Latest / Go Wildly Podcast / Ep. 9 | WILDLY US: Emily | Drowning Lessons I Never Asked For

Transcript

Ep. 9 | WILDLY US: Emily | Drowning Lessons I Never Asked For · Go Wildly Podcast

0:00
This was the first moment of my life that I felt God and they
0:05
are crawling across the log into the middle of the river to
0:10
attempt to rescue this man. And and it was also the year
0:15
that I started to grow boobs and I cut off my long hair and had
0:20
short hair and I like got hot over the summer.
0:25
I find that the river itself provides A metaphor for
0:29
everything to do in life from what was sure to be my death at
0:34
8 years old on the main Salmon River.
0:37
How things happened. But next thing I know, this
0:41
giant man comes barreling down the rocks and reaches into the
0:48
water and grabs me. Hey y'all, today's episode is a
0:53
really special one. In honor of Heather's birthday
0:55
today, July 4th, we're sitting down together to hear about
0:58
pivotal outdoor moments from me, Emily.
1:02
Yeah, we know that's kind of weird.
1:03
It should probably be an episode from Heather, but whatever, man.
1:06
Check out our socials for a sweet tribute to my counterpart,
1:09
and keep listening here for captivating tales.
1:35
Just about peeking over that tree.
1:38
OK, we're just got done with our fishing trip, so we're doing a
1:41
little combining days here to get Emily on a story so we you
1:49
can get to know Emily, your Co host with the go wildly.
1:53
We're going to feed. We're going to feed, see them.
1:54
We got food actually kind of does fit nice.
1:58
Yeah, my feet are cold, huh? Yeah, they feel good.
2:01
Just so you can get to know Emily a little bit.
2:03
And we've already had a really big deep dive with Emily that
2:07
maybe you'll see in conjunction with this episode.
2:12
But since we have, we have refined our structure even more
2:17
from, you know, I think we're at how many episodes in like 6
2:20
episodes, about 6 episodes of recording in.
2:24
We now have like an even better structure and so and like that
2:28
big niche story, sorry. Take out your teeth.
2:35
That we tell don't let me forget them.
2:39
And so with that, we are kind of reformulating even our origin
2:44
story and our big outdoor pivotal moment since this is
2:47
very like, you know, outdoor moment heavy.
2:52
Emily has requested for her feet not to be on the video here.
2:58
However, I think we do have a little bit of feet action, so
3:01
you're welcome. I don't mind people looking at
3:05
my feet, but they have been in wool socks all morning and
3:08
they're just not in their prettiest state currently.
3:13
But if you've been following us at all up until this point,
3:17
you've definitely seen my feet, so you're welcome.
3:20
I get actually, I get lots of compliments on my feet.
3:23
I have apparently very nice feet for a girl and for a human
3:29
because I spend a lot of time barefoot.
3:30
So I have a really good toe spread, strong feet and.
3:37
No comment on my side of things. Feet are just feet to me.
3:42
Yeah, feet do a lot. I mean, feet are the grounding
3:46
point of our bodies. They are what are connecting us
3:49
most directly to the earth and are the foundation for the whole
3:53
rest of our bodies function and structure.
3:55
And I've dealt with a lot of ground postural issues in my
4:01
life, partly from low self esteem and also partly from my
4:07
foot structure. And my ankles are hyperpronated
4:12
so they like collapse in. And that has created a lot of
4:16
challenges all the way up through my legs and my hips and
4:21
my skeletal structure. And so as over the last few
4:28
years, as I've been strengthening my feet and I've
4:31
always spent time barefoot, but I've spent a lot more time
4:34
barefoot in the last few years. And my ankles are still super
4:39
hyper pronated, but I have repaired a lot of my postural
4:43
issues, which you can't tell as I'm slouching in this chair.
4:46
This is a yeah lounge. Well, so we just got done with
4:53
the Gordon's Fishing Guide Generational Guiding Service
4:57
today, 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10.
4:59
Amazing experience. It was great, super cool guy.
5:02
Yeah, so we're down here at Griffin Park.
5:04
We're just kind of relaxing by the river because we've been on
5:06
the river all morning since like what we put on about 7. 7:00 AM
5:10
yeah. 7:30 AM So. We've been fishing all morning.
5:13
Crazy to say we've been fishing all.
5:14
Morning and it's own. It's only 140 right now and we
5:19
still have a whole day ahead of us.
5:21
Yeah, I feel like I lived a lifetime.
5:22
Yeah, already this morning. Yeah.
5:24
It's great. That's what happens when you get
5:25
up at 4:00 AM. Yeah, we're kind of positioned
5:28
here under this tree for the podcast today.
5:32
A beautiful tree. Its leaves are coming in and I.
5:36
Think it's a Birch tree? Is that a big Birch tree maybe?
5:41
We're in the shade of it because it's kind of got a little hot
5:43
today. Yeah, kind of got a little warm.
5:45
It's a warm 70. Yeah, for sure.
5:48
And we're over here full. Sun.
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No cloud. Not a single cloud in the sky
5:52
all day. Wonderful, and if you are
5:54
listening and not watching, the beautiful Rogue River is right
5:58
behind us with a very with a small current, you.
6:01
I don't think you can see it in the camera, but there's a put in
6:06
right behind us as well, a boat ramp.
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Across the river on river right where Griffin Park is located.
6:12
On river left on the Rogue River.
6:15
Yeah. And and then we're looking out
6:16
over a beautiful little campground here, beautiful green
6:19
grasses. There's a goose lane in the
6:23
grass about 30 feet away. Yeah, tennis courts are here.
6:28
There's a few people camping, which is a wonderful time to
6:31
spring camp and a wonderful place for it.
6:33
And yeah, we're just hanging out and we're gonna get Emily's one
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or two pivotal stories from Emily, her pivotal outdoor
6:42
moment stories that really kind of maybe had some big aha
6:45
moments or scary or profound or just some core memories.
6:50
Definitely influenced my life and how I live my life every
6:55
day, yeah. Real quick too, sorry to
6:58
interrupt you. We do have some mowing happening
7:00
behind us in the campground, so you might hear a little.
7:04
Yeah, some mowing. Sorry guys, maybe you should
7:08
watch this over on our YouTube just so I know it's easier to
7:12
kind of listen to the background noise when you're visually
7:14
watching as well. It's more of an experience
7:16
versus like it might be more annoying through podcasts, at
7:19
least in my experience. So just so you know, head on
7:22
over to our YouTube before we crack into this story and see it
7:25
unfold. Anyway, yeah, good point start.
7:28
And that's just the nature of recording in the wild.
7:31
We're not in a studio, we are outside in an environment.
7:36
And so we're going to get background noise and
7:38
interferences that are just unavoidable, and that's just
7:43
part of being in the wild for the wild.
7:45
Yeah, and we hope you actually like it.
7:47
Maybe you find a little comfort in not being in a such a stark
7:51
studio audio sound situation. Some people might not like that.
7:55
Some people will like it. I mean, you can hear birds,
7:58
maybe hopefully you can hear the birds.
8:01
They are playing right above us. We saw bald eagles today.
8:04
We got to put that in there. We saw amazing bald eagles.
8:06
We saw a bald eagle and a nest. We saw a bald eagle catch a
8:09
fish. We saw a bald eagle flying
8:11
around with Turkey vultures. It was amazing.
8:13
Yeah, we saw 2 osprey flying. We saw a bald.
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The bald eagle that caught the fish definitely stole that from
8:20
a great blue Heron. And the great blue Heron was
8:23
yelling at the bald eagle. Squawking.
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Yeah, and we saw like 2 blue herons flying.
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I didn't catch that one. It was pretty hard to get.
