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Billy's Airport Rant · Billy & Lisa in the Morning

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'm sure everybody has a story to tell about their
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: holiday travels, their holiday experiences. A lot of people flew,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: a lot of people drove, at least, so you drove to.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: New York City.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: I drove, yeah, and I had zero traffic, like there
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: was no one on the road.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: You mean, given the eight hundred zillion people the road.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: So Thursday morning, which was Thanksgiving, I drove to New
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: York City, no problem, no problem. And then yesterday, biggest
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: travel day, no problem.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I flew and don't forget, the alert was up
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: with the eight hundred zillion people traveling by air by road.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: And I got to Logan Airport Friday morning and there
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: was not a single person in front of me at.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: The TSA, not one.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: The TSA asients were actually sitting on chairs talking to
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: each other.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: There was no one there. And then I went to Florida.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: The flight was perfect.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: It flew me down to Florida, was actually early and
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: landed early, which is always good. But then it was
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: planning to come home. We had a flight looked for
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: yesterday afternoon, early afternoon, like two thirty ish, you know,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: get me home so I can regroup and get ready
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: for the show.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: This morning.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: That flight was canceled early in the morning yesterday. Why oh,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: they're talking about some software. Well they always bottom line
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: is the staff.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Didn't show up. That's really what's going on behind the scenes.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: So they canceled that flight, and then they congratulated me
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: because they had me on another flight after that.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: That was canceled.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: The good news is we just hung around for five
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: or six hours just waiting for a flight.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: But we were still home. We hadn't even gone to
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: the airport yet.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: So then we had the flight and we said, okay,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I think we should go to the airport for this one. Okay,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So we get to the airport and again we're five
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: six hours behind schedule, and we had our seats. You know,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: we had good seats. We're in the third row and
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I like to get an extra leg room most of
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: the time, which is an extra charge, right, how sure
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, we get to the airport and now
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: it's boarding time. And the boarding time always fascinates me.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: There are people that get up and block the entrance
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: to the gangway at at the desk, and they're not
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: being asked to board for another hour, right, but they
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: stand right in front of every you know what I'm
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: talking talk you've been there, I don't. We need to
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: come up with a name for those people. And they
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: sit on the floor at the entrance to the gangway. Anyway,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: there's that. So now we had boarding passes in our phones,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: so you know, we're looking at the boarding passes, so
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: we know where we're seating. We had the row, we
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: had the seat number we're walking through. Now our phones
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: are open because you want to show those, you know,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: the seats walking down the gangway.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: And suddenly.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Our seats were changed as we were walking the gangway
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: to the plane, right, I said, what are.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: You talking about? That can't happen.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: What do you mean, Like, we just checked in at
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: the desk and they our seats and they we went
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: through the scanner and.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: We're all set, and you paid for extra legs, of
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: course we did.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: And by by the way, priority travel. Yeah, you're mosaic
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Mosaic four, okay, top notch. So now we get to
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: the entrance to the plane and the flight attendants are
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: standing there.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I said, something weird just happened.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: We knew we were in such and such a row,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: but we just got a bleep in our phone and
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Suddenly our seats were changed from upfront to the actual
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: back of.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: The plane, literally inches from the bathroom.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: And and and we weren't sitting together now we were
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: sitting in separate rows, but both of us had middle seats,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: which is a traveler's nightmare. Like I would never like
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't take the fly if there was a middle seat,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't flythroom, I'd go somewhere else.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, so now I'm in the middle seat.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Now the person to my immediate left right has and
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not exaggerating, Okay, a triple mask on.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Now what is that scream?
