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Divorce and Affect On Children By Brett Keane · Brett Keane and Eve Show

1:03
None. Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
1:04
My name is Brett Keene, and you are watching and listening to
1:07
the Brett Keene Show. I hope you're all having a
1:09
blessed day out there. I hope that God's been good to
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you. Today we're going to talk about
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divorces. We're going to talk about some
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of the divorces that I've lived through and I've experienced.
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And before we get into that, though, I want to let you all
1:25
know that on Saturday at 9:00 PM Central.
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I'm going to be doing a live show.
1:30
The video is already up on my front page, it's scheduled, you
1:33
can click notify, and there's even a public link.
1:37
Every time I do a live show, I always put a public link out.
1:40
You don't have to pay a dime, even though I would appreciate
1:43
it if you guys became members of my YouTube channel.
1:47
It costs like a buck or less and stuff a month and everything and
1:51
it really helps out with bills and all that, if you feel like
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it. Now, many of you voted on my
1:57
community page that you wanted to hear about my personal life,
2:03
you wanted to hear about things. And in the past I used to talk
2:07
about my personal life and to be honest with you, it's very
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therapeutic. That's the reason why I have a
2:13
playlist called Personal Diary where I talk about experiences
2:18
that I've had and things that I've been through.
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And what I learned from it, how I grew or how it stumped me or
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traumatized me, all this and I think a lot of people, for some
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reason, they identify, they relate.
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I mean, a lot of you, you love my God videos, you love my
2:35
religion entertainment videos and all that, But for some
2:38
reason the personal stuff is is what touches you, I guess.
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And hopefully this video will do the same.
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Maybe you'll learn something, hopefully.
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So the first divorce I experienced was obviously
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between my father and my biological mother.
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You know, they say that whenever parents get a divorce, it
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traumatizes you were the children.
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The children have a very hard time dealing with the separation
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of their parents. For me, that wasn't the same.
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I I didn't have trauma due to my parents getting a divorce.
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And the reason why is because by the time I became self aware and
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I realized what was going on in the world, my father had set
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himself up in a position where he spent most of his time at
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work all day long, so I didn't hardly get to see him to begin
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with. This to me when looking back on
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it as an older man, wasn't the marriage in the 1st place, it
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was if they were already separated all the years that.
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I was actually with them. I recall that my mother was very
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needy. She liked to fight and argue all
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the time, and it was discovered later on in her life that she
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suffered from something called bipolar manic depression.
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She would have her UPS where it seemed like the world was great
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for her, everything was fantastic.
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And then other days, she felt lonely.
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She felt unloved. She didn't feel beautiful.
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She felt she would say things like, I'm a terrible mother, I'm
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a terrible wife. But somehow, even though she
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blamed herself for all these things, when my dad would come
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home from a long day at work, she would accuse him of all
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kinds of horrible shit. She would accuse him of
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cheating. She would accuse him of being a
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piece of shit, that it was somehow his fault why her life
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didn't turn out the way she wanted.
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And my dad wasn't happy either. He wasn't anymore.
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He felt that she was the big reason why his life went to shit
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as well. They both agreed in that way
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that being together was fucking hell and they and you can
5:03
clearly as a child sense that there was.
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These were two people who cared about each other at one point in
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time, but now that love turned stale and it turned into hate.
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And they obviously both of them did not share each other's
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ambitions and dreams. And I can't tell you what it is
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why they even got together in the 1st place.
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I never seen them have a moment where they just looked into each
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other's eyes and. And said nice shit to each
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other. I have never experienced a
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moment where like they both held me in bed or something like that
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and told me a story or blah blah blah.
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They were their own people and neither one of them seem like
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they were really interested and and the kid they brought in the
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world, I literally felt like I was just kind of there and that
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I was just my very presence was. Just another responsibility, a
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problem mouth to feed. That's how I felt about myself.
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So I didn't have a very good self esteem.
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Whenever I was a kid, I didn't feel like my parents gave a shit
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about me. Now my mother, unlike my father,
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was very expressive. She claimed to love me all the
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time. Is where my father wasn't very
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good at saying shit like that. But the problem was, although my
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mother said it, her fucking actions and behaviors told a
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different story. If you love someone, you don't
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scream at them all the time and punch them and hit them and
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throw shit at them. I remember feeling at times like
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my mother was possessed by a fucking demon.
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I remember whenever I was a child, I actually, due to my
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grandmother's influence of taking me to church a couple
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times. I remember imagining that my
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mother might be possessed. I remember watching the movie
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The Exorcist about a little girl who ended up turning into a a
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demon for a while there before the priest came in and, you
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know, adjusted that fucking problem.
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And I remember thinking that really scary thought that is
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this. Did God leave me a little weak
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boy in the house with a sick, depraved, demonic fucking woman?
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Is this what happened? And I remember after a while of
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going through that abuse and through that pain, I remember
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thinking to myself, why did my dad leave me with this?
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Why didn't he try to fight? Why didn't he try to take me or
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something? My dad and I, we had physical
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altercations whenever I was a kid, if I did something stupid
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or I fucked something up. He wasn't really all about
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spankings. He was the type of guy that
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brought pulled the belt off and whipped my ass all over the
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fucking house for it. And there were a couple times
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where there were a closed fist and that's how he dealt with me.
