family where creativity was a way to survive, inspired by the strength and artistry of the ones who raised her, Nikki learned early on that healing could happen through rhythm, kindness, and truth.
3:02
SPEAKER_03: Now, as an Hewan and Metis mother of two, she's building a life rooted in community and culture.
3:08
SPEAKER_03: A life where her children always come first, building her career around their needs, their rhythms, and their joy.
3:15
SPEAKER_03: Self-taught and soul-driven, Nikki is a digital media artist, business owner, educator, advocate, and community builder, video and audio engineer, producer, recording and performing artist, MC, and event curator.
3:29
SPEAKER_03: She mentors the Indigenous youth to create, heal, and use their voice to take up space in the artistic community.
3:35
SPEAKER_03: Her story is one of hope in motion, a living example of resilience, truth, and the power of turning pain into purpose.
3:43
SPEAKER_03: This is Nikki.
3:45
SPEAKER_03: Hi, Nikki.
3:46
SPEAKER_03: Hi.
3:47
SPEAKER_03: Fun fact before we start the set behind me is the true essence of her artistry.
3:56
SPEAKER_03: My girl did this set.
3:58
SPEAKER_03: Okay, so, and I know you're not gonna mention that, so I'm gonna just do that for you.
4:02
SPEAKER_03: She's been part of the Assassin's Mals team since the onset with Talus and Story Hive.
4:08
SPEAKER_03: So I am honored to have her here.
4:10
SPEAKER_03: I didn't have to beg her.
4:12
SPEAKER_03: You were willing to share your story, but I had to hunt her down because she is a hot commodity in the city.
4:18
SPEAKER_03: Again, you'll soon see.
4:19
SPEAKER_03: This is the kind of talent we're dealing with.
4:21
SPEAKER_03: And she's usually uh behind the camera, and so we are very, very lucky to have her in front of the camera.
4:26
SPEAKER_03: So welcome, Miss Nikki.
4:28
SPEAKER_03: I'm very happy to have you.
4:30
SPEAKER_03: Before we dig into the history, let's start with your world today.
4:34
SPEAKER_03: Who sits at your table?
4:36
SPEAKER_03: Tell me about your family story.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: I'll introduce myself.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: Uh, Tansei, Niamisiotinesqueo.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm Neoan.
4:43
SPEAKER_00: My family's from Flying Dust, First Nation, Meadow Lakes, Saskatchewan.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my given name at birth is Nicole Erminskin.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: My MC name is Nikki E.
4:52
SPEAKER_03: Nikki E.
4:53
SPEAKER_03: So who sits at your table, Miss Nikki?
4:56
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm a single mom of two.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: I have a six-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter, and the three of us live at home.
5:03
SPEAKER_03: And what does your parenting style look like at home?
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: It's a mix between chaos and structure, I guess.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: It's healthy medium.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's we kind of, I don't know.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: I um the lot of the work that I do is kind of chaotic, you know, and it's like I kind of thrive in those environments.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, my my kids, I kind of don't have a lot of structure at home.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: I go with the way that they like to be in the world, you know, and I support that.
5:33
SPEAKER_03: So it's more of a child-led family structure.
5:36
SPEAKER_03: I love that.
5:36
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
5:37
SPEAKER_03: Um with routines, with structure.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we definitely we have our little routines, right?
5:41
SPEAKER_00: Like my son, my son is very routine-based.
5:44
SPEAKER_00: He has his own routines.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: Like he's very, he knows what he wants and is very like, tomorrow, this is our plan.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm wearing.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: These are my shoes.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: These are the toys that are coming.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: This is where we're eating.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: So he has everything planned before the He's a planner.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I like it because I'm like, oh, okay, well, I'm just gonna drive you and it'll be great.
6:04
SPEAKER_03: So you're also a chauffeur.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
6:05
SPEAKER_03: You're a planner and a chauffeur.
6:07
SPEAKER_03: I love that.
6:08
SPEAKER_03: So, what are you most proud of showing up for your kids?
6:11
SPEAKER_03: What do you think they admire most about you as their mama?
6:14
SPEAKER_03: And what are you most proud of?
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I think they admire the fact that, you know, no matter what life threw at me, I still followed my dreams.
6:25
unknown: Ah.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: And I still allowed it to happen, you know?
6:29
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's something that I know my oldest hasn't really seen, you know.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: Um my son is a little different.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: So like he he's he's definitely had a different, a different experience than my daughter.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: But I see them when we do shows or I perform or I do something that's makes me really happy.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: I see how they get happy and they they're excited, and then they feel more confident to do the things that they want to do.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Best modeling ever.
6:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my my oldest is definitely an artist, like performing artist, a poet, plays guitar, is a DJ.
7:05
SPEAKER_00: So they definitely I want to sit in your living room one day.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: And then my son is an artist.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: He he's like, he is a yeah.
7:13
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
7:14
SPEAKER_03: So you me you make room for the artistry.
7:16
SPEAKER_03: You make sure that is you know, front and center.
7:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
7:20
SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's incredible.
7:20
SPEAKER_03: So yeah, they are proud of that, and you certainly are proud of that because that's a reflection of the choices you made.
7:26
SPEAKER_03: But we'll get more into that.
7:28
SPEAKER_03: What does joy or safety look like in your home?
7:33
SPEAKER_00: Joy looks like us all stimming together.
7:35
unknown: Okay.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: And what's that?
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh, like somebody will say something or like start singing a song, and then we'll either finish the song or somebody will say something funny, and then we'll all kind of do it.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: And then it kind of just like steamrolls.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it just like we just are so silly.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: It's like the silliness and the laughing and the being yourself and like just being safe to unmask.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Just be yourself.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, like I I haven't really experienced that in a home setting.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, like it's I don't, yeah, just a lot of laughing, you know, but things get real.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: But like we sure we we figure it out.
8:17
SPEAKER_03: And this is your place of joy and safety in the home, stimming together, doing the things you guys love, and it kind of still centers around this artistry of expression.
8:25
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:25
SPEAKER_03: Like that's kind of amazing.
8:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
8:27
SPEAKER_03: And I just found out recently that singing can be stimming.
8:31
SPEAKER_03: And I I never realized that.
8:32
SPEAKER_03: I find myself kind of vocalizing once in a while, or I see friends that do that, and it's repetitive almost.
8:38
SPEAKER_03: And you're like, oh, this actually is comforting.
8:40
SPEAKER_03: It centers us the repetitive It's definitely repetitive.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: Somebody makes a funny noise and we'll copy the noise.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: And I love it.
8:47
SPEAKER_00: And then then it just becomes an orchestra.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, like 20 minutes go by, and we're like just laughing.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: And I'm and it's it's so nice, you know?
8:56
SPEAKER_00: Like it's and it just happens so spontaneously.
8:59
SPEAKER_00: That's the best part.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
9:00
SPEAKER_03: So you guys are each other's people.
9:02
SPEAKER_03: Like you're just like, they get you, you get them.
9:05
SPEAKER_03: I love that cohesiveness.
9:06
SPEAKER_03: And that just makes it that just I love that so much.
9:09
SPEAKER_03: Now we're gonna get to the the nitty-gritty, okay?
9:12
SPEAKER_03: I want to talk about Nikki, uh, how she became Nikki, the woman, Nikki the mom, Nikki the artist.
9:21
SPEAKER_03: I want to hear all about it, but we have to really dig deep into the the history.
9:26
SPEAKER_03: There is a reason why you parent with intention and you walk through, you know, so many layers of hardship.
9:31
SPEAKER_03: I'd really like to go to where it began, your your upbringing, your family, your home life, wherever you feel shaped the way you move through motherhood and also whatever you're comfortable with.
