Latest / Your Thoughts Your Reality / Empowering Negotiation Skills: Neko Zairis's Journey from Law Enforcement to Mastering Conversations with Empathy and Humor

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Empowering Negotiation Skills: Neko Zairis's Journey from Law Enforcement to Mastering Conversations with Empathy and Humor · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Today we have back a good friend, nico Zaras.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: He's a seasoned law enforcement veteran with 30 years of experience in law enforcement, bringing a wealth of knowledge about managing high-stakes situations and resolving conflicts with integrity.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Advocate for transitioning veterans, he has a military family perspective.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Let me slow down.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: We're a couple minutes late so my brain is still on overload.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Hold on, neuroencoding works All right.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Having a daughter in National Guard.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Nico provides a unique lens on the challenges and transformations military families face.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: He's an expert in active threat preparedness.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Anybody that's seen him on here before he's absolutely fantastic and a proponent of negotiations with integrity, and today we're going to really dive in negotiations a lot, and whatever that means in your life.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: So, nico, for people that don't know you yet, why don't you just tell us a little bit more about yourself?
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: My name is Nico Zarris.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: I am the owner and CEO of Nico Zarris Security and Critical Behavior Consulting.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: I've got about 30 years law enforcement experience and I'm a dad of three.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: My oldest daughter is in the National Guard, stationed in Alaska and currently an active member in law enforcement now still, and I'm a lover of dad jokes.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: So that's pretty much me in a nutshell.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: And I'm just going to say right now well, obviously, as we always do, ask Nico at the end to share how to reach out to him.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: So he does dad jokes and I can never go past it, man.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I always have to stop and just take a listen.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: So you know, just to fill my cup and fill my soul a little bit, why don't we start there?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Give us a dad joke, nico.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Okay, I'll start with the one I was going to end the show with and then I'll just try to see if I can figure one at the end.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: So, for starters, how do the elves keep the north pole so clean?
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: They use santa tizer.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that's just one of the ones I use.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Um, like I said, I just if it makes my kids cringe, the job well done.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: I know, I remember we first talked about it.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: That's just one of the ones I use.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Like I said, if it makes my kids cringe, the job well done.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I know, I remember we first talked about it.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: That's exactly why you said it.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I got news for you One day, you're going to have 20,000 of those on there.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: You ain't lying.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Absolutely fantastic.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: So before we really dive in, guys, I want to just remind everybody to look up.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: In the top right corner there's a blue QR code.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Please scan that.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: It takes you to empower performance strategies dot com for people listening on the podcast forums later on.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: Again, that is our performance strategies dot com.
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: You know, we have an amazing mission.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: We're rolling and we have some free e-books for both veterans and their families, as well as Facebook groups for veterans and another one for their families.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Just support, it's a great groups.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: You know, don't go in solitude.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: Come join us, be part of the mission and let's blow this thing up.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: So, that said, nico, shall we get started?
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Absolutely All right.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Fantastic man.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: So with your experience in law enforcement, how has it shaped your understanding for negotiation, and especially in high pressure situations?
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: Well, I always use when I get into a situation like that, I try to understand and realize that in some cases, especially in negotiations, it's not about solving a problem, it's about actually listening, and I try to revert back to that whenever I'm in a situation like that and I allow that situation, by listening to that person's problems, negate the whether it's the questions I ask or what leads me to the next step to help them help themselves.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely love that.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: And it's not just in that situation, right.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: I mean we can, in my opinion should do this in everyday life with people.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: Well, if I may say that, if people ask me how many negotiations have you been through, I say I don't know.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: What time is it?
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: I mean because every situation, whether it's with your wife, your best friend, your kid, your friend or anybody else, whether it's with your wife, your best friend, your kid, your friend or anybody else, you have to take into consideration that you know that could very well be the worst day of their life.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: You don't know.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: So I believe every conversation is, in its own way, a negotiation.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Right, absolutely, and let's talk about that a little bit more.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: So I mean, whether it's a a someone's having a bad day or and let's get a little silly it's it's what's for dinner, right?
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: So, um, what are some of the the things you know I talk?
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: We talk about active listening, right, which I think is absolutely main main focal point for this, as you brought up what is active listening and and how do people know the difference between I'm just absorbing it in compared to active listening?
