Latest / Pod Therapy / #378: Sexual Shame, Masking with Friends, Self Cringe

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#378: Sexual Shame, Masking with Friends, Self Cringe · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: In definitely the right. I think we found the right solution.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: That's probably how we solved this problem. I like that
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Nick or Jacob waited until Nick took a big ass
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• 0:33
  Speaker 1: That's gym, that's Whitney. I'm next, reward yourself. Take another bite.
• 0:37
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• 0:58
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• 1:01
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• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Guys are Jacob jumping out of the cake.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yea, you were still cleaning up cake. It's everywhere.
• 1:14
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• 1:16
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• 1:18
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• 1:21
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  Speaker 1: that might be a winner. It is a minimum of
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  Speaker 1: one thousand dollars for a table. It's always you came
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: up with more ideas. You generously added more. Now we've
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• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, behavior every beer you have seven months, one less sushi.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: Role, a social hour, fine.
• 2:30
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• 2:33
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• 2:38
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• 2:41
  Speaker 1: support mental health. It's a wonderful cause. But we've got
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: some great questions for some today's shows, Today's show and
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: also some exciting new sponsors who have brought some supports
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: and the show. We're really excited for it. So some
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: real heavy hitters, some real havy right great, so pop
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: there finally hit the big time stream. So exciting stuff
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: that we're going to be having in between the questions.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But the first question today dealing with the conflict of
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: shame and values. Hi, Jim, Nick, Jacob and Whitney. Whitney,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: you guys are awesome. Thank you for all that you do.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Questions sponsors by I have a question how do I
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: deal with a sense of shame and conflicting values. I
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: was raised very conservatively in a religious immigrant household. I
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: have never ever seen my parents kiss, and I'm thirty
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: years old. I'm also a male for context. Needless to say,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: certain values have been ingrained into me from my upbringing,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: but these are not actually my own personal values. I'm
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: a fairly liberal person, pro lgbt Q plus and generally
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: believe in accepting everyone as they are. The problem is
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I cannot be this open and accepting with myself. For example,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: a group of friends and I went to a burlesque
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: show and it was great. However, the next day I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: felt this immense, illogical sense of shame. I take my
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: thoughts to court. This is one of my favorite things
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I've learned on your show, which usually works for intrusive thoughts,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: but when it comes to shame, it just doesn't seem
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: to work. Because you d that will catch up to you.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: You know that shit's wrong, you know what you did.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: The same sense of shame happens after I have sex
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: with a partner, especially if it got a bit kinky.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: The next day, I'll have that stupid sense of shame.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Part of it is that it feels like I'm just
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: wired to equate pleasure with shame, no matter what I
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: try to do to break that connection. These are not
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  Speaker 1: my values, but my values came from a shitty upbringing.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I've been seeing my awesome therapist for three years now,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: but this is somewhere I struggle. Do you have any suggestions,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Thanks Anonymous.
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: I have a suggestion, but I'm gonna let everybody put
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: a couple of first.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I feel like it might not be an opening suggestion.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: We'll see, but I like it though.
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, oh my goodness, the religion and shame around texts,
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: so because I mean, the writer says, it feels like
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: I'm just wired to equate pleasure with shame, and you
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: kind of were I mean in my opinion, and I'm
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: trying not to overgeneralize, but uh, at least my experience
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: with Christianity, and uh, I'm sure other religions, but my
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: only experiences with Christianity, and I feel like they do
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: kind of wire you that way. That's something I remember
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: in college, going to a Baptist university. I remember talking
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: with friends who were saving themselves for marriage and they would.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: And their mentality.
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: Was, yeah, I just can't like kind of like I'm
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: ex I did for when it happens and I can't
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: wait and all this stuff, but also the the fear
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: and worry of like how do you flip that switch
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: from shut down?
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Never have an impure thought in your life to enjoy
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: something good? Yeah, all you can buffet as Jesus.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: And you're gonna have just release the Hebrew. Yeah exactly.
• 6:27
  Speaker 6: There was a lot more of that that throat that
• 6:30
  Speaker 6: a lot of those.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Should we just start over? I think we should probably
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: start over.
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: That's what Jesus say.
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: I had two thoughts with with this question, and the
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: first thought was, uh, kind of like, I wonder what
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: the writer's current relationship with religion is, because what I
• 6:59
  Speaker 5: see sometimes is when people become more have more of
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: that desire to be more experimental, like break free or
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: break away from those values that comes with religion or Christianity.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: I guess they didn't say Christianity. How they just said religion.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: I think that it can be a challenge to really
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: separate that if you still have fondness for the religion.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: It's like, oh, well, my family's still religious and I
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: love them and it doesn't have to be all bad.
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: And I'm not saying to say religion is bad, but
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: I do think that keeps a tie kind of there, like, well,
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: if that's not bad, then it was okay that I
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: was like shamed about my sexual desires or sexuality or
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: whatever's going on there. It kind of gives it legitimacy
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: still time my thoughts, Oh.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and what's really tough? So like I just want
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: to first echo evangelical fucking sex shame, like that shit
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: we grew up with NonStop.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Used to be in a band called even Goal Sex.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: What was that ass fucking band that we found that?
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Like that? There was the time my mom was here
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: on an episode and you found something weird Christian band
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: it was? That was the trivia.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Was Christian band names or something else?
• 8:15
  Speaker 6: Something like it was something like holy hands.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: No, it was like sex weird, something weird. I gotta
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: find that it was really really fucking you love with
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: your Holy hand something like that. I think that was it.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: That was it give or take, But like evangelical, like.
• 8:32
  Speaker 6: What Jesus masturbates like this? You all know what I'm doing.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Stop in the show. Just let's be down.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: This is why we can't go on twitch.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: You know what.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: The problem? So no, but that is a I just
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: stay off camera. Yeah, prebay for the best and uh
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: and like I remember, but when one of the things
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I think is really difficult about that is even if
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: you change your religious views, that doesn't undo any childhood
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: sexual trauma or values imprinting you have.
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: Like in most cases, you have decades of conditioning.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: It's programming.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: It's funny because so.
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: And we talk about that with like cults and ship
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: and yeah, it's the same language.
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: Yes, it's the same thing like your condition condition.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: I had personal training right before we were recording tonight
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: on the way.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I was and you're really good at audio stuff.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I was talking to my sister on and we
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: were talking about we got she's got with her business.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: She's going into like doing a lot more social media stuff,
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: and so I'm like, oh, we need to collaborate because
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of content that she is putting out
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: that I think actually fits really well with what we're
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: doing and in mental health. So anyway, that's coming down
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: the road for some deep dives.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: But I answered the question. But anyway, No, what we were.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: Talking about was just she brought up some interesting things
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: that I hadn't really considered as far as like just
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: things that we went through as children that now to
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: this day still affect it. It affects us My sister
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: will not sing in front of anybody, will not sing,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: and it all kind of boils down to one incident
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: when she was younger.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, and.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I had never known that, but I kind of was
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: thinking about it. I've become a lot more aware of
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: how my mom's social anxiety has shaped my behavior around
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: other people because I'm always like, my biggest fear in
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: social situations is that I'm an inconvenience to somebody or
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: that I'm in the way. That's always my biggest fear.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: And I realize, like how I was taught that at
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: a young age, you know, and so but it's still
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: even though now, like even though I understand that.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: Your parents take you to parties, like like adult parties
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: and duty. Sorry, I have two questions parties and your
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: parents like you do adult party No, no, nothing quite
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: like that. But so you were like like you were
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: like actually in the way as a kid.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: No, I was getting yelled at.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: But like usually but not but like at Walmart like
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: things like that, where it's just like just like yeah,
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: like yeah, yeah, you're in the way, get out of
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: the way. People are trying to be like you know,
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: just like a.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Lot of that. Yeah, you're just a kid, a kid
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: who's just bumbling through. And then it's like, oh, what
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: are you doing out You're you're annoying that the people,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: and I'm so sorry.