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It's been a beautiful day so far and it's been awesome to share
8:37
this with you and get to like this idea that we had to start
8:41
this podcast and be outside and in the wild and do these
8:44
experiences was just an idea a little less than a year ago and
8:49
we're living it. We're doing it.
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We're going out and exploring new trails, exploring new
8:54
sections of river, meeting new guide services and people people
9:00
and learning more about each other and ourselves and our
9:05
skills and our limits and our syncrasies and our
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idiosyncrasies. And it's really freaking cool.
9:13
It is. It's fun to share this with you.
9:15
Yeah, agreed. I feel the same way.
9:17
It's been, yeah, it's been really cool.
9:20
It's been really awesome. Anyway.
9:22
Yeah. So per our podcast structure, we
9:28
told you a little bit about where we are and what we're
9:31
doing, what we've done today. A little bit about me and my
9:35
personal background. I grew up here in Grants Pass on
9:39
this beautiful Rogue River, moved to Grants Pass when I was.
9:44
I'm going to scoot this down just a little bit.
9:46
Moved to Grants past when I was 2 years old.
9:48
I was born in Eugene, OR. My parents were living in Eugene
9:52
while my dad was getting his law degree from University of
9:56
Oregon. My parents are both originally
9:59
from California and met when they were in their early 20s as
10:04
river guides on the American River, either the American or
10:08
the Tuami somewhere in some of the Northern California River.
10:11
They met when they were running rivers and then they guided in
10:17
Oregon for a little while and eventually moved to Oregon and
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settled in Grants Pass when my dad got a job as an attorney
10:28
right after graduating from law school.
10:30
So I grew up in Grants Pass on the river with river guide
10:34
parents and the river was always what we did.
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I don't have a lot of memories of other than like summer camps
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because my parents, both my parents worked full time and so
10:46
when I was not in school, I'd spend my summer either at a
10:50
summer camp where I was there all day for a whole week or we
10:55
were on the river. I don't have a lot of memories
10:58
of like doing things with friends over the summer as a
11:01
youth because I was either in camp or on the river with my
11:05
parents and their friends from when they were guiding in their
11:11
20s. They're like.
11:12
Everybody's has their own Little River community and they're all
11:15
kind of, some of them are a little overlapped.
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I love that about here. Yeah.
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And even though I grew up here, I don't act.
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I met people who ran the rivers here later on in life.
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Growing up. Most of the people that I was on
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the river with were the families that my parents had started
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guiding with when they were all in their 20s.
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And then they lived. They lived different places.
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They had kids, but they would still reconvene every summer to
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for big trips, for big trips. Lower.
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Roads, lower roads, Main Salmon and Idaho, the Green River in
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Utah and there'd be lots of mixing and matching of these
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groups over many States and rivers.
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And that's that was my biggest influence in life and continues
12:05
to be is the river. And I find that the river itself
12:10
provides A metaphor for everything to do in life.
12:14
Any situation that comes up in my life, I'm able to reflect on
12:20
how would the river deal with this?
12:22
How would I deal with this on the river?
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And the river is provides the answers and the questions for
12:32
just about everything that I feel, learn, believe, find
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experience. It's where I if I'm feeling
12:42
overwhelmed and overextended, it's being on or by the river
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that I can come back and find my breath and find my grounding and
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nervous system regulation. Yeah.
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And when the COVID pandemic started and I lost my job and
13:03
everything shut down, I still had access to the river and I
13:08
was still able to go be on the river in quiet and be reminded
13:14
that like, that's life. The river is life.
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That is living. That is living the simplicity,
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the leisure, the quiet, the waking up with the sun and going
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to bed with the sun, the easy flow of current.
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And sometimes you catch an Eddy and you hang out for a little
13:35
while and sometimes it's there's a rapid that's coming up and you
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got to get a little prepared and tense up for it.
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And then you ease up again. And being, being able to go to
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the river when it felt like everything else in the world was
13:54
crumbling and everybody was questioning their purpose and
13:59
what is what is life? Why are we here?
14:02
What am I doing? I lost my job.
14:04
I lost access to this, these people in these places.
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I still have the river. And even though at that time my
14:12
life also, I was losing my job, my marriage was falling apart.
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My dad was diagnosed with cancer.
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Still, the river was the place that I could cry, I could laugh,
14:25
I could feel freedom, I could relax, and I could be reminded
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of what's really important. And I think that was happening
14:38
when I was 30, but it definitely all began when I was very, very
14:42
little and the river was. Up you guys, the battery died,
14:47
so we're gonna swap those out because even in the wild, we
14:51
come prepared with fresh batteries and other really cool
14:54
stuff. While we're locking that fresh
14:56
energy in, go ahead and hop on over to our Instagram, Tiktok
14:59
and YouTube. That's where the trail or the
15:02
river really gets twisty. The behind the scenes, real time
15:05
chaos, unfiltered detours. The pod is the story, but the
15:10
socials, that's the wild ride. Meet us over there.
15:15
All right, part also of being in the wild and not in a studio is
15:19
that we're not plugged into anything.
15:21
So sometimes our camera batteries die and we need to do
15:24
a little quick change and try to remember where we were.
15:27
So first burp of the day. Wow, wow it.
15:34
Took you that long? Took me.
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Freaking 8 hours. So in my later life, the river
15:46
became that safe space for me, but it wasn't always the safest
15:50
space for me. Growing up on the river with
15:54
many other families, I often felt like the youngest outcast
15:59
child. I didn't feel included all the
16:02
time. My brother and I had a very
16:07
tenuous relationship and he was closer in age to a lot of the
16:11
other kids that we went boating with.
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And so since my brother and I didn't get along, I felt like I
16:18
didn't get along with anybody. And I knew that I loved being on
16:23
the river, but so many other parts of river trips and river
16:28
communing were really challenging for me and held a
16:35
lot of like trauma and tension and deep contemplation.
16:41
I was a very deeply contemplative child because I
16:44
was either alone or I was with adults a lot.
16:48
And so there was the social aspect of rivers that were
16:52
challenging for me growing up. But still I loved the river.
16:58
And and yet still the river was not always safe.
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So one of my first pivotal river life changing moments, I was
17:14
probably 8 and we my dad and I had gone to Idaho to run the
17:22
main Salmon River. It was just me and him from my
17:26
family, but we were meeting up with several other families and
17:32
I don't I don't remember what the trip was like but I remember
17:35
the end of the trip. And at the end of the trip we
17:38
were at the takeout. I believe we were at vinegar
17:42
boat ramp takeout on the main Salmon River and all the adults
17:48
were unloading the gear pulling food out.
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And I remember watching they flipped over one of the rafts.
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This we still had bucket rafts, so non self bailing.
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So we had to like sell, we had to self bail the boats.
18:05
The boats were not self bailing themselves.
18:07
And one of our practices was at the end of the trip, we'd flip
18:10
over one of those bucket boats and all the extra, like canned
18:14
food would go on to the bottom of that boat and everybody would
18:18
kind of divvy it up. And I remember I'm standing down
18:23
in the water at the base of the boat ramp.
18:25
There's other kids around, and we're kind of splashing around
18:28
and I'm watching the adults pull the canned food out of the dry
18:32
boxes and toss them onto the boat and seeing people, like,
18:35
sorting the food. And the kids are playing in the
18:38
water and it's sunny. It's a beautiful day, and I'm
18:45
the smallest of the kids. And the older kids have decided
18:50
that they're going to take their life jackets and slip their legs
18:55
through the armholes and Bob in the Eddy at the ramp, which at a
19:03
place like Griffin Park where it's completely flat, water
19:07
would probably be fine as long as you can still sink down low
19:11
enough and keep your feet on the ground.