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Well, let me just start off by saying that ALS active listening skills is the paramount basic step of all negotiations.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: Everything stems from ALS.
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: Als is the bottom step in the step process needed to go to basically get change in the situation that you're involved in right now.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: So, basically, instead of always like when someone says something, you go with questions that are not yes or no answers, instead of asking you know, is the sky blue?
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: It'd be more like you know, what do you think about the sky?
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, try to get more of a response from the person you're talking to and try to stay away from questions that need a yes or no answer.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: And why do you say that Because?
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: The reasoning behind it.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Well, the reasoning is because you're there to listen.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, how many times can you listen to?
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: Well, is you know?
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: How old are you?
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: All right, 24.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Are you a male?
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: Yes, are you a female?
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Yes, that's it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: But why not ask how do you feel about the way you are, you know?
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: How do you feel about the weather?
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Why are we in this situation right now?
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: And in order for me to help you.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: I have nothing to listen to if all I'm hearing is yes and no.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and really I think it comes down to learning about that person's model of the world.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, so if you're going into a perspective and I train on this and teach this with my coaching as well if you are just going in with your model of the world, how often is it going to match exactly the other person?
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: So if you're just literally going in and saying, hey, you know, this is what I'm seeing, doesn't mean they're understanding at all what you're saying in that sense, because they're not seeing the same thing, because their model of the world is different, their perspectives are different or their blueprint for life, if you will, is different.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: So you know, I think that's you know in order to align with somebody let's talk about that for a little bit.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it's a major part of negotiating on all levels If you're just going by your model of the world, it's hard to really align with somebody, to really connect and have a good conversation.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Talk about that.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: Advantages from my perspective and being a negotiator on the SWAT team is that I'm going to have information about the people that everybody else isn't going to have when they're in a situation like I would be.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: So ultimately, by asking these open ended questions, what you're doing is you're learning more about them and then you're looking for that common denominator.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: One of the examples when we took the program in the beginning, the instructor got up in the front of the room.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: He goes I'm 50 years old, I'm in the military, I used to live in Florida, you know, I trained, I've got this many kids and what he did was is he opened up a dialogue so that each and every one of us can look at all right, well, maybe I've never been to Florida, but I'm a father, so I can relate with that.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: So the more open-ended questions you ask, the more you learn about them.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: And then you find that common denominator.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: Even if it's not you, it might be with somebody that you've interacted with and you can use that in your dialogue.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: And it can be a father, it could be scuba diving, golfing musician, I like to sing.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: Whatever you know, whatever it is, it doesn't have to be some mind-altering thing, it's just anything.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: When you go into, let's say, a grocery store, for instance, when you're going in there and you're standing in line and everybody's bored and all of a sudden somebody brings up something that they feel the same way about.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: You know it's that simple as far as aligning with somebody good or bad, but you know it's that simple to really align with somebody.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: We do it all day long.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: If you're in society, on the phone, whatever the case may be, it happens.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: It happens more often than not.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: So maybe just a thought should people be kind of learning those skills and working those skills when they're out in public, you know, not necessarily a SWAT negotiator like someone else, but in everyday life, for veterans and their families, I think maybe that's a good skill, to just kind of harness.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: And you know, get into Nico's bootcamp.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: We have all kinds of openings in my bootcamps, but ultimately the key is to be nice.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: I know, be kind.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: We discussed this in our last podcast together.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: We're going to discuss it today and, if you ever invite me again, be kind is going to be in the next one, because I would say absolutely everybody just please listen and be kind, because that conversation you're having with that person could be the difference between them doing something harmful.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Just be nice and be kind.
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: So I would be the biggest advocate of everybody taking this kind of training, but then again, you can expect people to do that.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: So, yes, I would love for everybody to just take a couple minutes when you're at the grocery store in line and somebody strikes up a conversation, instead of rolling your eyes and looking at your groceries strike up a conversation, just be kind.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Strike up a conversation, just be kind.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: It's like you said.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: You know it can be something super simple, but changes somebody's day.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: And here's the beautiful thing that ripple effect changes that family's day and maybe that family's friend's day, and because once you know someone's kind and it connects, the ripple effect keeps going once someone's kind and it connects.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: The ripple effect keeps going.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: I completely agree with you, and I always make a joke wherever I go.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I was brought up to be a gentleman.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I open the door and I always make a joke.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, when somebody says thank you, I say that's my one good deed for the day.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: It's kind of like I like to make people laugh and I use that as a basis.