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But it wasn't nothing like the abuse that I went through with
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my mother, so. It was constant emotional and I
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got to be honest with you thinking back on it.
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If I had a choice between getting popped in the fucking
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head by my dad or being screamed at day and night over and over
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and told what a useless bastard I am, I'd probably go for the
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punch because the punch hurts for a little while.
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Now don't get me wrong, my dad's got a a good right and left and
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shit, but a punch only lasts for a little bit.
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And and since my fucking head's made out of play DoH anyway, it
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ain't no big deal but emotional abuse.
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That was hell on wheels for me. That tore down an already broken
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system. So when they went through that
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divorce, it didn't feel like either one of them were there
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anyway. I didn't know what it was like
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to have a unit or parents that seem like they were involved
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that much. The trauma was being left with
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my mother and. Asking the question where is my
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dad and all this? But he wasn't the only one, I
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wondered. Where the fuck is everybody
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else? You know, where is everybody?
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Why am I dealing with this, The psychopath?
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Now you have to understand, and I want to remind you all, that
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before my mother started really showing signs of her bipolar Mac
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depression really getting sick to me she seemed very angelic,
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She seemed like. You know, one of the sweetest
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women in the world when I was real little.
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But sometimes I wonder to myself if I just deluded myself and
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made-up that positive shit about my mother just so I could.
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How do I put it, put this idea in my own head that there was a
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time that she was good instead of just saying 100% she was
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shut. I really do wonder that it's
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been such a long time trying to imagine anything positive.
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She actually did. It's hard.
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It's hard. Well, I've experienced that,
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that divorce and that didn't really, like I said it didn't.
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It didn't have an effect. Unfortunately, my father picked
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the wrong timing whenever he did it.
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I suppose there's never really a good time.
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The time that he decided to do this, we then found out that my
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grandmother, which is my mother's mother, was dying from
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cancer. So now my mother's already set
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on fire for the divorce and everything that's going wrong.
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But now she's got to experience her own mother dying right in
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front of her and in front of myself.
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I got to watch my grandmother die.
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So that was. That was tough, and that was
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what pushed my mother over the edge.
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And then whatever good I may have deluded myself into
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believing she had was absolutely out the fucking window.
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Well, my father went on to sometime later.
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I'm not exactly the time frames because I didn't see my dad very
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often, but he ended up finding another woman.
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She was a younger woman, redhead.
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I'm not going to say her name out there, but she already had
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two children. She had had a husband that she
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was happy with, but that husband unfortunately got into a car
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accident and died. So it wasn't like she got out of
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a relationship that was bad. She had a good man, but the man
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died. And then my dad came along and
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somehow they got connected and involved with each other.
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And my father went on to basically taking care of her
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kids. And I remember that being really
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hard on me. I remember when I met them, they
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seem like they were very happy kids.
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It looked like my dad was taking an extra effort.
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To be a little bit more for them, kind of like they were
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being used as what could have been for me was being used for
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them. That's what I felt like whenever
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I was younger, I felt like. Why?
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Why is he so good to these two kids?
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But then I'm like the I'm still shit.
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And I suppose he tried. I remember sometimes where we
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talked at a table, him and her and all that, and she made it
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abundantly clear that she didn't want my ass there.
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I mean, there were times when my dad would be at work and she he
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said, Look, I only took your ass in here because your mother
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doesn't want you and all this kind of shit.
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And I was thinking to myself, why did Dad bring me into this
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fucking mess? Why did he hook me up with this
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young woman who doesn't want me here?
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I think one of the only things that really got me by and all
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that is her kids love the shit out of me though.
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They actually wanted a Big Brother and they, you know, gave
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me hugs and all that, and they made me feel like they wanted me
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there. But their mother hated the shit
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out of it. But I could.
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Kind of understand where she was coming from too.
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She lost your husband one and #2.
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My mother would call up constantly or she would come by
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and make this woman's life fucking miserable.
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They. I literally watched these two
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women get into a fight right out in the middle of the fucking St.
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and no one was there to help this woman.
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And I remember feeling totally awkward because.
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I didn't hate her, but I didn't want to see my mother as well as
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some woman that my dad was involved with getting into a a
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death match in the middle of the fucking Rd.
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My mother wanted to kill her and I didn't know what to do.
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Should I pull my mother off? Should I do this?
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I hesitated for quite some time there, but finally I ended up
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getting involved and pulling them both apart.
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But at the time, to be honest with you, I wasn't exactly sure
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why my mother was going after this woman anyway.
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This woman didn't, like, go out and seek my father.
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She didn't, like, try to take my father from my mother.
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My father and mother were long divorced, so the woman didn't
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exactly deserve that shit just because she.
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Didn't want me around doesn't mean that she is any less of a
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woman or has any less of value because of that.
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I wasn't her kid. Why would she want me around?
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The only reason why stepmoms and women sometimes put up with
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men's other children, or the vice versa, is because they
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think that'll make your partner happy.
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It's not because they truly want to.
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I guess there's some stepmoms and step dads who've learned to
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love a child and take them on as their own and all that.
