Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 68: How To Rebound From A Tough Year

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68: How To Rebound From A Tough Year · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's that time of year when everyone is posting how amazing their life is.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: The vacations, how they've increased their money, their Beyonce and Taylor Swift, VIP experience, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: And despite it all, I've heard a lot of people from this Colored Dreams community that it's been tough.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And let me share with you things that have been outside of our control that's happening in this country and in this world.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Three things.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: One, Dr.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Murphy, the US general, a surgeon, shared loneliness is the number one epidemic in our country.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we actually don't need him to even share that.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: This makes complete sense, especially after COVID and living in a life where we use our screens to numb ourselves from the reality of issues and challenges that we may be going through.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Second, what's happening in the world right now?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And third, going through an inflation.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I've been hearing from this community.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine, I got laid off to Elaine, my company just laid off a bunch of people and now I'm doing three people's jobs.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or Elaine, what used to work in my business is no longer working.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, this notion of what the fuck is happening.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So in this episode, it's a real talk on how to rebound from a tough year because I've had a tough year.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And to be transparent, not a tough year in 2023, but last year in 2022.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna be vulnerable to share how I honored that tough year of pause and healing and how you can too.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So don't worry, this is not like a depressing episode, but one to reset, reflect, honor, and grow.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's drop the beat.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Elaine Lucartas.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a business and career coach for women of color and allies.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: LA Weekly awarded me the number one thought leader.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And Apple News named me one of the top five business coaches.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Going through an identity crisis, professionally or personally, we'll get ready to have some conscious conversations.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now grab your coffee, tea, or boba, and let's call your dreams too.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Lead your legacy.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said in the intro, this was a wonderful year in business, personally and professionally for me.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: We got our first home.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: My profit compared to last year.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: I just looked at my reports for my bookkeeper of all finance.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: We have increased by 5,093%.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I took two years off not working, go two, not two years, sorry, two weeks off, I wish.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's a new goal.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Two weeks off not working, going to Tanzania to hike Mount Kilimanjaro and go on a safari.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sure, you're like, oh God, she's bragging.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I also want to share, I have my Susan Flinter like you.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: 2022 was a tough, my hardest year.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have shared podcast episodes about this, and I'm sharing another one.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's just so easy, like, oh my gosh, she's just killing it.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, I just did a course on how to switch careers and working on these contracts with corporations and companies, but it was a tough year.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was burnt out.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't do business the same way anymore.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was just completely overworked.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember there were times when I was looking at my bank account and I knew I had to make more money, but I just couldn't.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: There were times where I just like randomly cried.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I knew what I had to do to do well, quote unquote, well in business to make money, but I just couldn't do it the same way.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I went back to EMDR therapy.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized I had to heal from doing what other people, the experts, told me what I should be doing.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized I needed to ask myself the question: what do I want?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, that's not doing all the things.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And even before 2022, I mean, like, let's be real and honest.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I promise it's not a Debbie Downer episode.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So just please stay here with me because I promise I will give you some things to reflect on.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And not necessarily actions, but like a good perspective because it's not just all about action taking, but just being present.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: So please stay with me.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, this is a depressing episode.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, I promise it's not.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: But let's be honest, you and I were human.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if there are any animals listening, that's cool too, you know?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: But even before 2022, I've had other horrible years.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: There was a year I was fired twice, not just once, twice in one year.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I quit a job with no savings.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've gone through my share of breakups.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, just being a human, going through shit.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure you have gone through.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: And whenever I do presentations, I would always ask the question like, how many of you have are grateful for a breakup from an ex?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I would have everybody raise their hand and not saying that that person was horrible, but we just learned so much about ourselves.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: But we had to learn, evolve, grow to to become the best version of ourselves.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So how did I rebound from those tough years?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: And how can you too?
