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What your absence does to a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about what your absence, your
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  absence does to a narcissist, how they do they react to your
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  absence. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, what the hell does your absence do to a narcissist?
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  Before we hop into today's episode, y'all, if you haven't
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  subscribed, y'all, hit that subscribe button.
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  We're about to start our like bigger podcast.
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  The Mental Illness podcast is about to launch on this channel.
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  So hit that subscribe button so you don't miss any episodes of
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  the mental illness podcast. All things mental health
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  related, not just narcissism, all things mental health.
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  But yes, y'all narcissistic people, the narcissism, the
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  narcissist. What does your absence do to
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  them? Not when I say, when I when I
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  say what does your absence do to them?
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  I'm not just referring to like you going to the mall or
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  something like that. I mean, I could, I could refer
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  to that. I'm going to talk about
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  temporary absence and permanent absence here in a few minutes.
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  But like I said, I'm not just talking about one or the other.
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  I'm going to, I'm going to mention both while I'm talking
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  about this, but this is the mindset, the mentality that
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  happens right here. Y'all, if you're dealing with an
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  abusive narcissist, a manipulative, a manipulative
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  narcissist, your short in your absence can mess with their
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  heads because you know, and I think most people would know
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  most people who understand narcissism or most people who
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  are getting to know more about narcissism understand that the
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  more you like I said, narcissists think you belong to
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  them. They try to claim ownership on
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  you of you. They like, OK, you belong to me.
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  I own you. So if I own you, you belong to
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  me, then this is how things are going to work, right?
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  If you belong to me and I own you, then your absence is going
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  to mess with me because I don't want anybody else to have you.
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  So even in the short term absence, like if you're going
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  out with your friends, they're discombobulated.
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  You see, I'm saying like that like you're going out with your
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  friends and family members or whatever, you're going to hang
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  out, girls night, guys night. You just go into a football
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  game, basketball game, you're going to the movies, whatever it
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  is, maybe blowing your damn phone up, ask you to respond to
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  him trying to FaceTime. You ask you who all they're just
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  jittery as hell. Now, does that make them a
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  narcissist? No, it doesn't absolutely make
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  them a narcissist. Some of y'all might do the same
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  thing, but the controlling dynamic of it, the abusive
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  dynamic, it's the intent right there, right?
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  It's the intent. They want to control you.
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  They want, they want to exhaust you to the point where you get
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  so you get so sick and tired of messaging them back and forth,
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  dealing with them back and forth.
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  You just like you know what, to hell with this and you just go
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  ahead and block them and you be done with them, right?
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  That's what ends up happening to a lot of people in this
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  situation. You just end up you be like man
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  help to hell with you and you go ahead and block them.
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  You be done with them, right? Maybe be done with that night,
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  but you unblock when you get home.
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  But a lot of times they just, they want exhausted to the point
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  where you don't want to go out anymore.
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  Like you just sit home. You don't you, you don't leave
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  the house anymore because you feel like if you leave the
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  house, this person is going like, if you, you feel like if
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  you leave the house, they're going to make your life a living
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  hell. You be like, I can't leave, I
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  can't go outside. I can't leave the house.
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  Because if I go outside and I leave the house, then I, I'm
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  going to get chastised. I'm going to get all right.
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  They're going to try to hold me accountable.
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  They're going to do this, They're going to do that.
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  A lot of people fall into this category.
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  A lot of people fall into that. So you usually don't want to go
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  out anymore because you know what's going to happen.
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  You know the effects of going out.
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  So you choose not to you choose to just sit in the house and
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  just sit around and not want to do anything else that happens to
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  so many people, right? So your absence can make your
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  short term absence can make them go crazy.
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  It can make them it can also make them go crazy to the point
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  where they go out here and try to cheat on you, right?
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  They they blame you for not being there, but especially if
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  they all have kids together, right?
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  If y'all have kids, if you have to go to the store or something
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  like that, they make it seem like the kids.
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  Having the kids for an hour is just the worst thing.
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  Paul, I can't take care of these damn kids.