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But I mean, let's be honest, if a woman is holding her real
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child over a Cliff, and in her other hand she's got some other
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woman's kid, and she's got to choose between which one falls,
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which one dies, and which one she uses all her strength to
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lift up, it's inevitable. It's human nature that you're
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going to drop the the strange kid as opposed to the one that
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actually came out of your womb, you know, the one that you
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brought into the world. And I don't blame people for
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having that type of that type of perspective.
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And I felt like I was a strange kid that was basically hanging
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over the Cliff from someone who didn't want me there in the 1st
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place. So there wasn't even a thought
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of saving my ass at all. So eventually there was one day.
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I lasted about three or four months in this predicament,
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being around these people, until finally the woman told my dad
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she wanted me out of the house. I think that I was about 1514
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years old at the time. This is about two years after
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two or three years, I think after my mother's loss.
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Now remember, I'm terrible with time frames.
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I can't remember it all. There were just long stunts or
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stents. Where I didn't get to see what
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was going on or anything to do with my dad or whatever.
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Well, let's see. So there was this moment, I
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suppose, where I went on to live my life in Missouri.
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I had like this small little apartment that I was living in.
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I was dating a girl. And somehow, someway, I don't
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know how, my dad found me, but he did.
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And he came to my home and I remember thinking, oh wow, this
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is weird. I haven't seen this man in a
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long time. And he knocks on my door and I'm
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like, Dad, what's going on? And hey, how are you doing?
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How'd you find me? Kind of thing.
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And he told me that he went through a divorce with Kathy and
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that all this shit was fucking rough.
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Oops. I've.
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I shouldn't have mentioned names, but I did.
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So what? And she basically tossed him out
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and he lost a lot of things. And I remember thinking at that
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time, I was a very young guy living on my own because I
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couldn't live with my mother. And if I tried living with my
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mother, she would have ended up putting me in foster care, some
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kind of placement area. And I didn't want that.
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I rather take my chances on the street than be sitting under
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somebody else's thumb. So I was.
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I was living at Ralph. I had a couch, one little couch,
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just enough space for a couch and a bed in the backroom and a
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kitchen that was pretty much connected.
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It was a little bitty. Oh, shithole.
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See comes, and he's telling me about all those issues.
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And I had this weird thing come over me where I was like, this
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is, even though this is sad and terrible what happened to Dad.
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Maybe this is that time now that he doesn't have any women
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involved in his life, where me and him can get to know each
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other. And, you know, I could find out
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more about my dad and he finds out more about me and maybe
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there's a relationship to be built here.
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Unfortunately, he told me that he's leaving for Florida.
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And I was like, well, if you go to Florida, I won't ever see
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you. And he goes, I know, I know, but
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I just, I need to get out of here.
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And I'm like, well, how am I supposed to keep contact with
19:18
you? And he just said, I don't know.
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And I said, well Dad, I don't have anybody.
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I I I need somebody, you know, I care about you.
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I want to be involved. And I earnestly did.
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I earnestly did care. And I really believed for a
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while there that something was going to happen.
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But he did as he said he was going to do.
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He went to Florida and apparently he ended up meeting
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up with his mother and some other people, I guess.
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And he got his life back together and many years went by
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before I would hear or speak to him again.
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So. OK, well I ended up leaving that
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place that I was living in. After a little while I moved up
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into another area. I got to around 1718 years old
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and I ended up meeting the woman that would be my wife.
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And I remember saying to myself when I got involved with her, I
20:28
said I don't want any woman out there ever not feeling loved.
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If a woman's beautiful, then she ought to be told that she's
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beautiful. I basically did something really
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odd. You know how a lot of people,
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they look for role models and then they try to mimic things
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that other people do that they think are good.
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Well, nobody in my family. I never witnessed any of them
20:56
really do anything good except for that.
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There were moments whenever I was a kid where me and my dad,
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every once in a blue moon, went fishing.
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I do recall that. I do recall me sitting there.
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We didn't really talk much because my dad would tell me I
21:12
need to be quiet or I scared the fucking fish away.
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So we didn't talk. We just kind of sat there.
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But I remember enjoying the environment and feeling at
21:22
peace. I remember seeing the light come
21:26
over the lake and and all that and reeling and fish and shit.
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And my dad was apparently really good at it.
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It was the first time I learned that you got to be careful the
21:37
way you touch fish because they could cut you open with their
21:40
fins or the whiskers and all that kind of shit.
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For the first time, I realized that fucking Fish even had
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whiskers, at least some of them. So there was that.
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So there was a point in time where me and my wife, we ended
21:57
up getting this weird idea in our head that we wanted to head
22:00
down to Florida, and we ended up getting a place down there and
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meeting up with my dad. We didn't have a very good
22:09
experience with his mother. His mother always seemed like
22:12
she didn't ever want me around and shit.
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My daddy was just kind of like, yeah, you can stay here, but you
22:22
need to get your stuff together and, you know, try to get
22:26
yourself out of here whenever you can.
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Kind of deal. There wasn't no, you know, I
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love you. I want the best for you, that
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kind of thing. In fact, he never asked for any
22:38
of that shit anyway. Unfortunately, this was an
22:41
incident where my mother was involved and actually kind of
22:46
dropped this into his arms and he didn't ask for any of that.
