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Do Boundaries Create Wealth? Why Your Financial Power Starts with Saying No · Rock My Finances

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances show on k FORHD
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Speaker 3: control and compience with your money, your way. It's not
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Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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Speaker 3: find out now. Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, welcome back to Rock my finances. Here we
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Speaker 1: go today is going to be really, really, really good.
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Speaker 1: I know the B word gets bounced around quite a bit. Boundaries,
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Speaker 1: especially with us amazing codependent women such as myself, Boundaries
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Speaker 1: is one of the very first things that we ever learned.
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Speaker 1: So our title today is do boundaries create wealth? Why?
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Speaker 1: Your financial power starts with by saying no? Okay, So
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Speaker 1: what if I told you your ability to build wealth
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Speaker 1: has less to do with numbers and more to do
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Speaker 1: about your boundaries. You might be thinking right now, well, yeah,
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Speaker 1: maybe because if I said no more often, I'd have
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Speaker 1: more money or something.
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Speaker 2: I don't know.
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Speaker 1: Let's check this out. So it's not about your income
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Speaker 1: how much you're making. It's not about the stock market
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Speaker 1: and the market going up and down things that you
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Speaker 1: cannot control. It's not about the strategy of your mutual
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Speaker 1: fund or your ETF or your your whatever, your actual
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Speaker 1: stock or your bond or any of that. It's actually
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Speaker 1: about the boundaries that you can set. You might not
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Speaker 1: agree with me, so bomb bomb bombs to hang in
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Speaker 1: here with me, and let's walk through this whole thing.
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Speaker 1: Every time that we don't set a boundary, we're giving
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Speaker 1: something away. So let's picture a boundary as a fence.
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Speaker 1: If we are just open, open, open to everything and
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Speaker 1: everyone all the time, we are giving our energy away,
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Speaker 1: our lover way, ourselves away, and we're not stopping the
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Speaker 1: flow to make sure that we are tending to ourselves first.
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Speaker 1: And I want us all to love ourselves first before
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Speaker 1: we can attract all the money that we all deserve.
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Speaker 1: So a lot of times it has a lot to
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Speaker 1: do with our money because we're giving our money away.
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Speaker 1: I'm still learning this lesson right now. One of my friends,
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Speaker 1: Peter Lenn actually just talk to me about this because
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Speaker 1: I was talking about certain things about what's going on.
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Speaker 1: It's like, okay, where can we say no and still
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Speaker 1: feel really good? So what do boundaries have to do
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Speaker 1: with money? Boundaries are not just about relationships? Have we
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Speaker 1: all heard that set boundaries? Don't let people walk all
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Speaker 1: over you. Make sure your voice, you speak up your voice.
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Speaker 1: And I have a friend that's dating right now and
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Speaker 1: she is, you know, getting to know some men or
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Speaker 1: want right now. And so what am I to do?
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Speaker 1: My have to is what are my red flags or
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Speaker 1: what am my absolutely will not? What are my boundaries?
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Speaker 1: What will I accept and what will I not accept?
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Speaker 1: Will I accept someone being consistently late when they say
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Speaker 1: they're going to either pick me up or meet me somewhere?
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Speaker 1: Will I accept someone not pulling the chair out for
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Speaker 1: me or not opening the door for me? Or will
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Speaker 1: I accept someone that wants to split the check fifty
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Speaker 1: to fifty? Will I expect someone to not have a
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Speaker 1: future date planned and just expect me to be available? Like,
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Speaker 1: there's so many boundaries that we can set in relationships. Right,
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Speaker 1: always say right. We've heard from Maya Angelou treat others
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Speaker 1: on how to treat us, So we do have to
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Speaker 1: set boundaries in relationships. And I think that's when most
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Speaker 1: people talk about boundaries is in relationships. So we're gonna
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Speaker 1: shift that. Pick off your relationship hat and put on
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Speaker 1: your money hat, all right, My money hat is on
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Speaker 1: how do we spend our money? How do you spend
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Speaker 1: your money? How do you give your money? Do you
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Speaker 1: feel like you're in control over how you spend it,
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Speaker 1: where you spend it, when you spend it, and how
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Speaker 1: much you spend it. Are you in control when and
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Speaker 1: how you give your money away? Are you in control
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Speaker 1: over the decisions of making making decisions around your money?