19:12
And you're not going to float up and tilt backwards and be stuck
19:17
with your legs in your life jacket and you're upside down.
19:20
But at the vinegar boat ramp, just immediately below the boat
19:25
ramp, so. The Rivers watch the mic.
19:32
The river's running this way and well, actually the river would
19:36
be running this way. River's running this way.
19:39
Boat ramp is coming in on river left at an upstream angle.
19:46
If Emily is demonstrating with her water bottle here, so if you
19:50
can't see this is what's happening, she is trying to
19:53
explain it visually. As best as I can.
19:57
So rivers, rivers slowing downstream.
20:01
Boat ramp is coming in from river left at an upstream angle.
20:04
So as you're coming downstream, you can just pull right into the
20:07
boat ramp. You don't have to like make a
20:09
turn. You're just floating downstream
20:11
and there's the boat ramp. And then moving off to river
20:14
right is a rapid is like a class 3 plus rapid and rocky bank, big
20:22
boulder, rocky bank coming down off of the boat ramp.
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Into the rapid and like I said, I'm the smallest kid.
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I'm trying to fit in with these older bigger kids and I decide
20:36
I'm going to put my legs through the holes of the life jacket
20:39
also. But when I do so even though I'm
20:42
standing at the same place as these kids, I'm smaller.
20:46
So I start floating and I start floating towards this class 3
20:51
plus rapid and I'm horizontal in the water because my legs have
20:57
the flotation, not my upper body and are.
21:02
You screaming at this time? I probably am.
21:05
I'm assuming I'm screaming. What were the?
21:07
Butts doing trying starting to try to get you.
21:12
Well, they're dealing with gear. There's a huge rapid right next
21:16
to us that's making a lot of noise.
21:19
I'm screaming and I don't know exactly how things happened, but
21:26
next thing I know this giant man comes barreling down the rocks
21:34
and reaches into the water and grabs me.
21:38
From the other side of the. From the boat ramp.
21:40
Or from the boat. Ramp from the boat ramp.
21:41
So he was, he was on our trip. Oh, he was on.
21:44
He's one of one of the dads. His name is Tim Mansfield.
21:47
And he saved your life. He saved my life.
21:51
I absolutely owe my life to Tim Mansfield for literally single
21:58
handedly pulling me from what was sure to be my death at 8
22:04
years old on the main Salmon River.
22:08
You know, that kind of gave me chills.
22:10
Yeah, I get. I like it.
22:11
Gives me the heebies to recall it.
22:14
Were you like freaking Oh yeah? Did you cry and freak out
22:19
afterwards? Undoubtedly, I don't remember
22:22
anything after trauma after the hand yanking me out of the
22:27
water. It was all black again.
22:28
I don't remember anything else. Wow.
22:31
And my mom wasn't on the trip, I don't think.
22:33
My brother was on the trip. My dad was on the trip.
22:37
Did he try to soothe you? Oh, you don't even really
22:38
remember. I have no idea.
22:40
Damn, I have no idea. Did you bring that up with your
22:42
dad in later years and talk about it like what actually went
22:46
down in his perspective? I probably have.
22:48
I've talked about it with Tim Moore.
22:50
Oh, cool. And I see Tim almost annually
22:54
because this extend this group of river people.
22:56
We get together every year in the spring around Passover for a
23:02
reunion and like a river seder ceremony to celebrate and
23:09
signify spring and the reunion of this group and we tie it to
23:17
the like the Hebrew Diaspora. And yet we come together and we
23:23
relate to that. And so I still see Tim on a semi
23:27
annual basis and I thank him for saving my life every time.
23:32
And he's pretty nonchalant. He's pretty aloof about it.
23:35
Just kind of like, well, yeah, you were doing something stupid
23:38
and thank God I saw you. And yeah, so that was that was
23:45
probably my earliest conscious experience with the river that
23:51
really humbled me. And showed me very clearly the
23:57
power of the river, the danger of the river, and made me trust
24:03
the people that I was spending time on the river with.
24:07
That it really showed me that these are people that love me
24:10
and care about me and want me to be here with them and they're
24:15
going to keep me safe and protect me and.
24:19
And you got to have those kind of people with you on the river.
24:21
Yeah, even probably now as you build your own community, river
24:25
community, it's got to be people that don't fuck around and find
24:29
out. That are capable, knowledgeable,
24:33
aware of their surroundings, skilled, skilled and our paying
24:40
attention. That's so much of river safety
24:44
and outdoor safety is being aware of your surroundings,
24:48
paying attention to your set and your setting and who you're with
24:51
and keeping an eye on everything that's going on, all the moving
24:55
parts. Because it's not just you out
24:58
there. There's so much happening and
25:01
there's so many other people that could make or break your
25:05
trip. And having awareness of the
25:08
other people that are around you, especially when you're on
25:10
the river with kids, like the river is in.
25:15
The river has inherent dangers and they are more dangerous for
25:20
kids who don't have that experience, don't have that
25:23
awareness, and are just trying to be kids, being playful and
25:29
silly. And shit happens, right?
25:32
And having somebody who can handle that shit can literally
25:36
save a life. Yeah, definitely.
25:38
So. Why was that?
25:40
Yeah. So that was my first like
25:43
incredibly humbling river experience.
25:47
And fortunately, it didn't turn me away from being on the river.
25:51
I continued to return to the Salmon River almost every year
25:57
until I was like 1516. And I continued to have very
26:04
humbling experiences on the Salmon River.
26:07
So my next really pivotal river time that I think about.
26:18
One pause. Hold on.
26:19
There's just an old man on a riding lawn mower going across
26:24
the, you know, campground there. It's so cute.
26:28
Can we shift into the shade a little bit more?
26:30
Yeah, I'm getting, I'm getting half sunned.
26:33
Yeah. Absolutely cooking.
26:37
We're moving cooking slightly. Enjoy that view as we move our
26:41
chairs do. You want me to grab your phone?
26:49
Yeah, we'll film a little bit of this part.
26:53
We'll get whatever my whatever my phone can capture next.
26:58
Spot. Right.
27:03
Yeah. OK.
27:12
We moved. OK, Welcome back.
27:15
So so then follow us on. YouTube if you want to see all
27:18
those fun transitions that we have to do because we are in the
27:21
wild for the wild. That we are.
27:23
About the wild. We are wild for the wild.
27:27
Wild, Wild West. Wild experiences, wild people,
27:30
wild places. OK, so then Fast forward to
27:34
2003. I'm thirteen years old now. 2003
27:39
was a big year in my life. A lot of things happened.
27:43
I was bar mitzvahed, my paternal grandmother died.
27:47
I had a pivotal life changing experience on the river.
27:53
I had a very, very influential trip to Mexico with a big group
27:58
of this river community where I learned how to play cribbage and
28:03
other other things but. Cribbage is the quintessential
28:06
River game, A card game, more like, you know, hang out late,
28:11
kind of later night, early evening.
28:13
Like the game. Yeah, the game.
28:15
It's kind of the camp game too, in our family, not just River.
28:19
Great game. Yeah.
28:20
And I was taught by my river people and.
28:24
But I didn't learn it on the river.
28:25
I learned it in a house in Mexico.
28:27
But the and it was also the year that I started to grow boobs and
28:33
I cut off my long hair and had short hair and I like got hot
28:39
over the summer. I remembered that I remember
28:43
when you cut your hair because your hair was so thick.
28:46
I remember it was like choppy because Emily has like the
28:49
thickest hair ever. And so I almost, I, I remember
28:52
it being like, who just waxed your hair off?
28:54
Yeah, because it was there was just so much of it.
28:57
There was no way of making it like sleek and smooth.
