Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #82 Find Calm in the College List Chaos: How to Ignore the Hyped Schools So You Can Find the Right School

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#82 Find Calm in the College List Chaos: How to Ignore the Hyped Schools So You Can Find the Right School · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

College Is Fine Podcast (00:00) Ali, talk about your business talk about both the college corner and the dorm corner Ali Dorfman (00:04) if you know the wedding website, then not.com, it's basically when you're getting married, you go on and you could find everything you need from a wedding planner to a DJ to a florist to the invitations. So that was really my idea with the college and dorm corner is that kind of this resource where no matter what part of the journey you're in, you can find something that you need. One of the things like we do that I love is we have these travel guides. So if you're going to visit, know, University of Michigan for the weekend, where should you stay? Where should you eat? Where should you go? And they're curated by college students. So I feel like there's just so much to it. And sometimes it's great to hear it from the families going through the process. And what I love about it, knowing that I had this news background, I would interview people and travel and meet the most interesting people. So now through this business, I'm talking to people like you. college counselor and everyone started their businesses for different reasons. Some of the college counselors worked at a high school as a guidance counselor or test prep people. A lot of them got a 1600 on their SAT. They're like, wait, I should be helping people. So I love finding out people's stories, why they started and how they're now helping the next generation of people. And then also with the shopping stuff. I used to have a cute business called the Paper Alley with my best friend Allie and we sold all these personalized gifts. And I know what it means, the gifts you get in. That's so exciting. All of a sudden you're wearing a Maryland hat or ⁓ representing your school pride. You've worked so hard. Now you got there. Let me wear it on my, wear it everywhere. And then again, the dorm stuff. You were asking Emmy about, she even think about that stuff? Well. Sarah (01:26) Yeah. Yeah. Ali Dorfman (01:39) Guess what? Next year when she gets into college, she is going to be planning that dorm room and very excited about the blankets and the pillows and the wall decor. So I think it's just, you know, each thing is a step and I love both of it. I love like the services and the shopping. It's just in me. So I love that I can now provide that content for families. Sarah (01:57) I love that it's, it's really a hub for folks, right? And so when you're hearing all these stories, it sounds like you have managed to curate a lot of people who feel like there's some sort of purpose that they're trying to give back to something that they've had. I think that that's lovely to be able to kind of say, all right, I keep on talking to this kind of person, that kind of person. What are some of the main bits that you've seen, some skills or some advice or some like, here's a heads up in terms of when you've spoken to all these people, are there some themes that you see coming across the? Ali Dorfman (02:27) I mean, I think everyone's different. Like if you go on social media, you see a lot of the people I speak to have like a big social media presence. A lot of these amazing experts don't even use social media. They're more like old school word of mouth. So some stuff is sensationalized. know, some of these people you follow, you see all the comments and people, but I think it shows that there's an interest and it's engaging people in conversation and dialogue. It's such a hot topic. mean, you every single day in the news, there's a different story about college. They're going back to test optional. They're going, you know, this school is now not holistic review. It's like every single day it's changing. So I think it's keeping up with it. People love it. And I do think like, you you brought up the football before people love knowing about this, whether it's the sports stuff or now all the schools like down south are becoming more popular because of the hot weather. So I think it's just like keeping up with the trends. And I think people just love it. And Sarah (03:15) Right. Ali Dorfman (03:20) You know, I try to incorporate in my social media, I'm trying to grow my following. So I try to make it more like mom friendly also, you know, like these are the funny things that we're going through at my house. But I would say the trends are just different for every kind of person that you follow, but it's an evolving story. And I think that's what people like. You you go to the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, every single day you could find another college story. So I think it just shows how big of a deal it is right now in people's lives. Sarah (03:29) Mm-hmm. Well, one of the things I noticed from your website that was really great and it felt, you know, everyone loves the list, right? It's like, this is so chaotic, so just tell me what to do. And you have seven steps to choosing the right college list. Can you talk a little bit more about why that exists and what's on it? College Is Fine Podcast (03:55) you Ali Dorfman (04:02) I think that a lot of the college experts out there, try to help you narrow down your list. So a lot of it is like, it's almost like if you're going to camp in the summer, do you want coed or all uniform? So it's sort of like which colleges? Do you want big or, like for Emmy, she wants a school probably with a big football team. Like she was saying that we go to a high school, she plays three varsity sports, she's captain of soccer next year. It's such a big part of her life, so that she wants to continue in college. I would say most kids probably stay on a similar path that they had in high school. But I would say that just, yeah, you know, location, geography, the size of the school, obviously a certain major if you're interested in a business school, or you just want to do liberal arts and then you decide when you go into college. So I think that really just having a list just helps narrow it down. At the same time, you might... Go to Tulane, for instance. Maybe it's not on Emmy's list she visits. She's like, I love New Orleans. I love the food. I love the weather. So I think that you might have a list, but a lot of times you go to another school and you change your mind