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Speaker 1: Do you control that do you speak up? So I
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Speaker 1: had another friend, not going to say her name because
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Speaker 1: I have a couple of private friends, but I have
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Speaker 1: another friend that her family and friends like planned a
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Speaker 1: couple events for them and just assumed they go along
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Speaker 1: with it. Well, of course, there was money involved in
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Speaker 1: these events, and my friend did not give her okay yet,
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Speaker 1: but they kind of put her on the docket because
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Speaker 1: of course she's amazing and fun and she would probably
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Speaker 1: go anyways, but they never asked her and they just
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Speaker 1: kind of assumed that she would do it.
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Speaker 2: So what do you have to do?
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Speaker 1: We got to speak up, right, We have to speak
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Speaker 1: up and say wait a minute, I need to say
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Speaker 1: okay first on that, or you know that that wasn't
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Speaker 1: in my spending plan for that month, so I need
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Speaker 1: to adjust something. So just don't assume that I'm good
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Speaker 1: with things. Please when it comes to money, please make
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Speaker 1: sure that you talk to me first. So I'm in
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Speaker 1: a community here that it's huge and there's lots of
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Speaker 1: people going lots of places, doing lots of things. And
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Speaker 1: I'm pretty active, but i still work, and I still
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Speaker 1: work and I love it. So I'm not as active
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Speaker 1: as maybe someone who's been retired for five or ten years,
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Speaker 1: and when they assume that I'm going to do some things,
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Speaker 1: it's it's usually around time, not necessarily around money, but
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Speaker 1: they don't know if I have the time to do it,
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Speaker 1: which is great. So I get to use my voice
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Speaker 1: and and there's a lot of things that I'm telling you.
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Speaker 1: There are so many things that happen. So it's like
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Speaker 1: I get to choose where I'm going to put my
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Speaker 1: money and where I'm going to spend my time.
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Speaker 2: So time and money are very important to me.
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Speaker 3: Right.
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Speaker 1: So a boundary is where you end and someone else begins.
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Speaker 1: So a boundary is going to say, Okay, this is
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Speaker 1: how much I'm going to do, and then either you
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Speaker 1: can do the rest or I'm not going to participate.
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Speaker 1: So we have to say, yes, I'm willing to do this,
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Speaker 1: but I'm not willing to do that. My daughter's getting married.
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Speaker 1: She's been to like nine or fifteen weddings, aren't even
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Speaker 1: how long over the last couple of years, like a
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Speaker 1: ton of weddings, and her and her fiance too, right,
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Speaker 1: So that's a lot of cash flow and time spent
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Speaker 1: in these amazing events of their friends that they adore,
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Speaker 1: and they also have to set boundaries on can I
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Speaker 1: do all of this? And of course do I want
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Speaker 1: to do all this? Of course, but I still have
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Speaker 1: to work and hold down my job and you know,
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Speaker 1: our wedding planning and all of that. So sometimes we
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Speaker 1: have to say, no, I can go this far, but
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Speaker 1: I can do one day or maybe two days. I
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Speaker 1: can't do the full weekend, or I'm so sorry, I
7:13
Speaker 1: can't make that trip because now we we live in
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Speaker 1: North Carolina and so most of our people are in California.
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Speaker 1: That's a big flight now, so that's an extra day
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Speaker 1: of travel, more funds, extra two days because you have
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Speaker 1: to come home too, right, So there's a lot of
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Speaker 1: boundaries that we have to set that definitely fall into
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Speaker 1: money and time. So when that line is unclear of
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Speaker 1: where I'm going and where you start, that can becomes
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Speaker 1: money can become unclear as well. Just like my friend
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Speaker 1: and it's like okay, like me as well. So I'm
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Speaker 1: doing like we're doing a pickleball weekend with a girls'
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Speaker 1: weekend and absolutely, you know, can't wait to go, just
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Speaker 1: signed up.