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So I can't really hate on him for it or give him any shit.
22:55
But we, me and my brother and sister were dropped on his ass
22:59
and somehow he had to get everything together.
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I know some of you out there might think, well, he's your
23:06
father, he should, blah, blah, blah.
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But that's not the way I think of people.
23:11
I understand that People, it's a it would be a beautiful world if
23:16
people just simply, you know, looked at their kids and said,
23:19
hey, you know, I'm going to bend over backwards.
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I'm going to love these kids and I'm going to do whatever it
23:24
takes. Kids are the most important kind
23:26
of thing. And I get that.
23:28
That's how I feel about my kids. But not everybody's like that.
23:32
Not everybody's got that that that thing going on.
23:36
It's not like the movies where people just look at their kids
23:40
and go Oh yeah, you know, this is life changing.
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For me, it was, for me having children it was.
23:47
But for some men it's not. I always got the idea from my
23:53
mom and dad that I wasn't meant to even exist in the 1st place,
23:59
and I think that I was there the day that my siblings were
24:04
conceived. Anyway, my father was
24:08
unfortunately coming over and visiting my mother while they
24:11
were already separated every once in a while.
24:14
I remember coming home from school and then see him driving
24:19
away. Or he'd be there for a few
24:21
minutes when I got home, and apparently him and mom spent
24:25
some time, but whenever I got there, he just kind of left.
24:31
And I remember my mother would say to me over and over, oh,
24:34
your father just come over here to get some tail.
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That was it. Wow, right.
24:44
Maybe there was more, Maybe there's more to the story.
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How am I supposed to know? Never really had a deep
24:51
conversation with my dad about what his perspective was on it.
24:55
And he's never really felt the desire to explain it to me
24:58
either. I just got to hear my mom's side
25:01
of it. But I still even though my dad
25:04
didn't make an attempt to straighten it out of my head for
25:06
me, I still always gave him the benefit of the doubt.
25:10
Don't know why. I know my brother and my sister
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haven't. Anytime I ever get into a
25:18
conversation with them, they seem so traumatized about it.
25:21
They say they don't want to talk about the past, but they bring
25:24
it up all the time. And then I'm just kind of
25:28
sitting there going, yeah, you know, you know, you know, I
25:31
don't know what to say. But my brother, you got to
25:36
understand, my brother and sister had more time with them,
25:39
more experiences. Remember, they got dropped on
25:41
them whenever they were younger and then they actually grew up
25:45
in the household with my dad and the new stepmom that would come
25:49
along. Well, the reason why I'm
25:56
reminded of all this shit and thinking about it is because
26:02
last night, just last night, something weird happened to me.
26:08
I was chilling out with my wife and we were just talking and I
26:17
end up rolling me a cigarette and I didn't know my wife ended
26:20
up. She had some, she had some weed
26:23
that was mixed in my tobacco. I didn't know that, all right.
26:26
My wife takes it because she's got some problems, some health
26:31
issues and she's been taking, she's been doing weed in order
26:34
to be able to relax her body and it's helped her out.
26:37
Well, she mixed it into my tobacco.
26:39
I roll my cigarettes and I went out on the the the deck with her
26:46
and we're talking and I'm smoking my cigarette and she
26:49
goes, honey that smells like weed and I'm like, I started
26:54
smelling. I was like, it does, why does my
26:57
cigarette smell like this for you?
26:59
Got to understand folks, I'm not a weeds.
27:01
I'm not big into weed or doing drugs or anything like that.
27:05
I understand that someone needs it if someone's like suffering
27:10
and they need to numb their body or deal with their health issues
27:14
with it. I hear that it does good things
27:16
for people, but I've never really had a desire to get into
27:20
drugs. But unfortunately, I had taken
27:23
some huge tokes of that cigarette.
27:26
And think about this too. I haven't smoked for a long
27:29
time. I've been doing the vapors.
27:32
But just it was a nice day. The wind was blowing, the sun
27:36
was just starting to, you know, glimmer out and I smoked that
27:42
thing and I'm like, oh shit, I'm going to be fucking baked, baby.
27:46
I'm going to be baked. So I go in my room, I lay down.
27:50
My back had been hurting all day.
27:53
I have a lot of serious back issues, baby, that that are
27:59
fucking killing me and shit like that.
28:01
I've been taking a lot of Tylenol and doing a lot of
28:04
stretching in order to try to get my back doing better.
28:07
I've had back issues ever since an accident.
28:10
I'm not going to get into that shit, but what happens is I'm
28:16
laying down, I'm relaxing. I'm literally thinking about
28:19
eating a little bit of food because you get hungry when you
28:22
eat, when you smoke that shit. And I was thinking, OK, I'm
28:26
going to get me some fucking sleep.
28:29
I'm going to, I'm going to get some sleep.
28:31
Unfortunately, my wife comes in with the phone.
28:34
Her. Yeah, well, I guess I don't need
28:38
to go into detail what kind of phone it is, but she had my
28:42
brother on speaker and my brother says, hey, we got a
28:46
message from the stepmom. I'm not going to mention her
28:51
name. She says that she needs us to
28:54
come down to the house because she's thinking of kicking my dad
28:59
out of the house and they're thinking about getting a fucking
29:02
divorce. Well, I was like, oh, I probably
29:11
didn't react like I normally would because I was buzzing.
