Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Down (But Not Out) on Valentine’s Day with Golden Bachelor’s Cindy Cullers

Transcript

Down (But Not Out) on Valentine’s Day with Golden Bachelor’s Cindy Cullers · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. Happy Valentine's Day. It's Golden
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Bachelor's Cindy Colors taken over. I'm here in gorgeous Carmel,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: California for the Pebble Beach Pro Am golf tournament. First
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: of all, this is one of the most stunning places
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: on the planet Earth. You have the gorgeous cliffs that
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: lead to the ocean. The trees are just stunning. They
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: go all the way to the coast, rocky shore. Some
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: of the best golfing that you can find. And when
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: you have good golf, guess what, You've got a great crowd.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: You have great athletes, you have people who golf may
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: be socially and for their business. And so it's a
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: really fun, exciting crowd. And of course being here for
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: the pro am is such a treat. We were at
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: the airport last night just kind of vibing with the crowd.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Everyone's getting excited. Some had clubs, they have clubs, they're
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: probably playing. I like to get to know them. It's
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: a really fun place. So later today we'll be in downtown.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: We're going to go take a little shopping tour and
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: then go to a fantastic dinner. So the vibe here
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: has been absolutely fantastic. I'm not really a golfer, so
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I dated a golfer after I graduated college. He got
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: me my own clubs. I'm left handed, so I'm really
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: not even sure if I'm left golf or right golf.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to get back into it, but I
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: have to start there. I have two son in laws
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: who play, and I'm determined to kick their asses on
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the golf course. Determined, so I would like to find
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: a man who's a golfer, so I better learn how
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: to golf too. So today we are really excited because
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: the listeners have all been sending in questions for me
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: to answer. There's a lot of I haven't seen them yet.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I bet some of them are juicy. Let's just get
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: into it, see what we find. Okay, First of all,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Jamie at forty eight, Her question is I'm going to
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: be single on Valentine's Day. I don't want to sit
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: at home and be upset. What should I do? Jamie?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Valentine's Day is not reserved for just couples, So I
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: will say, if you go out, you will feel self
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: conscious that you were alone. But most everybody else is
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: going to be into their partner, into their date, and
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: you never know what you're going to find. So I
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: find that when I go out alone, and I do
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: that often, I always meet the nicest people next to me,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: and the wait staff will be very attentive to you.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: So go out and have some fun. Grab a friend,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: grab a guy who's a friend, or a girl who's
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a friend. It doesn't matter. Valentine's Day doesn't mean you
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: have to stay home. Also, it could be a self
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: care day for you. So if you want to just
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: take that time for yourself, there's no reason not to
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: stay at home. If you want to go out, go out.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Valentine's Day doesn't restrict us just because we don't have
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: a current partner. Love is love, That's what I say. Jamie.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I hope that helps, and I hope you have a
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: great day. Will you respond and let me know what
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: you ended up doing. I just hope it's super fun
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: for you. Life is too short, all right, Sherry sixty two,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: I can relate. I'll be sixty one in March. Cindy.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I loved watching you on The Golden Bachelor. Wow, thank you,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: thank you so much, And how confident you Wereugh here's
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: the question, what has dating been like since the show ended? Sheery,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: That's a great question. The show ended for me. We
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: stopped filming in August, and I had to wait until
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: I was off of this show to start dating again
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: because if I started dating, then all of you guys
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: would have known what the outcome was and that's just
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: not fair to the show. So I did not begin
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: dating until obviously I was off the show. And almost
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: immediately I had some people roll up into my dms
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: and sliding into my dms, you know, like everybody thought
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: would happen, and a couple did. And I had some
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: local people reach out who had seen me on the
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: show and they had a friend that wanted to meet me.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: For those, I was kind of like, wh why didn't
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: you share them with me before the show? But that's
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: another question. But how has it been for me dating?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: So it's been a little odd. I've started dating maybe
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: after the holidays, and I'm just I'm just trying to
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: figure it out. So yeah, I'm just trying to figure
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: it out. I do have a rule of thumb for
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: how to test compatibility if you're not going to go
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: on the Golden Bachelor. If you're not going to go
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: on The Bachelor. Here's a way to do it in
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: real life, and I learned this from a million dollar matchmaker.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Step one, you have three dates. Step one is you
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: meet them for twenty to forty minutes. Could be a
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: coffee date, meet for drinks, but make it short. You're
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: really just testing to see if there's chemistry between the
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: two of you and if you're interested in one another,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: because I promise you after that, your Olympic system takes over.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: You don't remember anything. You're not going to remember where
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: his kids live, you know what really he does for work,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: So all of those details go in one ear out
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: the other. So twenty to forty minutes. If that goes
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: well and you want to meet for a second date.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: The second date, my suggestion is to go on an
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: activity date. So stand a paddle board, go to a
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: farmer's market, if he was introduced by a friend, have
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: him help you move your couch, make up something. But
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: do an activity because you'll learn a lot about someone
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: to see them in the wild, to see how they
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: interact with other people, see if they're protective of you.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I like a man who walks between the curb and
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: me to protect me from traffic. I'd just like to
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: see those protective behaviors from someone in the wild. And
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: if that goes well, and make that short, make it
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: an hour, if you can hour and a half. If
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: that goes well, then your third date can be the
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: traditional meat at dinner date and let's see where this goes.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So that is my experience with dating, and I've kind
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: of tried it. I couldn't do it on The Bachelor,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: obviously there was a different path for that for finding compatibility.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: But in the wild, those are the three steps that
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I've found. Hope that helps. All right, what do we
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: have here? Oh? At fab fit Carla? This is my Carla.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: This is my Carla from the show. Do you think
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: passion feels different or even better beyond fifty five? Carla?
