Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 213. From Boredom To Bliss In The Bedroom

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213. From Boredom To Bliss In The Bedroom · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship and a good relationship and a good relationship.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: In general, we get bored, and I'm not just saying in the bedroom.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I think women get more sick of their clothes.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I think they get sick of their nail polish.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I think they get sick of their hair, which is why they dye it lots of colors.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: I think naturally we like new stuff.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I think obviously this is one of the many reasons.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: But a lot of the time maybe a woman isn't prioritizing fun in the bedroom is literally because it just kind of became mediocre or moonding.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I think you're right because on a lot of our posts the replies from the guys I'd just be happy to be making love, I'd be happy if my wife even would do anything.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I think as a man, you're probably right In our relationship.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: That's kind of what happened, is I was just happy we were making love.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I thought that I was bored in the bedroom, but that's not really what ended up happening.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I ended up figuring out why is my sex drive not high?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Why am I not craving it like he is?
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: Why do I just not care about being intimate anymore?
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: To find out that it was emotional disconnect in other areas outside of the bedroom that was causing that.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: For me, it wasn't actually that I needed a whole bunch of variety, because I actually don't.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: After I figured it out, we're actually a lot more boring in the bedroom than people probably think After being creators the ultimate intimacy app, but we prioritize it.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: But I think we've both gotten to a point where there's certain things we like and we're happy there, but it's because I think our emotional, emotional intimacy in the rest of our marriage is strong.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: You're spitting facts, babe.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: You're spitting facts I just lost what I was saying.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: And you know what?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to say, though, like yeah, you're totally right.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: We fixed things maybe more outside the bedroom, which then made things a lot more connecting in the bedroom, but we thought we needed to fix something in the bedroom and it was really fixing things out.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: So the point I'm trying to make is that, from boredom to bliss in the bedroom, the title that we've called this actually goes way outside the bedroom, yeah and I think most.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: maybe some men are thinking, oh, things being good in the bedroom are gonna be you know sexual things, but I'm here to say that's not the case.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Like, our sexual intimacy is amazing, but it is because of the things we've done outside the bedroom, absolutely 100%.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I don't need a pole in the bedroom.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I don't need swings in the bedroom.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I don't like.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: That's not what makes sexual intimacy better.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: No, sexual intimacy is better when you're emotional.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Not into any of that.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: No, no, exactly, I was just saying I was just making a comment like I think people think, oh, things are gonna be good in the bedroom, we gotta get crazy.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: And that is not the case.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: That is not true.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: That is not true.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: So so let's dive in.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: So, from boredom to bliss in the bedroom.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Men, yes, you're like, oh, how do I not be bored in the bedroom?
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: And the women are like, let's talk about outside the bedroom.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna hit everything, because everyone's different, right, that's right.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: So first, here are the reasons why things can get bored in the bedroom.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: And the first reason is if things are bored in the bedroom, if you're bored in the bedroom, it's because you have boredom outside of the bedroom.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Exactly what I just said.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm kind of you were jumping ahead.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Jumping ahead.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's expand on that.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: If your marriage is feeling meaty, ochre and kind of boring and kind of oh, it's just our stage of life.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: We do the same things every night.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: We climb into bed.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Somebody wants it, the other person doesn't.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It's not super exciting anymore.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: It might be because you're outside of the bedroom has become a little stagnant, like maybe you're not having fun, exciting date nights, maybe you're not having those exciting conversations anymore because they're always about the kids or they're always about work or they're always about finances, right, like who would ever do that?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Ugh, like those things.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: If that's all you talk about your communication, you're gonna want to stop talking.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Right, you're gonna get bored of talking.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: It's always the same things.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: It's never exciting.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: You got to take yourself back to dating and falling in love.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: You'd have conversations about this and this and the stars and fun and your passions and your hobbies and what we should try together, where we should travel together.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Like you had exciting conversations, right.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And then you go into marriage and all you start talking about is your kids, your finances, your bills, the things that need to be done.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Same old, same old crap.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: That's not exciting anymore and then you stop really wanting to have conversation because it does become kind of boring, even though it's important.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's not important, those have to be talked about.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: But you have to go out of that box of the responsibility talks as a couple and have the fun and exciting talks about goals and dreams and hobbies and each other and your individuality, and you know what I mean.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: And I love that you're saying that and I think the most important thing that kind of wraps everything up into that is like having fun day nights.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: And I will be the first to admit.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Nick's so exciting, oh babe.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: That hurt.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: No, I was just gonna say I'll be the first to admit that I don't always plan the most exciting and fun date nights, because I am Wait, you've planned a date Like a really exciting date night before Hell yeah.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I plan it every week Like you don't plan it.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: You get in the car and you're like, where should we go to dinner?
