Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 57. How to work when you or a friend is neurodivergent (ADHD, Bipolar, Anxiety) with Monica Schrock

Transcript

57. How to work when you or a friend is neurodivergent (ADHD, Bipolar, Anxiety) with Monica Schrock · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have ADHD or you're neurodivergent and you just want to know that you are not alone.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you work with someone who has ADHD or is neurodivergent and you don't know what to do when you're working with them.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: So my grandma, who just transitioned about a year ago, was bipolar.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: I've also been diagnosed with anxiety.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: And in this episode, I'm joined by my friend, client, and my own marketing strategist, Monica Schock, a favorite here in the Color Your Dreams podcast.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: Monica's been here now the third time.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Monica's white, non-binary, has ADHD, bipolar, and general anxiety disorder.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: And this is an episode on personal stories where we're gonna have discussions on how to communicate, express, and work with others who may be neurodivergent, or if you yourself are neurodivergent.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: I also want to share that both Monica and I are not mental health professionals.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: So if you are looking for support, we do recommend going to find your right therapist.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: And there's two resources: there's psycholytotay.com and then woctherapy.com.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get into the conversation and let's drop the beat.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader, welcome to the Color Your Dreams podcast for women of color and allies.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm Elaine Lou Cartas, your host and a business and career coach that LA Weekly named the number one thought leader, and Apple News awarded one of the top five business coaches.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: So are you going through an identity crisis in your career or life?
2:05
SPEAKER_00: Or maybe both.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Well, this is the space and place where you can take the time to reflect and redefine your own definition of success.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: So get ready to have some conscious conversations about all the things.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: Now grab your coffee, tea, or boba and let's call your dreams to lead your legacy.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Hi, legacy leaders.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: So we are gonna try a new thing called marketing and mental health.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: And obviously, who would I invite to be in this episode because it's marketing and mental health?
2:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, it is the one and only Monica Schock, my marketing strategist who happens to be my marketing coach for my clients.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: Monica, welcome back again.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: Excited to be here as always.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: And in all transparency, the reason why I brought Monica back on, we are going over our marketing stats for this podcast.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: And I was telling her an idea.
3:12
SPEAKER_00: Let's do something with marketing and mental health because everybody wants the human side.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Like I would love for you to share the behind the scenes of why you think this is also important.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm excited.
3:23
SPEAKER_01: I think also like marketing and mental health are two of my focuses, but also I would say that marketing, because of the nature of it, has a lot of impact on your mental health.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: I know it's like something that people is a real challenge for people.
3:36
SPEAKER_01: And I like really understand why that's a thing.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: And working in it, it's like, oh my gosh, it's like you always have to be on top of things.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: Like a lot of the times your work schedule is like not something you can anticipate.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: There's always like so much going on, and you're forward-facing.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: So you're dealing a lot with the public and with like the people you're working with.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: So it's just like a lot of stimulation and a lot of things to keep track of and then a lot of energy that's expended.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: And honestly, do you really want to listen to like another strategy, like step-by-step process on what to do?
4:08
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm I kind of get tired.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: I remember one of my clients, she was like, I love listening to podcasts.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: I listen to all the business podcasts, but sometimes I just need a break from it.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I know.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: Cause then you get information overload, you know, which is another thing.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't need information overload.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: Like I could just, you know, I don't want to be like paralyzed by it.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's it's we're gonna talk about it.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk about ADHD.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for segmenting.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna talk about ADHD, whether like tips and advice on whether you have it or you're working with someone that has ADHD.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: So Monica has ADHD.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: I do not, but I have a lot of clients, friends, and family members that have ADHD.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: And the one thing I will say, being on the other side of it, is we all have different brains.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: Even if we all have, even if people have ADHD, it's different for everyone.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're all it's a neurodivergency.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: But I would love for you to share how did you find out you had ADHD and what did you do about it?
5:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
5:16
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't even think about it before.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like mental health and the challenges we have it have with it and the diagnosis and the like disorders.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: I still like when I was, I'm 36 now.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: So when I was in my 20s, like even still now, people don't really talk about it.
5:33
SPEAKER_01: It was still like a thing that it's like, oh, even if people in my family had things going on, it was like we don't really talk about it, like hush, hush, you know, like that kind of that kind of vibe.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: Like no one needs to know that someone's like different or othered or, you know, don't like to use the word crazy, but that's what people use.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: And so I didn't really think about it.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: I just went through life thinking, like, oh, everyone deals with this.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: This is how everyone's brain is working.
5:56
SPEAKER_01: So I shouldn't complain or like say that I'm having a hard time because everyone is doing the same thing.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: So just like suck it up, Monica, and like do what you need to do.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: And it wasn't till you know it's funny, I didn't realize I had anxiety until I saw a meme on Instagram.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Hey, a lot of people have been self-diagnosing themselves on because of Instagram, which is not that it's bad because it's not great.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not great, but it's good because then you don't feel alone.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: There's an awareness.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: There's an awareness.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: I don't recommend self-diagnosing, but it was a it was a gateway to me getting help and being able to see someone.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: So I saw I was on a plane and about to take off going somewhere, and I saw the the meme, and I texted my boyfriend, and I was like, I think I have anxiety, and texted him the meme, and he was like, You don't know that?
6:47
SPEAKER_01: So apparently, like everyone knew I had anxiety.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I went, that was like a few, maybe a few years ago, and I just like, I was like, okay, I have anxiety.
