Latest / TFEs: Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. (sports) / First Day Feelings

Transcript

First Day Feelings · TFEs: Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. (sports)

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: All right, coming up on this week's edition of TFE's podcast,
• 0:07
  there are tears for the first day of school. There
• 0:11
  are tears for the lack of control. And there are
• 0:14
  tears as we remember 9-11. So to say that this
• 0:17
  is a very full and robust TFE's.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: I think is maybe an understatement. Massive.
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: I did not think or envision us going to 9-11,
• 0:27
  but I just kind of brought it there. So that
• 0:29
  ended it in a pretty bizarre spot. But this podcast
• 0:32
  is a place where we share what we're thinking, feeling,
• 0:34
  and that was obviously really relevant here in a couple
• 0:36
  of days. The tears around days in school, completely understood.
• 0:41
  Tears around control, not surprised. My frustration around control was
• 0:44
  articulated as well, not surprised. I started in a darker spot,
• 0:48
  went in a sadder, somber spot, but feeling better.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: When feeling lighter, that's what TFBs does for you.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Let's go. What's going on? Welcome into TFBs, darling. Kelsey
• 1:03
  Riggs-Cuff here on what I would say, we're recording this
• 1:08
  on a Wednesday. It feels like a heavy Sunday afternoon,
• 1:15
  like something more is pending. It's been a long, short
• 1:19
  week already. It's been an emotional week. It's been a
• 1:24
  charged week. It's been two days because Monday was a holiday.
• 1:31
  It's been an interesting two days. A lot of that
• 1:35
  has to do with these going to school, which we'll
• 1:37
  get to. Clearly, I have some TFEs.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go ahead, girl.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: So, yeah. Hi. Let's do TFEs off the top. I'm
• 1:46
  glad you at least said, go ahead, girl, so you
• 1:47
  got a couple thoughts in before I just Rambled.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: This is a monologue. Go ahead.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Thoughts are that it's been a long two days. A
• 1:56
  good two days still. Like pleasantly surprised and proud of
• 2:02
  days and all those things with me and Pat. But
• 2:06
  also as we sit down to like talk about real
• 2:08
  life things, there's like other things always circling our orbit,
• 2:13
  which is I feel like complicated. Feelings are....
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Grateful and heavy at the same time.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Like, Dayspa has gone to two days of school, and
• 2:26
  in those two days of school, he's gone to two
• 2:28
  full hours of school.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Exactly.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: But he's gone through the process two days. He's been
• 2:34
  excited about it. He's excited about the future. And so
• 2:38
  I'm really grateful for that. But it is still heavy. Like,
• 2:41
  my baby is going to school for the next at
• 2:47
  least what? 16 years? 12 years? Like, four years before
• 2:53
  he starts... Math's not your strong suit, maybe.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, 16. You nailed it. I was like, math is
• 2:58
  actually probably my strong suit.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: He's going to high school.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: After that, we'll see what happens.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I said at least. So.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: He could be a doctor and go for the next
• 3:04
  28 years. Thank God. He could not go any further education.
• 3:06
  He can do whatever he wants, hopefully. Wow.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: But that's, like, a weird feeling, especially for me as
• 3:13
  a first-time mom of, like, knowing that, like, summers are
• 3:17
  always going to end and there's always... It's cool. It's
• 3:22
  a different feeling for you as a dad, I think.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: Emotions are too big to unpack.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: It's been like a roller coaster of the last couple
• 3:32
  of days and I can really impact them as we
• 3:34
  like dive into Dace's first day of school, but also
• 3:38
  something not to get us on a different tangent, but
• 3:40
  something that I was just like looking more into and
• 3:43
  thinking about before is just like the feeling of control.
• 3:49
  That I feel like I just never fully have and
• 3:53
  I want. And I feel like it affects and impacts
• 3:57
  so many different parts of life.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: And I don't know what the answer is to like
• 4:04
  how to fix it.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I did start with my throw-up therapist for the first time,
• 4:09
  so very excited about that.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I do think that's some control issues too of just
• 4:13
  like- I have to come back to that. How do
• 4:15
  I put all of this in a place? Anybody just
• 4:16
  tuning in is like, there's a throw-up therapist? What the
• 4:17
  hell is this show? There's a throw-up therapist, y'all.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Found her. Y'all.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Very grateful, y'all. Y'all come back now, you hear?
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: And so I have some bigger picture thoughts on control
• 4:28
  as well as we kind of dive into everything. But
• 4:30
  I'm going to let you get your TFE's out first,
• 4:32
  and then we can figure out more. Do we want
• 4:34
  to dive into the control first or just- Put it
• 4:37
  all out with Adace's first day of school.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Can I address control before? You want to control to
• 4:43
  be a broader topic, so I will not address control.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: No, it's okay. I don't have to control that part
• 4:47
  about control.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: If you want to go there, let's go.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: Control for a moment. I just didn't want to take
• 4:53
  away your TFVs. Whatever you talk about your emotional state there,
• 4:56
  it made me Anchorman. When I quote Anchorman, do you
• 4:59
  have any clue what I'm talking about?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, of course.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: When he loses Baxter, I'm in a glass case of emotion.
• 5:05
  That part I know. I don't remember who Baxter is.
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: But for some reason, when you said your emotions, I
• 5:08
  had a, just like, that's what pops in my head. Like,
• 5:11
  I wanted to see you do the Will Ferrell.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: My bad.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I digress.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: I listened to everything you said, but I got turned
• 5:16
  to the side there for a second. My thoughts are,
• 5:23
  I like need this right now. I'm like a little,
• 5:25
  I'm very tight and a little frustrated. You mentioned control,
• 5:28
  which I think is very interesting because I think we'll
• 5:31
  i had the i kind of wanted to talk about
• 5:33
  that too but in a different form like so i'll
• 5:36
  leave that separately um just letting other shit affect me
• 5:42
  is is is kind of like something i think i
• 5:45
  need to work on the next like couple weeks a
• 5:47
  month like control we can control and we'll come back
• 5:49
  to that because i that's what has like hijacked my
• 5:53
  day and bothering me um A little bit is not
• 5:57
  allowing my response to be the way that it should be,
• 6:00
  to make my day more productive, essentially. So my feelings
• 6:04
  are a little tight, a little angry, not even thinking
• 6:09
  about Dace's second day of school.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: We could unpack all that.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Somebody got derailed from that.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: As far as that, I have a ton of gratitude for...
• 6:17
  And we'll touch on this a little bit.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: I think how.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: he seemed prepared to go to school. And I think
• 6:24
  that's partially a product of our lives and just needing
• 6:27
  the village to raise him. But he was ready to go.
• 6:29
  He was ready to step into that room and not
• 6:31
  cry and, and be great. So I'm grateful that he
• 6:34
  was in the state to do that and made, I
• 6:37
  think it easier, definitely easier on me, maybe a little
• 6:40
  bit easier on you. Um, but awful grateful. We haven't
• 6:43
  talked since Lyra went to school, the same thing. Like
• 6:45
  she was so excited about school and that like, A
• 6:48
  lot of parents don't have that.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: And I feel for that.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: And so I'm very grateful for how they've approached that
• 6:54
  and how comfortable and confident they are going into those spaces.
• 6:57
  Because that would add a level of anxiety and challenge
• 7:00
  to these last couple of weeks and next weeks ahead
• 7:02
  of us if it was different. So very grateful for that.
• 7:07
  And my emotions are, I guess I'm excited for the
• 7:10
  next hour to 45 to 110. Maybe I'll come out
• 7:14
  of here feeling a lot better than I am coming in.
• 7:17
  Because right now I'm coming in like, the yoga this
• 7:20
  morning feels like it was 10 days ago.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: That is gone. So we're going to try to reset here.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: I think that's why, because like we said, what we
• 7:27
  were talking about was the first day in school and
• 7:28
  all these bigger picture conversations with that. And we are,
• 7:31
  but because of the morning we had, I feel like
• 7:34
  it's insincere to just sit down and smile and act
• 7:37
  like we're not mentally in a completely different place. And
• 7:41
  that's why when I was downstairs getting ready, I'm like,
• 7:44
  what is it about control?
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Because to me, that's part of it.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I've talked about Mel Robbins and the Mel Robbins theory
• 7:50
  and her idea and book, Let Them, and that it
• 7:55
  was recommended to me and listening and learning more about that,
• 7:59
  but practicing what she says, which is basically everybody else
• 8:04
  is going to do what they're going to do and
• 8:05
  you have to just let them. You have to control
• 8:07
  what you can control. And it's a great idea. It's
• 8:11
  just so hard in actuality to live it. And so
• 8:15
  then I was like, what is it about control that, like,
• 8:19
  do you ever really have control?
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Can I answer that?
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: No.
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  Speaker 3: And that's where I think our problem is. And I
• 8:27
  say our, it's like humans. You have this illusion or
• 8:30
  belief that you can't control these things. And I do believe,
• 8:34
  before I went through therapy, I literally thought, yeah, I
• 8:37
  can control this thing.
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  Speaker 2: It's just not possible.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: My problem, and I think a lot, I'll just speak
• 8:41
  for myself, is I feel like I've been equipped now
• 8:46
  to understand that you can say emphatically, I cannot control
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  all these things. The only thing I can control is
• 8:51
  how I respond to them and how I let them
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  affect me and then how I respond to them.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: And that's my biggest frustration.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: It's like, I'm very aware of this and I'm still
• 9:01
  doing the other shit. And it's making it that that's,
• 9:04
  that's the hard part is to actually, to your point,
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  employ what Mel Robbins is saying, or my therapist is saying,
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  or what most people say, like you let them do
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  your thing. And then how are you responding to it?
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  That's going to be constructive, productive, impactful for yourself. It's
• 9:18
  just hard to do that maybe emotionless or without the
• 9:21
  frustration that you can't control it. And then letting them
• 9:25
  is easier said than done.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: The only reason I would challenge that and part of
• 9:29
  why I was thinking about this and looking things up
• 9:32
  on it is because it's like, are we ever really
• 9:35
  in control? And you say no. And one of the
• 9:39
  quotes that I found, yes, but a much smaller territory
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  than we sometimes imagine, which I think is kind of
• 9:46
  what you're saying.
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  Speaker 2: Like, I think focusing on what we can control.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: We can't control the bigger things, but to think that
• 9:53
  we're not in control at all is not the case
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  because we are.
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  Speaker 2: We're still in control of everything that you just said of.
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  Speaker 3: What we're doing yeah you can't control is an illusion
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  because you can't control the broader thing all you can
• 10:06
  do is what you can you only can control yourself
• 10:08
  and that's.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Part of the challenge it says I retain agency over
• 10:14
  what is mine to choose even though I don't control
• 10:16
  what happens next And I was like, that hits hard
• 10:20
  for me or hits home for me because I feel
• 10:24
  like there are so many different things in life where
• 10:28
  you get to consciously or subconsciously control how you act
• 10:33
  or react to something. And it's so hard because you
• 10:39
  don't know what's on the other side of it. So
• 10:41
  it's like, if I don't say this, then that. If
• 10:43
  I do say this, then that. If I don't do this,
• 10:45
  if I don't send this email, if I don't, push
• 10:49
  harder for something, then what is the outcome? And you
• 10:52
  don't know either way. And I feel like that's where
• 10:55
  sometimes I at least get caught in the loop of, okay, well,
• 11:00
  if I do this, at least I have more control.