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I learned very quickly that like, like, no,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: you need to be there's a lot of busy people.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: People are doing a lot of really import people, and
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: you need.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: To stay out of the way, don't bother especially at
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Walmart and.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: So like even today, like I realized, like, oh yeah,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: I do that all the time, and now it bothers
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: me when other people don't know that they're in my way.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Like that time when you kill everybody, like with fantasy
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: because of the shopping cart one day. Yeah, you have
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: a lot of shopping. It's interesting. But yeah, even if
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: you change your outlook or your location, even if you
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: have reached a place where you no longer concur with
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: those religious views, the imprints that you've gone through, they
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: stick to you. And like I want hundred percent relate
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: to the writer, Like I think that same kind of
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: thing of like spending your entire young you know, teenage
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: years and my early adulthood absolutely convinced and like evangelical
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Christianity when I was growing up in it, at least
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: my flavor of it that I grew up in. Man,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: you could do almost anything, and that would be better
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: than if you had sex. Like there were people up
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: there talking about like drug dealer, but now Jesus saving
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and people are like, that's such a great story. I
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: was a gang banger. I killed a man, like nobody
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: gives a ship. But if you were a team and
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't have before marriage, that was the girls would
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: in our church, girl, well in our church, it wasn't
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: like that. In our church, the girls were protected and
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: the boys were bad and it was objects. Well, yeah,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I'm humanizing for them, for sure.
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: They are a special object to be held apart until
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: until they get there.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: They are to be gotten. And like the boys them
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: and like they'll don't talk to the boys. The boys
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: all want one thing. It's like you raised us in
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: this church, like we're all little boys, and it's like, no,
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: you're all perverts. And like being told yeah, exactly from
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: like a really young agee you've got these desires in you.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: They're going to spring to life one day and you're
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: just gonna be a fucking rapist. And like it was awful.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: And then if you were a couple or anything like
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: and you you did have sex and the youth leaders
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: found out about it, they would fucking publicly ostrous.
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: It was I remember this happening two people when I
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: was when I was like twelve and thirteen years old,
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: I would see this happen in school. I think by
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: the time I would seeing this happening. I wasn't going
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: to church very much. I was probably a little older
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: than twelve or thirteen. Actually, now i'm thinking about it,
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: I might have been like middle school or young high school.
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: But I would see this happen in school and people
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: coming in, like they would be boyfriend and girlfriend on Tuesday,
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: and then on Wednesday they'd be in and talking about
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: how like the youth pastor said they needed to spend
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: time apart part and like all of these things, and
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: she would be the girl would be one hundred thousand
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: million percent slut shamed.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: By her church. Oh wow. And it was. It was
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: so upsetting. It was horrible. It's terrible. And then you
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: develop a complex. Yeah, of course you do. I spent
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: a lot of my twenties really struggling with that.
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: And like people who are fucked up from this ship
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: when they were a kid, of course.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: You're fucked up from this ship.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: It like I was hardly in it, and I'm fucked
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: up from this ship. Like it's easy to get fucked
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: up from this. This is not this is not a
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: weird thing to be fucked up by. This is a
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: reasonable thing. Is that literally, people have been crafting for
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: thousands of years to make you feel shitty and it works.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: Control, yeah, it was.
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: That is my control, and it is thousands of years
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: of work to make you feel like a garbage person
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: and that works.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: And then what's really tough about it having a week
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: where I'm not happy with religion this week, I.
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: Should say that, Yeah, it's not just it's not just
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: this show. I'm having a rough time with religion this week. Well,
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: I'm not happy with it in general.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: Questions like this bring it to the forefront. But then
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: it's tough because I think unlearning that writer, you're doing
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: some good strategies like taking the thought to court, right,
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: because like what cognitivehvioral therapy wants us to do is
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: identify the meaning we're attaching to these things and question
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: that and try to unravel it. But it's tough when
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: it's this visceral like emotional connection and like shame is
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: a tough son of a bit.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: It doesn't it doesn't surprise me that the technique of
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: taking the thoughts to court is not working in this particular.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Situation that's very cognitive, yes, and it's not.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the this isn't a logical issue it's yeah, like
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: a musological solution to an illogical issue.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Ye, exactly, this is this is an emotional thing that
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: you're feeling, and then you're trying to explain the emotion, right,
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: and so I think that's why this isn't working. Yeah, no,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: I I think maybe another thing to take a look
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: at that.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: There's that too. Jesus is upset and I'm just kind
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: of cute as Oh god, I'm just curious.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Writer if the advice that you we don't know the writer's.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Age, do we wait? Thirty thirty?
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, so if you could go back and talk to
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: you at fifteen years old, what kind of advice would
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: the thirty year old give your or fifteen like?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: That's yeah, I would.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: I would think about that. Maybe even if you're into journaling,
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: write about it, like actually write write a letter to
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: your fifteen year old self. What are the things that
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: you would tell that person?
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, or even imagine them they're like I really love
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: the empty chair. Yeah, true stuff like just picture yourself
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: as best you can, like and you're talking to them
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: like they're your own child almost.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: I think that's I think that's step one. I think
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: what I would do for Step two is imagine in
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: that fifteen years from fifteen to thirty the progress that
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: you've made and how you've changed, and how your philosophy
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: is different. If that trajectory were to continue for another
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: fifteen years, what do you think it would be like
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: to talk to you at forty five? Like, what kind
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: of advice do you think your future self would give you?
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: If your future self at forty five years old is
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: to write a letter back to you today addressing the
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: stuff that you're going through right now, what kind of
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: advice would that person give you? I would do the
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: fifteen you know, write your letter to that fifteen year
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: old self first, really kind of think about that process it,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: reread it a couple times, and then do the other one.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: This is not like the same day.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, this is like months apart.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: There you go, okay, yeah, And I think you're right.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Trauma work that's how you start to chip away at this.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I mean you can't. I think that these are fine
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: initial techniques writer where we're saying, hey, let me question
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: this thought, let me remind myself, do self soothing techniques.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: You have to do some of that, But I think
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: the trauma work is ultimately what we need to do
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: to try to weasel out like the splinter in your
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: brain that's associated.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: That's very helpful to kind of yeah, weed through that.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: That's a good point.
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: I had one other thought, and I want to say
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: it before Jacob gives his input, because I wonder if
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: I might be teetering into the territory he's going to
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: go too.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: But I could you wrong? This is funny because I
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: just got a bet.
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: No, okay, I just had a conversation yesterday, floated the
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: call it not float kayak to the Colorado.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Road, meaning to schedule that. Did you the Emerald bay?
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Or did?
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: But we didn't make it there in time to see
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: a b emerald like the sun was just past the
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: mountain that blocks it because it's in a canyon.
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: Anyway, one thing that I really want to do, so
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: uh is do that do the Colorado My mom a
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: few years ago did got in with a company that
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: goes all through the Grand Canyon. So you start above
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: the Grand Canyon and you you both. It takes two weeks,
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: but it's like, uh, lamping and all this stuff. So
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: they have they have a fast boat that goes ahead
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: of you, so you get to the camp site.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: The campsite is all set up that is rich people.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, but it's not crazy. It's like it's like
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: a couple of grand for two weeks.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So Nick could probably pay for that. Nick could pay
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: for that. Let's do the game the aviator sushi, take
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: a limo to the airport, fly into the small private
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: grand canyon. Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: The Colorado River stuff is stuff that I really want
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: to do.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: You no, it's great, it is.
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: It's amazing because just really quick along the way there
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: is like the gold Strike Hawks Hot Springs.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: You stop in, you get.
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: You'd get dropped off right at the base of Hoover Dam.
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: It's like an incredible experience just that in itself. And
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: then you go onto like Arizona Hot Springs, and there's
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: tons of stops along the way you could stop at.
• 20:23
  Speaker 5: But because we end like ten a little over ten
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: miles down the road down the river, it's like.
• 20:29
  Speaker 6: We kind of have to truck it a little bit.
• 20:31
  Speaker 5: You're trucking a little bit, like oh, sort that definitely sore,
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: but can't.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Be fish and motor.
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah right, so uh, anyway, so that's what I did yesterday.
• 20:45
  Speaker 5: But I was with a group of friends, and one
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: of them we actually after maybe some chocolate bars with
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: some special things mixed into it, were lots of peanut butter.
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: After that was consumed. Early on today, we were chat
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: about about sexual repression. Actually, and so I made a
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: joke about one of the people we were with like
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: being sexually pressed because of religion.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: A bunch of girls having a river boat.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: It was no.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: So the the person I'm talking with this is a gamel.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I brought a pillow. Anybody else bring pillows? Stop it.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Of course we did.
