Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 151. Tame Reactivity for Productive Relationships | Workplace Harmony and Health

Transcript

151. Tame Reactivity for Productive Relationships | Workplace Harmony and Health · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie: We're going to talk about reactivity today.
• 0:02
  Kathie: You know, that feeling you get when you're just frustrated and you outburst with anger and frustration.
• 0:10
  Kathie: Yeah.
• 0:12
  Kathie: But learning how to deal with reactivity can be very beneficial, especially in the workplace.
• 0:21
  Kathie: So what is reactivity?
• 0:22
  Kathie: It refers to the tendency to react quickly.
• 0:26
  Kathie: And emotionally to external stimuli or events.
• 0:29
  Kathie: And today we're going to talk about reactivity..
• 0:33
  Kathie: But reactivity is an automatic and instinctive response and it can be triggered by various factors such as stress, frustration, conflict, or unexpected situations.
• 0:47
  Kathie: When someone is reactive, they may display impulsive or emotionally charged behaviors.
• 0:53
  Kathie: Oh, have I seen this in traffic?
• 0:55
  Kathie: I can't wait to talk about it.
• 0:58
  Kathie: Often they don't even take time to fully process or consider the situation.
• 1:04
  Kathie: Reactivity can manifest in different ways, such as immediate emotional outbursts, defensive reactions, or even aggressive behavior.
• 1:15
  Kathie: It can impact both personal and professional relationships.
• 1:19
  Kathie: Leads to misunderstandings conflicts and decreased productivity.
• 1:25
  Kathie: Re activity can also hinder effective problem solving.
• 1:29
  Kathie: And decision-making.
• 1:31
  Kathie: As it may cloud judgment and prevent rational thinking.
• 1:35
  Kathie: Managing reactivity involves developing self-awareness.
• 1:39
  Kathie: Emotional intelligence and effective communication skills.
• 1:44
  Kathie: By being more mindful of our reactions and learning to respond rather than react, we can create a more positive and constructive environment, both in the workplace and in our personal lives.
• 1:57
  Kathie: You're listening to Kathie's coaching podcast.
• 1:59
  Kathie: I'm your host, Kathie Owen.
• 2:03
  Kathie: So I like to relate dealing with reactivity to traffic situations.
• 2:08
  Kathie: When I was a kid, I remember very distinctly my dad getting so frustrated in traffic.
• 2:16
  Kathie: And my dad was such a calm man.
• 2:19
  Kathie: He was always calm.
• 2:20
  Kathie: Never heard him cuss.
• 2:22
  Kathie: I never even saw my parents fight.
• 2:25
  Kathie: I really honestly can say that.
• 2:27
  Kathie: I know that sounds weird, but it's true.
• 2:30
  Kathie: But my dad would get so reactive in traffic.
• 2:34
  Kathie: While driving.
• 2:36
  Kathie: And I didn't understand that.
• 2:38
  Kathie: I thought that was weird.
• 2:40
  Kathie: I, it just seemed irrational to me.
• 2:42
  Kathie: And then my little brother turned out to be just like my dad.
• 2:47
  Kathie: But let's take it a step further.
• 2:49
  Kathie: My little brother.
• 2:50
  Kathie: Is a traffic engineer.
• 2:53
  Kathie: He has a degree in traffic engineering and I live in the Houston area and actually my brother teaches other engineers how to do traffic engineering.
• 3:03
  Kathie: And people know him because he's just such a great teacher of traffic engineering.
• 3:09
  Kathie: But the funny thing is my brother hates traffic.
• 3:13
  Kathie: It's so funny.
• 3:15
  Kathie: I know you can relate to reactivity in traffic because it just happens.
• 3:21
  Kathie: And the funny story I was talking about was one day I was driving.
• 3:26
  Kathie: Across the feeder road.
• 3:27
  Kathie: That's what we call it here in Houston.
• 3:29
  Kathie: And I was crossing the feeder road to get from one side to the other, and I was going to be quickly out of this person's way.
• 3:37
  Kathie: And the light was red.
• 3:38
  Kathie: So I quickly pulled over into the far lane and it was only in her lane for a moment.