9:42
SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna just give you the mic.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: It all started in Vancouver, 1985.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: That's where I was born.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: My mom's tubes were tied, so I was like a miracle baby from the beginning.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Like it was very an interesting creation story for sure.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: Not surprising.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: You are a miracle, yes.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: So my mom unfortunately has her own struggles, and raising children was definitely one of those struggles.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: I definitely don't blame her.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm actually really grateful for my upbringing.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: But I was raised by my biological grandfather and his wife in Vancouver.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: And Henry and uh Peggy.
10:20
SPEAKER_03: Oh, and what do you call them?
10:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh, they were mom and dad, and then like grandma, grandpa, yeah.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so they raised me very humble home.
10:30
SPEAKER_00: We lived in social housing, they lived off of old age pension.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: We did what we could, and yeah, they raised me, and I grew up in the same house until I moved out when I was 21.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: So like we lived in the same apartment that whole time.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: That truly was home.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: Like I was lucky in that way, I guess, where I had that stability and I went to the same elementary school my whole life.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: I went to the same high school, like I knew the same people growing up.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: Right.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: So, like, I definitely had I was lucky in that way where they gave me stability and really taught me about life.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: My grandma, she was conceived on a freight train from Wabasca, Alberta, to Vancouver and was born on Cordova and Main Street when it was like shacks and forest in 1934.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: She lived in East Vancouver her whole life, raised kids.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: That was her job, and she was amazing at it.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: And she passed away at Mount St.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: Joseph's Hospital when I was 21.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: My I had my daughter, and my daughter's about six months old.
11:35
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you had a baby when she had passed.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right before.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: But she held on.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: She held on to meet her.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: To meet, and she named her as well.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
11:45
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's beautiful.
11:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she was really sick, but she wanted to stay because it was her first great grandbaby.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: So she was like, no, I'm gonna stay.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, can you please name her?
11:54
SPEAKER_03: And oh, that's beautiful.
11:56
SPEAKER_03: Were you part of the caregiving her caregiving team, or was she sick as in like in the hospital, or she had it was a bit of both.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: It was a bit of both.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was definitely there with her through after my grandpa passed.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: My grandpa passed away when I was 16.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: And so I was definitely her support person, but also at the same time, I didn't have any support.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: And you were the only child as far as the hush hook was concerned.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, that's the other thing is I'm one of eight children.
12:24
SPEAKER_03: One of eight.
12:25
SPEAKER_03: So that's a tiny detail to leave out.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: So my my my mom and dad, they both have children.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: They were all raised together in the prairies.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: So I was raised as an only child.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't even know that they exist until I was in my early teens.
12:42
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
12:43
SPEAKER_03: That's why they were mom and dad.
12:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
12:46
SPEAKER_03: Up until your early teens, how old is that?
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh, about I would say like 13, 14.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: Because I remember I met my sister when I was about 14 or 15.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: I went to Edmonton for my first time and like went there on the Greyhound bus by myself, which is wild.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: That's I wouldn't ever do that now.
13:03
SPEAKER_03: But I wouldn't have been on like half a century and I won't do that by myself.
13:08
SPEAKER_03: Wait a second.
13:09
SPEAKER_03: So you were age 30.
13:10
SPEAKER_03: Did you know at this point on that bus ride, did you already know that I'm meeting a sibling or was this okay?
13:16
SPEAKER_03: That's so how were you told?
13:17
SPEAKER_03: Like when did this the the truth come out?
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Like Well, my mom, my mom told me, and I was like, oh, I want to meet them.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: And then then we just kind of started to connect over the phone, and yeah.
13:30
SPEAKER_03: Let me ask you this.
13:31
SPEAKER_03: This is kind of the how do I word this?
13:34
SPEAKER_03: Okay, you said my mom told me, as in Peggy.
13:38
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
13:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, no.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: My my biological mother.
13:42
SPEAKER_03: Okay, got it.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: My biological mother, who I actually knew growing up, they were more of an auntie role than a mom role in my life.
13:48
SPEAKER_03: Okay, but you knew her as mom or you knew her as auntie?
13:51
SPEAKER_00: I kind of knew her as auntie, but now I refer to her as mom, even though yeah, it's it's super complicated.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: One thing I will say is like 80 to 90 percent of indigenous relations is complicated, very complicated.
14:04
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
14:05
SPEAKER_03: Yes, and then yet I can already sense the compassion, like that you always preface everything, like even the other times that we spoke, you preface with not blaming anyone.
14:14
SPEAKER_03: There's forgiveness, there's compassion, there's understanding of your history, even though maybe once upon a time you might not have understood it, but now you do as a mama, and we'll get to the present day.
14:25
SPEAKER_03: I'm still in the past here, I'm still living in the past.
14:27
SPEAKER_03: I just want to know do you feel this decision to have you stay with your grandma and grandpa growing up before knowing anything, meeting your siblings?
14:38
SPEAKER_03: Do you feel like that was a gift given to you ultimately?
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'd be sitting here honestly, like I don't know.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: I just I feel like I don't know.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: This might sound strange to say.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: Nothing's ever strange.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: Nothing's ever strange.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: I my mom is very intuitive, very intuitive woman, and we come from a long line of very intuitive people.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: And uh I think she knew.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: I think she knew that there was something different and that I needed to be somewhere different.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, my whole creation story is pretty wild, but yeah, I respect her for that.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: I think growing up, I didn't because I didn't understand.
15:24
SPEAKER_05: Of course.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until I had my own children that I really was like, okay, I get it.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, you know, I I don't know what she's been through, but I know that she definitely didn't have an easy life.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: And I understand now and I have compassion.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: I have compassion for her, and I really respect that decision that she made.
15:43
SPEAKER_00: My siblings all grew up either on the reserve or within like a Christian family, like very Christian family.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
15:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: And when my my grandpa took me in, my grandma and my grandpa took me in, they were in their early 50s, and my grandpa had gotten sober.
15:59
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: And he became a reverent and he helped other people get sober.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: And so those are my first memories are going to like church and going to AA and brought you into that.
16:13
SPEAKER_03: Wow.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: I knew the serenity prayer when I was like five.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: Incredible.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: Which is super wild.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: Like it is wild.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, like I wouldn't bring my kids to an AA meeting these days.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: I feel like things happen for a reason, and maybe I needed to understand some of those things at a young age.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: Both of my grandparents on my mom's side.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Well, my grandma on my mom's side went to residential school.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: My grandpa, he did not.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: My grandma that raised me, she went to day school, but she only went to grade two.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: She only had a grade two education, and then she had to drop out and she raised kids.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, she had nine other siblings and she was the oldest.
16:51
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: So back.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: This is your mom's.
16:53
SPEAKER_00: This is this is Peggy.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: This is Peggy.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: This is Peggy.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: My dad went to residential school.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: Our family on that side went to residential school.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that changed the course of my my dad's life completely.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know him.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: I met him once when I was 27 years old.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: I went to Flying Dust, my reserve, and met him at a powwow, and we spent the day together, and the next time I saw him, he had passed away.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: And how old were you?
17:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that holy moly.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: It was a few years after I met him, so I was like in my early 30s, I believe.
17:29
SPEAKER_03: Okay, you were an adult at this point.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: And uh but I know that he went to residential school, and I know that he's one of the stories where a lot of the horrible things, like some of the most horrible things, have happened.
17:46
SPEAKER_03: He's the age of my son, you know, he was like four when he went, so he struggled and um the way that he coped was alcohol and ended up taking him, so And here you are, you honor his memory and the suffering by speaking the truth.
18:07
SPEAKER_03: And how many years did this have to take for you to be able to admit the truth, speak the truth, know the truth?
