Latest / R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E. / Find You Before You Fit In

Transcript

Find You Before You Fit In · R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E.

• 0:00
  Welcome to Real Talk for Real Life, where we're realizing everyone is always
• 0:07
  learning and living your full experience.
• 0:12
  I'm your host, Coach C, and this is Season 6, Episode 2, Find You Before You Fit In.
• 0:22
  Listen, before you start adjusting yourself for rooms, relationships,
• 0:27
  careers, friendships, families, expectations, opportunities.
• 0:35
  Or anybody else's comfort, find you first.
• 0:40
  Because real talk, if you don't know who you are, you will spend entirely too
• 0:46
  much time accepting other people's definitions of you.
• 0:51
  You'll become who the relationship needs you to be, who the friendship expects
• 0:56
  you to be, who the job rewards you for being, who the family is most comfortable
• 1:01
  with, who social media applauds,
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  and eventually, you can become so good at fitting in that you look up one day
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  and can't find yourself anywhere in the room,
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  and that is not becoming on purpose.
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  That's disappearing by accident.
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  Find you before you fit in.
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  It's so important that you find yourself before you fit in somewhere because
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  listen, when you know you, nobody else gets to tell you who you are.
• 1:37
  They can have an opinion. They can misunderstand you.
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  They can dislike you. They can decide you're too much.
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  They can decide you're not enough. They can even walk away from you,
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  but they cannot define you.
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  And for my believers, we've got an advantage here because our creator already
• 2:00
  said a whole lot about who we are.
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  Scripture says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in Psalm 139 and 14.
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  Ephesians 2 and 10 said that we're God's workmanship, created for good works.
• 2:17
  1 Peter 2 and 9 says we're chosen, royal, set apart.
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  Romans 8 and 37 reminds us that we're more than a conqueror.
• 2:28
  Genesis 1 and 27 lets us know that we were created in the image of God.
• 2:34
  Jeremiah 31 and 3 lets us know that we are loved with an everlasting love.
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  2 Timothy 3 and 17 lets us know that we are equipped for every good work.
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  And Romans 8, 38-39 reminds us that nothing can separate us from the love of God.
• 2:58
  Baby, that's a whole identity before somebody ever gives you a title,
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  a relationship status, a position,
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  a paycheck, a following, an invitation, or a seat at their table.
• 3:16
  So why are we handing strangers, supervisors, partners,
• 3:21
  friends, family members, algorithms, and comment sections an eraser and letting
• 3:29
  them edit what God already wrote?
• 3:32
  Listen, you better find you. Fitting in can cost too much.
• 3:40
  And here's where we have to get real. Sometimes fitting in feels good.
• 3:46
  We all want connection. We want community. We want to belong somewhere.
• 3:52
  There is absolutely nothing wrong with belonging.
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  The problem starts when belonging requires betrayal of yourself.
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  When you have to shrink to stay, silence yourself to stay, pretend to stay, Perform to stay.
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  Compromise your values to stay.
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  Hide parts of yourself to stay.
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  Keep saying yes when everything inside you is screaming no.
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  Baby, you aren't fitting in anymore. You're fading out.
• 4:30
  And I don't believe becoming on purpose requires you to erase yourself.
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  Growing is not the same as changing who you are.
• 4:41
  Now, hold on, because I already know somebody is thinking, well,
• 4:46
  Coach C, aren't we supposed to evolve?
• 4:50
  Absolutely. Find yourself doesn't mean freeze yourself.
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  There are things about you that should change.
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  There are habits you need to break, Mindsets you need to challenge Behaviors
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  you need to correct Skills you need to develop,
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  There are versions of yourself that you've outgrown,
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  Becoming on purpose means we're constantly evolving But there is a difference
• 5:22
  between evolving your character And abandoning your identity,
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  Growth asks, how can I become better?
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  Fitting in asks who do i need to become so they'll accept me those are two very different questions.
• 5:41
  Now, Dr. Seuss knew a little something, too. And listen, even Dr.
• 5:46
  Seuss gave us a little wisdom on this thing.
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  One of his most famous reminders is, Today you are you. That is truer than true.
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  It's simple but powerful because there really is something powerful about deciding
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  that being yourself is not something you need to apologize for.
• 6:11
  Now, we're not using that's just who I am as an excuse to be rude,
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  reckless, irresponsible, or unwilling to grow.
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  No, ma'am. No, sir.
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  We're talking about knowing your values, knowing your voice,
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  knowing what matters to you, knowing what you believe, knowing what you're willing
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  to negotiate and what you absolutely will not.
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  Knowing what brings you alive knowing what drains you
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  knowing what kind of environments allow you to flourish knowing what you bring
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  into a room before anybody in that room decides whether they value it,
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  because listen you are best when you are yourself not everybody is going to
• 7:01
  like that version. That's okay.
• 7:04
  Not every room was designed for you.
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  Not every friendship is supposed to follow you. Not every relationship deserves access to you.
• 7:16
  Not every opportunity is your opportunity.