Latest / Dear Son, / The Joys of Fatherhood | Embracing the Privilege | Ep 145 The Dear Son, Show

Transcript

The Joys of Fatherhood | Embracing the Privilege | Ep 145 The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's get it.
0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Won't do the dead son show.
0:02
[SPEAKER_00]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of fatherhood.
0:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's four fathers, those with fathers and the fatherless of nobody's left out.
0:10
[SPEAKER_00]: These are the conversations when I son of the access as they grow through life in the manhood.
0:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So no topics are all from them.
0:16
[SPEAKER_00]: It's how one of your host, D. John.
0:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm the other host, Jay Black.
0:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Jay Black, how you feel?
0:19
[SPEAKER_02]: My brother feeling good, man.
0:20
[SPEAKER_02]: We knocking these
0:23
[SPEAKER_02]: these trips out.
0:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there's some of getting by.
0:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm going to pass and on it's got a little break right now.
0:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You're in a lowland.
0:29
[SPEAKER_02]: No, not so much from travel.
0:31
[SPEAKER_00]: You leave it more.
0:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Got to ask myself.
0:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at it.
0:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at it.
0:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at it.
0:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's in a rare.
0:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I think we hear.
0:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
0:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to check the calendar.
0:41
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think we hear, but the rest we don't know.
0:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it will.
0:45
[SPEAKER_00]: It's turning piece of shopping.
0:47
[SPEAKER_02]: But it was good.
0:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Tonight, man, moving along in this process, keeping the folks updated with, uh, with Donovan in this trade school.
0:53
[SPEAKER_00]: As long as we got to call the day to see, uh, see if we can clear, see if the, I'm not going to say we can clear hurdle.
0:59
[SPEAKER_00]: See if there is art.
1:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
1:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So we got that first call today, then he got orientation.
1:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I believe a week from, I want to say in the eighth to nineteen.
1:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, and his, his mind is Monday.
1:11
[SPEAKER_00]: A-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E.
1:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.
1:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna see what changes with me when he turns eighteen officially.
1:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I'll do why I said, you know, he's still moving the groove.
1:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I like it.
1:23
[SPEAKER_00]: You didn't drop yours off?
1:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he go.
1:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:29
[SPEAKER_02]: He down at school.
1:30
[SPEAKER_02]: It sounds like it's a seamless transition for him that first day, you know, the jitters of not knowing what to expect.
1:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And his mom, she, I think she, she, she quietly on one on the, on the coup.
1:46
[SPEAKER_02]: She's dealing with a good, she did really good.
1:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I thought it was gonna be a problem, but nope, she did well.
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: With the drop off, but now she's still, she got her eyes glued to that, that three, six that had life three, six that so, you know, your son, been in his dorm for thirty five minutes and he hadn't called me, E, Z, E. You know what's gonna be funny?
2:06
[SPEAKER_00]: If he, I don't think he's that tag on put it on U, B,
2:10
[SPEAKER_00]: But when he realized that his mom would think he would have his phone is true.
2:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess they need the phone.
2:18
[SPEAKER_00]: They can't do that.
2:19
[SPEAKER_00]: They phone.
2:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, and they muscle.
2:23
[SPEAKER_00]: By the time we got cell phones, I was definitely out the house.
2:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:30
[SPEAKER_00]: That would be a thing to leave yourself on if he was moving in a different way.
2:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And you didn't want that lease.
2:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know the kids a day can actually.
2:37
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think they can cut loose loop.
2:39
[SPEAKER_00]: They need it.
2:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:40
[SPEAKER_00]: They need it.
2:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a part of everything.
2:42
[SPEAKER_00]: We got cell phones.
2:43
[SPEAKER_00]: The first it was emergency.
2:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what my sister got her is when she went to college.
2:46
[SPEAKER_00]: She had a big break.
2:48
[SPEAKER_00]: The five pounds on.
2:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
2:50
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when I got one, it was still flip phones.
2:52
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I said it before you couldn't really put names in there.
2:54
[SPEAKER_00]: You could, you could, you can give it a, like, ten slots.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the numbers in.
2:59
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll let you have to remember who was who.
3:01
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
3:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And your mind, you had to have the structure of what each number meant where you know, we knew numbers back then.
3:06
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
3:07
[SPEAKER_00]: True.
3:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I still know my parents have had the same number for.
3:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, yeah, about forty years now.
3:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Thirty.
3:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
3:18
[SPEAKER_00]: A cool, thirty-five.
3:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Easy.
3:20
[SPEAKER_00]: A cool, thirty-five.
3:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And I still don't know that no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
3:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Pretty dark rap.
3:43
[SPEAKER_00]: On the chill, just specifically the boys, because it's under the guys and their son, but it's apparent in, this is apparent in platform.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So the eyes of fathers.
3:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like share and subscribe.
3:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, let's do this early, because I know people don't be watching to the end.
3:57
[SPEAKER_00]: My physical book is available.
3:58
[SPEAKER_00]: This line's when they like prompts to facilitate effective parenting.
4:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It can't be yours if you want to end your hand like it's in my hand right now.
4:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Support your boy on the top.
4:05
[SPEAKER_00]: He book is available too.
4:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I know some people don't get to the.
4:09
[SPEAKER_00]: That's normally in the last thirty seconds.
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: We're gonna start getting that off early.
4:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, we go pretty hard on these lessons, and especially with the boys going in the manhood.
4:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Next phase of life.
4:21
[SPEAKER_00]: My pause pointed out something after the last episode, which he in the eat, every episode is his favorite episode.
4:29
[SPEAKER_00]: But he was like, y'all just spent some time talking about the happy parts of childhood.
4:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, hmm.
4:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I know we had that episode about being grateful for our children probably a year and a half ago.
4:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
4:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But if my sister's time revisit, people change people grow.
4:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I would still, I would still, do we still?
4:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Do we still like on the same thing?
4:51
[SPEAKER_00]: That kind of thing.
4:52
[SPEAKER_00]: But I want to put it through the, you know, of course, the lens of the boys because again, they've been the brunt of.