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: First of all, honeybunch, I love you. We just spent
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: some fabulous time in Vegas together and I just can't
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: wait to have more time with you. You are such
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: a special soul and I love this question. Do I
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: think passion feels different? I do think it feels different.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, as you gain experience in your life,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: the texture of life changes. It just fills in. So
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: imagine if you were in a coloring book and you
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: were coloring with crayons, and then you change to a pencil,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: and then the pencil you can now shade. So as
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I get older and as I have more experience, the
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: shades of passion, the shades of love get more diversified,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: and it's absolutely fantastic. So I think it gets better
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: as you get older. You have to keep the flames lit.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: So I think that sometimes as you get older, the
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: flame can completely go out and you have to be
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: cautious of that. But if you can keep the flame lit,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: start shading in. So yeah, I do think it's better.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I'll be I can't wait to call you and find
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: out what you think. What's your answer to this? I
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: love you, Carla? All right? Stephanie fifty three, I'm going
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: through menopause. Welcome system. I am single. Help. Does it
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: ever get better? The hot flashes and brain fog make
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: me feel like I'm trapped in my body. I get
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: to this is a normal phase. This is how the
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: body shifts into a different stage of life in order
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: to keep us alive. Our body can't run at the
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: same magnitude as it did when it's younger, we would
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: wear out sooner. So going through metapause means that we're
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: all going to live longer, so that's the benefit of it.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Get with a physician, have them help you over the humps,
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: because the brain fog and the hot flashes can be helped.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not a prescriber, I'm not your provider. I don't
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: know all your health issues. But find a physician to
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: help you. Help you through this phase because once you
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: get on the other side, it's fabulous. And remember, all
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: of this is for a purpose so that we can
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: live longer. So go through it and just get help.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: We've all been at. Now that I'm on the other side,
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: it's just so much better. Might happen pretty quick. I
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: went through hell for a shorter period of time and
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: just because I had help, So I have found that
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: getting through it sometimes. Hormone replacement therapy HRT is something
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: to investigate. You could find a provider in your local area.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Just google it, look for somebody who has high ratings
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: and talk to a couple of providers before you take action.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Make sure you're extremely honest about your health condition, because
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: if they don't know what your body, you know how
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: your body is set, then they can't help you. So
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: be super honest and upfront with them about your physical
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: capabilities and what you want on the other side. So
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I ended up doing hormone replacement and it has helped
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: me significantly. I don't have mine dialed up real high.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I have other friends who are, and they're libido is crazy.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: They're out missile seeking men. I think that causes some problems.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: So just be cautious and know yourself, know thyself, but
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: have a provider close by. Jackie fifty three Golden Bachelor.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Mel said after you exited from the show that you
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: said keep in touch. Oh, this is a hot one.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Set the record straight. Did you say that. If you
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: did say that, what was the intention. Okay, I'm going
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: to set the record straight. I did say let's keep
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: in touch. It was an awkward moment. I'm walking off
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: of the doc with a man that I thought in
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: another two days I would be engaged with, and he
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: is no longer my guy, and I'm having to say
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: goodbye to him, and I didn't want to hurt his
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: feelings and I said it, but it was in conjunction
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: with another sentence. I said, let's keep in touch. I'd
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: like to be a part of your book club. And
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: it's important because one part of my relationship with Mel
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: that wasn't really explored too much on the show was
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: our intellectual match and the books that Mel was reading
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I was actually interested in, and I believe that the
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: books that I read Mel would have been interested in.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: It would be completely inappropriate to have a social engagement
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: with Mel, but a book club and sharing book ideas
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I felt would be a safe thing. I didn't think
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: too much about the comment. Part of it was just
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: like a casual, oh my gosh, what do I say now,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: just trying to get out of there and be polite.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: So that's where my heart was. That's what the intent was,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: and that was the full sentence, is keep in touch.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: By the way, for those people who get upset with
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: me saying let's keep in touch, were you also upset
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: when Nicole said call me when it doesn't work out.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: So I wonder why this was a flashpoint for some
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: people out there, And it was a very innocent Let me, okay,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: let's go back to this. If I wanted to keep
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: in touch with Mel, why would I have walked off?
