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A narcissists very 1st relationship · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What's going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about a narcissist very first
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  relationship. What's it like?
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  Who is it with? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Yes, welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back, Welcome back a narcissist first relationship.
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  So just to let you know, this episode was inspired by a member
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  of my my support group, the mental builders to talk about.
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  He he, he mentioned he's like, man, what do you think the the
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  first relationship of a narcissist is like?
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  I was like, Hey, let me go and I can talk about that.
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  I haven't talked about that before.
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  I always talk about how to spot a narcissist on the first date,
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  but not how a narcissist's first relationship could go right.
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  So make sure you check out joining my support group.
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  Like I said, I take ideas from the group, make videos out of
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  them as well. courses.mentalillness.net.
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  You can scroll and scroll across the bottom of the screen as
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  well, y'all. But yes, narcissistic people,
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  the narcissist, the toxic person, the narcissistic person,
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  right? That's how the mind goes.
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  The first relationship with the narcissist, y'all could go a few
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  different ways. I, I remember my very first
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  relationship, it's new. I mean, this is this could go
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  for anybody y'all, this could go for a lot of people because
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  everybody's first relationship is going to be different.
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  It's going to be new, right? This is it's your first
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  relationship, but a narcissist first relationship.
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  Y'all could be just something that they use to fit in.
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  Like I remember beating growing up right and wanting to be
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  normal, wanting to feel normal, wanting to just fit in.
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  And I didn't really start dating or getting into relationships
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  till like damn near my senior year of high school.
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  Y'all like being realistic. My senior year of high school
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  was like one of my very first my first actual relationship.
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  You know, man, I talked to talked to girls before, but
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  nothing like that to my senior year of high school when I first
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  started dating. And it was like, I don't even
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  really particularly like the person, right?
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  But it just made me fit in. It made me feel normal.
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  Just like people would be talking about relationships and
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  girls and stuff like that around me.
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  And I always felt out of place. I like, damn, I'm so out of
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  place. I'm like a sore thumb.
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  I'm playing, I'm doing everything else to fit in.
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  I'm smart, I got good grades, I'm funny, I got a lot of
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  friends and people who like me in school.
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  I'm playing sports. I'm pretty decent at sports.
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  But I just didn't when people talk about girls, I would have
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  to kind of either lie or log out.
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  So I remember getting to my first relationship, I wouldn't
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  necessity. I didn't say I didn't really
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  like the girl. I didn't like her at the time.
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  But you know, when you grow up and you look at your first
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  relationships, you like. I really like the person at the
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  time. I did.
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  This is no shot, no shot towards her.
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  Beautiful girl, nice girl. Hope she's doing well.
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  But yeah, it was really just to fit in.
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  I didn't know how to do anything.
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  I used to read Cosmo. Yeah, I used to read Cosmo
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  magazine because I felt like such an outlier, because I felt
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  like such an alien. Y'all see my, my, my, my
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  forthcoming book. Y'all wouldn't read about that
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  but I felt like an alien so I wanted to fit in.
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  So I remember dating this girl who used to date one of my
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  friends back in the day. They used to date back in the
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  day and I just knew what she liked and I was just like OK I
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  know what this girl likes because she used to date one of
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  my old friends. So I know how to get her.
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  I know how to talk to her because I can just say the same
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  things that he said. So I kind of actually became my
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  my old friend to get with this girl because this is all I do
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  right? I read Cosmo magazine and I
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  watch my friends and I end up being like this is years later
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  after they had dated. They had they dated for like a
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  couple of weeks. It was like a little little kid
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  relationship. But y'all see it like I remember
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  dating this person just trying to fit in, trying to make and I
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  had a girlfriend. People were like, oh, you got a
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  girlfriend now, You know, people were like, yeah, yeah.
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  So I could I could talk to people about this.
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  Now I didn't know how to be a boyfriend.
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  I just like kind of listen to what my people would tell me and
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  do what they would say, you know, do the things that I would
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  watch on TV or watch a movie, Disney movies, you know, maybe
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  watching my old friends, watching my peoples around me,
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  how they were dating, how they would be in relationships and
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  things like that. So I was really at the end of
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  the day and at the beginning of the day, kind of mimicking other
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  people, you know, and it's kind of, it sounds kind of weird
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  right now when I'm talking about it, but this is where really
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  what I was doing. I was mimicking other people,
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  like emulating them, being like them trying to find things and
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  find ways to fit in with people. So I didn't know how to treat
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  this girl like I didn't know how to talk to a girl.
