Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban:Soft Speech and Character Development 10.19.25

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Iggeret Ramban:Soft Speech and Character Development 10.19.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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We'll learn hopefully the next few weeks, the most incredible
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letter probably maybe ever written when it comes to
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thoughts and content inspection and development.
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And that letter is the Geth and I'm Bond.
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You don't know about the Geth and I'm Bond.
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I'm sure you learned in school some point or other inventions.
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Do I see Geth and I'm Bond who was a Rishon who wrote many,
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many regime. Every line that he writes,
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literally every line that he writes, whether it be on the
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Torah, on homage, meaning on the Gemara, on different areas,
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every line that he writes can be analyzed and and delved into in
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every area of death. So now here he writes a book or
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a letter to his son and Amban's plan and hope his whole life was
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to be able to travel with the ages.
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So that was his hope and he traveled to the army man years
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ago. Where were they?
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He lived in probably Spain or somewhere.
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And he's traveled 'cause he's real.
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And he gets there and he realizes the place is in ruin
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somewhat. Anyhow, he just was whole life
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plan was to get there. When he got there, he sent a
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letter to his son. He get it letter to his son.
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That's why he opens up with the word Benny, Ishma, Benny.
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What is in this letter? What's so powerful about this
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letter? What's incredible as Don Bond
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gives you a blessing that if you read this letter every day, you
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will be blessed in many ways as he writes any day that you read
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it. He writes at the end of it and
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he's a reshawn. He's an unbelievably high level
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person. He writes that a person reads
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this letter whenever they do so I shall not be with them.
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So what's inside? Is it so deep?
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It's actually seemingly on the surface, very simple.
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Let's open up. Schmabeni mussara vika quotes
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Pasuk Schmabeni mussara vika. My son, listen to the rebuke or
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to the mussar of your father, Valti tosh torat emerka, and
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don't deviate from the Torah of your mother.
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Right there, opening line. It's about super.
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It's interesting right there. It's without counseling my
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mother. So we know counseling my father
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technically, right, but there's an angle, a real angle that we
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know that the mother plays a major role in the realtor that
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comes out of us. She may not teach us what she
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plays a role. And that role is creating the
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environment, creating the culture, creating the feeling,
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creating the love, all that. As we know, the Mitras says Cabe
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de vie cabe de Mecca and then it says the opposite Ishimova
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Vitirao. When something comes to Cavo
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that tells us to respect your father, it comes to fear
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towards. It tells to fear your mother
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first. Why does it do so?
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Because you naturally have the opposite mindset.
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You naturally are inclined not to fear your mother because your
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mother is the one of love. That's what you have to figure
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out, a way to fear your mother. The mother is the one who
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creates the love, the happiness. You're inclined more to serve
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your mother than your father, and you require clients to fear
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your father more than your mother and towards telling you
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over there the opposite. But the ideal of all is that a
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person needs to feel this sense and absorb from their mother.
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Their mother's Torah may not be her halahut and might not be her
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Gemara, but in essence, we carry our mother's Torah when it comes
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to her way of thinking, when it comes to her love of Torah
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mitzvot, it's very often from the mother.
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That's the opening. Now the first line is what we'll
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analyze today. This week he says the words to
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his son that first basuk was a line where the first actual line
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in the letter was a pasuk. The second one is like this.
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Did Nahek tell me that the bed called the vareja but not make
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sure? He says to say all your words
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Menaha, what is even Naha talk? So spoke the whole the whole
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Adam overhaul it make sure to adopt a soft spoken approach to
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everyone you speak to. Why you're talking about how I
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speak. Your goal is to develop my
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character. How does the choice that I use
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for the tone of my speech play a role on my character?
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Homeless The rabbi is telling you is it actually works.
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Character works. We know it works from inside
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out. All right.
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Inside out means if I am a calm person, if I am a kind person,
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if I am a person who overlooks everything, I never get
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insulted, never get hurt and never get angry.
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I'm great. But he's telling you over here
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that you couldn't develop that from the outside in.
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Isn't, I think, an incredible point.
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You. Mean the way you act is the way.
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You. I mean the way you act is the
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way you become. Exactly.
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It's not just the way you become is how you going to act.
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It's in reality the opposite, the way you act and reflect and
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can develop what you're going to become.