18:17
SPEAKER_00: Oh, know the truth, yeah.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: Probably during my twenties, that's when I started to learn a lot about my history, where I'm from, and my family, and I advocated for youth voice a lot.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: Like I've I've I worked with youth for like 12 years, and that was my job.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: But the one thing that was hard for me was to tell my story, which is why I'm so elusive and like people don't really know much.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: And I kinda like that, but at the same time I understand the importance of sharing sharing my story because I know that I'm not the only one who's been through that or has been displaced or has been through these challenges in life, and you know, like I think there was a point when I wanted to give up.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: Many points, actually, I'm not gonna lie.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: And it started at a really young age.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just so happy that I fought and I fought through it, you know?
19:15
SPEAKER_03: Me too.
19:16
SPEAKER_03: And your purpose is very clear right now.
19:19
SPEAKER_03: We'll get to exactly what that purpose is.
19:21
SPEAKER_03: You gotta hang on for that part because this is the turnaround story.
19:26
SPEAKER_03: I think this is why I I'm so honored.
19:28
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
19:29
SPEAKER_03: Thank you from the bottom of my heart, really for trusting me and trusting really everyone who's gonna be watching this and hearing this.
19:37
SPEAKER_03: You are sharing something so incredibly sacred to you.
19:42
SPEAKER_03: The history of your family, the history of yourself.
19:44
SPEAKER_03: I I'm there's no words except thank you.
19:48
SPEAKER_03: But how essential it is to know the truth behind everything because you're a turnaround, your whatever happens, not a turnaround because it's it's not you who need to do the work, although you you made choices, and those choices led to the life you have.
20:05
SPEAKER_03: It's just so impactful knowing where you came from.
20:08
SPEAKER_03: It really is.
20:08
SPEAKER_03: So thank you for trusting us.
20:10
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
20:11
SPEAKER_03: I'm glad we got you at a time where you're willing.
20:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
20:15
SPEAKER_03: But that takes such strength, but obviously, to survive what you did, what your family did, and knowing what you know, strength.
20:23
SPEAKER_03: The essence of strength and resilience.
20:24
SPEAKER_03: So thank you.
20:25
SPEAKER_03: But I gotta go back to your grandparents.
20:31
SPEAKER_03: There was a different flavor there in the way you were raised.
20:37
SPEAKER_03: What was that?
20:37
SPEAKER_03: And how did it kind of lead to the next part of your life?
20:41
SPEAKER_00: That's a big one.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the flavor.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: They so they were elders.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they were boomers, they were elders.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: I I was raised as a Gen X kid.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is crazy to me.
20:51
SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm not a Gen X person.
20:54
SPEAKER_03: This is not a Gen X age group.
20:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no.
20:57
SPEAKER_03: But you grew up Gen X.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 100%.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: Hey, what does that mean?
21:00
SPEAKER_00: I had a lot I had a key to my house at seven, seven years old, right?
21:03
SPEAKER_00: So a year, my son is sick.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: So that, you know, like that's just wild to me.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: He's not gonna have a key at seven.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: Um you know better.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: And like, I remember the first time I rode the bus, I was 10.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: So it was like it was the way that they saw the world was very different.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: And it was a lot of independence and a lot of um figuring it out on your own.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: But like I said, my my grandpa was a reverent, but before that, he was a rolling stone.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Like he he was a musician that traveled all over Turtle Island and played shows and handsome, big brown, tall man just like playing country music, and it was like swoon worthy.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: Like that, and that's how him and my grandma fell in love.
21:45
SPEAKER_02: So they'd know okay, we get a love story out of this.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: My my grandma was a go go dancer.
21:50
SPEAKER_02: Oh, come on now.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: So in yeah, so like on the downtown east side on Hastings and Maine, back before the way it is now, it used to be like Gramble.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: To be like where everyone to went to go party and like dance, and and it was segregated at that time.
22:05
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: So it was like men on one side, women on the other.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: The only place you can meet was on the dance floor.
22:10
SPEAKER_03: On the dance floor, okay.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: So my grandpa was playing that night, and my grandma was there with one of her sisters, and her sister's like, You have to come see this guy.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: She's like, I don't want to.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: Oh, come on.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: There was resistance at first.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: And then, well, there was resistance with a long time.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: A little night.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: Like until yeah, until they, yeah, she gave in.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: But um Thank goodness.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, she was a go-go dancer.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: And she, but you know, looking back, she did give them lots of resistance.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: But like in her story, she's like, we looked at each other and instantly fell in love.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, wow, that is so beautiful.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: And their story was really beautiful.
22:47
SPEAKER_03: And like, you're talking about he was a Rolling Stone.
22:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
22:50
SPEAKER_03: Swoon-worthy.
22:52
SPEAKER_03: And were you, you were very much uh part of that world too, right?
22:56
SPEAKER_03: You saw him play the music.
22:58
SPEAKER_03: You heard the music.
23:00
SPEAKER_03: You saw the swooning.
23:02
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: My yeah, so my we never talked, nobody knew about neurodivergency or autism or any of that growing up.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: Like that was never a thing.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: But my grandpa was 100% autistic.
23:15
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: He was an amazing musician.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: You could give him any instrument and he would figure out how to play it.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: He spoke six different languages.
23:22
SPEAKER_03: He's gifted all around.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: Like we could go to Chinatown and he would be able to talk in Mandarin and Cantonese.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just standing there.
23:28
SPEAKER_03: What?
23:30
SPEAKER_03: Get out of here so it's a genius.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: And then he also was part of the founding group to start the friendship centers in Canada.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: Which ended up being a big, huge part of my journey.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: Like I've worked in four different friendships.
23:45
SPEAKER_00: Five?
23:46
SPEAKER_00: I want to say five now.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: Or is it might be four?
23:49
SPEAKER_00: I think we're still at four.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Four.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: So four different friendship centers.
23:53
SPEAKER_03: So out of kind of like regard for him kind of thing, or like you're following his legacy, or just honestly, I natural combination.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: After he passed away, I found a bunch of his stuff and found his resume.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: You're kidding me.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: And it's like so parallel.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, whoa.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, it's kind of like I kind of took over in some way.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: You sure did.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: And you took on his legacy, did you not?
24:21
SPEAKER_00: I know.
24:21
SPEAKER_03: And unintentionally, then unintentionally.
24:23
SPEAKER_03: He did not sit there and go, okay, this is what you're gonna carry on.
24:26
SPEAKER_03: No.
24:26
SPEAKER_03: No.
24:27
SPEAKER_03: He just played the role himself, lived that life, and it just naturally found its way to you.
24:31
SPEAKER_03: What?
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:32
SPEAKER_03: That's crazy.
24:33
SPEAKER_03: That's a little bit miraculous, right there.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: That's the universe, though.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: You know, like that's that, that, that trust and that faith.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: That is the thing that has gotten me through to any situation, you know?
24:47
SPEAKER_00: And I am so grateful for it.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: There's times and it's like, I don't even know what I have faith in or trusting in, but I do.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: And I know that this is just part of it.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: And now looking back, I understand that a lot of my struggles I had to go through, you know, in order to learn what I needed to learn in order to be the helper I'm supposed to be and understand people on a huge on a human level, you know, and from experience.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: Out of high school, I went right into audio engineering school.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: And thanks to a teacher who gave me an assignment, because I was like, I don't know.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: And and he's like, Well, what if you could do anything, what would you want to do?
25:26
SPEAKER_00: I was like, make music.
25:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, that was an easy answer.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: He he asked me, he's like, write a paper.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: He's like, I want you to go research it.
25:34
SPEAKER_03: Oh, wow.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, go to a recording studio.
25:36
SPEAKER_03: He encouraged you to immerse.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: So I I went into a recording studio, and I remember walking in and being like, Oh, this is really cool.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, You want to hear it when it's turned on?
25:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Yeah.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: And he turned it on, and all of the hair on the back of my neck and my arms just stood up.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, and my heart, I remember my heart dropping, and I was like, This is what I want to do.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: And it just like lit something that was never there before.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: And I said, I'm gonna go for it.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: And I took the student loan.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: Took 10 years to pay off, but I did it.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was worth it.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: And I did that, and I got a diploma in audio engineering production, and then I had a dream of being a famous rapper.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: And then the universe is like, actually, no, we want you to work with youth and help them be famous rappers.
