Latest / Why Not Today? with Leslie Kane / Why Not Today? Season 2 - Episode 3 with Laura Hayes, Founder of The Brave Girl Project.

Transcript

Why Not Today? Season 2 - Episode 3 with Laura Hayes, Founder of The Brave Girl Project. · Why Not Today? with Leslie Kane

• 0:00
  Hello, my name is Leslie and I am the host of the Why Not Today podcast.
• 0:05
  This is a podcast to celebrate people who have been courageous and said, why not today?
• 0:10
  I started this podcast in honor of my father, Patrick Kane, who often just said, why not
• 0:14
  today?
• 0:15
  I am based in Reston, Virginia, a Planned community right outside of Washington, DC,
• 0:19
  and thanks for joining us today.
• 0:20
  And I'm excited, as I always am, about my guest, Laura Hayes.
• 0:23
  And Laura was somebody that somebody referred me to, which I love that.
• 0:29
  And she's got a business called the Brave Girl Project.
• 0:32
  I'm excited to hear about all she has to share.
• 0:35
  But I always talk about connections and how you meet people and how people are introduced
• 0:39
  to you.
• 0:40
  And Laura, you go way back to the connection of how this podcast started.
• 0:43
  So the podcast idea was inspired by somebody in the Reston area that knew my father.
• 0:51
  And he said in a social media post one day, he said, Pat Kane, myself, always used to
• 0:57
  say, why not today?
• 0:59
  And so fast forward a year later, I finally met the gentleman, John Pinkman.
• 1:03
  And we were talking about the podcast like, oh my gosh, you have to know Laura Hayes.
• 1:07
  And then we connected.
• 1:08
  I'm so excited about that.
• 1:09
  So many things we can do together.
• 1:12
  But it was fun to see you live probably a mile or two from me.
• 1:16
  And we have so many mutual friends.
• 1:17
  So we should have known each other.
• 1:19
  But now we do.
• 1:20
  We probably passed each other so many times.
• 1:22
  And yeah, John is such a connector of people.
• 1:26
  And so he reached out to me and he's like, you need to know Leslie.
• 1:31
  And then he just put us together.
• 1:32
  And I was like, perfect.
• 1:33
  We're both here in Reston.
• 1:34
  Yeah, I love that.
• 1:35
  So I'm super excited to have you on and hear your story.
• 1:39
  And I love what you're doing.
• 1:41
  And you're working in a world of helping teenage girls.
• 1:44
  And that is something that's near and dear to my heart, especially in the Mary Kay world.
• 1:48
  I heard a statistic that a woman's self-esteem is highest at age 10.
• 1:53
  Yeah.
• 1:54
  And we need to help those girls young.
• 1:55
  So let's get to know you, Laura.
• 1:57
  So tell us about you, your business, and quick little information about you and a fast, fun
• 2:03
  fact that we might not know.
• 2:04
  Well, a fast, fun fact, here in Reston, we have our three lakes.
• 2:09
  So I love stand-up paddleboarding.
• 2:12
  That is my, I'm just waiting for it to be a little bit warmer for me to go out.
• 2:17
  So if you ever see, if you're living in Reston and you see someone out on one of the lakes,
• 2:22
  it might be me.
• 2:23
  Well, we need to go out together because I have a paddleboard.
• 2:26
  It's not here in Reston right now.
• 2:27
  It's at Smith Mountain Lake, but I'm going to get it.
• 2:29
  And I do have access to that.
• 2:30
  Oh, that would be beautiful.
• 2:31
  Smith Mountain too is a gorgeous place to.
• 2:34
  And Reston, this is funny, Reston is such a small town that I was at one morning like
• 2:38
  super early on Lake Anne with a friend of mine.
• 2:41
  And we're getting texts and calls.
• 2:42
  Like, were you guys out paddleboarding this morning?
• 2:43
  I'm like, you cannot hide in this community.
• 2:47
  You can't hide.
• 2:48
  I've had that happen too where people, I think I saw you.
• 2:52
  Was that you?
• 2:53
  Yep.
• 2:54
  That was me.
• 2:55
  That was me.
• 2:56
  So what's new about you and your business and is it Brave Girl Project?
• 3:00
  Is that the right name?
• 3:01
  Yeah.
• 3:02
  The Brave Girl Project.
• 3:03
  Yes.
• 3:04
  So share with us how you started that and what it is.
• 3:07
  So I am a school counselor.
