Latest / Pod Therapy / #411: Self compassion, Stuck in a Slump, Ethical Therapy in Spanish

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#411: Self compassion, Stuck in a Slump, Ethical Therapy in Spanish · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the Mario, the original Mario hat, like, yeah, the
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: one that's the kangaroo hat when he turned around backwards.
• 0:07
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• 0:11
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• 0:25
  Speaker 3: From Thuels, Las Vegas. Pod Therapy, Real real problems and
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  Speaker 3: Therapy or email us at pot therapy guys at gmail
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  Speaker 3: dot com. Man now broadcasting from the yet to be
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  Speaker 3: some pod there.
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  Speaker 1: We were recording this one in the ancient past to
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• 0:47
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• 0:50
  Speaker 1: ever closer to my Whitney and I are both out
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: of town next weekend. How ambitious?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Interesting? Yeah, probably not together. You don't know, I don't
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: ever know my business.
• 1:00
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  Speaker 3: for just twenty bucks.
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  Speaker 1: Yep, there go. We'd really prefer you didn't, though, but
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  Speaker 1: it is up there. Might if you did.
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  Speaker 1: It's patron dot com slash therap. You could check in
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: because I'm a bad boy. I am a bad boy.
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  Speaker 1: If you'd like to hear an audio performance of us
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  Speaker 1: putting on a hat, uh dot com slash. Maybe not
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: a good We get in there and hear all of
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: us putting on a hat and being so excited about
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: a hat.
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  Speaker 2: But it did look good.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I just did look independently good. So check that out.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: We've got some great questions for today's show, and leading
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: off the order is how to do self compassion? Hello
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: doctor Jacob, Hello Pew Pew, Texas, Macho Man, Randy Tanjman,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: and hot Supple Jim Job fuck you long time their producer,
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: first time writer. The short version of my question is
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: how can I work on being more self compassionate and
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: accepting of my struggles when I've been struggling for a
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: long time and never learned how to be kind to
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: myself in the first place. For background, I think my
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: whole life, I've been somewhat more anxious than is typical,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: and my parents largely modeled coping with emotions by suppressing them.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: So I grew up without really understanding what to do
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: with big feelings. I also had undiagnosed ADHD, and my
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: primary memory of K through twelve schooling was hearing from
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: teachers that I wasn't trying hard enough, so I started
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: constantly beating myself up for being a failure. Fast forward
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: to adulthood. I spent several years as a firefighter and
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: EMT or surprise surprise, I saw some shit. I became
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: more and more anxious, both in and out of work,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: and after some particularly tough calls, I started having occasional
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: panic attacks and flashbacks while not really understanding what was
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: going on in my head. The pandemic only made things worse,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and I started working fewer shifts while also drinking more
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: frequently on nights I didn't work, which in hindsight was
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: self medication to call the anxiety in order to sleep.
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  Speaker 1: At the end of twenty twenty, my brain finally had
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  Speaker 1: enough and I started having crippling panic attacks at night
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  Speaker 1: and into the morning, which basically put my entire life
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  Speaker 1: on hold. I left my first or I left first
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  Speaker 1: response work, got into therapy, started listening to y'all, and
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  Speaker 1: have been on a wild journey of learning how to
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  Speaker 1: not just squish down all of my emotions until I implode.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I've come such a long way, gained so much in
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  Speaker 1: terms of emotional understanding and healthily coping with what happens
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: inside the brain I have, and I've outwardly accomplished a lot,
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  Speaker 1: like finishing my bachelor's degree, getting a master's, starting a
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  Speaker 1: successful side business, and working my way into a leadership
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  Speaker 1: role in my career. Shout out to Ritalin for all
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: the assists. Oh yeah, Still, though, I often go through
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  Speaker 1: periods where my anxiety symptoms put up a real fight
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  Speaker 1: against my medication and coping skills, and I feel like
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  Speaker 1: I miss out on a lot of life because of it.
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  Speaker 1: I then beat myself up, in large part because I've
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: been struggling for so long, which just amplifies the anxiety,
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  Speaker 1: and I get stuck in a self defeating loop. I
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  Speaker 1: hear that a good way to respond is with self compassion,
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  Speaker 1: but I feel so lost when it comes to actually
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  Speaker 1: putting that into practice. I'm great at offering compassion to others,
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  Speaker 1: but when I try to apply that to myself, it's
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  Speaker 1: as though I have an emotional wall that blocks compassionate
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  Speaker 1: words and gestures from myself. I would love to hear
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  Speaker 1: any thoughts you all have. Thank you for all that
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: you do. This podcast has been instrumental to my mental
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  Speaker 1: health and my life, changing me for the better. Signed anonymous.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Pronouns are he and him. Thank you. It's very nice.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: The inability to sort of give oneself praise, that's an
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: interesting thing because I mean, obviously we're all gonna recommend
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: hey try that.
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  Speaker 3: Well, not even praise, but just compassion, which I think
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: is different than praise. But just to be you know,
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: there's uh, okay, it's going to be two episodes in row.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: But golf, so golf.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: There was let me tell you about how good I am.
