Latest / Frankie and Johnny: The Conversations We Never Had / Back to School, Real Talk: What Kids Actually Want Parents to Ask

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Back to School, Real Talk: What Kids Actually Want Parents to Ask · Frankie and Johnny: The Conversations We Never Had

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: This is Frankie.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: And this is Johnny.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: And here we are.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: This isn't an episode, just jumping, jumping in.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Just jumping in for a few minutes.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Jumping.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Conversations we never had.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Just keeping it real.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: First week of school, Johnny.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, how's uh it feel to be big man on campus?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so uh Monday was my first day.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: We had a little retreat on Thursday and Friday, which was supposed to be our first day.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we did a little retreat.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um True North, which is the school I go to.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: We do it's called Titan Takeover.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: You just you go out on a basically like a field trip for two, three days, and you know, you just have fun with friends and play football, be outside.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um I mean it was a good time.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had a good time.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's a pool over there, we played some pool basketball, some slides.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it was fun.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um school started Monday, and we had our senior breakfast, a little senior breakfast surprise from the parents.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we got to wear senior crowns that we decorated uh not too long ago.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And school's been good so far.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I like my classes um for the most part, and I'm excited to see what what what has what has to come this year.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it sounds like a big party, but you know what I love again is you know you you just shared of the retreat.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: We went outside, we played, and and I'm sure everybody generally was having a good time and was off of the devices uh and and engaging, you know, like connecting, right?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and this is one thing I I I just realized there's all these events going on like senior year.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: I hear as parents we're like, oh, well, it's senior year.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Kids are like, well, it's my senior year.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And what I've realized is we give them so much.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: We want them to have this incredible time, which like as a dad, like I want my son to like squeeze everything out of life and really enjoy it, the zest of life.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: But it's not like we almost it's almost like after senior year, that's it.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Life starts sucking.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And no, like life is just beginning, and we put so much on this one year, like it's the last year, almost like people make fun of, oh my god, you're married, it's over.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if you look at it that way, it is.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, we we've cuddled our children too much, it's the truth, and we have to do a better job of like building some friction in their lives.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: Some, hey, that there's have fun, but there's also some sort of responsibility.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like there needs to be a balance because if not, we're ultimately in saying that we want you to have a good time, we're really setting you guys up for failure in the future because life isn't one great, one big party.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can make life, you can have one hell of a life.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: You can have party, you could party throughout your life, but life isn't just about a party.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I saw those some pictures, and you know, that looked like fun.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And and Johnny, also share a little bit.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I realize growing up, we tend to we tell our kids, oh, you know, you're a Republican, and like this is what you gotta believe, and this is what you think, and or and you're a Democrat, and this is what you gotta believe, and this is what you want to what you have to think, or you're a Catholic, you're whatever the label is, whether it comes to politics or religion, and almost like we try and we do actually, we indoctrinate our children in this ideology.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of teaching them, listen, this is what dad thinks, this is why I think it this is what mom thinks.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: That or you know, I'm mom, and this is what I think, and this is why, and and let you make your own decisions because as an adult, and you know, we we've gone to several met several share a little bit, several kinds of we don't have to mention any names, but you could share what what that experience was like and what what we did.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I think uh as a kid growing up, I mean, of course you're gonna get uh you're gonna take over the side, I'm guessing, uh for the for like most cases, um, you're gonna take over the side that your parents are on.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but as as a kid you also have your own beliefs, and growing up you're gonna have your own beliefs, those beliefs might change.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um but honestly, just it's really about the principles of the person and the values of that person holds.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, we've been to a couple of of talks and and rallies, if you will.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um they've been good.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've learned a couple of stuff about politics that I really didn't know about.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um not really anything about like political views or oh, I'm gonna vote for this person, that person, but I mean, just just to know who that person is and what's going on in the world.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um It's been an interesting, it's I mean, there's people that that are running that you're like, dude, how is this guy running?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, he's just uh you can share a little bit about the experience, you don't have to mention the name, but share a little bit.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but like for example, we went to uh some rally the other day and he was some kid went to go ask him a question and and he just said kid how how old would you say more?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: The kid was probably like 18 to 20 years old.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um maybe even younger to be honest.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, he looked like he was in high school.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um But he just went to go ask him a question.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: The kid was of course nervous.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're talking to uh I mean a future politician, maybe, and the guy just basically tells him, like, well, I think you need to drop your Adderall level like five times lower or something.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And he just like the guy, the politician just told him off, and I was like, Whoa, like this guy is like he's not even up there yet, and he's already talking, I guess, like bad and putting people down.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's not what you do.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, even if they're on the opposite side of the party as you, you're just showing the people that are on your side uh who you are as a person.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, character matters, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, and and like most of us grow up, like you know, it's it you you said what you mentioned was really important.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Most of us grow up just adopting this like political ideology that that that our parents gave us, right?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And and like listen, all our parents want what's best for us, you know, uh generally speaking.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: And and they just adopted the ideology that their parents gave them.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's almost like this this vicious cycle, and at some point, like we say that we want our kids to be independent, we say that we want to have them think for themselves.