• 3:10
  And back in 2013, I was looking as a school counselor, anyone who works in the school
• 3:15
  system, you're always doing continuing education.
• 3:19
  And I had seen information about a coaching course and it sounded interesting and it was
• 3:25
  at our Northern Virginia Community College.
• 3:27
  So I thought I'm going to just sign up and take that.
• 3:31
  And that's kind of how everything started.
• 3:34
  I have always been passionate about helping kids.
• 3:38
  I've been a school counselor for 20 years.
• 3:42
  And then I found coaching as a way to continue supporting kids, but with a little bit more
• 3:48
  freedom.
• 3:49
  In schools, you're really limited with some time constraints.
• 3:53
  So sometimes you don't get to spend as much time as you would like.
• 3:57
  So in 2013, I went through a coaching program and started coaching kids on the weekends
• 4:02
  and after school.
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  And then in 2019, I had been helping my mom who was sick and I had decided we realized
• 4:14
  she's going to need more care.
• 4:16
  So I was taking a year off from school.
• 4:18
  I was going to take the 2019-2020 school year off to help her.
• 4:23
  Sadly, she passed away before that.
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  And my husband said, why don't you just take this year to recalibrate, spend time just
• 4:32
  doing your coaching practice.
• 4:35
  And so that began more of my online.
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  And so I have a program and the Brave Girl Project is called the Brave Girl Tribe.
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  And this is my big focus where I work with girls in fifth to eighth grade.
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  It's an online virtual community where they can attend our coaching calls each week.
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  We have lots of resources for them and it's a safe place for girls to come share what's
• 5:02
  going on in their life, but learn the skills they need to live their lives bravely and
• 5:07
  to build up their confidence.
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  As you see in the research, there's that big dip in confidence, basically from fifth to
• 5:14
  eighth grade.
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  It just is a big dive.
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  And we're really seeing a lot of concern.
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  Some people may be familiar with the CDC report that came out in late February.
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  Our girls really are struggling.
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  And so this is something that I'm really passionate in helping.
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  And so it's our girls and our moms that really need some of the support as they move forward.
• 5:38
  Yeah.
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  What an amazing idea and what a need that there is out there.
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  So let's kind of back up.
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  And I always ask, what does courage mean to you, Laura?
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  Courage really is having that confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way and
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  that you can step into that discomfort and that you can do so many things that you really
• 6:04
  don't even think you can handle, but when you step in knowing that you always have yourself
• 6:11
  and that you can believe in yourself, that you can handle and figure out and stepping
• 6:16
  into that fear is just part of that step.
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  And that when we step into the fear on the other side are the new opportunities, new
• 6:24
  lessons, that growth that you have then in your own confidence.
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  So I think it's really stepping into sometimes that unknown, but knowing that you have yourself
• 6:34
  to rely on and that you're so much stronger than what you might even realize.
• 6:38
  That's so true and such a good message, especially with the name of your company, the Brave Girl
• 6:43
  Project and Helping Girls.
• 6:47
  So it must have taken a little courage to leave your teaching or your counseling, your
• 6:53
  comfortable county job.
• 6:55
  Yes.
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  You were always grown.
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  Was there some time that you had to step into it and like, okay, what am I doing?
• 7:03
  Yes.
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  It's very scary to leave something that is such like a contained environment.
• 7:12
  A school really is a container and you have a specific role and jobs and the kids are
• 7:19
  there so you are supporting your community.
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  And so stepping outside of that definitely took a lot of courage.
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  Also when you start a business, there's such a learning curve.
• 7:31
  So there's definitely times where I would feel like, why did I do this?
• 7:36
  What am I doing?
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  And it's just, I think that's part of it is that using that courage to step into that
• 7:42
  uncertainty and that discomfort and just following, you know, okay, I just need to figure out
• 7:48
  just this first next step.
• 7:50
  And then I'm going to find out the next step after that.
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  Maybe there's a person, a resource and just knowing there's going to be those periods
• 7:57
  of time where you really feel uncertain.
• 8:00
  But if you can persevere through that, you're going to get to the next place and then you're
• 8:05
  just going to rinse and repeat and keep doing that along your journey.
• 8:08
  And that's kind of the whole premise of why not today?
• 8:10
  It's like, okay, what can I do today?
• 8:12
  Just to move the needle.
• 8:13
  And I did that with this podcast.
• 8:14
  It's like, okay, I'm just going to start it.
• 8:16
  I was talking, I mentioned mutual friend, Kelly Johnson, we're talking about doing a
• 8:21
  retreat around bravery.