• 11:03
  And a lot of the things in our life that
• 11:05
  are frustrating that we want to have control over, as
• 11:09
  much as we don't know what's happening on the other side,
• 11:11
  we kind of do. A lot of things always end
• 11:14
  up the same way. No matter what we say or do,
• 11:16
  a lot of things... happened the way that we would
• 11:19
  project for them to happen out.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: So you think, what do you mean by that?
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I'm saying you and I in our life and a
• 11:28
  lot of things that happen. If we sit here and
• 11:31
  we say, okay, if we do this, this might happen
• 11:35
  or that might not happen. Okay, or let's like try this.
• 11:37
  Let's do this instead. Maybe it'll be a different. It
• 11:40
  always is kind of, it ends up in the same place,
• 11:43
  regardless of what we do or don't say.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: In life?
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Not always, but I think some of the bigger picture
• 11:52
  issues that we are trying to control always end up
• 11:55
  in the same place, whether we say more or less. Okay.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: I can't, I can't, we can't have this conversation like that.
• 12:00
  This is the thing that bothers me as I do
• 12:03
  think a lot of, um, a lot of our challenges
• 12:07
  are a lot of things I think I've gotten better
• 12:09
  at letting go of or not control type things are, um,
• 12:14
  Things that are not significant or that are... Sometimes it's work-related,
• 12:18
  like I want to control, but I just know that's
• 12:20
  not how this thing works. You can do this and
• 12:22
  this and then just kind of put yourself in a
• 12:23
  situation and hope it works. Co-parenting is what my biggest
• 12:29
  challenge in the world is right now. And that's the
• 12:31
  problem is when you have... Obviously, it is the thing
• 12:34
  that we are most emotionally connected to, our kids. And
• 12:38
  I parent one kid and with somebody who we may
• 12:41
  not always see eye to eye, but me and you
• 12:42
  are rowing in the same direction. And we can work
• 12:44
  through different problems or challenges or things, and we're working together.
• 12:49
  The problem with co-parenting, when you have a co-parent that
• 12:52
  their goal is to be adversarial, it just makes everything
• 12:56
  more challenging. And my problem is, again, it's the thing
• 12:59
  you're most emotionally connected to and care about, your child
• 13:01
  and her well-being and outcome.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: And that is the....
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: One of the banes of our, in my existence is
• 13:09
  this current setup we have here where, um, I just,
• 13:14
  I hope over time the other party looks at it
• 13:17
  and says, how do, being an adversary is not productive.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: It's, it's exhausting. It's pointless. It's not helping Lyra. It
• 13:26
  can't be helping herself.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: And if the goal is to not help me or you, well,
• 13:30
  I guess you want a little bit cause it's frustrating.
• 13:33
  But ultimately, frustrating us doesn't really matter. It's what's going
• 13:36
  to affect the effect on Lyra. And that is my
• 13:40
  hope that at some point that is understood because I
• 13:43
  know there are people listening out there that have co-parenting
• 13:45
  challenges and have challenges with exes and different things with
• 13:49
  kids that it's one of the hardest things where you
• 13:53
  can control what you can control because it matters so
• 13:56
  much to you. And in the ideal scenario, you are
• 14:00
  doing this in a place where the person's either working
• 14:02
  with you, Or if you're doing it on your own,
• 14:04
  you're doing it on your own. And that's gotta be really,
• 14:06
  really challenging in all its own rights. But you're doing
• 14:09
  it the best to your ability and hopeful with counsel
• 14:11
  and support from others. When there is an adversarial opponent
• 14:15
  to something, almost everything, the smallest things become the biggest
• 14:19
  mountains for no reason other than to be an adversary.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: That is a hard way to go. So where do
• 14:27
  you think the control factors in with all of this?
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Like what is the step that of like, Actually controlling
• 14:35
  what you and we can control and figuring out how
• 14:39
  to make the best decisions, but protect the peace. Because
• 14:45
  to me, sometimes that's the thing that, they talk about
• 14:49
  balance in life is like an illusion. You're never actually
• 14:51
  going to have balance, whether it's being working parents. The
• 14:55
  seesaw is always tipped one way. And so when it's
• 14:58
  like looking out for what you think is more important,
• 15:00
  but trying to protect your peace, Is there ever a
• 15:04
  real balance when you're searching for the bigger picture of
• 15:07
  how you control all of these situations or how we? Yeah.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think there's the, when you, you
• 15:14
  mentioned this from protecting the peace, I feel like a
• 15:16
  lot of it, that's what we, that is our response
• 15:19
  to a lot of this thing is control. We control
• 15:21
  by not trying to get into an argument or not
• 15:24
  trying to definitely not having Lyra feel anything and make
• 15:27
  sure that she is, supported, and honestly glorify her mother
• 15:32
  and everything her mother is doing for her, make her
• 15:34
  feel as confident as possible in everything that's going on
• 15:36
  when we're not there. And then when we are here,
• 15:38
  be there to support her, be there to care for her,
• 15:40
  and try to, yeah.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: Not play in the mud.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: And honestly, some of that feels like the goal to
• 15:46
  me is to not play in the mud. But some
• 15:49
  things where you're just trying to do stuff for Lyra's benefit,
• 15:52
  they are head scratching.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: It's like, why are we doing this? What is this?
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: And that's And honestly, we have that, me and you
• 16:00
  have that conversation more than I think we should because
• 16:03
  it's like, and if we were truly able to just
• 16:08
  let it be in control, we can control, it would
• 16:12
  be better off for us. I think the concern of
• 16:15
  that is, will it be better off for Lear on
• 16:17
  the end? And when we don't know that outcome, that's
• 16:21
  the hard part. I think when it's about us in life,
• 16:24
  I think we're much more comfortable, like, you know, not comfortable,
• 16:27
  but it's, It's our lives. It's we're adults. It's different
• 16:31
  when it's a child. And you're like, well, what's this
• 16:34
  going to mean? Or how's this going to go? How
• 16:35
  does this impact her? What will she feel? What will
• 16:37
  she say? What will she learn? And there's a million questions.
• 16:41
  And again, I'm not sure those questions are on the
• 16:43
  other side of the table being asked or even concerned with.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: So that's, therein lies the frustration.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: And I've never fully articulated on this pod, but I could,
• 16:52
  we can't keep dancing around it. Like that's not a
• 16:54
  huge issue because it's a huge freaking issue.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think everything that you just said, honestly, like
• 17:01
  bigger picture leads us into like what we're going through
• 17:04
  this week with not going through, but like with school
• 17:06
  and everything else, because that is also like complete letting
• 17:11
  go of control because you're, especially for Dace, like.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: We're choosing to send him to school.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Like we need to, but also like, it's not like
• 17:18
  he has to go to school yet. He's only two
• 17:20
  years old. And so that's also like relinquishing control on
• 17:25
  a bigger thing and making decisions that you hope are
• 17:28
  going to be in his best interest, but like not
• 17:31
  knowing what's on the other side of it. And I
• 17:34
  think that's hard in general as a parent and as
• 17:38
  you're alluding to through co-parenting situations as well. Especially the
• 17:42
  last thing I was thinking about that is like, when
• 17:46
  you mentioned not rowing in the same boat, but when
• 17:48
  you're looking at one thing and it's red and somebody
• 17:52
  else is looking at the same thing and it's blue.
• 17:56
  And it's just like, how do you ever meet in
• 17:58
  the middle when you're looking at the same thing, but
• 18:01
  it seems like you could not be looking at... You
• 18:04
  could be up in the air and the other person
• 18:06
  could be under or whatever it is. And so it's
• 18:08
  hard to... figure out how to respond. It's hard to
• 18:12
  figure out how to control, hard to let them, and
• 18:16
  hard to figure out what's best for the kids. The
• 18:19
  bigger picture decision that we made, that five day a
• 18:23
  week preschool, is what's best for Dave. I, It is.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: But as I said, if you want to keep him
• 18:32
  home or... He doesn't have to go all five days
• 18:35
  all the time. But we have the opportunity to do it.
• 18:38
  And from a cost standpoint, it just made sense. It
• 18:41
  just made too much sense. It was like $ 800 more
• 18:43
  for like three days a week.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: We originally signed up for two.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I don't want them to change our cost structure at
• 18:49
  that school. Don't do that. It's phenomenal cost structure.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I know. And it's good and he's going to love it.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I am the biggest thing I'm interested in.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: And seeing is what he's like when he actually is
• 19:00
  going every single day. Because he's never had anything that
• 19:03
  he does every single day.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Other than... Be with us.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Other than be with us and ask to watch television,
• 19:09
  since he learned what television was. He's so obsessed with
• 19:11
  that right now. But I think he's going to love it.
• 19:16
  It'll be interesting to see him find a routine. Now,
• 19:18
  he does know what he knows is bedtime routine. He's
• 19:21
  ready to go to bed. There are routines he does
• 19:23
  operate in that... He's pretty good at it. Maybe because
• 19:26
  his father likes to be raised at gunpoint.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Who knows?
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: In terms of his regiment. But I'm interested to see
• 19:32
  his response to that. I think he'll be fine. More importantly,
• 19:37
  how did you feel when we dropped him off and
• 19:40
  my man ran in the room and didn't really even
• 19:42
  say goodbye to you? Did that make you feel better
• 19:45
  or worse when you saw that transpire?
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: Well, you're skipping a lot of steps before I go.
• 19:50
  to that part. Then tell me.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I don't have very much makeup on today for a
• 19:53
  reason because I know that I'm going to cry again.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Take us through the whole journey then.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: Whatever, wherever you want to start, whatever you want to do,
• 19:59
  whatever you want to unpack, whatever questions you want to ask.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: I won't ask any more than that. The floor is yours.
• 20:03
  It started when I found out I was pregnant. No,
• 20:05
  I'm just kidding. Yeah, definitely.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Um, You know, honestly, like when we signed him up
• 20:11
  for five days, I had a lot of emotions about
• 20:13
  it because I think we were previously signed up for
• 20:15
  two days when the five-day opened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, boy.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: What a tournament.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Anyways, so I had a lot of emotions when we
• 20:25
  did that because I was like, wait, what are we doing?
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: And how is this going to change our life?
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: And now my slow mornings with my baby are literally
• 20:32
  gone now forever. Like that's all I got was two
• 20:35
  years of slow mornings with him. You act like we
• 20:37
  don't have weekends. You act like weekends don't exist. I know,
• 20:39
  but like my normal seven, eight weeks in the weekends.