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  Speaker 3: Somebody ship who was it? I can't remember a professional
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: palmer that it wasn't, but your former professional golfer was
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: talking and like giving golf advice to amateurs and was
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: uh basically said to write down all of your internal
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: thoughts during the round and then afterwards read them out
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  Speaker 3: as though this person was talking to a friend of yours.
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  Speaker 1: Oh interesting, and like.
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  Speaker 3: Would you tolerate that kind of talk? Okay, because you
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: get into such a negative mindset of just be like
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: fucking idiot Okay, write that.
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  Speaker 1: Down, would you yeah, would you allow?
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  Speaker 3: Would you allow?
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  Speaker 1: Exactly?
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  Speaker 3: But yet when we talked to ourselves, we're just completely.
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  Speaker 1: Fine with it.
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  Speaker 3: It just doesn't like we don't even think about it,
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  Speaker 3: you know now that it's yeah, like I I get that,
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  Speaker 3: but it's hard to actually put this into practice, right,
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  Speaker 3: so like to recognize, yes, this is a problem.
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  Speaker 1: But how do you not do that?
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  Speaker 3: How do you create or how do you treat yourself
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: with compassion? That's a tough one.
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  Speaker 2: Do you think I was just thinking about this.
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  Speaker 4: Do you think there's value in like, uh, we kind
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  Speaker 4: of know what we say to ourselves or I feel
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  Speaker 4: like we have go tos like you just fucking idiot,
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  Speaker 4: I've said that one.
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  Speaker 2: That's even better. Good for you, Jim way to be
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  Speaker 2: above us. We just yell it ourselves.
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  Speaker 4: Just but like coming up with maybe three or four
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  Speaker 4: phrases that you tend to use the most or that
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  Speaker 4: are the most harmful, you think, and just coming up
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  Speaker 4: with when I say this, I'm now going to switch
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: to that, like come up with a dedicated statement against it,
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  Speaker 4: because I think it kind of has to be put
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  Speaker 4: into practicality terms in the beginning, especially, I mean I
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: guess it doesn't have to, but I think that makes
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: it easier to where it's like, all right, if this,
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  Speaker 4: then that So if I say you're a fucking idiot,
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  Speaker 4: I'm gonna change it to you tried your best. So
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  Speaker 4: every time I think that, I'm just gonna say you
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  Speaker 4: tried your best, idiot. So yeah, whatever that is, like,
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  Speaker 4: just find the equals because I think sometimes it has
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  Speaker 4: to be in practice where you feel it, because just
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  Speaker 4: being in the moment, you feel like a fucking idiot.
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  Speaker 4: So you're not going to think about something kind.
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  Speaker 3: You're like, no, I'm being to myself disingenuous. Yes, I'm
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  Speaker 3: just lying, you fucking idiot. Feels real, Like that's like,
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  Speaker 3: yeah I am I, I am a fucking idiot. But
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  Speaker 3: for me to say to myself like that's all right,
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  Speaker 3: everybody makes mistakes or hey, we're gonna rise above this
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  Speaker 3: or something like that just feels so fake. It's hard
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  Speaker 3: to actually.
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  Speaker 2: Said it angrily. I never thought about this.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, pretty much like makes mistakes like yell mother, because behind.
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  Speaker 1: It you're joking. But like there is some truth to that,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: like the way that this is something you'll see in
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  Speaker 1: male culture actually that there is a jovial teasing about
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  Speaker 1: one another that sometimes actually is meant to be sarcastic
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  Speaker 1: to the point of encouraging you. And like, you know,
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  Speaker 1: you'll you'll see your buddy make a mistake or whatever,
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  Speaker 1: and like sometimes you're busting as chops, but sometimes you're
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  Speaker 1: actually giving your teammate or somebody like encouragement by teasing them,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: you know, like all right, you sucked way less this week, man,
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  Speaker 1: you know, like things like that, and it's like and
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  Speaker 1: it's funny because women will hear that kind of like,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: oh my god, is that because you're kind of being
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: a dick. It's like no, in you know, American you know,
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  Speaker 1: male culture, like that was a compliment. Like it comes
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  Speaker 1: off that way too. The other guy can absorb it.
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  Speaker 1: So like, I think that there's some truth to like
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  Speaker 1: this idea of like reframing self talk a compassionate way
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  Speaker 1: that is in some way like sarcastic in oneself that's
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  Speaker 1: making fun of the fact that like, hey, you failed
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  Speaker 1: less this week or whatever. Like I guess it's not
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  Speaker 1: gonna be perfect again, you know, fuck it on, you know,
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  Speaker 1: try harder, you know, but like in this playful way,
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  Speaker 1: I think there's room for that, it's an interesting, you know,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: kind of cut on it. But something else that the
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: writer said that I think is really interesting here is
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: growing up in a family that was like emotionally inexpressive,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: didn't teach the kids how to language emotion, how to
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  Speaker 1: talk through it, how to feel it out loud. And
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: I think that that's interesting, right, because, like, on one hand,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I understand the idea that parents are not always emotionally
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: transparent because they don't want to bleed on their kids,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: and so there is like a sense of like stoicism
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: or like keep the you know, the neutrality so that
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  Speaker 1: your kids don't see you suffer. But there's also room
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  Speaker 1: for like teaching your children that you are an emotional
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  Speaker 1: human being that they are too, meeting them and having
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: them learn how to talk through what they're feeling, normalizing that.