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So I now lock myself into a mode which is I need to talk to
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people softly. No matter what I say, I'm going
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to say it softly. If I develop that mindset, if I
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adopt his letter as if the father's telling his son, if I
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adopt the idea that I'm going to talk softly, I will naturally
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become a softer person. That's his tongue, not simply if
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I'm a soft, I've had a soft voice that doesn't count soft
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spoken guy. It means if I control myself to
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speak soft, if I put myself in the mindset and no matter what I
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say, I said come out and assault way naturally, it will have the
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the ability to change me. And sorry, let's be starting a.
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Sin so that you don't have to be a soft spoken person.
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You don't need to start over as a soft spoken person, No, But
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for this you need to try to speak softly and that'll
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actually force your mind to think softly.
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That's right, Right. And you speak softly.
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You have a whole different approach for people.
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And when you do so, first of all, you're not really good.
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The way it works is that I was thinking about this when I have
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a pair of speech. When I have a pair of speech,
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some of the words are coming out.
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So now let's say I'm hoarse, hoarse voice, have a hard time
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preparing a speech. How does that make sense?
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I'm preparing the words of my mind.
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The answer is I'm trying to hear it and I can't hear it.
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I'm not speaking it out, but my mind is a realized funny thing.
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My mind is trying to hear, but if I can't really say the words,
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my mind is not going to articulate the words.
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It's a deep concept, it's reality.
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You're inside your heart and your mind reflect how you're
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going to act is how it is. If you have the ability to
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punch, you get more riled up before you punch.
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But if you're told no punching over here, you're going to be
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automatically a little common. The same thing is true if you
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have the ability to yell. If you're in a situation you
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have the ability to yell, you're going to yell.
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If you're dealing with your children who are underuse, you
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have it technically speedy, the capability to yell.
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You're naturally going to boil up further inside.
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And therefore, yeah, well, let's say you're dealing with your
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boss. You can't yell at him.
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You'll yell on your fire. It's not an option, although you
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might be frustrated, you won't get as angry because your
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ability to express yourself in an angry way will naturally make
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you an angrier person. He's telling you Israel is
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telling. It's an incredible concept.
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He's not using really any Torah pursukin for this.
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He's telling you the nature of man.
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I'm sure it's based on much Tarah is all existed, just this
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Rabbi Karamban, but he's yielding you a very natural
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concept. How you express yourself well
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actually reflect what you are inside and if he's don't express
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himself in a strong way, he'll naturally become a selfless
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person. That's his opening pursue to
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Tammy that the very called the Veneca but not tell yourself
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used to saying everything you want to talk about.
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So to everybody at all times which we just mentioned that
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there are people you're allowed to yell at right parents yell at
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their children. They have to, they're allowed
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to, but try to pick and choose those times because if you get
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used to it, you can end up yelling in other areas as well.
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And if those are warranted, the first ones, other ones are not.
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So the more you make yourself wired to a certain way of
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acting, and if you make it across the board, then you're
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inside. Your tone inside will reflect
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your tone outside and you become a finer, softer, nicer person.
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All areas. But hold it.
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Hold it dumb. Every person, all turners obaze
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and through this kind of backward approach cannot sell
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them in our cus. You will be saved from anger.
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And like I say, this is a reshawn talking.
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This is a rabbi. You can analyze every word he
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uses the word saved. What does it mean saved from
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anger, say anger. Anger is very dangerous and it's
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dangerous. It is not a you.
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When a person gets angry, what happens?
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They come outside of their senses.
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It's not you anymore, all right, Cos is a different existence.
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Basically, I go into a step into a different role and wear a
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different suit. You know?
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You know the superheroes, Spider man has a suit and then spider
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man gets into the other one, right and red suit.
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Whoever is looks so black, which was the second color block.
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He gets so angry. It's the same guy the the alter
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ego, right? So technically speak, when a
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person gets angry, that's what happens to us.
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My person gets angry, we become a different human being.
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You watch people whom you like very much move an animal
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reactly. You actually you like very much
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and you watch them lose themselves and you say
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something. I was saying that guy is the
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nicest guy. He's the finest guy.
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He's very generous, he's very kind.
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He worries about people. He's such a such a soft person
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and then boom, he gets triggered and he goes off.
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What happened the? Satan enters his.
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Body, the whole different existence is anything.
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It wasn't myself. I was not myself.
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Exactly. That's who you.
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Are was that the same thing when they say Becky so because.
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Exactly that's the game I was going to court.
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What is the person judge because so many drinks Becky so because
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to his pocket or because so and his angry why Let's talk about
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the first and the third. Why is he judge when he gets
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when you get drunk and when he gets angry?