29:00
Now it's like 5 days unwashed, so it's a little flat but still
29:06
thick. So that was the the summer that
29:08
I got hot was also because I had a profound experience the summer
29:17
before coming back to. Was that 8th grade?
29:20
Yeah, that was the summer before 8th grade, so 2003.
29:25
So this summer, I don't, I actually don't think my brother
29:30
was on this trip. I don't remember my brother
29:33
being on this trip, but for sure I was.
29:35
My mom was, my dad was. And my dad's best friend, Jim
29:40
and his two sons, Ian and Joe, my family's Rabbi Mark, Rabbi
29:47
Mark, who was the rabbi that bought mitzvahed me six months
29:51
prior. I don't entirely remember who
29:57
else was on the trip, but I know that those folks were on the
29:59
trip. Oh, my dad's other friend Don,
30:02
and I believe his daughter Allison were on the trip.
30:05
And my dad's other friend Lewis and Don and Lewis play a pretty
30:11
pivotal role. Don, Lewis, Rabbi Mark and my
30:14
mom all play pretty, pretty notable roles in this event.
30:20
So we're we're rafting the main Salmon River in Idaho.
30:25
Beautiful. Big rap big.
30:29
Big. Big water, but not super
30:31
technical, just big haystack waves, big sandy beaches,
30:37
beautiful yellow pine trees. And this was one of this summer
30:43
the river was on fire. Not, not like really heavy fire,
30:50
but there was there were spot fires throughout the Canyon and
30:56
particularly on this day. So we're on day, this is like a
31:02
six to eight day river trip and I think we're on day 4.
31:08
So we're getting pretty close to the end.
31:12
And it's the day that we're running one of the bigger Rapids
31:15
called Bailey, Bailey Rapid and it's at a really wide point in
31:20
the river. There's a couple different
31:23
routes you can take through it. There's like a far left run and
31:27
there's a middle run I believe. And we have decided that we're
31:34
going to pull over and scout the rapid because it's a pretty,
31:37
it's a pretty big rapid. It's probably a class 4 plus.
31:40
And we have pulled over on river right and we're walking down to
31:46
be able to view the rapid and we're walking along and my mom
31:52
almost steps on a rattlesnake and she steps back and she like
31:58
catches herself snake, snake scurries off Do snakes scurry
32:02
slither snake slithered off. And she said that feels like a
32:07
bad omen. And but we continue on to you
32:12
have to you have to, you can't turn around and go back
32:15
upstream. You have to continue on
32:17
downstream. And so you just have to feel it
32:20
and prepare. So we continue on our walk to
32:26
scout the rapid and as we're scouting, we see a commercial
32:30
outfitter coming through with their guests and they have opted
32:34
not to scout the rapid. And as we're scouting the rapid,
32:38
we can see that there is a log coming almost halfway across the
32:44
river from river left and it's lodged against a rock.
32:50
So it's creating essentially a, a strainer of sorts of log rock
32:58
and log rock for the, for the visuals here.
33:03
So the log is upstream of the rock and all the water pressure
33:07
is pushing into the log and the rock.
33:12
And we're, we decided, OK, we're going to watch this commercial
33:18
outfitter run the Rapids, see what they do, see what they do,
33:21
see what route they take. We're here for for safety and
33:28
mind you I'm 13 at this time, so some details may be a little
33:34
mixed up in my head of how how exactly things happened.
33:37
But from my memory, I see a client of this commercial
33:43
company come through, enter the rapid on river left, heading
33:48
straight towards this log and they're in a sit on top kayak,
33:52
which to me is not an appropriate watercraft for this
33:56
river, definitely not this rapid.
33:59
And this man is floating straight for the log, hits the
34:07
log, flips, gets under the log and we're on.
34:16
This is happening on river left. My group is on river right.
34:20
What can we do? Somehow in the mix, Dawn and
34:29
Lewis are have found themselves also on river left.
34:33
They were in kayaks. They've now climbed out of their
34:35
kayaks and they are crawling across the log into the middle
34:40
of the river to attempt to rescue this man and.
34:47
Was his head up at this time or was he stuck under?
34:49
He's fully underwater and they've reached him and they're.
34:54
Trying to get him they're. Trying to get him.
34:56
They've got hands on him, they're making eye contact with
34:59
him and they watch his life slip away.
35:04
Oh my God. And while all of this is
35:08
happening, the rest of the commercial group, yeah.
35:15
Hold on. Yeah, let me collect my thoughts
35:18
cuz that's how fast it can happen and it's fucking
35:20
terrifying and life is so beautiful and so precious and
35:24
it's just so crazy. And you just don't know.
35:29
Yeah, I don't know. I just like put myself there,
35:31
you know? I'm like, fuck, what would I,
35:33
what would I do? That would be.
35:35
What would you do as the man underwater?
35:37
What would you do as the first on the scene?
35:40
Essentially to? As just a bystander, anything
35:43
like. Crazy as I don't even know this
35:45
person, but I'm now risking my life to save this person, right?
35:50
And and I can touch them. I'm like.
35:54
Well, it's just like, that's how quick it happens.
35:55
Like he was just enjoying his day and then.
36:00
And then his life's over. And while this is happening, the
36:07
the rest of his group has floated through the rapid
36:11
successfully as far as I can recall, and they've all pulled
36:14
over on river left. And the rest of my group has
36:19
also floated through the rapid and we're pulled over on river
36:22
left and everybody in my trip. Is did you end up going through
36:26
the rapid or did you stay on? Okay stay on shore cuz sometimes
36:29
you can just be like I'm gonna walk around.
36:31
No. I got in a boat and I have
36:33
floated through the rapid now and I'm a passenger.
36:37
What's your feelings like at this time?
36:39
Did you know that he was dead? And that was like the like there
36:41
was that like you knew that situation was happening, but in
36:44
that time when that happened and then you're like, well, we got
36:47
to go through the rapid. Like was that like you guys were
36:50
running to go get in and like, what was that intermediate time?
36:54
Like? Was it rushed?
36:56
Because you're like, oh, we got to get down there.
36:57
We got to help and. Yeah, it was.
37:02
It was a little bit of we've got to get over there and see what
37:05
we can do to help. And it was a little bit of.
37:08
Like you knew he was gone. Oh yeah, I knew.
37:10
I I knew he was gone the moment he entered the rapid.
37:14
I saw, and I know my mom can attest to this.
37:17
I said out loud something along the lines of he's not going
37:21
where he should be going. What are they doing?
37:24
I remember getting mad at the commercial outfitter that they
37:27
sent this man alone in a first first in an inappropriate
37:32
watercraft down the wrong side of the river.
37:35
I remember being mad that they didn't scout the rapid.
37:38
And I was thinking, what? I wasn't swearing at the time,
37:44
but I remember thinking what fucking idiots.
37:49
What did they? What did they just do?
37:50
They just sent this man to his death.
37:54
They absolutely did. And I and I'm watching this
37:56
happen. I mean, it's a freak accident,
37:58
but like, let's read like let's, let's collectively, you know,
38:04
use our knowledge and that was not.
38:05
Appropriate. And often I think that that can
38:08
happen to commercial Outfitters that are out there running the
38:12
river every week, every day. They get a little bit complacent
38:15
because they aren't thinking about well, this log could have
38:19
washed in the main. Salmon River gets flash floods
38:22
constantly and especially while there's a fire going on.
38:26
Trees are falling in the river all the time.
38:28
New obstacles can show up anytime and.
38:32
Always scout big water. Always scout big water, even if
38:35
you've did it three days ago. There needs to be some kind of
38:42
like if there's somebody else scouting, you do some kind of
38:45
hand signal communication to learn.
38:48
Isn't the channel clear? Can we go?