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: Know both men, so one being a guy, I brought
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: a pillow.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Anybody else bring a pillow. I don't usually watch these ones,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: but all.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Right, so one is it's not true.
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: I watched them all the time, Hispanic gay man who
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: grew up Catholic.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: By the way, if I gave across a porn shadow,
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: that was just dudes pillow fighting.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I'd watch that for hours. Why not? Yeah, yeah, just
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: keep swiping my guard no mine, let's go gladiators.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I got no.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I got no beef with that at all. I don't
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: know where she's going with the stoor. Where's the beef?
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: It's really helping?
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: So the the one guy on our trip, gay man
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: grew or Hispanic gay man grew up in Catholicism, like
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: heavy Catholicism.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: He uh.
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: We were talking about someone else on the trip and
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: they were like, yeah, I was sexually repressed, like due
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: to religion. And they were like yeah, hello, like gay
• 22:12
  Speaker 5: man grew up in Catholicism, and I was like, oh, absolutely,
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: he goes. We were told I thought about the podcast
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: because he goes. We were told that, you know, to
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: avoid losing your virginity as a hetero couple when you're young,
• 22:24
  Speaker 5: like oh butt sex is okay, but you know you're
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: a gay man not okay, all right, but sex there.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: If you're gay dude couple, God cannot see your asshole.
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: If you're a gay couple, God only cares about your
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: ass exactly.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: It all makes sense exactly.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: It was like, damn, that's so real.
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: But he talked about his way of kind of uh
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: pushing back against that or coping. I guess they actually
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: went the other and we're just like, yeah, just throw
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: yourself in that and kind of like really pushed through
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: those barriers of uh, like.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: He didn't go to details expose yourself.
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: Like desensitizing almost and the writer mentioned like, that's like I.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: Think I'm tickling.
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: I'm going to tickle because I know Jay, but I
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: feel like this isn't a bad route to go. It's
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: like some people I do let's especially where God can't see.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Very blind.
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: But I thought that was really interesting and then getting
• 23:32
  Speaker 5: this question and I was like, oh my gosh, we
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: were just talking about this and I wouldn't have naturally
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: gone that direction, but to hear someone else share that
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: that was a really great experience for them and long,
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: not overnight, but you know, over time, just really trying
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: to embrace like kink and experimenting and kind of putting
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: yourself in some I'm using this loosely like uncomfortable situations,
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: not so much like you want to be comfortable with
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: your partner, but things that you notice shame is the
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: root of the discomfort. Interesting, like trying to push through
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: some of those and kind of getting desensitized them.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Did you know that at the aa se c T,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: which is like some acron for the sex conference, Yeah,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: they have a whole workshop just for therapists to desensitize themselves.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: And it's like it's basically showing a bunch of different
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: kinds of porn. But it's like through and how do you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: How do you become a guest speaker to sit in
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: the back.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: My name is Jacob Smith, and I'm here to teach
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: you every I will desensitize you. So what is your
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: suggestion here?
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: My suggestion is kind of branching off a little bit
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: with Whitney there, because you mentioned you didn't get into
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: these specifics obviously, but you mentioned a little bit of
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: kinky uh what what you call kinky sex, whatever that
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: means to you, And and you mentioned that shame is
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: kind of tied in with pleasure for you.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And I mean this sounds like I'm making a joke
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: and I'm really not.
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: Maybe explore a little bit of that kink pleasure shame world,
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: you know, maybe maybe explore a little bit of that
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: BDSM world. I mean, there is a reason that people
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: get into this stuff, and a lot of what you're
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: talking about is a lot of the sighted reasons for
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: a lot of these things. Yeah, And so I would,
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: And I think that it's healthy, I really do, because
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: you're taking something that.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Right now brings you discomfort, It brings you a.
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: Shame that you don't appreciate and you're taking that. My
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: thought on this is that you would be taking that
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: and kind of doing a little one eighty on that
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: and accepting and being proud that that is where a
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: piece of your pleasure comes from and kind of waving
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: that flag.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: With it a little bit.
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: You know, it is like you know, I'm I'm gonna
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: feel a little bad about this later at the same
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: time that's a little great, yeah, like or just.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: Changing your thoughts around that, like, yeah, I think that's important.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly what it will do, right, I.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Like this feels good and like letting that thought when.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Nothing's wrong about this. No, I love that suggestion. Yeah,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: I think there's a lot to this.
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: Well have you say consenting and all this stuff, and
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: you want partners that are that are on board with this.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: But yeah, whether it's stretching your appetites or whether it's
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: you know, just engaging in sects in this intentional way
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: that is not just accidental and then dealing with the
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: emotional hangover afterward, but sort of approaching sexuality with this
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: intention where you're telling yourself and there's like a little
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: bit of a pregame pep talk of like what I'm
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: doing is is good. There's nothing wrong with this, there's
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: no shame in this. This is beautiful, this is fun
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: and it's okay. And like doing that self talk, you know.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: And also I think that being able to talk it
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: out with other people. I love that the writer has
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: a therapist, that this is something that's been discussed. I
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: really think that kind of stuff has to be worked through.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: But writer, I would encourage talk to your therapist about, hey,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: you know, do you have any recommendations for trauma work.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: A lot of times we sweep this under the rug
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: because it just feels like a cultural thing. Yeah, But honestly,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: like like you look at other things that you could
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: inherit from culture, like chauvinism. A lot of cultures are
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: just masculine dominated. They're taught this is the way it is.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: You grow out of that. You look around the world.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: You say, no, as writer did, my personal values do
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: not align with that way of thinking. I want equality
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: in my relationships. I want to treat you know, my
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: female friends, you know, equally, things like that. But then
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: you find that you just naturally don't or like you
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: have natural ways, and you have to resist that. And
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I think exposure having a lot of female friends and
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: working through those things, talking with them about it and saying, hey,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I struggle with this sometimes. If I ever come off
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: that way, please challenge me, because I'm trying to grow
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: through this. That kind of work, you know, I think
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: goes a long way. But also breaking down the memories
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: and really that's what trauma work is is unfolding where
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: I learned that meaning where I learned that message. That's
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: how I think we start to loosen the grip on
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: this thing.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Now. I will say, you know, just to kind of
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: play Devil's advocate here for a second.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: It's hot. I like it when you do that.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: I like the idea of, yeah, getting outside your comfort zone,
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: experiencing things and to the best of your ability, non judgmentally,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: like just kind of non judgmental awareness or you're just like, oh,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: I you know, I'm I feel uncomfortable or slightly uncomfortable
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: with this, but you know, I deal with it whatever.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: But it's also okay.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: It's okay to be uncomfortable with things too, you know,
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: and you know, to just kind of understand that, like
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: you can try, you can, you know, just be yourself
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: and you know, if it's shame, I think that's one thing,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: you know, if it's just something that's like I just
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: don't feel comfortable with this. Sure, don't feel like you
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: got to continue it? No, you know, yeah, yeah, that's
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: just where you're at, and that's there's nothing wrong with that.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: And I guess that's kind of again where the non
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: judgmental piece, non judgment piece comes into play, which is
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: just like, Okay, this kind of makes me feel this way, right.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: It's neither good nor bad, right, it just is I
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: just feel it, and we just that's how it is,
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: and it and.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: Just from the letter with with you know, taking the
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: thoughts the trial and everything, I'm I'm kind of supposing,
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: I'm assuming, I think that that the writer is a
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: very logical person, you know, kind of a you know,
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: an X y Z type, just a real what's the
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: what's the word I'm looking for?
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Anal? That's it. It's always it. How did you not
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: think of that, Jacob? Analytic? That's what I said.
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the writer sounds like a very analytical person.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: And so I'm I'm betting that that they might be
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: able to kind of get ahead of this in their
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: own head a little bit.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: With some of these techniques. I like that.
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: What I liked about Nick's suggestion is almost like maybe
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: trying to better identify those feelings to sit in them,
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: and it doesn't just have to be shame, but maybe.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: Pull out the wheel of feel. You call it a
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: feeling wheel.