• 8:23
  And she said, and planning the retreat, she's like, are you one of those people that you
• 8:26
  set the date and find the place and then figure it out or do you figure it all out and then
• 8:32
  find the date?
• 8:33
  I'm like, it will never happen if I do it that way.
• 8:35
  I am definitely and I think that's a whole big message of why not say like, you got to
• 8:40
  set the date, have the location, figure it out and then go backwards.
• 8:45
  And I think that's any, you know, if you really want to start a business with people that
• 8:48
  plan and plan and plan and plan, you'll never do it.
• 8:51
  Exactly.
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  I love that of yours, like why not today, because it really gives permission to jump
• 8:58
  in and start and you don't have to be perfect.
• 9:01
  And I think for some of my girls, they really struggle with perfectionism and they feel
• 9:06
  they have to have everything mapped out.
• 9:09
  And it's nope, let's not map it all out.
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  Because sometimes when we map it out, it doesn't have the opportunity to evolve and change.
• 9:17
  And that's what we sometimes need is, okay, let me make some, you know, add up, adapt
• 9:22
  solutions to it.
• 9:23
  So just like you starting your business, your coaching, you know, you started in before
• 9:30
  2020 and then, but you had to lose use new tools and it's probably become more powerful
• 9:36
  what you've been able to do with the new tools.
• 9:39
  Like I didn't use zoom and stream yard and all these tools and all these things that
• 9:43
  I had to learn that have been to run my business have helped me with the podcast.
• 9:48
  Yeah.
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  So it's kind of like if you have everything planned out, you have no room to like, oh,
• 9:53
  I want to go this path and let me try this.
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  It's evolving like every day.
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  We were talking about this earlier.
• 9:59
  It's like new ideas and like, okay, and learning so many things and being able to plug into
• 10:05
  those people.
• 10:06
  So like, John connected us because the podcasts and our similar visions and what we're doing,
• 10:11
  what you and I met and we could have sat there for hours, like, okay, what tool and what
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  tool and I'm like, okay, we need another power hour because there's so many different things.
• 10:19
  So I would love to hear to kind of some of the things and tools that you provide the
• 10:24
  girls that might help just see a little bit more into what you do, but also help people
• 10:31
  if somebody's listening that it has a teenage girl or struggling with some of these courage
• 10:36
  things and low self-esteem, I think is such an issue and all ages.
• 10:43
  You know, I see it every age woman.
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  I'm really working to really help with encourage all areas.
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  So whether it's through my Mary Kay business or through the podcast or just helping people
• 10:55
  in the community.
• 10:56
  Yeah.
• 10:57
  Well, it's wonderful that you have this because it really helps inspire people that, you know,
• 11:03
  why not today that regardless of where they are in their journey of life, they can start
• 11:08
  and it doesn't have to be sometimes we make that mistake that it has to be this huge big
• 11:11
  step, but it's just really the first smallest step.
• 11:16
  And so I think it's wonderful that you have this and I'm sure it inspires lots of people.
• 11:21
  I love what you said after you listened to a couple of the episodes and I need to use
• 11:26
  this quote directly, but basically you said after listening, you loved hearing all the
• 11:31
  guest stories, but it gave permission to people to say, why not?
• 11:34
  And to do it.
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  And because the true reality is each of us has, we have many gifts and sometimes what
• 11:44
  happens in life is, you know, we've maybe received messages that make us feel like we're
• 11:50
  not good enough.
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  Maybe we see other people doing things and we're like, I'm not like them.
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  There's no way I could do this.
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  But then what happens, it hurts all of us because then people are holding back on their
• 12:01
  gifts and they're not sharing them with the world.
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  And so we really need to step into the courage and step into the bravery to have faith that
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  maybe there's something that I have that other people need or a way that I can make the world
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  a better place.
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  And stepping into that bravery and that courage allows all of us then to benefit.
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  And that's what we really need in our world today and our girls really need to hear that
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  message and to feel that so that they can step into some things that our girls have
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  big, big dreams, but sometimes they play it safe.
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  So in the Brave Girl tribe, we really focus a lot on the things that may impact our girls
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  in holding them back.
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  So their self-esteem, friendships.
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  Friendships are a big concern for girls and there's a lot of things that sometimes are
• 12:55
  happening and especially coming out of the pandemic, there's this rush to really get
• 13:02
  connected.
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  And so sometimes I think some girls really feel like they don't have a friend or a place
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  to connect with others.