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: If that strikes up a conversation, great.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: If not, you see somebody walking away with a smile.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: That's a win.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: And I want to just keep adding on to this about the being kind.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: You know I teach a practice, a hack, whatever it is, but it's a 50-foot rule and so when you're walking around, just putting intent on somebody else and saying in your mind because if you say it out loud they might be calling me, go to come negotiate and see what's going on with you but I teach, teach and I do it myself and this is why I teach it, because it's powerful If you can look at somebody, another human being, and just say in your mind I love you, and just put that intent and feel it and you keep doing that with people around you within 50 feet.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: Here's the experience I had with it and this is why I teach it.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: I literally have went into Walmarts, went into stores everywhere and just the positive, or that magnetism, if you will, and it's a science thing, it's not woo-woo, unicorns and rainbows, it's a real thing, that magnetism that people literally just start talking to you and they're happy and they're smiling.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: And I can't tell you.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: There was one day specifically it was at Walmart and I came home and told my wife I was like the weirdest thing happened to me.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: And this is when the realization of it happening in my aha moment, literally.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: I had some of the most amazing conversations with people and they left smiling.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: I saw them again, they were still smiling.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: So, if you can be kind, thank you, nico.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: It really just the ripple effect continues, it just continues.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: So try that process, you know, and I'd love to hear from people later on and how that worked for them.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I think, nico, that is one of the main things, because you're coming in there with that heart space, with negotiations.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Let's get back into that.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: It changes everything right.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Because let's get into the integrity part.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: When you come in there with that of really trying to serve help, not only does it make you feel good but generally will make the other person feel good yeah, positive positivity.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: You give off vibes and you have an aura of like approachability and and I think that's a gift and for some people it's actually their superpower yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I think maybe that'll be my superpower today.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: There it is I.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I absolutely love it.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: So would you say that, with negotiations again, and let's keep it fairly simple.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, I know SWAT has different kinds of negotiations than the rest of us do every day.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: To that perspective, if you will.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So what do you think some of the most important things to remember?
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Besides you know being kind to talk about that, but let's, let's.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Actually I'm going to just go straight into integrity, If that's okay with you, Beautiful, Because I think when you're a Tegress with within yourself, people feel it.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: So talk about negotiations with integrity.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: What, what's, what are some of the key points and what what's important in your just basic thoughts on that?
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: So basically, I just about two weeks ago retook a 40 hour FBI negotiator school just to basically hone in on my skills and and the bottom line, the number one- I'm sorry I got to interrupt.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: What's that FBI training?
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Just to hone?
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: in on my skills.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: The best of the best in the region were there.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I mean instructors from all departments, from the agencies.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: They put us through a four-day out pre-basic in order to be a negotiator.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: This is just one of the programs you take.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: For some of us it was just basically a repeat to hone in on our skills.
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: But bottom line no questions asked.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Whenever you're dealing with any kind of a negotiation, number one rule don't lie.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: It's basically that simple, whether you want to look at it from the integrity perspective, but the bottom line is this you cannot gain the trust of anybody you're talking to if you lie to them.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: If you don't know, you don't know.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: That's why I always say leave it up to the open-ended questions to learn more, because there is commonality there.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: You don't make up a story off of what they tell you.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: And when you're sitting there for six hours, eight hours, 12 hours, trying to talk to somebody from not hurting themselves or other people, you can't go back and be like oh, did I say that?
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: You can't do that.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: It's not fair to you, it's not fair to them.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: So the number one rule in integrity do not lie to the people you're speaking to.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I absolutely love that, Because how many times do we say it's a white lie?