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  Speaker 1: But I think also giving people that emotional vocabulary. One
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: of the things that a writer wrote in to the
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: show about once like really hit me. They were a
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: male and they said, this show has made such a
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: difference in my life because it is, you know, Whitney
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: excluded here men using emotional language that I didn't know
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: men knew how to use. And I as a guy,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: never had those words, but hearing dudes that I identify with,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: they seem like middle aged dudes that I would probably
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: hang out with at the bar. They're you know, bullshitting
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: with each other, They're busting balls, they make all these
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: you know, stupid ass jokes, you know, and like I
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: relate to these guys, they sound like I do, and
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden they hard pivot and integrate
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: into the way they talk about like emotions and like
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: different kinds of vocabulary and talk about like self care
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: and all the shit, and it normalizes it. And then
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: suddenly I can hear myself using those words, like now
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I have a role model or a person that I
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: can like imitate that now teaches me an organic way
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: to be that person. And I've never had that example before,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: And I think that's like one of the nicest things
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: that's ever been said to us about the show. But
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: as a male therapist, that comes up a lot is
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: you'll be talking to guys that are first responders that
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: come from different careers. They've never been in an environment
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: where another guy who they relate to speaks in that
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: therapeutic way or that self care kind of way. Or
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: normalizes that yeah, without also like being tongue in cheek
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: about it and being like, oh, don't be a little
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: bitch you dirto but like, no, it's sincerely like looking
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: at it and reframing it. So I feel like a
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: big part of this writer is finding a way to
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: language what you are feeling, because you have to overcome
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: that first hurdle of growing up in a world where
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you were never taught this. It was not a first language.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: You entered multiple cultures as a man that suppress emotional expression,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: that have this rubbed the dirt on it mentality just
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: go to the next traumatic event. And I feel like
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: that can lead to that lack of self compassion because
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: we just don't understand what we're feeling. And like that
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: ability to name it, I think goes a long way
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: to ultimately forgiving it, to healing it, to accepting it,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and to even to reframe it, like as you were
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: just saying, Whitney, and to look at this and say,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: isn't that you're failing. It, isn't that you're struggling. It's
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: that you're learning, Like you're overcoming this man, and you're
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: learning one try at a time, And like you've gotten
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: two percent better than last time. Great job, and to
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: have that not sound weird, like to be able to
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: say that because you're able to identify why was that
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: hard for you? I was really discouraging. I felt defeated
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: by this, you know. I felt like I was trying
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: so hard and I felt like I'm still not good enough,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: and like it's just it's really hard because I feel
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: like I'm comparing myself to others and I'm envious and
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I just feel less than. It's like, man, that's all
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: emotional vocabulary that a lot of dudes just not immediately
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: have access to and they're not comfortable self expressing. Like
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: if you can get that first, yeah, it starts to
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: open the door to self compassion to Yeah.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: No, I agree, And I think it's important to remember
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: too that healing is like an all over the place journey,
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: and it sounds like maybe there's a little bit of
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: backtracking going on here. You know, That's okay, that's very normal,
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: and I want to kind of, yeah, just normalize that
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: a little bit too.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: It is part of the journey. It's not linear.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: It's not just oh, I'm better now, can verbalize my
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: feelings because That's what I hear too, is you mentioned
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: like your anxiety symptoms are coming back up, or there'll
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: be periods where you feel more like panic attacks coming on,
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: And I think I wonder if maybe there's more compartmentalization
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: going on. So it's it's training you to not feel
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: your feelings and it's like the opposite of what you've
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: been trying to do. So trying your best to bring
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: those emotions back into it where you can. I know,
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: you might have to compartmentalize because I cannot imagine being
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: an emt Like, oh dude, I've just heard a couple
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: of stories from friends and it's like, oh my god, God.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Every day, every day you're showing up to somebody else's
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: worst day of their life. You know, you're just constantly
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: it's fresh horrors every single day. Horrors. I should clarify,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: the horrors are not fresh. They're not fresh, yeah, never
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: every day. The horrors that the ems interact with, yeah, yeah,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: rarely fresh. It's like being on the pier. You know,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: it's just nothing about this is good. It's the same exactly.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: The old Moody wants to be here, right, nobody wants
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: to But you know, one more thought on this too,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: is like I feel like whenever you're living with perpetual
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: and chronic anxiety, that is a big factor in this,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Like somebody with JAD, Like this is really really hard
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: because a lot of times you find yourself anxiously going
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: back over conversations, anxiously thinking about everything you just did.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Did I say something stupid? Was I off putting? Like
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: is there something that I've messed up here? And I
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: feel like that leads to a lack of self compassion
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: because there is this over analysis and like the anxious
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: brain is constantly scrutinizing down to this atomic level like
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: everything you did, everything you intended to do, and like
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: you're like watching yourself over again from like every possible
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: camera angle, and there's just so much hyper scrutiny that's
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: really fictional, man, It's like really delusional. Like our anxious
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: voice makes us do that, The anxious brain makes us
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: do that. And it's like a big part of self
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: compassion is just learning I think for me at least
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: those fundamental cognitive behavioral therapy skills where I like learn
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: how to speak back to that anxious voice and like
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: talk through it and kind of like challenge it. With
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: some of those CBT techniques, Like we've gone over in
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: our Patreon, like you can look up the Pause episode
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: where we kind of explain like a set of different
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: CBT techniques, but they're just self referencing questions that you
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: can use to like disentangle that voice and challenge its conclusions.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And sometimes, writer, that's what self compassion looks like. It
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: isn't necessarily positive reinforcement because you kind of talk about
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: like you gag on that, like it's like some barrier
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: stops you from doing that, But at least scrutinizing the
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: negative reinforcements to unravel that sometimes that's way more accessible
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: than just being a cheerleader for yourself.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: Yes, I just experienced this with a friend where they're
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: really beating themselves up for like not making more progress
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: and something they were working on. And then when I
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: was talking to her later, we're kind of like putting
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: it into perspective and like, you really only it feels
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: like you've been working on this for like six seven months,
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: but really you've only been in practice the last like
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: two months, right, and you're thinking it feels like longer.