• 20:43
  And still weeks, I mean. And so that was an
• 20:47
  emotional journey. And then as we've gotten closer to it, honestly,
• 20:50
  like I feel like we've just been so busy and
• 20:53
  it coincides with... starting school a week before, us both
• 20:56
  going back to work, you're starting a new job. We're
• 20:59
  like figuring out how to manage all the things that
• 21:01
  it was kind of like, okay, yeah, he's going to
• 21:02
  start school Tuesday, which was like an emotional thought, but
• 21:04
  not a thought or space that I was really living in.
• 21:07
  I mean, the night before he was starting school, we
• 21:09
  ended up, we were going to have one set of
• 21:11
  neighbors over and we ended up you know, inviting five
• 21:14
  different families over and hosting a party.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: Do you know why this week feels longer? Do you
• 21:17
  know why this week feels longer? It's like Monday became like,
• 21:19
  felt like a weekend and had like a party day. Like,
• 21:21
  and it was a lot of fun. We had a
• 21:22
  great time, but it just became a much different day.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: And this was like a 3 p.m., maybe like, I
• 21:27
  don't know, 1.30 p.m.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Decide to have a party at five kind of day. I, sorry.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: I have to do this non sequitur here. This is
• 21:35
  part of why I love you. Because I love like
• 21:38
  doing stuff with people and having friends over and like, hey,
• 21:42
  you know, we just happened. And I forget even what
• 21:45
  was the impetus for like one group of our neighbors.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they've done so much. I was like, let's invite
• 21:50
  them over for dinner, which we still need to probably
• 21:51
  do because that didn't feel like we like were formally like,
• 21:53
  thank you. Come, let us cook you dinner. That was
• 21:56
  more like, oh, by the way, there's 12 other people here. Welcome.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: In your defense, the start was come on over. Let's
• 22:02
  take care of you. And then I was like, well,
• 22:03
  Lyra's having a play day with her friends. We like
• 22:05
  them a lot. Why don't you guys come over? And then, oh,
• 22:07
  you guys are going out on the beach. Why don't
• 22:08
  you come over? And it went from four people to 15, which,
• 22:11
  but it was great. And I do love the fact
• 22:12
  that like you, not only did you want to do that,
• 22:16
  then like drive driving force behind it. Like it was
• 22:19
  just fun and it wasn't, didn't feel like overwhelming or
• 22:22
  we're doing too much work, whatever. It was a moment
• 22:24
  that we got to enjoy with our friends and Lear
• 22:26
  had a lot of fun.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: They said fun. That was a great Labor Day. It
• 22:29
  was Labor Day.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: It was a great.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: That was awesome. And it was out of literally nowhere.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Just one of the many reasons I love you. I
• 22:35
  appreciate that.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I love you too for being able to go along
• 22:39
  with the flow.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: You were at work. I'm ordering more food.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Then I'm like, okay, I'm going to invite more people
• 22:43
  on and put more chicken in the car. Are you
• 22:44
  okay with grilling it? I'll do all the prep work before.
• 22:47
  Tell me what I need to do. And then I
• 22:48
  didn't want you to get home from work and then
• 22:50
  be like, now you have me cooking grilling for 15
• 22:52
  people because as much as I don't know how to
• 22:54
  cook and I can figure it out, I.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Don't know how to grill.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I could not even figure that out.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: I literally did say it because we taped a segment
• 23:01
  at like 2.45 or 3.30 show. And I got done
• 23:04
  and I stood up, I looked at my phone and
• 23:06
  I go, wow, okay, I guess that's it. Like I
• 23:08
  said out loud, Mike, I guess it's happening.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: And the producer goes, what's happening?
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: What's wrong? And I go, oh, it's about this. I'm
• 23:16
  going to go home and grill for like 15 people.
• 23:17
  He goes, what?
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: I go, yeah, I think we're having people over. I
• 23:20
  get home and he's like, when? I'm like, show them
• 23:22
  it's 4.30. I'll be home at five.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: We're grilling. Like, here we go. He said, okay, have fun.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I did keep piling more on. What I love about
• 23:31
  you is.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: That every time I said, wait, I think we should
• 23:32
  ask these people too while you're at work, you're like,
• 23:34
  do it. Great idea. Yes, go. That's great. If we're
• 23:37
  doing it, let's do it. So the whole point of
• 23:40
  that sidebar conversation was the night before day started school,
• 23:43
  I hardly had time to think about it. We had
• 23:45
  a house full of people, which we love and was
• 23:48
  part of like, when we moved in, we wrote down
• 23:50
  goals that we wanted for the house and for the
• 23:52
  family and things like that. Are we overdue? Did we
• 23:56
  do this year's?
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: We haven't.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: We're starting year three.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, no. What month is it?
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: It's September. We're less than two and a half years
• 24:05
  in this house.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: We're not in March. Jeez.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: I don't remember doing a second year.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: We did. We did?
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we did.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Year one, I thought. It's in the same notebook. We did.
• 24:14
  What about year two? We did. Yeah. Year one, we
• 24:17
  did literally just sleeping on a mattress with boxes all
• 24:21
  around us.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: No, that's the first year. And then we had a
• 24:22
  full year in the house. And we did it last year.
• 24:24
  And you're telling me we did it. We've done it
• 24:25
  now three times.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: No, twice.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: But we're missing a year. That's my point.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: No, we're not.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: We did it when we first moved in. Back to
• 24:31
  the math, babe. Okay. First move in. That's the original time. See,
• 24:34
  that's what I'm asking you. We are missing- One year
• 24:36
  is March.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're missing March of last year. That's- That's what
• 24:41
  I just said. And then you were like, no, it's
• 24:42
  only September. So you talked me out of it.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: No, I didn't.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I clarified what we were talking about. Yes, we're at
• 24:48
  two of three years. We should be three times done.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Damn. Well, this one's going to be two and a
• 24:53
  half years in. Clearly. And see how we did. Sounds
• 24:56
  like we have a good.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: We have a date night tomorrow, which is a hilarious
• 24:59
  sidebar thing that I love about my husband. How he
• 25:01
  asks me on dates is he puts it on our
• 25:03
  calendar and I have to respond yes or no.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: Like you're going to say now. So I think we're done.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: It's really not a question. Do you not consent? Your
• 25:10
  consent is the yes button.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Go ahead. It's very romantic. All right.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I was just going to say.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: It's definitely spontaneous. It is spontaneous.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Part of our date night tomorrow is that we can
• 25:21
  do our new goals for the house.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, babe.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you. I was just doing a presentation.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I don't know what you were doing. I was trying
• 25:26
  to grab your hand, but it's too far to reach.
• 25:29
  Dear God, I'm so off the rails right now.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Okay. So Labor Day.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Couldn't think about days. We had a huge party.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: And then I think that was good because I was busy.
• 25:39
  One of our other friends who was over here, her
• 25:41
  daughter was starting school for the first time the next day.
• 25:42
  So we're both like, ah, this is crazy, but we'll see.
• 25:45
  And then Monday, Tuesday happened. It's first day of school.
• 25:51
  I think I did pretty good in the morning. I
• 25:57
  was not super emotional. I got really emotional when he
• 26:00
  and I were going to the playground date the week
• 26:02
  before and we walked out the house. And honestly, what
• 26:05
  made me emotional, I'm just gonna try to say it,
• 26:07
  so it just made me emotional now as he was
• 26:08
  like walking out and I'm like, you're gonna meet friends.
• 26:10
  I was just thinking like, oh my God, world, be
• 26:12
  nice to my baby. And that makes me cry. Like thinking,
• 26:17
  thinking about like how, what he learns and how he's
• 26:20
  perceived and.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: You know, the good and bad that'll come out of life.
• 26:23
  Like that kind of.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Stuff is like, Where my mom hurts hard is like,
• 26:28
  I hope he has all these good things in life
• 26:30
  moving forward. So that was part of the play date.
• 26:33
  And then when we were leaving that morning, Lira was
• 26:37
  so excited. And my big thing is I never want
• 26:40
  to pass things that I feel onto the kids. I
• 26:43
  want them to know that it's okay to have emotions.
• 26:45
  I want them to know that it's okay to have fears.
• 26:48
  But as part of like, literally, I'm making the joke
• 26:49
  about a throw-up therapist, part of why I'm meeting with her.
• 26:52
  I'm serious.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: That's all right. Don't laugh at me. Just say you're
• 26:55
  a therapist. Don't say a throw-up therapist.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Well, she is, but we're specializing in throw-up. That's her
• 27:00
  specialty or something she's handled before? I don't think that's
• 27:02
  her specialty is throw-up.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: I said we're specializing in it together. Oh, okay. Well, great.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: She does. She specializes in phobias and anxieties and things
• 27:09
  like that and autometaphobia, in case you're wondering. Okay. Um, and, um,
• 27:15
  that's part of why I want to work with her
• 27:17
  because I don't want this, um, irrational fear that I
• 27:20
  have if they're all up to be something that the
• 27:22
  kids see or feel or that limits their experiences or
• 27:26
  that gets passed down to them. But same thing with emotions.
• 27:28
  Like I know, especially the last couple of weeks with
• 27:31
  Daisy's very like, if I'm in the room, mommy, oh
• 27:34
  my God, like just needy. and emotional. And so I
• 27:40
  don't want to pass my emotions to him that morning.
• 27:42
  I just want him to be happy and confident. And
• 27:46
  so I was okay most of the morning and then
• 27:48
  Lear left and we had to hurry up and get
• 27:50
  his stuff out the door too. Seeing him with his
• 27:52
  little backpack on was like full send. I'm ready to
• 27:55
  lose it. It was cute. God, it was cute, but
• 27:58
  it's sad because he's so big. And then you looked
• 28:04
  at me once in the car and said, are you okay?
• 28:06
  And so then obviously I wasn't because as soon as
• 28:08
  you say, are you okay? Then I'm like, don't fucking
• 28:10
  look at me right now.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I'm not okay.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Don't make eye contact. You did it on the way
• 28:14
  in and you like grabbed my hand or pat my
• 28:16
  back or something. You're like, it's gonna be good. And
• 28:18
  I was like, don't talk to me until we leave.
• 28:23
  So I got a little emotional in the car and
• 28:24
  then I was okay. Until we got out of the
• 28:27
  car and I was like, oh, nice. Yay, we're here. Like,
• 28:30
  you're going to go to your first day of school.
• 28:31
  Are you so excited? And he said, yeah. And I
• 28:34
  took him out of his car seat and I picked
• 28:37
  him up and he looked at me and he was like,
• 28:39
  I'm so brave, mama. And I was just like, oh
• 28:42
  my God. And then I couldn't help but cry because
• 28:46
  then I was so proud of him. I was also
• 28:48
  proud of us. That's one of our affirmations that we
• 28:50
  do in the morning. I do think it matters that
• 28:53
  every day they're hearing like, I'm strong, I'm brave, I'm kind,
• 28:56
  I'm smart, I'm unique, I'm capable, I'm enough, I'm loved.
