Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / How To Spot A Lonely Marriage | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep486

Transcript

How To Spot A Lonely Marriage | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep486 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How to spot a lonely marriage, dirty text, dick pics, and boiling over.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Stop using boundaries, guys.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: You have an apology problem.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are holding yourself back.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: What you can do or what to do when you're not having sex.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: You've never seen us in action.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: There is always something that you need to do better.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: How to spot a lonely marriage.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Morrow Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want to bring this one up because this is going viral.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I use this sentence on a piece of content, you guys are going nuts.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And today I don't necessarily really want to talk.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: We might, but I don't really want to talk about how to spot a lonely marriage.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about why are you going, why is it going viral to say how to spot a lonely marriage?
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, last episode we talked a little bit about the punchline, that you're a bit of a victim.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about this.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: When you see a piece of content and you hone in on it, so this could be a B-roll.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's like three to five seconds.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody knows what a B-roll is.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just explaining that.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, baby.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's three to five seconds and it loops around while you read the caption.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it gets a lot of views if the caption is good.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's the first one we did with How to Spot a Lonely Marriage.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like millions, I think six million views.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and every time we've done something like that with B-roll, same thing.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean six million users or followers, it means like six million times this thing is rotated around while people read the caption.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: If we look at a regular reel, it still does very well.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hundreds of thousands in the millions, different ways how to spot a lonely marriage and just giving you what they are.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Tell us how to spot a lonely marriage.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: Master Cass.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, first I want you to realize.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, I'm not gonna tell you.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I I might.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I said I might.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I prefaced that, guys.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: More important, if you're in a lonely marriage, that's why that hooks you.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you're looking at how to spot it, but you already are in one.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_02: You're just looking for validation.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: You victim.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: See, I found the punchline.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I still want to know how to spot it.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: He's laughing.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm joking, you guys.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: She's not joking at all.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: She's literally she No, you spot it when you fall for the trap and you realize that you're in it because you're falling for it.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to give a lesson.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: We can we'll go.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll go to how to spot a lonely marriage.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: But first I want to give you the lesson that I was after here.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: The lesson is simple.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: When you guys get hooked, it's called a hook.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know you just watch social media, but if you don't know, it's called a hook to capture your attention, and then we must keep you engaged so you learn something.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if you're good at what you do.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Some people, it's terrible, but that's why you guys find us.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, holy shit, they're in my home.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Holy shit.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's the point.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that you know we can help you.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you should be able to get enough from content to solve your problems.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing is it's going to be a lot slower because it's a lot of different pieces.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you get hooked by how to spot a lonely marriage, your wife's not using sex as a weapon.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: She's outgrowing you.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: These are all hooks that have gone very, very viral from me.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're nicer to everyone else than you are to your wife.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Long one.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Very effective.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's real.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: All of these are hooks that happen in our own life.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you're noticing it and you're looking at the content, you don't need to know how to spot.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're already in it.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: You need to understand the message and actually get out of it.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So please make sure that's happening.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I read your comments, that's not true.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's what Catherine said.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're looking for validation, or you're fighting to justify and defend how's that working in your marriage.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, how to spot a lonely marriage.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sixty seconds or less.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: Go for it.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, simple.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Where I like to pre- where this came from was we hired a coach.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh they're really incredible coaches.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe they're so full of shit when they talk about their marriage.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think that you can spot a lonely marriage because you can see the way that your partner looks at you.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, sorry, you're looking at other people.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you can see how they're looking at each other.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can see the level of interaction, the level of gratitude.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: So for example, when Catherine and I are out, uh like mostly, if Catherine's in full party mode, this won't quite be true.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: But in general, if Catherine and I are out, it doesn't matter who we're talking to, if we want the other's attention, we give it, we give the other like the other one gives the attention.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: We get the at the attention.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you think about um things like gratitude, this my favorite example because it's just tried tested and true.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so until I see a change at birthday parties, we're going to one this Saturday, I think.