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then we have to really allow them to think for themselves.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have to teach them why these beliefs are so important to us.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Are the words that we say and the things that we do, are they in alignment?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Are the people that we support, are they aligned with the values that we say we believe in?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because if not, what are we really teaching our kids?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Do as I say, not as I do?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because they catch what we do a heck of a lot more than what we say.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Would you agree?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: So how can we, as parents, do a better job like talking to you guys and um to help you uh so that you can form uh your own ideas to help you think for yourselves.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: What what do you think that we can do in order to to help that?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I mean like like you said, um like have them with like be independent, but at the same time teach them why you believe these things, your beliefs and and your I guess your values, and um at the same time, like you said, just help them like make like let them be independent about what they think and talk about it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if if you don't agree on something, I mean people don't uh not always agree.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh a lot of kids, I mean a lot of parents influence those kids out there um that that this is right and this is wrong and that's how it is and that's how it's gonna be.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to have some leeway there.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um 'cause not not everybody nobody's perfect and not everybody's gonna have those same beliefs.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's just that's not how it is.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um so I think that's that's that's a way parents could could help those kids, I guess, be independent and and um stand up for themselves by just letting them be independent, uh sharing their beliefs with each other.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's that's that's a good way to.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is great.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like we were just gonna come up here and start two, three minutes, and and I mean look, we're having a dialogue here, and we're gonna continue to run with it for a little bit.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because I I like where this is going.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: I I I like these real conversations and real moments instead of like let's say something that we all know, right?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like all of us know.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: What's the standard thing when you know mom or dad will pick you up from school?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: What is it?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: How's your day?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what's the answer?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Good, good, or uh, not bad.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Fine.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Fine, yeah, I guess.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like it doesn't matter if their day was terrible.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Did it?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: It was always like automatic answer.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like uh when you go to the uh cashiero.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, how are you?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm good.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know what one thing I've I've learned, and it's pretty cool that we should uh I'm I'm gonna invite you to to to come in on this and and try this out for yourselves.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, how you doing?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm about a seven, a number, an eight, a nine, I'm a four.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: That way we have a leeway of what we're to go with.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like if we give each other like like a grade, and and not just with one another, like with our with our siblings, with our relationships, uh check in with ourselves.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like first thing we wake up in the morning, like this is young people, old people, all people, like check in with yourself.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes we we we wake up and we just well, not sometimes.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: Almost ever almost all the time, most people get up, hurry up in a hurry.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: And we're in a hurry because we wanted to sleep those extra five minutes.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: But if we wake up, be intentional about our day, but do a check-in.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: How am I?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: It takes five minutes, not even 30 seconds.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: How am I?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: How do I feel?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then now you know where you're at.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now you have a now you start your day with with with intention.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And um I was actually this is something that that uh that I've been also thinking about and I I I I want to hear have them hear you know your thoughts.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh how important do you think that it is to actually schedule as a family, like some like no devices, no, you know, just hey look, this is our day, this is our time, and this is like our time for to connect.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So before I answer that question, um I'll get back right back to it.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: But also instead of how you were talking about uh how your day was good, um some parents do ask this, but I um I suggest this to a lot of parents out there.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, instead of asking uh how your day went, ask them what they did because there gives you a sense of like it's not a yes or no answer or not a good or bad answer.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's it's they have to tell you, I mean, like what they did and and and out and getting that answer from what they did, you get to know if it was good or bad.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you get two answers in one and it starts a dialogue and a conversation with your kids.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: So going back to that question that you were asking about um how important it is for our kids to I mean for families to have their alone time and kids to not, I guess, have devices, nobody had devices.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's honestly a ten out of ten uh when it comes to importance, um you need to have those real and deep conversations.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be deep, but you have to have those real conversations with family, and most conversations that you have with your kids are just oh, how are you?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, what are you doing today?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um how's school?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like we just said, um, instead of asking that, uh, how'd you feel this week?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, deeper questions so the kid can answer and you guys could have some real dialogue.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be too long, but I mean half an hour at least.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um even 20 minutes, but to have some you know deep conversations.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when you say 20 minutes, like 20 minutes a day, like having Yeah, 20 minutes a day, or if you want to do a weekly check-in, I mean give like schedule a day that you're gonna have that weekly check-in, and you know, give it an hour and just talk about the week.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think it's easier, honestly, uh weekly check-in, because you could have more dialogue from that one week daily.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, sometimes your day wasn't so I guess uh like so fun or boring, or it was just a normal day.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean that weekly check-in of oh, what'd you do this week?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: How was it?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how'd you feel doing that, or was it good, was it bad?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: So to your point, actually, as you're saying that I I like what you're saying, and we we we've talked about this and we haven't done as good uh I gotta take I'm gonna take respon 100% responsibility on the parent.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't done a a good job at at it at applying it.