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: I say, yeah, pull that out and maybe take a
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: gander at that after you have an experience where you're like, man,
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: I'm carrying a lot of shame after the fact, let
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: me just poke around and see is there anything else
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: that's sticking out here? And I you know, because sometimes
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: just bringing those up does help you sit with it
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: and it doesn't have to weigh so heavy on like
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: shame and I'm a bad person, but like, maybe there's
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: something else going on there.
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: Wheel feel, pull out the anal beads, pull out whatever
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: you need to pull out.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: You can wheel of feel in the anal.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Make sure there's a flared base.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, don't you don't want to end the night with
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: an ambulance drip.
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: They just slipped and fell.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Great question. As long as it's flared base, and then you know,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: but if it's like you probably want to have it
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: hot glued first. But we are going to take a
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: quick break and when we come back, we are discussing
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: who am I? You're listening to pod therapy.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Today's episode is to you buy Smitty Scoop, Mayson Miller,
• 31:02
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• 31:10
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• 31:13
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• 31:21
  Speaker 4: Are you feeling vaguely something like your plants are judging you?
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: Or maybe you just saw a pigeon and it felt
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: too significant?
• 31:30
  Speaker 6: Then you need better help?
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Hmmm, what's better help?
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: With better help, you can text, chat or video call
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: with a mental health provider.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: From your own home.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: Our algorithm will expertly match you with someone who has
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: definitely heard of feelings before and is or was at
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: some point probably a licensed therapist.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: I love how convenient it is.
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: I can be in my pajamas finally confront my fear
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: of flying and get completely unrelated targeted ads from every
• 32:00
  Speaker 5: major airline on my social media.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And if you don't click with your therapist, no problem.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: You can swipe away and get someone new, just like
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: a dating app. Better Help is sort of like Tumblr,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: except one is a predatory tech company monetizing human loneliness,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: and the other can get you laid.
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: Try Better Help. We pay therapist starvation wages, so you
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: can pay the exact same amount as if you had
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: just found your therapist on psychology today.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Who I oh, but what if I'm feeling suicidal? Not
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: a problem at Better Help.
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: We have a special don't fuck yourself program for anyone
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: who is actually struggling with serious challenges.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: We just blocked your account and send you on your way.
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: Better Help ghosted me when I got too sad, so
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: now I don't.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Get sad anymore.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Better Help sent me ten dollars as part of a
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: settlement with the Federal Trade Commission for selling the data
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: from my sessions to third party advertisers. Now I've got
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: ten dollars.
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: Better Help the free market result of the federal government's
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: failing to publish insurance.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm going to start that over. Better Help, the
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: free market result of.
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: The federal government failing to punish insurance companies for violating
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: mental health parody laws almost got through it.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: The previous it was a parody. Better Help was not
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: involved with this podcast. Don't sue us. I was losing
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: my ship because he is way too good. I immediately
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: went into full announcer voice. No you Nick, you wrote
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: it right. I didn't write it. No, I wrote it.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: You wrote it.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I thought it was well written, Thank you, thank you,
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: oh man, that was solid. Don't sue us, all right?
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: Next question, I think if you say don't, then they can't.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: I think I think they asked I got this. Yeah,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: please don't sue us.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: There.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: It is so kind.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: There it is, and if you use better help whatever,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: don't care. It's fine. They're big enough they could take
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: a few shots in the johnt Who am I? Hey?
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Pod therapy people, I pronouns or she and her am
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: listening to your show for a while. But this is
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: my first time writing in English is not my native language,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: so I hope what I'm typing is gonna make sense.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Please feel free to adjust or shorten if necessary. So far,
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: A you're doing great? So far? About me in a
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: few sentences, I turned thirty nine this year, am happily married,
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: and our son will turn six in April. I have
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: good friends and an interesting job that I learn a
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: lot in given all this, I should consider myself lucky,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: and most of the time I do. But of course
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: there is a reason I'm writing in. I had a
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: happy home during my childhood, but school has been hell.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: If if it was it was an outsider. Most of
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: my school life, I was an outsider. I was. I
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: was an outsider most of my school life and only
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: escaped after I graduated. Which is a problem for me
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: is I have no friends from my youth. My friends
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I do mostly know about my ex boyfriend. I'm just
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: gonna read the whole sentence. We'll decode it me my friends,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: I do mostly know about my ex boyfriend, with whom
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: I managed to stay friends as well.
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: I think it's I think her friends, uh were friends
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: with her friends with that we're friends with their acts
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: usual friends.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: There you go. As I've broken up with him many
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: years ago, they could have easily taken his side, but
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: they stayed with me as well, so I could assume
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: they do actually like me. Still, I'm always fearful that
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: they might not even know me, especially since after most
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: of us have families, we don't find too much time
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: to meet up. Furthermore, I feel like I don't even
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: know who I am anymore and who I just pretend
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: to be so people like me. I don't find any
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: style fitting me and would like to investigate if my
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: behavior is really part of my personality or if I
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: might just be people pleasing. Sorry for the long text,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: hope it makes sense. Thanks for all you do, Anonymous.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: It does make sense. It makes perfect sense. Easy summary
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: in case the listeners if I chopped it up a
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: little too much. The writer's talking about feeling lonely, trying
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: to make friends, but feeling or fearing that they're sort
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: of masking and creating a fact odd to win approval
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: because the people that really might know who this writer
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: is are from a long time ago lost touch with them.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: And then there are some mutual friends with like an
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: old boyfriend, but maybe those are also not authentic anymore.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: This is very common.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: I think you were.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: I think the writer is expressing a reality for a
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: lot of people here, so relatable.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this is really good.
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: We always My opinion is every decade at least we
• 36:25
  Speaker 5: go through a shift and change. That's why typically a
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: lot of relationship advice I give is based on changing
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: and growing together. But with friendships it's a little bit
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: trickier because you're all living in your own lives and
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: you have a lot going on. So the writer describes
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: that really well, saying, Oh, my friends all have their families,
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: I have mine, and you probably have gone through a
• 36:45
  Speaker 5: lot of changes. Y'all are going to be different humans
• 36:48
  Speaker 5: than maybe when you were like a decade before or whatnot,
• 36:52
  Speaker 5: So that feeling is super valid. How to adjust for that,
• 36:56
  Speaker 5: I think, first of all, kind of reminding yourself that
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: you aren't alone. Your friends might be feeling very similarly, like, sure,
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: I'm a mom, Now what does that mean?
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: Who am I?
• 37:06
  Speaker 6: Like?
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: Those are huge life transitions. Oh yeah, to sort of
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: process and work through on top of still trying to
• 37:13
  Speaker 5: focus on your kid and like be a good present parent.
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: Like I have so many friends that have children and
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: then like will go out, you know, when their kids
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: are a year or too old, and and they just
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: say they just say almost this verbatim, but it's from
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: a different perspective, and they just say all the time,
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: you know, I feel like I'm just out of I'm
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: out of the scene.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on anymore.
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: I feel like these people who I have been friends
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: with for all this time they don't know me anymore
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: because I have a kid now and I'm doing kid things,
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think this is a reality for a whole
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: lot of people.
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And I think as a friend without children having
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: friends with children, looking back, there is a time where
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: you are disconnected from sure, those friends who have kids.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: And you're focused on this kid that you just.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: Make exactly what's yeah, exactly.
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: At the time, it maybe felt bad in quotes like
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: oh this is a bad thing. Look, I'm not prioritizing
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: my friendship, or I feel like I don't know them
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: or know how to connect with them. But I do
• 38:15
  Speaker 5: think with most of my really good friends, you kind
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: of get through that, and maybe there is a separation
• 38:21
  Speaker 5: for a time and maybe you question that in the moment.
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: But being older now looking back, you know their kids
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: are all like teenagers and stuff now, But when they
• 38:29
  Speaker 5: were in the thick of it, those early years, you know,
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: zero to like ten especially, those are busy years, and
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: you really can't maintain friendships and family.
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: In my very well, zero to three, like zero to
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: three or four, like before the kid can really communicate,
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: before you can leave them alone. That was the most
• 38:47
  Speaker 4: You're just responsible for their safety, like their main jobs alive,
• 38:52
  Speaker 4: keep them alive, make them gain weight. Like that's it, right, Yeah,
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: I mean it's it's a real thing for sure.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, question on this issue of authenticity. And I don't
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: know if any of y'all relate to this, but this
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: is something that I was reading it. I was thinking, oh, man,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: I hit this so hard. Have you ever made different
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: groups of friends and they're like each group, it's a
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: different version of you that kind of gets a little
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: bit more emphasized in that group.