6:57
SPEAKER_01: Let me try to manage this.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: Didn't really know a lot about ADHD, honestly.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: And it's something where, right, I grew up, you know, I was assigned female at birth.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: I grew up like socialized as a woman.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm non-binary, but it shows up in us different than it shows up in men.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of the times it's really only been communicated the way that it shows up in men.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: No surprise there.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: We are an afterthought.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: So once I started learning more and more from friends who are like, oh yeah, ADHD.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: And it's a lot of us are realizing it in adulthood and we weren't able to be diagnosed in childhood because no one talked about it.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: Or everyone was like, Oh, only boys are ADHD, ADHD, and AD ADD.
7:34
SPEAKER_01: They have like attention deficit.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, yeah, just an interesting thing.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: So I came to it, like I was learning more about it, and then my grandmother and a few cousins are had bipolar disorder, and I started just like I went undiagnosed for a long time.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: I remember it onsetting when I was around 25.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Like I said, I'm 36.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: So I got diagnosed a little over a year and a half ago with bipolar generalized anxiety disorder and ADHD.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: And so it got so bad, like the bipolar disorder specifically, that I was just like, I can't deal anymore.
8:04
SPEAKER_01: And I told the people I'm closest to, like, I don't know what's going on.
8:07
SPEAKER_01: But everything that everyone says that you need to do to help your mental health does not help me.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, I still feel like my like brain is tearing itself apart.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: And so I finally, not finally, I just didn't know.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, I was like, okay, I think I need to talk to someone.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: I had already been talking to a therapist, but talking to, I was like, I need to make an appointment with the psychiatrist because I have a family history of bipolar disorder.
8:29
SPEAKER_01: Once I started looking into it, I was like, okay, if I have access to this, I'm gonna do it.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: So it took a few months because it was like coming out of COVID.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: So it took like five or six months for me to get in, which was a little rough.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: But just the anticipation of maybe having an answer no matter what it was was worth it for me.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: People were like, Are you scared?
8:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, because at least I'll know what isn't or what is going on and hopefully have some next steps.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: So I went to a psychiatrist, we had a few sessions and they diagnosed me with ADHD, generalized anxiety and bipolar too.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: So that's how I came to it.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being vulnerable, sharing all of this to our listeners.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: I know you also share publicly.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: And I would love for you to share so people that don't have ADHD or because you know, we think it's normal in our brains, right?
9:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we all think our brains are like the way that everyone else is.
9:20
SPEAKER_00: Example, like if you grew up in a household where everybody was yelling at each other, it gave me that's normal, right?
9:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but then I remember finding it weird when I would go into my friends' homes.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, they they talk normal voices.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: But I would love for you to share where there's specific situations.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you said the quote, for example, earlier, like, my brain is tearing apart.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: Like, what does that mean?
9:46
SPEAKER_00: What does that feel?
9:47
SPEAKER_00: Can you share with our listeners?
9:49
SPEAKER_00: And I only say that because I am pretty sure there's people listening who might be going through the same thing as you.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: And hopefully this will encourage them to, I don't want to say the word take care of it, but just more awareness and more healing for them.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, or be able to like advocate for themselves.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: I think is the biggest thing.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: I've shared like on my personal account a few times, and people are, you know, are like, oh my gosh, I would have never thought about this if you hadn't said something about it, you know.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: And that's how I felt.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not not that there's like I'm definitely going through therapy, so there's no like anger or resentment around no one talking about it when I was younger, because I would have known if someone would have said something that maybe I'd be like, oh man, that's how I feel.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Like maybe I should talk to someone, or maybe there is something going on that I could, you know, something could help with.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: For me, it is medication, just to be clear.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: I think like the tools that I have, it started with medication.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: It is something I think with bipolar disorder that I, you know, I'm not a professional, a health a mental healthcare professional, but it is something that we need, I think.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get off of it.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: I would love to at some point.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: But at this point, I'm like, I just want to feel good.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna like use the tools at my disposal.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: So obviously it's not the only thing.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: Like there are, you know, behaviors and routines and things like, you know, bipolar disorder, specifically with my brain tearing itself apart, is very much it's a mood disorder.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: So there are many phases that could happen within within that.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: The biggest ones for bipolar two are depression and mania.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: So these are two, you know, extremes of feeling most simple way I think I can put it are extremes of feeling sad and happy.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: Like these are extremes, extremes.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Like the depression is, you know, everything that most people probably know it is, like feelings of worthlessness and you know, like lethargic, no motivation, sometimes worse than that.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Then the mania is very like euphoric and you're super like confident, even arrogant.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: You might be a lot, you might be irritable, you might like feel like you're invincible, you are very impulsive with, you know, things like sex and spending money and traveling and making these like last-minute decisions.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I was really good at masking both of those.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: So when I was going through like a manic episode, like I was really good at hiding it for people from people for a long time.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, a couple of years ago before this, I definitely felt like I went through this like psychosis where it feels like your brain just like breaks, like you don't know what to do or what it needs.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: And then there's mixed episodes, which literally feel like your brain's tearing itself apart, where you feel manic and depressed at the same time, which I didn't know were a thing until last December.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: And it's like the wildest feeling ever.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: And I think, you know, the hardest part is like, okay, I still have to do life.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, like these things are happening, and I still have to market this product for a client or work at this job and be able to continue to do these things.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Like everything's good, like everything's normal.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: And I think, like, you know, a lot of people we go through like a version of that, maybe not bipolar disorder, but a version of having to put a like put a face on and and make and like pretend like everything's okay because capitalism and we don't get to stop.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: We have to make money, we have to pay for everything to live.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: And you know, in this economy, that's not easy.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: So it's exhausting.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: And then ADHD has a like a lot of symptoms that, you know, are similar.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes some are a little bit similar, like impulsive decisions.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: Another thing is like, you know, I think the thing people think about the most is not being able to focus.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: But it is really like there is a lot of that.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of like, you know, it takes a lot of energy to do what people would think would be mundane, easy tasks, like brushing your teeth, like like washing your face, like doing these things that people do automatically, that just takes a lot of energy.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes at night I'm like, I can't do it.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, I just can't do it.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: Or like folding clothes.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: That's the funniest like Instagram is like everyone who has ADHD, maybe, I don't know.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: I feel like a lot of us, like once you wash your clothes, like folding them, like ADHD people have this pile, this constant pile of clothes in their room.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: And I have since I was a kid.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: So that's like a flag that I'm like, I've been this for I've been this way for a long time.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: Piles, isn't it?