4:58
[SPEAKER_00]: They've been carrying the topic.
5:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
5:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
5:00
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know about B with the Donovan hasn't had it.
5:04
[SPEAKER_00]: He likes the reals when he's saying, I'm okay.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Cool.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
5:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Cool.
5:07
[SPEAKER_00]: That's sometimes it be.
5:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how I would have felt at seventeen eighteen nineteen.
5:13
[SPEAKER_00]: My part's put stuff out there like that's all right.
5:16
[SPEAKER_00]: The good sports, the good sports, you know, I live during the team and so yeah, let's start with.
5:23
[SPEAKER_00]: What do we love about our boys?
5:25
[SPEAKER_00]: This is gonna be a loving on our songs episode, man.
5:27
[SPEAKER_00]: What has over the past year?
5:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause I said, I think it's been about two year and a half since we had that episode.
5:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And enough y'all didn't watch it.
5:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, we're headed to the game.
5:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But what makes you smile about being the father about just, well, yeah, not being the father theory.
5:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm drawing to our, I'm enjoying, rather, the,
5:52
[SPEAKER_02]: My sense of humor and my guilt, okay.
5:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And I say in a lot because especially brain, you know, this you take over the world.
6:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, a lot of times as a parent, you think your child is the east of whatever.
6:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You may not say it publicly, you know, especially sons, we tend to do get them like men sit down.
6:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
6:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Honestly, I kids and I honestly meet personally in my wife.
6:20
[SPEAKER_02]: We laugh out loud at this guy man.
6:22
[SPEAKER_02]: He tells these corny little jokes.
6:25
[SPEAKER_02]: We're straight in no mode.
6:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Like like because we kind of be like, ah, he worked on this delivery.
6:34
[SPEAKER_02]: You been in the lab.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So he's been in the lab.
6:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So I truly enjoy.
6:40
[SPEAKER_02]: their transitions, and there's almost like you can look at my son's faces and watch them think, think their way through something.
6:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And that I tell people a lot of the time and I meet personally parents and keeps me young and to keep me on my toes, you know, fresh with, there's a lot of things I write off that I wouldn't, I wouldn't have way pay attention to, but because it's a thing for, from pricing all the way down the Boston.
7:07
[SPEAKER_02]: That's nineteen nine and seven so those are three different nine and seven they're closer to the things that they enjoy but even that it's about to separate is about separate.
7:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so they the different things that they're into if you're tapped in
7:22
[SPEAKER_02]: They kind of draw you into things that if you're out in the public you'll see something that typically ago or I've forty plus year old.
7:29
[SPEAKER_02]: But you're connected to it because of them.
7:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't enjoy that.
7:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Why watch when they when they separate schools and either them sees an opportunity to have their own identity.
7:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
7:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw that we eating the Eli because they're two years apart as well.
7:46
[SPEAKER_00]: and now they're in that space because of how texting on the witnesses.
7:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Kinda well, it happens, but the way they got the school set up, the grades set up, they won't meet again until high school, right?
7:56
[SPEAKER_00]: So, Eden will come home talking about it, thinking her friends, and it's different because it wasn't the same assembly, they didn't see the same things, they didn't see the same child fall, you know what I mean, that kind of thing is, it's interesting.
8:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And what keeps us going in this house is the banter.
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:15
[SPEAKER_00]: So eating the Eli they are ten and eleven to day eating will be twelve in a couple weeks.
8:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And they have a deadly quarrel about something.
8:24
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just how it is.
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
8:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess it's, I guess it's when you, like my sister and I five years apart, we had spats, but it wasn't like we were any toughest face all day.
8:34
[SPEAKER_00]: They actually still stand the same room.
8:36
[SPEAKER_00]: So they had each other's face and they had very strong opinions.
8:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But they were, they were having the quarrel about something.
8:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And
8:44
[SPEAKER_00]: what they were communicating their points.
8:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And Eden was trying to tell Eli that he wasn't clear on what he was saying.
8:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Eli says, you're not using your influential skills.
8:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, I said, I said, wait a minute.
9:02
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was accurate.
9:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It was accurate.
9:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And then Eden understood it.
9:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, man, that's, I got to teach him how to fight.
9:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to teach him how to fight because he's going to that phase when he's going to be he's going to be swarming his words and I got to make sure that whenever they land either he track fast or their boy can throw me and I'm not I'm not speaking that on him but he
9:33
[SPEAKER_00]: He got, he kind of got it honestly.
9:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And because they are young and they have a pack of older siblings yet.
9:40
[SPEAKER_00]: They try to, they try to play up and, you know, they got to be as witty or outsmart them.
9:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And because they can't physically take them, it's a word about it.
9:48
[SPEAKER_00]: It has to be.
9:48
[SPEAKER_00]: So you got to be, you got to be shopping this house or you end up kind of
9:53
[SPEAKER_00]: the butt of the show.
9:54
[SPEAKER_00]: She got to get yours off.
9:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Gotta get yours off.
9:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.
9:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.
9:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.
9:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.
9:58
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm loving that man.
9:59
[SPEAKER_00]: He went through soccer camp.
10:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Speaking of Eli, he went through soccer camp.
10:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Eli's my youngest.
10:03
[SPEAKER_00]: He went through soccer camp.
10:05
[SPEAKER_00]: First week of.
10:07
[SPEAKER_00]: June, I believe a few weeks ago now.
10:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just interesting seeing him step up to the process.
10:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it was the first time.
10:15
[SPEAKER_00]: He has a love for soccer.
10:17
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, like we talked about last week.
10:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Walked out of house there dribbling with the older boys there.
10:22
[SPEAKER_00]: His thing is soccer.
10:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So he's going to be kicking the ball.
10:25
[SPEAKER_00]: He broke too many things.
10:26
[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't like the couple things over.
10:28
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, he's going to be.
10:30
[SPEAKER_00]: He could be drilling the ball through the house.
10:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was to that point where it was.
10:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And his mind, he believes he's at a certain level.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.
10:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.
10:39
[SPEAKER_00]: But nobody's in front of you.
10:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So nobody else is kicking at the ball that you kicking at.
10:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Excuse you.
10:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
10:46
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was interesting to see.
10:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And he didn't know anybody did it.
10:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I was out of think because he's he came out of his shell.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I was saying a little bit later than the others.
10:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He was always, he always knew he had a mind in the brain, but he wouldn't be loud.
11:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, right, right.
11:02
[SPEAKER_00]: But now he's getting to that point.
11:03
[SPEAKER_00]: He's like, no, I'm showing up not giving me the ball.
11:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm taking the ball from your kind of thing.
11:07
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was interesting to see him being assertive, which I was kind of a concern.
11:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do you, how are you in the, in the pack of other people, other children and your age?
11:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And they might be bigger stronger fast.
11:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was good to see that.
11:23
[SPEAKER_00]: He never let up on any of the drills, even when they were initially tough.
11:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't see him quit, man.
11:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I was happy to see that, man.
11:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's those things where you and your mind, you just don't know, right?
11:41
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not sure.
11:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you, you hope for the best.
11:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm anxious to see what he's going to take it because he said this series.
11:50
[SPEAKER_00]: He wants to
11:51
[SPEAKER_00]: That was the precursor to actually really like investing, because you know, everything around here is a, is a mortgage payment to put these kids in anything.
12:04
[SPEAKER_02]: We've been on a break from everything with activities with everybody.
12:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And we'll need it.
12:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Honestly, but like we're, we do music and sports, right?
12:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's,
12:20
[SPEAKER_02]: There's electronic drums and keyboards and guitars at the house.
12:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So they were playing basketball and a couple other things and we stopped everything because they were falling into the bread of, they think they're out here just for fun.
12:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's cool.
12:38
[SPEAKER_02]: That's cool.
12:39
[SPEAKER_02]: But because you're also trying to get a dual benefit from this thing.
12:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Not so much is all you need to get really good at this and go to the lead.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not the focus.
12:48
[SPEAKER_02]: The focus is dedicate yourself to something you're doing, right?
12:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So I enjoy that because again, when they really truly enjoy something you can watch, they'll come remind you it's time to go do.
13:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It's time to go get into this.
13:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So again, this is another thing that will not allow you to be lazy or lay back or sit back like I gotta go do this.
13:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I gotta go do this.
13:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's this,
13:13
[SPEAKER_02]: the infamous trampoline.
13:15
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
13:17
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a trampoline inside my house, people.
13:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, upstairs.
13:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And in this area, there's an area upstairs of the house that real life trampoline.
13:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Not, not, don't do this.
13:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Not outside.
13:31
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not the big stupid.
13:33
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's a moderate
13:35
[SPEAKER_02]: How am appropriate, if you will, besides trampoline, in one area of my house.
13:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And I kid you not the boys jump on it literally, three hundred and sixty-five days a year.
13:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never seen them use anything like this.
13:49
[SPEAKER_02]: My wife is beefing with the trampoline though.
13:53
[SPEAKER_02]: She's over it.
13:53
[SPEAKER_02]: She's been over it.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And jokingly, for two years now, probably, that may be a stretch year, year and a half.
14:03
[SPEAKER_02]: She's been, I'm waiting on them to not use the trampoline for like a week straight and that's my cue that I could throw it out.
14:11
[SPEAKER_02]: No, every single day.
14:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So here's the thing.
14:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Now springs are starting to pop off because they use it so frequent.
14:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And so she's like, yes, right now.
14:24
[SPEAKER_02]: This is something they really enjoy.
14:26
[SPEAKER_02]: So this is a joy of parenting moment.
14:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You know how usually you don't run into this until grandparents come into your picture.
14:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I say you can't do this in the grandparents.
14:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Slide that old thing in that trampoline show up at the front door.
14:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You're like, I see it can't do this.
14:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And they already texted them about it.
14:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm already that guy with the trampoline with my wife though.
14:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm kind of like, man, he's all with.
14:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't depot three springs that boy back in business because it's not like it's not, it's in the operable.
14:54
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like fifty springs on it to have snap.
14:57
[SPEAKER_01]: That's easy.
14:58
[SPEAKER_02]: After two springs on, she's defied.
14:59
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
14:59
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:00
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:00
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:01
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:01
[UNKNOWN]: She threatened me.
15:02
[UNKNOWN]: She threatened me.
15:02
[UNKNOWN]: She threatened me.
15:03
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:03
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:04
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:04
[SPEAKER_01]: She threatened me.
15:04
[SPEAKER_01]: She threatened me.
15:05
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:05
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:06
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:06
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:06
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:07
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:08
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:09
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:09
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:09
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:10
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:10
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:11
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:12
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:13
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:13
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:14
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:14
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:14
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:15
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:15
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:16
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:17
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:17
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:17
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:18
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:18
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:19
[SPEAKER_02]: She threatened me.
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:20
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:21
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:21
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:22
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:22
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:23
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:23
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:24
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:24
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened me.
15:24
[SPEAKER_00]: She threatened
15:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I say that to say when they come back, I'm trying to have piano back lined up and waiting there.
15:30
[SPEAKER_02]: They were, he was getting lessons, but the, it's piano teacher she passed away.
15:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So again, gotta get basketball, I'll kick back off, gotta get these things in place because if she, if she get rid of these boys trampoline, man, there we go.
15:47
[SPEAKER_00]: What's the difference of
15:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, because we always needed on the older boys.
15:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what are some of those aha moments of them lessons learned with the older ones that are just and how you deal with the younger ones?
16:00
[SPEAKER_00]: If any.
16:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can say for me, you know, because I dropped that on you.
16:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Engaging.
16:13
[SPEAKER_00]: with my children at a much higher level, much more frequent rate.
16:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's probably not your personal, that's definitely has been my personality.
16:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But I can see the difference in just from like the start of this podcast over the last couple years, how much more relatable I've become to Donovan, right?