• 28:59
  And so we hadn't talked that morning, I'm sure in
• 29:02
  the weeks leading up to it, I've said something For
• 29:06
  him to just like come to that conclusion. I was like, well, God,
• 29:10
  now I'm going to walk into this school mess. So
• 29:13
  thank God I had glasses until we had to walk in.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: You were trying to keep it together? I didn't know
• 29:16
  you were like really, I didn't know. I was just like, man,
• 29:18
  she's doing pretty well.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you meant that I was not keeping
• 29:21
  it together. No, I was like, man, she's really, she's
• 29:23
  doing better.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was wiping my eyes the whole ride. I mean,
• 29:25
  the whole walk in around all these.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Well, I knew you had your glasses on, but I
• 29:28
  just thought you'd be like, just.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: Wobbly shaking crying I waited until we got home on
• 29:32
  the back porch to really like fall into your arms
• 29:35
  and completely.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Cry a little bit outside before we walked in um
• 29:40
  But I didn't want to be sad. Like, Dace was excited.
• 29:43
  And if he saw me not excited, then he would
• 29:46
  be like, what's wrong with mommy? Yeah. And so we
• 29:49
  got there, and boy, when they opened that classroom door,
• 29:54
  that boy couldn't have sprinted inside faster. Just no regard
• 29:58
  for the fact that we're not coming in with him.
• 30:00
  No goodbye. He just ran straight in, started playing to
• 30:03
  him and this one other little boy, and we're handing
• 30:07
  the teachers their stuff.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: And then I'm like, Dace, can you come give me
• 30:10
  a kiss? And he like waddles all over all fast.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: Give me a kiss.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: And then turns right around and plays. And I was like,
• 30:16
  he just waved at me like that. I'm gone.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: And that was it.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: Same thing today. He's like clingy. When we get out
• 30:23
  of the car, I don't know why he does this.
• 30:24
  Like mama, don't put me down thing. And like, we'll walk.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: But then as soon as, and I tried to put
• 30:28
  him down, we'd cross the street.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: We'll walk.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: And all the other kids are walking.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like, you got to walk.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: All the other kids are walking. Like you're a big boy.
• 30:34
  You got to do it. Doesn't want to. But as
• 30:35
  soon as we get close to the school, like, okay,
• 30:37
  we're here.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: You got to walk.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: And then he's proud to walk inside.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Um, And then I think the underrated thing of school
• 30:44
  for kids this age.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I mean, he's only there for an hour right now.
• 30:48
  Soft launch. This is an unbelievable soft launch.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: One hour.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Give me one. Keep going. Just keep talking.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: One hour at a time. The underrated thing is, even
• 30:56
  though it's only an hour, the just huge smile on
• 31:03
  his face and the way he sprints out of that
• 31:05
  classroom when he sees you out there. Like, you've been
• 31:06
  gone for 12 days and he's so excited and... So
• 31:10
  the way his little face lights up, it's like, oh
• 31:12
  my God, cool, you guys are back.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: But he didn't miss us.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: He had a great time.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: So I didn't cry today. That's good, babe.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: You know, I cried enough yesterday.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: And we did good. I did good on the way there.
• 31:28
  I cried pretty much the whole ride home with you.
• 31:29
  We couldn't really talk. I just kept going, trying to
• 31:33
  catch my breath. And then when we got out of
• 31:34
  the car and we walked in, you hugged me. Then
• 31:36
  I could really cry. I think I just needed to
• 31:38
  get out. And now he's going to be in school
• 31:41
  for the next 16 years.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: On that perfect note, this is why I am not...
• 31:47
  There are two things. I already said I was grateful
• 31:48
  for how he has approached this and how you've approached
• 31:51
  it with him and he's prepared and he seems happy there.
• 31:55
  But it is a marked difference of going to preschool
• 31:58
  to me than going to that first day of kindergarten.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. I'm going to be a wreck for that, too.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: This is where I'm coming back to. You alluded to
• 32:05
  one of the families busy hanging out on Monday. They
• 32:08
  had a daughter that was going to preschool right at
• 32:10
  the same time, too. And she sits about crying. We'll
• 32:15
  see what her dad says. And And he's like, I'll
• 32:19
  be fine. But kindergarten might be a totally different thing.
• 32:21
  And that's why I go, bingo. Because to me, that's
• 32:24
  like the real school journey where we're no longer trying
• 32:26
  to take them.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: If we don't want these to go to a week
• 32:28
  of school, he's just not going to go. That's fine.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: There's no problem with that. He's also only gone for
• 32:33
  those three hours. And right now, we're at an hour.
• 32:36
  Next week, it's an hour and a half. Then, In
• 32:37
  two weeks, we'll get to the three hours. I think
• 32:39
  this is a bit long.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: It's three and a half hours.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: It's gone, okay.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Three and a half. That's excellent. Even better.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: My point is, it's not the eight hours that kindergarten hits.
• 32:47
  I didn't realize kindergarten was that long until we put
• 32:50
  Leah in it. Because when I grew up, it was a.m.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: And p.m.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Session. You said that.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: I can't remember that. I'll have to ask my mom
• 32:54
  if we did that. Miss Ketchel was my teacher. Pleasant
• 32:57
  Valley Elementary School, circa 1988.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: There you go. Yeah.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: I wonder if I can name all my teachers through
• 33:04
  sixth grade.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: I think I can name the rest, but I can't
• 33:06
  remember who my kindergarten teacher was.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: My lady.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: Anyway, my point is that it's three and a half hours.
• 33:12
  It's not that long. He's going to have fun. He's
• 33:14
  going to have a good time. If we want to
• 33:16
  take him out, we can. We are still dropping him off.
• 33:18
  We're still picking up. There's still like that connective tissue.
• 33:21
  When Lear got on that bus to kindergarten.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: As I try not to cry myself. That moment is...
• 33:28
  Because that's literally your... That's the first time I've put
• 33:30
  her in a car that wasn't.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: With a lot.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: Just with society and said, get to where you're going.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: And you'll be gone for eight hours.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: And this is never going to end until you can
• 33:41
  walk out of this house and live on your own. That,
• 33:44
  to me, it was a hard day. And I did
• 33:46
  say to the guy, I go, that one was tough.
• 33:48
  That is a whole different animal. I don't know if
• 33:52
  it is and we will find out. Is it different
• 33:54
  with boys and girls?
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: Because that's the whole thing you just said about world
• 33:57
  be nice to my baby. Like Lyra is very, you know,
• 34:00
  she can be shy. Especially when she was going into kindergarten.
• 34:03
  She's grown a ton in that regard. But be shy,
• 34:06
  be quiet, be uncomfortable. Her feelings can hurt. Like I'm
• 34:08
  worried about her. we'll see if days is like that,
• 34:11
  but right now that little animal's good. So I just
• 34:13
  don't like he, I just don't have that same concern
• 34:16
  for him. And I don't know if it's me just
• 34:18
  being sexist or it is their personalities, which I do
• 34:21
  think is there's truth to that too.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: Um, but we'll find out. He'll get on that.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: But now that's a different thing is if his, he
• 34:27
  goes to school with his sister and she's in fifth grade,
• 34:30
  he's in kindergarten. I don't think it'll feel the same. Uh,
• 34:33
  it'll still be weird for sure. But you're not like saying, world, take.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: Care of him. It's like, well, his sister's there.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, I saw.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, no, I didn't say it won't be hard, but
• 34:40
  I think it does soften the blow to see your
• 34:43
  kids together. And now Lyra is kind of taking that
• 34:45
  mantle to take care of him, which would be kind
• 34:47
  of cool. But kindergarten is a different animal. I think,
• 34:50
  you know, he is ready to go. I'm ready for
• 34:54
  him to go. And we'll be all right. People think
• 34:57
  that you do not.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: That's not true.
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I was going to say people think that you... I
• 35:02
  hate your child.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm ready for you to get out of this house,
• 35:05
  little boy.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to him socializing himself and learning from
• 35:09
  other people and making other friends and growing as a
• 35:12
  little boy and coming home still at 1220 ready for
• 35:16
  the rest of.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: The day with us. I'm looking forward to a couple
• 35:18
  hours in the morning when we get some stuff done.
• 35:20
  That is good. I think this is all good.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: And again, I reiterate as I did to you off air,
• 35:26
  on air, if that little man was struggling or crying
• 35:29
  or unhappy or didn't want to go, I would not
• 35:31
  be feeling like this. It would suck. It would be
• 35:34
  an absolute nightmare. But that's just not the case. So
• 35:37
  if he's happy going, I'm going to be happy he's going.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. If he had a hard time going in,
• 35:42
  that would have been even harder for me.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: But he's never had a hard time, I thought, when
• 35:48
  we first started dating.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: That's also, I think, we knew where he was at
• 35:52
  even when they said they have five days a week.
• 35:54
  We knew the kid we were dealing with at that
• 35:55
  point in time. If he didn't seem set to succeed
• 35:59
  in that element, I wouldn't have been like, yeah, let's
• 36:00
  do it. If he wouldn't have been set to succeed,
• 36:04
  I wouldn't be making jokes. I wouldn't be pushing. I
• 36:07
  would have been much more concerned myself and for you
• 36:11
  about how that's going to go.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: And then probably much more in agreement with, yeah, an
• 36:14
  hour is a good thing. Let's just do an hour.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: But he just isn't that way. So there's emotions to it,
• 36:22
  but I have no worry or anxiety about it. And
• 36:24
  that was not the case with Lyra.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: I think too, the other thing that, I don't know
• 36:29
  when he picked it up, is he would go to
• 36:31
  that at-home daycare occasionally. And then he's had a bunch
• 36:35
  of sitters and stuff. But at some point when I
• 36:38
  would go to drop him off somewhere, whether it was
• 36:39
  like kids club at the gym or anything, He would
• 36:42
  always go, mommy, be right back. And I was like,
• 36:45
  oh yeah, mommy, I'll be right back. So now whenever
• 36:47
  we go somewhere, he's always like, be right back. And
• 36:50
  you said the other day, like you were concerned about it.
• 36:51
  You're like, well, it's not exactly right back. Well, today
• 36:53
  meets an hour, but in two weeks it'll be three hours.
• 36:55
  I know, but I still think like for him, it's like,
• 36:57
  he doesn't understand right back. He just was like, you're
• 37:00
  coming back. And so I'm like, yeah, mommy always comes back.
• 37:04
  I'll be right back pretty soon. Or like, even when
• 37:06
  I was going out of town that long stretch, He
• 37:09
  was like, mommy, be right back. And I was going
• 37:10
  to be like seven days. And I was like, yeah,
• 37:13
  mommy always comes right back. Sometimes right back is a
• 37:15
  little longer, but I'm always coming back. So I'm going
• 37:18
  to have to probably have to unpack that as he
• 37:21
  gets older. But I like that too. That's something that
• 37:23
  he knows and learns. It's like, this is a safe place.
• 37:26
  If my mom and dad say it's safe, this is
• 37:28
  a good thing. They're excited about it because they're always
• 37:30
  coming right back. You had some bigger picture thoughts about
• 37:36
  school and decisions and kids.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: So I think it's interesting that, um, like we went
• 37:44
  and we, we looked at different, uh, preschools for him
• 37:47
  to go to research it, but we did, we were
• 37:48
  a little behind. We weren't like spots had already filled up. Like,
• 37:51
  Oh my God, we gotta, we gotta get on this.