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have I would have stayed, wouldn't I. So
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: my intent is to we shared something very special. I
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: was just trying to make a gracious exit, and that
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: is what came out. I mean, what do you write
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: in the yearbook keep in touch and there's nothing to it.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I have not kept in touch. I wrote him a
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: m on his birthday, just said happy birthday. Guess what.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I say that to everybody else that I know and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I care about, and I did. I cared about mel,
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I cared about all the women on the show. I
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: care about a lot of people. So yeah, keep in
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: touch or don't. I mean, at some point, what do
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: you do? I just can't. I just can't anymore like
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: trying to twist my intentions, I just can't. All right Lydia,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: forty eight. I got divorced last year, and one of
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: the hardest parts has been that all my married couple
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: friends don't really invite me out like they did when
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I was married. Where should I go or which should
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I do? If I want to make new friends? It's
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: hard when you're older, Oh girl, Lydia. I live in
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: a neighborhood where I would say ninety plus percent of
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: my friends are married and I've been in this neighborhood
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: for twenty five thirty years, and I face this too.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I get it. It's no bad intent part of it.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Some of the people will be afraid that you're poaching
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: their relationship, so be cautious of that. Be cautious of
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: flirting with anybody who is married. We should be cautious
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: of that anyway. But I would let them know, like, hey,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I miss seeing you. I notice that you and I
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: get together, but when you're with your husband, you don't
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: want to invite me. I totally get it. But I'm
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: a really good third wheel. I'm even a better fifth wheel.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: So I found when we go out, I go out
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: with two sets of couples and I'm solo the five
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: of us, it's a better dynamic than when I'm just
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: the third wheel. When I'm the third wheel, I become
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: the topic of all the conversations. They just want to
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: ask me. By the way married couples love hearing about
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: our dating life. I will say that it becomes I'm
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the most popular girl at the table when we get
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: together and we start talking about dating because it's fascinating
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: to them. They just cannot relate to it, and they
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: find it so interesting, so don't let it stop. You
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: find single people who you can go out with and
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: have fun with and do things with as a partner,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: but don't hesitate to reach out to those close friends
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: that you have who are married and express kind of
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: how you're feeling that you're feeling left out. I have
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: a very good One of my favorite places in Austin
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: to eat is Jay Carver. Oh my gosh, John Carver,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I love you. Jesse is their bar manager and I
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: met her years ago and she knows my situation. I
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: moved to downtown Austin, I had three daughters, and I
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: would show up at the bar with my daughters, table
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: service at the bar, and I would show up at
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: the bar with usually one of my daughters who was
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: in town, and we would go to this great place
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: and red ash. And then she moved to Jake Harver's,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: so she knew me as single. She knew that I
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: struggled with being with somebody else, and so she made
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: a drink for me at her new restaurant and it's
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: called Extra Baggage. It's my favorite drink. I'm the only
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: one who ever ever orders it. And so they took
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: it off the menu, but they kept the bottles for
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: me to make. And it's such an homage to me
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: that they made this drink for me called extra Baggage
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: because that's how I was feeling. So I get it.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: They opened a new restaurant and they named another drink
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: after me. Guess what this one is? Called love and Lust.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Because I'm manifesting something different. I'm no longer extra baggage.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I am the highlight of the party when I go
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: out with my friends. And so now yourself back up.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Don't be the fifth wheel, the third wheel. Become enough
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: that you don't need a second person to add to
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: the group. We're not all couples. We're just a group
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: of individuals getting together. So maybe shift your mind point
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: to your mindset a little bit and be that person
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: at the party, at the gathering, all right? Helen sixty,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: I've been divorced nine years and finally spending a lot
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: of time dating now that my kids are adults and
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: moved out. I've been dating a man for six months,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: but my kids have not really warmed up to him.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I really enjoy being with him, but if my kids
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: aren't fans, doesn't mean I need to break up. With him. Ooh,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: this is a complicated one, Helen. So first of all,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: you got to dive into why your kids don't like him.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So my kids have gone through an evolution. And I
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: hope it's okay that I talk about this kiddos, but
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's really important. My kids, when I first
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: divorced and when I first started dating, were exceptionally protective
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: of me. Nobody was going to be good enough. They
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: did not want to see mom hurt. They saw me
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: go through the divorce where I was really hurt, curled
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: up in a ball, hurt, and so they did not
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: want to see mom go back to that. So they
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: were overprotective. So what you might be seeing is, Helen,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you might just be seeing that your kids are not
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: warmed up to him because are being overprotective of you.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: So the option, since it sounds like you haven't been dating,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: is to continue to slow contact with them, have him around,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: have the kids get to know him, see how he
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: treats you, and have them build confidence that he is
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: a good support for you. But first and foremost, it
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: starts with is he somebody that you want to see around?