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  I didn't know how to treat this girl.
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  So a lot of narcissists, when I get to their first relationship,
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  it's a learning experience. Is data collection, right?
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  It's data collection. I don't, I couldn't, I didn't
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  love Bomber. I was in 12th grade, Y'all
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  didn't love Bomber. I would talk to her, make her
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  laugh and stuff like that. It was my version of love
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  bombing. But I couldn't do anything else,
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  right. I didn't know what else I could
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  do other than the little stuff that I was doing.
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  But a lot of narcissists where they get that first part, they
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  might not feel the exact same way that I felt.
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  But some narcissists when they get their first partner, they do
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  absolutely love bombing them. They, they become obsessed with
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  this person. They become obsessed like this
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  is the first relationship. They, I think a lot of
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  narcissists think that they have these dreams of being with one
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  person. I don't think a lot of
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  narcissists grow up wanting to be cheaters.
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  You know what I mean? I don't think it's just like, I
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  can't wait to get in my first relationship and start cheating.
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  I really cannot wait to meet the level of my life when I'm young,
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  my high school sweetheart. I cannot wait to cheat on my
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  high school sweetheart. I don't think, Yeah, I don't
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  think people think that way. Being realistic, I never thought
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  that way. This comes later on in life, but
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  in the narcissist's first relationship, they might
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  actually start to think that this might be their last
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  relationship. You know, the guy in my I'm at
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  the Hilda's group, he was saying his narcissistic ex, he was in
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  his 40s and this was his first actual relationship.
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  So it doesn't have. You don't have to be young to be
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  in your first real relationship, but his partner was in a he was
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  in his time relationship with him and he was narcissistic in
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  his this is first real relationship in his 40s didn't
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  know how to act. Just kind of you kind of learn
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  as you go. It's kind of like you, you,
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  you're like, you lie, you lie on your resume to get the job.
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  So you kind of learning on the job.
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  You got to you lie to your resume to, to get this high,
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  high paying job, high pressure job.
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  And then you just learning as you go.
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  And that's what most narcissists do.
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  They're learning as they go. They think that their first
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  relationship might be their only in the last relationship.
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  So there might be love bombing you.
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  They might love bombing you in all the ways that they saw on
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  TV. They don't know what else to do.
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  They might just treat you like they said their parents being
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  their parents treated, treated you.
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  You see what I'm saying? They might be their very first
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  relationship. They might be abusive in their
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  very first relationship because guess what?
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  If they don't have any good role models, relationship role models
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  around them to show you how to treat people, you know, did they
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  mimic their parents relationship with you?
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  They guess on being abusive to you in high school.
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  I've talked to you. I've talked to people in my one
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  on ones over zoom mental illness.net.
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  You can find them. I've talked to people who've
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  been in in youthful relationships with narcissists,
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  right? And those relationships have
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  been toxic off the rip. They might start off good and
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  happy, but they start getting abusive even not maybe not
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  physically abusive, but they can be emotionally abusive in their
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  various first relationship, right?
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  Because they saw their parents on they saw their parents in an
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  emotionally abusive relationship or physically abusive
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  relationship and they start emulating that relationship.
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  So that narcissists first relationship can absolutely be
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  an abusive relationship. They can be an abuser in their
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  relationship. They can be a young, a young
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  abuser, a youthful abusive person.
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  They absolutely can. And they might not know that
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  it's emotional abusive, they have a young kids mind or
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  whatever, but they can still be lying.
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  They can still be manipulated. They can still start to try to
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  cheat and find new supply. When they're young in their
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  first relationship, they absolutely can.
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  Or they're old and they're they're older in their first
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  relationship, They absolutely can start to try to find new
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  supply while you are together with this person in their first
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  relationship. Narcissistic people like chronic
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  boredom, which a lot of narcissists suffer from, does
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  not just start in your adulthood.
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  It starts in your youth, right. So if I'm chronically bored,
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  even if I'm in this new relationship, in this first
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  relationship, I'm going to try to find ways to make myself
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  happy. And a lot of times how you find
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  yourself happy is you start finding new supply.