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  And so they really need some support in learning some of the skills they need to make new connections
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  and to kind of build back up that self-esteem.
• 13:21
  A lot of my girls sometimes also deal with a little bit of worry or feeling anxious.
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  And I've done a lot of training.
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  I'm an anxiety informed specialist.
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  And so I use a lot of different techniques to help girls move through that worry or that
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  fear that maybe is stopping them and keeping them from really being their best in school,
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  being their best with their friends, trying out for the teams, doing the activities.
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  Because sometimes I think there's the worry of what will other people think that our young
• 13:54
  girls experience.
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  And so stepping out of that can be so important for them.
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  I do also individual coaching.
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  So I have lots of clients.
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  I have them from all over.
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  Today I get to coach one of my friends that's in Melbourne, Australia.
• 14:10
  Yeah.
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  So what's nice about doing things virtually is we're only limited by kind of time zone.
• 14:20
  And so it's a wonderful way for people to learn different skills.
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  And my girls are really, they're their best expert.
• 14:30
  They already have a lot of what they need inside.
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  Sometimes they just need some help or some different tools to stretch them or help give
• 14:37
  perspective.
• 14:38
  Right.
• 14:39
  So they can...What are some of the tools in your toolbox that you provide for the girls?
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  So I use a ton.
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  A lot of my tools are based in cognitive behavioral therapy techniques.
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  What are some basic things that we could pass on or any age is like, all right, I'm struggling
• 14:58
  with this.
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  What are some easy ones?
• 15:01
  Here's a very easy one.
• 15:03
  And it's basically think of your thoughts steer the direction of your life.
• 15:11
  Okay.
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  Right.
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  So I use something that's called the steer map.
• 15:16
  And it's an acronym, but it's not spelled S-T-E-E-R.
• 15:20
  It's S-T-E-A-R.
• 15:22
  So what we want to do, and anyone can do this tool, you'll take a piece of paper and you'll
• 15:29
  just start kind of like a brain dump.
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  Just thinking about the things that are going on currently in your life and jotting those
• 15:35
  down on a piece of paper.
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  Do that maybe for like three minutes, five minutes.
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  And then look at those things that you've written down.
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  And I want you to pick one situation.
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  So some of my girls, it may be I wasn't invited to a slumber party.
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  And a lot of my friends are invited to the slumber party.
• 15:57
  So we'll write that situation down and then we want to look at, so that's the S, the situation.
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  The T stands for the thoughts.
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  What are the thoughts you have about this situation?
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  So that girl might say, you know, the one friend thinks I'm cringey.
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  They don't like me.
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  I'm awkward.
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  No one talks or listens to my stories.
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  So then we look, we have these thoughts.
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  So then what are the emotions we get?
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  Because our thoughts are the gasoline to our emotions.
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  So I like to use an emotion feeling wheel because our girls really need to learn more
• 16:43
  feeling words.
• 16:44
  We really want them to build all of us.
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  You know, a lot of times we rely on like, oh, how are you doing?
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  I'm good.
• 16:49
  We want to be more specific with our feelings and our emotions and really build an awareness
• 16:55
  of our inner world.
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  So what are those feelings?
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  And then those feelings, they lead to our actions.
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  So that's the A in the steer.
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  And so sometimes, you know, if that girl is feeling having a thought like no one likes
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  me, I'm cringey.
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  That's why I'm not invited.
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  And then she feels rejected and lonely, isolated.
• 17:19
  Then when she's in school, she may pull back.
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  You know, maybe she doesn't sit with them at lunch at the lunch table.
• 17:26
  Maybe someone like says hi and she just kind of gives them the cold shoulder in the hallway.
• 17:32
  And then the results, the R is the results.
• 17:34
  What are the results that we're getting in our life?
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  And so that may be I'm not connected to my friends.
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  Like I don't know what's going on.
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  I don't know if my friends are really my friends.
• 17:46
  So then what we do once we run that steer map, we then run an intentional steer map.
• 17:54
  We want to look at we can enter it into a different points.
• 17:57
  We could look at, you know, what are the results you want to have?
• 18:01
  And maybe the result is like, I want to be invited to a sleepover or I want to feel closer
• 18:05
  to my friends.
• 18:08
  Maybe they want to have a different emotion.
• 18:10
  You know, they just feel icky with that negativity and they want to feel something different.
• 18:15
  I want to feel more confident with my friends.
• 18:18
  So then we work backwards.