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  This is your job. Get your ass home now.
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  You can't. Next time you have to leave,
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  take these little bastards with you.
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  That's crazy. That's crazy, y'all.
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  It just is. The narcissist in your life is
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  they can be going insane. They can be doing a lot of this
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  type of stuff because they're they get angry and they get
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  upset because of what's happening, what's going on.
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  Like they can't handle it. They can't handle the rejection.
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  They can't handle them in town. They can't handle like the the
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  work it takes sometimes when they buy themselves, they hate
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  to be by themselves. Like even your short term
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  absence, they, they hate to be alone.
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  They don't want anybody else to have you.
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  They don't think you're going to come back.
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  A lot of narcissistic people have abandonment issues.
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  So even your short term absence can activate, can trigger those
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  abandonment issues. And don't let the fact that they
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  have abandonment issues. Y'all keep you in the house.
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  Well, they have abandonment issues.
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  Lee, I just got I guess I'll just stay in the house.
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  You bet not. Stay your ass in the damn house.
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  You bet not. Sorry, father, don't you bet not
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  Old old black father from back in the day.
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  Oh, you bet not. Take your ass today.
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  You bet not. Sit your ass in their house.
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  You bet not, but that's what happens, y'all.
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  That's what goes on. That's the part of it right
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  there. That's the mentality that so
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  many people face right there, y'all.
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  So I'll say that right there. Now the long term absence, like
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  the no contact, the breakups, that type of stuff, you can
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  really activate a narcissist, right?
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  Your absence. I know a lot of times you might
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  think that your absence will give them time to self reflect.
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  Like a non narcissistic person, a healthy mental, a mentally
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  healthy person will take your absence, sit with what they've
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  done and try to change their behavior.
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  But I don't manipulate them. Narcissist, they're not going to
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  sit with it. They sit with they're not
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  sitting with what they've done and rationalizing it and
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  realizing it and trying to work on it, taking accountability.
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  No, the mentally, the mentally mentally ill narcissist is going
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  to be sitting there with their shame getting angrier, getting
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  more vitriolic, getting crazier, thinking of plotting revenge,
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  stalk, planning to stalk you, maybe planning to harm you,
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  planning to hurt you in some way, shape or form.
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  That type of stuff happens to so many, so many people as well.
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  So not just the narcissistic person that this happens through
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  no spaces where they, like I said, where the situation may
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  arise, where they like the like the absence will will get you
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  right. The absence will get to you.
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  It would it would destroy you. It would destroy them.
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  So when you go no contact, that's why when you go no
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  contact or you're giving them the you're, you're matching
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  their solid, They're giving you the solid treatment and you're
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  just matching their silence, right?
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  Or you just refuse to talk to them because you know, if you
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  say something to them like they're just overreact, they'll
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  just explode on you. That can make them go crazy
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  because your absence means no control.
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  Narcissistic people thrive on control.
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  They want to have so much control.
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  They want to have so much power over people, right?
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  So if they want to have so much power and control over people,
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  they keep doing the same things over and over and over again.
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  They keep this, they keep the mental, the mental stuff.
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  They keep just doing this. They keep cycling through it.
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  They keep cycling around and around and over and over again.
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  Y'all, they love it. They said they, they love the
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  control, they love the power. So if they lose it, you can see
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  why they can go. You can see why they would go
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  crazy, right? You can see why they they'll
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  just blow my mind. You can see why they they would,
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  you can see why they would lose their mind, don't you?
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  Because if I have all this power and control and I feel like I
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  own you, so I feel like I own you and you leave, you
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  disappear, you go no contact, you go no response.
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  Like, like we have kids. You're not responding to my, my
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  attacks anymore. I feel like I've lost control of
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  you. So I lose control of you.
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  A lot of times I lose control of myself.
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  I lose control of my own mental health.
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  The thoughts like, yeah, your absence can make the, the
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  narcissist thoughts run wild, right?
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  Your absence in a narcissist's life could make their thoughts
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  run absolutely wild, like they could be losing their minds with
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  the thoughts that they are thinking, right?
