Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #430 Making Mornings Magic

Transcript

#430 Making Mornings Magic · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, I guess a tip for moms in particular is
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  Speaker 2: not necessarily believing your.
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  Speaker 3: Children when they say they know exactly where it all lives.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, we've actually learned that there's two very important words
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  Speaker 4: to say right then, and that is show me.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 5: Could I everyone?
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  Speaker 4: This is doctor Justin Courson here with Kylie, my wife
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  Speaker 4: from Under our six kids. I'm the author of six
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  Speaker 4: and we're growing a new one. They're almost seven books.
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  Speaker 4: I'm almost halfway through my I thought.
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  Speaker 3: We were growing a new baby.
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  Speaker 2: Getting scared for a second there, the way I said that,
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  Speaker 2: it could have been a little bit confusing.
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  Speaker 5: I appreciate you making.
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  Speaker 3: Me well six and six okay, horrify.
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  Speaker 4: So we're the parents have six kids, and I'm the
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  Speaker 4: author of six books, and I'm growing a new book.
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  Speaker 2: Normally you don't grow a book. Normally you write. Your
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  Speaker 2: wording was scaring me.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, while I was trying to be funny, and I
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  Speaker 4: realized that maybe I was a little too. I mean,
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  Speaker 4: you're not You're not you're not okay, great, well, we're
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  Speaker 4: not growing anything other than a new book and.
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  Speaker 5: Daily podcasts Kylie.
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  Speaker 4: Today, I thought, with school going back, we should probably
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  Speaker 4: have a conversation about something that that a lot of
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  Speaker 4: parents start to worry about when it's time to get
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  Speaker 4: the routine going.
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  Speaker 2: After a long break, especially over the Christmas break, there's
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  Speaker 2: been no routine. Everybody slept in till when they want
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  Speaker 2: to sleep in, and there's really no bedtime going big kids.
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  Speaker 5: Right, if you've got little kids, they're still up track
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  Speaker 5: of dawn.
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  Speaker 4: But our kids now that they're starting to get bigger,
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  Speaker 4: they're like, they're gont to get out of bed till
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  Speaker 4: nine o'clock, ten o'clock.
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  Speaker 5: It's like there's a life to live out here. Kids
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  Speaker 5: come on.
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  Speaker 2: But over the years, the biggest challenge we have after
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  Speaker 2: you've had that break is getting back into the school routine,
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  Speaker 2: getting those mornings working so that everything else runs smoothly.
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  Speaker 4: And we've found our children have gotten older mornings kind
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  Speaker 4: of take care of themselves. The kids know what time
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  Speaker 4: they've got to get up. We might give them a
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  Speaker 4: little bit of a shaker, bit of a reminder, but
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  Speaker 4: they know how to get themselves going from about the
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  Speaker 4: age of I would say ten or eleven, they're making
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  Speaker 4: their own lunches, they're making their own breakfasts, they're getting dressed,
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  Speaker 4: they're doing all the basic stuff they need to do
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  Speaker 4: in the morning.
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  Speaker 5: But prior to the age of ten, it's kind of
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  Speaker 5: hard work.
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  Speaker 2: Well, it's very hands on for parents. And I'm saying
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  Speaker 2: parents as in, if both of you can be in
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  Speaker 2: homd that makes it easier for eaven It does make
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  Speaker 2: it easier, but it's still full on, especially the more
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  Speaker 2: children you have in that younger age bracket.
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  Speaker 5: Yep.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, So we over the years have worked very, very
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  Speaker 4: hard with our younger kids so that by the time
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  Speaker 4: they're ten, we don't have to work very hard with
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  Speaker 4: them at all. We really believe in the idea of
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  Speaker 4: pre arming your kids or developing them so that they
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  Speaker 4: can figure things out for themselves as they get older.
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  Speaker 4: And we've come up with a formula for parents of
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  Speaker 4: kids at any age, but particularly in the under ten
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  Speaker 4: age range, to make your morning magic.