• 18:19
  So what would be some of the thoughts you might need to have if you want to feel confident
• 18:24
  with your friends?
• 18:26
  So that might be, well, maybe maybe they were only allowed to have four girls and it's not
• 18:31
  me that's not invited.
• 18:33
  It's just the number.
• 18:35
  You know, maybe they're doing a project for a class that I don't know about.
• 18:39
  So it can be rewriting our thoughts to help us.
• 18:43
  We create so many stories, too, that are right.
• 18:47
  And the reason we do that, you know, is because there's so much information that comes at
• 18:52
  us over the course of the day.
• 18:54
  So our thoughts become habits.
• 18:56
  And sometimes we don't realize we have cognitive distortions that we fall into.
• 19:02
  Another big thing I do with my girls is we look at like kind of a common nine to 13 cognitive
• 19:09
  distortions.
• 19:10
  And we have challenge questions that we can use if we think we've fallen into a thought.
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  I call it for my girls, instead of cognitive distortions, I call it a thought hole.
• 19:22
  And so a common one for my girls is they get into the mind reading habit.
• 19:26
  They know like, oh, my gosh, she thinks I'm cringy.
• 19:30
  She doesn't like me.
• 19:32
  So when we will what could be some other thoughts she has about you?
• 19:35
  How do you know that's the thought she has about you?
• 19:37
  And is that asking the question?
• 19:39
  Is it really true?
• 19:40
  Yeah.
• 19:41
  And so then that can help them like, oh, my gosh, I got stuck in this feeling.
• 19:47
  And I was treating this thought as if it was true.
• 19:51
  And then that was clouding, you know, my actions and attitudes.
• 19:55
  And that's maybe why I'm having some of the problems I'm having.
• 19:58
  Yeah, I love that.
• 20:00
  And I think that'll help with everything.
• 20:02
  I was listening to a podcast just the other day from Mel Robbins, who's a huge, successful
• 20:07
  person, and one of the thought afters, I don't know if you listen to it all, but she was
• 20:13
  talking about she didn't get invited to a party.
• 20:17
  And it was because her friend thought she was taking advantage of her asking her to
• 20:22
  babysit where she was looking for sources to people to help babysit because her husband's
• 20:27
  business was going under there.
• 20:29
  $800,000 in debt.
• 20:31
  She was just in survival mode.
• 20:34
  But once you had that conversation, you know, we just kind of we create so many stories
• 20:39
  in our head.
• 20:40
  And like, why don't we create the good story?
• 20:43
  Yeah.
• 20:44
  And that's what's really hard for our girls.
• 20:49
  Another key thing is that our girls don't know how to have uncomfortable conversations
• 20:52
  with one another.
• 20:54
  And so then oftentimes, there's something under the surface that's kind of happened
• 21:00
  that there's maybe a resentment or a hurt, and they're not having the conversation.
• 21:04
  And so then this tension kind of builds and this awkwardness between a friendship and
• 21:08
  the girls don't understand what's going on.
• 21:10
  So that's another thing that we're this whole month of March, we've been really looking
• 21:15
  at the skills you need to have a healthy friendship.
• 21:18
  And we've been looking at boundaries and different ways.
• 21:21
  Yeah, when and I there, the teenage girls, and I think it goes all ages, but they have
• 21:27
  their friend group, which is a big thing now.
• 21:30
  And like, I'm not part of that friend group or this friend.
• 21:32
  I'm not this.
• 21:33
  I'm friends with this person, like really good friends, but she's not part of the group.
• 21:38
  So you have to act cool.
• 21:39
  And you know, it goes on forever and ever and ever.
• 21:42
  And it doesn't stop.
• 21:43
  And I love that you're working on them now.
• 21:45
  And oh, my gosh, they're going to be so much more powerful adults.
• 21:48
  I mean, literally, this is what I wish I had had.
• 21:52
  I was a very shy girl growing up, and my parents were very, very supportive, but I would have
• 21:58
  really benefited from someone other than my mom and dad.
• 22:02
  And back when I was growing up, we didn't have school counselors yet.
• 22:06
  And so I probably would have loved to go in and talk with a school counselor, but having
• 22:11
  someplace outside of school to go and talk.
• 22:15
  And that's another thing that my girls really enjoy in the brave girl tribe.
• 22:19
  I have girls from all over and most likely there's so far I don't have anyone from the
• 22:25
  same school.
• 22:26
  Oh, that's awesome.
• 22:27
  I'm wondering about that.
• 22:28
  Yeah, there's a lot of anonymity where you can get online.