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I just say tonight's date night, hey you guys, I know that you're like why do you have a podcast?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: If you guys are promoting having fun dates, you just go do the same thing every week.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say right now that next year we're making a goal right now.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: To have more planned out fun, exciting date nights, Because we got a whole box of awesome date night cards.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: We're just kind of lazy on writing.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: But we do a lot of other fun things outside of date nights.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Amy and I like our date nights.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: For a lot of people, date nights is the only time that they get out and they get to be together.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: So, they have to make the most of those date nights For Amy and I.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: We are always doing stuff together, whether we're out in the wilderness or we're hiking or whatever it is.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Pick a ball, maybe go golf once in a while, yeah like we're always doing stuff together, so our date nights maybe aren't as exciting because we're already doing exciting things during other parts of our life and Amy's looking at me like we don't do anything exciting.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: What are you smoking?
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: So I guess Amy and I are going to have to have a come to Jesus or a heart to heart after this podcast, Because apparently no.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: So no, we're going to be.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: We're going to come up with something at the beginning of the year to make date nights more planned out, thoughtful, intentional and exciting, Not just for us, but something for other couples to help plan.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Because really it's about if you're going to put in effort, you really just have to think ahead before that night, right?
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: So all this rambling, basically the point we're trying to get at is, if you're bored inside the bedroom, it's probably because you're bored outside the bedroom.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: So try doing fun things, try spicing things up on date night, doing fun things together, laughing, and that is going to translate into the bedroom, most likely, hopefully.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: The second reason why things are bored in the bedroom is a lack of knowledge or understanding of other options that are available, and I think it's pretty common for people to be scared or maybe a little bit uncomfortable to try different things or things that they haven't tried, or new positions or whatever that is, and so they just do the same thing every time.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: It's awesome to be able to try new things, especially something that, when you both are comfortable with it, right Absolutely, and that's why you need to have those discussions and talk about the expectations that you have in your relationship and talk about you know, hey, what's your desire, what do you desire and want, or what have you thought about, and vice versa, and have those tough conversations.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: But they're vital If you can have those conversations and start being a little bit more fun and knowledgeable in the bedroom as well.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Are we giving out solutions right now?
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Sure, yeah, Well, I mean we yeah.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, we're just gonna do it right now.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: So if you get on the Ultimate Intimacy app and you go to the bedroom game which the app was created by professionals and experts endorsed by a lot of sexual and family and marriage therapists right, yeah.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: So the things in the app, they might push you a little bit.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, but remember that if both of you are okay with something, it's okay to try something, as long as both of you are okay with something.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: But sometimes you don't know if you're okay with something unless you at least give it one try.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: So the things in the app were created by professionals.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: You can actually, before you get into the game and you're like I don't want to try that or that, if you're against certain things or you've already, you're like, nope, not for me or not for our marriage you can go into the app under customize and look at the entire list of everything you're gonna do with your spouse and you can thumbs up or thumbs down those things.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: So when your customized bedroom game starts, you're only going to get what you have both picked.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: And a great way to have these conversations is to sit down together on the phone and be like yes to this, no to this.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Yes, I like this, no, I don't like this.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And talk about those like well, why don't you like this one?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Well, this is why I don't like doing this and have those conversations.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: That's the only way you can fix lack of knowledge or understanding, trying new things right, and the app isn't gonna give you anything that is inappropriate.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: But if there's something you just don't like, I mean we really tried really hard with experts to create a safe place to learn new things to try in the bedroom, without ever finding something that you wouldn't be okay with Right?
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Is that that I word that right?
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you worded it perfect and you know, continuing on with that Amy and I are now.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: We've tried things and now implement things into our lovemaking.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: That I was a.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I think we were both against before, but it is like let me just give you an idea, because they're like what does that mean For us?