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: But then something blows up Because number one, that number two, the snowball effect right, oh, I lied, not going to cover up that lie, not going to cover up that lie, and sooner or later you're going to be caught.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: You know, and not only does that feel horrible.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: If you're integrity, obviously you're like I shouldn't have done that, right, but it breaks down everything.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: It breaks down everything I mean for you and the other person that you know that negotiation or you know that relationship is with.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: So you know, talk to me about you know, hey, I want to tell the truth, I want to be in integrity and maybe some ways and skills to work kind of around that.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: So you're for yourself and the other person, but like, but you're not hurting them, you're not going to trigger them, for example, if you want to use that word.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll use that word because that is the word we use.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: So in my world it's hooks and triggers.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: There's things you should talk about and then there's things you shouldn't talk about.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: But the only way to find out is with open-ended questions.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: When someone's talking to you, they're upset, they need someone to hear them out.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: They're going to let you know with their tone, with their words, what bothers them and then what they really enjoy respect and love.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: And that is the job, our job to figure out what those are and stay tuned on the hooks for the sake of this conversation and stay away from those triggers.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: So that's how we do it.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, fantastic, would you say that?
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's probably one of the most important things to really really have intent and really pay attention to.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: Well, not only that, and again, once in my world it's not just me there's a team, you know.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: There's a person sitting right next to me saying, hey, dummy, don't say that.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: You know, and it's kind of like.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: And there's people on a board behind me saying all right, these are the things, these are the things we know, these are the things that we don't know yet of.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: These are the triggers, these are the hooks.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: So I mean, it's not a me, it's a we.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: There are a team of people that want to help that person out.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: That is our goal.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: That nobody gets hurt.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: That's our mission.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: When we go into any negotiation and, like you mentioned, you have to start with ALS.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: It's all about active listening and, if you think about it, it's like a set of steps.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Every time you progress, you're going up a step.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: If you lie or something happens, guess what?
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Now you have to go all the way back down to that first step.
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: So these are the things that we keep track of.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: So integrity, don't lie, good listening skills, open-ended questions these are all the things that we use, and I try to use in my every day-to-day questions whenever I talk to anybody.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: Right, right, I love that.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: You know it's, it's having that, that, that integrity.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: And you know the thing that you really hit with what or hit me, I should say not literally, but that really connected with me.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I even got, you know, goosebumps.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: It's just you're there to help.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: You're you're there to help because the main goal is no one gets hurt.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: You know, including your team, obviously, and that that you know.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: You watch, you watch movies and you watch this and you watch that, and there's all this, you know plotting and all these different things.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Right, you know, and it's, it's, it's not an integrity generally.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: You know there's oh, let me rephrase that there's always one guy on the team.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: Well, that's why it's a movie.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: That's why it's a movie.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: That's why you make popcorn and enjoy.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: My wife will literally like roll her eyes.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: She goes don't you dare I go.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: Nope, I'm gonna enjoy, just with you.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: So I keep my comments to myself and we just enjoy the show.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: We leave it at that.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I bet that I bet that was a skill you literally had to learn yeah, that was one of the toughest things.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Like well, we would.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: I'm like, nope, you're watching the show with your family, sit back and enjoy so that I can laugh at that, because I'm so guilty of that yeah, and I, my wife and I do it all the time.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: That's crap.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: There's no way they do that it's.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: That's why they call it entertainment I just want look, we're friends, okay.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: Um, I want you to watch john q and just report back to me and all the bowl all right, I'll take notes, all right in fact, when we see each other, let's just watch it together and you just kind of go through it.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: Absolutely A movie night.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: I'm always for a movie night.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Amen, amen.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: From your perspective, you know, or let's actually go like workshops that you do in your teachings with your company.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: You're going to teach preparation for active threat scenarios.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: So how does maintaining composure, which I'm going to go with as one of the most important things you can do, really help with clarity under pressure?
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: Well, again, when you're looking at anything under pressure, you have to look at your mindset and your body and where you're at physically and mentally.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: So I always revert back to taking care of yourself, because if you can't take care of you, you can't take care of anybody else.