• 22:33
  I have girls who are all from Fairfax County, but I have girls from all over the US and
• 22:38
  Canada.
• 22:39
  And I bet they're building great connections and bonds that are going to be lifetime.
• 22:45
  Your high school friends are not your lifetime friends.
• 22:47
  Yeah.
• 22:48
  You're so much drama.
• 22:49
  Yeah, it is so amazing.
• 22:51
  And last this past Sunday call, you know, one of the girls was sharing an experience
• 22:57
  she had.
• 22:59
  And she's like, I just don't know if like I'm overreacting.
• 23:03
  And so it was so helpful for her to hear from the other girls.
• 23:06
  You're not overreacting.
• 23:07
  This isn't just in your head.
• 23:09
  This hurts.
• 23:11
  This is understandable.
• 23:12
  And then we were able I was able to give her advice and then the other girls could add
• 23:15
  in.
• 23:16
  And afterwards, she's like, thank you guys so much.
• 23:19
  This like was so helpful.
• 23:20
  And it was like, made her feel more confident and heard.
• 23:24
  It did.
• 23:25
  It did.
• 23:26
  And what's nice about the brave girl tribe is we also have I kind of think of it like
• 23:29
  a Facebook page, but it's not on social media.
• 23:32
  But the girls can communicate to each other when we're not on a call.
• 23:37
  So they can make a post in the community page and say, oh, my gosh, like, a friend said
• 23:41
  this to me, and I don't know what to do.
• 23:44
  And you know, I can quickly I get all the messages.
• 23:46
  So I know I can go moderate that.
• 23:50
  Other girls give such great advice.
• 23:53
  We're just even validating that hurt.
• 23:56
  And that's what sometimes our girls need is really someone to listen and say, oh, my gosh,
• 24:01
  this is hard.
• 24:02
  This makes sense that you're upset.
• 24:05
  Let's do that.
• 24:06
  You know what we can do now.
• 24:07
  Can we have a brave woman tribe?
• 24:10
  It's funny because on Instagram, I have a lot of people who follow me that are women
• 24:18
  that really benefit from the message.
• 24:21
  And so and what I basically because I am the brave girl.
• 24:25
  This is like what I still need.
• 24:27
  It's a lot of times what I'm using is stuff that I knew I needed when I was young.
• 24:33
  It's stuff that maybe we still need.
• 24:34
  So it's applicable to anybody.
• 24:37
  You know, I also have brave boys that I coach.
• 24:41
  I have several boys that I do individual coaching with.
• 24:45
  I have a son.
• 24:46
  So, you know, I've always all made it.
• 24:50
  Love my guys, too.
• 24:51
  Yeah, I was thinking that to create a why not today tribe or why not a face.
• 24:59
  I have the Facebook page, but a group where people can share and encourage each other.
• 25:03
  I think you just encouraged me to add another list.
• 25:06
  Thanks, Laura.
• 25:07
  Well, and that's what's so nice, Leslie.
• 25:09
  You have so many wonderful ideas and you do things from a place in your heart that you
• 25:15
  want to really help and encourage and support people.
• 25:17
  And so that's wonderful that you have this because that's how we help make the world
• 25:23
  a better place.
• 25:24
  Because then, you know, maybe there's someone in in your group that then, you know, is supporting
• 25:30
  someone younger and it's helping all of us feel better because so many people are dealing
• 25:36
  with anxiety and depression.
• 25:37
  When you look at the rates, it's so many increases.
• 25:41
  So much hard and stuff going on.
• 25:43
  And I was sharing with you before we came on that there's a new book, I think it's called
• 25:48
  The Good Life, but it's got it's under the about a study that I've heard about before.
• 25:57
  It was the Harvard Men's Study and they interviewed men.
• 26:00
  They followed men, white men from Harvard, starting in the 40s all the way.
• 26:05
  And I think President Kennedy was one of the people he said.
• 26:08
  But then they also had a group of more underprivileged men from Boston because it started in the 40s.
• 26:14
  Now it's evolved and it's been going on this long.
• 26:16
  And they've been studying people's life and their connections and their family and multigenerational.
• 26:24
  And the one common denominator, which just really spoke to my heart was the one common
• 26:29
  denominator happiness was connect was more relationships and connections.
• 26:33
  And I think that's such a hard thing for so many people to build those connections.
• 26:39
  And because of what life happens, I mean, it takes work to build those connections and
• 26:44
  have a relationship.