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna share five things to think about that may resonate, but the year may not.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one pausing and healing, I went back to therapy.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe this is something you need to do too.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to stop focusing on the doing and focus on the being, learning how to really listen and honor my voice, what I wanted.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And as a first-gen immigrant, as the only girl, the oldest of my generation, it was really hard.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I went back to EMDR therapy.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is the only therapy that's been able to heal me.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to learn more, you could check out my episode on coaching versus therapy.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Rai Sharma about it.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll put it in the show notes.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: But EMDR therapy just really helped heal me of how to honor my voice.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you've tried therapy and it didn't work out for you.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I hear this from other people.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: But what I recommend is to date therapists until you find someone you vibe and you connect with.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: What was important to me, which may not be for you because maybe you identify differently, what was important to me is to find a woman of color therapist.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I found specifically for me an eight, an Asian American woman who was older, who was such a great match.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't have to share specific challenges as an Asian American woman that I go through and explain things.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was so wonderful.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And she eventually graciously fired me because that's the goal of therapy.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So some resources to find a therapist, go check out psycholytoday.com to find a therapist in your area.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you want a woman of color therapist, look at inclusivetherapists.com.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the episode, if you are interested in listening when it comes to the difference between coaching versus therapy, is episode 25, Coaching versus Therapy.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Which one do you need?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: With my friend Dr.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nazanin Mwali.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: So second, if you want to rebound from this tough year, look at your look at how you're spending both your money and time and re-edit, re-audit what is actually important to you right now in terms of how you want to spend that money and time.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I had to be completely radically honest with myself.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Did I really need to spend all this?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: I cut a lot of expenses for my business and realized there were also things I was spending personally that I didn't need.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And for example, in my business, I reduced my retreat cost by 60%.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, why do I need all these fancy things, like these crazy gifts and having a photographer and videographer at each retreat?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: I reduced another line item by 75%.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're a business owner listening to this episode, like do you really need to spend all that money?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I had a full-time job when I was this hot shot fundraiser in both politics and the nonprofit sector.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I used to count how much money I was wearing.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Very different from who I was, who I am now.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be wearing like$1,000 on average.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like my shoes would be three or$400.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I would be wearing like a Burberry watch, a dress.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: So different from even what I'm wearing right now.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am wearing piranha pants, very comfortable, like a sports bra, like a sweater on top of this spaghetti t-shirt.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And in terms of time, I looked at what things I could scale back from my business, what I could delegate or delete altogether.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I learned to hire coaches that complemented my coaching, including an intuitive guide, marketing strategist, and systems expert.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I also saw what brought me joy.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you're thinking.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine, you have such good stuff here.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want more.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want more tips and advice for your business career in life, sign up for my Gifts and Gifts newsletter at ElaineLew.com forward slash join.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's J-O-I-N.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And here's three things you'll get when you join, because I'm like Santa Claus.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I love giving.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, funny gifts.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Cause who doesn't love memes and pop culture references?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: This newsletter is so fetch.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, receive actionable gifts.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's business, career, and life tips that you can start doing today.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Third, the gift of me.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Not only do you get my wins, but also my failures, my reflections.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: My gifts and gifts newsletter is like an up-to-date diary.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Think Zenga or Life Journal for my fellow millennials, where I share vulnerable stories, relatable mistakes, and important life tips like what to watch on Netflix.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like when's the next Bridgeton season?
• 10:41
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• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's J O I N.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to the episode.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know it was late to my 20, 23 years resolution, but I finally went back to doing Muay Thai, which is Thai kickboxing.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I fell in love with Mu Thai when I was 16, and now I do it five times a week.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I could tell when I haven't been doing Muay Thai lately, and I get high anxiety.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I missed one day this past week.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh, I need to go back.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And when it comes to reevaluating both your money and your time, it just helps see, okay, what is important to me?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember when my coaches used to tell me I could tell what is important to someone based off of looking at their bank account, what they're spending money on, one.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then two, looking at their calendar.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where's their time?