29:15
I was basically baked. I was like, fuck.
29:18
And my brother, he wanted me down there because this is his
29:22
exact words. He said brought We need you
29:25
there because you're the voice of reason.
29:27
I'm like me, the voice of reason.
29:32
People hardly ever listen to a fucking thing I say.
29:35
Are you kidding me? I say a lot of things.
29:38
I say that I read. I think that what I say is
29:42
reasonable, but you know, it's like, why?
29:45
What's the point of being the voice of reason if it's all
29:48
going to be fallen or deaf ears or mute people, right?
29:52
So he tells me he wants me to be there, and he says that Dana
29:55
might be there and all that. My sister, which I haven't had
29:58
much interaction with her. She's become very separate from
30:02
my life, along with her part of the family.
30:06
And honestly, I haven't been spending much time with my
30:09
brother too. If my memory serves me right,
30:14
I've just been dealing with my bad back and just trying to live
30:17
my own life. Well, my son ends up wanting to
30:24
go down, find out what's going on.
30:28
My son, I could tell he was having anxiety.
30:31
He was worried. And it was very, very unusual
30:38
because even though I've only met my stepmom a few times since
30:46
her and my dad moved from Florida and came up to Missouri,
30:52
I didn't really. I still to this day, I don't
30:55
know her very well. When I do visit, which isn't
30:59
very often, it's usually my dad and her being.
31:06
They're nice and they're just kind of laughing with me and
31:10
chuckling and all that, but I feel like I don't know how to
31:13
explain it. It feels like you go into a bar
31:16
and people are automatically like nice to you.
31:19
And people are, you know, lifting their drinks and they're
31:22
doing their jokes. And you kind of you're kind of
31:25
OK that you're there and you like the people, but you don't
31:28
really know them. And you know that at the end of
31:31
the night that you probably won't see them for a long time
31:34
or never. That's the kind of vibe I get.
31:39
I don't know how to change that. And I I never really thought it
31:43
was a good idea to sit down with either one of them and tell them
31:46
that because it seems like in a way, in their own weird way,
31:51
they're trying to connect with me and I don't want them to know
31:56
that I feel totally disconnected.
31:59
I don't. I don't feel like, and it's not
32:04
just them. I don't feel connected with my
32:07
siblings anymore either. I think as I've gotten older,
32:11
I've been broken down so much. There's not a wall there.
32:16
There's just simply not a connection.
32:19
You know, there's a difference between creating a wall amongst
32:23
yourself where you push people away.
32:25
Then the difference of you just don't care anymore.
32:29
You just it's like you tried and you tried and you tried and you
32:32
did tug of war and it was a never ending thing where you
32:36
were just never going to pull what you required in life over
32:41
the line. So it didn't matter.
32:46
I suppose deep down inside I wish there was some way I could
32:51
connect, but I I don't know how and I don't even know if I have
32:55
the energy for it anymore. I just kind of feel like at this
32:58
point, my dad's old and maybe every once in a while I should
33:04
communicate with him before he leaves this world.
33:07
I feel like, you know, at least that.
33:10
And for her. She's my dad's wife and she has
33:15
never done me wrong. So you know, if someone's nice
33:21
to you, you're nice back. That's my attitude about it.
33:25
He's never been mean, as far as I know to myself.
33:28
I had plenty of problems with my brother and sister, but but me,
33:34
I don't. I don't have any, like, negative
33:36
feelings about her. Don't really have negative
33:41
feelings about my dad anymore either.
33:43
It's just like hanging out with a stranger who's attempting to
33:46
be nice in the moment. Well, before I get into what
33:55
happened, before we pulled up to that incident, my wife has also
33:59
been going through some of the same kind of experiences.
34:03
I don't know if many of you know this, but it's been a very
34:06
lonely existence for my wife as well as me, because my wife has
34:10
it even worse than I do. None of her family want to be
34:15
connected with her involved in her life.
34:18
Since she was a young girl, her mother disowned her and
34:22
abandoned her. And to this day, I don't know
34:25
why. Because as long as I've known my
34:28
wife, my wife is the type of woman that whenever she loves
34:31
you and cares about you, she gives everything she's got.
34:35
She's a good woman, she loves and she she is there for her
34:40
kids. She's a great mother as far as
34:43
I'm concerned. She's a great wife, but none of
34:47
her family want to be involved in her life.
34:51
But from what my wife tells me, they don't really connect with
35:00
other each other either. So it's not her fault.
35:05
It's just there are people who just don't give a fuck.
35:10
It's really confusing when you watch TV's and movies and or if
35:14
you go to attend a church and you see families connected and
35:18
wanting to be with each other. But I think that's actually one
35:22
of the big reasons why my wife and I identify and relate so
35:25
much. There's been plenty of times
35:30
where we sit out and she talks about how her people don't love
35:34
her and they don't try to be there for her.
35:37
And we've actually talked about whenever we die, will anybody
35:41
actually show up at the funeral? I even joked with my wife and I
35:45
said, you know what? Funerals are extremely
35:48
expensive. Why even waste money on that?