38:51
If you're not going to scout a a notoriously complex rapid, then
38:57
you need to have some other kind of safety protocol, and it
39:00
wasn't like this. Rapid was complex.
39:02
It was just there was a danger in the water and they would have
39:05
learned that if they would have just checked it out instead of
39:09
the complacency of like, we just ran this three days ago, which
39:13
is what the Outfitters are doing.
39:15
Yeah. Like I'm no shade on Outfitters,
39:17
they're doing their best and that freak accidents fucking
39:20
happen all the time. And this was 20 years ago.
39:23
And so hopefully for sure protocols, new protocol, there's
39:27
way more safety protocols and yeah, you would standards in
39:32
guiding because of things like that used to happen.
39:36
OK, anyway, bring me back like you're OK.
39:38
You guys just went down. Everybody is now on river left
39:41
and my. Rap out of the water yet?
39:45
No, OK, he is not out of the water.
39:49
My rabbi has approached the group and figured out who is
39:55
related to him. He has his wife and at least two
39:58
kids with him on this trip. That's so sad.
40:03
They were visiting from Utah. They were.
40:08
This was like the the bucket list trip and.
40:13
I can't remember all of his story of like if he'd been inter
40:17
rafting when he was younger and he was now bringing his kids or
40:21
but this was like their summer family trip and his whole family
40:25
was there and they're sitting in the floor of a raft.
40:32
Crying. Devastated, crying, shocked and
40:37
my rabbi approaches them and asks them if he can sit and and
40:43
pray with them and be a spiritual support and guide for
40:49
them and they're Mormon, but they welcome him in and he sits
40:53
with them and and holds them and prays with them and and talks
40:59
talks to God and spirit with them.
41:02
And the other members of my trip are, you know, seeing if they
41:08
can aid with. Water, food.
41:10
Are they trying to pull him out? OK, Don and.
41:13
Lewis are still out on the log. OK.
41:16
And at some point, my mom says to Jim, hey, let's, let's take
41:23
the kids and let's head downstream, like.
41:26
We need you're in your group or the kids their kids to.
41:29
Jim's kids and me. And you guys the.
41:32
Kids in our group, OK, yeah, my mom says.
41:34
Let's heavy. Let's give some space here.
41:36
Let's take our kids out of this situation.
41:40
Let's head downstream. We can, there's a commercial
41:44
lodge, semi commercial lodge just down around a bend.
41:48
We can go up and and make a call out.
41:51
I don't think at this time the commercial Outfitters carried
41:54
satellite phones with them. I don't think they were really
41:58
on the scene, prominent, available.
42:00
So we said we'll go down and we'll find, we'll make a call.
42:06
And so our group piles, piles the kids into a couple of boats
42:12
and we start floating downstream.
42:17
We pull over at this lodge called Allison Ranch and we're
42:25
we're all in complete shock. All right, is any is any of the
42:29
kids or any of you guys crying or is it more just like what the
42:32
fuck just happened? I think we're more of the in the
42:35
what the fuck and kind of some anger still at the situation and
42:42
we're scared about Lewis and Don and their safety being out on
42:48
the log and, and we're all we're like, how do we, how do we
42:55
proceed? Like now we're just going to sit
42:58
here for a we don't know how long we're going to be waiting
43:00
here for the rest of our group to catch up.
43:02
We don't know if we're going to have to provide a witness
43:07
testimony to any law enforcement or rescue personnel.
43:13
So we sit down on the beach with some buckets and start playing
43:18
cards and just kind of try to past the time and process.
43:25
And this happened like early midday, maybe sometime between
43:30
11:00 and 1:00 PM, I'm guessing. And we're, we're hanging out at
43:39
Allison Ranch for a few hours before the rest of our group
43:44
comes down and, and they just float in very, very slowly, very
43:51
somberly. And we regroup and we start
43:58
floating again. And by now the sky has filled
44:02
with smoke because and we're floating past hot spots of
44:07
flames like we're floating. I can, I can feel the heat from
44:12
the fire on the hillsides, on the riverbanks.
44:16
We're we're in the middle of the river and I can, I like thinking
44:20
about it. I can feel the heat emanating
44:23
off of the banks and the the sky is full of smoke.
44:30
But as we're regrouped and floating, this was like, this
44:37
was the first moment of my life that I felt God.
44:42
I mean, I had just been bat mitzvahed.
44:44
I'd been like speaking to God for years through religious
44:49
practice. But this was the first moment
44:51
that I felt God. As our group had reconvened
44:57
after this event and we're floating downstream, fire on the
45:02
riverbanks and the smoke cleared in the sky and this beam of
45:08
sunlight just hit our grip. And I think we all felt it.
45:16
Just this silent acknowledgement and like almost appreciation for
45:29
our own lives for. The safety of the people that
45:33
we're trying to help. Did they get him up?
45:37
A few days later. That's what happens, guys in
45:40
this sort of situation, in river death, drownings in Rapids, they
45:45
all surface a few days later. A few days later, a helicopter
45:49
had to fly in and extract his body.
45:52
Yeah. He wasn't washing out and we saw
45:58
the helicopter. Come in, come in for that, Yeah.
46:03
And we, we floated, we that's still that day.
46:09
We continued to float. We found our camp and I think it
46:15
was a Friday. I think, I think it was a
46:19
Friday. And our, our rabbi, our
46:26
spiritual religious guide gathered all of us at camp that
46:31
evening and had a moment, had a moment with all of us.
46:36
And we were all able to process, process and cry and hold each
46:43
other and be so grateful for us having each other, us having our
46:49
lives, us having people in our group that had the strength to
46:56
go out and attempt to save this man.
47:00
To have the perfect spiritual connection, to be able to
47:07
comfort the family even though they had came from different
47:10
religious backgrounds, still being able to come in and bring
47:14
that grounding prayer for the mourning family.
47:21
For the fucking horrendous event that just happened.
47:25
Yeah, wow. And we were, we were able to
47:31
together move from the devastation, the disappointment,
47:38
the sheer trauma and heartbreak into kind of celebration and
47:47
appreciation for one another and our own lives and.
47:51
That's usually what that sort of situation will bring.
47:55
That like shitty that it had to be us, but wow, how also lucky
48:04
that it got to be us, right that we now.
48:08
Have that lesson. We have that lesson.
48:10
We have that reminder to always have safe people, safe place,
48:20
take safety into consideration, to scout Rapids that were
48:25
unfamiliar with, that have any level of technicality to them.
48:32
And Don and Lewis continue to be two of the people that I feel
48:37
the safest being on the river with.
48:40
Yeah. And they're Don's 78 and he's
48:45
still 76, mid 70s, and he's still running rivers and going
48:51
kayaking. That's great.
48:53
And and will do so for sure till till the day that the water
48:58
takes him under. And it was that was that was
49:08
you. Grew up that year that I.
49:10
Grew up that year in every way. We were pretty close that year
49:16
too, yeah. And I remember going back to
49:20
school and so this happened in like August.
49:22
So I'm back at school 2-3 weeks later and the first assignment
49:28
that I get from Mr. Rosetta is write an essay about your summer
49:37
vacation. What did I write?
49:40
The story of watching a man die on the river.
49:43
Damn. And I was like heavy.
49:47
I oh, he was. I have no doubt that he will.
49:50
He's would still, he'd hear my name, and he'd remember.
49:52
That Oh yeah, you remember shit like.
49:54
That that I wrote that. I wonder if he still has it.
49:56
I bet I could find it somewhere in my in my school paper savings
50:02
of the essay that I wrote of this river trip.
50:05
Watching a man die on the river. Damn.