• 3:44
  Kathie: She pulls up right beside me is hanging out the window in a hundred degree heat in the Houston area.
• 3:52
  Kathie: And she was giving me the finger, she just was shooting a finger at me, cussing me out.
• 3:59
  Kathie: And I look at the head and the light is red.
• 4:02
  Kathie: She's not going to go anywhere anyways.
• 4:04
  Kathie: It's now, like I knew it was her and cut her off on purpose or anything like that.
• 4:09
  Kathie: And it w I didn't even interfere with her safety because I was quickly out of her way.
• 4:15
  Kathie: But remember I mentioned that it was hot outside.
• 4:18
  Kathie: Her window was down.
• 4:20
  Kathie: She probably didn't have air conditioning.
• 4:22
  Kathie: So I felt sorry for her.
• 4:25
  Kathie: And in fact, I kind of laugh because I'm like, why are you getting so reactive?
• 4:30
  Kathie: Where did that come from?
• 4:32
  Kathie: We're going to talk about that today.
• 4:35
  Kathie: I like to relate dealing with reactivity to traffic situations.
• 4:40
  Kathie: And I'm going to give you some examples of.
• 4:43
  Kathie: Traffic.
• 4:44
  Kathie: And how people get funny in traffic.
• 4:48
  Kathie: Aggressive driving.
• 4:49
  Kathie: Reactivity and traffic often manifests as aggressive driving behaviors, such as tailgating.
• 4:55
  Kathie: Excessive speeding.
• 4:57
  Kathie: Weaving in and out of lanes are cutting off other drivers.
• 5:01
  Kathie: These actions are fueled by impatience frustrations.
• 5:04
  Kathie: Uh, or a sense of entitlement.
• 5:07
  Kathie: And hang until the end because that word entitlement.
• 5:11
  Kathie: Is very much related to reactivity.
• 5:14
  Kathie: We are going toTalk about that.
• 5:16
  Kathie: You may also see honking and shouting.
• 5:19
  Kathie: Reactivity can lead to excessive honking or shouting at other drivers.
• 5:24
  Kathie: It may happen in response to perceived slights.
• 5:27
  Kathie: Or when feeling provoked by another driver's actions.
• 5:31
  Kathie: This behavior can escalate tensions on the road and contribute to a hostile driving environment.
• 5:38
  Kathie: Gesturing and rude gestures.
• 5:41
  Kathie: I remember my little friend in the story above.
• 5:43
  Kathie: Yeah.
• 5:44
  Kathie: She gave me a rude gesture.
• 5:46
  Kathie: Reactivity can result in the use of rude gestures or offensive hand signals toward other drivers.
• 5:52
  Kathie: These gestures are often impulsive reactions to perceived wrongdoing or frustration.
• 5:58
  Kathie: And I will admit I do this too, but it's funny when you become emotionally aware of what you're doing and why you're doing it and how funny it really is.
• 6:09
  Kathie: You really start to cease doing it.
• 6:13
  Kathie: So let's look at the workplace and look at what can trigger reactivity in individuals.
• 6:19
  Kathie: And remember these that we talked about in traffic, because they're so relatable and so similar.
• 6:25
  Kathie: Several factors can trigger reactivity and individuals.
• 6:28
  Kathie: And these factors may vary from person to person, but some common triggers include stress.
• 6:35
  Kathie: High levels of stress can amplify emotional reactions and make individuals more prone to reactivity stressors can include work, pressure, deadlines, personal issues, or a demanding environment.
• 6:48
  Kathie: Another factor that can trigger reactivity and individuals, this conflict, interpersonal conflicts, whether with colleagues, superiors or clients can trigger reactivity.
• 7:00
  Kathie: Disagreements criticism or perceived threats to one's position.
• 7:04
  Kathie: Or reputation can elicit emotional responses.
• 7:09
  Kathie: And then there's frustration when individuals encounter obstacles or face challenges that impede their progress or success, they may become frustrated.
• 7:18
  Kathie: This frustration can lead to reactive behaviors, such as anger, impatience, or lashing out.