35:51
If I die, just you and the kids put me in a garbage bag and put
35:55
me up by a side of the road and my wife says, hell no, no, I'm
36:00
going to make sure that you you have everything you deserve.
36:04
Flowers and nice shit and all that.
36:06
It's like flowers. You mean the flowers are for
36:09
you? Because even though I believe
36:10
I'm going to God, hopefully I don't.
36:16
I'm not a big flower man and I'm I suspect that when you're dead,
36:20
you're not going to really give a shit about how fancy it is,
36:23
right? I would rather my family go out
36:28
and eat and have something nice going on for them, you know, buy
36:31
a new T-shirt than waste money on a fucking box that's going to
36:35
end up getting dirt thrown on it anyway.
36:42
So, and the reason why I bring up my wife and her family is
36:46
because recently, well not recently in the last decade she
36:54
used to have a stepmom that was hooked up with her dad and this
36:58
woman did not like me at all. She tried everything she could
37:02
to get my wife to leave me and she started a lot of trouble
37:07
that a lot of the Youtubers out there.
37:09
Atheist Youtubers, capitalized on.
37:12
My stepmother. Not my stepmother, but my wife's
37:17
stepmother caused a lot of trouble and shit for my wife and
37:22
myself and our children. But thank God, thank God, that
37:29
what ends up happening is, and I don't say this is a blessing for
37:33
her father, but her father ended up finding out that his wife was
37:38
cheating, she was going out screwing other men, and they
37:42
ended up divorcing. So she's no longer in the
37:47
picture and she hasn't been for almost a decade now, and me and
37:51
my wife are pretty happy about that.
37:54
You know, a lot of divorces are rough and they're terrible and
37:57
people don't like to see it, but my wife and I were actually
38:01
pretty fucking happy because we didn't like the bitch.
38:04
She was mean to dawn, She was mean to myself.
38:08
She liked to start drama and trouble, and she almost
38:12
succeeded at getting me and my wife separated a long time ago.
38:18
So knowing that she was gone. I mean, I literally, I hate to
38:24
say this because it sounds totally wicked of me, but I
38:27
actually sung the song. Yeah.
38:29
Yeah. The witch is dead.
38:31
The witch is dead. The witch is dead.
38:33
And I was just really glad that bitch was gone.
38:41
She was mean. She didn't even attempt to be
38:43
nice. OK, so back to my dad and his
38:51
wife. So we're traveling down there.
38:56
I got the window open. I'm trying to sober myself up
38:59
from this being baked shit. And I got the cold air running
39:04
in my hair and my face, and that's feeling pretty good.
39:08
And my brother's going on about something.
39:11
His wife's going on about something.
39:14
My son's behind me and the and the vehicle talking.
39:19
We get down there and it was just really, it was unusual
39:26
because one, we were asked to come down there by her, but my
39:31
dad didn't say anything about wanting us involved in the
39:35
conversation. And when I'm dealing with other
39:40
people, I always try to imagine what's going on in their mind or
39:45
what is it from their perspective.
39:48
How do they feel about what's happening?
39:51
And I couldn't imagine if my wife called a bunch of people
39:54
and then I come home and I and I see a bunch of people sitting
39:58
around wanting to talk about a marriage we know nothing about.
40:04
As far as I was concerned, I always thought that my dad and
40:08
this woman got along just fine. Every time I met them.
40:12
They were chattery and they would, you know, laugh and joke
40:16
or we'd eat something or have some BBQ or whatever.
40:20
And I never really had a sense that there was any, like,
40:23
problem between either one of them.
40:25
They seemed pretty happy to me. You know, they seemed content,
40:31
you know, like an older couple that were just doing their
40:34
thing. I had no idea what I was going
40:38
to hear or run into. And you have to understand too,
40:43
that I wasn't called directly. My wife and I wasn't called
40:46
directly. My brother calls me and tells me
40:49
that there's some shit going down and that Dad might end up
40:52
in the street. And I'm like, what?
40:53
What? What?
40:54
What the fuck's going on in here?
40:58
So I get down there and this woman's crying and she's saying
41:03
that she doesn't feel like she is getting a lot of love.
41:07
He doesn't feel like she's getting attention.
41:10
She feels like my father is void of emotion and feeling, and I
41:21
probably would have been more informative or talkative.
41:24
I did offer some advice and ask some questions and shit, but I
41:32
was baked. So I was just kind of doing
41:35
that. But I wasn't really, I don't
41:39
know, connected to the conversation.
41:42
I it's like I felt bad, but I wasn't exactly sure what to do.
41:46
And then my father informed us all that he had food poisoning.
41:51
They sick to his stomach. He'd been shitting all damn day.
41:55
He wasn't feeling well. So I'm thinking, oh boy.
41:59
So we're sitting here, at least for me.
42:03
I'm involved in a conversation where my dad's extremely
42:06
physically sick and she's emotionally sick and they're
42:10
having these problems. And he didn't directly invite me
42:15
down there to be involved in this, but he did end up making
42:18
it clear that if I wanted to be there, I could.
42:22
But that's that's weird, asking someone, if you want to be
42:26
involved in a a fucking mess, then sure, you know, what do you
42:32
say to that, right? What the fuck do you say to
42:34
that? He's Oh yeah, sure.