50:08
I'm trying to remember back if you, like, came to school and,
50:11
like, told us about probably. I'm sure I heard this back then,
50:16
but I didn't grasp that like, oh, my God, Emily, you know, now
50:21
somebody's like, listen to this. Like this just happened.
50:24
I would have. I would be like, oh, my God.
50:26
But being a kid, you're just like, oh, fucking Emily.
50:29
Yeah. I know.
50:30
I mean, it was incredibly traumatic to experience, right?
50:33
It's also traumatic to hear about, right?
50:36
And so I'm wondering if I like maybe you mentioned it and I was
50:39
just like, yeah, it was young and dumb and I didn't even scary
50:44
my. Head this out.
50:45
Right. Yeah, you're right.
50:47
Like what? Yeah, it was.
50:50
I remember also not really talking to you about your river
50:54
escapades until your Grand Canyon trip.
50:58
And then I feel like you told me a lot of your Grand Canyon
51:01
story. I feel like we were really close
51:03
that time too. And I feel like I remember you
51:05
telling me stories of that whole trip, like I must have came over
51:08
that day or, you know, when you got back and like you told us
51:13
the story of like, maybe I was with Anna or we were with Laurel
51:17
or whatever. But like it was you told me the
51:20
tales. I remember hearing mostly the
51:23
guy that you were like smitten over because of the Grand
51:26
Canyon, But that was like a big because you were gone for like a
51:29
month. And so it's like Emily was is
51:31
gone to the Grand Canyon, like out of sight.
51:33
Yeah. For a month, like that was like
51:35
big. And I remember hearing a few of
51:36
your like stories because I think I was starting to get into
51:39
rafting more with my, like, dad then too.
51:42
Like, I've obviously been rafting too, but I think I was
51:45
coming online to it more too, Yeah.
51:48
So yeah, we were 16 then. Yeah, that was my first Grand
51:51
Canyon trip was when I was 16. OK, so it must have been because
51:55
I did the Middle fork that that year, I think I did the middle
51:58
fork at 15. And so that was probably an
52:01
aligning where I was like, oh, I can visualize being there
52:03
because I've been on a big, not that the Middle Fork's big, but
52:06
I've been on a big trip, river trip, big multi day.
52:11
Excursion takes multiple days to get there.
52:13
You're on the river for multiple days.
52:15
Multiple days to get back. I mean it's three day drive to
52:20
any Salmon River stretch in Idaho from Southern Oregon.
52:24
So yeah, it's a big undertaking and packing food and supplies
52:29
for a week ish for being on the river.
52:33
Emily wow, that is a that's a that is a pivotal moment story.
52:39
Wow, this. It is part of what made me not
52:43
want to be a river guide. You don't want to have that
52:46
responsibility in your hands. I saw it down at Mariel, too.
52:49
I mean, I remember the helicopters coming in because
52:51
somebody not drowned. Actually, there's only the one
52:54
time a guy went through a rapid and had a massive heart attack
52:58
and his family was there, too, and the helicopters came down
53:02
and it was a big thing. And yeah, but it was a lot on
53:05
the guides because they hold that they're responsible.
53:09
They are the ones that are supposed to be creating and
53:12
enforcing the safety. Yeah, you're.
53:14
Taking these like rich ass people down the river Cairns
53:19
sometimes you know, I'm sure you encounter even on 1st descents,
53:22
maybe somebody that's a little rough around the edge.
53:25
Everybody on 1st descents is. Top, Yeah. 100% I'm just first
53:29
descents. Everybody is amazing.
53:32
But, but absolutely, I mean, I've done, I've done some like
53:35
celebrity guiding over the years where I'm called in to fill a
53:41
trip as a guide because they're short a guide and definitely
53:45
have dealt with people that are unpleasant.
53:47
And I've worked in rafting, I've managed A rafting outfitter or
53:51
managed the office of a rafting outfitter and dealt with
53:54
unpleasant customers. And I mean, there's unpleasant
53:58
people so everywhere. What I was going to round that
54:00
out and say is like, so you, you being a guide and you having
54:05
made, you know, these people that this is their like trip of
54:08
the year, blah, blah, blah, they look forward to it and they're a
54:10
little bit rough around the edges and hoity, toity and
54:13
something major high. Expectations.
54:15
Yeah, like people that sue people like these are, you know,
54:18
like you can get in big hot water.
54:22
Even if you sign a waiver that says I release all liabilities
54:27
if somebody dies on the river, Yeah.
54:30
And there's any way to determine that somebody was at fault for
54:35
it? They have to try to determine
54:37
fault. Yep.
54:38
That's even if there is a liability waiver.
54:40
Yeah, even with that. Just made me think of the
54:43
contracts for not for real estate, but for like the bike
54:48
shop and like NDA's and stuff. They don't stick.
54:50
No. They don't those those ain't
54:52
sticking. There's always a loophole, yeah,
54:54
to anything legal, but it that absolutely was what made me not
54:59
want to be a river guide, because I didn't want people's
55:02
lives in my hands. No matter how experienced I was.
55:07
I wanted to keep the river my safe place and I didn't want the
55:12
responsibility of anybody's livelihood in my hands.
55:17
But you are a guide or how is that like?
55:19
What are your Are you just a hype woman that joins?
55:24
Essentially, yeah. So now.
55:25
About like, what is your role now on the river?
55:29
Because yeah, Emily said she doesn't want to be a guide, but
55:31
she still is doing she's work. She does some work for.
55:35
Some I do river work, so I I did spend a summer as a day trip
55:43
guide on the rec stretch of the Rogue.
55:45
Which is still dangerous. Between, yeah, between Hog Creek
55:48
and Grave Creek. So I did spend the summer doing
55:50
that, but it was just day trip so half day full day.
55:55
I got to go home every night, which there is still danger in
56:00
any kind of rafting, but it's different when you're out there
56:04
for days at a time. Yeah, yeah.
56:07
And you're more remote in. The Wild and Scenic Wild and
56:10
Scenic. Yeah, there's not roads.
56:13
I mean that they're just The fact that there was a lodge with
56:18
a satellite phone of some sort within a few miles of this rapid
56:24
was incredibly lucky that is not the case.
56:28
But it still seemed like if it took multiple days to get a
56:31
helicopter out there, it really didn't matter.
56:33
Colin. Yeah.
56:36
It's still going to be a slow situation and you know, time
56:40
wise might be a little bit off. Maybe it was the next day, I
56:42
don't know. But it felt like time had
56:45
passed. I mean, time moved slowly
56:48
through this whole, through the whole day and through the whole
56:51
rest of the trip. Time slowed way down.
56:57
And when I went back and did, I went back into the main salmon,
57:03
Not last summer, the summer before.
57:06
And then that was your first? I'm pretty sure that was my
57:09
first time back was a couple summers ago because I don't
57:14
remember. Was your dad alive then or did
57:17
you do it with me? No, I did it with my mom and
57:19
with Don and with Jim Awesome and other people I didn't know.
57:24
But it was my first time back and I remember getting to Bailey
57:30
Rapid and having having like a response.
57:36
What does? That say 2:30. 2:30 OK, Having
57:40
like a visceral response to I'm back at the rapid that the life
57:46
changing event happened at and going through it and then seeing
57:54
where the lodge was and where we camped that night.
57:57
It all felt like I felt so disoriented in space and time
58:03
and how long it took to get from there to there to there as an
58:07
adult versus my memory as a kid. So very, very disoriented in
58:15
like how time moved and and also the river changes all the time,
58:19
right? And there's probably some trauma
58:21
response to that. And like, you know, like you
58:24
thought it was, you thought. Yeah, yeah.
58:26
I thought, I thought that it was 20 minutes from the rapid to the
58:31
lodge and in reality it was probably closer to an hour and a
58:35
half. And then I thought it was, you
58:38
know, 1/2 an hour from the lodge to camp.