26:21
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, okay, that's great.
26:22
SPEAKER_03: Okay, let's just do that.
26:24
SPEAKER_03: And I ended up you said yes to it, didn't you?
26:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did say yes to it.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: And it's calling and it ended up, you know, um, going from a small little studio.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna name drop people.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna try not to name drop folks, but like, no, I'm not.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: But uh, so there was there was someone who made a really amazing East Fan rapper who made a mixtape with a bunch of youth out of East Fan.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and they ended up raising$5,000 for a studio and they needed a help starting the studio.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: So I just happened to happen to swoop in somehow.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, and then that program, like that ended up becoming an actual program that was a$150,000 a year program where we we took the barriers away for indigenous youth to access music and media like this.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: So it's like teaching them how to do podcasts, teaching them how to record their music.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: That was one of the first times that I did the music, the songs and the music video um workshops.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, we taught about like marketing, grant writing, sustaining yourself as an artist and the hard parts, the admin stuff, the not so fun parts.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that just was that was like the tipping point of all of these amazing dreams and manifestations I put into the universe like 20 years ago.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: And the wild thing is like right now, in this moment, all of those things are happening.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Right now, right now, real time.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Like, and I'm so happy for you.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: You know, it it started off so humble, and now I'm like, okay, I'm gonna use all of these teachings and I'm gonna put it into this program and grow it to help other people and take away those barriers to create.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: Because whether we like to admit it or not, you know, like film and and music is a business and it costs a lot of money to do professional work, right?
28:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, for me, I didn't never, I didn't ever have the the financial resources to do that, which is why I'm self-taught.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, I taught myself videography during COVID, and I'm so happy I did.
28:30
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I am too, because it's benefited me too.
28:35
SPEAKER_03: You're learning the technical aspect of of the artistry too, on top of like expression.
28:41
SPEAKER_03: So the creative aspect and the technical aspect.
28:44
SPEAKER_03: That's what your toolbox was filled with.
28:46
SPEAKER_03: Incredible.
28:47
SPEAKER_03: So you could be the Nikki of all trades, which I love, and you served the community by passing it to them.
28:54
SPEAKER_03: Incredible.
28:54
SPEAKER_03: Now I do have to go back to something.
28:56
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
28:57
SPEAKER_03: This happened by your choices that you made.
29:02
SPEAKER_03: But there is one aspect that I do know happened in in our conversations, and I want to know if you'd be comfortable to share.
29:11
SPEAKER_03: Was there a point in your life, a significant moment that opened your eyes to these opportunities, to these choices, and give you a little hint?
29:24
SPEAKER_03: Did you discover something about yourself that allowed you to see that?
29:31
SPEAKER_03: Because you kind of got started with neurodivergence and ADHD, and that wasn't an easy thing to access.
29:38
SPEAKER_03: Did you eventually access that?
29:41
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I did.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: About six years ago now.
29:46
SPEAKER_03: What did you discover?
29:47
SPEAKER_00: I was diagnosed with ADHD.
29:51
SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna tell you something.
29:53
SPEAKER_03: People say that, we say that, but there's a story behind this.
29:58
SPEAKER_03: You got diagnosed.
30:00
SPEAKER_03: What happened after this diagnosis?
30:02
SPEAKER_00: My life completely changed.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: I really struggled with my mental health, depression, anxiety, social anxiety really bad.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: I went through a period where I I felt like I lost my voice and I was really struggling.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: And I just had my son, and you know, my body was recovering from having a baby, and there was just a lot going on, which I'm not gonna get too much into, but it was really complicated and it was one of the most difficult parts of my life.
30:31
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
30:31
SPEAKER_00: And really, as far as like my mental health and just where I was at, it wasn't a good place.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: And I was doing some research and I was like, I think I might be autistic or have ADHD.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna talk to my doctor.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: And luckily, I was able to find a doctor who's amazing.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Wonderful.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up talking to a psychologist.
30:54
SPEAKER_00: You a psychologist for and um they diagnosed me with ADHD, and everything clicked.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Like, I think for the first like almost year, there was a big grieving what my life would have looked like if I knew before.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: I think I internalized a lot of my the not-so-fun aspects of neurodivergence.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: I just wrote them off as character defects.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: This is the way I am, I guess.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: And it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I would always mess up.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: I'd always drop the ball, I'd always get so far, and then 10 steps back.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: And it was really hard.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: So hard.
31:27
SPEAKER_03: So hard as a young woman coming from your history and then just all the challenges society puts on us, us.
31:36
SPEAKER_03: But like being a woman, being indigenous, like dealing with so much on top of it, there's something chemically happening.
31:44
SPEAKER_03: And you found your answer, and it changed everything.
31:48
SPEAKER_03: Everything that's loaded.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: Around the same time, I had found stable housing for the first time in like five years, and I am so grateful being able to be accepted into social housing and have subsidized rent and having a roof overhead.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: I moved to Victoria pregnant with five bags.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: And everything that I have, I worked really hard for while I was here.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: And and it wasn't until after I was diagnosed, and then I started researching it and finding tools and finding ways and like accepting that that I'm like, okay, this is just the way that my brain works.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, so let's figure it out.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I know I hit a wall at a certain point in the self-destruct or whatever it is that happened in the loop.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, how do I break that?
32:33
SPEAKER_00: How do I break this loop?
32:34
SPEAKER_00: And partially medication for sure, but also the the therapy and the research and the the trying the tools and trying the things that were working and and seeing what was working and using those, it got me out of the loop.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: And I was able to actually step into who I am.
32:54
SPEAKER_00: Truly.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: And it was the first time ever in my life that I not only loved myself, but I'm I'm proud of myself, you know?
33:04
SPEAKER_00: And where I come from, it's hard.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: I hear it, I still hear those voices.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: I still hear my guidance counselor in grade 10 being like, you better do good at school, you're gonna end up like the rest of your people downtown.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, like my French teacher being racist to me in French and thinking that I don't understand because I was the only native kid in the class, and then kicking me out of the class because I understood what she said.
33:34
SPEAKER_00: My first counselor being like, you know what?
33:36
SPEAKER_00: You gotta get it out of your head that you can save the world because you're never gonna be able to save the world.
33:40
SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, And then cut to 10 years later.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying I'm personally going to save the world, but like take some steps and like tell you.
33:49
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, it was just it's just like all of these things, and then the self-talk, and yeah, it really was a process to like of unlearning, unlearning and releasing that and letting it go and being like, okay, that had nothing to do with me.
34:05
SPEAKER_00: And there was something really beautiful that happened in that, and I'm I really understand alchemy and the way that we transmute our energy, and something clicked.
34:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I understood it.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: I know how to use this now in a good way.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: And I was able to take all of that hurt and all of that, all you know, all of it and transform it into something that filled my soul, yeah, but also made an impact.
34:35
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, absolutely.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: And that's all I want.
34:39
SPEAKER_03: You advocated for yourself first.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:42
SPEAKER_03: Then you started advocating for the community around you.
34:46
SPEAKER_03: And of course for your family.
34:49
SPEAKER_03: But the fact that you started with yourself first, that's the ultimate act of self-love that you didn't even know you had.
34:55
SPEAKER_03: You didn't make room for it because the voices.
34:59
SPEAKER_03: Now you're advocating for the community.
35:02
SPEAKER_03: And uh you're not just surviving and healing, you are now leading.
35:06
SPEAKER_03: That is your that is your purpose.
35:09
SPEAKER_03: And you're finding your purpose, which is so rewarding and incredible.
35:13
SPEAKER_03: We're talking too about breaking the generational cycles.
35:16
SPEAKER_03: And I want to clarify generational cycles, intergenerational cycles, same, same, same.