42:37
I'd love to thank you for the invite.
42:39
You know, the conversation was sporadic.
42:48
My dad was his usual passive aggressive where he just kind of
42:53
went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, you know, I do
42:57
this and I do that and he was seemed a little defensive, but
43:01
he wasn't really putting up much of a fight for himself.
43:04
He just, I've I've seen this part of my dad before where he's
43:10
the type of guy that whenever someone's getting on his ass or
43:14
whatever. I seen it happen with my mom.
43:16
I seen it happen with the Kathy. I mentioned her earlier in the
43:21
video. He he's the type of guy where if
43:25
you start getting on his ass, he starts like disappearing into
43:29
the void. You won't connect with him if
43:32
you try to do that and she's getting on to him and stuff
43:36
about how she feels like he's not doing the proper things a
43:39
man ought to do. And I don't know what to say
43:43
because I've never seen my father ever in my entire life be
43:48
very expressive. I've seen him cry twice about
43:53
some things, but I've never seen besides that he was never a guy
44:01
who put it out there, what he was feeling.
44:06
I mean, what I'm doing right now, making a video and I'm
44:09
talking about my feelings and what I went through and all
44:12
that. That's something that my father
44:16
has never been able to do. I've never seen him be able to
44:18
just work shit out with words. I think that he's got this idea
44:24
that as long as I'm here, then you should just take it as I'm
44:29
loyal and that I care and yadda yadda yadda.
44:34
He figures his presence should be enough.
44:40
And he's also the type of guy who if you want to get a hug or
44:44
you want to, you know, like get like that father hug, then you
44:49
have to initiate it. You can't like expect him to
44:52
make the first move aren't shut. At least that's what it's like
44:56
for me. So I didn't know what to say to
45:02
her. I'm like, my dad's a a simple
45:06
man. He's a simple man.
45:08
It's like he's the type of guy where if you have a ditch in the
45:12
road and you got a cop, a toilet and some food, he's good.
45:17
He doesn't give a fuck. And his only hobby that I've
45:21
ever known of, besides, like in the Watch The History Channel,
45:25
is he likes to work on cars and he likes the older cars.
45:30
That's what his entirety is. There's no, like, layers of the
45:34
onion there. And if he cares about you
45:37
According to him, then he's there for you.
45:41
So that, of course brings other thoughts into mind.
45:43
If you're not there, doesn't mean you don't care.
45:46
You know, I I don't know. I don't know, 'cause then that
45:49
would mean something entirely for me.
45:52
But I keep in mind my father's simple.
46:00
I think that my the reason why my father is like this is
46:05
because his father died whenever he was very young.
46:10
I think he was like 16 years old when his father died.
46:13
And he was raised by a very commanding, tough as nails type
46:20
of woman. A woman who was very, very
46:26
rough, knew exactly what she wanted and basically would mow
46:31
through anybody or anything that she's seen as an obstacle.
46:36
And that's the representation of a woman that my father grew up
46:42
with. And I think whenever he started
46:45
dating and meeting women and met my mother, my mother was a needy
46:50
woman who was not very independent, who required him to
46:55
be a part of the marriage is where his mother made him feel
46:59
as though he wasn't necessary or ever needed.
47:02
So he didn't know what that was like.
47:03
He was trained from a young age to not know what it's like to be
47:11
loved or give love back. And it was never required
47:15
because this woman needed nothing from him.
47:18
And I think that fucked up. That stunted my father's
47:22
emotions. That's my theory.
47:24
That's my that's my Internet psychiatry at work there, ladies
47:28
and gentlemen. Pay me at the end of the hour,
47:30
right? So the only thing that I could
47:38
think of to help them out was to just listen.
47:43
Listen to their problems and don't bring my fucking bullshit
47:47
into it. My brother and sister,
47:49
unfortunately, they slept and let out some bullshit every now
47:53
and then of how they felt and it became about them.
47:58
But I knew this was about my father and the woman he's with.
48:05
I didn't want to bring my shit into it.
48:07
And besides, I don't have a lot of that shit like stirring
48:11
around in my head anymore. I don't.
48:14
I I don't know. When I say I'm disconnected,
48:17
it's is it the right word to say you don't care, you just don't
48:22
give a shit? Or is it?
48:28
I don't know how to put it. I feel.
48:34
I guess if I were to try to put it some way to you, it feels
48:38
like my body is in the room but my soul is elsewhere.
48:45
But you still, I guess. In my case, I I tried in my
48:50
baked weight to offer some advice.
48:55
I figured, one, listen to their problems and #2 remind them of
49:01
the good things they liked about each other.
49:04
Don't dwell on the negative. Don't spend too much time where
49:08
they take shots at each other or talk about how each other's
49:15
failing, but actually talk about the good shit they loved about
49:19
each other. And then once they're reminded
49:22
that why they love each other, they can go on that because
49:26
that's really what it's got to be, right?
49:28
If you love someone and things are starting to fall apart, you
49:32
need to be reminded of the good they do.
49:34
If you allow them to tear on each other, then all that good
49:40
just fades away and you're left with the negative.
49:43
So my logic said, you know, I said to her, what are things
49:47
that you love about my dad? And then I said to my dad after
49:51
she answered, what do you love about her?