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: I have a nicknames based on when I met different friends,
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: and the different names for me based on when I
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: met them. Like, there's probably fifty people out there.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: That call me Rambo of all things.
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because the first day on this gig, I was
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: wearing camo pants.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: That'll do it.
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: That's it, that's it, that's the entire story.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: But I was the cameo pants guy that first day.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: So they're like Rambo this guy.
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And so there's like fifty people that just called
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: me Rambo when I have a very different relationship with
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: those people that I do with people that I met
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: twenty years later.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: But like in like even even current relationships that you've
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: even met contemporaneously. It's interesting how like your work friends
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: you interact with a certain way, and then there's like
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: the friends of your spouse, and there's like people that
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: you grew up with and whatever. But like if you
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: ever try to cross polony between those groups. We ever
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: had that weird moment. I remember inviting Nick over to
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: my house when we were still co workers, long long
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: time ago. Well, because of what happened, it's never happened
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: again again. I we we were coworkers at one of
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: the rehabs. McGregor, the fucker.
• 40:26
  Speaker 6: This is the story of Jim's kids.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a dark room. I think I'm the dad.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: So Nick comes over and it's a we're having like
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: fantasy football. So I had an open spot. The league
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: I'm in. Everybody I grew up with, went to college with.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Everybody fucking knows each other. It's just fuck around exactly
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: like bullshit nicknames, you know. So Nick is my coworker
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: at the time, and we're friendly enough, but not like
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: you know, flirt with each other friendly, you know at yell,
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: get you a beer, you know, rubbed my chest, your face.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: So then he comes over, we're shooting pool, we're getting
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: ready to draft and one of my buddies just knocks
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: me over the fucking table and starts dry humping me right,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: Like this is weird, but it's weird that my coworkers
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: staring at me.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: It's just like wide on the corner making eye contact.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: He grabs my ankles, throws me on the table. It
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: just starts throwing into me, and I'm like, Garrett, like
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: this is like an He's also a therapist and a
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: nice guy. He likes to play golf. Anyway, your shot odd.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: Just it's very clear. It wasn't the first.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Time pictures over this.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: But yeah, when you try to cross pollinate friend groups,
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: like you ever feel like does anybody relate to that?
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: In my head?
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: I'll have every now and then you do like it's
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: such a it's such a little thing. But every now
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: and then somebody had absent will come up to me
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: and be like, hey, I listen to what are your podcasts? Yeah?
• 41:59
  Speaker 6: Ship, I was all said to not have this conversation.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: They have to have this conversation, no, for sure, Like
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: I are you guys.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: Friends with people that you went to high school with
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: or friends with a lot of people that you went
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: to high school with not many like how many how
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: many were at the.
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: Top of my head for sure, one, two, three, three
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: at least.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, two or three? Yeah, okay, yeah, I.
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: Like I'm entering into college, I would say four.
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: I've got like one or two from high school that
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: I still kind of keep in touch with.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: I and a few in college, a few in college.
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: But yeah, my relationship with them is totally different my
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: relationship with yourself.
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: They had seen everything.
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: It's not even being oneself. It's it's being the self
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: that you were in nineteen ninety six, it's being the
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: self that you were in two thousand and two.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: It's it's like, it's all these things.
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: You just have different memories, You have different interactions with
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: people over the year. Like I have college friends that
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: I've known for you know, twenty some odd here.
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: That's true, very nostalgic.
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And like with those people, I get like there
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: is a sense of just being oneself with those people,
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: but there is also just goofy, that's it. There is
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: just also like a like I've just known you a
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: long time, who the fuck cares?
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, but that doesn't translate to everybody, And like.
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: We know we've all moved where none of us live
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: in the place that we grew up in.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: Right exactly.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: I think that has it has something to do with it.
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: I think it's that's difficult though, I mean, not many
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: people keep I've realized this meeting with clients. Not many
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: people keep good friends from high school and actually feel
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: bad for really the younger like twenty five and under
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: like don't.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: Is that a result of where you live though?
• 43:42
  Speaker 4: Is that a result of Vegas being kind of a
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: transient town or is that do you think? I have
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: no idea, what I know I know is that Vegas
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: being kind of a transient.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: Town or is that more common? I don't think across
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: the country. That's probably part of it, because I do
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: think that the relationships are much looser, and I'm noticing
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: in the younger generation it is. I mean, and again
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: it might be just anecdotal, but they are all just acquaintances. Yeah,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: there's not these deep these kinds because they meet in
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: so many other ways now, yeah, right, they have techno relationships.
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: Do you hear this sometimes?
• 44:13
  Speaker 5: Like I had a client once who was from like
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: the Midwest, and they were like, oh, my friends from
• 44:20
  Speaker 5: back home, and they were really young, like twenty twenty one,
• 44:22
  Speaker 5: but so their high school friend, they're like, yeah, I've
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: been trying to reach out and they just like don't
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: reach out back. It's a lot of like apathy and
• 44:29
  Speaker 5: friendships or maybe they're doing They're like, oh, they have
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: their boyfriend, they just hang out with them, and I
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: don't know. It makes me kind of sad for them
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: that they feel like, hey, I've reached out a few
• 44:38
  Speaker 5: times and they just don't respond. So I just stopped
• 44:40
  Speaker 5: reaching out. And I don't know, I just feel for them.
• 44:43
  Speaker 5: I don't know what's going on exactly. It could be
• 44:45
  Speaker 5: some like movement there.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: In regional I think matters too, this question of like
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: how do we authentically be ourselves in friendship versus what
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: the writer is afraid of? Am I masking and my
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: people pleasing? Is that a fake version of me? I
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: struggle with that because in every sphere of my life
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: there's a different version of me that's presenting, like the
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: friends I'm trying to make. Like when you go to
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: you an LV and you teach right, and like there's
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: a I'm goofy for a teacher that's a little bit
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: more outgoing, but like not pod therapy, Jim Jesus fucking Christ,
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: you know. And I'm terrified that the students will find it.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: I know some of you focks did, and I've told
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: you to stop listening to this shit. It's not good
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: for you. Also, that goes double for all the patients.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: But like that's another one which actually the other day,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: so I was in a session. I shouldn't tell the story,
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: but I fuck it, I'm going to. And this person
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, you know, I'm really concerned my young
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: adult son, he's in his early twenties. I think he's
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: gonna marry his girlfriend because she's like really religious and
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: he wants to have sex with her. And they just
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: announced they're getting married like in two weeks, like in
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: early April. And I was like, oh no, and it's
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: like she's really religious. He goes yeah. I was like, look,
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: I think they can at least wait until after April,
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: and he goes why, and I was like, well, you
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: should sit them down and explain it's only right that
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: Jesus comes before they do. Yes. And luckily this person
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: listens to the show. I know you're capable of this.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: That's We're cool and I was like, man, that was
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: a huge creative risk. Yes, I would have.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: Loved to have been that patient, and I would have
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: just not said anything.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: Just sit there staring at the Lord. Jesus Christ does
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: not think that is funny, Like I gotta think he does.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: Do you know how he masturbates Lord?
• 46:34
  Speaker 6: But Yeah, the issue I'm going to keep jacket being.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: The authentic version of yourself and your friendships, right, or
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: part of me thinks. I guess part of me wants
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: to normalize what you're feeling and also kind of legitimize it.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Like I kind of feel expressing a different version of
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: myself to different groups of people is not me being
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: fake in some ways, it's me giving me permission to
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: experience certain parts of myself. I can be silly, asked,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: Jim with pod therapy can be more serious. Jim with students,
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: I can be, you know, a different kind of guy.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: Just when I go out with and like he introduces
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: me to a friend and now we're just watching hockey.
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: Together and it's like, okay, getting dry humped in the car.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean that happens at my house. That is
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: not dry it started, it's wet humping. I think there's
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: something legitimate about that. I don't know. It sounds so
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: much worse when you say wet. Yeah it does. I'll
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: get wet humped at a quarter. It sounds like a
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: wet beef sandwich and like a Chicago about.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: It doesn't sound like a wet beef sandwich to you.