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: But when we really look at the facts and scrutinize it, like, right,
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: what's going on? How much progress are you making two
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: months when you just started doing right, you know.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Which is a form of self compassion. You're not don't
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: smoke up your ass, YEA, qualifying the criticism and realizing
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: this is inaccurate.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: Yes, exactly, Like I'm probably on pace or at least
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: okay with like a two month window of practice rather
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: than you know, seven months or a year or whatever
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: you feel like it's been.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: So Yeah, sometimes accuracy is the goal. The compassion, that's passion.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: Because it kind of makes the playing field a little
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: more yeah, real or tangible, rather than in my mind,
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: I should be somewhere.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's good, good stuff. You're writer,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: and just really thank you for the support of the show.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Thank you for all the really kind words. It's super
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: awesome to read this kind of stuff. Great progress, Oh
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: my gosh, look at all these things that you're doing
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: and like this is wonderful, and that you're doing that
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: personal work I think is tremendous. And the fact that
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: you've been able to diagnose like yep, I was drinking,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I was self medicating, Like I've had this lifelong battle
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: but like, I've found out what works now, but I
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: still have these days where like it kind of unravels.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: But then I'm no longer squishing on those emotions. I'm
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: unpacking them, I'm analyzing them, i'm holding them, I'm workshopping them.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: That's tremendous. So the only thing you're doing wrong is
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: listening to the show.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I would not think you came four now.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Definitely not helpful, So good luck to you. There's a
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Patreon level war I send you the episode without Jim.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: There's a Patreon episode where we send you blank tape.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: You're gonna get a lot out of this.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: It's just mut He just scrubs it before he sends it,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you hear the jingle
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: sound drop. It's just the iPad. It's just silence. And
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I've been a bad bull.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: Okay, my algorithm is sending me cats that push the
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: buttons to answer.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: You're like, that's just it. It's like, worried I've been
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: a bad one.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: If we ever do a completely live streaming show, it
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: would be cool if like there was a Patreon level
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: where you get to control the iPad for the show,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Like you get to do all the drops. I don't know,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I don't even know how you do that. Nope, but
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: there's a number in which we figure it out. Sure,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about being stuck in a slump. You're
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: listening to pod therapy.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitty's scoop, Mason Miller,
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Test Miller, Piler, Tea, Harris, te Monico, Oscar swanros Anna
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Marine and McCaine Myra and Sam Coone And if you
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: would like to sposor the show become a therapy shore
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: patreon dot com slash therapy. Alright, Whitney, you're gonna start
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: off with you uh two points on the fly.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Whitney, by the way, for the second show in a row,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: is wearing socks with sandals. Good lord, I just love them.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: I can't resist, every can't stop, won't stop.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: This episode's trivia is gonna be hat themed. Oh that
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: was wow?
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: How much is.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Uh, Whitney?
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: What type of hat is famously associated with Sherlock Holmes.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: On the Fly?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Oh geez, I mean Sherlock Holmes had Who is Sherlock Holmes?
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Who is the actor. You kind of like how the
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: which actor plays double? Is it Benedict? Okay, mine is
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: a Robert Downey Jr. Oh that is definitely my homes.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: I want to say the bowler hat, but I don't
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: think I'm right.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: That's a little assistant's watson is.
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to say some I know to there. Okay, sorry,
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I thought I had to.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, options Fedora, deer stalker, bowler triply.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Jeez, well the bowlers in there, bowlers in there?
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: But you.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Tribby, what was the second one?
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Deer stalker?
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's it.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: My answer feels right, yes, wow, I need to have
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: a photo what a deer stalker has? Please show me
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: photo of deer stock sounded very oh okay, oh oh yeah,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: oh that the one that has the back.
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, it has a little sinning sand on him
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: with the magnifying glass.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's the guy. Jacob Yep, what type of stalker? Nice,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: he's got it and you got it.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Popularized in the nineteen twenties, was commonly worn by flappers.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Maybe one of the little headband father.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: Cloush trill by that odor again? Pillbox?