16:34
[SPEAKER_00]: And even in that, my focus has been unfairly skewed to Donovan because he's the oldest
16:43
[SPEAKER_00]: While Eli is, he's more of a key to himself kind of person, right?
16:47
[SPEAKER_00]: The dominant is to agree, but Eli is a, I'm happy by myself if I got to be kind of person, right?
16:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you get up with a box, some scissors and some tape and he gonna build a computer.
16:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
16:58
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just how he is.
16:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so catching that cue early enough with him to start having conversations and I realized that he was more drunk like going to his mother.
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Not because it was a, well, it was a preference because I didn't talk as much, right?
17:19
[SPEAKER_00]: And now that he's old and we have promises, I ask him, he's like, you know, you don't, you didn't seem to be as open or as fun with my mom or as talkative.
17:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, man, I was almost not a path of reinserting the cycle that I was trying to break with Donovan.
17:37
[SPEAKER_00]: What my youngest said, and they are,
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't ever be eighteen and he'll be in seven years apart.
17:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I try to be a lot more intentional about having conversations with him.
17:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And now what I'm finding is, because I'm home during the day and Keesha's gone, when he said he had that stove up,
17:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's all I think now.
18:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
18:01
[SPEAKER_00]: He like, that was smelly.
18:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Man, you know, that boy's so funny.
18:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I could, I could guess today I was in the, I was in the zone.
18:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So I cooked a few things.
18:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I'm like, I was right.
18:09
[SPEAKER_00]: As it appeared that the meal was done and I didn't say anything.
18:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I went and said that because I was giving it five to ten more minutes.
18:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
18:18
[SPEAKER_00]: He goes and puts on the other mix and starts lifting stuff up.
18:23
[SPEAKER_00]: to see if this I guess to see if it's worth the wait or like what we got what we really doing.
18:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I know it's ten minutes from there, but like he just seen this personality now and how.
18:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Like he he might be a little extrovert.
18:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but like he he he well he he he he he he he he's both he thrives in around people and by himself and just seeing that part of him and I'm glad that.
18:46
[SPEAKER_00]: My attention was arrested and everything that happened in corporate happened with me before I was about to go down that path again.
18:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, right.
18:53
[SPEAKER_02]: What my younger son probably told a great attachment to absolutely me I learned through my older son just not from him telling me but observation.
19:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that I was parenting through assumption.
19:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I was assuming you knew how to do things.
19:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I was assuming
19:13
[SPEAKER_02]: You've seen this, you've picked up on it.
19:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Again, putting me in his shoes.
19:18
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not how it works.
19:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So when it was time for something as simple as changing the tire, changing the old, I kind of learned that in the street against, you know, other friends, or we may have been somewhere in something happen.
19:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And it had to be done right there in the moment.
19:34
[SPEAKER_02]: So it was done in front of me.
19:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And I kind of observed that if you were, it was most it's even.
19:40
[SPEAKER_02]: So now,
19:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Things came up with my older son and I was like, hey, man, go do this.
19:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's like, I don't know how to do that.
19:47
[SPEAKER_02]: You never taught me that.
19:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was blown away to hear him say some of the things that he was, he would tell me, I don't know how to do.
19:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, the way my man works now, I'm like, I had to analyze that.
19:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, if you don't know how to do that, you probably don't know how to do this, this or this.
20:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
20:03
[SPEAKER_02]: The first time I learned my son didn't know how to pump gas.
20:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, you know how to pump gas?
20:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I would do it.
20:10
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you mean, what do you do?
20:11
[SPEAKER_02]: So the whole process, yeah, we take for granted that there are steps to everything, right?
20:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Like get out of the car, go to the pump.
20:17
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, do I go inside and pay?
20:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Do I pay right here at the top?
20:20
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, yeah, he always in the car that wasn't the thing as a kid.
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I was a kid.
20:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I jumped out of the car to run around and watch my dad.
20:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, obviously we went inside and paid this.
20:31
[SPEAKER_02]: We talking about the ages, you know?
20:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I still go inside.
20:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
20:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So go inside and pay didn't come back out.
20:37
[SPEAKER_02]: go to the back of the car, flip the lights and play that on scooter.
20:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't have time for this, you hop out, you pump the gas and you go.
20:57
[SPEAKER_02]: what you're really doing, you're choosing to deserve it.
20:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Of they're not watching or seeing hands on things.
21:04
[SPEAKER_02]: They're in a society of now or microwave or technology.
21:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I had to pull him at his big age and all right, let's go, you right.
21:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Stand at the pump, show you, run your car, run the pump, do your thing.
21:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I obviously show you that one time you got it.
21:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Now let's
21:21
[SPEAKER_02]: or change the tire.
21:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Then wrong with the type of jack.
21:24
[SPEAKER_02]: This vehicle up, pull this up.
21:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I told you about the old chain experience.
21:29
[SPEAKER_02]: First time I told him to check the old.
21:30
[SPEAKER_02]: He checked your old.
21:31
[SPEAKER_02]: He was like, what do we talking about?
21:33
[SPEAKER_02]: We do that.
21:34
[SPEAKER_02]: So again, pulling the dips.
21:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So now, because I saw that that was my flaw with my older son.
21:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
21:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm intentionally now taking the little's like, hey,
21:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Come do this, come see this, come watch this.
21:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm actively pulling them into situations where now you need this exposure that you were supposed to be getting that I failed your brother a little bit on.
21:56
[SPEAKER_02]: He caught it, but caught it late.
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: He got it when he needed it.
22:00
[SPEAKER_02]: These aren't really skills that you're supposed to get when you need them.
22:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Definitely saying that now with a like y'all work and we've mentioned them before because the y'all work isn't as frequent at least in my experience.
22:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's like something to do in the yard every at least every couple days right my dad will find something like I remember I remember digging
22:22
[SPEAKER_00]: the edge of the yard.
22:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So they had, so they have a nice bubble to it, I guess.
22:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Like he wanted that thing to sit back on the driveway.
22:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're talking about the edge.
22:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So we out there, I think.
22:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Get these trays secretly.
22:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Out there with the shovel, getting down to it.
22:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
22:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And the thing like that, the nail are natural to me.
22:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if the edges are so overgrown and the weed in and getting it, oh, just grab the shovel, clean it up, get that thing right.
22:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you can, it'll be easy to clean up.
22:50
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember my son asked me,
22:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Dang I'm gonna tell him I saw because he cutting the grass thing is him But he was like how do you how to use the ass thing knows like you I was like what how do you it's a son of a mattery right?
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a mattery.
23:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean you got a they know and no two-stroke ain't no and no special all mix on no nothing but It wasn't
23:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Specifically, come out here and the other thing was, my problems didn't play the whole, I'm outside, you inside.
23:24
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm outside, we are outside.
23:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And it'd be fair as much as you could when I wanted to be outside and play basketball stuff like that, he come out there with me.
23:32
[SPEAKER_00]: So it was a time of bonding and instruction that I didn't really understand and appreciate then.
23:40
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, right.
23:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that's an area weakness for me now because
23:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm in my mind about when he lies on cut the grass.
23:49
[SPEAKER_00]: He's ten, but my dad told me, it wasn't eight.
23:52
[SPEAKER_00]: He was like, when you get chastised to a lawnmower, the leverages there.
23:57
[SPEAKER_00]: He wants you reach enough for a bird.
23:59
[SPEAKER_00]: You chastised to a lawnmower.
24:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You push the things.
24:02
[SPEAKER_00]: So that might be this week.
24:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I told the owner of the grass yesterday.
24:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: What he heard was the last instruction that I gave him was cut the back yard.
24:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did that specifically because it's going to be a point.
24:17
[SPEAKER_00]: But this thing, this thing again, this is not one.
24:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Not a bad.
24:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this is not one of those we're going to let that put on.
24:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Something that's standing out right now.
24:26
[SPEAKER_02]: It's the joys of.
24:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm nearing the other relationship should be with your children and I'm headed somewhere with that because a lot of things that I'm dealing with with my dad right now is.
24:41
[SPEAKER_02]: There are, I didn't grow up in the house with my dad, right?
24:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So I grew up in the house with my mom and I visited my dad for summers, like two months in the summer.
24:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So now my dad has medical things that are presenting, right?
24:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I'm doing things and putting things in place on his behalf.
25:06
[SPEAKER_02]: But part of that is the cycle of life.
25:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So you have to enjoy.
25:11
[SPEAKER_02]: We have to enjoy our children now and pour into them and teach and show them things like responsibility.
25:19
[SPEAKER_02]: But like happiness is way of joy.
25:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And that way, when the shoes on the other foot, we go from taking care of them to one day they're taking care of us.
25:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So now they have to
25:34
[SPEAKER_02]: It's sad to say this, but they have to now reinsteel some of the things that we placed in them as children.
25:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes in our elderly stage of life, we've forgotten joy.
25:44
[SPEAKER_02]: We've forgotten happiness.
25:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We've forgotten how to diligently do things.
25:48
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I'm constantly coming my dad down.
25:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's always rared up, you know what I mean?
25:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So we'll go somewhere.
25:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's instantly on go mode.
26:03
[SPEAKER_02]: trying to make sure nobody's trying to get it or take advantage of him or manipulate him.
26:08
[SPEAKER_02]: But there was a time that that was my approach to life and he laughed like, ah, come on, sir.
26:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Relax.
26:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Relax.
26:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't worry about it.
26:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't worry about it.
26:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I hear him when I say that to him, because I'm having to calm him down.
26:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's a joy to me of parenting where I'm looking at the memories that I share with my children and I'm pointing to my sons and telling them things that I feel like some of the things that I say to them, I can almost see this going to double back later in life.
26:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
26:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe we'll maybe won't.
26:45
[SPEAKER_02]: but because I'm actively seeing, I'm having flashbacks because now I feel like I'm in the middle of a portal.
26:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm tying the two generations together, you know what I mean?
26:54
[SPEAKER_02]: They remind me of my childhood and then some of the things I'm doing with them remind me of things I've seen my dad doing, say to me, and then vice versa to where now is I'm talking to my dad about things like he just had a house fire, right?
27:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I'm back and forth between here in Houston and I'm trying to find him a rent house right now.
27:15
[SPEAKER_02]: convincing this guy to go from his house to because I first I was like, man, just get your apartment.
27:20
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't have to cut grass for a year.
27:21
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to do a little twill month.
27:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And that way, we'll build your rebuild of property.
27:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't need nobody on the side of the wall for me.
27:28
[SPEAKER_02]: So true.
27:31
[SPEAKER_02]: True.
27:32
[SPEAKER_02]: True.
27:32
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
27:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's why you're in house, but the importance of don't parent or do something with a loaded intent.
27:44
[SPEAKER_02]: just do the right thing because it's the right thing to do for the love and to your children.
27:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And these are seeds you're someone to make these better human beings and individuals later in life.
27:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And just so happen perhaps you may benefit from that later in life.
27:59
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't you never know how what life has in store for you.
28:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you don't you don't want it to be conditional when is your time.
28:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Like how they feel about you that day, whether they, whether they, they put you in the right nurse home and
28:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I mentioned on the same notes, so I mentioned my dad had a young at the visit to the ER.
28:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And they still don't suggest he wouldn't have got MRI.
28:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And he he's back to him to the degree.
28:26
[SPEAKER_00]: But I realized like I said before, just the aging and the how finite life is, yes.
28:35
[SPEAKER_00]: My dad has been talking about death.
28:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Not a lot to where it's morbid, but in a
28:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's have a conversation that we want to have that you won't regret when I'm gone because we didn't have it.
28:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Those kind of things.
28:53
[SPEAKER_00]: And they used to, and used to, like, really an army to agree because I guess honestly, I wasn't prepared for him to go, right?
29:05
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm still, I don't know that you ever are.