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: Sounds like a sandwich. Yeah.
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: I love all the band names. I also sandwich.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: With the Jardine Peppers.
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: My last thing.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: I have for.
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: The last thing I was gonna say, was that, I
• 48:04
  Speaker 5: mean we've mentioned this on as like an option before
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: on the podcast, but I think really kind of sitting
• 48:12
  Speaker 5: with who do you want to be? Like, maybe sit
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: down and make a little list, like what really feels
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: like yourself? It kind of like brainstorming, like let me
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: just throw it all down. That doesn't mean that's definitely
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: you don't put a lot of pressure on it.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: But maybe meditation perhaps I.
• 48:35
  Speaker 5: Feel like with anxiety, it swirls around in our heads
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: so much. And maybe just because I'm a visual person,
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: I like just physically writing things down and seeing them,
• 48:43
  Speaker 5: so maybe that's why I go there. But to me,
• 48:46
  Speaker 5: it kind of makes it more real and tangible, and
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: it kind of makes you think when you read back
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: through it, Oh, that's a silly like, that's.
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: Not really me.
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: Let me cross that out. It's like saying it out loud.
• 48:55
  Speaker 5: And then other things. Yeah, I really gravitate toward that.
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: Maybe I'll explore that more. Like it can be a
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: personal style. It can be a new way to do
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: your makeup, if you do your makeup. It can be
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: do I want to try cooking? Like, I don't know what.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: You're trying on the personality you're trying. This is a
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: good iteration of me. And sometimes groups of friends bring
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: out certain versions of you. Yeah, and that's nice too.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: And then like other friends, like I don't even recognize
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: you anymore, Whitney, you're all stuck ups and started hanging
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: out the coffee Jim.
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: Oh, and I want to build on something Jim just said.
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: It's not only is it this a good iterration of me?
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: Is this a comfortable iteration of me? Do I feel
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: good in this type of me? I mean, we're always
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: just that is our journey. We're always looking for that.
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: We're always looking for you know what, what version of
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: me is the most comfortable. I was out with my
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: wife last night and we were we went and saw
• 49:42
  Speaker 4: a little show and a thing that she is a
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: part of was being featured in this show, and so
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: they were on stage for a couple of minutes and
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: then we stayed and watch the rest of the show
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: and we're and we're chatting with everybody afterwards and everything,
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: and one of the guys that I didn't know came
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: over and started talking to me.
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: He was who's in the band?
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: And he started making these like stupid little jokes and everything.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: And it's the end of the night. I'm I'm having
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: a good time.
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: Like at this point, I'm just kind of a little
• 50:10
  Speaker 4: bit holding court at the bar with people that I
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: don't know, uh, but having a really good time doing it.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: And uh.
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: And so this guy starts telling these weird little jokes
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: and so I just break into a long, silly, stupid
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: joke that's just a lot of fun and uh and
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: so he kind of laughs and and uh. We keep
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: talking a little bit more and he and he finally
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: leaves a little bit later, and my wife comes over.
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: To me and goes, uh, I can't believe you told that.
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: And she's laughing, she's having a good time, but she's like,
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: I can't believe you tell that fucking joke to that guy.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: That guy can get me a lot of work.
• 50:43
  Speaker 6: Oh, that guy, that guy can put me on a
• 50:45
  Speaker 6: lot of things.
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: I was like, Ah, then you shouldn't bring me places.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm gonna do I'm gonna do this.
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: I feel like that guy's having a good time. I
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: feel like everybody's having a really good time. I think this, yeah, yeah, maybe,
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: But at the same time, like that is like I
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: feel good when I'm kind of doing that type of thing.
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: I'm having a good time. I feel comfortable in that scenario.
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: And that is something that has taken me years to
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: kind of figure out, and so working on different things
• 51:18
  Speaker 4: and figuring out who you are in these scenarios.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: That is not a weird thing at all.
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: That is not something that anybody expects you to just
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: have locked in by the time you're eighteen and graduate
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: high school. If I see someone that I know from
• 51:33
  Speaker 4: high school and they have not changed at all, and
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: I'm still very familiar with who they are after as
• 51:39
  Speaker 4: long as I've been out of high school, which is
• 51:41
  Speaker 4: twenty months.
• 51:43
  Speaker 6: Five years, ye know, that's weird. That's the weird thing.
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: If I meet somebody from high school after twenty five
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: years and they are the same person that they were
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: twenty five years ago.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: That's a weird thing.
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: That is weird.
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: But we all know those people too, still have a
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: fake Yeah that checks out.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah no, And sometimes, like you you meet different parts
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: of your family and then like you start to audition
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: becoming more like them. Like for me, I was born
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: and raised in West Philadelphia, and after a bad fight,
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: I moved in with my cousin Carlton and his family
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: would and they lived in bel Air. Oh wow, really nice,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: huge house was like Lucky five or six, you know,
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: like it was.
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: It was really Philadelphia.
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: It was very nice. And yeah, my uncle is a judge.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, just a lot.
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: It was tough growing up as a young black man,
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: it was yeah.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: And going from you know, kind of the rags to riches.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: Did you have any interesting stories all?
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: Maybe episodes where were you you got of learned lessons,
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: kind of life lessons.
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: I changed as a person, you know, and like I
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: joined this preppy school, you know, with all the other
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: rich kids.
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: But I feel like I was born you know.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: I did a little, but like I don't know if
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: I ever lost you know, the real means.
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: Did you ever try turning your jacket inside out? I did,
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: because sometimes the lining of the jack I was technically
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: in dress code. I did not ghibit that so, but yeah.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: Smart, so get around that.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: Big Jimmy style anyway, Riter, good luck with that. I
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: think that I like you experiencing this because I think
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: you're exploring different versions of yourself. Give yourself permission to
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: do that. Don't question whether you're being authentic. I feel
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: like we're always trying to fit in with every group
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: that we meet, and I think that that's a good
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: adaptation strategy.
• 53:34
  Speaker 5: It's such a human behavior right to be in the
• 53:36
  Speaker 5: n group. You don't want to be ostracized.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: You're wondering the Sengetti you come upon a try by
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: sure as he'll hope you figure out how to get
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: them to like you fast.
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: And if you feel comfortable with what you're doing and
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: what you're saying and who you are, then I mean
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: that's probably a pretty good indicator that you're being pretty
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: pretty genuine.
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And the more you just make that effort, the
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: more you'll naturally. I don't know why I just pronounced
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: indicator like that. I was just genuine. I think I
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: believe this is how the correct one. He's got a
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: new pillow. By the way, I kind of like it.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: It's good. We're gonna take quick break and when we
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: come back, we're talking about cringey responses. You're listening to
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: pod Therapy.
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: Today's episode of frought to you by Snitty Scoop, Mason, Miller,
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  Speaker 2: Test Miller, Builer, T Paris t Monico, Oscar swanros Anna, Marie,
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  Speaker 2: Emma Kine and Myra. And if you would like to
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  Speaker 2: sponsor the show, become a therap producer at patreon dot
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  Speaker 1: you know, one of the things we love to do
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  Speaker 1: is grab the mattresses from the bunk beds and drag
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  Speaker 4: Hell yeah, yeah, so drag my match out onto a
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  Speaker 4: moldy piece of wood.
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  Speaker 1: It was fucking awful. Yeah, just like peering the crash
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  Speaker 1: of the waves. You think it's going to be really relaxing. No,
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: it's too much shocking. There's a going on. Like, no,
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  Speaker 1: it's not relaxing, but beaches are getting a nice place
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: to nap. It's not like an overnight sleep place.
• 57:18
  Speaker 5: I don't know if I know. Peter loves it. He's like,
• 57:21
  Speaker 5: I'm a baby sleep into ocean waves. I'm like, fuck, babies.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: Do not sleep in the ocean.
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: When I had a pool back in the day, when
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: I had a pool, we had a queen size air mattress.
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: Fill that up and just put it on the pool. Yeah.
• 57:42
  Speaker 4: I definitely slept on pool floaties a couple of times
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: in like people's pools at college.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: I definitely did that once twice. Like waterbed. Yeah, I
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: tried sleeping on a trampoline high school. That was hard.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: Was your name?