• 26:45
  It's interesting right now in my world, I'm kind of swimming with some new friends I've
• 26:50
  made that are recently divorced.
• 26:53
  And it's interesting in talking to them that I think I have really strong connected friendships.
• 27:00
  I have a really strong thrive.
• 27:02
  Not just in my Mary Kay world, but also just who I am.
• 27:06
  I'm a connector and I build great good relationships.
• 27:11
  And so I was talking to a friend the other day and I'm like, you know, I said, I think
• 27:15
  maybe the one of the reasons I have such strong relationships with all kinds of people is
• 27:19
  because I am single.
• 27:21
  And I've had to develop those skills.
• 27:23
  I said, I might need to do a podcast on, you know, how to thrive being single.
• 27:27
  Yeah, all those relationships.
• 27:30
  That would be so, I mean, and that, I mean, the why not today, like, because sometimes
• 27:35
  adults still need to build the relationships and the social interpersonal skills.
• 27:40
  And when your life has maybe shifted and you no longer have a partner, or your kids are
• 27:45
  off in college and now you're an empty nester.
• 27:47
  Now what?
• 27:48
  I know.
• 27:50
  My son's a sophomore and I'm like, okay, getting ready, getting ready.
• 27:53
  I would say it's like when they're little, I said that kids, it's like the hours last
• 27:59
  forever and the days go by so fast.
• 28:01
  Years go by so fast.
• 28:02
  Yeah, they do.
• 28:03
  It is very true.
• 28:04
  It is amazing how quickly, yeah, because I mean, we all find ourselves in different phases
• 28:11
  of our life and sometimes it's reinventing ourselves or understanding and getting to
• 28:16
  know ourselves better in this new stage and giving yourself permission.
• 28:21
  And there's nothing wrong with that.
• 28:23
  We should be evolving and changing.
• 28:24
  You're not going to be the same person you were in your twenties.
• 28:27
  No, absolutely not.
• 28:28
  Hopefully not.
• 28:29
  And having those tools and those skills that you talk about, having a toolbox, I teach
• 28:37
  that a lot.
• 28:38
  It's like what are the things that can help you reframe and think different ways and to
• 28:45
  be, to have those changes and decide, do what you want to do.
• 28:49
  Enjoy your life.
• 28:50
  There's so many people that are miserable.
• 28:52
  And that's what I really hope this Why Not Today message encourages people.
• 28:55
  Live your life, enjoy your life.
• 28:57
  Do the things you want to do and you just never know.
• 29:00
  You never know who is going to be connected to you and whose dream is connected to yours.
• 29:05
  Yes, I love that.
• 29:07
  You just spark a memory.
• 29:09
  Last week, one of my favorite, my mentor is Lynn Lyons.
• 29:14
  She does, she's a speaker and a psychotherapist who does a tremendous amount of work around
• 29:19
  anxiety.
• 29:21
  And she was in the Northern Virginia area and she presented in McLean and I got to actually
• 29:27
  meet her and have her sign one of her books.
• 29:30
  But one thing that she had said that is essential for parents is to have bring joy into your
• 29:38
  life.
• 29:39
  Really let your kids see you experiencing joy.
• 29:45
  And our kids really sometimes right now see they're fearful of growing up.
• 29:51
  They see how difficult the world is.
• 29:54
  And it, you know, sometimes they see their parents maybe now because so many parents
• 29:58
  work from home still my husband still works from home.
• 30:02
  They see the pressure, they see the demands and they are like, I don't want that.
• 30:07
  That does not look fun, exciting and invigorating.
• 30:12
  And so finding joy.
• 30:14
  Why not today?
• 30:15
  What could we do today to bring joy into our life or to make a new connection with someone?
• 30:22
  That's awesome and the next question I was going to ask you is how would you encourage
• 30:25
  somebody to be courageous?
• 30:26
  And I think that's one of the things is just show joy.
• 30:29
  Yeah, it is a tremendous, it gives people permission.
• 30:35
  People who don't even know you get to see that.
• 30:39
  And it gives them hope.
• 30:40
  It gives them maybe inspiration to step into finding what gives them joy.
• 30:45
  And so that is it's an essential part of your self care and it can be so important for all
• 30:53
  of us to see that that playful spirit like who were we when we were nine?
• 30:58
  What did we do when we were little?
• 31:01
  I saw a YouTube video yesterday and it was about Denmark and people on a trampoline and
• 31:08
  trampolines I'm like you can just have fun and you know we need to have fun and have
• 31:13
  joy in our life and celebrate the little successes and you know not take life so serious.