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  Speaker 3: So let's talk about it.
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  Speaker 4: So for those who are not familiar with what's in
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  Speaker 4: twenty one days to a happy family in the bucket metaphor, basically,
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  Speaker 4: your relationship is a bucket, and our job is to
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  Speaker 4: fill our children's buckets with connection, And metaphorically, that's the
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  Speaker 4: water that goes into a bucket. Like you don't want
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  Speaker 4: a bucket full of air, you want a bucket full
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  Speaker 4: of water. That's what buckets are for for carrying water.
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  Speaker 4: So the water is represented by connection and the air, well,
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  Speaker 4: that's correction and direction. And so the question pretty much
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  Speaker 4: is this morning, how much time do you spend connecting
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  Speaker 4: and correcting versus connecting?
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  Speaker 5: And I think as we sort of.
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  Speaker 4: You know, we'll talk about the morning routines and stuff
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  Speaker 4: in a sec I think that if we can get
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  Speaker 4: good quality connection into our mornings, which is, let's face it,
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  Speaker 4: missing from most people's mornings most of the time because
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  Speaker 4: there's so much to do and so little time to
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  Speaker 4: get it done, we spend all of our mornings correcting
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  Speaker 4: and directing.
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  Speaker 5: And we wonder why our relationships allows you in the mornings.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we find our children kind of you know, get
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  Speaker 2: sidetracked along the way, don't then they start really well,
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  Speaker 2: but they get a bit side tracked. Do we constantly
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  Speaker 2: having to redirect them back to what they need to do.
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  Speaker 4: So that's where that metaphor comes from and I reckon
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  Speaker 4: that if we keep that in mind as we talk
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  Speaker 4: about what we're going to talk about today in terms
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  Speaker 4: of making our mornings magical, that is probably going to
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  Speaker 4: be one of the most important things that we can do.
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  Speaker 2: When you think about all of the things that you're
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  Speaker 2: doing in the morning, you're thinking about everything that needs
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  Speaker 2: to be done and the need to hurry because this
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  Speaker 2: you know, you've got to get them out the door
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  Speaker 2: and get them to school, and then you've either got
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  Speaker 2: to go off to work or come home and you know,
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  Speaker 2: do all of the enormous list of ongoing chores that
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  Speaker 2: just never seem to you, never seem to be able
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  Speaker 2: to get through.
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  Speaker 5: See how I let you just cut me off and
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  Speaker 5: keep going.
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  Speaker 2: You did?
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  Speaker 5: I'm deferring. See if you like that? All right, So
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  Speaker 5: let's talk about how to make our morning's magic.
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  Speaker 1: Next, it's the Happy Families Podcast.
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  Speaker 2: For a happier family, try a Happy Families membership, because
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  Speaker 2: a happy family doesn't just happen.
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  Speaker 5: Details at happy families dot com dot au.
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  Speaker 4: It's the Happy Family's Podcast. I'm doctor Justin Colson here
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  Speaker 4: with missus Happy Families. Kylie Colson, my wife and mum
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  Speaker 4: to our sick kids, and we're talking about how to
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  Speaker 4: make mornings magic.
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  Speaker 5: And I think it's.
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  Speaker 4: Fair to say that we've had our fair share of
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  Speaker 4: pretty average mornings, which is why we're pretty passionate about
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  Speaker 4: getting mornings right. What do you reckon are the integral
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  Speaker 4: essentials of making mornings magic?
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  Speaker 2: Well, you talk specifically about four different things that we
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  Speaker 2: can do in helping to create those magic moments each
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  Speaker 2: morning with our kids. So the first one was really
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  Speaker 2: recognizing and understanding that our morning actually starts the night before.
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  Speaker 3: Do you want to unpack that for us a little bit?
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  Speaker 5: Yees?
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  Speaker 4: So we know that if we can get everything organized
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  Speaker 4: the night before, the next day just runs so much
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  Speaker 4: more smoothly.