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Until I see a change at birthday parties, I'm going to continue to set the same example.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: But every time we go there and it's a pizza party, like normal, wives hand their husbands pizza, and there's not even a thank you.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: And gratitude is not about using manners, guys.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, thank you is like baseline.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: But you that if you don't say thank you, you're not actually grateful that your wife brought you pizza.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: This is like the simplest example because we see it so often.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I I maintain it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Until I see a change of birthday parties, then I am not done influencing this section because you can't even pick up lesson one.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not giving you more.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, um, there's more, guys.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed people push back on sarcasm and wit?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: We teach, I this is a lesson in my program.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I say wit as a weapon is a is a big no-no.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's something I firmly believe in.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can't hurt your spouse if you never give them the opportunity to be hurt.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we use sarcasm and wit passive aggressively, we can hurt our partner.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now, at first glance, does that mean that they are a lonely marriage?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're not they're not happy?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: But if you start to tie that to all kinds of things and you pay attention to the kinds of comments and the way that, say, the person the people I'm thinking of, the way she laughed when she poked fun at him, like she's she's calling him like out, she's putting him down.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, but I'm just kidding, though.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm just joking.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you gotta have a tough skin.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Gaslighting.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Which is but and I get it.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you we've we've had pushback on this our entire marriage, because it's one thing that we really tried to do right from the beginning.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: I suck at it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think you suck at it.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think you sucked at it for a long time.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's getting better.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's definitely harder for Catherine, but it's because it's a value that's so witty.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you can use your wit for good, which is what I would teach, and she's still learning.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm still still learning.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: But it's because it's valuable to me because I couldn't stand the way I was raised.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't stand the people in my life, friendships, and the way they would hurt people.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that that is true.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's a defense mechanism, a deflection.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, not my wife, though, she doesn't deflect.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: But um perfect.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: But the the the thing is when you see a bunch of signs that people aren't necessarily happy, right?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then you hear them with the uh the passive aggressive comments, you can tell they're a lot more lonely.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: And why I use the word lonely, not enemies or anything like that, is because if you're not connected, you'll pay attention to the next one, which is like the words.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The same man, I've listened to him influence people and talk about doing additions, and all of a sudden you get laid.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's the direct opposite of what I would teach.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that speaks volumes about doing something to get, which means I know the moment I'm talking to you and I can hear where the contracts are in place, where things are transactional, I know you're in a lonely marriage because it's impossible to love somebody with expectations of what you deserve in return.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, the line I would normally teach is I can tell when they say I love you if they just want to hear it back or if it's a show.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so if that's the case, then that's a lonely marriage.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're literally saying I love you just to hear it back.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have a contract in place.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: So there's more.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: The bottom line is this you don't need to ask that question.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to ask any of these kinds of questions when you're looking.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: You need to solve your problems.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So you should be changing the way you think about things.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why is how to spot a lonely marriage hooking you instead of how to get connected in my marriage?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that shitty that I can't put content out that says 10 ways to get connected, that you won't watch it?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You'd rather look at the content about being lonely.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's how you spot a lonely marriage.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing with your life?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: What are the things that you talk about?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: What are the things that matter to you?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I see that, I know that you don't have connection with your wife.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because we just wouldn't, we wouldn't put each other in a position where we're doing stupid shit and talking about looking at some of the things you look at.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I had a guy today, he was talking about a conversation he had with his dad.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Dad got mad about his wife mistreating him because he's really close with her dad.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I just stopped him.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Do you want to marry and fuck your her dad or what?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Well, well, no.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Well then stop fucking being your your father-in-law's husband.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where's your wife, man?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: See, like, how do I spot a lonely marriage, man?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you literally choose the wrong relationships, and I can hear it in your stories.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why would he put his wife in that position?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It is so easy because you don't ask the questions, how do I get connected?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: How do I climb over the wall?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're so busy saying she has a wall.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, fuck, man.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: Wanting to prove that your emotions are valid.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Stupid shit, man.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, I hope you got a lot of value from that.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Regardless, pay attention to the direction you're going and the kind of character that you have in your marriage.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're lonely because you're not somebody doing something correct.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're awesome, nobody's leaving you.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's not talking to you.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody's saying no thank you to sex.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you're awesome, people want to be around you, including your spouse.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.