• 7:25
  Kathie: Another, uh, factor that can trigger reactivity and individuals, especially in the workplace is change or uncertainty.
• 7:34
  Kathie: Sudden or significant changes such as organizational restructuring.
• 7:38
  Kathie: Job transitions or new responsibilities can create feelings of uncertainty and trigger reactivity.
• 7:46
  Kathie: Uncertainty can be unsettling and cause individuals to react impulsively.
• 7:51
  Kathie: Right now I'm reading the book.
• 7:54
  Kathie: Leaders eat last.
• 7:57
  Kathie: By Simon Sinek.
• 7:58
  Kathie: And this book is just fabulous and it talks about all of these different things, how we could manage our stress, how we could manage our conflict, how we can manage our frustration.
• 8:09
  Kathie: But one of my favorite topics in the book is how we help others with change and uncertainty.
• 8:15
  Kathie: And I'm going to be talking about this more in the future because change and uncertainty.
• 8:20
  Kathie: I can be felt.
• 8:23
  Kathie: You don't even have to talk about it.
• 8:25
  Kathie: It can be felt in the workplace and it can trigger other things that are going on and it can trigger reactivity.
• 8:32
  Kathie: Throughout the company.
• 8:35
  Kathie: And it definitely decreases productivity.
• 8:39
  Kathie: I will have a link to that book in the show notes and description below.
• 8:43
  Kathie: And I definitely recommend this book to anybody who works in management or human resources, because it is, is so helpful to understand this so you can help your team and you can help them understand what's going on in the company.
• 9:01
  Kathie: And then we also deal with personal triggers.
• 9:04
  Kathie: Every one of us have our own personal triggers based on past experiences or traumas.
• 9:09
  Kathie: And these triggers can be unique to each person and evoke strong emotional responses leading to reactivity.
• 9:18
  Kathie: I personally have a diagnosis of complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
• 9:23
  Kathie: I consider myself a survivor, but honestly, those triggers never go away and they come back in the most random fashion.
• 9:32
  Kathie: And.
• 9:34
  Kathie: We need to be.
• 9:37
  Kathie: Aware and empathetic of other people's triggers and what could have caused that reactive response.
• 9:46
  Kathie: Then we also have lack of control, feeling a lack of control over situation can provoke reactivity.
• 9:53
  Kathie: When individuals perceive a loss of autonomy or influence, they may react defensively.
• 10:00
  Kathie: Or even aggressively.
• 10:02
  Kathie: And then we have fatigue and burnout, physical and mental exhaustion can weaken self-regulation and increased reactivity.
• 10:09
  Kathie: When people are depleted, they may have less patience and less resilience, making them more reactive to stressors.
• 10:19
  Kathie: It's important to note that individuals may have different thresholds for reactivity and what triggers one person may not even affect another person in the same way.
• 10:29
  Kathie: Developing self-awareness and recognizing personal triggers can help individuals better manage their reactivity and respond in a more constructive manner.
• 10:39
  Kathie: So how does one deal with reactivity?
• 10:42
  Kathie: And it's, it's, it's actually a journey.
• 10:44
  Kathie: It's not a destination.
• 10:46
  Kathie: I can tell you that, but I can tell you that dealing with reactivity requires self-awareness.
• 10:52
  Kathie: Emotional regulation and effective communication skills.
• 10:57
  Kathie: And here are a few solutions to help individuals manage their reactivity.
• 11:03
  Kathie: Self-reflection and awareness take the time to reflect on your own triggers and your patterns of reactivity.
• 11:10
  Kathie: Understand the emotions and thoughts that arise during reactive moments.
• 11:15
  Kathie: Emotions are just energy in motion.
• 11:17
  Kathie: And once you know that you can kind of put a gauge on that and then also understand.
• 11:23
  Kathie: What thoughts are arising as well.
• 11:25
  Kathie: And that's where self-reflection comes in.
• 11:29
  Kathie: This self-awareness can help you recognize and anticipate triggers, allowing you to respond more consciously.
• 11:36
  Kathie: And pause and breathe.
• 11:38
  Kathie: When faced with a triggering situation, pause before reacting.