58:40
That was probably still another two hours.
58:43
So very, very disoriented. Yeah, it was.
58:52
It changed my life. Absolutely.
58:54
So now as a as a guide. So I did.
58:58
So yeah, I spent that. I spent a summer when I was 19
59:03
as a day trip guide on the Rogue.
59:05
And then I did when I was 18, I did one commercial trip as a
59:11
guide where I was like an assistant boatman.
59:14
They were short a boat guide and I just carried gear.
59:20
And that's that became my standard was if you want me to
59:23
be a guide, I'm only carrying gear.
59:26
I'm not carrying people. And like that was my rule.
59:31
So I did that three or four times throughout my 20s.
59:37
And then now as a guide, I am employed by Sundance Kayak
59:45
School during their, the weeks that they're partnered with the
59:50
nonprofit called First Descents that takes young people, young
59:55
adults, so from the ages of I think 21 to 42.
1:00:00
Takes them and they're experiencing cancer and takes
1:00:03
them on outdoor adventures and teaches them either how to
1:00:07
kayak, how to rock climb or how to surf.
1:00:11
And they have different partnerships with Outfitters
1:00:14
across the country. And their partner first descent
1:00:16
partnership for kayaking on the Rogue is with Sundance Kayaks.
1:00:21
Which was a very full circle moment for me because my dad was
1:00:28
a Sundance kayak instructor in the 70s.
1:00:31
And Sundance kayak school went through multiple hands, got
1:00:35
sold, bought and sold a few different times.
1:00:38
And the right around when my dad died, a friend of ours from the
1:00:46
river bought Sundance Kayak School and got this partnership
1:00:51
with First Descents. And I was on the river with him.
1:00:55
We were guiding a high school group that another river
1:01:00
childhood river friend was leading.
1:01:02
And I was just carrying my stuff.
1:01:05
I wasn't carrying passengers because he knew that was my
1:01:08
rule. And my friend who owns Sundance
1:01:12
Kayaks invited me to come and be an instructor, a guide on a week
1:01:19
with first descents. And so during those weeks, we
1:01:26
teach the this group of young adults how to kayak.
1:01:30
And we just stay on the recreation stretch, so between
1:01:33
the Yellow Bridge at Stratton and Grave Creek.
1:01:38
And we spend the, we spend 4 1/2 days just in this like Class 123
1:01:44
section of river doing small sections each day teaching like
1:01:49
the first day we just are at, I'll meet a boat ramp teaching
1:01:52
them how to be in the kayak, how to be upside down in the kayak,
1:01:57
how to paddle the kayak. So very introductory.
1:02:00
It's more of a. School.
1:02:01
It's more of a school setting and I'm rowing a raft, but it's
1:02:07
basically flat water. I don't carry passengers unless
1:02:11
they are exhausted from kayaking or being in the sun or, you
1:02:17
know, they're having a bad medication day or something like
1:02:20
that. If they're not, if they're not
1:02:22
able to be in the kayak for that day, then they'll sit on my
1:02:24
raft. But we're floating.
1:02:27
We're not going through any classes of river of water of
1:02:33
Rapids. So I'm, I'm guiding them in
1:02:37
their experience in their personal growth journey of
1:02:42
learning how to kayak and be on the river and, and do the river
1:02:46
life. But I'm not responsible for, I
1:02:50
mean, I have responsibility for their well-being and their
1:02:53
livelihood while they're with me.
1:02:55
But it's such low consequence, low risk that like it feels very
1:03:01
safe and comfortable and it's more, that's cool.
1:03:04
It's more personal relationship than river navigation and
1:03:09
safety. There's always a component of
1:03:11
safety, absolutely. But my role is just kind of
1:03:18
support and I get to row a raft that carries the extra equipment
1:03:24
that they need for the day, their lunches.
1:03:26
I get to play music and Just Dance and just keep the vibes
1:03:31
stoked and high while they're challenging themselves and being
1:03:36
pushed outside their comfort zones.
1:03:38
And it's very, it's so aligned for me, cool.
1:03:43
Like the the first week that I got to do was as transformative
1:03:47
for me as it was for the participants for sure.
1:03:52
And I cried probably more than any of them did.
1:03:56
And I got to tell my story of having just lost my dad to
1:04:01
cancer and him having this tie to Sundance Kayak School.
1:04:08
And now here I am at Sundance Kayak School supporting people
1:04:12
experiencing cancer and how profound and like special and
1:04:21
like embracing that is. And these people that come on,
1:04:28
is it all stages of cancer or is it usually terminal?
1:04:30
Like have you witness people recover and like, I don't know,
1:04:36
like give me that roundabout of like your.
1:04:40
It's all stages of cancer, but they have to be physically able
1:04:47
to do the do the kayaking. So in the past, from what I've
1:04:52
heard, they had participants that were on their way out and
1:04:57
were really being held through like they weren't kayaking, they
1:05:03
were sitting, they were enjoying.
1:05:08
And I think in more recent years they've decided that's a little
1:05:11
too much responsibility and pressure on the instructors to
1:05:18
have that level of like medical attentiveness.
1:05:22
The trips always have a medic there's on, there's always non
1:05:27
instructor support staff. So there are like volunteers and
1:05:31
paid folks from first descents that are there to have extra
1:05:36
hands. It's essentially like a 1 to 1
1:05:37
participant to staff or instructor.
1:05:41
So everybody, there's plenty of people to keep an eye on
1:05:45
everybody, but most everybody is either in recovery or in active
1:05:52
treatment, but still capable of. Active still and trying to live
1:05:57
their lives to the fullest. Active treatment and active
1:06:00
life. So this will be my third.
1:06:05
This summer will be my third summer that I get to participate
1:06:08
in this. And the first year I got one
1:06:12
week of it. Last year I had two weeks, this
1:06:15
year I get 4 weeks. Damn, it's really putting a
1:06:17
wrench in our podcast schedule. But no, it's fine.
1:06:22
It's gonna be great cuz I'll get to, you'll get to hear episodes
1:06:25
from First Descents folks. That'd be cool and hear their
1:06:29
transformative outdoor experiences either from their
1:06:32
First Descents experience or or otherwise.
1:06:37
It's really like it is when I found that work when when Jr.
1:06:42
the owner of Sundance Kayak invited me to participate in
1:06:45
this and I got to show up and have my first week there.
1:06:48
All I kept saying was like the either I was made for this job
1:06:52
or this job was made for me because I feel money doing it
1:06:55
fine. I mean, I'm not that that's a
1:06:57
factor in any play. Just out of curiosity, like is
1:07:00
it I? Didn't even know I was making
1:07:02
money. And then I got paid and then I
1:07:03
got a check and I was like, oh. That's nice.
1:07:06
Wow, OK. Sweet, that makes it even more
1:07:08
viable. Yeah, cuz I would have done it
1:07:10
for free and that I got a few 100 bucks was cool.
1:07:17
Just whipped cream on top. Yeah, it is the most aligned job
1:07:26
that I have ever experienced where all I have to do is show
1:07:30
up as my most authentic self. And that in and of itself is
1:07:36
inspiring and transformative and supportive.
1:07:39
And I just like get to be. So aligned.
1:07:45
So aligned, just fully present and embodying myself.
1:07:50
There's chefs, there's. We have private chefs that
1:07:53
prepare all the food so we're well fed.
1:07:55
We don't have to think about that at all.
1:07:58
We stay in, the participants get to stay in these nice but rustic
1:08:03
yurts and the instructors, we like camp out.
1:08:07
So I'm sleeping outside. It's beautiful.