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 57:57
  Speaker 6: I used to be called a jumpoline in Jim's Bomb Jump.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Joline Cringey responses. To start this question off, I wanted
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: to say that I'm working on getting a therapist. Good.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: Can't afford an out of network therapist, and my in
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: network ones are pretty busy, but I should have one soon.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: Good keep it. As time has gone on, my cringe
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: responses have gotten worse and worse. It started out as
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: just an inner cringe. Then I got kind of a
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: tick where I twisted my necks kill yourself in my head.
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: Obviously this isn't a healthy response. I don't think I'm
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: worried about actually acting on it. There's no plan or
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: thought to it. I need to break this tick though
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: a few times I've set it out loud, and I
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: can't have that happen around other people. So my question
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: is how do I break this cringe reaction? Additionally, is
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: this something to be worried about? Any advice or practices
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: I should put in play? As someone with diagnosed depressions
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: saying this to themselves, thank you for the podcast and
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: answering my question. I look forward to the pre show
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: and episode every Wednesday. Oh good a sponsor, he and
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: him pronouns thank you very much. So shouting in your
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: head kill yourself. Whenever you're talking to somebody and they
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: act cringey and they do something weird, kill yourself.
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: The person feels maybe.
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: It was self directed.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: Is that is that what they're they do something cringey?
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: Kill yourself? Okay, got it? Got it?
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm for progress, not perfection. Let's switch that to
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: the Napoleon dynamite idiots.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: Goname yourself.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: Let's let's change the language first and then we'll work
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: on it. But yeah, I get that there's sometimes I
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: think they're like just some cringey stuff that like, like
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: I've said, something and then I'm like, oh god, it's
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: just it just makes me so uncomfortable.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think sitting, I mean classic therapist sitting with
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 5: it and just kind of it's like the wave.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: Just let it wash over you. You said it, it's done.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 5: It's out there, and people think they're gonna think. I
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 5: find it easier for me because act like a cringy
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 5: asshole most of the time.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: So I'm just used to it. Yeah, sense ties by now, Yeah,
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: we're going to.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: Talk about that.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, actually actually doing it all, damn it.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: I wasn't going to say fuck all to it, just
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: accept her as she.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: But I feel like, I don't know, did y'all ever
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 3: do this word.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 5: There's a time in your life, especially when I was
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 5: in my twenties, where I almost sought out like uncomfortable situations,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 5: or maybe not sought out, but just was like, yep,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 5: here we are, Like I don't want to shy away
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 5: from it because you like get things out of it.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: I don't know, growth and shit, I don't know.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you weren't you wouldn't avoid.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 5: Awkward, right, I almost liked, not liked, but just accepted it,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 5: like radically accepted awkward. Encounters and maybe that's how eventually
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 5: I did end up working with juvenile sex offenders because
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: when that opportunity was presented to me as a like
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: twenty five or twenty six year old, like pretty young,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 5: I was thinking, if I can work with jso's, then
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 5: I can work with any population, because that is the
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 5: most uncomfortable thing I imagine, or one way up there
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 5: where you're talking to teenage boys about their sexual experiences
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 5: in detail and the shameful ones right quote shameful ones.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: So yeah, that was really powerful and fell into that category.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 3: Was like, all right, let's go.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 5: I think I can do this and just feel the
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 5: tenseness and like, but have to project outward like this
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 5: is your problem. That's not helping them if you're yeah,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 5: a cringey, I.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: Really relate to the writer, So I don't. I don't
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: react when I act cringey in the moment. But I
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: have a car highlight room of every fucking dumb thing
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: I have ever done or said, which is formidable. It
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: is voluminous. There are many I am hoping I don't believe.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, crops up.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: In my head all the time, like and it's just
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: it'll be when i'm alone, it'll be when I'm walking around,
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: it'll be when I'm at a store, and ironically a
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: lot like the writer and God, I've actually never admitted this.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: I have developed ticks related to this too. I don't
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: say like kill yourself like that, but they're they're more visual,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: like if you just saw me, you'd think that, like,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it looks like I'm shaking a bad
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: thought out of my head. Like I'll just like cringe
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, like clench my eyes shut and
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: sometimes like clench my teeth and it looks like I
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: just got like a shooting pain and people have noticed
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: it before and be like, oh shit, are you okay man,
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: Like you know, did something like hurt yourself or And
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: it's like very quick, and I'll just shake my head violently,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: and it's like it's just this reaction reaction, just suddenly
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: being like yeah, it just looks like a violent fart
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: out of nowhere. Yeah, but no, I'm haunted by that
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: ship and like, oh it sucks.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: I will actually say something like I kind of have
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: that tick as well, but mine, I'll just say I'll
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: just be.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: Like, god, damn it, you did.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: But like if you tell me, like I don't have
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: a highlight reel, Like if you ask me right now
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: identify something cringe worthy that I've done, I cannot think
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: of it. Like I've got this weird memory thing where
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: i will block it out, but ever once in a
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: while I'll just remember it, yeah, and then out of nowhere,
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: I'll just be like, God, damn it, Yes.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: That's the worst man. And like I I've struggled with
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: this because my kids got old enough that they would
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: occasionally notice, like would just be walking around or something
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: like that, and I would do it and like, to me,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: it's almost unconscious, like I'm aware I'm doing it.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, it's almost unconscious for me too, right, Like
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: oh did I just say that out loud?
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Type yeah, And then other people know that, like
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: are you okay? Like, oh yeah, I'm fine, and it's
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: like oh, like and I'll bet you there's people in
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: my probably think i'd like live with chronic pain or
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: something like oh yeah, bad back or something like that.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: But I really feel for the writer because like just
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: being haunted by all these cringy moments that I've done,
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: remembering all the dumb things I've ever said, all these
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: sessions I've done that, like something went wrong or I
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: still regret how I handled something, or the show constantly
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: like little lines where I've misdelivered it or something was
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: wrong or I regret the advice or whatever the fuck.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: Constantly that shit just haunts me. I have no solution
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: for it. Writer. I mean, like I don't know how
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: to do anything productive about it. The writer situation is
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: problematic because it sounds like it's happening in this notable
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: way while interacting with others and when you're saying like
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: kill yourself out loud. I kind of agree with Nick,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: like let's do some harm reduction on that, because like
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: that's off putting and like, I don't know. It's funny
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: because I when I'm at home, I say something and
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know why I say this, but this is
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: my fucking tick, like when I'm walking around and something
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: like that. It's it's this inaudible like clench when I'm
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: at home, and like I suddenly get like intrusive thoughts,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: which is bigger than cringe. Like for me, it's like
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: when I get really intrusive thoughts, like because they're constantly
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: like just machine gunning in my head, I'll yeah, yah, yeah,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: bad things I'll shout in my head. I'll shout out
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: loud to like cringe, but I'll like I'll say out
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: loud like something something just like from any hardcore wrap line.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: Like I was like fuck the police, Like I don't
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: know why, and I just like shout it. It's just
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: like this fucking just like what is that guy Butters from.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever seen.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 6: The Late Last Century.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 4: I don't know why.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: It just spits out of me.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 3: It's just like I like that though. That's a fun one.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: It's it just distracts me. It's like.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 3: Like a harpoon, I know.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 5: But it is a build up, right, Like the cringing
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 5: is like a tense oh yeah.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: Regret and it's just like God. Just by the way,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: writer uh Nick said something years ago that stuck with
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: me a lot, and I've come back to a lot
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: of times to like help myself practice forgiveness. Yeah, no,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: my one big hit. It's a good bit. Remind the
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: people has been in there.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 3: It is create a treatment plan.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The thing that I remind myself writer is that
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: treatment plans are an intervention. Be afraid to use two
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: things that was funny and fuck you.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, uh no, so I always because yeah, there's
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: always those moments where you think of it, and it's
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: usually a public moment, like you just do.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: Something like you feel embarrassed.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, that was so embarrassing and it's our
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: worst moment and we remember it. But if you were
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: to ask somebody like what their worst moment was or something,
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: they think everybody else knows it, right, right, But if
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: you were there, you would have no memory of that
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: event ever happening.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if your best friend, if you asked your best friend, like, hey,
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: do you remember that some of my shitty Hall of
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: Fame moments, They'll be like, no, do you remember mine?