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Speaker 2: Here we go.
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Speaker 1: Well, I never asked about money. I still don't know
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Speaker 1: about the money, And here I am, and I do
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Speaker 1: need to budget for that, right, but God put that
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Speaker 1: in my spending plan, so I need to know about
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Speaker 1: the funds as well.
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Speaker 2: A lot of people we just get excited. I can't wait.
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Speaker 1: We've got I don't even know twelve girls or something going.
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Speaker 1: It's gonna be totally fun. I never't even know how
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Speaker 1: much it's gonna cost. I've never even asked, So I
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Speaker 1: need to look at that. I need to say, Okay,
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Speaker 1: how much do I put in and how much does
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Speaker 1: everybody else put in? And the amount that I put in,
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Speaker 1: what does that cover? I'm assuming we're still gonna need
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Speaker 1: to go grocery shopping for food and alcohol and lunches
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Speaker 1: and dinners and okay, we're all good, We're gonna go out. Okay, great,
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Speaker 1: what is that going to entail? So sometimes it's about
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Speaker 1: asking the question so that you can set the boundary
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Speaker 1: and no hesitation on I'll get back to you tomorrow. Right,
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Speaker 1: And as Oprah's tadus, no is a complete answer. Nope, sorry,
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Speaker 1: that doesn't work for me. So if we can't do that,
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Speaker 1: sometimes one of the issues is it's it's not just
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Speaker 1: necessarily about discipline, about discipline in ourselves like I'm not
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Speaker 1: gonna eat the chocolate cake. I'm not gonna say yes
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Speaker 1: to all the pickaball camps that I can go to,
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Speaker 1: even though I would love to. It's not necessarily about discipline,
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Speaker 1: it's about patterns. So when someone asks you to do something,
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Speaker 1: is your pattern to just jump right in and say yes?
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Speaker 1: Which is my pattern? I always want to say yes.
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Speaker 1: Like we get asked to play pickaball all the time.
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Speaker 1: My pattern is to say yes and figure out how
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Speaker 1: to make it happen. So that is a pattern for me, right,
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Speaker 1: So where did that pattern start? Most patterns start in childhood. Yes,
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Speaker 1: I don't want to rock the boat. I want to
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Speaker 1: make sure that everybody's happy. So, like I just did this.
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Speaker 1: They text me and said, we have three we need
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Speaker 1: one more person.
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Speaker 2: Can you do it?
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Speaker 1: And I said, only if you can't find anyone else.
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Speaker 1: Now I should have said no, I'm so sorry. That
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Speaker 1: doesn't work for me because I would have had to
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Speaker 1: rearrange something else. And of course my pattern is don't
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Speaker 1: rock the boat. So, and I love pickaball, so I
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Speaker 1: always want to play and I love to be invited,
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Speaker 1: so when I'm invited, I always try to say yes
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Speaker 1: to the group so that they'll continue to invite me.
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Speaker 1: Especially with my work schedule. I want to be able
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Speaker 1: to be there as much as I can. But that
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Speaker 1: is my childhood pattern, right. I want to be included.
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Speaker 1: I want to be not rocking the boat. I don't
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Speaker 1: want to be the iffy, flaky person. I want someone.
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Speaker 1: I want to be the person that they can count on.
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Speaker 1: All of those are patterns that aren't necessary. They would
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Speaker 1: have had no problem for me to say sorry, I
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Speaker 1: can't make it, Please ask me next time, easy peasy, right,
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Speaker 1: So I have to look at that. And they did
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Speaker 1: find someone else, thank god, So that was good, and
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Speaker 1: I did say thank you because it would have been
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Speaker 1: hard for me.
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Speaker 2: So I have to look back at that pattern.
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Speaker 1: This is all the work that I've been doing this week,
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Speaker 1: and that's why I do these for the podcast, because
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Speaker 1: if I'm doing this inner work, I'm sure one of
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Speaker 1: you out there is doing this inner work as well.
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Speaker 1: So we have to look at these patterns and our
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Speaker 1: childhood connection with these patterns.
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Speaker 2: How did I grow up?