29:08
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not thinking about that path, but he,
29:11
[SPEAKER_00]: In his age, and in the stages that we both are, and how invested he is in me as his son, and what that means to the future generations, he's telling me things that are uncomfortable, but we need to have the conversation necessary.
29:28
[SPEAKER_00]: When he was in a better space after the stint with Vertigo, he was like, my prayer wasn't
29:35
[SPEAKER_00]: God, take this away from me.
29:37
[SPEAKER_00]: He was like, thank you for what you give me.
29:38
[SPEAKER_00]: If this is it, I'm fine.
29:40
[SPEAKER_00]: You've been more than faithful.
29:41
[SPEAKER_00]: You let me see all that I wanted to see.
29:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
29:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, while that's connected to a conversation about him no longer being here, I realized how important it is still to me that my dad is proud of me.
29:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like the heat that he's that he feels comfortable enough with.
29:59
[SPEAKER_00]: what he invested into his family, being able to sustain after he's gone.
30:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that's got to be like, that's one of my, I don't know if it's the irrational fear or irrational fear now it's like man.
30:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Especially having gone through last year and thinking I was going down that path, right?
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like man, if I go, what are they going to do?
30:23
[SPEAKER_00]: If I go with a, would they know what I feel while I, how do I, if I go and I don't know how they feel about me?
30:31
[SPEAKER_00]: That stops for me then.
30:33
[SPEAKER_00]: They can say it after, but it ain't, I don't, it's no, I've no benefit to me.
30:38
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's no real conversation about it.
30:40
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's, um, those life events.
30:45
[SPEAKER_00]: like you were saying.
30:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Adjust my perspective on like what really matters.
30:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Where as if you go too long and life is coasting and you get a hiccup, that thing might
30:59
[SPEAKER_00]: My burn the hole, then you might be, you know, you might be upset, you might be annoyed, right?
31:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But then when you kind of step back in the grand scheme of things, oh, hold on, like that.
31:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Like really being kind of cool.
31:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is, this is just something we got to get through.
31:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
31:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm, I'm, I'm starting to get more comfortable with those conversations again.
31:18
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is not speaking anything.
31:22
[SPEAKER_00]: But because he's lost his parents, I saw him lose his parents.
31:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I saw my mother lose her parents.
31:28
[SPEAKER_00]: We never really had conversations about this, specifically on my dad's side.
31:31
[SPEAKER_00]: That's not a thing that we talk about the family, right?
31:34
[SPEAKER_00]: In that same conversation, I found out why my grandmother died.
31:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
31:38
[SPEAKER_00]: In, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in
31:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It was like, these are things, you know, my father, this my mother was up.
31:58
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't stop because I didn't want to belabor, but I was like, no, because I think I've said on the podcast before, I don't know exactly why, because she declined very quickly.
32:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, we were already living the way.
32:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, you come home and visit.
32:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And if a year apart, she looks the same, that's the norm.
32:20
[SPEAKER_00]: But in a year, a lot of things can happen a lot.
32:22
[SPEAKER_00]: If you go two years, you come back and I'm like, man, this is not even recognized.
32:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, can they recognize me?
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And then again, I don't want those moments to have to happen.
32:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they say, let's have the family union, not the funeral.
32:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't let the funeral take the place in the family union.
32:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, let's be intentional about that.
32:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm learning to find joy in the everyday things, even though things are still battles that we fight in a lot of areas of life.
32:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So I guess the message is like you're saying this is a repetitive message, like be grateful now.
33:05
[SPEAKER_02]: to piggyback on the joy of living in the now.
33:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I say all the time about focuses no time stamping.
33:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, my mind is always working and looking at situations.
33:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I'll be in the moment, but something will happen or I'll say something or somebody will do something and then it'll resonate.
33:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So a lot of times, I'm driving, there's no music, no music.
33:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just, I look up and I'm thirty minutes driving and I haven't even turned up in the music at home.
33:38
[SPEAKER_02]: However, dropping my son up pointed something else out to me, man.
33:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I was leaving, I hugged my son and I told him, I love you too.
33:53
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not that it was awkward for him.
33:57
[SPEAKER_02]: As I look back, it's not a norm.
33:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And as a dad, and I know this will speak to more fathers than mothers, because he's a promoter.
34:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, well, all that you write, I don't want to make that assumption.
34:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Young children they're easy.
34:13
[SPEAKER_02]: They're going to run up, and I love you this, and I love you that they're so emotional and in touch with feelings.
34:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Every day is just a ball of joy mostly.
34:22
[SPEAKER_02]: When is the last time, or how frequent can you honestly say,
34:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I won't even go back to thirteen.
34:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's say you have a sixteen, seventeen, eighteen to twenty-year-old.
34:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
34:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Teenager, thirteen to nineteen, fifteen to nineteen.
34:35
[SPEAKER_02]: How frequent since your child may, fourteen, fifteen years old, have you said I love you two, your children?
34:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Especially to your son.
34:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Father the son.
34:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, I'm not, I'm not trying to leave out on the gate the mothers of mothers love, or maybe even there are some moms dealing with that as well, or could even self-check and say, don't tell my baby, I love it.
34:56
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm pretty certain that there are, there's a disproportionate number of dads that don't express the words I love you to their teenage children, more so teenage sons.
35:13
[SPEAKER_02]: That is a real thing that your son needs to hear because now we're releasing these young men into the world and they don't have emotional balance.
35:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we joke or even speak without joking, all the time about that emotional balance and emotional intelligence a lot of times come from mom.
35:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like a duality.
35:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Dad gives me these tangible, hard, no things to do in life, structure and do this in completion.
35:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And in mom, she's my softer side, love and affection and communication and all of this.
35:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Imagine if your son sees those things in his father.
35:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It'll reach even deeper into who he is and to his foundation.
35:56
[SPEAKER_02]: It's really okay for me to do this because if I receive it from my mom, I know my mom loves me, but in my mind as a man or as a male, she's supposed to be soft.
36:06
[SPEAKER_02]: She's supposed to be feminine.
36:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe I'll receive those lessons as feminine traits and they don't really resonate with who I am because it's like, you're trying to woman me.