• 31:19
  Exactly I mean that's I feel I benefit so much from my clients as well like sometimes
• 31:28
  I get sometimes I like I hope we get as equal but I really get true gifts because I get
• 31:34
  to see the world through their eyes and sometimes it can really spark you know inspiration hope
• 31:41
  and you know getting connected back with who we were when we were young and what was important
• 31:47
  perhaps to us and moving forward maybe more into that.
• 31:53
  Yeah absolutely I know when I coach people and work with people it's the same thing you
• 31:56
  get so many gifts with helping and it reminds us of the thing and they can teach us also.
• 32:01
  Yeah.
• 32:02
  You know us being brave can help other people and then in turn help us by sharing with other
• 32:08
  people.
• 32:09
  We could go on forever and ever and ever and I wish we did have unlimited time but I don't
• 32:12
  want listeners to say oh my gosh will they ever stop.
• 32:17
  But I always like to connect this back because this started in honor of my dad connected
• 32:21
  to my dad and some people like I never met your dad which I don't know if you ever did
• 32:24
  meet my dad.
• 32:25
  You've lived and rest in a while you may have seen them because people saw him around but
• 32:28
  so I always go back to the connection of things I heard well first of all you know the connection
• 32:34
  of John Pinkman that's a direct connect but you're changing lives and making a difference
• 32:39
  in young people.
• 32:40
  I think that was one a gift my father had.
• 32:42
  We would have friends come over to come hang out of the lake or go out or somewhere and
• 32:46
  he would be like Laura grab that thing a mulch and help and you do it.
• 32:51
  I'm like yeah I'm not doing your work yet but he was a father to a lot of people and
• 32:58
  a lot of people didn't have that family that encouraged and he was tough you know and he
• 33:05
  made he was made that he'd listened and he made you think I have several friends and
• 33:11
  I mentioned before on this that have said they had more conversations with my father
• 33:15
  than they ever did their own father.
• 33:17
  That's so sweet that he was yeah it's heartbreaking but so nice that they had someone to because
• 33:23
  that's really I mean if you have at least one adult caring adult in your life.
• 33:27
  Yeah it makes a tremendous amount and so that's so lovely that he was that for so many people.
• 33:32
  Yep and then the other connection is the lake life that is funny we grew up on Lake Anne
• 33:37
  and his office was the other end of the lake and he always teased that he went all different
• 33:41
  ways he was on there weren't paddleboards then but he had a windsurfing he went sailing
• 33:46
  he swam he skated he sail you know all the ways and he could see us from his office which
• 33:54
  had us in trouble a few times.
• 33:58
  That sounds like he was like a fun person and just like creative and had that nice spirit.
• 34:05
  Yeah so thank you Laura for sharing and I can't wait to do more with you so if somebody wants
• 34:10
  to reach you or connect with you or what is it and I'm going to share this in the show
• 34:14
  notes too.
• 34:15
  Yeah.
• 34:15
  What's the best way to find Laura?
• 34:17
  The best way my website is the brave girl project dot com and they can find me on Instagram
• 34:28
  at the brave girl project they can find me on Facebook at the brave girl project.
• 34:33
  I also have a YouTube channel so they can look up the brave girl project.
• 34:38
  So yeah I have a podcast.
• 34:42
  And what was that?
• 34:43
  I want to be part of your brave girl.
• 34:44
  You can come and be a speaker.
• 34:47
  I know it's funny we have guest speakers and you know then we always say you know once
• 34:53
  you're here you're part of the tribe you know and.
• 34:55
  Oh I'd love to come be a speaker and I know somebody else I'd love to refer you to.
• 34:59
  That would be wonderful I'd love that yeah if someone has someone that they think they
• 35:03
  maybe this would be helpful for the girls you know reach out I'm always open to
• 35:08
  meeting new people and finding different resources and ways to support.
• 35:12
  So yeah well thank you everybody for listening thank you Laura.
• 35:16
  You can find the why why not today podcast on now we're on YouTube we are on Spotify
• 35:23
  iTunes all the places we do have why not today gear swag so if you need a why not today cup
• 35:30
  we've got t-shirts we've got finals and share this with a friend if you think might need
• 35:37
  to hear it or if you know somebody who'd be a good guest and always looking for powerful
• 35:40
  women and men as guests to kind of share so thank you again thanks Laura and thank you
• 35:45
  everybody for listening and just say why not today why not today.