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like again, we're learning here uh together, but it's it's it's no, it's not nothing.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's not I was about to say, well, I have to start.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's start.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Make a decision.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: I just made it.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: It starts this week.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, we'll we'll figure out the day.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: We'll talk about it, we'll have an hour day.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: But but I I I like at least maybe half an hour, the weeks get crazy, but at least five, ten minutes, like just like our kids, just like our if you're in a relationship, you're you're your partner.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's gotta be a check-in, like, hey, like, how how are you?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how really are you?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Not how is work, not I mean, we hear all that, but how are you?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like, uh and we need to do that with with the people that are closest to us in in our home, because these are the things that really build like strong bonds, lifetime bonds with our children.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Not not okay, look, they're 18, they're gone, and see ya, don't want to come back.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's fine if if those conversations at moments get uh silent.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually a good thing because that means that other person's thinking about their answer and in deep thought, and that's what you want.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: You want them to get a real answer and not something fake.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, don't think it's awkward.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a little bit for for a while, but you won't regret having those conversations.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so models real, raw, and vulnerable.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Before we got on today, you know, we were in a little bit of a we had an argument.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um and like, oh, we don't want to do, you know, we were looking for all whatever, like excuses, and and it's crazy how like when we got on here, we're having these like this is all to help everyone, but like really but I'm getting so much out of this and learning so much of my son that you know, I don't think I've ever said this to you.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love being your dad.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: I love being your dad.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we tell our kids how much we you know we love uh I love you or um but actually saying I love being your dad.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what what does that feel like for you?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it means a lot because I I obviously love being a son.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Just like we were talking about in the retreat last week, uh, our parents and uh wait by the way, but wait, like you you can repeat the part of I love being your son, like that doesn't get old.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: You could keep it, you can say that.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: I did say that.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, I know, but you you can you can say oh just like I said.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, you I don't get I'll just say this.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't get I want to hear what you have to say, but I don't get tired of hearing that.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when what I was saying is that last week on the retreat that I was talking about in school, uh our family members, uh some people just had their parents write to them.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: But it was like a letter.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you're Catholic or or Christian, you usually know what it is, and they call it in Spanish unpalanca, right?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I got one from my dad and my mom and my sister, and my dad said that in the in the letter too.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: He said that I love being your dad and that he's so proud of me.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: And um I love hearing those words because it gets me motivated um to just be better, and it just makes me proud of myself as well.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like a two-on-one because I know that I'm making my dad proud and I'm making myself proud too.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna kill me on this show, man.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is um.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: But see this.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: We get so caught up in in all this distractions and whatever it is.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: And not that those there's things in life that aren't important.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's a lot of things that are important, but what are we doing it for?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are we doing?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Everything that we go out and do, whether it's work, whether it's um, you know, uh time together, whatever it is, we're doing it for what doing it for the people that we love, or we should be.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: We should be.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: So this for me is um it's a gift.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: You you you are uh doing this together, like you choosing to yeah, let's do it.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: And and like really, you sure?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um I'm I'm so incredibly proud of the young man that that you are are becoming.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so thank you.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Any anything else you wanna uh I mean that's it.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this might not have just been a jump in, honestly.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: This could be a yeah, I think this is gonna end up being an episode.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what episode, maybe maybe like we had already pre-recorded one for episode three, but like maybe this is it.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we're just gonna run with this.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't anticipate uh this happening.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um you want to tell them like what you know what to do, subscribe, you know.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, I I actually just dropped uh we just made an Instagram account and Facebook, so go follow it.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's Frankie and Johnny Podcast.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um you can find us on those platforms right now.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: I should be making a TikTok one soon uh within this week.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it'll be the same name.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: All of them are gonna be the same name, so it's easy for you guys to find.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um just look up Frankie and Johnny Podcast and make sure to follow.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be dropping all the content there.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we're gonna be switching Frankie and Powers is just gonna be his, and then this one's gonna be ours with all of our videos.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so let's kick it off.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and bring in you know, bring in your questions.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like we've got into several questions.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna I'm I'm piecing a group together, and I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna like print it out.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't want to read the questions before because I I I want the answers.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like I I I gotta see uh you gotta help me see how how we kind of like print it out.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know I'm gonna have to like see parts of it, but I don't want to dive deep into the questions.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: I want to do it real, like read them, non-scripted, hear the answers, so you can feel whatever emotions come up for me, come up for Johnny.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: And again, this this is we're doing this literally uh to serve.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm here to been born to help.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: I love helping people that are struggling, and so does Johnny.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: So so this is Frankie.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: And this is Johnny.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for joining us for the episode of the conversations we never had.