36:16
[SPEAKER_02]: No, so now if we double back, and Dad has this emotional intelligence, but he's not sharing it with his sons, we're now doing our sons a deserve.
36:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So imagine the impact you'll have on your own son, to say to my son, son, hey, nothing wrong, I love you.
36:34
[SPEAKER_02]: If you say that, if you go up to your son right now today and say that to your teenage son, I love you.
36:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And any other reaction other than
36:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Business is usual.
36:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I love you too, Dad.
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Kind of like, what's wrong with you?
36:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Good.
36:47
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's a shop, if there's a elephant in the room feeling or an awkward silence or that should be an indication that I'm lacking in this area, but it's fixable.
37:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I can, I can address that in real time right now.
37:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to tell my son, I love him more.
37:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to show my son, I love him more.
37:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So now if I'm more interactive and showing more interest and what he's doing and what he's interested in,
37:14
[SPEAKER_02]: If you wanna play the video game, maybe I don't need the best you all the time by being on the game.
37:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I might need to pull up.
37:19
[SPEAKER_02]: If you plan basketball on the game, I like basketball.
37:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I could tolerate that.
37:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Me on the game, so let's go show me how my son my son actually taught me that really yeah, we I say it as frequently as I do now because of him.
37:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, because it be he though my wife comes from I love you.
37:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you every time we see each other family.
37:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew I was love, but it wasn't it wasn't a check mark.
37:50
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's, that's even crap.
37:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, not, I'm using the list.
37:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't a checkmark in terms of things that went through my mind that needed to happen.
37:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, not checkmark in the sense of saying it flippingly, but like, no, this is these are the important things.
38:02
[SPEAKER_00]: When I'm coming to the house, I'm leaving the house.
38:05
[SPEAKER_00]: If any of my children walk out right now, they're going to say, I love you there.
38:08
[SPEAKER_00]: They're going to look in and be like, you know, because we're recording, but it's, it's something I had to learn.
38:14
[SPEAKER_00]: to normalize for me.
38:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they normalize it for me.
38:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's one of the big things in terms of changes from my oldest son to my youngest son.
38:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I can initiate it.
38:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
38:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Now.
38:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
38:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's an expectation.
38:29
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, not in the sense of we do this out of routine.
38:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it is out of routine, I'm not mad at it because at some point it might clip.
38:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
38:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It might click that it was more than a routine.
38:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
38:41
[SPEAKER_00]: But that is a very
38:44
[SPEAKER_00]: That's something that I think, for men and I can only, well, I can speak in generalities about men, having spoken all men, is that we think that a message is getting across even if we're not saying it, right?
38:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Because of our lands.
39:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I knew my dad loved me.
39:02
[SPEAKER_00]: He, like, even no matter how
39:05
[SPEAKER_00]: gentle or toxic, the relationship was, some people would say, well, that's even when they get up, well, that's just how they love me, right?
39:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's not this sense of ownership in terms of changing it for your family.
39:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the assumption, like you said, let me do the lens of a sumic, that my actions are enough.
39:25
[SPEAKER_00]: And they either get it now or they'll get it at some point, but whenever they get it as cool and it's not, you don't, we don't have to luxury your time.
39:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, life's crazy, right?
39:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And we don't see it as crazy until the crazy thing happens to us and it's close to home.
39:41
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very finite, man.
39:42
[SPEAKER_00]: We can't, we can't afford to play around with any of our children.
39:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I think there is a specific focus or a heightened sense of focus with our sons to help them learn how to regulate and understand and interpret.
39:58
[SPEAKER_00]: their emotions.
39:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
40:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I mean, it's a lot of angry children, man.
40:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, angry in the moment, angry for a long time.
40:12
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes I feel like we can run the risk of feeling disconnected because that's not, that's not what happens in our house, right?
40:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But do having these conversations with mortages you and I, you start to realize that everybody's story in your story,
40:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, perhaps as we extend a little more grace, we have a little bit more room to understand and kind of hopefully shift the narrative and kind of work through these things by and so.
40:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Something you just said stood out as, as, as, as parents, because I don't want to leave parents out because moms, they go hard as well.
40:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes we as fathers get so caught up in the drive, the push, the motivation.
40:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I even said last episode, I was like, hey, if I have to be the villain.
40:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And you have a chip on your shoulder to prove me wrong.
41:00
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's what causes you to be successful in life.
41:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm okay with that.
41:06
[SPEAKER_02]: But even with that, there needs to be a boundary.
41:08
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's a such thing as I can push you to hate.
41:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And now that chip is not just towards me, it's towards authority, it's towards society, it's towards anybody that comes at me.
41:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not what I want to hear.
41:23
[SPEAKER_02]: If it's not soothing, then it's a threat.
41:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And I mean, I'm either angry or intimidated.
41:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm going to lash out at it because I could never really lash out in my dead.
41:33
[SPEAKER_02]: But now that I'm out here in these adult streets, I'm not taking that from anyone anymore.
41:38
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, about that last year's out at me, this is what I'm gonna do.
41:41
[SPEAKER_02]: This is gonna be my rebel, if you will.
41:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So the last thing that I told my son, when we dropped it, my wife was, I said, no matter what happens here at school, with college, with your college career, focus on making yourself proud.
42:00
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're proud of yourself, we're gonna be proud of you as well.
42:04
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're doing something that you are less than happy about or you're ashamed of, or if you're ashamed of it, you should not be doing it.
42:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Make yourself proud.
42:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't come here and put undue stress on yourself.
42:18
[SPEAKER_02]: They can, I have to, I have to achieve these goals or I have to look a certain way or make certain accomplishments while I'm here at college to impress or get the approval of my parents.
42:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Transition into adulthood.
42:32
[SPEAKER_02]: make yourself proud.
42:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And then communicate.
42:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And then if there's any assistance you need or uplift that you need, obviously we're here for that.
42:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
42:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I even say obviously, but I have to say that to you.
42:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't assume that we are, or that we are not.