• 11:43
  Kathie: Take a few deep breaths to calm your nervous system and give yourself a moment to respond thoughtfully instead of impulsively.
• 11:51
  Kathie: Engage in mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises regularly.
• 11:58
  Kathie: Mindfulness helps cultivate a state of present moment awareness, allowing you to observe your thoughts and your emotions without judgment.
• 12:06
  Kathie: This practice can help you become more aware of your reactions and choose more constructive responses.
• 12:13
  Kathie: And then there's emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence involves understanding and managing your own emotions and empathizing with others.
• 12:22
  Kathie: Enhancing emotional intelligence can help you regulate your emotions and respond empathetically in challenging situations.
• 12:30
  Kathie: So just the other day I had a friend of mine approached me about something at.
• 12:34
  Kathie: at.
• 12:34
  Kathie: at work where she noticed all of a sudden.
• 12:38
  Kathie: That whenever we have events that certain people get very, very stressed out and very unaware of how they're even talking to somebody else.
• 12:50
  Kathie: Little, did she know what she was developing?
• 12:52
  Kathie: Emotional intelligence.
• 12:54
  Kathie: And she was developing an intelligence that catches when people are reactive or when they're not aware of how they are acting.
• 13:04
  Kathie: And when you have emotional intelligence, It gives you not, not necessarily it up on the game, but it helps you understand that others are dealing with things in different ways.
• 13:16
  Kathie: And we all have different levels of emotional intelligence, And it helps you.
• 13:21
  Kathie: Empathetically understand what's going on with them.
• 13:26
  Kathie: And also communication skills.
• 13:28
  Kathie: It's important to improve your communication skills.
• 13:32
  Kathie: To express yourself effectively and assertively.
• 13:35
  Kathie: Learn active listening techniques to understand others better, which can reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.
• 13:42
  Kathie: And for me personally, I have difficulty with communication skills, and I know that sounds kind of funny coming from a coach who does talking all the time.
• 13:52
  Kathie: However, as growing up as a child, every time I stood up for myself, I would get hit.
• 13:59
  Kathie: I would get abused physically, emotionally, mentally you name it.
• 14:04
  Kathie: And I learned as a child that standing up for yourself.
• 14:08
  Kathie: Communicating your feelings is not a good thing.
• 14:12
  Kathie: However, it took me many years of learning communication.
• 14:17
  Kathie: Understanding it, we all have things that.
• 14:21
  Kathie: Hold us back.
• 14:22
  Kathie: But you can't let that hold you back.
• 14:25
  Kathie: You've got to break through that barrier and work on it, improve those skills that you think you're not good at because I promise you it will make a difference.
• 14:36
  Kathie: And then there's practicing stress management.
• 14:39
  Kathie: Implement stress management techniques like exercise, you know, that's one of my favorites, relaxation techniques, and time management strategies.
• 14:49
  Kathie: Managing stress can reduce overall reactivity and increase resilience.
• 14:55
  Kathie: Seek support, reach out to trusted friends, family, or colleagues for support and perspective sometimes discussing your concerns and emotions with others.
• 15:04
  Kathie: I can provide valuable insights and help you gain a different perspective.
• 15:09
  Kathie: Problem solving mindset.
• 15:11
  Kathie: Shift your mindset from reactive to proactive problem solving.
• 15:17
  Kathie: Instead of dwelling on the problem, focus on finding solutions and taking appropriate actions.
• 15:23
  Kathie: This approach can help you gain a sense of control.
• 15:27
  Kathie: And it will reduce reactivity.
• 15:31
  Kathie: And seek professional help if needed.
• 15:34
  Kathie: If reactivity.
• 15:34
  Kathie: significantly impacts your daily life, relationships or wellbeing, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.
• 15:43
  Kathie: They can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your specific needs.
• 15:47
  Kathie: Remember managing reactivity as a continuous process.
• 15:51
  Kathie: That requires practice and patients by implementing these strategies, you can develop a more constructive and mindful responses, fostering healthier relationships and a more positive environment.
• 16:03
  Kathie: And that to me is a win-win situation.