• 37:53
  And so, Anyway, I think we found a place we
• 37:57
  know it and highly recommend it. We feel really good
• 37:59
  about where he's going. We're excited about that. Part of
• 38:01
  why we live in this district is because the public schools,
• 38:03
  like Lira goes to a really good public school system
• 38:05
  and he will too. And I think that's all well
• 38:08
  and good. Like as parents, like we're, we're trying to
• 38:10
  set them up for success. And I think we think,
• 38:11
  at least I do. I feel like I think about
• 38:13
  a lot of the big decisions like that. Like, is
• 38:15
  he going to preschool or not? Are they in school?
• 38:17
  Are they learning? What are they learning? How are we,
• 38:20
  that will shape their lives and how they operate. But, um, like,
• 38:25
  do you feel we focus on them? Like, or do
• 38:27
  you feel we need to focus more on like the
• 38:31
  micro things? Like, are we, and maybe this is like
• 38:33
  me looking at myself and like, am I teaching him enough?
• 38:36
  Am I, am I imploring and like imbuing him with
• 38:39
  the right traits enough, whether that be empathy or confidence
• 38:44
  or keep your hands to yourself? Maybe.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: It's like, it's my, I guess my bigger question was,
• 38:50
  I feel like I'm guilty of thinking about a lot
• 38:53
  of the big decisions we make for our kids do
• 38:55
  i give enough attention to the micro things that are
• 38:58
  going to have a massive macro.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Impact i think it's a good point because there are
• 39:05
  the big things that you worry about that you research
• 39:08
  that you think about that you second guess that you're
• 39:11
  you know try and predict when you can't control them
• 39:14
  how they're gonna how they're gonna play out and how
• 39:16
  they're gonna affect their their lives um I feel like
• 39:20
  for me with the micro decisions, so far he's just
• 39:26
  been so young. I haven't, not never, but especially in
• 39:33
  the first year and a half of his life, I
• 39:35
  wasn't like, oh gosh, I need to teach him this.
• 39:37
  It was like, you need to do tummy time and
• 39:38
  is he going to roll over and when's he going
• 39:40
  to walk and things like that. But it wasn't like
• 39:43
  I felt like other than wanting to read to him
• 39:45
  a lot. It wasn't like I felt like I needed
• 39:47
  to like teach him things. I remember the first time
• 39:49
  he was like in the bath playing with animals and
• 39:51
  he started saying what the animals were.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: And I was like, how the hell do you know that?
• 39:55
  I have literally never been like, this is a lion.
• 39:59
  This is an elephant.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: And then I started thinking, do I need to be
• 40:03
  doing that? Like, is that what I should be doing
• 40:04
  with other things? Lately, I have been, somebody asked him
• 40:07
  his birthday like a week ago. I'm like, you know,
• 40:09
  his birthday.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: So lately I've been telling him when his birthday is.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: He just for the first time said it to you
• 40:13
  when you asked. An hour ago.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: So proud of him.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, now I'm thinking more about
• 40:19
  some of those micro things of like, he is a
• 40:21
  little spunned right now. So what else can I teach
• 40:24
  him and do? And, you know, but then I think
• 40:27
  it comes with pressures too. Cause it's like, sometimes we just,
• 40:30
  he just needs to like play so we can get
• 40:33
  a couple of things done. Like we don't have help.
• 40:34
  We don't have a nanny. We're not constant sitters. Sometimes
• 40:37
  like turn on your Tony box, figure out your way
• 40:41
  too many toys.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: But that's what they say.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: Like, I guess my thing is, I mean, Because my
• 40:45
  thing was I was less worried about, is he learning enough?
• 40:50
  And from like an educational standpoint, it's more like, I
• 40:52
  guess the best examples in terms like life, we have
• 40:56
  metrics and we have, whether it's salaries, approval, ratings or whatever,
• 41:01
  there's metrics that tell you in jobs and in your world,
• 41:05
  are you meeting your goals? Are you meeting the, not
• 41:08
  the goals, your expectations for you individually? And also what's
• 41:10
  the world like expect of this person? And as a kid, it,
• 41:14
  I guess that's part of it.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I guess it is.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, school is one of the few places where
• 41:18
  you're supposed to get... It's where parents... I think that's
• 41:21
  got to be a really tough thing for teachers because
• 41:24
  as you're assessing the child, you somewhat are assessing the parent.
• 41:27
  You need to help your kid get these things. Some
• 41:30
  of them may be educational capabilities. Some of them may
• 41:32
  be socialization. Some of them may be emotional.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: Whatever.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: It's like we don't... This is the hardest job in
• 41:39
  the world and the most important job. And there are
• 41:42
  no metrics for success along the way. Which for me,
• 41:46
  it's kind of like a weird thought. I think I
• 41:48
  look at that a lot in terms of how do
• 41:51
  you progress in the business world or what's success and failure.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: And for a child, we only have that. And it's
• 41:58
  hard to.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Unless we sit down and assess, what do we want
• 42:01
  this little person to be like? How do we try
• 42:04
  to engineer those things? And I say engineer in the
• 42:06
  most positive way. And a lot of times what I'm
• 42:08
  thinking about with a young boy is his emotions, his kindness.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: How polite is he?
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: Like a lot of the stuff that's learned, that's not
• 42:16
  learned from an educational standpoint.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: So I don't know.
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: I just haven't really thought as much about it. And
• 42:22
  I wonder if I think about it more or what
• 42:25
  school tells you to, I think will help you kind
• 42:27
  of frame, you know, whether you have blind spots or
• 42:31
  weak spots in your parenting or whatever.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Well, to your point there, like we have always known
• 42:35
  that Dace is like super physical, a hugger, wants to
• 42:38
  like give you a mouth kiss, will turn your head
• 42:40
  to make sure he gets you out of the mouth,
• 42:42
  even if you're his, you know, male buddy from next door,
• 42:46
  he's going to give everybody all of the love. And
• 42:50
  we've like been aware of that. I've been like, okay,
• 42:53
  be gentle. But it was one day at church where
• 42:55
  I was like, how'd he do? She was like, oh,
• 42:57
  he did really good. he might need to work on
• 42:59
  boundaries just a little bit because like he really loves
• 43:03
  to hug, which is so sweet, but like not every
• 43:06
  kid likes that. So he just needs to learn about
• 43:08
  like personal space. I was like, yeah, good point. Cause
• 43:11
  like we're, we're like talking to him about like, be gentle,
• 43:14
  don't hug. But then it was like, no, you need
• 43:16
  to know that you're about to go to school and
• 43:17
  you can't just like walk up and hug. And now
• 43:20
  he's turning way more boys. So hug is always a wrestle. Like,
• 43:23
  can I wrestle you to the ground? So for me,
• 43:25
  that was like a good thing of like what he does. Yeah.
• 43:28
  For me, that was a good thing when you talk
• 43:30
  about blind spots too, of like, okay, yeah, this is
• 43:32
  like an area where we can do more.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: I don't really think about it as much with like emotions.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: And I just feel like he's an emotional dude, like empathetic.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Well, he's your kid and you've done a good job,
• 43:45
  but I think this is also stuff that.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you meant like, do you mean he's
• 43:48
  my kid, so he's going to be empathetic or I'm
• 43:51
  blind to that?
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: No, no, no.
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: I think he's probably more predisposed, but also like, I
• 43:56
  do think you- these are the micro things that I
• 43:58
  think you just do that have had a very positive impact. Like,
• 44:01
  I guess I was more assessing my, like, what are
• 44:03
  my micro things? What are the things about me that
• 44:06
  I want, that have been potentially learned without him knowing,
• 44:12
  other than being obsessive and never shutting up? What else
• 44:14
  has he learned? What else has he taken from me?
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: He gets that from both parents. Of any value.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: I don't know, but like you, I do, like you
• 44:21
  are very empathetic and very in touch with your emotions
• 44:23
  and how you, the patience you have with him. Like
• 44:25
  there's a lot of things Even how he says, yes,
• 44:28
  that's a yes, sir.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: No, sir. Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Southern thing he does. Well,
• 44:31
  here's a sign of respect.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: And that's how you were raised and you're implementing that
• 44:36
  at him.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: And that's not a bad thing. Up here, people look
• 44:39
  at you like it is.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: My gosh, my last doctor's appointment, the lady laughed when
• 44:42
  I said, yes, ma'am. She like.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: Scoffed at me. Well, yeah, it's not how we tend
• 44:46
  to operate.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm sorry.
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: I'm from the South. You're still very young.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not offending you.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: I'm actually being respectful.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Bye.
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: Well, when you say it like that, it makes it
• 44:54
  sound like we should probably stop it because we don't
• 44:56
  need that attitude either. Well, I didn't say that to her, obviously.
• 45:00
  That's why you're saying it now.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: Bless her heart. There we go.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: But I want days to still do it, even though
• 45:07
  people might look at him crazy. Because when I hear
• 45:09
  people not doing that, I feel like they're not being respectful.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: Which is fine. Yes, which is fine. We were more
• 45:16
  of a Mr. Mrs. Yes, no, yes, thank you. Yes, please, no,
• 45:20
  thank you type thing. Let me, not to interrupt you,
• 45:21
  but is that not an everywhere thing?
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: There's like a very popular book that I just bought
• 45:25
  that's like a series, and this is the night before preschool.
• 45:28
  It's a series of the night before XYZ. And the
• 45:31
  teacher's name in there is Justin. Justin.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's weird.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: I say Mr. Justin every time because I'm like, where
• 45:37
  does a preschooler go to school and not call the
• 45:42
  teacher Mr.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: Or Mrs.? Is that even a thing that happens? Well, actually,
• 45:47
  we were different when we were younger. We never called
• 45:49
  them Mrs. first name. It was Mr.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: And Mrs. last name.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, or Miss. That was it. That was always a thing.
• 45:55
  I feel like that was a relatively new... thing where
• 45:58
  we're calling people by their first names with Mr.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: And Mrs.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess that's a preschool thing sometimes with their
• 46:04
  first names.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: But to not say Mr.
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: And Mrs.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: Every time I read that, first time I bought the book,
• 46:08
  I was like, I'm sending this back. This is stupid.
• 46:10
  Why did they not say that? And then days fell
• 46:12
  and blah, blah, blah. Then once you read it 12
• 46:13
  times a day. So I just say Mr. Justin. But
• 46:15
  I literally am like, how did this get past publishers
• 46:20
  and become like a series of Books now, they don't
• 46:23
  all have Mr. and Mrs.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: In them, I'm sure. But I just thought that that
• 46:25
  was so, so weird.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: And my sister at gym, she's like, why doesn't it
• 46:28
  say Mr.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: Justin?
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, right?
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Is this another thing? Well, no, that's not. That one's not.
• 46:35
  I think that was very strange.