42:48
[SPEAKER_02]: We as parents will assume my children know that we're here for support.
42:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:51
[SPEAKER_02]: But the child, I feel like all you was talking about was when I was talking to me to get up and go to school, I felt like that was it.
42:57
[SPEAKER_02]: That was my stopping point.
42:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm on my own.
43:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, the biggest prison a person can deal with for themselves is in their mind.
43:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So now if you bar yourself a barricade yourself in a corner, thinking it's me against the world, I don't ever want my children to have any type of remote thought that it's them against the world.
43:19
[SPEAKER_02]: No, man, we are networked.
43:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Glad I'm glad you brought that up man.
43:23
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the thing that I'll say in closing.
43:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And I I'll speak for you on this one.
43:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't really don't do that.
43:29
[SPEAKER_00]: You can tell me from line.
43:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I've observed your children enough right in the house and around and even when they don't know that we're watching.
43:39
[SPEAKER_00]: and in my children, I think they all have a temperament that will lend to their success, right?
43:45
[SPEAKER_00]: With a not flying off the handle, not that they don't get matter upset, but they have a healthy respect for authority.
43:51
[SPEAKER_00]: They can kind of evaluate a situation as it's happening, not out of anger and argument, but out of, let me understand what's going on before I fly to the handlements.
44:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's gonna, think that's gonna serve and well.
44:07
[SPEAKER_00]: of all things I say about my son.
44:08
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's one of his strongest traces.
44:11
[SPEAKER_00]: His temperament.
44:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Even it's not that he doesn't get mad.
44:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me back up.
44:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Because we addressed it.
44:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was angry at him because of how he manages anger and he let me know.
44:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I never told him how to manage his emotions.
44:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I said,
44:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that was a good idea.
44:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, then I was wondering the assumptions about and even that was a poor assumption because how I managed things for a long time was you're not going to hit me.
44:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but you're not going to actually see a whole lot of respect either because I might just get quiet and walk away.
44:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, how many times has it seen that?
44:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we get together half, half, and justify, well, I just walked away from, right?
44:58
[SPEAKER_00]: A son at an age of accountability and observation, seeing his dad walk away from his mom.
45:06
[SPEAKER_00]: without any kind of context, believes that's the thing to do, right?
45:11
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, on top of that, not being a broad stroke approach to being the right thing, then that's the temperament of the lady that you're dealing with, like all of those things matter, and we weren't having, at the time we weren't having conversations about that, right?
45:27
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you know,
45:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Big B accepting of the indicators from your children, even if you don't like the initial delivery.
45:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
45:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Because he wasn't disrespectful when he told me that he, it was actually a very calm conversation.
45:46
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, you can't, you can't deal with it like this.
45:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And basically what's saying, well, I don't, how do I deal with it?
45:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you we, I've never been taught that.
45:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
45:58
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to own that man.
46:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, I'm proud I'm proud of all my children.
46:04
[SPEAKER_00]: We stand the theme of songs because we've been riding them and you know, that's the handle of the show.
46:10
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm with with all of the pseudo frustrations as we present them to get others thinking about what's going on in their home.
46:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
46:19
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm I think that I have
46:22
[SPEAKER_00]: The children that I have, oh, we gonna get through whatever these bumps and bruises, twists and turns, as they go into adulthood and everything gonna be fine, saying, everything gonna be fine.
46:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I think God, I feel that exact same and I appreciate that compliment and I feel the same about your children as well.
46:41
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not, they're not hotheads, they're not irrational.
46:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So in the moment, you can see the wheels turn and they like,
46:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't really make sense to me, but okay, I got you.
46:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So the adjustments are actually in real time.
46:57
[SPEAKER_02]: If they see something, even another kid, see something, it's kid, don't they?
47:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, no, that's not the thing to do, you don't wanna be.
47:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So I enjoy that, but like you say, this, this, I'm just trying to be more mindful of my time stamps, living in the moment, being appreciative and enjoying
47:18
[SPEAKER_02]: being a parent, you know, sometimes we take parenting as a job and a chore burden and a burden.
47:25
[SPEAKER_02]: But don't forget the joys of parenting, you know, because too often you'll be sitting at a store and you sometimes with young children is like you're trying to hurt cats.
47:36
[SPEAKER_02]: But then you'll see a elderly couple or a table full of elderly people or even one they're sitting off in the corner just smiling and watching and then they'll come kind of patch on the show and say,
47:46
[SPEAKER_02]: and join Wileyland.
47:48
[SPEAKER_02]: You kind of looking at them in the beginning, like, you know, out of here, I'm trying to get these jokes up to me.
47:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So they can go lay down.
47:55
[SPEAKER_02]: They're like, listen, you're going to blink and they're going to be leaving off of college.
47:59
[SPEAKER_02]: That's why you're going to be wishing that you had this noise around the house because the deafening of silence that you're about to experience once those children have went off and started their lives here.
48:13
[SPEAKER_02]: You'll wish for these days again.
48:15
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're gonna be sitting there with Ethan Joy over a grit of how you showed up and then show up.
48:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
48:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And ultimately, they didn't ask to be here.
48:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So, you brought them in here.
48:26
[SPEAKER_00]: We always talk about it, bro.
48:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You're in this world.
48:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I take you out.
48:28
[SPEAKER_00]: How about we just prepare?
48:29
[SPEAKER_00]: How about that, man?
48:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I think we had a good spot, man.
48:35
[SPEAKER_00]: It's weird now because I did my, did my, did my university.
48:39
[SPEAKER_00]: My university and my godfather said, they didn't get to these advertisements.
48:45
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, I'm thankful.
48:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's what it is.
48:50
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you made it this far in the show, hop in the comments if you haven't already and tell us which is grateful for your like the time in when you ride with us, when we frustrated about a thing, right?
49:04
[SPEAKER_00]: What is what we being grateful for for our children?
49:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, anything else to close?
49:08
[SPEAKER_02]: No, that's it.
49:09
[SPEAKER_02]: times them be mindful and enjoy those gears.