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Pill box? No, that's the wait, maybe it is. I
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: think it's a pillbox hat. I know that one. I've
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: seen that one. It is not it's not a pillbox hat.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Pictures of a pill box hat. Probably, Oh it's that one.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: This is like.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: Looks like a pill box.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the one. Okay, So that's not it. So
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: it comes to gym. Give me that Trillix thing you
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: keep talking about. No, damn it, Trillby hat, claush or boater. Oh,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: this is a man's hat. That's just claus Yeah, is basically.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Is it the little hat headband with the feather in it?
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Basically what's it called c l hat? You keep doing
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: your phone? Yeah, that's the one. Yea. It reminds me
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: of the Great Gatsby Okay, hat hat, But yeah, it's
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: basically just uh we're talking about a second ago, the
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: boater hat. What was that one? We're talking about it?
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: It's like a bucket had for women. Yeah, that's it.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: Here we go. Jim geography. The fez, a red cylindrical
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: hat with a tassel. I'm a famili is traditionally associated
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: with which country scoop.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Fest I'll take? Oh wait no, uh Morocco. My answer, yes, no,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: fuck you, it is Morocco Mole had a fez, You
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: racist piece of ship.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Options you Morocco.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Turkey, Egypt Lebanon.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Egypt was going to be my other guest, so I
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: but I feel like that's wrong now Egypt, Morocco.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Mole gotta be Turkey. Sorry, Chicken, the other white. Well,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: here's the picture of Morocco mole and as you can see,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: he's wearing a fez. I'll accept my two points fine.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Stuck in a slump? Hypod Therapy, how dare you like?
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: Domin you guys? Last time hipod Therapy, I was wondering
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: if you could please help me decipher what I might
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: be feeling and how to begin to slowly grow and
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: change the way I've been living my life. After a
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: recent deep conversation with my friends, I couldn't help but
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: realize that what they describe as their brief slumps is
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: how I've been living my life for at least the
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: past two years. I've just become so used to it
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: that I brush it off as laziness and never had
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: the wake up call to self reflect and change until now.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Over the past two years, I've been constantly exhausted, socially,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: withdrawing and staying home as much as possible despite intense
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: fomo and overthinking, feeling less interested in general, which along
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: with my low energy, meant I've unfortunately been neglecting my hobbies.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I'm drained every day from the smallest tasks, and it
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: eats away at me that I should be doing more
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: and studying more. I'm very behind on lectures and that
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I'm wasting my life away, yet I do nothing about it.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: While I still have my fair share of happy days
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: and things that get me excited. I feel like I've
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: become so complacent with doing and being the bare minimum
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: for so long that I want to regain some sense
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: of control of my life and actually enjoy living again,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: rather than just going through the motions with minimal effort.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: But I don't know how to or where to even begin.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: My routine general practitioner checkup and blood work came back normal,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: so I don't think it's anything physical. I just want
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: to do better. Any and all suggestions welcome. Thanks anonymous.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, do I have good news for you about cocaine.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you all. Today's show has brought to
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: life by co Coca Cola Classic are you into the
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: new waves? Zero? I like my zero calorie cocaine. How
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: socially responsible of it? That's right. I don't want I
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: don't want to pack on the pounds.
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: No, no, I wonder if part of this is just comparison, okay,
• 25:06
  Speaker 6: being of course the problem because like it is, is
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: always greener.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is interesting to think that, like even me
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: living my best life is someone else's slump. Okay, yeah,
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: like there you know, there are some really successful people
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: or you know, like I know people who are so
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: like motivated and they got ideas and they just got
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: a million things happening, and they just they're doers, right,
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: and they just they just get after it and they
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: just get things done.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: And I think of like, yeah, what, oh No, I
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: don't feel that's me at all.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm lazy.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I feel I feel he shoots three over par like
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: a joke, like what one or two? Three? That's like a.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: Older like that's not an eagle and par by the way,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: it's considered average, that's average.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the three worse than average? Yeah, yeah, exactly, thank you,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: thank you. Everybody. Not an ego, not a bogie, an albatross,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: okay or a turkey if you're browling. Yeah, so many birds.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, So you're saying like this could be a comparison thing.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: I think so everyone.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: It's always dangerous comparing, especially if you're getting news about
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: people off of their social media accounts, because then like
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: people who aren't that busy look a lot busier. People
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: who are super busy might not look busy at all. Like,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know, you're you're even if you're having conversations,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: you're just getting what people are presenting to you. Even then,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: like it's it's a dangerous game to play the how
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: am I doing compared to this other person?
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean if I'm self reporting, I'll say like,
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: oh I'm in such a slump, even though I may
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: not actually feel that way. Or who you're talking to
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: exactly the opposite. Yeah, I mean, you know, really go
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: shine shine this piece of turn up. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I think there's also something to be said for the
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: loss of novelty, like especially this person's sound like they're
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: a college student. Yeah, and whenever it's like, oh man,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: I'm just not as attentive to my lectures as I
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: used to be, Like yeah, no shit, dude, But senior
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: writis is a fucking thing. Like by the time you
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: get deeper into your program of study or into your
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: career or whatever it is in life, a lot of
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: the novelty has worn off. Like I talk to people
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: that are all the time that are like, I'm just
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: not doing as much for my kids as I used to,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: and I'm not you know, decorating my house, taking them
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: special events, or like I'm not doing all this and
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, because you used to do that, and
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: like the novelty has worn off of that, it's not
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: as exhilarating, you're not as motivated to do it. And
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: I think we're trying to normalize some of this slump
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: as a natural sort of decline, right, Like there's like
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: this kind of diminishing returns action that I think happens
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: over the course of years and doing the same subjects
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: and living the same life something does kind of give.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I think that there's like a well worn rut that
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: people kind of go into. But it's because of like
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: a worn path in the woods, right, Like you've been
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: using the same path for so long. Yeah, you're in
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: a little bit of a rut.