13:52
SPEAKER_00: Isn't piles a thing too?
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just piles.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: And you know where everything is.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: It's just like piles of things.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: But then I think that like bleeds into if we're talking about like, you know, a lot of what we talk about, we talk about the human side here, but also like we're having our own businesses or we're working at an office, and these things like bleed into that where it's like, you know, like you were saying before this, like multiple tabs, like so many tabs open, which I think like oh yes.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: So we need to kind of well, before I go there, I just wanted to say I got we are obviously personal friends.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: I would think so, Monica.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, I just needed to record it so that it's official on the podcast.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, but when you're talking about bipolar, my grandma, as you know, is bipolar in schizophrenia.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: So when you're talking about the episodes of depression and mania, I just remember seeing that.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: And that is like two generations above us, and it was just so my grandmother, too, yeah.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: Who was on lithium and in and out of like and just nobody wanted to talk about it.
14:55
SPEAKER_00: And my grandmother raised me and my brothers as my parents are working full time, and it was we never talked about it.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: It was hush hush, always, yeah.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: And it's or we pretend like it's something else, and I'll be honest, I do have regrets that I didn't stand up or say anything.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: And I majored in psychology, like in college, but I don't think I was enough.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I was mature enough and just that awareness.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: So I just really appreciate you opening up to to talking about that because I know that even for me, even though I don't I'm not bipolar, it it's also something that I don't want to talk about to other people in terms of my grandma having that.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a rough one.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: And another, like, you know, there are there is bipolar one and bipolar two.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm bipolar too, so I have depressive and hypomanic episodes.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: A lot of the times what what is portrayed in like media and in movies and things like that is bipolar one, where there's really high manic episodes that last like a long time, which people probably know what I'm talking about, because that's kind of the only one that's portrayed.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: But there's, you know, other versions of it.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: It shows up in everyone differently.
15:59
SPEAKER_01: And what another phase that I forgot to mention, which is hilarious, is stability.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: That is also a phase within bipolar disorder.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: You also can be stable.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, the goal is to be stable.
16:11
SPEAKER_01: But what's really funny about that, funny peculiar, not like ha ha funny, is that stability is the most like is the weirdest stage for me to be in because I haven't been for so so long.
16:22
SPEAKER_01: So once the like meds were starting to stabilize me, I was like, oh, this is weird.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I like this.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know if I like it.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: Like, what am I supposed to do here?
16:29
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm so used to up and down and up and down and up and down.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: Like that's that's my normal is like being like, okay, I can't get anything done in these like weeks or even months.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: And then when I get like hypomanic, I'm like, do it, do it, do it, do it.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's no, you're not sleeping, you're not doing, you're like, you have to like get everything done because you work in these highs and lows, because you exist in these highs and lows.
16:48
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's interesting too, because even like the happiness that I'm used to, like for me, being manic is happiness because that's what I know.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: So, like trying to like retrain your brain to be like, that's actually something else.
17:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, like happiness and joy doesn't have to be all the way up there.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: Like you're measuring it to a standard that's just impossible to meet.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: Like for a normal brain, you know.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: So going back as we're talking about neurodivergency, I was like, Wait, hold on, let's talk about the computer tabs.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: The computer tabs.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: Was it Zendaya that said, like, my brain's like there's like hundreds of computer tabs open and there's music playing in the background, you don't know where it's coming from?
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: Well, so before we hit record for those of you that are that have your own podcast or want to have your own, or even just have a computer and you're on Zoom.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: A little tip to make sure that your internet is fast is to close all tabs.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: So before hitting record on this podcast, I told Monica, oh, just a reminder, let's close all the tabs.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: And sh and I joked around because I figured everybody does it.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: So my bad for making assumptions that everyone does this.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: So I apologize publicly.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of people do it.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: I know.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: I was like, well, I have like a billion tabs, so let me go close it.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: And Monica shockingly was like, I don't.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
18:05
SPEAKER_00: Who are you?
18:07
SPEAKER_00: I know.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: And I made a comment to you before we hit record.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, is this like an ADH thing so that you're not distracted?
18:13
SPEAKER_00: So go ahead.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Let our listeners know what stuck with me.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: So I think part of this journey also when you know what's happening is to like try to manage and like mitigate those symptoms, right?
18:26
SPEAKER_01: So like you can't just take meds and and I mean you can if you want, but like meds don't generally fix it all.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Like for the bipolar disorder, I need to figure out what triggers me into those episodes and like pay attention to that.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, because it's not just like you have a depressive episode and then it's hypomanic and then it's still stable.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: This isn't like a no like a pattern.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: It's like whatever's triggering me in my environment is what happens, right?