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Speaker 1: Were we trying to keep the peace, avoiding conflict, wanting
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Speaker 1: approval any of you nice ladies out there, nice girls
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Speaker 1: out there that just want everyone to approval. I still
10:54
Speaker 1: have a friend right now that really does get value
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Speaker 1: from somebody else's value of her. She doesn't have her
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Speaker 1: self knowing one confident, yet she still needs accolades from
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Speaker 1: the outside telling her how amazing she is. Not all
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Speaker 1: the time, but sometimes so are you still wanting approval?
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Speaker 1: If we still want approval and we're trying to avoid
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Speaker 1: conflict and we're feeling guilty around other people's emotions, our
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Speaker 1: boundaries are going to be very waffling. They're going to
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Speaker 1: be strict and loose like a jump rope. They're going
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Speaker 1: to be like a just a total mushmesh. And that
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Speaker 1: is not teaching people how to treat us and how
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Speaker 1: we deserve to be treated at all. So we have,
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Speaker 1: like of likely have learned it's safer just to go along,
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Speaker 1: to get along, and it's safer not to speak up
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Speaker 1: and share who I am because we don't know the
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Speaker 1: outcome in somebody else's feelings. That doesn't just disappear the
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Speaker 1: older we get. It shows up in our financial life, y'all.
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Speaker 1: It shows up in our money. Those statements of avoiding conflict,
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Speaker 1: wanting to approval, and feeling responsible for other people's emotions,
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Speaker 1: I promise you is showing you up, showing up in
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Speaker 1: your abundance, in your wealth or lack of or lack
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Speaker 1: of abundance. So the way you've learned to survive emotionally
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Speaker 1: becomes how you operate yourself financially. I'm going to say
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Speaker 1: that one more time. The way you have learned to
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Speaker 1: survive emotionally in childhood becomes how you operate emotionally in
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Speaker 1: your financial world. So sorry, y'all. Yes, our children are
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Speaker 1: absolutely running our financial world and you can see it
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Speaker 1: if you look around yourself, look around what's happening in
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Speaker 1: your financial world right now. It will definitely mirror your childhood,
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Speaker 1: and it will be less than on the emotional work
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Speaker 1: that you're working on or that you've already done. I
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Speaker 1: have been recovering codependent for thirty five years, a long time,
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Speaker 1: and so I've done a lot of work around that.
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Speaker 1: But as you can see, I still want to play
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Speaker 1: pick a ball.
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Speaker 3: Right.
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Speaker 1: It's still there, So we still have to look at
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Speaker 1: it every so often. It's going to bounce back and
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Speaker 1: hit us. So how did the lack of boundaries show
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Speaker 1: up in our money? Here's one easy way saying yes.
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Speaker 2: When you mean no.
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Speaker 1: So anytime somebody asks you to do something, yes, I'm
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Speaker 1: gonna do that, when really I really want to say,
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Speaker 1: either I'm not sure, I need to check my spending
13:24
Speaker 1: plan and my forecast for the next month or two,
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Speaker 1: or I really just can't do that. That's just not
13:31
Speaker 1: in my I hate the word budget because that's restricting.
13:34
Speaker 1: I like the word spending plan. So it's not in
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Speaker 1: my proposal. It's just really not in my forecast. It's
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Speaker 1: not what I'm planning. It's not in my plan right now.
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Speaker 1: Another reason giving money a way that you cannot afford
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Speaker 1: to give.
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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so.
13:47
Speaker 1: Guilty of this. I'm doing it right now, which is
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Speaker 1: why I needed the Functue. I just did an episode
13:51
Speaker 1: on Functue. Check that out with Kelly Jones. She's amazing
13:55
Speaker 1: because I want to see about my house because I
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Speaker 1: am doing that right now and I know that, and
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Speaker 1: we say, yes, I'm giving money away. Can we can?