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's really valid. And probably probably a
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: big part of this. We do seek novelty. Our brains
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: are were seeking dopamine. We're seeking those exciting moments, and so, yeah,
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: having a routine that can definitely just feed the mundane.
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: I wonder if you mentioned, let's see being complacent doing
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: the bare minimum and you want a sense of control
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: over your life and actually enjoy living again. My favorite
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: question to ask people when they kind of are in
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: a similar mindset or they're trying to think of like
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: I just want my life to be better, but they
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: can't like quit quite put their finger on it, is
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: I really like to go the miracle question or some
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: version of that from solution focus therapy, because it helps
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: me get a better idea of what would be different
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: in their lives.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Asking the miracle question because the audience does.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So the.
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: Miracle question is basically some version of like, oh, if
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: you went to sleep tonight and a miracle happened, but like,
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: how do you know a miracle happened?
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: You know, you were just tripping balls from that acid
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: you took.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: It feels different.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: But every morning at Jacob's house, every morning he wakes
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: up and Angel flutters away from his bed and He's like,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: was that one real? I don't know, you're describing the
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: same thing.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: If you think a miracle happened, didn't It'll be.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, so what happens from when you open your eyes?
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: What do you notice? What do you see? What do
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: you feel? What are you noticing around you?
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: What is different from your day to day now that yeah,
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: basically and so so some people will like, oh, we
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: can't help that.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: Sorry a pianist speech problem, speech.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: You think?
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's hung like a huge.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: But yeah, so the miracle question can help me and
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: the the client I'm working with, like get an idea
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: of what would actually be different in your life. And
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: a second thing that I've started to find really helpful
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: with clients is a lot of times we work backwards.
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: So what are you know seeing? Oh at night, I'm exhausted? Okay,
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: what did you do during the day? Okay, well, like
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: you woke up that morning, how late did you sleep?
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: And like, oh I keep snoozing my alarm? Okay, well
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: what happened the night before? Like we kind of just
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: go backwards and work through their day, and a lot
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: of times that will help them gain insight into maybe
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: like you not getting what you want done that afternoon.
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: Isn't about like well power during the day. Maybe you
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: like need an extra hour sleep, And what's keeping you
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: from getting that extra hour sleep? Is it because you're
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: a new parent. Is it because you're on your phone?
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: Is it because your partner snores? Like what's keeping you
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: from getting what you need to then have a little
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: more capacity to maybe do what you're wanting to do
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: throughout the day.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: So I like that now. I like that working backwards
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: saying I really like the point about the miracle question
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: because I think we have to define this stuff because
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: a lot of people come into therapy and will just
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: describe like a general malaise to be like, I don't know,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I feel apathetic. I feel like I'm driving on flat tires,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: and like that's important to me, Like, you know, your
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: emotional state is important, and I want a monitor for
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: things like depression. I want to but I also want
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: to figure out what it is, like if the problem
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: is I feel low and that lowness and that disinterest
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: is manifesting into the actions of my life, and here's
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: how I can measure that that works better for me,
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Like I want to know what you're doing differently if
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, last semester, I took this class and
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I read every page of the book, and then I
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: took the test. This semester, I only watch the lectures.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I watch the video on two X speed, I wing
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: the test. I used to strive for an A plus.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Now I'm totally fine with a B. And I move
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: on what's wrong with me? I want to again, I
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: want to start to my first point about I think
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: you may just be optimized. Like I think that you
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: may have just become really efficient at go through these
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: woods and finding all the shortcuts. You're no longer exploring
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: with this, like you know, interesting zeal and curiosity every
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: single page, Like you've just become sort of like into
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: a routine of it. It's lost novelty. And I don't
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: know that there's anything wrong with that, though it can
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: be underwhelming because it's so familiar, it's not fascinating anymore.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: So I think that that's part of it. But like,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I'm still open to the idea
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: that like a person's in malaise, they're having apathy, they're
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: feeling low, how do we dial into finding motivation? And
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: this is something Nick that especially as we get to
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: close out twenty twenty five and we start looking into
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty six. A lot of times in the first
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: quarter of twenty twenty six, especially in personal training, this
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: is what a lot of people are like starting to
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: ask exactly that question. Like they're going through those winter months,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: they've kind of got settled into this complacency. They feel like, man,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: I've allowed myself to become a slump. I've allowed myself
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: to like get into bad habits. I've put on my
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: winter fat. There's that, you know, I've I've found this
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: winter beefiness, and I want to shut the pounds or
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I want to regain health. But I think a question
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: that a lot of people wrestle with is I recognize
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: that I mentally want to see this change, but stirring
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: myself to action, how do I go from the couch
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: to the gym? How do I go from complacent into motivated?