18:48
SPEAKER_01: So it's looking at those things and then for ADHD, it's like, okay, like I, I mean, I think the biggest thing is not shaming myself for like, because oh my god.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, hold on.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: Let's let's say that again for the listeners in the back.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: Let's let's not shame ourselves for it because all honestly, the thing why we feel bad is because capitalism is like, you're not as productive as you should be.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: We are more by productivity.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: By productivity.
19:14
SPEAKER_01: And like a lot of the symptoms, uh a big symptom of ADHD is like you do a to-do list, you get one thing on your to-do list done, and you're just like, oh, like I've been so productive.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: And to like someone who is not ADHD, they'd be like, What are you talking about?
19:27
SPEAKER_01: You did one thing.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: But the amount of brain power sometimes that it takes to do the one thing or the thing you've been putting off for months, like that's another funny meme where it's like this thing I've been putting off for months that took me five minutes or whatever.
19:38
SPEAKER_01: And it's just like the like fear and the shame in your mind where you keep putting it off and then you keep shaming yourself for it so much so that you don't do it.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: It's like this cycle, oh, it's like the worst.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: It's like this, why am I like this cycle?
19:50
SPEAKER_01: So it's like thinking about the ways that that doesn't happen.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: For me, if I need to focus on something, if I need to do something, I'm like, today I need to do this.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about work for the most part.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Like today I need to do this to function in this hellscape.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, cool, I can only have that one tab open.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: Because if I have other tabs open, I'm just gonna switch, switch, switch, switch, switch and like distract myself and do a lot of other things.
20:13
SPEAKER_01: Do anything besides the thing that I'm needing to do, literally anything.
20:17
SPEAKER_01: And that's another ADHD thing.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: I will do all the things.
20:20
SPEAKER_01: I will clean someone else's house.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: I will like except for that thing that I need to do.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: It's really frustrating, but I think it's really important to like not shame ourselves.
20:28
SPEAKER_01: So that's like something that I do where I'm like, I need to do this.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: There is nothing else open besides the thing that I need to do.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: I will always have something in the background.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you're like an ADHD person that has to have background noise.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: That's me.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: So I'll put a show in the background that I've watched like a million times.
20:42
SPEAKER_01: Like 30 Rock is my show to put in the background because I don't have to pay attention, but it's there.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: It's the like noise that can, like, you know, keep me feeling like comfortable and like secure.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: And it really is like little things like that because I can't tell anyone like how this will help them.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, like for me, it's like I have to dump everything out of my brain.
21:00
SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, I'll be like spiraling.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: So to do lists are a huge thing.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: Prioritizing to-do lists are a huge thing.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: Because it's not just like I write this huge to-do list and then I'm overwhelmed and then I'm paralyzed.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: I know what you're thinking.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Elaine, you have such good stuff here.
21:16
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21:18
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22:31
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to the episode.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: I think we talked about it in one of our episodes.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: It was the one that we did with Juliana.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: I'll put it in the show notes.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: But I remember I was talking about like, yeah, I add things to my calendar, and then you called me out.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Elaine, that doesn't work for everybody.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: We have that type of friendship.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: So we can't do that.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh, we do, we do, we do.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: But you're like, you're you mentioned to me and you called me out and you said my brain doesn't work that way.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, and what you shared was that the to-do list.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: And then what is the top three or top one?
23:06
SPEAKER_00: And what's interesting, and I want to say publicly, I apologize, Monica.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: And two, thank you, because I do have clients that have ADHD.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: I've shared with them, like, well, I give a warning or caveat with them.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: I was like, hey, do what works best for you.
23:23
SPEAKER_00: So this is what works best for me is I block things out.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Each day is structured like CO Mondays and then Tuesday through Thursday are calls.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Fridays are my creative days.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: Right.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: What works for me?
23:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: And and what I notice is when I would recommend that to folks who have ADHD, that doesn't work for them.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: What works is your strategy, Monica.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: The rank dump and then let my let me prioritize.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's the top three or one?
23:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's all I need to do today.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: Because some days it's like if I'm in a huge depressive episode and like my anxiety is bad and my ADHD is like flying because of that.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm like, my only to-do list today is to get through the day.
24:03
SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, another thing would be if there's something due, I can get it done so I don't get fired or I don't lose a client or something like that.
24:09
SPEAKER_01: Like I do have to prioritize, like, you know, money sometimes, you know, because that's just what it is, and you have to push through.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: But I think, yeah, it was like when people are like, oh, just block off two hours and do all your content for the blah, blah, blah.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't do that.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: I can't I also can't do that.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: I can't.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, it's just too much.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: But even what you were saying with the day themes, like I and I have tried it before.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Like, people say that, and it sounds like a great way to schedule your life, especially as an entrepreneur.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like stoked that it works for some people.
24:37
SPEAKER_01: But for me, it's like, I cannot, like with the highs and lows that I'm in with ADHD and with bipolar disorder, like I cannot anticipate when I'll be able to do things.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: Like there really needs to be like an ebb and flow in that, like you said, prioritized to-do list that's just like, let me not overwhelm myself and then shame myself for getting one thing done on my to-do list or nothing.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Like, let me just be like, this is the thing that you need to do today.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: And then I get it done.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: And then I feel like, cool, I did the thing that I said I needed to do today.
25:06
SPEAKER_01: And like, if I don't, it's okay.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: And there's like no, you know, I think I just had to stop shaming myself for not also being as consistent as other people.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's just not if I'm working in these highs and lows and I have trouble like doing certain tasks, like I cannot be consistent like people want people to be.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, even with like podcast episodes and stuff, I kind of just release them when I'm like able to.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
25:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, okay, that's the way I work.
25:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm just not gonna be on that schedule.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, I can't just, I can't control my motivation like that.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm really prioritizing how my brain feels and not so much what that what the output I can do with my brain is.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Here's what I appreciate about working with you since you're my marketing strategist is there's days when I ask you, like, hey, can you work on this or what's the update on this?
25:56
SPEAKER_00: And you'll be so transparent and direct with me.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, I'm having a down day.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Or I need a couple of days.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: And then I respect it.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: So another question, and it's more so for people who may work with others that have ADHD, but they don't have it, right?
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: Is what advice would you give to them?
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Because I'll be transparent.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: There are times where I get frustrated from my pastel, right?
26:23
SPEAKER_00: It's not you, Monica.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: Like, why is it so hard?
26:27
SPEAKER_00: Just do this thing.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: I was like, why aren't you doing this?
26:29
SPEAKER_00: Why can't you do it?
26:30
SPEAKER_00: Like, I just did 10 things and you can't even do this one thing, or like oh, it's just so hard.
26:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, I know it's not because of you, like you don't know.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: I just know I can feel that feeling where you just like feel that this person is like, why can't you do this?
26:44
SPEAKER_01: And then you fear like they think you're incompetent or lazy or whatever.
26:49
SPEAKER_01: And you're like, no, literally, my brain is just working against me in every single way.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: So what advice would you have for those that do have ADHD?
26:56
SPEAKER_00: One.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: And then two, to the people that don't how to work with them.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: For people who do have ADHD, I would say as much as you can.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: I know it's not, it doesn't always feel good.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't always feel like safe.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Like we have to make a certain amount of money.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: We have to exist in these spaces.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: I will say I have been in the last year and a half being much more transparent about it.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that has helped because I'm it, yeah, we work together.
27:20
SPEAKER_00: So I really appreciate, I appreciate you being transparent and it also educates me.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: Right.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: And that's the thing too.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: I think that's a big thing for me since people weren't when I was going through this for a decade and then it went undiagnosed for bipolar disorder specifically, went I'd undiagnosed for 10 years, and it just got worse and worse and worse.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: So, me, I'm like, I don't want people to get that bad.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: So, and I want people to understand like these are not like I give myself longer timelines with clients now because I'm like, I know I'm gonna need more time.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not gonna pretend like I can work.
27:51
SPEAKER_01: Like I can work fast, and I know in my brain that I will do all the work in probably like two hours, but I will do all the work in two hours, like a couple days before it's due or the day before it's due.
28:00
SPEAKER_01: So let me just give myself enough time and look at the timelines I have for all my clients or all my projects at work.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's like we don't need to compete with people who don't have ADHD at the end of the day.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I think like being able to be like, hey, I need a longer amount of time on this, or hey, like today I'm just like, this is a struggle for me.
28:22
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna need till tomorrow, like end of day to do this, and just being really transparent.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think hold on.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: I I want to pause on that.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: I think that's really important to say.
28:30
SPEAKER_00: And also what I appreciate about that is that you weren't detailed.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
28:34
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to explain what your brain is going through.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: You're just like, today's a struggle.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: I can't do this.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can't do this today.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: And it's like not thinking you're less than because you need a longer timeline than someone who can just like do these tasks like boom, boom, boom.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: And I think for me also, I would be like, okay, cool.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: You know, you know what they say, the reward for for good work or doing work quickly is more work.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: So I think for me, I was just like, I want more work necessarily.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: If I have enough work, I don't want people to reward me with more shit to do.
29:08
SPEAKER_01: So I think for me, it's like if I have an adequate amount of things to do, an adequate amount of clients, or if you're at work, like being like, hey, like I'm a human being, having you expect me to do this many projects is like it's impossible.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: I can't meet these expectations.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to feel bad about myself because I can't meet expectations that are unmeetable.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's like, and it's hard because we live in this again, this system that like we might be punished for that, you know.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's like you do it in the like smaller ways or in in spaces or with people that you feel comfortable.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: I think when I got, I had a job that I just left.
29:43
SPEAKER_01: And when I first got there, I was up front immediately with my immediate supervisor.
29:47
SPEAKER_01: I was like, look, these are the things that I struggle with.
29:50
SPEAKER_01: This is how it can affect my work.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I will be transparent with you, but I want you to know that this is like a these are serious things that I deal with on a daily basis.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: And I think like that definitely primed like me to be able to tell her, like, this is, I'm gonna need more time for this.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: And with clients, it's like so much easier for me to do with clients than it is to do in an office job because I can just be like, cool, I need this amount of time, like, and then I'll like update them.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: Hey, like, you know, I've you know, I've gotten this far, but I just need a few more days.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: Like my brain was not in the space to to do this analytical work.
30:25
SPEAKER_01: So give me a few more days.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: I also put in my email signature, like, hey, like what, what, what?
30:31
SPEAKER_00: No, I love your email signature.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: If you don't mind, I would love to share that.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we'll put it in the show notes.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: But go ahead, continue.
30:39
SPEAKER_01: Share what Yeah, the synopsis is like, hey, I'm a human before I'm a business and you are too.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I don't expect you to reply in any like rush timeline.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: It's basically like giving them a moment to breathe.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: Like, you don't need to reply to me all the way or like right away.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: And so many people have like emailed back and been like, oh my God, I love that.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: I just like want everyone to put it in their signature.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: So we're all like acknowledging.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: But then also there's more than an acknowledgement that needs to happen, right?