35:22
SPEAKER_03: But the fact that you are not just breaking it for yourself, which you know, it's already a struggle to break it for ourselves, but we're breaking it for others simply by finding the right tools to support them, going against what counselors have taught you.
35:36
SPEAKER_03: You're doing the opposite.
35:38
SPEAKER_03: That's crazy to me.
35:39
SPEAKER_03: Like it's just unbelievable.
35:41
SPEAKER_03: Now, take me through how this artistry started.
35:45
SPEAKER_03: So you got into programs, you learned, you you taught, you said something about being an MC.
35:52
SPEAKER_03: Let's talk about that.
35:53
SPEAKER_03: MC Nikki, what's going on here?
35:56
SPEAKER_00: So at 10 years old, I started writing poetry.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
36:00
SPEAKER_00: And it's actually a funny story.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: I wrote a poem about a guy that I had a crush on who's actually no longer here with us.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: Oh, bless.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: And my best friend at the time, I'm like, dude, I'm like, I rap this and I do it for you.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, why rap?
36:15
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's so weird, man.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up rapping this poem, and she was like, that was so good.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: She's like, You gotta show him.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: And she she made me rap it in front of him.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: You did it?
36:26
SPEAKER_00: I did it.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's incredible.
36:28
SPEAKER_00: And uh, that was it.
36:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that was live.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: And then rapping in the park with your friends.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: And I love that.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so funny.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and slowly I learned, and the way that I learned was I would learn rap songs that were already created.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: I would learn the lyrics.
36:43
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you did that.
36:44
SPEAKER_03: You did like almost like cover tunes and rapping.
36:47
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: So I'd memorize the lyrics and then I would rap them back, see where they're breathing, see how they're doing it.
36:54
SPEAKER_03: You got all the nuances.
36:55
SPEAKER_03: Again, self-taught.
36:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:57
SPEAKER_03: Okay, that's well.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:58
SPEAKER_03: That's amazing.
36:59
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was just always part of my heart.
37:03
SPEAKER_00: It's the one time, not back then, but now, when I'm on stage and I'm I have a microphone, I'm like, it's the one place where I feel like I'm completely free and I am who I am, and I can say and I can do and I can be who I want in that moment and everything that I ever wanted to be, the most freeing experience.
37:22
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, and it gets so much dopamine from it too, which is great.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's where it started through high school.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: I was in band.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh, and and 10 also.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, I was the one kid in my school who got tuition paid for to go to a summer performing arts school called Atlantis in Vancouver.
37:44
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: It was a group of philanthropists that had this program and it was all performing arts.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: Oh everything from street theater to theater to mass to clowning, choir, and like oh, that filter cuff, didn't it?
38:00
SPEAKER_00: And I ended up going for three years.
38:02
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's awesome.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: And that's where the it bit me.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: Like that's where the bug bit me.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this, but to be fair, I was also four years old with a little wig running around the house performing.
38:14
SPEAKER_03: So you had the bite earlier, you just didn't realize it.
38:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
38:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:19
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love that.
38:20
SPEAKER_03: You you you were surrounded by you know the true art that you that you are.
38:26
SPEAKER_03: I mean, this is part of your idea.
38:27
SPEAKER_03: So what I'm getting is advocacy, artistry, and expression and teaching.
38:33
SPEAKER_03: This is what I love because it's a lot of times with struggle and history, pretending I actually know and I don't.
38:39
SPEAKER_03: And this is all the learning that I have to do.
38:42
SPEAKER_03: But coming from my kind of history of like, I've experienced racism and I've experienced being less than, I've experienced being the only person of color, and of course, being a woman.
38:51
SPEAKER_03: I want to go back to your role as a mama.
38:54
SPEAKER_03: How do you take your experience as an advocate, as a person who's seen it all?
39:00
SPEAKER_03: All of it.
39:01
SPEAKER_03: Really, there's like nothing left.
39:02
SPEAKER_03: Like you've experienced all of it.
39:04
SPEAKER_03: How do you take that and then help it shape who you are as a mom?
39:08
SPEAKER_03: I know you were saying that I mean you're playful and you you bring the artistry with your singing and stimming and all that stuff, but what other aspects of your life are you bringing into your home?
39:18
SPEAKER_00: Almost like a your toolkit is your I am very honest and real with my children about the way the world is.
39:25
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
39:26
SPEAKER_03: And we got that from grandma Peggy, didn't we?
39:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: And I'm so grateful.
39:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful.
39:32
SPEAKER_00: You know, the the I'm not an academic, I didn't go to university, but I have definitely a PhD in street knowledge.
39:40
SPEAKER_00: And thank goodness for my grandma.
39:42
SPEAKER_00: That's the good stuff.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: That's the stuff that kept me alive.
39:46
SPEAKER_00: Even in situations that weren't involved in like street culture or whatnot, even in real life, everyday situations, that knowledge has really helped me.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: And I bring that into my work, but yeah, uh also with my parenting, I'm very honest with them, you know, and sometimes it's not the best.
40:04
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's hard conversations.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to let them think that the world is one way when it really isn't, and not prepare them.
40:14
SPEAKER_00: The truth is, even going to Walmart.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: We go to Walmart as a family, we get followed around everywhere we go.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: We're followed by the secret shoppers.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: Having to sit down with your six-year-old and explain, it's like they think we're gonna steal.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: He's like, but we're not.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: You have money, we're not gonna steal.
40:29
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I they don't know that they're just looking at us and because that's the way that Canadian society is and the way it was created, you know, like it wasn't created for us.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: You know, it wasn't created for indigenous folks, it wasn't created for BIPOC folks, unfortunately.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that's something I teach them and also I teach the kids that I work with is to use your voice.
40:55
SPEAKER_00: Use stand up for yourself, say what you need, don't be afraid of that.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, don't let people silence you, you know, and if you need something, you ask for it.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to have boundaries, you're allowed to say no.
41:08
SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to look outside the box.
41:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I just am really real with them about colonialism and capitalism.
41:18
SPEAKER_03: 100%.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: I see it in them.
41:20
SPEAKER_00: I see the shift where they understand and it it's hard.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: I try not to talk too much with my six-year-old, but I am really real with him because he sees it.
41:26
SPEAKER_03: He sees it.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: And he doesn't really get it.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: It's just, you know, unfortunately.
41:30
SPEAKER_03: There's no logic to it.
41:31
SPEAKER_03: Come on.
41:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
41:32
SPEAKER_03: The six-year-old knows but but logic to this.
41:36
SPEAKER_00: The thing I can tell him is we can be different.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: Choices.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: Right?
41:40
SPEAKER_00: We we can walk differently in this world.
41:42
SPEAKER_00: We don't have to, we don't have to follow that or feel that that's true.
41:47
SPEAKER_03: And we can use our voice, use our voice.
41:49
SPEAKER_03: And that's uh, you know, earlier, and this is probably gonna be edited out, I have to say, because I had a little bit of a brain fart where I just didn't know where I was going.
41:57
SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm pretty much speechless.
41:58
SPEAKER_03: There's just so much here that I'm learning and unpacking with you.
42:02
SPEAKER_03: I know what I was gonna say is that, and it's actually quite fitting.
42:06
SPEAKER_03: I know as a person of color, I know with my history that using your voice didn't come easy.
42:14
SPEAKER_03: And so the fact that you're teaching your children and you're advocating for the youth in your community to use their voice through expression, whether it's creativity or even just like using your voice generally and making some noise, making some noise figuratively and literally to protect yourself, to keep yourself safe, to fight those secret shopping situations and being turned away with services.
42:42
SPEAKER_03: And these are things that the privilege will not understand.
42:46
SPEAKER_03: And many times I consider myself part of that privileged people because I don't get uh followed around.
42:55
SPEAKER_03: Well, maybe I do, and I just don't notice.