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  Speaker 5: So that means when you go.
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  Speaker 4: To bed, the kitchen's actually tidy and the house is
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  Speaker 4: in reasonable shape. But more than that, it's specifically the
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  Speaker 4: morning stuff like do you know where the kid's shoes are.
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  Speaker 3: Or a school bag or their lunchbox.
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  Speaker 4: They're reading their library books, so it's making sure that
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  Speaker 4: the bag is pretty well packed, the uniform is laid out,
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  Speaker 4: the shoes and the socks and the sports uniform, everything
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  Speaker 4: that they need is ready to go. If you remember
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  Speaker 4: to do that the night before. It just means that
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  Speaker 4: you don't have that pressure of you, what do you
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  Speaker 4: mean you can't find your shoes You were wearing them
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  Speaker 4: yesterday in the car on the way home, Like, you
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  Speaker 4: don't have to deal with that stuff.
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  Speaker 2: And I guess a tip for mums in particular or
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  Speaker 2: dad's but that for me is not necessarily believing your
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: children when they say they know exactly where it all is.
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, we've actually.
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  Speaker 4: Learned that there's two very important words to say right then,
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  Speaker 4: and that is show me.
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  Speaker 5: I want to see them.
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  Speaker 3: So definitely has had such.
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  Speaker 2: A significant impact on making our mornings move forward in
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  Speaker 2: positive ways when we have done that preparation the night before.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, now, if you want to go over the top,
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  Speaker 4: we've done this. We haven't done it for a while,
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  Speaker 4: but we both know that it works supremely well.
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  Speaker 5: We actually put together a breakfast.
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  Speaker 4: Menu and a lunch list, and before the kids go
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  Speaker 4: to bed, we get the kids to circle on the
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  Speaker 4: laminated breakfast menu what they want for breakfast the next day,
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  Speaker 4: and they choose what they want for lunch the next day,
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  Speaker 4: because you know, sometimes they walk out into the kitchen
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  Speaker 4: and they're bleary eyed and they're tired, and they can't
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  Speaker 4: decide what they want.
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  Speaker 5: They just open the fridge and stare at it for
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  Speaker 5: four minutes.
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  Speaker 3: Well the TV is it's not a TV, but they
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  Speaker 3: think it is.
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  Speaker 5: The fridge is so changed what's in the fridge.
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  Speaker 4: And so what we found is that when the kids
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  Speaker 4: are making decisions they might be for for what they'll
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  Speaker 4: have for breakfast and lunch, they just come out into
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  Speaker 4: the kitchen and get on with it. And we've spent
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  Speaker 4: time helping them to learn how to make this stuff,
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  Speaker 4: how to prepare their own lunches, how to prepare their
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  Speaker 4: own breakfasts, and they can do most of it pretty
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  Speaker 4: well without our assistance. But the great thing is now
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  Speaker 4: that the decisions are made, even if they do need help,
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  Speaker 4: it's so easy for us to step in. So that's
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  Speaker 4: that's kind of going over the top for some parents,
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  Speaker 4: but for us, we found that it's tremendously helpful.
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  Speaker 2: Definitely, And I think in the early early stages there
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  Speaker 2: was a lot of needed from me. But as our
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  Speaker 2: children have I guess gone through that process and like
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  Speaker 2: you said, we've trained and taught them how to do
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  Speaker 2: it that they are very much independent in relation to that.
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  Speaker 2: So I guess one of the other things that we've
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  Speaker 2: talked about in those four different steps is waking our
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  Speaker 2: children up just a few minutes earlier then they need
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  Speaker 2: to be awake, and doing it in such a way
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  Speaker 2: that it's not such an abrupt, rude, you know, intrusion
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  Speaker 2: to this beautiful night's sleep that they've had.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, so most of the time when we wake the
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  Speaker 4: kids up in the morning, it sounds like this, would.
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  Speaker 1: You just wake up?