31:03
SPEAKER_01: Because there's a lot of companies that are like, we prioritize your mental health, but they don't.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: So I think, you know, it's, you know, some of us, some of us are gonna do the labor, and I'm happy to do it to be like, yo, like this is not okay.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Like you, you know, you say you're prioritizing this, but you're not actually thinking about that when you're giving me projects or timelines or all of these things.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: And it's like this fake urgency that we all know exists because of capitalism, but like pushing back on that fake urgency, the false urgency, man.
31:32
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I read in a book, and honestly, I started reading this book.
31:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't remember what it was called, but I could probably find it.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: I think it was like nobody's normal or something like that.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: And they were talking about why these disorders exist, and it was like, oh, capitalism, they just you know, they had to put people in categories because they're not good workers.
31:48
SPEAKER_01: So then these disorders came about.
31:50
SPEAKER_01: So then you're disordered because you're not a good worker.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: Your productivity does not like stay consistent.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, that's all I need to know.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm only bipolar because my productivity is impacted by it.
32:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I forgot the book, but I was reading a book, and you know, technically you're still living this industrial revolution, right?
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Where it was created in the 1920s by the Ford Company.
32:13
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, I guess.
32:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, where humans are treated like machines in factories to do one task over and over, not just for eight hours, but for 12 hours.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: And then when people from other countries visited this factory, there was like articles written about like they're treating these humans like machines, like that they're just doing day by day.
32:36
SPEAKER_01: So then computers came around.
32:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:39
SPEAKER_01: And now we're expected to do not one task over and over again for the whole day and try to do as much as possible, which is terrible.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: We're expected to do like tons of tasks at the same time and keep up with communications platforms and be available all the time and be able to be contacted all the time and be super fast to reply.
32:55
SPEAKER_01: And all these things where it's like no way could this be like helpful to anyone's mental health.
33:01
SPEAKER_01: But when you have something like ADHD or bipolar disorder, the shame that is internalized because you can't do those things and you put off a task or you can't reply a day because your your low is too low, you know, and then you're like playing catch up and it's this constant like roller coaster of like feeling bad about what you can't do.
33:19
SPEAKER_01: And so instead of feeling good about like how your brain works, because there are positives.
33:23
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's something that I'd love to like end this episode on is like there's nothing wrong with how our brain works, you know.
33:30
SPEAKER_01: I think it's like we live, again, in this like societal expectations that we all should be able to put out the same amount of productivity.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: But like I, you know, it's a struggle, but I don't dislike how my brain is.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I think it's it's a part of me and it's a great part of me.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, left a job recently because I want to make sure I try to support my brain as much as possible and I have the, you know, the ability to do that because I've been freelancing for 15 years, that I can kind of like explore what that means to me.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: But I think there's ways that we're really creative.
34:03
SPEAKER_01: There are ways that we like show people like that certain things are possible, that you know, that there are so many great things about having ADHD or bipolar disorder.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: And then once you can manage it, there's like a lot of, you know, the beauty is in our differences, I think.
34:19
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's like it's a really good thing to also acknowledge that we're not worse at things just because we have we experience these things, we just do it differently.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: And and you know, sometimes that's hard, but also it's like really beautiful.
34:35
SPEAKER_00: Did you just have our listeners fall in love with you?
34:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: This always happens.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: Let me complain about Monica.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: Like Monica comes in, does these monthly marketing and mental health sessions.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: Side note, Monica's not a mental health practitioner, just old space.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, you know, I give my clients the same advice, and then I start getting messages from this.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, Monica said this, and Monica said to do this and do that, and not to do this, and all this amazing things in my life is happening.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I said the same thing, but you know what?
35:08
SPEAKER_01: Like when your partner tells you something, but then like someone else does, and they're like, Are you serious?
35:13
SPEAKER_01: I've been telling you that forever.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: It's that similar like vibe.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: But yes, I'm not a mental health professional.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: I do not diagnose people, but if people want to share what they're going through, all I do is share my experience and how I've like tried to manage it and any like tools that have helped me.
35:29
SPEAKER_01: So I I love doing that.
35:30
SPEAKER_01: Like I said in the beginning of the episode, marketing's hard.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: It's a lot of energy and it's something that has to be managed.
35:37
SPEAKER_01: And I think why I like doing those sessions with with your clients is because like I think the expectation is that you have to do everything, which is impossible.
35:46
SPEAKER_01: So it's like being able to look at what's working and what you might want to like explore without totally like shattering, you know, your your well-being or your mental health, because you're already doing, you already have a business or you're already like in a career that's taking up a lot of your time.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: So I think for me, it's like a real honor to be able to help people do marketing in a way that more supports who they are in their mental health than like tearing it down and making them feel so overwhelmed.
36:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:12
SPEAKER_00: So if you fell in love with Monica and you also want to work with me, there's yeah, we actually have a container with my color dreams inner circle.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: And you could schedule a call with me at ElaineLew.com forward slash call C A.
36:26
SPEAKER_00: Do it.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: Working with Elaine's amazing.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have a session after this.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: I work with Elaine too, and I get to be coached after this, so it's very exciting.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: Anything you want to share on both sides of being a client one and two, why you love holding space for others when it comes to marketing and mental health?
36:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:43
SPEAKER_01: No, I mean, I think like, you know, I used to think that that wasn't my thing.
36:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm a I'm an implementer, I'm a worker, like that's what I do.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, a couple jobs ago, they encouraged me to be apply for a manager position.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm not, that's not that's not me.
37:01
SPEAKER_01: And I did, and I was like managing or had four people directly reporting to me, and like my job was basically to hold space, right?
37:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I would chip in when things needed to be done, but really like being a manager is a very human thing.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: Like if you are actually able to be a manager and you don't have a whole job and you're like managing people on the side, which is wild.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: But I think also I I before that I did took a trauma-informed space holding certification, and that helped so much where you know, you can like think about how you're impacting people and not give unsolicited advice.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: You know, people are listening to this podcast because they knew I was gonna give advice.
37:34
SPEAKER_01: So, but like being able to hold that space, and I think I love doing that, you know, with your clients because I get to do two of my favorite things hold that space and you know, try to make people feel like seen and heard as much as I can, and give marketing advice, which is one of my favorite things to do.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: And then working with you as a client, I think like I've said this before, you've always respected who I am, even when I was like, I mean, you knew me when I was like going through all of that stuff before I was even diagnosed.
38:01
SPEAKER_01: And I think it was always like if I was like, I don't feel comfortable doing that, you're like, okay, let's pivot to another thing that you do feel comfortable.
38:07
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like, well, if you don't do this thing, like you're not gonna be successful in your business, you know, like that kind of thing that some business coaches can do.
38:13
SPEAKER_01: It's just always been like, you respect who I am and what I feel comfortable doing, but you also challenge me a little bit in like a really supportive way.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: So I think, and then of course, great strategies, you know what you're talking about.
38:24
SPEAKER_01: But that's like to me, to me, strategy, like we were saying at the beginning of this.
38:28
SPEAKER_01: Like, we all kind of know what the strategies are, right?
38:31
SPEAKER_01: So being supported by a coach is there's other elements to that.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of it is the human element and the like, okay, accountability and the someone like really like seeing you and paying attention to your needs and how you can show up in your business or career.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: Remember, we're humans first, not machines.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: And we have agency and choice.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: And I also took a trauma-informed certification, and whether you have ADHD or not, when you're on Zoom calls with colleagues or with your boss or even your clients, just remember you don't need to have your camera on.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: So, even one of the things I've implemented in my business, and we have it in our reminder emails like, don't feel forced or pressured to have to get your camera on if you don't feel like it.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: And no pressure to join the the office hours calls too if you don't want to.
39:23
SPEAKER_01: And if you work in a place where you do have to have your camera on, I'm so sorry because that's so frustrating.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: Like a job or something.
39:30
SPEAKER_01: I've definitely been in situations like that where I'm just like, okay, so I can just be feeling like garbage and I still have to like have my face here with everyone.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: Basically, when I'm I mean, I haven't worked for a job since pre-COVID.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: But I remember when I would be on my period, I'm like, I probably look like a bitch right now.
39:51
SPEAKER_01: You're like, how's it look?
39:53
SPEAKER_01: How am I looking right now?
39:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what's my look on this call right now?
39:57
SPEAKER_01: Not being able to hide stuff.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: But if you want to work with both of us, go to schedule a call with me because I'm gonna honor Monica's boundaries.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: But she doesn't she doesn't like talking a lot.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: I do.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: You know, I just switched on my website that just to contact me via forum because I'm like, I don't want people just randomly booking calls.
40:14
SPEAKER_01: But that's like me, right?
40:15
SPEAKER_01: It's just like, I'm like, I want to see what people are interested in, and then we can jump on a call if it makes sense for both of us, you know.
40:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:23
SPEAKER_00: So go to ElaineLew.com forward slash call.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: So let's end the episode.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, let's try to do it 30 minutes.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: We're close.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: What do we do?
40:31
SPEAKER_00: 40.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's fine.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: I would love for you to share two action items.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: One for those who have ADHD.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:38
SPEAKER_00: And maybe action, it doesn't have to be like an action item to do.
40:41
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a reflective last piece of yeah.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: And then for those that do not, advice for them, yeah.
40:48
SPEAKER_00: If they have family members or are working with people that have ADHD or a neurodivergency, it doesn't have to be.
40:55
SPEAKER_01: No, that's totally so.
40:56
SPEAKER_01: If you have ADHD, I think try, just try to not feel bad about not getting things done.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: If you're going to, like, for me, it's like if I know I can't get some things done, I'm gonna do go do something fun, or I'm gonna go watch something I want to watch, or I'm gonna read some comics, or I'm gonna go outside and I'm gonna be like, cool, I know this is gonna help me.
41:16
SPEAKER_01: So I'm not gonna feel bad about not doing this thing.
41:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go enjoy myself and come back and have hopefully have some energy to do it.
41:23
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's like removing yourself from the thing that you're just agonizing over, going and getting like some energy, anything that gives you energy and coming back to it and not like a lot of times we'll we'll be like, I need to rest.
41:35
SPEAKER_01: And then we'll spend that whole time rest being anxious and feeling bad about ourselves and guilty.
41:40
SPEAKER_01: So I think like that's easier said than done, but I think it's a big thing for me for sure.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: And if you work with folks with ADHD, I think, you know, it's just being a little like aware and not being like judgmental.
41:54
SPEAKER_01: I think being curious over judgmental, I think is the biggest thing.
41:57
SPEAKER_01: Like if you notice that people, it's harder for people to do certain tasks, you could be like, hey, how can I support you?
42:03
SPEAKER_01: It seems like that this might be a challenge.
42:05
SPEAKER_00: Bad question, actually.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: Okay, sorry.
42:07
SPEAKER_00: Can you repeat?
42:08
SPEAKER_00: I I think it's important.
42:09
SPEAKER_00: Can you repeat that script?