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: So that's like the golden rule, so that that is my, my basis, my, my, my beginning of anything.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Whatever I'm teaching or when I go to a class, that's what I'm looking for.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: So that's that's how I judge, I mean you.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: You have to be mentally and physically at the top of your game to be able to handle anything, especially in an active threat situation.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so thank you first of all.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Let's dive into that a little bit more for our audience.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: You know, as far as just negotiation in general and life, right, because you know life be life and things are coming at you all the time, it never stops.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: It's how you deal with it, right, and your perspective of it.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Whether you're going to go, you know, meet Nico in his uniform, or you're going to go, you know, meet Nico in his uniform, or you're going to say, oh, no big deal and move on with your day.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: It's a very different outcome either way.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: So talk to me a little bit about you know what are some of the things mentally.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Let's break this down mentally and physically.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: You just talked about for our listeners what are some things you can do mentally to stay in that, in that positive mindset or, or you know, good mindset.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Well, you look at every situation you go to and you try to find the positive in everything, wherever you go, because, as we notice, when we meet all different kinds of people, it's almost like you can feel the negativity.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: So whenever, if you know, I always tell everybody that you know everything that happens is my fault.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: So if I go into something negative, I'm assuming that people are going to read that negative vibe.
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: So I, what I do, is I, basically, wherever I go, the second I walk out of my house, I'm positive.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: There's a little joke in the department that whenever I key up on the radio, they're like oh, it's Mr Happy.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: So it's kind of like and I wish I was joking because it's kind of like it starts at the very beginning.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: It just just try to be a positive person, because that way they're like oh okay, it's like I can be myself, I can ask what I want.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: When I'm with this person, I don't have to worry about like, keeping things from them, because here's somebody that's coming into all situations with a positive perspective.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: So just self-check and realize that, wherever you go, as long as you understand and you have the mindset like you do when you look at someone, I love you.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: I tell everybody whatever happens today, it's my fault.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: So I stay positive, so I give off a positive vibe.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: That's how I handle it.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: That's, that's, that's fantastic.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: So would you say that having that, that positive mindset, and again, whatever that that means for the person, um it, it.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: It obviously affects other people because they wouldn't mess with you if they didn't love you for it, right On the radio, right, mr Positive?
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: Absolutely yeah.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: So the people around you are generally going to be attracted more to the positivity than negativity, or you're probably going to attract the wrong people in your life.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: How has that affected you in your life, mr Positive?
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Well as Mr Positive, I realized that you know, like negative likes negative.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: So it's kind of like they always tell you to surround yourself people that are like minded.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: So I believe that negative people hang out with negative people.
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: There's that negative energy, but it's their energy.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: So I figured that I only attract people that are positive and happy, or at least I try to show people that there is two sides to a coin, or at least I try to show people that there is two sides to a coin.
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: It depends on how you handle the situation, which goes right into the effect of the outcome that you're looking for, whether you know it or not.
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: So, again, it's all about being kind and being positive wherever you go, whoever you deal with, because nobody wants to hang out with that Debbie Downer.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: No, and you know what?
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I love that you said that, because really you are.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: They say that you know the average of the five to seven people around you, and so if you're noticing I'm just going to throw this out there, right, I think you're going to agree with it If you're noticing, the people around you are all crabby and angry and everything, you may be there too, and that self-check, like Nico said, it might be time for that.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: So I also always suggest don't be the smartest guy in the room, because the people around you here's the psychological part of that the people around you are either going to bring you up or you're going to settle down to their level to be comfortable, right.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: So don't be the smartest guy or gal in the room.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: You always want to be rising.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: You always want to be better.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: You know, so you can say like nico says you know, I just did this fbi thing just to hone my skills a little bit, just to get a little better just a week.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I had nothing else better to do.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: No, it was amazing training and I enjoyed it.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: I I bet I'm sure that was a major gift and like to just go in there and do that and, of course, being around your comrades and so on, and, you know, spreading that positivity in that room.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: That's right, amen.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about the physical.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: So we've got about four minutes left and of course, I want to have people be able to reach out to you and get our final three tips.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: But the physical how much does that deal with mindset and being able to calm yourself and, and really there's the physiology that goes into all the negotiations for you, obviously, but also for you know, our everyday uh, veterans and or civilians, family well, the only way I can answer that question is what works for me, and I realize that you know, in order for my mental to be where it is, in order to handle the situations I do, I need to have my physical at the top of its game.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: Whether it's my 10,000 steps a day, whether it's, you know, keeping it under so many calories a day.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: You know the meal portions and stuff like that, which, for a lot of people, is like wow, that seems like a lot.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: Well, it's what I need.