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: It was just literally adding a vibrator, like it wasn't anything crazy, like we both had.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know why, but we both have some thought process in our mind for 15 years that we shouldn't bring any toys into the bedroom.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know where we got that, we both just had it, but we were both against it for a long time.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: We were very against that for a long time.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying you have to be for it or you shouldn't be against it.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: It's totally personal to you.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: But that has changed our intimate time together because it has physically helped me, physically literally changed to say it helped.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: You was an understanding.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: That's an understanding Like it changed, being intimate for me, because now it's 100%, works for me every single time and it's fast and it's used together.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: I used to think that, oh, a vibrator is just something that a woman goes in the closet or whatever and uses by herself.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: And he was against it for that reason, and I was against that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: But again, having said that, like this is something that we use together while we're making love and it has been a game changer for our relationship.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: So well, the point of that story is that because we had this thought that we would never try something like that, we missed out on a lot of years.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: And he had his own reasons, like I thought it was going to replace me or I thought it was going to take place.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I guess that's the same thing and I just don't know why I didn't want to like something more than I liked my husband, like I was afraid it would replace him.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: But having those conversations helped us come together and be like oh, it actually enhances it we can throw all those ideas that we had out of the window because we've set healthy boundaries with that and that's actually 100% helped us positively.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: So the whole entire point is like you have to be able to have those conversations and try things and then talk about them, be vulnerable with each other because they can be marriage changing when you find solutions to help your intimate life be better.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: And I would just say and with this on this part, is, if you're close minded and you're not willing to try new things, you're not willing to look at the options available or discuss these things together, you really are missing out on a lot of potentially like so much better intimacy and connection.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: And which leads us into the third thing which I think completely ties into what we were talking about, is if things are bored and things can be bored in the bedroom, if you're if there's not much of an effort by one spouse, or one spouse is not enjoying it right, if sex is just a chore and is not fun, if one spouse feels that way and I think a lot of people feel that way because they don't know what to do, they aren't trying different things, they aren't experiencing different things to try to figure out what works best for them In our relationship, like once we figured out the whole vibrator and how to use it together, that what you say that completely changed sexual intimacy to fill maybe a little bit less like oh, it's just for me.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I don't want to sit and talk about the vibrator.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: For me, being open and willing to talk and like and try it helped me understand that I don't have to be in the mood.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's where foreplay comes in, and that really, really helped me with that.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: My mind could be on other things, but if I'm physically being aroused, I can put all those on the back burner and actually focus on making love.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: That was huge and that's huge for a lot of women.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of women have like I have too much on my plate, I have too much on my mind, I can't concentrate.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: That solved that for me.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: So that started a lot of conversations for us too.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: What you're talking about is putting an effort.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: You're not gonna put an effort in anything in life if you're not excited about it, right, like I'm not excited about going to the gym, so I don't go to the gym.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to get excited about that.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, you look like you work out every day, babe.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: That's nice of you, but there's certain things that certain personalities are not excited about and it's hard to put something as a priority when you're not excited about it.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: So if being intimate is not a priority and it literally feels like another chore or another thing on your to-do list, you've gotta step back number one, realize how important it is for the marriage and for you and for your health the health of the marriage too.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: But figure out, okay, how do I make it more fun?
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: How do I make it more exciting?
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: How do I make it feel more good?
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: How do I make it last?
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: You know that good feeling that we talked about one time where it feels really good for a man for a really long time, but for a woman sometimes it's like literally those 30 seconds.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: How do I make it feel as good as you feel for me the whole entire time?
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Like, those things are possible to fix, but you have to care to fix them and it always comes back to caring.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: If you know being intimate in marriage is important, you're going to take the steps to try to make it fun again, right?
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah well, amy and I had a good conversation a while back and she says you know, like sex, the reason why I don't enjoy it probably as much as you one of the reasons is because it only feels good for such a short period of time.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: So we talked about it and we're like, oh, how do we fix that?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Well, it takes a lot of buildup and a lot of arousal and a lot of foreplay to get to that point where he's been feeling the entire time.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: That sounds like work to me and I'm tired, right.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: So as a couple we talked about that.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: We said what can we do to make it feel better for you?
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: and we figured it out.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: And we figured that out exactly.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: So it really you know you really gotta just open up and talk about those things together.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Well, hold on.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna add to that.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: I had a wife come to me a little while ago and say I've been married 25 years and I've never had an orgasm.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of you listening are like what, If she is not having an orgasm every single time, or most of the time, she's not gonna prioritize it?
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Like it's gotta feel equally good for both of you.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Like how important is that?