42:57
SPEAKER_03: And I think part of of this is is the education and you're giving this honest, raw truth to your kids.
43:05
SPEAKER_03: What a gift.
43:06
SPEAKER_03: And you're living it too, and the modeling is incredible.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: I also want to say something too using your voice in these situations, standing up for yourself, yes, but also using our voices for each other for each other and community and using our voices in a good way.
43:21
SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of times we we forget how powerful we are as humans and how we can create the things that we want and how our thoughts and our words create our reality.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: Very, very simply.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: And these are very basic principles and teachings I teach these children is like we need to be careful of our thoughts and what we say because that's how we we create the world that we live in and and energy like attracts like.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: We're all just energy.
43:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:52
SPEAKER_00: And to be able to speak goodness into the world even after going through a lot or experiencing a lot, that's where the power is.
44:00
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
44:01
SPEAKER_00: Like you didn't take it away from me.
44:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:04
SPEAKER_00: You won't ever take it away from me.
44:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: That's me.
44:07
SPEAKER_00: That's you.
44:08
SPEAKER_00: That's who you are.
44:09
SPEAKER_00: Right.
44:10
SPEAKER_03: And we could hang on to we could go with this ongoing cycle.
44:14
SPEAKER_03: The fact that you chose to break the cycle, not just with using your voice, not just with finding outlets and educating yourself and educating your family.
44:24
SPEAKER_03: But also the essence of forgiveness.
44:27
SPEAKER_03: Forgiveness in the sense of being able to know where the true fight is.
44:32
SPEAKER_03: The true fight is choosing the alternate route, learning from it, advocating for one another, protecting each other, you know, raising our family is in this kind space.
44:44
SPEAKER_03: That's the that's the generosity of your heart.
44:46
SPEAKER_03: It really is.
44:47
SPEAKER_03: And I like it's hard to do the everyday forgiveness.
44:51
SPEAKER_03: The fact that you're able to kind of see, and I I've heard this in other conversations with you when we have them, you say things like some people just don't know.
45:00
SPEAKER_03: They're ignorant and we can teach them, or we can model love and forgiveness, or model ending it now.
45:10
SPEAKER_03: Choosing your battles and also fighting the right battles, right?
45:13
SPEAKER_03: You know, and choosing when to walk away and choosing when to turn it around.
45:18
SPEAKER_03: It's incredible.
45:19
SPEAKER_03: Incredible.
45:20
SPEAKER_00: I do want to say something too on the privilege note.
45:22
SPEAKER_00: I consider myself very privileged, very privileged, and and I don't take that lightly.
45:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, I don't anything that I've gained through my experience and my work and my life is something that I want to share with folks, you know?
45:41
SPEAKER_00: It's very weird.
45:43
SPEAKER_00: It's very weird.
45:43
SPEAKER_00: Like to be in a privileged situation where I am right now.
45:46
SPEAKER_00: It's never I've never been in that situation.
45:48
SPEAKER_03: It's complicated, isn't it?
45:50
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it's a little weird.
45:52
SPEAKER_00: I need to learn to do this.
45:53
SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, how am I supposed to show my kids?
45:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, like we're allowed to be successful, we're allowed to be happy, we're allowed to achieve, we're allowed to do wild things, you know, like there's the only person stopping us is us.
46:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, people can say, they can try, they can do whatever they need to do, but you need to know inside that that's something that you're willing to walk that path for, right?
46:22
SPEAKER_00: Like in my teachings, an elder told me something that always stuck with me was meeting your prayers halfway.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: Right?
46:29
SPEAKER_00: You can pray, you can wish, you can hope, you can manifest all you want, but until you take those steps to meet that halfway, yes, it's not gonna happen.
46:39
SPEAKER_03: Makes so much sense.
46:40
SPEAKER_03: It's so true.
46:41
SPEAKER_00: So these these are the teachings that I teach to be a holistic person, right?
46:45
SPEAKER_00: To look at ourselves within the medicine wheel, like mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, to take care of ourselves in that way.
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Because if we don't take care of ourselves in a holistic way, we can't take care of anyone else.
46:56
SPEAKER_00: And we can't represent or show up in community in a good way, you know?
47:00
SPEAKER_00: And I understand that.
47:02
SPEAKER_00: And I took the time, I took the time away from community.
47:06
SPEAKER_00: I took that time to isolate, I took that time to do the deep, dark work with the therapist.
47:11
SPEAKER_00: I took that time to cry myself to sleep for months at a time to process the last 40 years, you know?
47:18
SPEAKER_00: And I'm so grateful I did that.
47:22
SPEAKER_00: And before I did that, I didn't think that I would make it to that point.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: Like I was really, I was tired and going through a lot.
47:30
SPEAKER_03: And so glad you fought for yourself, Nikki.
47:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's like that's the most beautiful thing, you know.
47:37
SPEAKER_00: And I think everybody should be in therapy.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: I think I think having emotional intelligence, understanding the way that we work individually and how we connect with other people is really important.
47:49
SPEAKER_00: And it helps take away a lot of the heartache and the confusion when we're in these situations.
47:55
SPEAKER_00: Being outside of yourself, like actually being able to not care what someone else is saying or thinking or doing, which is one of the most difficult lessons in this world.
48:09
SPEAKER_00: This is something that I teach my kids, but I'm like, I don't expect them to learn these things as children.
48:13
SPEAKER_03: These are evolving for sure.
48:15
SPEAKER_00: It's it's just I know that their brains are sponges planting these seeds and then demonstrating it, modeling it.
48:20
SPEAKER_00: You know?
48:20
SPEAKER_00: And like that's that's the best I can do.
48:22
SPEAKER_00: I told them this year we're gonna get a car.
48:26
SPEAKER_00: What did I do?
48:26
SPEAKER_00: I got my N at 40.
48:28
SPEAKER_00: Woo, baby.
48:30
SPEAKER_00: I just got a car two days ago.
48:31
SPEAKER_00: It's all mine, all paid off.
48:34
SPEAKER_00: Insured.
48:35
SPEAKER_03: I love it.
48:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, we did it.
48:37
SPEAKER_00: You did it, you know, and like that might just be like a material thing, but that's huge.
48:42
SPEAKER_00: Huge.
48:42
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
48:43
SPEAKER_00: I've had my I've had my L since I was 16.
48:46
SPEAKER_00: And then my grandpa passed away, and he wanted to, you know, so there was like there was a little heartache there.
48:51
SPEAKER_00: It's just so wild because when I was driving, last night I drove for the first time by myself.
48:56
SPEAKER_00: I went to go get some alkalized water.
48:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: And uh like, and uh I was driving and I almost felt like he was there, like he was like really proud of me.
49:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't doubt that.
49:05
SPEAKER_00: It's like you're doing it.
49:06
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I see them just that's yeah.
49:11
SPEAKER_03: You did them proud.
49:12
SPEAKER_03: You did both of them proud.
49:13
SPEAKER_03: You did your family proud.
49:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you know, I just I just see my kids and I'm like, I don't want you guys to ever feel that way.
49:22
SPEAKER_00: You know, I can't see what your future is like or how you're going to handle life, but are you equipping them?
49:28
SPEAKER_00: If I can help you through it or help to give you the tools, or you know, if if me doing it makes you feel like you can do it, then I'll do it.
49:39
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you know, ultimate sacrifice.
49:41
SPEAKER_00: That's the biggest thing is even with my my oldest, they're so young.
49:46
SPEAKER_00: Like I do a weekly rap cipher here at House Avowel.
49:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: Every Tuesday.
49:51
SPEAKER_00: Plug for hugs.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: I do it on Tuesdays um at lunchtime from 12 to 13 12:30 to 1:30 because my son's at school and I can't really go to the after ones.
50:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:00
SPEAKER_00: So this is more for like people who are free during the afternoons and parents.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: Write this down, yes.