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: I think there's ways to kind of integrate that I
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: had a stepdad who came into my life and I
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: was not a fan of his. Really had nothing to
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: do with him, had everything to do with my wanting
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: to be protective of my mom. And fast forward to
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: years later, he walks me down the aisle at my wedding.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: He becomes grandpa to my kids, and he is my everything.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: So that's what I'm looking for. I hope you find
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: that too. Picking the right person is the start, and
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: if he is the right person for you and your
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: kids love you, they will soften to him. I will
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: say that my kids had They had a similar reaction
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: while they met Mel at hometowns. It wasn't that they
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: didn't like him. They just didn't think he was aligned
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: with me, and it would have been a challenge for
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: me to integrate him into my life. But I also
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: knew that there were a lot of things about Mel
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: they did not know. Probably the same for your kids.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: They may not know everything about this man that you know,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: so just start shedding the light on it. Go slow,
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: be patient with them too. Paul fifty nine, Ooh got
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: a guy, Cindy. You were so elegant on the show.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Paul. I really like how you carried yourself.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: What have you learned about yourself this experience? Oooh, this
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: is a good question, Paul. I learned that I was
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: dating avoidant men who avoided relationships, and I would date
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: men who were slightly more avoidant than me. And going
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: through the show was the first time that I recognized
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: that I too was avoiding letting someone get close to me.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: And during the show, I really let down that guard
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: and I really had a chance to I didn't have
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: my kids around. I usually put my kids or my
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: job between me and a guy, and I didn't have
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: that crutch so to be super open and walk into this,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: So I yeah, it was something that I learned about myself,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: and I was kind of surprised. I've done a lot
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: of work, a lot of therapy, a lot of self reflection,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: a lot of journaling, a lot of talking to friends
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and family, and I did not realize I knew I
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: dated avoidant men. I did not realize how avoidant I was.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: Truth Jade, forty seven. I was cheated on in my marriage.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: It's really taken a toll on my confidence and how
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I feel about myself. I'm starting to feel like I'm
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: ready to date again. But I'm scared I'm going to
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: get lied to again. What are the subtle red flags
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't ignore when dating? Oh, Jade, I'm so sorry.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: The first thing I want you to know is this
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: happened to you. This wasn't you typically cheating. As I
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: have learned, it is less about the person like in
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: your situation, that was cheated on and more about the cheater.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: And sorry for all of those who cheated, I hope.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know if this brings true. I'm sure I
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: might get some hate for this, but I believe that
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: cheating usually happens because of some insecurity and unfortunately it
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: comes with a cost, and there are people left in
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: the wake, and Jade, you were one of those, and
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: I'm very sorry. So if you're afraid of being lied
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: to and you're looking for red flags that you shouldn't ignore,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I would ask the question what happened to your previous relationships?
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Were you cheated on? Did you cheat? And there's a
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: saying once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't wholeheartedly agree
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: with that, but it is something that has been around
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: for decades, so it's something we can't ignore. If people
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: have cheated before, there has to be some type of
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: reckoning in their lives that they have come to Jesus
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: and said, this is a big change. I'm not going
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: to be the same person if they haven't had that.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I would be cautious of people who have cheated or
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: have a history of lying and deceit because you know
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: that just those are character situations that don't necessarily go away.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: But first, I'm very sorry, and you need to you
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: say in your question that it's taken a toll on
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: your confidence. Dial that back up, girl. There's a reason
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: that somebody else fell in love with you even if
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: he cheated. Dial that back up. You are still that
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: same woman. Go be better. And it doesn't mean that
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: you won't be lied to and cheated on again, but
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: just go be better. Thank you for all of your
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: listener questions. Are you in the chapter two and need
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: some advice? Call or email us. All the info in
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: the show is in the show notes. Follow us on socials.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Make sure you rate and review the podcasts super important
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: so that we know you're listening. Let us hear from you.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: love is the main objective