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Like I can't reiterate that enough.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Like, if you want it to be amazing, you have to both make it amazing.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Help her, help each other.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Well, and the best thing the couple could do, obviously, is sit down and talk to each other and say hey, here's how.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling and sit down and discuss that and say all right, how do we help with this?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: You know, what can we do, what can we try differently, and have that discussion.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Absolutely and sometimes just tapping into your sexuality.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Like I talked to a lot of women that are just like I don't know, I just I don't feel sexual.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I grew up feeling like that wasn't okay.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: I have a hard time switching my mindset at night from mom mode to sexual mode.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Like women, we have this body part that's just our clitoris is a sexual organ, like literally for pleasure.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Like once you realize I'm a sexual being too.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: I need to enjoy this too.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Like this, I can be into this as much as he is, or vice versa, like changes everything.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: Obviously, when sex is just one-sided, if there's selfishness in your relationship and sex feels like it's just one-sided, you're.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: There's no possible way you're gonna find excitement in the bedroom.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: No no, it's just not gonna happen and it's sad, but and I'm sure I understand this happens on both sides.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Obviously.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I mean it's not just a husband thing, but I do hear that from, we do hear from a lot of women that their husbands are just selfish in the bedroom and just worried about taking care of their own needs.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Now, whether this is done intentionally or unintentionally, you need to just discuss that together and talk about that.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Absolutely so.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Just coming from a woman's side, if I felt like my husband wasn't trying to take care of me and give me an orgasm every single time, I'd be like this is all for you.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: And then, all of a sudden, your mind shift, would shift this isn't for me, I'm not fully into this anymore and it's just gonna die down, right.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: Like that's natural right, absolutely, yeah, like it should be equally amazing for both people.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: And most really good husbands are saying I want my wife to enjoy it, and a lot of women we hear well, I'm tired tonight, this is just for you, let's just hurry and get it over with.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: That's not what a husband wants, right?
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: A husband does not want that.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: A husband wants his wife to desire him, desire to make love to him and to enjoy the experience.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Like that is what sexual intimacy is.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: So for the husbands out there, your goal, your number one goal in the bedroom, should be to focus on your spouse, focus on your wife and take care of her needs first.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: If you do that, sexual intimacy is going to be so much more enjoyable, because she's going to want it more.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Because it becomes then an unselfish thing.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: Right, You're serving your spouse.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: And I love.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: The last one is sex is just sex when there's no emotional connection in the relationship.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: Obviously it's going to lead to boredom in the bedroom.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Yup.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Because there's no connection there.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Sex, when sex is just sex, it's so much different, it's such a different feeling than when you're both really emotionally connected and have that, have that, I guess, bond or that special yeah.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I'm pulling up a post that I wanted to read Because it was I think I posted this like a month ago.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: But regular sex, I said, is a physical act only, an absence of intimacy, an event focused on arousal and orgasm, usually disconnected and personal.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, now I'm talking about sexual intimacy in marriage.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: This is loving sexual intimacy.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Keyword intimacy regular sex versus intimate sex.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: A loving, vulnerable experience ability to feel deeply close together, emotionally connected first and during, feelings of respect and appreciation, feeling of a deep love together, equally fun, as well as connecting for both people, not just a physical connection, but a spiritual connection as well.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Connection during foreplay and afterplay, feeling desired and cared for.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Sexual intimacy builds trust and sexual intimacy is uniting and bonding together.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: What a massive difference, right?
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Big difference, yeah, massive difference when we talk about ultimate intimacy in marriage and we focus on sexual intimacy a lot.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: Those are the things that we're trying to help every couple get to, because that's literally what I look at.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Ultimate intimacy means that you're having sex like that with that big list of feeling connected, united, emotional, spiritual, and when your sexual intimacy is at that level, that's what I call ultimate intimacy, because that already means that you have a deep foundation of emotional intimacy, because if you don't already have that and the spiritual and all those other areas of intimacy super strong, you're probably not going to be feeling like that.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: So this is kind of like what we're trying to get everyone to is like this list of if you're having amazing sexual intimacy, that's like the cherry on top.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: That's the goal.