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The reason he judged by those because when you're drunk,
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you're in less control of yourself.
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You're a different person, right?
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And now you really judge because do you have such a strong
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wiring? Have you molded yourself to that
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degree? And even when you're out of
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yourself, you're still in control.
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That's a drunk person. And the same is true.
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What's this? It's only the first super
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talking and the scene is true. When a person gets angry, you
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want to get to a degree that even your angry side is not
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really anchored. All right.
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And now this, this line, he found you.
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You can avoid ever reaching that point.
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What about the fact that Hashem gets angry?
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You want to know Hashem gets angry.
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Is that a comparison? What about the fact that Hashem,
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Hashem has a right to get angry? It's a fair question we have to
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think about. I don't know how to explain
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getting angry angry. Well, they use right.
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She uses the word that this. It's a good question.
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She used the word like smoke comes out of his nostrils.
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I'm trying to think all right, that's right.
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She used our term. It's like we're going to be a
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host understanding. It's a fair question.
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I want to think about it. I don't want to give a.
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Quick like 2 seconds once a day patrol like.
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All right, the dress, are you? Meditated, right?
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Toyota tells us when Belam wanted a curse on his cell, he
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uses the words What was the word again?
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Kalam. Right?
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3 letters because he wants to get us in one second a split
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second that Hashem gets angry every day and he wants to attack
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us during that split second. But it didn't work out.
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The words were into we turned around to and Hashem didn't get
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angry that day at all. But the David's question all
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over all, all the idea where Hashem because because is a
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concept and that might be the answer to your question as well.
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If house is the concept that there is an area, there is one
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area, you have a right. This is again, something you
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don't want to get too used to, but there's one area of a right
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to get angry, and that is as a defender of Kabocha mine.
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Again, this is an arbitrary concept that people's often
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times very often take to their own discretion and create
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problems. You know, all those problems
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come from people deciding what is Kabocha mine.
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But the reality is that is the one area and a fine soft person
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will get angry and it's supposed to get angry.
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We have for Sir Keens to back that up.
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That's Kabochamayan. Maybe that answers your question
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as well. Kabochamayan, different story.
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You're not really getting angry about yourself.
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You're getting angry about somebody else.
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Now find me the person who only got angry with the Kabochamaya.
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Beautiful guy, all right? Never, ever got angry at his
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wife, Never got angry at his kids.
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Never. Like, who was saying that when a
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person does something crazy, he gleams it on insanity.
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That's something you know the devil made me.
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Do it exactly I remember those yes yes, sure, sure sure yeah,
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but that's you yesterday right blame That's exactly that really
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is a reality, not that example because people, but that is a
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reality that costs is an outer body experience.
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You look at yourself and you're angry.
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I do it myself all the time. Whenever I get angry, I look at
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myself and say was I did I just like that doesn't fit.
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I think I want to ask guy all of a sudden you're a different
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person. Obazeti not sell menacas.
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You want to be saved from the attack that comes from this
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other person, which is also, for me, of anger.
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How do you save yourself? By getting used to talking
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softly, that's all. That's amazing.
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Just simply talking. Roasted at home, right?
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And my wife, the wise guy she took the clip from, the video
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camera has audio. Talks.
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She said where is she sent it to me that maybe can watch this.
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That's like, wow, that is exactly the concept.
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Rabbi, I didn't even know. I don't remember saying that.
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I don't remember doing that. It's crazy, the same thing as a
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guy after a party. So and actually, you know the
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person antibody. Yeah, but I just I've had this
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six years ago with Putin. Someone tell you, you know how
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funny you were on Putin. Like I have no ideas, right.
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That's the exact same thing to this point.
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Same thing over there. Did not sell an Akas shimi Dada
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lahti Benadan 'cause is a terrible trait that can hurt a
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person and also make a person's sin.
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That's another point. Cause being as outer body, you
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lose your control, you lose your ability to, to, to hold yourself
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back. And a person can be sin.
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They can say their own language, they can say terrible things,
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they definitely can say terrible.
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They can hurt people in a terrible way.
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All these things that come from cause and they're all outer
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body, correct? So therefore, with this mindset
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of mind, we want to be deceived from that terrible existence
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called anger. And the only, well, not the only
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way, but a great way to train yourself to avoid cause, a great
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way is to start getting used to speaking softy.
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This is his idea, and it's such an interesting idea.
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Sometimes is better even not to speak.
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Sure. Aren't you percent?
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There you go. Correct.