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: It's like no, Like I can't remember my best friend's,
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: Like most embarrassing moments. I have no idea what that
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: I killed Noble once and my friends fucking remember it.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, they do not let me forget it all
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 4: the time.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: Do y'all's cringey moment? Maybe this isn't cringe in the.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: Tap Jacob, Jacob killed the hobo, You killed the hobo.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: Hobo killer over there, Rambo is gonna do it. That's
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: not that group.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 5: Maybe this is just straight up embarrassment or regret. But
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 5: I feel like the things that stick with me are
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 5: not so much those things I think I can really
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 5: sit with, Like most people don't give a fuck about
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 5: what you did like forever ago, minor things where I
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 5: feel like if I messed up or did something that
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 5: was embarrassing, but if I wouldn't have done it, like
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 5: the outcome would have been so different. So, like you
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 5: mentioned things you said on the podcast, like I messed
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 5: up that piece of advice, or I wish I would
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 5: have said this. I said more in that, like, oh
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 5: I should have said this, and that would have then
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 5: changed these other things for me in the future. It's
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 5: more like the I don't know, I don't know how
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 5: to describe that, but like how that would have impacted
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 5: the next thing, like more than just just that embarrassing.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I'm like, oh, because that was.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: It wasn't that movie rules, You're an idiot, dude. It
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: was deep. It was the Battlefield Earth of its time.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 3: That is true.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: Shut up, that movie is garbage. No, it's not.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 3: I was a teenage girl.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: It is so amazing. Jim felt that was fucking deep.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: I didn't see that ship coming lube Yes, that's all
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: it is. Yes, we're on the same page. Was the
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: exact same category?
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 3: Does that your new tech now.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: Have so many? I got my cat scam? Anyway, writer,
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: this is a very yeah. I mean I wish there
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 1: was something that I could say about how to not
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: do it, being conscious about it, normalizing normalizing it. Yeah,
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: we all say.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 4: I mean you've heard me if you've listen to anything
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 4: on this or ice cream social or anything, like I say,
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 4: horrible cringey things all the time.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 3: We've cringed on here makes a joke.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 4: You have to just keep moving. There's nothing else to do.
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 4: You can't go back and fix it. You can't go
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 4: back and change it. And I do like I'm with
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 4: you on this too, writer, uh that, like I will
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 4: go back and say in public spaces, I will find
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 4: myself going back and re examining things and circling back
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 4: and doing it exactly what you're talking about.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 6: And sometimes oh man, man, I hate.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: That I said that.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that was that wasn't my game. We gotta do
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 4: better on that one next time.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: But on the other hand, you're just gonna go on
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: it next time. It doesn't matter.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: Honestly, Like if if Jim had one of those moments,
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: those cringe moments where he just win made that face
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 2: and somebody's like, oh, what's wrong, Jim? And if Jim
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: just said cringe moment, anybody who's you know, they're just
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: like got it, got you. It's not even than anything
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 2: that has to be explained.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 3: No, there's like, yep, right, I won't ask anything understood.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: So writer, the good news is you ask, hey, as
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: a person diagnosed with depression, is this okay? Should I
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: be worried about this? No? I feel like it is
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: very relatable. I would encourage you to adjust what you're
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: doing as self expression so that there's no you know,
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: kind of like wrong understanding among other people. So just
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: shout something like fuck the police. Yeah, I mean that's
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: the move. Yeah, because honestly, these.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 2: Because I get what you're saying, as far as like, hey,
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: you know I have depression, I'm saying this thing that
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: kind of goes along with it, I don't actually feel
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: that way, And I agree that you're probably okay in
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: that sense. I don't think continuing to say that is
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: going to create a desire. I agree, right, you're you're safe.
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: But I think the bigger issue is is other people
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: hear that they're going to have a reaction to it,
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: And I think that's why you need to change.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: Read anyway, writer, thank you for this question. Is very relatable,
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: sadly so yeah, and.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 6: I don't think it's sad honestly, I think that's just
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 6: how we work.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think acceptance is the answer to this. Yeah,
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: I really do acceptance. We're gonna take quick break and
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: when we come back, we're wrapping up the show you're
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: listening to, pod Therapy.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitty Scoop, Mason Miller,
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• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: I'm sure having trouble getting my work done all right
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: time focusing.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 7: You probably have attention deficit deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD,
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 7: and Cerebral is an online company that can diagnose you
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 7: in less than fifteen minutes and send amphetamines to your
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 7: house in days.
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: Now, I don't have ADHD.
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: I'm just a little behind at work after getting back
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: from rehab.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 6: Last week recovering from addiction.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 4: Did you know that many ADHD sufferers have also experienced
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 4: a diction. That's why Cerebral uses a state of the
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 4: art honor policy when we ask you if you'll abuse
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 4: the controlled substances that we're going to send you in
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 4: the mail.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: I saw a TikTok video about ADHD symptoms with a
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: link to Cerebral. In one zoom call, they diagnosed me
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: within a week out a ninety day supply of adderall.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: I used to be so distracted with all the money
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: I owed my meth dealer, but now I'm focused on
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: starting my own small pharmaceutical delivery business.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 5: My son struggled in school due to his ADHD, but
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 5: we couldn't find a pharmacy with any medicine in stock
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 5: because of the sudden influx of adults getting diagnosed online
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 5: and prescribe the pills. That's when I turned to Cerebral
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 5: and got myself diagnosed so I could speed up the process.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: Wait, didn't Cerebral stop prescribing AfterAll, After the Department of
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 2: Justice investigation alleged that they were distributing unauthorized control substances
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: and find them millions of dollars, And didn't the Federal
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: Trade Commission find them again for selling patient data to
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: social media platforms and for making it nearly impossible for
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: customers to cancel their memberships.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 4: Sure, and you forgot to mention the fines from the
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 4: New York Eterney General for faking our online reviews and
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 4: deceptive business practices. But did we mention we are in
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 4: network with most major insurances and are somehow.
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: Still in business.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 4: Try Cerebral, an online medical and therapy company who settled
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 4: with the Department of Justice with a non prosecution agreement.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: The previous bit is parity. Cerebral has nothing to do
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: with the show us take of your too fucking good.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: We need to do this as a bit.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 6: I guess you should read the Medicine No Good.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: I do have a complaint though I don't like my
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 2: character development. Okay, I had the first line in every
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: one of these, and the first one was signed traumatically,
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: the second one was I'm so tired, and the third
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: one is.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: Putting so much mustard on this ship, like it just
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't need that much.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 5: You're overacting mustard.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: We just need acting coaches. Okay, I think we can
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: get an acting coach in here. Oh boy, well, listen
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: as we get to wrap up the show. It's the
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: first of the month. Wake Up, Wake Up, Wake Up.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: It's the first of the month. Title Pronounce all the
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  Speaker 1: therapods like the dark Lord Himself, Jim's Fasha University, Jeff
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  Speaker 1: So whoever chick fil Atio is pro command you to
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  Speaker 1: upgrade the Therap producer. So we have to say this,
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: it's worth the ten's amazing. Put that in as a
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: wrap up the show. We want to remind you. Nope, no, Yes,
• 1:19:09
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• 1:19:11
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• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: This week, you can dial in and hear a Therap
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 1: producer interview with doctor Bend on Yes Time. Very good
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 1: trip down memory lane for the boys. He was surprisingly insightful. Wow,
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: that's pretty cool. Good.
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 2: Get to hear some stories of Nick and Ben in
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 2: college fun times.
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: Uh, We've got some new friends of the therap party
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: who just joined us at Patreon, dot com slash.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: We got a new therapy pod hot off the press
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: just today, Winter Scoop.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: Winter Scoop, and also I should take a beat. Winter
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: Scoop emailed us a review, which was pretty cool as
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: I scrolled down to see how there it is and said,
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: let's see review that Spotify won't let me post. This
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: is what they tried to write often vulgar, crass and
• 1:20:10
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• 1:20:14
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• 1:20:21
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• 1:20:25
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• 1:20:26
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• 1:20:39
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  Speaker 1: I'm Nick canjman. Jacob just ran out. I think he's
• 1:22:20
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