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  The thoughts that they're thinking, they could absolutely
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  lose their minds because they're imagining you being with
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  somebody else. Because that's what they would
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  do. That's what they would do,
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  right? That's what they would do.
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  They're always thinking that you're going to be with somebody
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  else. So you, you must, because they
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  are, they would be somebody with somebody else.
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  If I were to leave you, it would be for somebody else.
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  And I'm not, I'm not going to leave you to be to be by myself.
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  I'm going to leave you to be with somebody else.
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  You see what I'm saying? So that does that make sense to
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  y'all? I'm going to leave you to be by
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  myself because so I'm assuming that you are doing the same.
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  No, I'm not going to leave you to be by myself.
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  I'm going to leave you for somebody else.
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  So I'm assuming that you are doing the same thing.
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  So your absence make me think you getting them cheeks clapped
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  by somebody else. You see what I'm saying?
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  Or you clap on somebody else's cheeks, whatever the situation
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  may be like your absence may do that type of stuff to people
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  like like see, your absence might make their thoughts run
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  wild. That's why they start stalking.
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  That's why they start popping up.
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  That's why they keep calling and texting and creating fake phone
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  numbers, creating fake profiles to follow you on Instagram and
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  message you. That's why they keep doing this
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  stuff and stuff, because they're imagining the, the, what you
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  might be doing with somebody else.
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  They're imagining the fun that you're having.
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  They're imagining the, the, the, the, the Kama suit.
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  You doing a Kama Sutra? Yeah.
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  They bought you a Kama Sutra book, right.
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  And you took it Where, where's they going?
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  Through the house? Like you moved out.
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  They come, they come home. All your stuff is gone.
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  They're like, don't tell me they took the Kama Sutra book.
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  They didn't take the Kama Sutra book.
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  They couldn't have. They looking everywhere for it.
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  They can't find a Kama Sutra book.
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  So they're imagining you, you in a, a tantric pose, getting your
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  cheeks clapped. They go crazy.
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  They're like, that's what I tell y'all.
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  Going no contact with the narcissist effects them the most
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  because they lose their control over you.
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  They have no more control over you.
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  They can't do anything about it. So they lose control.
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  They lose they, they can't do anything like that.
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  You have all the power in the situation.
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  That's why I tell y'all the power dynamic works for you in
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  your favor, to keep going, to keep, to keep no contact, to go
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  absent, to give them. Let them feel your absence.
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  Most times though, y'all, your absence is not going to teach
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  them a lesson. It's going to make them want to
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  teach you a lesson. That's why if you go no contact
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  and you break no contact or and you go back with them, they
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  teach you a lesson, they punish you.
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  That's why it doesn't get better, right?
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  That's why it doesn't get better with the narcissistic person
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  because they think that you're, they think that you're OK now
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  and then plus you abandoned me before.
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  I can't let that happen again. So they automatically, in their
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  minds now, they're thinking that you have one foot out the door
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  always. They're always thinking that you
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  have one foot out the door, Right.
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  So this is the space that so many narcissistic people fall
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  into. Why does it get worse when he
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  goes back? I'm like, why?
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  It gets, so I'm typing something.
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  I have a note, I have a notes app.
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  I send, I send video ideas to the notes app and whatnot.
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  So I can remember to do a video about that later.
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  It might be my next video. But yeah, yeah, fair for tuning
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  in. Give them your absence.
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  They deserve your absence. They don't deserve your
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  presence. If we didn't have your presence,
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  they treat you horribly, right? They have your presence, They
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  neglect you, they abuse you, they chastise you, they
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  invalidate you. So give them your absence.
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  That's what they deserve. Anyway, y'all, like I said, the
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  podcast is launching soon. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. I'm super thankful for you.
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  I'm super grateful for you. And it's always y'all, It's
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  always this is our peace. What's going on?
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  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
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  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
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  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel,
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  y'all, y'all. It helps me reach more people as
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  well. Also, I have coaching my courses
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  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
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  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
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  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
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  I'm out.