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: That's a big question I think a lot of people
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: have to start with before they can get into the
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: gym and sign up for a program that you're doing
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: or do anything in life.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: Well, I think it's like it's not even just like
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: the gym, but like anything that you're going to do
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: or practice or learn. It doesn't become motivating until you
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: start to see results. And oftentimes you don't see the
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: results right away right, you know, or they're not really
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: meaningful results. And that could be anything from yeah, like
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: getting in shape, or learning in instruments, learning a second language,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: learning something.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Like that, proving your grades and a career.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: And oftentimes it's like the motivation increases exponentially at first,
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: and then you reach a plateau or even dip down
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: because like you know, like I mean, I remember learning
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: how to play guitar for the first time, and it's like,
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: you know, the first thing I learned was something really
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: really really simple, like one string, being able to put
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: together a few notes to play Maryhead a little lamb,
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: and it's like, oh, really quickly, I can just do that,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: you know, you learn that in five minutes, you know,
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: And then it's slowly you learn a little bit more,
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: and then it becomes more motivating. But then all of
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: a sudden, shit gets really difficult and complicated quickly, yeah,
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: and then it's like, oh, now I have to work
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: really hard, and I'm not seeing the results as quickly
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: as going from zero to ten you know, it's a
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: lot harder to go from ten to twenty. So I
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: think that's the challenging part. And for most people it
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: really comes to just you have to kind of create
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: a pattern of behavior. We're no longer you no longer
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: look at it as like an option, like, oh, should
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: I do this thing today or should I not? It's
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: just like, okay, well it's six pm. This is when
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: I do this thing.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: It's like a program.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is this is just when it is.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, especially when you're starting it, when you're when you're
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: getting into that habit, it's just gonna feel like work. Yea,
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: it is, absolutely and it will be joyless and you're
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: not technically motivated for it, which is an interesting, I
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: think thing. A lot of us. I think, feel, why
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: can't I summon the motivation to make this change? And
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: I kind of hear you saying the motivation will arrive
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: after action, Like it starts with a choice, and it
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: starts with deliberate action, and then motivation will arrive as
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: you see the results and as you get to experience
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: the exhilaration of something changing, then you'll feel more motivated
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: to go. It'll feel more downhill, but in the beginning.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: It's an intentional choice, and it's designing a program that
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: you're going to follow and then methodically routinely doing that,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: which I can really sum up what Jim just said.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: It would be fake it. So you make it. Oh
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: there it is there. It hasn't been a while, it's
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: gotten a classic.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is clos.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: This is also where you know, real life is so
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: much different than video games because video games have this
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: ship figured.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Out well, not like the SIMS. The SIMS is real life.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: But like if you're playing a new video game, like
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: they've got it scaled perfectly.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Right, so they always skill level is matching.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: It's always matching. The reward is always matching your skill level.
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: Like they got it down to a science. So they
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: keep it very addicting.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: They've just learned how to jump and wouldn't you know
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: it this boss you jump on his head.
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: Yes, and then the next level is all about jumping, right,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I mean, and that's yeah, it's a challenging.
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: There's no easy solution to that.
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: There's no easy I think that's still based out of
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: comparison to though, because you know, I think we watched
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: people on the internet or TV and we they just
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: love working out every day. They never never not love
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: working out because look how fit they are and how
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: easy it is. And it's like, know what I hear
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: the most common is like, hey, this has just become
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: a habit for me to where yes, I am addicted
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: to those visual like results as well, but that doesn't
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: mean I want to go to the gym every day.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: I know we've said it in here before two.
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: But I think it's just a really good reminder because
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: we are flooded with like people trying to sell you
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: shit and like just suck you in and it's like, look,
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: come give me your time, give me your money, and
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: look how happy I am. You can do this too,
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: And it's like, no, it's not, that's not reality. Reality
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: is boring and like just.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: Getting into a habit, yes, just getting yourself into a habit.
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I know, like you know there, I've heard
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: professional golfers say this. I'm sure it's probably the same
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: for professional musicians, where they're not always just doing it
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: and having a great time.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: A lot of it is like I gotta do.
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: This, you know, I have to always think this for
• 37:57
  Speaker 4: like singers or you know, famous people like are they
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: just sick and tired of singing that song against God?