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: That screams raging COVID Like one mask wasn't enough, the
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: second mask also wasn't enough, So the third mask is
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: basically preventing us from death instant death.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And then on the other side of me a screaming baby,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: probably eight months old, right, And I'm sitting there thinking
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: what the f just happened. I was in I was
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: going to my extra leg room seats. I was going
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: to relax, have a glass of wine. Michelle has six
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: rows behind me, also in a middle seat, with a
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: giant person like to the left of her right.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: So tell people why, Wow, they switched.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: You the gate guy, the guy that you scanned to
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: get on the plane. He comes walking all the way
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: down the aisle the back of the plane to my
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: seat to try to explain what happened, right, because he
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: knew we had priority, you know whatever, clear And he says, listen,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to explain. There was a family that
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: wanted to fly together, and so we bumped you to
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: these seats. And I'm like, what family? And by the way,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: why me? Like this is a full plane, hundreds of people,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and you settled on the extra leg room people to
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: boot them from their seats, sit them separately. And by
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: the way, mosaic for and you don't ask.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: Me, hey, would you be willing? And why was nobody
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: else bumped? Why?
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: Us?
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: He did help a family.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: He did help a family. Family. But Billy's is right.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: They should have asked Billy and Michelle if they would
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: be willing to move or whatever.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, what if we me and my wife, what if
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: we had some sort of a medical situation had to
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: be together, you know, like where a family ask why
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: am I less of a family than that family?
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: If they asked you, what would you have said? What
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: would I have said if they asked separately, well, can.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I meet the family? What's the emergency in here? What's
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: the emergency process? Did they pay what I paid?
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: Like?
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Why was I singled out?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I think the gate attendant, for some reason had.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: It in for me. Okay, I don't know why. I've
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: never seen him in my life. I don't know. Maybe
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: he was upset that we had good seats.
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: You know, we wearing that Porsche hat.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Of course I was, you bet I was. If I
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: wasn't wearing it, I would have taken it on the luggage.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: That's why he was put it in your face.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: And so Michelle was sitting next to a giant person.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: You said, yes, now you know what it's like to
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: be in the middle seat and the person to the
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: left or right or is well.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, all due respect, but we're both
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: sitting there. You have to understand.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: So now it's four hours later, you know, four hours later,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: we're getting off the plane. I literally, this is how
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: far apart you were. It took me twenty minutes to
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: stand there waiting for Michelle to get off the plane,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: like she was literally at the bathroom door, like one
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: final move somebody could have pissed on her.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's how close to the bathroom she was. Okay,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: and then.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: You hear the flush every five seconds because and that's
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: another thing about flying, Okay that gets me. Why is
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: there always a line at the bathroom on the plane?
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: What is the urgency?
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: All of a sudden as soon as you take off,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I gotta go, like everybody's going to the bathroom, Like.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: What And then when you're like ten minutes from landing,
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: I gotta go back to the bathroom. And then they
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: get off the plane and they go into the bathroom
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: and the terminal like what's going on? Everybody's the runs.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: So what are you gonna do? Now? Are you gonna
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: are gonna call and complain?
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Oh? I already sent this scathing You get your money back?
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: No, I need like yeah, yeah, the extra legroom money. No,
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: I need like a free car or something. This is
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna take this all the way to heaven.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah. How are you feeling? By the way, awful?
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I get I got to bed at one thirty in
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: the morning, you know, like I never want to fly again,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Like I never the hell with Florida, By the way,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: I never liked that much anyway. It's another thing the
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: entire state of We got a place down there? Okay, fine, yeah,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: well do why do I need to know you have
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: a place down there?
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: You know? That's another thing the Florida people. Yeah, okay, right, yeah,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: you know we're at a place.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: We're in Boca like okay, yeah, we're on the water
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: and you know wherever.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: Fine, Well, besides the trip, was your was your time there? Well?
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Spent at your house?
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: You had to ask because you knew all we did
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: all weekend.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I had a buy a new dryer. The washer wasn't
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: working right, the air conditioning.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, he's got air conditioning problems in Florida.
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not good, that's that's hefty.
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: No, but he had air conditioning problems here too, remember
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: all summer?
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah yeah, So now how about this. I'm
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: pulling the appliances off the wall down in Florida. This
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: is my RESTful weekend, right, and you know those big
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: things just stick through the vents. I'm running like hoses
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: and everything through the events of the entire But you
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: asked me how it went.
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: This might be the worst. I don't know, God all
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: worked up