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  Speaker 4: This is the fifth time I told you, You're ten
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  Speaker 4: minutes later already, it's going to be horrible.
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  Speaker 5: And nobody likes those kinds of wake ups.
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  Speaker 3: I don't think I ever had that. It was just
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  Speaker 3: they turned the light on.
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  Speaker 2: Right, Yes, turn the light on to get up.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, that sort of stuff just doesn't work well. And
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  Speaker 4: so if you want to have magic morning with connection
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  Speaker 4: rather than correction and direction, I reckon, go and sit
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  Speaker 4: on their bed ten minutes early. Give them a squeeze,
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  Speaker 4: give them a hug, let them know that you love them,
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  Speaker 4: are your set for the day?
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  Speaker 5: What can I do to help?
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  Speaker 2: And so then your last one, justin you talk about
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  Speaker 2: the need to not tell our children what to do,
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  Speaker 2: but ask them what to do.
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  Speaker 3: How does that actually work?
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  Speaker 4: So so much of our mornings, would you hurry up?
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  Speaker 4: Why haven't you done this? Go and get this for me,
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  Speaker 4: Go and pack that away. Like we're constantly telling our
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  Speaker 4: kids what to do, we're correcting and directing, But when
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  Speaker 4: we connect. A great way to engage with the kids
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  Speaker 4: when they're not moving is to connect by asking questions.
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  Speaker 4: You might say, Hey, what's next on your list? Or
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  Speaker 4: is there anything you need help with? I noticed that
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  Speaker 4: you're standing there looking a little bit lost. And when
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  Speaker 4: you reach out and offer to help, or when you
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  Speaker 4: say what's next on your list, those kinds of responses
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  Speaker 4: are much less likely to be perceived as correcting and
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  Speaker 4: directing and much more likely to be felt like, you know,
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  Speaker 4: we're connecting with and we're seeing them, we're valuing them,
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  Speaker 4: we're offering to help them. And that's good for building
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  Speaker 4: the relationship, and it's good for making warnings magic, and
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  Speaker 4: it's good forgetting about the door on time.
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  Speaker 3: And there was lots of ants there.
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  Speaker 2: So I'm going to add my own one little tip
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  Speaker 2: and I think that it has a huge impact on
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  Speaker 2: mind morning. It's just using those gentle reminders. So when
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  Speaker 2: the kids have actually finished or perceived to have finished
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  Speaker 2: their morning routine and they're ready to go to school,
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  Speaker 2: and they're already just to kind of, you know, chill
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  Speaker 2: out and wait for the school bus.
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  Speaker 3: To come along.
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  Speaker 2: That being me, sometimes I'll recognize and say that they
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  Speaker 2: haven't actually done a few of the things that they
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  Speaker 2: needed to do chore wise or helping out around the house,
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  Speaker 2: and so just a gender or reminder, hey Annie the
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  Speaker 2: laundry is enough for her to kind of kick into
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  Speaker 2: gear and go, oh yeah, I've got five minutes I
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  Speaker 2: can go and do you know, put a load on.
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  Speaker 5: I love listening to you. I reckon, we should do
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  Speaker 5: this podcast more often.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I really enjoy speaking with you.
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  Speaker 4: We really hope that this has been a helpful episode
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  Speaker 4: as you try to make your morning's magic. Can get
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: set for a brand new school year. Queensland supposed to
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: be back at school already, but that's not quite happening yet.
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  Speaker 4: We wait with haited breath here in the Sunshine State
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  Speaker 4: to find out how much longer the school holidays are
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  Speaker 4: going to be.
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  Speaker 5: Extended for and for the rest of us the country.
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  Speaker 4: Pretty much almost everyone's back next week, all things going well,
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  Speaker 4: Fingers crossed The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin
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  Speaker 4: Ruland from Bridge Media.
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  Speaker 5: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd like more
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: Info about making me family happier, please visit us at
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  Speaker 4: happyfamilies dot com dot au