50:07
SPEAKER_00: So I ended up bringing bringing her to the cipher, and I just I witnessed her freestyle for the first time in front of all of these people.
50:14
SPEAKER_00: And it was the first time I ever cried in a cypher.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: For sure.
50:17
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
50:17
SPEAKER_00: She was raised with me.
50:19
SPEAKER_00: She was a little baby in like breakdance circles.
50:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh like she grew up in cipher circles, she grew up at shows, she grew up around rapping, she grew up around like concerts, crazy shows and mosh pits and backstage and in the conferences, traveling, you know, like she's Mother Day Nikki to grandpa and your grandpa, like you're rolling stone, like you're doing the things you're exposing her to all this music and art, and she is now fully embracing it.
50:43
SPEAKER_03: Are you ever just passing on that legacy?
50:45
SPEAKER_03: That's crazy to me.
50:46
SPEAKER_03: I just without knowing that you do this, it just organically.
50:51
SPEAKER_03: It's the most powerful thing you can do is use your voice.
50:53
unknown: Yeah.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: To express yourself and be creative and just exist in this world and create something.
51:00
SPEAKER_00: And the beautiful thing about music is it lasts forever.
51:03
SPEAKER_03: Timeless, yeah.
51:04
SPEAKER_00: And it's wild because like I took a pretty long hiatus from rap just because I went through quite a bit in my life.
51:10
SPEAKER_00: And there was times when I wasn't sure if I'd make it out the other side.
51:15
SPEAKER_00: But it's wild because even I I've been through some real struggles.
51:19
SPEAKER_00: Like I've been homeless, and it's wild because even when it's like I pushed it away, that was the one thing that fed me.
51:28
SPEAKER_00: It fed you, you know?
51:29
SPEAKER_00: Like I would go on Gramble with an amp and a mic and plug in my phone and rap for four hours and leave with a hundred bucks.
51:36
SPEAKER_00: And people bought me food and they gave me all this stuff, you know?
51:39
SPEAKER_03: And it's like you're nursed in so many ways, right?
51:42
SPEAKER_03: And it was all you get the the joy, the dopamine, everything.
51:46
SPEAKER_00: And it was always, even though I was living in a tent, taking a shower at the place, there was a purpose for it.
51:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna get there.
51:54
SPEAKER_00: And then I ended up getting my dream job and running this and while still living in a tent.
51:59
SPEAKER_00: So for the first month, I was like saving my money, saving, saving, saving so I could get a place.
52:05
SPEAKER_00: And it was hard because my daughter had to, I had to make a choice there.
52:09
SPEAKER_00: I can't be homeless with her, and we deserve so much better.
52:13
SPEAKER_00: So I sucked it up and I did it.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: And it was really hard, but it gave me an experience and a perspective that I will never forget.
52:21
SPEAKER_00: And that's why when I say I have privilege, and I know that some of people in my life or in community don't, I want to share that.
52:30
SPEAKER_00: When I do these shows, nine times out of ten, they're free.
52:33
SPEAKER_00: When I curate shows or put on shows for community, they're free.
52:36
SPEAKER_00: We're feeding people.
52:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm taking money out of my pocket.
52:39
SPEAKER_00: During Christmas time, we'll make a big meal and go downtown and give it out.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: It's just because I have the capacity to do that.
52:47
SPEAKER_00: I have an extra$300.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: I could buy my kids what?
52:51
SPEAKER_00: They don't, you know, what do they already have like this stuff, you know?
52:55
SPEAKER_00: Or I could go and get a massage, or I could go get my nails done.
52:58
SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, no, I'm gonna take this turkey that we're not gonna eat that was gifted to us.
53:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna make this for people who will appreciate it.
53:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
53:07
SPEAKER_00: You know, that that I'm just like your soul.
53:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then giving what you have.
53:13
SPEAKER_00: And it's not necessarily money, it's also knowledge, it's also experience, it's also, you know, it the love.
53:19
SPEAKER_03: Just the general theme of your life, the giving.
53:22
SPEAKER_03: In turn, you're receiving the joy from the giving, and you're a gift.
53:27
SPEAKER_03: You're a gift.
53:28
SPEAKER_03: You're you're raising your mama raising your kids, and you're raising community.
53:33
SPEAKER_03: It's crazy to me.
53:34
SPEAKER_03: One one woman, one woman show, just doing all the things.
53:38
SPEAKER_03: The fact that you're doing everything with such intention, there is purpose to every step you take, everything you do.
53:44
SPEAKER_03: It's the best gift you can give us.
53:46
SPEAKER_03: Give me, I'm I'm a different person after this conversation.
53:49
SPEAKER_03: I really am.
53:51
SPEAKER_03: Because there's so many things that we take for granted, and so it's not even just the hardship.
54:02
SPEAKER_02: You are living your purpose and so many moms and parents and people either privileged or not privileged.
54:12
SPEAKER_02: There's so many people that just they don't know how to do this, but you are sharing this gift in so many ways, and thank you for being here.
54:22
SPEAKER_03: I am humbled.
54:25
SPEAKER_03: I I need to just be in this sacred space with you because I am a changed person, girl.
54:30
SPEAKER_03: I get to express myself in this podcast.
54:33
SPEAKER_03: This is my joy.
54:34
SPEAKER_03: I get to hear stories and be inspired by just your children are lucky to have you.
54:39
SPEAKER_03: They're so blessed to have you.
54:40
SPEAKER_03: You're you made your grandparents proud.
54:42
SPEAKER_03: And you I am honored that you shared with me because I know this is not easy for you.
54:48
SPEAKER_00: No, I am very private.
54:50
SPEAKER_00: I I I don't even I got rid of my Facebook.
54:52
SPEAKER_00: My Instagram is public, but it's more like for music, yeah, work stuff.
54:57
SPEAKER_00: The one thing that struggles taught me is to be humble.
55:01
SPEAKER_00: Um, also my grandparents.
55:02
SPEAKER_00: My grandpa taught me a lot about humility.
55:05
SPEAKER_00: Not to the point where it's a detriment, but to the point where it's like, I understand what I'm capable of, but that doesn't need to be like blasted everywhere.
55:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna do my work.
55:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna do my work.
55:16
SPEAKER_00: But something that, you know, some of my more experienced performer friends or artists friends have taught me it's okay sometimes to like not be humble.
55:27
SPEAKER_00: It's okay, you know?
55:28
SPEAKER_00: It's okay sometimes to like celebrate, celebrate and be happy and share it and make the video.
55:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, make the video, you know, like it's it's it's it's difficult for me because I don't want to be like, oh, look at me, because it's not about that.
55:45
SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, you can't inspire someone if you don't do it.
55:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
55:49
SPEAKER_00: Like you can't, people won't see it if you don't put it out.
55:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
55:53
SPEAKER_00: And that's something that like my hiatus for music was oh, I'll tell you this really quick story, but how I got back into it.
56:00
SPEAKER_00: So I was working with the Cochsail Music Festival, and it was during COVID, which is when I learned how to teach, I taught myself videography.
56:09
SPEAKER_00: We ended up doing a whole online festival that year, which I I curated film.
56:15
SPEAKER_00: It's actually online.
56:16
SPEAKER_03: So we're gonna put this in the show notes.
56:18
SPEAKER_03: We need to know.
56:19
SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, so that was the beginning.
56:22
SPEAKER_00: Like it's really, it's not the best.
56:23
SPEAKER_00: I am still consider myself an amateur by all means to a lot of this.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing really like big fancy stuff, but well, for me watching you, you really are.
56:33
SPEAKER_03: Come on, you're creating like world impact here.
56:35
SPEAKER_03: Come on.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: Right after COVID, like right at the tail end of COVID.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, I ended up going to Vancouver and directing this big thing.
56:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get too much into it.