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Every podcast we do, every single one of them, is to try to help couples Get one step closer to having that ultimate intimacy and and I think too it's it's not something that, once you obtain it, it's always there.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I think it's always something you have to keep working on, like it's a roller coaster, like there are times, in Our marriage as well, when things are just like, oh man, things could not be better.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: And then there's times, depending on what we're going through whether it's with, you know, our children or or other things in life, health related, whatever it is, you know, that can drop.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: And so Everything we're doing, everything we're talking about, is to help you, to try to try to get a glimpse or find that ultimate intimacy in your Relationship.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Then try to keep it as close to that level as you can, because really effort and maintaining.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, really, when you, when you have that ultimate intimacy and find that there's there's nothing better, True that so so just remember boredom to bliss in the bedroom really starts outside the bedroom.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Like I just can't ever reiterate that enough.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Like strong Emotional intimacy starts in the morning.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: It's the way you speak to your spouse, that's the way you touch your Spouse.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: That's the way you help your spouse, care for your spouse, speak their love language.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: It's about your conversations and the fun that you have together, and I know it sounds like, oh my gosh, this is so overwhelming.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Marriage is so hard.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: I'm never gonna get to that.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: But it's really not, it's baby steps.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: It's really just like treating, treating each other well and talking and but don't you think when you have like a real love and respect for your wife, those things Are your spouse.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Come natural it comes natural, like the people that get overwhelmed with these, like, oh my gosh, that's so much to do.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: You're you're looking at it like a list, like it really needs to be, like I just treat my spouse really really good.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: And if you're both doing that, the emotional intimacy is naturally gonna get strong without any list, right.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: And when the emotional intimacy is strong and both people are putting into the marriage, they want that passion.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: They want to have fun together, they want to go on dating and they want to get away together.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: And they they aren't okay with just having a mediocre, boring marriage.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: They want to keep that passion.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: If both people have that as the goal and they're actually working towards having passion in their marriage, I think it's so much, a lot easier so much easier to strengthen all those areas of intimacy.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: And that's really what it comes down to we always talk about is commitment and caring, like if you literally just Care to make the goal that your marriage is number one and then you want it to be amazing and not just stale.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: It just takes a little bit of effort in in a little, in little ways, right.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Totally agree.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: So for the guys out there that are like, oh I totally already forgot what I need to do, number one Connect and have fun outside of the bedroom.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: If you do that, you're gonna connect and have a lot more fun in the bedroom.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Learn about things, talk about what each other's likes and dislikes are.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Talk about the sexual intimacy and the things in the bedroom.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Prioritize sex and focus on connection.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: And even if you have to have scheduled sex, you have to prioritize sexual intimacy in the relationship.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: And that goes back to no effort by one or both spouses.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: If you're a low-desire spouse, you still have to put forth efforts, even if sex is the very last thing on your mind.
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: If it's important to your spouse, it should be important to you.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: So we're not saying you have to initiate all the time, but prioritize sexual connection Again, even if that means that you have to schedule sex together.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: I I used to think scheduled sex was the most ridiculous thing, but I.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I'm a big believer of it.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Yep Number four.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: So talk about again, talk about your sex expectations together, like we talked about, and I think the final thing is focus on your spouse's needs first.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Don't be selfish in the bedroom.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Talk about it, focus on their needs and be very unselfish in the bedroom.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And there is a reason why number one is connect and have fun outside of the bedroom, because that comes first.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah, I mean, we did.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: we did a poll pretty recently which talked about the emotional.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Was it the emotional connection first?
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: And I don't remember what the stat was, but the poll was how important it was to connect emotionally outside the bedroom first, and the majority of people agreed that.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I have to have the emotional connection before the physical.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I think even most husbands, I mean for most women emotional intimacy comes first.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Right, I think even most husbands agree with that, even though in their mind sex comes first to give the emotional.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: But I think most loving, respectful husbands know the emotional intimacy and connection has to come first.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: You're not going to be having great sex if the emotional connection is not there, just not going to happen.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: It's just going to be sex.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: So Christmas is coming.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: We have some fantastic products that you really you really need to get your spouse a gift stocking stock and stuff for.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Christmas gift.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: The best gift you can give your spouse this Christmas is yourself.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you were going to say something else.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: What were you thinking?
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Maybe I can, maybe I'll, maybe I'll rephrase it, nick.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Nick's Christmas list is coupon book, intimacy box, scratch cards, yeah that's all I need.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: I it's all he ever I need.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: I just want my wife to be intimate with me.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: That's all I want.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: I think most husbands would love that present.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: But the intimacy box that we added the Christmas box in this shop is good for husbands and wives because it has bath stuff, some spa stuff to do together, romance, romantic stuff.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: The coupon book is awesome for wives to.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: There's massages, foot massages, days off.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to say.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to say we created the coupon book, what probably three or four years ago, for us.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: And I literally asked for that for every Christmas.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Now you may think I'm just trying to sell you something that's not the case at all.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: Like literally if you don't have the coupon book, you're missing out a ton.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: It's and it's good for both of you.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: It has so many things in there for the wives to so.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: And we also have a conversation deck.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: If you don't have the app.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: We also have date night ideas.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: There's a whole box of date night ideas If you need some fun ideas for next year.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: We just have a lot of fun stuff.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: Initiating cards I think they're a great way to make a goal.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Hey, I'm going to give you an initiating card.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: The lower desires desire spouse.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: At least, I'm going to give you a card once a week.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: That's my goal for the next few months, you know, I mean it's an easy way to do it.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: You'll see a big smile on your spouse's face, that's for sure.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: So check it out.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Shopultimateintimacycom.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: If you use promo code UII app, we'll give you 10% off and three shipping in the US.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: We ship fast, Fast yeah that's right.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: So we hope you enjoyed the podcast and until next time, we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.