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: My whole point here is I think some of your,
• 46:40
  some of the things you have, especially emotionally, he has
• 46:43
  seemed to carry those forward, which is a good thing.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: Thanks.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: I hope that he does. He's definitely.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: We talked about playing that video before with the music
• 46:54
  and how he cried. And I thought that was maybe
• 46:56
  we're like, is that just because he sees his grandparents
• 46:58
  crying or he sees him as a little baby and things? Yesterday,
• 47:01
  Lear and I were watching other videos that I've made
• 47:04
  before that had music on them. And he did the
• 47:05
  same thing. Now he got it back together, but I
• 47:08
  looked at him as it was playing. It was like,
• 47:10
  I'll look back at our 2024 and it was like,
• 47:12
  thank you for the happiest years. That song?
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: Great song.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: He was moved by my voice too.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: And I looked down at him and I can see
• 47:21
  his little eyes just warming up and getting red and red.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: And it's happy days.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: It's happy.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: Like trying to tell him, but then he just wanted
• 47:29
  to be cuddled.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: It's just so interesting to not know the like, I
• 47:32
  don't know, the like intricacies of their brain and like
• 47:34
  what goes through them.
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: Anyways. But they're just like us. They're small versions of
• 47:38
  us with less emotional control.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: So yeah, it's not that surprising. We can't articulate what
• 47:46
  he's feeling, but he's feeling something.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: Well, just for the record, he's gotten a lot of
• 47:51
  good things to do.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: You're like, I don't know what he's learning from me.
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I'm not going to say what, but
• 47:58
  I think it's just like the micro things. Like I said,
• 48:02
  there are things that I've intentionally... Obviously, we play a
• 48:04
  lot of soccer.
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of sports on.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: We both said like, we're going to read to him
• 48:09
  from the day he was born, which the studies say
• 48:12
  that helps, but I guess that's true. And his language
• 48:14
  skills are good and Lira's were too. Like if you
• 48:16
  read to them, they can learn more words. But those
• 48:20
  are more like conscious.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: And he speaks Portuguese with you? Very rarely, but he
• 48:23
  knows some words.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: He answers you back.
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: He can answer me in English and he can do
• 48:27
  what I tell him to do, usually. But that's even
• 48:30
  harder to do. That number has waned. It used to
• 48:32
  be like 90%. Now it's down to like 50 at best.
• 48:35
  And I feel like I usually do it, honestly, when
• 48:37
  you're not around. It's just easier to always communicate to
• 48:40
  him and keep it in that frame just because it's
• 48:43
  me and him.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: But even then, yeah.
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: But those are all, I guess my point, those are
• 48:47
  all conscious decisions about how that could impact him, not
• 48:50
  the unconscious decisions about what I'm doing or how I'm
• 48:52
  doing things that he may pick up.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: I got one for you, a bigger picture that has,
• 48:56
  is something that I have noticed about him that he
• 49:00
  has picked up from us and that I don't know
• 49:03
  how I feel about it. part of it makes me
• 49:06
  feel a little guilty. And then part of it makes
• 49:10
  me be like, okay, this is real life and this
• 49:12
  is good. His new thing is I'm doing work and
• 49:17
  he wants to have a phone and work or if
• 49:20
  he sees us doing emails, he's, I'm working, mommy. I
• 49:22
  need to work. And then there's a part of me
• 49:25
  that makes me feel a little guilty. It's like, do
• 49:27
  you think, especially for two parents that go to work
• 49:31
  at odd hours and really don't see us working from
• 49:33
  home very often. But he knows when we're at work
• 49:36
  or he watches us on TV or we say that
• 49:38
  we're at work. I'm proud that we're working parents. I'm
• 49:42
  proud of all that we do. I'm proud to like
• 49:44
  instill that in him. But then when he started doing
• 49:47
  that at two years old, I was like, are we
• 49:50
  on our computers too much? Are we on our phones
• 49:53
  too much? Are we talking about work too much? Does
• 49:55
  he not understand? I don't know. I don't know if
• 49:57
  you've thought about that at all, but when he does this,
• 49:59
  like I'm working thing or I need your phone, I
• 50:01
  need to be working.
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: I'm like, do we need to be disconnected more?
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: And I don't, I feel like, I feel like we're
• 50:07
  not connected to our phones that much when they're around
• 50:11
  or to our laptops, partly with him because like I
• 50:13
  just physically can't be. And so it's like all over me.
• 50:17
  But I don't know if you felt that at all.
• 50:19
  I felt like a little self-conscious about it almost of like,
• 50:22
  why has he picked this up?
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there's... I think he picks up because
• 50:26
  it's a fact of our modern world. And I do
• 50:28
  think other parents deal with this too.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: And I think.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: For me, we haven't talked about it yet, but I
• 50:35
  do think... the working on the phone should not be
• 50:38
  like the, I'll take my phone to work on that. Like, no,
• 50:41
  I want to keep him off. They're way too intuitive
• 50:43
  in his ability. And he's already really wants to watch
• 50:45
  videos or let me see Daisy. Like, I just feel
• 50:47
  like there's so little.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: He already knows they're biting down on the remote to
• 50:51
  find Netflix.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: Or Disney.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: Disney, yeah.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: Or Mickey is, which is creepy.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: I mean, he's pretty smart and there's intuitive things about
• 51:01
  these technologies for a reason, to make them as easy
• 51:03
  as possible that a baby could do them. So yeah,
• 51:05
  from like a phone standpoint, like I don't think we
• 51:07
  should hand him our phones and be like, yeah, work
• 51:09
  on that while we work here.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: It's more like, mommy, daddy have to work. You go work.
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: I've been starting to tell him his keyboard is his
• 51:15
  music thing. Oh, I give him the actual fake computer
• 51:18
  that he has. I give him the music thing and say,
• 51:20
  go type on that or go play the Tony box.
• 51:23
  Like you have toys, like that's your working. Dace's working
• 51:25
  is playing and our working is over here sometimes. And,
• 51:28
  and there is obviously like him, self-motivated independent play is
• 51:33
  a great way for kids to learn so i yeah
• 51:35
  go do that and that's like the been my deflection
• 51:38
  because i've only seen that the last you know week
• 51:39
  or so um but it hasn't been you do what
• 51:43
  we're doing it's you do your thing yeah i'm gonna
• 51:45
  do my i.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: Feel like he's been doing it longer for me like
• 51:47
  he'll like look at me and be like i need
• 51:48
  to do some working mommy and you're just working if.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: I'm doing it and i'm like man this is what
• 51:53
  you think life is what.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: Imagine if we were nine to five parents and you
• 51:57
  literally always saw us working.
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: This is the same thing. As long as I can remember, daddy,
• 52:01
  why do you work so much? So you can get
• 52:03
  an education. That was his response all the time. So
• 52:05
  I can pay for education. He meant going to college,
• 52:08
  but that was his retort, but he was just gone
• 52:11
  a lot. So it's the same thing. You just don't
• 52:13
  know what he's doing. And then I was like 15.
• 52:15
  I went to his office one time and it was
• 52:17
  like 1997, 1999. We moved to Florida. And I'm like,
• 52:19
  you don't have a computer in here? what are you
• 52:21
  doing here? I thought that's what people did now. They
• 52:23
  had computers. There was still no computer at his desk
• 52:25
  in 1999. So I don't know what the hell you
• 52:27
  did all day, but a lot of meetings apparently. My
• 52:29
  point is, whether your parents are working at home, that's
• 52:33
  why it's a modern construct of what they're doing working.
• 52:35
  You are aware, especially if both your parents are working,
• 52:37
  that's a big part of their life. So how do
• 52:39
  you manage that?
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question that I hope doesn't
• 52:42
  feel negative or loaded, but when you said that about
• 52:45
  his answer was always that you get an education. Did
• 52:48
  that give you any kind of like, complex or like
• 52:51
  responsibility of like, you feel bad that he's having to work.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: Cause he's saying that he's having to work because of you.
• 52:58
  Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. I never took,
• 53:01
  I mean, it.
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: Not, not like responsibility or that, that was, I guess
• 53:06
  that was his points. This is my responsibility. This, this
• 53:09
  is why I'm, he's giving me the why, why are
• 53:11
  you gone? Well, it is for your benefit for a
• 53:13
  kid that makes it, makes it make more sense. It
• 53:17
  also drove me when I get to like 14 or
• 53:18
  15 and I learned, understood, not 14 or 15, but
• 53:20
  as I got older and understood what a scholarship was
• 53:22
  or playing, like I was like, oh, well then maybe
• 53:24
  I can go do this for free somewhere and maybe
• 53:26
  that would be better for them and better for me.
• 53:29
  And that helped drive me a little bit. But also
• 53:32
  his point to telling me all the time was also
• 53:35
  to let me know what his work ethic was. Like,
• 53:36
  why are you gone before the sun comes up and
• 53:38
  back when the sun ends? Well, this is what I do.
• 53:40
  This is how you succeed in life. And that was
• 53:43
  a message I internalized. And I think, a work ethic
• 53:46
  that I know my oldest brother has. And I have
• 53:47
  all three of us have without a doubt, because it
• 53:49
  was really clear. This is how things work. My mom
• 53:51
  was the same way. She had different jobs and maybe
• 53:54
  not been explicit about it. And she came home and
• 53:56
  made us all dinner all the time. She was doing
• 53:58
  all types of shit, but work and a work ethic
• 54:01
  was really clear in our house. Like that's a non-negotiable
• 54:04
  if you want to, you know, just have a good life.
• 54:07
  And when I say good, I mean just monetarily.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I was just curious about it. When you
• 54:12
  said it that way, I was just like, do you
• 54:14
  hate that? Again, because you worry about with your kids,
• 54:17
  every little decision you make, how it impacts them. And
• 54:20
  I think something that should take the pressure off of
• 54:22
  parenting is no matter what you do, you're going to
• 54:24
  screw something up. So if you think you do everything right,
• 54:27
  there's going to be something they come back with later. Yeah.
• 54:31
  We didn't say that we're going to. Do you have
• 54:32
  any sports thoughts really quick? Because football's back. You just
• 54:34
  came from your first football game. There was a literally
• 54:38
  insane freaking week one of drama and games and lawsuits.
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: I've not looked at the ratings yet. I probably should.
• 54:48
  It's Wednesday now. So some of those ratings, I'm sure.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: Are out.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: NFL game tonight, right?
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: It's an NFL game tonight.
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: College football ratings, I'm sure, this past weekend are going
• 54:56
  to be massive, which still just tells you that all
• 54:58
  the bullshit we talk about, all the problems with the loss,
• 55:02
  what is LSU doing, the SEC countersuing them, all this
• 55:05
  stuff with the NCAA. In the end, when they kick
• 55:08
  that ball off, man, people still love, especially college football.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: And they won by 41, and that's going to be
• 55:14
  still one of the most highly rated games of the weekend.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: The first half, for sure.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, people imagine it started at 940 Eastern Time,
• 55:20
  LSU against Clemson, but not because of the weather there.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's right.
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: So I imagine the second half is going to be good.
• 55:27
  But it makes the weird dynamic just ever more present
• 55:32
  in my mind, that there are so many structural issues
• 55:34
  and foundational issues and legal issues. But the games, ultimately,
• 55:40
  nobody's going to stop watching the games given all this shit.