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Definitely. Barons what?
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What targets are? You saying absolutely self in
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trouble words are your bait. Lillison yesterday it.
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Was for my spirits, the buckets. Yesterday, it's what I told us
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that Hashem blew into man's nostrils.
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Nishmat Hai, always, Nishmat hai, says to Targum Ruachmal.
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The ability to speak. Man's thing that makes the man's
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gift that's above the animal is the ability to speak.
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So people ask even yesterday, what do you mean to speak?
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I thought the ability to think the answer is a really speech is
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your expression of your thoughts.
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It's your outer expression of your thoughts.
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Writing also is and things like that, but it's the same thing if
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bringing out to the world expression of your thoughts.
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So really what makes man unique? Our speech.
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So if he's allows his speech to be uncontrollable, if he allows
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himself to get to yell and to say things that are nasty, so
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his manliness, his gift above animal doesn't exist because he
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just took away the gift that God gave.
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God made you special by giving you the power to speak and in
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your speech he decided to yell. So again, I know difference
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between this man and animal. I don't see any difference.
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He's yelling. I always say is when I walk by
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non Jews or whatever going on the street and they're yelling
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in there. They found whatever the language
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is always they say to my kids, that's a great number one.
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Number two, I tell them they'll lose you one.
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I tell them it's an animal. You're looking animal.
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They don't. The more you see this person as
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a human being, the more you have a challenge because you think
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that that's normal. That's an option.
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It's not an option because they are acting.
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They're not animal in general, Maybe Salem and Hakeem in
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general, but right now they're expressing themselves an
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animalistic. That's it.
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They're expressing themselves an animalistic way.
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And you have to realize when you walk by a person who's yelling
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profanity or by a person who is screaming in some crazy way,
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they are right now during this moment not being human.
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That Hashem said the gift of a person over an animal is a
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co-author speaks. And if they're not speaking or
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their speech is worthless, they're not really human.
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And that's how far this goes. And it goes to the positive as
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well. When you speak sofa, when you
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speak kind, when you think before you speak and you make
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sure your speech is always lying at lifting people up, not
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putting people down. You are developing yourself to
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become more of a person, less anger more more of a kind
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person, more of a caring person. Your speech dictates your mind.
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I know that's how. You could you could tell what a
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person is and when they get angry, how do you are that's.
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The game all right, that's the exact thing.
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All right, he ends by saying we'll start with this, but then
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I'm ruler. But, you know, call Hako S when
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someone gets angry. Call me Negae.
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No, Michel Timbo. He is open to all sorts of
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Ghana. What does that mean?
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The guy's going straight to Ghana.
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Doesn't mean that. It means he has no barrier
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between him and everything. Everything warm is available to
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this person. He gets angry and everything is
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good for this person when he controls his anger.
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And the best way to do so is to follow his speech.
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See his speech, This rabbi that I'm bound, one of the greatest
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rabbis ever lived, one of the biggest reshoning that we had.
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Was he a doctor? Rambam.
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Rambam was a doctor. Rambam was a doctor.
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Haram bam Haram Ban was on a great reshoning.
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And he writes that the greatest thing for character to start
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with is speaking softly. Big deal.
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No has an impact. According to him.
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It's a difference for a person from becoming a terrible person
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because he has anger options. To becoming a beautiful person
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because anger gets out of the system.
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So we have to get used to this. It speaks softly in every area
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The and then ultimately our mind and our heart become a soft
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existence like you mentioned yesterday.
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Blame blame. We all blame people for things
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We all have the ability to blame you can do so doesn't get you
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anywhere. You can blame people left and
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right doesn't help you. No one draw because exactly I
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can't put you in a position to grow.
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Every position that we're in that there are other people to
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blame for, we're in that position.
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Someone took my spot last week for a few days and I I know, I
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know the the kind of car. I know I can figure out who it
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is. I know 2 seconds.
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I can figure out who it is. All right, I think to myself,
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what am I going to do? Get angry real at the person?
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What am I going to do? Try to show them because who's
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rabbi and who's boss? What's going to what's going to
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be the outcome? That's good.
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All right. He doesn't do it again.
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He'll do it again anywhere. All right, so we always try to
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find reasons and excuses to get angry and to blame other people.
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It doesn't get you anywhere in life.
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Instead, stop. You own the situation, you
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remain calm and you develop yourself into becoming the most
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beautiful person the person can be.
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That's the idea and Bond. Was a doctor.
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And Bond was also a doctor.