42:10
SPEAKER_00: I also understand I cut you off, so I apologize.
42:12
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, it's okay.
42:13
SPEAKER_01: I think like, you know, it's you know, being like, hey, I've like, is this project a challenge for you?
42:18
SPEAKER_01: Like, how can I support you?
42:19
SPEAKER_01: Like what makes, you know, what makes the most sense for you?
42:22
SPEAKER_01: And I think just asking questions and not being like, why can't you do this?
42:25
SPEAKER_01: But just being like, hey, I've noticed this has been a little challenging.
42:28
SPEAKER_01: It's been on your to-do list for a while.
42:29
SPEAKER_01: Is there something about it that is like holding you know that's making you stuck?
42:34
SPEAKER_01: I think it really is just a lot of things.
42:35
SPEAKER_00: I love that things.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:37
SPEAKER_00: I love that because how many of us have grown up in a household where someone's not doing it the way you want us to do, like, oh, why can't you do it?
42:43
SPEAKER_00: What's going on here?
42:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:45
SPEAKER_00: Right.
42:45
SPEAKER_01: And then that's and it makes you feel stupid.
42:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:48
SPEAKER_00: As opposed to, hey, I see you're struggling with this.
42:51
SPEAKER_00: Is there anything I could support you in?
42:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:54
SPEAKER_00: Or do you need more time with this?
42:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:57
SPEAKER_01: Is more time all you need?
42:58
SPEAKER_01: Is there something else you don't have or you feel like you're missing?
43:01
SPEAKER_01: Or is this just something now, like after this time that you feel like you're just not interested in doing?
43:06
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important too with people who don't have ADHD to realize that that doesn't mean everything sh needs to fall on them.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: Like you don't need to just like take everything off of someone's plate.
43:16
SPEAKER_01: I think it's just about being understanding and being like, cool, what's a timeline that makes most sense to you?
43:21
SPEAKER_01: And just like, and then the ADHD person taking that timeline seriously.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: Because that question, what's the timeline that works for you?
43:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
43:29
SPEAKER_00: The reason why I like that is because, like I said, I have clients have ADHD.
43:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna start asking that.
43:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: As opposed to deadline.
43:35
SPEAKER_01: Like have them choose the timeline.
43:37
SPEAKER_01: Have them choose the deadline.
43:38
SPEAKER_01: Like if you're like, this is the latest deadline, is this okay with you?
43:43
SPEAKER_01: Or do you think if you get it done sooner?
43:44
SPEAKER_01: Like I feel like I would usually choose the latest one because I know myself.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: But there's agency and choice in that.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
43:51
SPEAKER_00: Definitely not putting that person in a box.
43:53
SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
43:54
SPEAKER_01: And I've done that with a current new client where I was like, okay, I'm gonna really be mindful about the timelines that I tell them I can do things on.
44:01
SPEAKER_01: And I just like really stretched it out.
44:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, that's just where I'm at.
44:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm also burnt out from leaving a job.
44:07
SPEAKER_01: So I know like I need more time in general right now because I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm out of this job.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm I'm good.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm actually like back to 100%.
44:15
SPEAKER_01: No, which is also, you know, a mistake by me.
44:18
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you know, kind of right now being like, cool, you're still burnt out.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: So let's make sure that you're not adding a bunch of stuff to your plate, including socializing.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: Socializing should be our next episode.
44:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's gonna be our next one.
44:28
SPEAKER_00: So if you loved this segment for with marketing and mental health with Monica, actually send Monica a message on Instagram because they're active.
44:38
SPEAKER_01: What's your Instagram?
44:39
SPEAKER_01: My Instagram is money like M-O-N-E-Y Shrock S-C-H-R-O-C-K.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: So message Monica.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: I'll add, I'll add their Instagram account into the show notes or message me on Instagram.
44:51
SPEAKER_01: I'd love to hear from you for sure.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: I love talking about this stuff and just sharing my experience, like I said.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: So for real, if you feel inclined to chat about it, please message me on Instagram.
45:00
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
45:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:01
SPEAKER_00: Well, hope you loved Monica.
45:03
SPEAKER_00: But don't forget, I am the host.
45:06
SPEAKER_00: Monica's just an episode and monthly, maybe, but if you really love it, send receipts to Monica on Instagram.
45:15
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
45:16
SPEAKER_00: So we could continue doing it.
45:17
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Monica.
45:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thanks for having me.
45:22
SPEAKER_00: I hope you found this episode helpful, whether you are neurodivergent or not.
45:29
SPEAKER_00: Also, I want to remind you, we are not mental health professionals.
45:34
SPEAKER_00: So if you're looking for support, we recommend going to psychologytoday.com or woctherapy.com to look for the right therapist for you.
45:46
SPEAKER_00: And if you learned a lot from this podcast episode on how to work with someone who is neurodivergent or how to work with others if you are neurodivergent yourself, here are four things you can do if you feel called to do them.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: First, share this episode with a friend.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: Send them a personal message on how this episode can help them be seen if they are neurodivergent.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: Or if you have a friend who is working with someone who is neurodivergent, like has ADHD, bipolar or anxiety, and they need help on how to collaborate and work together, send them this episode to leave a rating and review for the Color Dreams podcast so more women of color and allies can create a sustainable life.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: And third, if you would like to see how to work with me and Monica to create a more sustainable life where you could be present with yourself, be authentic with others, and create your own checklist of success, then schedule a complimentary legacy, business, and career review call at elane loo.com forward slash call.
47:03
SPEAKER_00: That's E L A I N E L O U dot com forward slash call.