56:43
SPEAKER_00: Uh uh, but the next day I came back and then we did a show and we brought in Curtis Clear Sky and the constellations.
56:51
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
56:52
SPEAKER_00: Side note, Curtis was one of my first mentors when I first started working with youth when I got into like creating the studio.
57:00
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
57:00
SPEAKER_00: And like I've recorded with him a bunch, and like, like he knows that I rap.
57:06
SPEAKER_00: And it was wild because like I had friends there and friends that I've met when I moved here, and none of them knew.
57:13
SPEAKER_00: Nobody.
57:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
57:14
SPEAKER_00: Nobody in that whole building knew that I rapped except for him.
57:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
57:18
SPEAKER_00: And what did he do?
57:19
SPEAKER_00: He called me on stage to rap with his band.
57:22
SPEAKER_00: Blessed! And uh I'm so glad he did it.
57:24
SPEAKER_00: I was I was so happy.
57:25
SPEAKER_00: This is so cool.
57:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want to rap.
57:28
SPEAKER_00: I rapped, and then I remember looking over to my friends, and they're all like, What on earth is happening?
57:33
SPEAKER_00: And then that was it.
57:34
SPEAKER_00: That like my my fire got lit again.
57:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I was like, I forgot how much I love this.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: I miss this.
57:41
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, and then so somebody saw me in the crowd, and then they're like, Next month I'm putting on a sobriety show.
57:49
SPEAKER_00: Can you headline it?
57:50
SPEAKER_00: Headline it.
57:51
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, said yes.
57:52
SPEAKER_03: You had to just say yes to Curtis.
57:54
SPEAKER_03: Then this happens.
57:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
57:56
SPEAKER_00: And the same night, and then I reluctantly said yes.
58:00
SPEAKER_00: Well, I was scared because I didn't know what I was gonna do.
58:04
SPEAKER_00: And I said yes, and we ended up selling out that show.
58:07
SPEAKER_00: It was just the coolest thing.
58:09
SPEAKER_00: And I did a little bit of stand-up and I like, yeah, it was like it was, yeah, it was a whole thing.
58:15
SPEAKER_00: And then the burlesque community here, it's just like I'm not a burlesque dancer.
58:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm but the burlesque community brought me in and they started letting me come in and be a musical guest and host, and they just wrap their arms around me.
58:31
SPEAKER_00: That's why I support the burlesque community here so much.
58:34
SPEAKER_00: I'll do free stuff.
58:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I, you know, like I'm crossover of the artists.
58:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm just so grateful.
58:39
SPEAKER_00: And what they do is so powerful and empowering.
58:42
SPEAKER_03: And as do you, you do uh all the empowering stuff.
58:45
SPEAKER_03: What a match.
58:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
58:46
SPEAKER_03: I'm there for it.
58:47
SPEAKER_00: And then that was the the start of that.
58:49
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm working on a whole bunch of new music.
58:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness gracious.
58:55
SPEAKER_03: So I was going to ask you if you were to bottle up a moment in your life that really just illustrates your role in this world, not just as mom, but as woman.
59:06
SPEAKER_03: I feel like that kind of really you being on stage, that moment, that realization.
59:14
SPEAKER_03: That's the moment.
59:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
59:15
SPEAKER_03: That's the bottle up moment.
59:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
59:17
SPEAKER_00: And that was right after I was diagnosed with ADHD.
59:20
SPEAKER_00: Like that was all around the same time.
59:21
SPEAKER_00: Like everything just kind of clicked and you made that right decision.
59:26
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it was magical.
59:30
SPEAKER_03: It was the it was the you press the button and everything else just exploded in your life.
59:34
SPEAKER_03: And I am so happy for you.
59:36
SPEAKER_03: I I think this is a perfect way to just close and thank you.
59:40
SPEAKER_03: And and the fact that you can appreciate that your past is a huge part of your present, but you don't allow it and only it to define you.
59:50
SPEAKER_03: You've embraced everything.
59:53
SPEAKER_03: And now you're expressing and giving back the generosity from the gratitude.
59:58
SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's just exceptional.
59:59
SPEAKER_03: Like when we talk about breaking cycles, I think that that's all that's not even, I don't even feel like this is what we're talking about.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_03: It's beyond that.
1:00:07
SPEAKER_03: It's breaking cycles for everyone in the community.
1:00:12
SPEAKER_03: It's creating new cycles.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_03: That's crazy to me.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_03: I'm an off you.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_03: I'm an off you.
1:00:18
SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
1:00:19
SPEAKER_03: I just absolutely adore you for this.
1:00:21
SPEAKER_03: Wonderful Nikki.
1:00:22
SPEAKER_03: Where can we find you and your wonderful kids, the the youth group, everything.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_03: Just tell me everything.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_00: I can find you.
1:00:30
SPEAKER_00: You can find me on Instagram at Nikki E-N-I-K-K-Y-E underscore music.
1:00:35
SPEAKER_00: If you click on my link up there, there's a link tree which will bring you to some music and will bring you to a link to the hip hop kids project that I'm I this is like one of my most favorite projects I've ever worked on.
1:00:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm a faculty at the Victoria Conservatory Music.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm one of the first hip hop teachers ever.
1:00:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I go into grade four and five classes in the school district here in Victoria and offer free hip hop class.
1:01:05
SPEAKER_00: Oh, come on.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_00: So we start off with hip-hop history, we go into beat making, we make a beat together.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_03: Incredible.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_00: Then we write, and then we record a song.
1:01:14
SPEAKER_03: Oh, come on.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_00: And then we take that song and make a music video.
1:01:17
SPEAKER_00: And I'm with them for the whole year, an hour a week, four different classes, and hopefully out in community more.
1:01:23
SPEAKER_00: We also work with the Friendship Center.
1:01:25
SPEAKER_00: So there's five music videos on there that have been done in this past year.
1:01:28
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
1:01:28
SPEAKER_00: And I just want to push them out there, go watch them and watch these amazing kids.
1:01:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, and the work we're doing.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_00: And I just want to shout out all of the kids from Quadra and Craig Flower.
1:01:39
SPEAKER_00: It's really beautiful because Quadra is 80% indigenous.
1:01:43
SPEAKER_00: Quadra School has a really high uh population of immigrant kids.
1:01:48
SPEAKER_00: And I can see where it's hard for them to speak, and every one of those kids went on the microphone.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_00: And they said something and they rapped and they wrote a verse.
1:01:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh, come on.
1:02:00
SPEAKER_03: This is incredible.
1:02:01
SPEAKER_00: And really came out of their shells.
1:02:03
SPEAKER_00: So, like, give it a like and support them.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that's pretty much you could see the work that I'm I'm doing right now.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_00: And I'm also working with the conservatory to develop indigenous education and programming.
1:02:15
SPEAKER_03: Oh my goodness.
1:02:16
SPEAKER_00: Which is also a first.
1:02:17
SPEAKER_03: I am so excited that we now have access to you.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_03: We know exactly where to find you, we know where to find these kids and support, support, support.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_03: Let's do this.
1:02:26
SPEAKER_03: Let's do this.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_03: Let's let's break cycles together.
1:02:28
SPEAKER_03: You know, to every parent that's rewriting the script the way our wonderful Nikki has, it's not an easy road.
1:02:37
SPEAKER_03: But we see you, we see your work, we see your efforts, and it's worth it.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_03: Because, like, here's the result.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_03: Here's the result.
1:02:43
SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's all I have to say.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_03: We see you, you're not alone.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for joining us here.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, Nikki, for joining me here on Sass and Small Talk, the mental load of parenthood, because it takes a village to raise a child and a community to raise their parent.
1:03:00
SPEAKER_03: We'll see you in the next episode of Sass and Small Talk.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_03: Bye.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_03: I feel like I need to like take a nap.
1:03:12
SPEAKER_03: I like for like forty-eight hours.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_03: Honored.