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Speaker 1: Is that in your plan? I can afford it? I
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Speaker 1: can't afford it, So I don't like that word can't
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Speaker 1: afford it. But it's not in my plan. I'm giving
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Speaker 1: more money away than I had planned for, and so
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Speaker 1: that is not being true to myself first, which means
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Speaker 1: I'm walking all over myself. So if we set a
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Speaker 1: diet or a calorie plan, or a ten thousand steps
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Speaker 1: a day or an exercise planner, we're so easy to
14:28
Speaker 1: tell ourselves that we're not important enough to stick to
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Speaker 1: that plan.
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Speaker 2: And that's what we do. We're literally telling.
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Speaker 1: Ourselves that we don't respect ourselves, and we don't when
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Speaker 1: we don't give ourselves that benefit. And that's what I'm
14:38
Speaker 1: doing right now by just doing this. So I'm relooking
14:42
Speaker 1: at all that. So I want you to too as
14:45
Speaker 1: well with me. So when we avoid hord conversations, I
14:49
Speaker 1: call them conscious conversations. We have to be conscious in
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Speaker 1: the conversation and we have to be aware and be
14:55
Speaker 1: able to speak up our true selves, our authentic voice,
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Speaker 1: and letting the outcome be the out So when we're
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Speaker 1: doing that, we might not be being true to our
15:04
Speaker 1: money when we are avoiding the hard conversation. So, like
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Speaker 1: my friend, she needed to have the conversation with her
15:09
Speaker 1: friends and her family that said yes for her and
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Speaker 1: obligated her to these money situations. She had to say
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Speaker 1: something to them, love that and please don't don't expect
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Speaker 1: me to go along with something without getting my clarity
15:26
Speaker 1: on the okay to move forward with anything that has
15:29
Speaker 1: to do with financially with me because I have a
15:32
Speaker 1: plan and I want to stick with my plan. So
15:36
Speaker 1: we have to have those hard conversations, which means we
15:39
Speaker 1: have to break the pattern of being emotionally tied to
15:43
Speaker 1: the outcome. We have to say our peace and speak
15:46
Speaker 1: our voice without being invested in the outcome.
15:50
Speaker 2: It is what it is.
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Speaker 1: It lands, how it lands, people feel, how they feel.
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Speaker 1: I cannot be responsible for your feeling around how you're
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Speaker 1: going to accept my boundary. That's not what that's about.
16:04
Speaker 1: And as long as we do it with clarity and
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Speaker 1: love and not coming out of fear, we're coming out
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Speaker 1: of love. They're going to accept your boundary if that's
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Speaker 1: the type of person they are. And maybe we don't
16:14
Speaker 1: want people in our lives that cannot accept our boundaries
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Speaker 1: for us, because that's just us being us and we're
16:20
Speaker 1: being true to ourselves. So maybe we need to ask
16:23
Speaker 1: more questions. Maybe we need to stay a little bit
16:27
Speaker 1: more quiet when something feels off, when something feels like
16:31
Speaker 1: it's not connecting, and maybe we need to not make
16:34
Speaker 1: that decision. If you are not a one hundred percent
16:36
Speaker 1: hell yes, intuitively trusting your gut, mind, body, soul. It
16:42
Speaker 1: fits in your plan, it fits in your calendar. Everything's good,
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Speaker 1: it's a yes. And if it's not, take a minute,
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Speaker 1: take a breath, step back, let's reevaluate this. It doesn't
16:54
Speaker 1: feel like you're giving money away, but you're giving your
16:57
Speaker 1: power away, and then the money follows the power when
17:01
Speaker 1: we are not being true to ourselves, So we want
17:03
Speaker 1: to make sure that we're being true to ourselves. Here's
17:06
Speaker 1: subtle ways that women usually give themselves away whatever you
17:10
Speaker 1: think is best. Have you ever said that, especially to
17:12
Speaker 1: a spouse or some friends. I don't want to make
17:15
Speaker 1: a big deal out of it. Yes, I'm sure we've
17:18
Speaker 1: all said that.
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Speaker 2: It's fine. I'll figure it out. I bet you.
17:21
Speaker 1: My friend said that to her friends and family. I
17:23
Speaker 1: can hear saying it now. I'll just cover it.
17:26
Speaker 2: That's me. That's my line.