• 55:43
  And that's, that's goes back to remember the concussion stuff
• 55:45
  of the NFL, like a 20, 60, the Kaepernick, your concussion,
• 55:48
  read the lead right into Kaepernick and all this political stuff.
• 55:50
  And I'm like, maybe the NFL is at a turning
• 55:52
  point here.
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's going to go down wrong, wrong. Like nothing
• 55:56
  could be more wrong.
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: No matter what the problems are around anything that has
• 56:00
  to do with football, our country's addicted to football. So
• 56:04
  we will watch, we all will watch and the ratings
• 56:07
  will keep growing and the money will keep going and
• 56:09
  they'll figure it out in college.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: And the NFL is just going to keep getting richer period.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: Deanne, okay.
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: I thought you had more to say about that. Did
• 56:17
  you like being on the sidelines? It was cool being
• 56:20
  in San Diego State.
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: Man, the West Coast is so beautiful. I just had
• 56:24
  no even awareness. I almost texted my boy. I'm going
• 56:26
  to have to text him still about this. One of
• 56:27
  the only guys I played with in college. Grew up
• 56:31
  in San Diego. Probably got recruited by San Diego State.
• 56:34
  He chose to go to Columbia. Really, I could have
• 56:35
  been a more high major division one player, athlete. Mentally
• 56:39
  had some issues we had to work through. Um, but
• 56:41
  he went cross country and lived in this tundra of
• 56:44
  New York city and he would complain about it a lot.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: And then when you're out there and you see like,
• 56:47
  not just anywhere, but San Diego, you're like, Oh yeah.
• 56:50
  How the hell did you leave that?
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: It's just, I mean, it's, it feels like heaven on earth.
• 56:54
  And it was, the facility was great. And the San
• 56:56
  Diego state coaches and staff and everybody was awesome. Uh,
• 57:00
  our crew was cool. You know, it was interesting launching a, uh,
• 57:04
  a network to cover a sport they've never covered before.
• 57:06
  Like even the graphics package, like I hadn't seen it,
• 57:08
  like the intro, I'm like, what's the, what's it going
• 57:10
  to look like when we come on the air?
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: So that was all cool. Uh, sidelines was great.
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: I hadn't done it since, since being there from soccer stuff, uh,
• 57:18
  from 2017 to 2020. And football is obviously a different beast, uh,
• 57:21
  in terms of how you do the job on sideline,
• 57:23
  but I thought it was fun.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: I'm excited to go to Oregon state. I'm excited to
• 57:25
  be in some of these environments.
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: Um, that's a professional environment they play in when it's
• 57:30
  like an on-campus college venue sold out, like different, Different vibe,
• 57:35
  but San Diego State was awesome and excited about the season.
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: Our crew was great that we're working with, so it
• 57:40
  was fun.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: Are you excited to be home with Dave's Friday and
• 57:43
  Saturday while I work this weekend and you don't travel? Yeah.
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: I get to play golf Friday morning. It'll be the
• 57:48
  first time I play since August 1st, so that's good.
• 57:50
  You're welcome. Can I go on one quick tangent here, though?
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Let's hear it. It's a heavy one. It's a serious one.
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: What is your memory or experience with 9-11?
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, God.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: That's Friday. I know, but you could have like, you know,
• 58:07
  you said it's a heavy one. I still thought we
• 58:08
  were going golf.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: No.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: My memory and experience. Like how old were you?
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: Also, I'll be in the studio for that in Boston
• 58:15
  College is doing their red bandana game. I think for
• 58:19
  the first time on 9-11, Steve Adazi and I were
• 58:21
  talking about it, former Boston College head coach. They started
• 58:24
  it while he was there. I said, did it ever
• 58:25
  fall on 9-11? He said he couldn't remember.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, the actual red bandana game on 9-11.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: They're doing it on Friday because they play it Friday
• 58:30
  night and it's 9-11. Um, if you don't know about
• 58:33
  the red band Dana game, look it up and look
• 58:35
  up Wells Crowther.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: Um, have your tissues ready.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: I see his, we run his piece on ACC network
• 58:40
  every year.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: That is one of the best things that's been produced.
• 58:44
  It's so impactful. It's so good. It's so well done.
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: Um, I've gotten to interview his mother, Alison before who
• 58:52
  goes to the game still and is very much involved in,
• 58:55
  in Boston college.
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: But, um, it is, it is just special.
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: He was a lacrosse player at Boston college who, um,
• 59:02
  was in the towers, died during 9-11, trying to save
• 59:05
  other people. Could have come out, went back in. And
• 59:07
  the whole story about how they figured out who he was,
• 59:10
  and how he was saving so many lives is just
• 59:13
  just so sad and touching it's.
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: Because he was wearing a red bandana which he used
• 59:18
  to wear in his lacrosse helmet that people saw him
• 59:21
  running around so those that got out could recount well
• 59:23
  who was that guy he did not get out. And
• 59:26
  then that story got told and written about and it
• 59:28
  unearthed who he was, volunteer firefighter, just the whole.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: It makes me cry now because that's how his parents,
• 59:32
  they were reading a story and they see that this
• 59:35
  guy with the red bandana was the one that saved them.
• 59:37
  And they were like, that's what else he already had.
• 59:39
  He always had his red bandana. So that's going to
• 59:43
  be impactful being in that. I would love to go
• 59:46
  to a red bandana game at Boston College one year.
• 59:48
  It's against Rutgers, which is going to be interesting after
• 59:51
  Rutgers last week. But anyways... My memories of 9-11, I
• 59:56
  was in seventh grade and I just remember it was,
• 1:00:01
  I can't remember if it was my, I think it
• 1:00:03
  was my like literature class, my English class. And I
• 1:00:06
  just remember being in class and there being like chaos
• 1:00:09
  with the teachers and teachers like coming in and talk
• 1:00:11
  to the other teachers. And I think the news was
• 1:00:15
  on for a little while, like they turned the news
• 1:00:17
  on at some point to figure out what was happening.
• 1:00:19
  And I mean, I guess this shows how young and
• 1:00:21
  naive I was. I just remember they kept saying that
• 1:00:24
  it was a terrorist attack. And I was sitting there
• 1:00:26
  going like, well, what does that mean? Like, what is
• 1:00:28
  a terrorist? Like I could not comprehend what was happening
• 1:00:32
  or what it meant for there to be a terrorist.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: I had never heard that word.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: I had never had any context to like somebody doing
• 1:00:41
  something so awful. And so we went home from school
• 1:00:46
  early that day. And, you know, I just remember watching
• 1:00:49
  more unfold and I'm sure not that much. I can't
• 1:00:51
  remember like how much my parents protected me from or
• 1:00:54
  the conversations. But the most vivid memories I have are
• 1:00:57
  like sitting in that class and like talking with my
• 1:00:59
  friends and everybody. And then eventually they turned the TVs
• 1:01:01
  off once they realized like how bad it was and
• 1:01:03
  what was happening after the first one. Well, I think
• 1:01:06
  it was after the second plane hit that they realized,
• 1:01:09
  oh God, this is something really bad. And yeah, I
• 1:01:13
  just remember not understanding. I remember it being really scary.
• 1:01:17
  I remember how much it changed flying and being really
• 1:01:21
  scared and anxious about flying because that wasn't something that
• 1:01:24
  my family did a lot. We went on a lot
• 1:01:26
  of trips as a family, but it was always pretty
• 1:01:28
  much road trips. Yeah. And then, I mean, I feel
• 1:01:33
  like every year I always try to watch something on
• 1:01:37
  it or think about it or to get in. I mean,
• 1:01:40
  we're talking about how I'm such an empath. Like it
• 1:01:43
  hits me so deeply every time because I just, I
• 1:01:45
  just can't fathom. It's interesting being here because we're so
• 1:01:49
  close to New York City. Like to me growing, like
• 1:01:52
  the fact that we can drive to the city just
• 1:01:54
  for a date if we want to is mind blowing
• 1:01:56
  to me. Like New York City was such a big,
• 1:01:59
  huge place and adventure like when I was younger. So
• 1:02:04
  it felt so far away that all of those things
• 1:02:06
  were happening. I feel kind of the same way not
• 1:02:09
  to like take it to an even equally, but different
• 1:02:12
  side note with Sandy Hook.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: The fact that Sandy Hook isn't very far from here.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: I remember exactly where I was and just sitting in
• 1:02:19
  my car, bawling. I can't even think about that now. Um,
• 1:02:24
  so being in a place now that, you know, is,
• 1:02:27
  is Sandy Hook is not that far away in New
• 1:02:30
  York city. I just, when I was young, that was
• 1:02:33
  like a big grand New York city land. And, thinking
• 1:02:38
  now about there are so many people in our orbit
• 1:02:40
  every day who were in the city that day, who
• 1:02:43
  may have been involved in the Twin Towers when that
• 1:02:48
  happened and gotten out, or know people who were. There
• 1:02:50
  are people that I know and heard stories of that
• 1:02:54
  were supposed to be there and things that changed that day.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: And I can't imagine what that feels like.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: So I think it's interesting as an adult now having
• 1:03:00
  more context, but also just having more context to like,
• 1:03:04
  that's not some like far away, place that only like
• 1:03:07
  tourists go. That's like a place where people's lives were
• 1:03:10
  completely rooted and then upended.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's really weird. The, um, it was the
• 1:03:17
  week before I was, I was 18. I was like, sorry,
• 1:03:19
  I was 17.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: I was 18.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: It's like two months, but I was senior in college,
• 1:03:22
  high school. And I went home and I was talking
• 1:03:23
  to my mom. I was at the first week of September.
• 1:03:26
  We just started school a couple weeks ago and I
• 1:03:27
  was a history. I was a history major. I was
• 1:03:29
  very into history. I remember saying to her like, you know, mom,
• 1:03:32
  it's really weird. I've never, I've never had an experience. Like,
• 1:03:34
  remember I was there, like.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: We knew where he was.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: Like, where were you during the moon landing? She tells
• 1:03:39
  me she watched it in the trailer in South Carolina
• 1:03:41
  with her, her mom and her dad. The first time
• 1:03:43
  they'd spent any time with my mom and my dad,
• 1:03:45
  be willing to spend time with them. It was in
• 1:03:47
  South Carolina when they were deployed down there and they watched,
• 1:03:49
  they drove down and they watched the moon landing together.