49:54
And unfortunately, my dad said I feel the same way.
49:58
She said, and she said, but I need you to say it.
50:03
He didn't want to, like, elaborate on why he loved her.
50:06
He just said basically it was like Patrick's Swayze ghost.
50:09
Ditto, Ditto. You know, I feel the same way.
50:14
He didn't. She needed to hear the words of
50:16
why. She basically doesn't want to be
50:22
in a position where she has to imagine what he thinks about
50:26
her. She wants to hear it every once
50:28
in a while. But sometimes someone just needs
50:34
to be told that they're beautiful.
50:36
Whether they think you believe it or not, they sometimes need
50:39
to hear the words. You're beautiful.
50:42
I love you. You're important to me.
50:44
You're special. I'm proud of you.
50:47
Sometimes you got to hear those words.
50:52
It just matters. It just means something for me.
51:00
I'm long past that kind of shit, though.
51:03
She is where she is in life. Me, I'm.
51:07
I don't need to hear people tell me they're proud of me.
51:10
I don't need to hear people say that they enjoy my shit.
51:15
A long time ago I made a decision in life that anything I
51:20
do, I got to like what I'm doing.
51:22
And if I don't like things and I start losing my desire to commit
51:29
to it, that's how it is for me. I don't know if that's a bad
51:33
habit or whatever, but I have learned in my life that when
51:36
things aren't working out, sometimes you got to just
51:42
sometimes you just got to let things go.
51:44
I've lost so much in life that it doesn't even.
51:48
The only thing that matters to me now is just my wife and my
51:51
kids. And I do care about my siblings
51:56
and I care about my family, but I focus on what I can change and
52:01
what I can do something about. And I know my wife and kids want
52:06
me and their life. I know that for a fact.
52:10
So I put all my efforts and energy into them and then from
52:14
time to time I I spray some little dust here and there
52:17
whenever I'm around anybody else.
52:19
But mostly all my efforts and energy are towards the people
52:23
that are actually in my radius and my proximity.
52:35
You know, they I'm about to end this.
52:41
They say that a child needs role models in their life.
52:45
They say that people need someone they can look up to in
52:48
order to learn how to do things, to develop their morality,
52:52
develop the some good traits and some habits.
52:56
So you need someone to be able to do that for you.
53:00
Well, I got something I want to say to you.
53:03
And you might think this is fucking stupid, but negative
53:06
role models are just as helpful sometimes as a good role model.
53:12
And I know what a lot of you are going to say, How the fuck is
53:14
that? Where where do you come up with
53:16
that shit, Brad? Because negative role models,
53:19
When you watch a negative role model and you see them fail, and
53:24
you see them fall in the potholes and you see them get
53:28
destroyed, you see them hurt or you see them go through bad
53:32
shit, either because of their own choices or because they hang
53:36
with the wrong fucking people are they put themselves in the
53:39
wrong positions. In a way, that's a learning
53:43
experience. When you watch other people fuck
53:46
up or fail or say the wrong things.
53:51
When you're faced with that position which everyone of you
53:54
will inevitably find yourself in a fucked up position in life
53:58
where you have to say the right things, or you have to do the
54:01
right things, or you're forced right there in the moment to
54:04
make the right decision. If you just think back what
54:08
happened to the negative person, if you don't have any good role
54:12
models to look up to, think of what they did, the choice they
54:16
made and do the total fucking opposite.
54:21
Take Will Smith and Jada Smith for example.
54:24
Those celebrities, I look at how shitty their marriage went and I
54:28
say, well, I ain't doing things like them and that seems to work
54:32
out just well for me. I see a train wreck and I say,
54:37
well, I don't want to be involved in that shit.
54:39
So how do I keep myself out of being in that position?
54:43
And that's really, really done a good thing for me.
54:46
So the point at the end of the day is that you can learn from
54:50
evil, you can learn from good, and you can also learn from
54:56
experience and whether it's negative or positive experience,
55:01
hard times, good times. If you've paid the fuck
55:04
attention, you're going to learn either way and you're going to
55:09
get something out of it. It may not feel good, especially
55:15
when a lot of the negativity is directed to you, but at least
55:19
you learned how to deal with it whenever the shit comes up
55:23
again, which that's the way life is.
55:25
It's a the fucking roller coaster ride has its ups and
55:28
downs. You just have to learn how to
55:33
ride it out and learn how to go with the spins and then finish
55:38
it out. There's no reason to jump off,
55:42
you know, early in the ride. There's no reason to give up.
55:45
Just just ride it out. It'll all end one day.
55:53
You might as well get it where you you can get it and take what
55:56
you can take and try to be at peace with what you have, even
56:01
if it's very little. You should cherish the very
56:04
little things that you have. Why you got them?
56:08
Because every good thing in this world dies.
56:13
All right, ladies and gentlemen, I hope this did something for
56:16
you. I know it did for me.
56:18
I know some of it was incoherent rambling.
56:21
But believe it or not, this isn't for you.
56:23
This is for me. I need to get the shit off of my
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chest. I don't want it inside me
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anymore, so I'm going to unleash it.
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And whoever decides to listen to this shit, that's up to you.
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This is my life. God bless.