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Speaker 1: If we're sitting at a bunch of table and it's
17:30
Speaker 1: just awkward or whatever, I'll just pay for it and
17:32
Speaker 1: just say, well, I'll just cover it. Like it's just easier,
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Speaker 1: especially being a single woman, when you're sitting with a
17:38
Speaker 1: mixed group who's going to pay for what? And you
17:40
Speaker 1: have men and women and husbands and wives, and you
17:43
Speaker 1: know I'm usually the single one, and so it's odd
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Speaker 1: for me. So I'll just the easiest thing for me
17:50
Speaker 1: to do is just pay for it and cover it,
17:51
Speaker 1: so I don't have to feel that awkward feeling when
17:53
Speaker 1: I should say happy to cover my part. Here's my
17:56
Speaker 1: credit card for my part, right orright happy to chip in.
18:00
Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that we can say. Whatever
18:01
Speaker 1: you think is best is not okay. We have to
18:04
Speaker 1: be able to say, well, I feel like this might
18:07
Speaker 1: be equal. How does that feel to you. I don't
18:10
Speaker 1: want to make a big deal out of it. I
18:11
Speaker 1: know this isn't a big deal. However, this is how
18:14
Speaker 1: I'm feeling. It's fine, I'll figure it out.
18:16
Speaker 2: No, actually, let's talk about it real quick. This is
18:19
Speaker 2: how I'm feeling. Right. There's a lot of different things.
18:22
Speaker 1: Every time we override ourselves, we disconnect from our financial clarity.
18:26
Speaker 1: And I promise you that blocks wealth. Wealth requires clear decisions, consistency, ownership,
18:33
Speaker 1: long term thinking. Wealth requires us to be clear, confident,
18:38
Speaker 1: and in control of our money. And when that happens,
18:41
Speaker 1: more wealth comes and abundance comes. We do not want
18:45
Speaker 1: to get emotional. We don't want to have emotional spending, overgiving, avoidance,
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Speaker 1: lack of clarity. We cannot build wealth while we are
18:53
Speaker 1: abandoning our true selves and our true plan that we
18:57
Speaker 1: set out for ourselves. So here's the matter. It's about
19:01
Speaker 1: becoming someone who can hold our ground. We want to
19:05
Speaker 1: shift from approval to alignment. We want to feel that alignment.
19:10
Speaker 1: We want to feel that peace keeping truth intention inside
19:14
Speaker 1: of us before we give our money away. Boundaries are
19:17
Speaker 1: not about pushing people away, but they're actually holding ourselves
19:21
Speaker 1: in place. Pause before you agree, Listen to your body,
19:26
Speaker 1: use your voice, Start small, refine, redefine nice. What does
19:32
Speaker 1: real nice really mean to you? Every time you choose yourself,
19:36
Speaker 1: you strengthen your financial foundation. Boy do I love that?
19:41
Speaker 1: And we become way more confident. So ask yourself, where
19:44
Speaker 1: am I saying yes but feeling no? Where am I
19:47
Speaker 1: avoiding a money conversation? This is where your wealth is
19:50
Speaker 1: leaking out. Wealth is not built on the strategy alone.
19:55
Speaker 1: It's built on your self, trust, your clarity, and your boundary.
20:00
Speaker 1: Through your boundaries, it builds your clarity, and it's one
20:04
Speaker 1: step at a time because the moment you stop giving
20:07
Speaker 1: yourself away, you start building something absolutely solid, clarity, control
20:12
Speaker 1: and confidence. That's your diamond life. That's you being a
20:15
Speaker 1: star in your life. So I hope this is all
20:17
Speaker 1: helpful for you. Set your boundaries, have those unconscious conversations,
20:21
Speaker 1: be true to yourself, and I want you all to
20:24
Speaker 1: be able to say I rock my finances.
20:27
Speaker 3: We appreciate you joining us today and don't forget to
20:30
Speaker 3: subscribe to to rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
20:34
Speaker 3: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
20:38
Speaker 3: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K FOURHD
20:42
Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
20:45
Speaker 3: It's about the F word, feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
20:49
Speaker 3: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
20:53
Speaker 3: say I rock my finances.