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: That's how I keep myself in check, my mental, because I've got my physical where I need it to be Push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, burpees, whatever each day brings, whether it's the boot camps that I put on, whether it's the workouts that I do for myself, all of that helps me train and it makes me happy.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Therefore, my mental is where it needs to be.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: So, again, I can only speak on behalf of myself.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: That's how I, that's how I help me be ready to handle whatever the situation brings.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, phenomenal.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: So there's.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of science behind it your physiology.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: When you're working out and a lot of people know this, but I'm just going to kind of touch base on it it releases good hormones that actually relax you, that calm you and put you in a better state of mind, and emotionally that all plays in together.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: So when you're handling things emotionally better because of your thoughts, you handle every day better.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Again, you know it's whether you know you get a flat tire and you, you know it ruins your day and everybody around you their day.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: Or it's like okay, I got a flat tire.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: You know life, this is life, okay, move on.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: And how much different is it when you have to do the workout, you eat right, you do those kinds of things and every day is just so much simpler instead of catastrophic.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: It just helps me get through the stuff that, just like you said, I've gotten a flat tire, got to fix a flat tire.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: It's just that simple.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: Instead of oh my God, my day is ruined.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I get it.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Things need to be now changed to deal with that time you have to spend.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: But it's like no use crying over spilled milk.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: I mean you pick up the mess and then you move forward and therefore, for me again, keeping my physical where it is now, even at my age, at 55, sorry, that's something in my throat, it's kind of like and I want to keep it going at 65 and 75 and so on, because it's that's what keeps me being Mr Happy, because my physical is where I needed to be and my mental is where I needed to be to get my job done.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: So that's my happy.
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: So that's, that's how I look at it.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love it, and I would just say, my friend, it's a fantastic way to look at it.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Thank you, I appreciate it Because otherwise you'd be Mr Negative.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't want Mr Negative.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: No one has time for Mr Negative man.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: All right, brother, we're at the end of the show.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: So, first of all, do you want to do another dad joke?
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Well, you know, if you push me, fine, I'll do one more.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: But, um, yes, I do have one more joke for everybody.
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, there's the push, okay.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: So what do you call a can opener?
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: That doesn't work.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: This is usually where I grab my coffee and take a sip, but I'll just, I'll give you, I'll give you a second.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: It's called a can't opener.
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: So again, cringy.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: The goal is cringy and I believe I succeeded in that, and my wife somewhere is rolling her eyes right now upstairs.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to tell you, man, I love when your wife's on the video and you're like honey, honey.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: Babe.
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: She's like why God, why me?
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: And I get it.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: That's the goal, that's my win for the day.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: That's awesome.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: So thank you for entertaining us.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Sorry to the wife.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: So how do people reach out to you?
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: How do people find out about your trainings, the Greek boot camp, all of it?
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: OK.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: So as far as the dad jokes go, it's hashtag Nick business and I C K B I Z N E S S.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: But in regards to any active shooter, active threat training, it's N E K O Z A I R I S at.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: Gmailcom is my email and dot com is my website.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Fantastic and you know reach out, you know people.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: This is a fantastic man and who doesn't want to be around him with his dad jokes and positivity as well.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I mean it just all goes together so well.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love it.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: So can we get three tips to get veterans and their families further fast?
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Number one always be kind.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: Number two there are people out there that want to help, please reach out.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: And number three put your body and your mind in what you consider the best version of yourself.
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: Try to eat better, try to work out.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Try to be a better version of yourself.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: Don't compare yourself to the next person.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: Just be a better version of you.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love that.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't compare to other people.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Compare to them for possibilities, but compare yourself for growth.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, nico, as always, love you being on the show.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: And time is the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: We do not get it back.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: We do not get it back.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: We do not get it back.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: So thank you for spending some of your life and time with us again and spreading such amazing information that can help you just in everyday life.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: So thank you so much for that.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: The honor is mine.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: Thank you for your time and it's always a pleasure to be any part of anything Michael Cole has to offer.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: Thank you, sir.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Thank you, man.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: I appreciate that and on that note, we're out of here.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.