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: If it's all about work, where's the time personally?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: So some two resources when it comes to re-auditing, re-editing your money and time.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to episode 66, Four Steps to Reduce Financial Anxiety with Claudia Rucker.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then episode five on time and energy management to get your life back.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Third tip being more conscious and mindful of being present.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: This was huge.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I used to just grab my phone to escape from my feelings and anxiety.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And instead, now I would sit with my feelings and acknowledge it.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like hey anxiety, what up?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I feeling this way?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I should probably go to Demoy Thai because I'm not moving my body.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or oh, I really don't want to do this work.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe because I realize it is too much for me.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what needs to change?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And actually, this happened to me last year when it was a tough year for me.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what needs to change?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to put more systems together, like be more organized to see what I could delegate to my team.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that helped me tremendously.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm talking about work, but even personally, making sure that when I was with my partner, when I was with my family, I was completely present.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't just taking up my phone and saying, hey, this might be some great piece of content.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I should take a picture.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I could make it angle like this if I was going out to eat.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Being present just has oh, it has been incredible, even with the feelings of anxiety.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth tip, reach out to people you feel safe with.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you know a friend or a loved one who went through a similar stage as you, wanting to change careers, change their business model, or going through something personally like a breakup.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Reach out.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: We heal in community.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Remember when we were kids with the small little problems we used to have when we were kids or teenagers?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't it cute?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was out with a friend in Santa Barbara, and we were around a couple of young 20-year-olds and actually in college, they were college students, and they were talking about I can't believe she just doesn't like me, or I can't believe he doesn't like me.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my gosh, your problems are really cute.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not having to worry about paying for bills or property tax.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just adorable.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember being their age, how I it felt so nice to talk to people about my issues, my problems, and knowing that I wasn't alone.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So reach out to people that you feel safe with, a friend, a loved one.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if you need an expert, talk to a therapist.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know sometimes we get scared to share a friend or a loved one, maybe a mistake that we made, and we acknowledge the mistake that we've had and it's affected our life.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And we are scared to be judged.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: It has happened to me multiple times because I am human, I am not perfect.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what's so great about a therapist?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: They legally cannot share information that you tell them.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And they don't judge.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I said, check out episode 25, coaching versus therapy.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Which one do you need?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in terms of like being in a safe space, you can check out episode 28, the importance of trauma-informed spaces with AGMoses.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then, fifth tip, remember, we aren't meant to have the best year ever, every single year.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: We live in seasons.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, look at our beautiful planet.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: We are currently winter, then spring, then summer, and fall.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: And just like trees, I don't know if you know this, but obviously in the summer, there's so much beautiful leaves, green leaves.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And during the fall, the leaves have they turn brown and they have to go down.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because when it rains and snows, when the rain and snow comes through the branches, the leaves don't absorb it because if the leaves hold the water in the rain, the trees could die.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: So literally, trees have to shed their leaves to live a long time.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: We as humans, we need winter.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: We need times where we pause and get rid of weight to see what we need to do to evolve and change, whether that is personally or professionally.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I talk more about this with my client Brenda Moreno in episode 36 of resting as a revolution, what we can learn from nature and seasons.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: But we aren't meant to be constantly living in summer, constantly having the best years.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Circumstances change, right?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe you are now a parent, maybe you have an aging parent.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: We are human and we evolve.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: So my aligned action step for you, a reflective question is be kind to yourself, honor this season, pause and give yourself time to heal and be radically honest and self-aware.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need to change to be the best version of who you are now?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now you have five steps to rebound from a tough year.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, at the same time, I want to remind you to honor this season in life.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if you found this episode helpful, here are four things you can do if you feel called to do them.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: One, share this with a friend who is having a tough year to let them know that this is normal.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is a season.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what you can do.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Not from an action perspective, but in terms of a, hey, pause, heal, do what you need to.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, don't forget to hit that follow and subscribe button.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you do, it allows Interweb to do its magical thing.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let other woman of color and allies like you know that this podcast exists.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, if you feel called to do it, leave a five-star rating in review for the Color True's podcast.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: So more women of color and allies and create a sustainable life outside of work.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: I create this podcast as a free resource for fellow women of color because contribution is one of my top values.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: And fourth, if you would like to see how to work with me to create a more sustainable business career and life, that is aligned to your definition of success and no one else's.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: While honoring whatever season you are in life, then schedule a complimentary legacy business and career review call at elaneelew.com forward slash call.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's E L A I N E L O U dot com forward slash call.