1:08:10
It's, it's amazing. It's freaking heaven with like a
1:08:14
lot of emotional work also, because every day we have some
1:08:18
kind of like, they're also emotional breakdown and yeah,
1:08:22
that's awesome. It's, it's really communal and
1:08:25
transformative and I absolutely love it.
1:08:28
And I've met some really, really amazing people that are still
1:08:32
that are part of my everyday life.
1:08:34
That's amazing. Well, Emily, that story, I was
1:08:39
there with you. Yeah, just I was there.
1:08:43
They Yum. Yeah, 13 was a big year in my
1:08:47
life, Yeah. 13 Yeah, you know where to find Emily.
1:08:51
Yep, you can find me right here on the Go Wildly podcast.
1:08:55
She'll be here every episode, every episode except for some
1:08:58
that Heather may do on her own potentially, but I'm here.
1:09:02
I'm here at the Go Wildly podcast in Southern Oregon.
1:09:06
You can also find me on Instagram at Emily dot Go
1:09:09
wildly. Those are the best.
1:09:13
Those are the best Internet places to find me.
1:09:15
You can Google me, she's googleable.
1:09:18
I'm googleable and there's some fun stuff on there.
1:09:22
Stories for other times and my. Nothing gross or bad.
1:09:27
No, no, no, no, no, no. Just her political background,
1:09:30
right? Yeah.
1:09:31
Yeah, I have some political history that's that's pretty fun
1:09:33
out there. My piece of gear that I always
1:09:39
have with me, you just. Asked your own question.
1:09:46
Hold on a second, Emily. Oh, yeah, hey.
1:09:49
So when you're out boating, let's go specific like when
1:09:52
you're boating and rafting, what's the one piece of gear
1:09:54
that you always bring? And we'll get to see this again.
1:09:56
So another shout out when we're actually on the raft doing a
1:09:59
pod, but like just to round out this pod because this is our
1:10:03
steps. Like what is a gear that you
1:10:05
love to always bring with you? Beyond the standard stuff that
1:10:10
you should always have on a rafting trip, I always bring my
1:10:17
own pillow because on an overnight rafting trip.
1:10:22
Yeah, because my like my bed pillow.
1:10:25
I don't have a special like camping pillow.
1:10:28
I bring my bed pillow because it provides the comfort that I need
1:10:34
on the river. Yeah, it's I.
1:10:36
Felt like because that's like what I call that's what I like.
1:10:39
Blanky as a kid, Blanky as a kid.
1:10:41
But now I just like call the things that I like love to sleep
1:10:44
with my geekies. Yeah, it's, I don't, I don't go
1:10:49
on any overnight adventure without it because that is it.
1:10:53
Special. Is it like expensive?
1:10:54
No, just old. No at all, it's just it's just a
1:10:57
memory foam pillow that I sleep on best.
1:11:01
When I sleep on other pillows I don't sleep as well and sleep is
1:11:04
so important when. My sleep is fragile.
1:11:08
I don't know about yours my. Heart is you think my brother
1:11:12
and I have a tenuous relationship, sleep and I have a
1:11:15
tenuous relationship. So anything that I can do to
1:11:18
give myself better sleep when I'm out on a multi day adventure
1:11:23
and exhausted all day long and sleeping in semi foreign
1:11:29
environments. If I can have that comfort piece
1:11:32
of home that tells me it is time to go to sleep so that I can be
1:11:39
reserved, especially on these first descents weeks.
1:11:41
Like, yeah, I'm working from 6:00 AM till 11:00 PM and you're
1:11:47
sleeping. Out at the guide house there,
1:11:48
right? Yeah, I'm sleeping outside in
1:11:51
basically in a parking lot, OK. And anything that I can do to
1:11:56
get good enough sleep so that I can restore and show up the next
1:12:00
day as 110% as I was the day before, yes, I need to do.
1:12:06
Wow, one last question before we leave.
1:12:10
How do you want to be remembered in this life as you leave one
1:12:15
day? I would like to be remembered as
1:12:19
an embodiment of love and a a safe place for people to don't
1:12:25
do. That to Joe start crying.
1:12:32
Safe place. A safe place for people to show
1:12:34
up as they are and feel safe enough to transcend who they
1:12:44
showed up as and move into. Dogs started barking and it
1:12:52
sounded like it was coming from behind me, but it's in front of
1:12:54
me. A safe place for them to move
1:12:58
from who they're existing as into who they truly want to be
1:13:05
and who they are at their core and.
1:13:07
Do you do that? You strip people away to like
1:13:10
just and you don't judge 0 judgement from you in any
1:13:13
capacity. I mean, I could bring up the
1:13:15
most wildest shit and Emily's like, yeah, I can get behind
1:13:19
that in some capacity, yeah. Thank you, that's really what I
1:13:24
strive to be. I feel safe with you, like
1:13:27
telling you all of my shit. Like you're like so non
1:13:31
judgmental. Like I can just be so open with
1:13:34
any of my opinions that I, I don't let my opinions like
1:13:38
really fly. I mean, I do, I try to like put
1:13:40
a little bit of authority in, but like really I don't care
1:13:44
either. And you, I can say it freely.
1:13:47
I don't have to like, walk on egg shells around you at fucking
1:13:49
all. I'm so glad.
1:13:51
Yeah, no egg shell walking like it's.
1:13:54
And you, you create that safe face with maybe some of your
1:13:59
words that you, you know, as you talk to people.
1:14:02
I've I've seen it like you say a couple little things and people
1:14:06
are like, oh, OK, like I don't have to anyway, I could just do
1:14:10
me around you. And yeah.
1:14:13
And you're open to hear it all. Like what do you have to say?
1:14:18
Yeah. What do you bring to the table?
1:14:19
What's your life? And thank you.
1:14:22
I'm glad that what I want to be is.
1:14:25
What I received, Yeah, Yeah. Good.
1:14:27
Yeah, it's translating. Good.
1:14:29
That's really I want to be part of my non judgmental arriving in
1:14:39
an odd judgment. Non judgmental being is that I
1:14:44
want to be a mirror, a sounding board that I don't need to tell
1:14:48
you. I mean, I can give feedback, I
1:14:50
can give advice, I can bring perspective, but mostly for me
1:14:56
it's about letting you or someone hear themselves and hear
1:15:03
what they're saying, hear what they're projecting out and not
1:15:08
have it thrown back in their face.
1:15:10
Just have it land and allow them to reflect and re rearrange as
1:15:20
they see fit. I'm not here to get anybody to
1:15:23
do anything they don't want to do, but I am here to help move
1:15:28
them towards who they want to be and how they want to be.
1:15:34
Partly. Well, my my favorite Jewish
1:15:40
tenant is Tukun Olam, which means repair the world.
1:15:46
And so I embody that in trying to leave everything better than
1:15:54
I found it. And I'm not the one who decides
1:15:57
what makes it better. Everybody has to figure that out
1:16:02
for themselves. But if I can give and show up
1:16:05
and provide and demonstrate love and acceptance and tolerance and
1:16:15
warmth. And that was all she wrote.
1:16:19
Folks, our battery ended up dying here and we.
1:16:21
Decided to go ahead and call it a.
1:16:23
Day We hope you enjoyed this episode and happy 4th of July
1:16:28
and happy birthday to me. Film edited and produced by
1:16:33
Heather white and Emily brillant the go wildly music is rainmaker
1:16:36
by Jared masters. This wildly us episode was
1:16:40
filmed at Griffin Park in Grants Pass, OR thanks for listening.
1:16:43
Please follow like, subscribe and of course share.
1:16:46
New episodes drop every Friday. Remember to rate and review.
1:16:50
Find us at Go Wildly podcast everywhere.