• 16:07
  Kathie: I want to shift gears a little bit, and I want to talk about entitlement and reactivity because they.
• 16:12
  Kathie: often go hand in hand.
• 16:14
  Kathie: As entitlement can fuel reactive behavior.
• 16:18
  Kathie: So entitlement refers to a belief or attitude that one is inherently deserving of privileges, special treatment or certain outcomes without necessarily putting in the effort or adhering to the same standards as others.
• 16:33
  Kathie: It often stems from a sense of superiority or an inflated sense of self-importance.
• 16:42
  Kathie: So in Reality Transurfing, they talk about how we are all just guests on this planet.
• 16:48
  Kathie: And so many people act like.
• 16:50
  Kathie: They're entitled to everything they get.
• 16:53
  Kathie: And honestly, you are not entitled to a dang thing except for your breath.
• 16:58
  Kathie: And as long as you're breathing, that means you're still alive.
• 17:01
  Kathie: So that means the quicker you take, get rid of that entitlement.
• 17:06
  Kathie: And self-importance.
• 17:08
  Kathie: And start to put yourself.
• 17:10
  Kathie: Where you're just a guest, you treat others differently and reactivity is not going to be the same.
• 17:19
  Kathie: And then we also have expectations.
• 17:21
  Kathie: I'm going to be doing a talk about expectations.
• 17:24
  Kathie: as well, because there's expectations.
• 17:27
  Kathie: And then there's reality.
• 17:28
  Kathie: And entitlement can create unrealistic expectations about how the world should work or how others should treat us.
• 17:36
  Kathie: When these expectations are not met it can trigger a reactive response.
• 17:41
  Kathie: Reactivity may manifest as anger, frustration, entitlement, or a sense of entitlement and demanding that others conform to our expectations.
• 17:51
  Kathie: Entitlement often leads to a diminished sense of empathy toward others.
• 17:56
  Kathie: When one feels entitled, they disregard or minimize the needs and perspectives of others focusing solely on their own desires.
• 18:05
  Kathie: This lack of empathy may contribute to reactive behavior when others do not meet their perceived entitlements.
• 18:13
  Kathie: So entitlement can have an impact on relationships and it can strain those relationships.
• 18:18
  Kathie: Reactive behavior driven by entitlement can lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, and a breakdown in communication.
• 18:26
  Kathie: Others may perceive the entitled individual as demanding self-centered or dismissive.
• 18:32
  Kathie: Recognizing entitlement and its role in reactivity is essential for personal growth.
• 18:38
  Kathie: Developing self-awareness about one's entitlement tendencies and understanding the impact it has on behavior allows for better emotional regulation by managing one's expectations and cultivating empathy towards others.
• 18:52
  Kathie: It becomes possible to respond more thoughtfully and constructively.
• 18:57
  Kathie: Practicing gratitude and humility can also help counteract feelings of entitlement by appreciating what one has and acknowledging the contributions of others.
• 19:06
  Kathie: It becomes easier to let go of entitlement and approach situation with a more balanced mindset.
• 19:14
  Kathie: And then of course, you know, I'm going to say this.
• 19:17
  Kathie: Develop a growth mindset.
• 19:21
  Kathie: Shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset can also help reduce entitlement and reactivity.
• 19:27
  Kathie: Embrace the idea that success and fulfillment comes through effort learning and adaptation.
• 19:33
  Kathie: Rather than entitlement encourages a more proactive and less reactive approach to challenges and setbacks.
• 19:41
  Kathie: It's important to note that reactivity and entitlement are complex issues and they may require professional guidance to address effectively.
• 19:50
  Kathie: Engaging in therapy or counseling can provide valuable insight and strategies to learn and develop healthier patterns of thinking and behavior.
• 20:00
  Kathie: All right.
• 20:00
  Kathie: That's my episode for today.
• 20:02
  Kathie: I trust that you found it helpful.
• 20:04
  Kathie: If you know someone who can benefit from this, please share it with them.
• 20:07
  Kathie: And until next time I will see you next time.
• 20:10
  Kathie: Peace out.
• 20:11
  Kathie: And Namaste