• 1:03:51
  Where were you when JFK got murdered? Where were you
• 1:03:53
  at when MLK? There were different things that happened through
• 1:03:56
  the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Where were you when Reagan
• 1:03:59
  got shot? I was asking all these questions. She remembered
• 1:04:00
  all these. I was just giving her events that were
• 1:04:03
  major things. I mean, it's so weird. I've never had
• 1:04:05
  anything like that. Less than a week later, I go
• 1:04:09
  to school in the second period. I had personal fitness
• 1:04:13
  with my high school coach, who was the teacher.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: I didn't do anything. I'd watch film or I'd go
• 1:04:16
  work on my games. So I'm sitting in his office.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: He's out in class hosting, doing whatever, teaching whatever class
• 1:04:21
  he's in, whatever class he's doing, personal fitness. And I
• 1:04:25
  heard on the radio, because the radio was on, and
• 1:04:28
  I heard that the plane had hit the World Trade Center.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: And at first they said it was a Cessna. So
• 1:04:32
  that's a tiny little plane. I'm like, oh, okay.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know what's going on. I'm hearing some more
• 1:04:37
  of that. And We're getting rumors it might be a
• 1:04:39
  terrorist attack, da, da, da, da, da. Class ends. He
• 1:04:41
  comes walking in. He's like, what's going on? I'm like,
• 1:04:43
  a plane hit the World Trade Center. He's like, why
• 1:04:44
  didn't you plug the TV in? I was like, I
• 1:04:46
  don't know. I wasn't paying attention. He said, well, let's
• 1:04:50
  get the TV in. Plug the TV in. This is, oh,
• 1:04:52
  it's 19, it's 2001. So we got to get the
• 1:04:53
  cable thing set up. Soon as we get it set up,
• 1:04:55
  it takes a couple minutes. The next plane hits as
• 1:04:57
  we turned it on. And I will never forget the
• 1:05:00
  look on his face. And I just jaw on the
• 1:05:02
  floor like, oh, that's not right. And then right away,
• 1:05:06
  all the coverage, the bell rings a couple minutes later,
• 1:05:09
  we go to third period and it was Ms.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: Rowe's English class.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 3: I remember Ms. Rowe walking into like AP English and
• 1:05:13
  telling her, I'm like, Ms. Rowe, the planes, it's not
• 1:05:16
  the planes, it's the World Trade Center. I was like,
• 1:05:17
  I think we should turn this on. It's like important.
• 1:05:19
  And she's like, guys, so that's not like, and she was,
• 1:05:22
  I will fast forward to the next day. She had
• 1:05:24
  never heard a person apologize more in my life. She
• 1:05:26
  was just like, she was like, we're going to talk
• 1:05:28
  about the grapes of wrath. That's what we're doing. And
• 1:05:31
  so we have no idea what's going on and people
• 1:05:33
  are hearing stuff. And there's a ton of people that
• 1:05:35
  are transplants in the Tampa area from New York. One
• 1:05:38
  of my best friends, Pete Pergola, his family had an
• 1:05:41
  eatery that was on the base of one of the
• 1:05:43
  World Trade Centers or right next door, like the next block.
• 1:05:46
  So he's freaking out. Like he's freaking out. He's in
• 1:05:49
  that class. So he doesn't know what's going on. And
• 1:05:51
  there's a bunch of other people that are connected to somebody,
• 1:05:53
  to your point, that know somebody lurks in Lower Manhattan,
• 1:05:56
  their family is there. So you've got all these kids
• 1:05:58
  that are kind of panicked, but we're still so far
• 1:06:01
  physically removed from it. The next period, we go to
• 1:06:03
  fourth period, sociology.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: A man, Mr.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 3: Rocktoff's like, guys, I don't know what you're doing. If
• 1:06:08
  you heard, here's the story. We're watching this. This is
• 1:06:10
  all we're doing. This is going to affect the rest
• 1:06:12
  of our lives. And he was very locked in because
• 1:06:14
  it was from like a sociological standpoint. This is going
• 1:06:16
  to change everybody's life in this room. So I want
• 1:06:19
  you to understand that. What we're seeing today is horrific.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: It's awful. And the towers have not come down yet.
• 1:06:24
  He gets done talking.
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: And this is why I keep recounting people's names because
• 1:06:28
  it's like burned into my memory. This girl, Katie Greeley,
• 1:06:30
  who's friends with me, she's sitting next to me. When
• 1:06:32
  that first tower starts, the screech she let out when
• 1:06:35
  that tower went down, it just is burned into my mind.
• 1:06:39
  And then all you can think about is like, what's
• 1:06:41
  going to happen to all those people? Like, I mean,
• 1:06:43
  it's just, it was a cascading wave. And the rest
• 1:06:46
  of the day, I just felt like we were all
• 1:06:47
  walking through a funk.
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: And I walked through my house when I got home.
• 1:06:51
  The first person I see is my mom at the
• 1:06:53
  kitchen table, just sitting there, looks right at me. You
• 1:06:56
  said this a week ago. And I was just like,
• 1:06:58
  I know, I can't believe it. It was just like,
• 1:06:59
  it was awful. And I couldn't have been any happier
• 1:07:01
  more to get home to like hug her. And then
• 1:07:03
  we are so removed from it physically. And like the
• 1:07:08
  weirder part is two months later, Columbia calls me. Where's Columbia? Well,
• 1:07:11
  it's in the upper side of Manhattan.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: Okay. I want to go see that. Credit to like
• 1:07:17
  your mom. I didn't know this.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: My mom did not want me to go there. She
• 1:07:20
  was concerned about me being in New York, just in general.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Especially with that.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 3: And you mentioned like, I missed, I was not there,
• 1:07:29
  but there were a lot of kids that disenrolled from school.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: A lot of kids didn't go.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 3: And then the ones that did stay, they were freshmen,
• 1:07:33
  especially that I play with on our team that next year.
• 1:07:36
  Like that was their first couple of weeks on campus.
• 1:07:38
  Like that's your first week and a half on campus.
• 1:07:39
  That's your first beginning experience. And there were so many
• 1:07:42
  people there, the punks, the staff that had people that
• 1:07:45
  were either had died, family member had been affected. Something
• 1:07:48
  had happened in their orbit, which drove it so much
• 1:07:51
  to home. And I will have two more just quick
• 1:07:55
  at Denham's, we went down there to see the site
• 1:07:57
  for the first time. I didn't go to till, um, uh,
• 1:08:00
  I went before I went to school there. So it
• 1:08:01
  was that summer. We went up to play work at
• 1:08:03
  you can come basketball camp. My house will coach on
• 1:08:05
  the way home. It's like, we're going to spend a
• 1:08:06
  night in New York. Um, we're going to go see
• 1:08:08
  the world trade center site. And then at that point
• 1:08:09
  in time, it was still clearing rubble and they had
• 1:08:12
  makeshift fences up that are like wood planks. You could
• 1:08:15
  see through it a little bit. And again, one of
• 1:08:17
  the things you won't forget, it's like one of those
• 1:08:19
  quick summer squall storms hits, uh, And right away, I mean,
• 1:08:22
  it's just blowing stuff left and right. And you're just,
• 1:08:25
  you couldn't help but think, this is still like human remains.
• 1:08:29
  This is so awful. Like, and we are nine months
• 1:08:31
  removed and it took years to clear that thing. But
• 1:08:34
  the first time it like the first year, the first
• 1:08:37
  year anniversary, it's obviously a huge day at school. It
• 1:08:41
  was all like everybody's watching the coverage in the morning.
• 1:08:43
  I think I probably didn't go to class. But that
• 1:08:45
  night when you could look out our dorm room and
• 1:08:47
  you could see the lights, like you could see the
• 1:08:50
  lights going up and we're 100 blocks, five, six miles
• 1:08:54
  up the thing. But those two beams and you could
• 1:08:57
  go and you could see them from the 12th, what
• 1:08:59
  was the 15th floor you're on um it was just
• 1:09:02
  like it was impactful and i think it's like an
• 1:09:04
  adopted new yorker that day obviously has such significance to
• 1:09:08
  me i do feel like every year when we get
• 1:09:09
  around it i like to spend time thinking about it
• 1:09:11
  or understanding that's why i asked you your experience with
• 1:09:14
  it because i do think that age difference does impact
• 1:09:16
  like at the moment like you're wondering what's happening. Whereas,
• 1:09:20
  because I'm a senior, somebody's telling you like, this is
• 1:09:23
  exactly what's happening and your world is going to be different.
• 1:09:25
  You may be 1200 miles away, but everything about the
• 1:09:27
  way we exist as Americans is going to change because
• 1:09:30
  of this. And it's like 25 years and we're not
• 1:09:35
  going to get political here. But just to have the
• 1:09:39
  people that are speaking on that day, I hope we
• 1:09:42
  hear the reverence, the empathy, the, praising of those that
• 1:09:48
  risked their lives, that risked their lives to save lives
• 1:09:51
  and those that gave the ultimate sacrifice or remembered in
• 1:09:53
  the pot and the, in the proper way.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I, and I hope that, um, like the patriotism
• 1:10:00
  is carried through in the right ways too. I think
• 1:10:02
  that's one of my takeaways too. And the aftermath and
• 1:10:05
  watching things and just the, the way it felt like the,
• 1:10:10
  the country was united in a way that I had
• 1:10:14
  never felt or experienced. Um, you know, although it obviously
• 1:10:19
  was a very political thing, it was political outside of
• 1:10:22
  the United States.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 2: So everybody here seemingly, um, was.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: Kind of operating under the, the same, I was going
• 1:10:33
  to say mask. That sounds, but everybody was coming from
• 1:10:36
  the same place.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: We were all proud to be Americans.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: It was just about that.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: And we were responding. And I think, and we were
• 1:10:42
  responding emotionally with anger, with empathy, with frustration. And all
• 1:10:46
  that was clear. Um, They did a great short on this,
• 1:10:51
  but when George Bush threw out that first pitch in
• 1:10:54
  the first Yankee game, it was bad.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: I was actually thinking that's what I was thinking about.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 3: And I mean, that dude first walking out there in
• 1:11:00
  a bulletproof vest and that was not a guy that
• 1:11:04
  I wanted to be that president. There's like one of
• 1:11:07
  the few symbolic moments. So like when he threw that strike,
• 1:11:10
  everybody's like, that's our guy.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 3: And there were decisions made years after that that have
• 1:11:16
  changed the course of our country too by him and
• 1:11:18
  his administration that I may not agree with. But on
• 1:11:20
  that moment and in that day and in that period
• 1:11:22
  of time, all of us were all in. And the
• 1:11:28
  sad part is that all in to look at where
• 1:11:30
  we are right now is a little disconcerting.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That was a hard turn from where we were
• 1:11:37
  and a hard turn to... We can't even say, so
• 1:11:42
  is that what we're going to do on our date
• 1:11:43
  night is spend time reflecting because we've all said that
• 1:11:45
  we like to do that every year.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'll probably spend my time the afternoon of
• 1:11:51
  September 11th when Dace is taking a nap, doing some reflecting.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: We're going to enjoy our date night and do our
• 1:11:55
  own things. I'll be on my way into work and
• 1:11:57
  I'm sure we'll be watching the Wells piece later, which
• 1:12:01
  everyone should watch because it's really impactful. Okay.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 3: Sorry.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: Thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Control what we can control this week.
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: Let them. And let days wake up from his nap
• 1:12:16
  and a good time. Good job, dude.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 3: Remember when I said last case of emotion? We talked
• 1:12:21
  about with you. I feel like I've been on a
• 1:12:22
  roller coaster.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: You have. Do you feel better now?
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: You said that you were looking forward to sitting down.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: Thanks, babe.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: You're the best. I feel better too.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: You're the best.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: Later.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: See you in a sec. Bye.