because something speaks to you that you didn't know spoke to you before. So I think it's good to have the list, but also have an open mind. Sarah (05:05) Yeah. College Is Fine Podcast (05:08) Yeah. Sarah (05:11) Right. Can I ask one last question? How easy is it for you to follow your own advice now that you've been talking to all these folks? College Is Fine Podcast (05:11) Love that. Yeah. Ali Dorfman (05:19) It's actually not easy because I like, well, for instance, like there's this author, Jeff Salingo, he wrote a book called Dream School. Have you guys heard of it? He's amazing. And it's sort of like, you don't want to focus on the same schools. Like your dream school is the school that you will do the best in and excel in and have a great future in. So a part of me wants to instill that in my kids and be, but it's hard because then there are a handful of schools that are on Emmy's list that are probably Sarah (05:21) I kind of need the answer. College Is Fine Podcast (05:29) Yes, I have. Ali Dorfman (05:47) very popular schools. So I want her to be more open-minded, but then I keep saying, we're going on a tour of this school. So it's, you want to be open-minded, but you also, you know, see what's out there and in your head, you feel that way too. So I guess to answer your question, I'm trying to heed other people's advice, but my own brain kind of takes over and is like my own superpower. College Is Fine Podcast (06:09) Yeah. Sarah (06:12) You're not alone, ⁓ As two clinical psychologists, I can tell you that we often give advice and then are like, crap, now we have to do this ourselves. College Is Fine Podcast (06:14) Yeah. Ali Dorfman (06:22) I So let me, I'm going actually ask you guys a question though. What advice do you have for me? Like, you know, that Emmy, I have this business, so it seems all perfect, but obviously when the camera's off, there are times where I'm annoying her and she's just like, just leave me alone. What advice do you have for me to make sure that the next few months as we head into application season, and by the way, she might have a great resume right now, but she might get rejected from a lot of these schools. Like we have to be realistic that College Is Fine Podcast (06:25) ⁓ sure. Sarah (06:49) Right now. Ali Dorfman (06:51) Just because you think you're the perfect candidate, the schools, you might not be the right fit for that school. So what advice do you have for me to help me kind of quell my emotions and do a good job at parenting in a time that might not be so perfect? College Is Fine Podcast (07:03) Yeah, I can go first. Is that okay, Sarah? I mean, I just want to commend you and I'm not just saying this because you're on. There's some things she already said, Emmy, that I think are going to help you. So like, she has like a level of confidence that I think parents need to trust their kids own intuition and gut about where they might want to go to school or what they might want to major in, right? That I really Sarah (07:05) Of course. College Is Fine Podcast (07:26) I think that's the most important thing that parents can do is to help their kids feel confident, right? That confident that it's going to work out, even some of the language I mean used. think I truly believe that kids who end up getting into schools and going to schools that aren't a good fit for them, that's when they're unsuccessful. And sometimes that's chasing a story about a school that we feel like we should be chasing, right? So those are all like emotions. So I really think the best thing parents can do is to make sure that it's a collaborative process, right? But ultimately their child is the one that's going to school. And I think just like the journalism piece that Emmy shared, that kids are gonna be happier and succeed when they feel like they had some level of agency over where they're going to school and what they're doing when they go to college. So that's really, think, and regulating your anxiety. you know, meditate, exercise, talk to your friends. I don't know, find some good distress. Ali Dorfman (08:21) Yeah. Sarah (08:20) Yeah, find your team to kind of be all out with them. ⁓ Liz, I completely agree. I just saw in Emmy such a sense of kind of being anchored. so congratulations. She really does seem like she has a sense of what she can want. you know, I don't know. I obviously just met her for 10 seconds, but I'm like, I'm not worried about her. I also think that one thing I always remind College Is Fine Podcast (08:22) Find some... Right. Yeah. Sarah (08:42) parents going through this time and also students going through this time. This is actually only four years of your life. And it's an important four years and we get it, we love our school. But in terms of your relationship with her, that's gonna span way past college and how you communicate and go through this is gonna be an indicator to her of like what other potential trials and tribulations might be. And so if you kind of zoom out to well past college, sometimes that can help you regulate a little bit to be like, all right, right now what she might need is College Is Fine Podcast (08:47) Yeah. Right. Sarah (09:11) a supportive parent, someone who's not intrusive, who can just be there for her as an anchor. And then that's going to start to build for her, hey, this is the type of support I can expect for life. So I also say, zoom out past these four years and think about what kind of relationship and what kind of support person you want to be for her. Well, pass this because this will pass. This will be a distant memory at some point in your life. It feels like the only thing that you're thinking and drinking and eating now. And if you keep that in mind, it might help you feel less. College Is Fine Podcast (09:28) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Sarah (09:40) feel less worried in actuality. Ali Dorfman (09:42) Yep, that's just another step along the way, right? Like college, like you said, it's four years, but then there's after that. So I do think like with all these people out there, like it's amazing, but hopefully we're instilling good qualities and then that they'll take beyond college. College Is Fine Podcast (09:55) Yeah, yeah, I Sarah (09:55) Yeah. One time I was at a place where his parents said, I'm excited where he's going to school. I'm more excited about the person he is. ⁓ Yeah. ⁓ Ali Dorfman (10:05) Exactly. I have the chills. It's so true. Like that's kind College Is Fine Podcast (10:05) Yeah. Ali Dorfman (10:08) of like the moral of the story is like a good person because college is just like going to be a blip on the radar.