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  You start talking to other people, you start talking to
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  other boys and girls and people and whatnot.
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  You know, you start doing that type of stuff where you're
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  young. So yes, you're very a
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  narcissist, very first relationship.
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  They're learning, kind of learning on the job, but they're
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  actually, like I said, they could be also emulating what
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  they see at home, Their mom and dad yelling and discriminating
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  each other. They can be doing the same thing
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  to you, their mom and dad lying and manipulating each other.
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  Same thing to you, their mom and dad or mom and mom, dad and that
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  whoever, their parents, who's their parents?
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  Y'all? We try to be all inclusive over
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  here. Their parents could be extremely
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  highly manipulative people and they could just birth this
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  highly manipulative young or old narcissistic person.
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  You see, they're learning on the job and it's I'm not calling you
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  a boring person y'all. But if a narcissist first
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  relationship with you was with you, they they get bored and
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  they could start the cheat. They could start to lie to you.
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  They could start to see what they can get away with.
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  You know, like what can I get away with with this person?
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  How how far can I go? What can I do?
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  You know, they get bored and when they're the younger, yeah,
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  I was just telling you, you get a young narcissist, especially
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  if they're still in high school or just just in college.
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  In college, in their first relationship, they're surrounded
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  by other they're surrounded by potential new supplies.
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  It's very hard to find to keep them just with you.
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  And yes, in their very first relationship, the the the same
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  rules. Rules can still apply even
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  though they don't know what they're doing.
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  They know today, they know they want to control you.
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  They feel like you belong to them.
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  So in their very first relationship, they can
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  absolutely think that you belong to them.
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  They can start claiming ownership and doing these very
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  possessive, obsessive behaviors on you.
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  They can still start to try to isolate you from your friends
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  and family. Even when you're young, even
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  you're, like I said, your very first relationship.
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  If it's in high school, they can start isolating you from your
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  friend group. You know, you don't meet your
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  kid. You don't meet your friends at
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  your at your locker anymore because you're meeting them
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  somewhere else. They don't like your friends.
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  Your friends are are not cool or lame, but whatever.
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  Your friends are gossip girls or gossip boys, whatever it is, you
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  know what I mean. Your friends are hood and bugs
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  and whatever it is, they want you to stay away from them.
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  So the isolating behaviors can even begin in the very first
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  relationship. You know, young or old, they
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  want you to cut people off and choose them.
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  They can be highly abusive. Yeah, if you're dealing with a
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  sixteen, 1718 year old narcissist and they're abusive
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  and they're angry and they have narcissistic rage issues as a as
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  a youth and they're not getting any help, that only gets worse.
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  So yeah, they can absolutely have narcissistic rage episodes
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  in their very first relationship.
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  That could be how it goes right there.
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  They can absolutely have these rage episodes in this in this
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  relationship dynamic with you and start treating you a certain
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  type of way, start treating you horribly, start doing horrible
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  things to you. This is the mindset, this is the
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  mentality of a lot of narcissists, right?
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  And sometimes this is what you have to put up with.
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  This is what you have to deal with.
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  This is who you have to deal with.
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  So mentality wise N toxic person wise, like their very, very
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  first relationship can absolutely be abusive.
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  And then they when they go from their very first relationship,
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  they can start getting this mindset that now they don't want
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  to be by themselves. So yes, from their very first
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  relationship, they can start bouncing to their second
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  relationship and 3rd relationship and starts
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  chronically dating and cheating on people and keeping you
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  around, keeping the old supply around, telling people that
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  their exes are crazy. It starts out, it has to start
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  somewhere. So a narcissist's very first
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  relationship can absolutely be a toxic abusive relationship.
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  I know people are going to think like, damn, that's sad.
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  Yeah, it is sad, y'all. But if they don't have good
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  relationship role models, it even sometimes if they do have
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  good relationship role models, it doesn't mean that they're
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  going to be good people. And it sucks to say that about
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  kids and even adults like you're saying.
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  The guy in my group, he's he's older.
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  He's not older right? But thinking about the same age
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  as me, his narcissistic ex. This is his first relationship
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  in his 40s and it can be the exact same way.
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  Anyway, y'all thank y'all. Make sure you check out the
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  mental healers courses.mentalillness.net.
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  I will see y'all later like and subscribe.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
• 12:31
  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
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  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.