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: They're so sick of that song, whatever song it is like.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: That, or even like just being a male model and
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: just being really really really ridiculously good looking. You know,
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: it's like, oh, we know, yeah, we know, yeah, we
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: all know all you and I know I'm not ann
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah I can't turn that. Yeah, but you know, writer,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: another thing in this that I think, I think another
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: thing too that goes along with this is sometimes like
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: you were saying, Nick, and I think you know, as
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: Jacob said, better fake it to you make it. There's
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: another piece of this which is accountability, you know, and
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: support that sometimes somebody bearing witness to this and and
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: holding you accountable, checking in on this, measuring this alongside
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: of you is actually really helpful, which is why a
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: lot of people. Yeah, they could go do their own
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: push ups, they could go to the gym and figure
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: it out for themselves. But something about this arrangement where
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: they're partnering with somebody that's monitoring them, it's coaching them,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: that's pushing them, that's following up on them. It goes along.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: I will meet them at eight o'clock, right, I have
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: an appointment at eight o'clock. Another human is involved, whether
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: I want to do it or not. I'm paying for it,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I'm in I'm obligated to do this, And there's always
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: those options everywhere in life. Writer, could be signing up
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: for a study group, you know, if you're a student,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: it could be signing up. As we talked about another
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: episode recently about how to Learn Better, Nick, you had
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: shared that you sent a first out of a group
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: in which you taught the material, and like that that
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: forced your hand. You had to learn it really well
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: because you didn't want to let these other people down,
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: and you obligate yourself. So sometimes, Writer, there's a novelty
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: in changing something and signing up for something and adding
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: accountability to the journey, as Whitney said, in it atomically
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: deducing what the changes are in a visible way that
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: you want to see, as Jacob said, faking it until
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: you make it so that you can start with that,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: as Nick said, building the routine and committing to the
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: action before the motivation arrives, allowing them to motivation to
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: come secondarily. But too many people fail to act because
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: they're waiting for motivation to descend upon them, Like some
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: dove from the sky. It's like they'll it'll arrive one day.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: And actually, no, I don't think that's the case. I
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: think a lot of people don't be like start off
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: as the warrior. They just fucking stormed the beach, screaming
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: and crying and dodging bullets, and they become the warrior
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: in the war because the situation calls for it. You
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: just you rise to the challenge that you throw yourself upon.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't just like fall from the sky onto you.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: This is life, not a boukcocky video. Oh there it is. Yeah.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: And then that's actually a famous pod therapy bumper sticker
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: that I think fred obviously Freud.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there was a hockey analyst I remember watching back
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: in the days, Like I remember watching games and they
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: were talking about, you know, somebody was talking about like
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: a garbage goal, like somebody scored a goal is like
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: just a complete fluke, you know, it just happens, you know,
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: And somebody would say something about, oh, that's just a
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: lucky goal. But he would always cracked them. He'd be like, well,
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: he's like, no, luck is when preparation meets opportunity, right.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: This person was there they were in the right spots.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: They needed the puck to bounce the right way, but
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: it did, but they were ready for it. Yeah, you know,
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: so you may say it's lucky, but you know, it
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: was an opportunity that presented itself to somebody who was
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: prepared to.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: I do lastly, just want to throw in there, think
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: about talking to a doctor. I mean, if it's been
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: like two years you've had this kind of like low lying.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Depression, like the regular blood panel doesn't test for it,
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: it doesn't picking.
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: Yes, I think that's worth talking to a doctor about.
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: If you're just really feeling that lack of motivation, talk
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: to your symptoms, talk about your symptoms to them and
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: see what they say. It doesn't mean you have to
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: take the medication, doesn't mean you have to go fill
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: the prescription.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: But just talk to them what they say. And I
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: don't know, I think that's valuable.
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: Here a good follow up point. Yeah, because you didn't
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: say how old you are. It sounds like you might
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: be in college, but we don't know. But yeah, you
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: could like you might have like you might have like
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: low T or something that's gonna As for that inject
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: a turkey based your amount of horse semen into your
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: fucking things like just you know, drop, yeah, just that's
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: it fun, God damn it. So you got that going
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: for you. We're gonna take quick break and when we
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: come back, we're gona talking about therapy in Espanol. You're
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: listening to pop Therapy.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: Today's episode is brought to you by Sky Scoop Mason, Miller,
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: Test Miller, Miler, Teen, Harris, Teen, Monaco, Oscar Swans, Anna, Marie,
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: Emma Kine, Myra and Sam Cone. And if you would
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: like to sponsor the show, become a therap producer Patreon
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: dot com. Alright, here we go, Whitney, Whitney, I'm gonna
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: scroll down, scroll down the show.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not editing.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: Sorry, no you shouldn't either, Okay, just stalling, all right, Whitney.
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: You're going to get an easy one easy and that
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: if I get like, if I get it wrong, the
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: traditional military beret is tilted in which direction is it tilt?
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Let's see, So when.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Did the guy who was running for New York mayor
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: was he wearing his beret tilted in the correct direction?
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: Because I know which direction he was wearing it.
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: Okay, here's my guess, because i heard once from a
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: guy in the Marines that when they salute it's like
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: to lift your hat or.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: Something like that. I think it's to the right.
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's my guess, correct, nice? All right? Yes, yes,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: I remember that scene in The Last Castle with Robert Redford,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: and he explained that that's what the salute was, is
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: that knights used to lift their vis to show their
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: face to their opponent as a form of respect. What
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: you could do with your left hand, Yeah, but that's
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: the hand you wipe your ass with.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. You don't want to do both. Yes, fifty
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: to fifty, baby, So.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: You got that one. I'm stalling for you, all right, Jacob,
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: there you go.
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: Some of these are way way, way too easy.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: Save those for Jim. I need that toss those Jim's way.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: This is why you shouldn't make it up.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: Well, I gotta do this.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: Jacob's dying, Jacob is the best part.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: Of the show. Jacob. I think you probably already know
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: this one, Okay.
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: The tall shape of a chef's toke hat was originally
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: meant to show what.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: The shape of the along their penises.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Don't give it away. The shape of the top of
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: their head. The horribly elongated head shape chefs have. All
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: chefs are horrible deformitive. The heat the ovens misshaping their head.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: It feels taller the longer they've been shoving.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: I think, are there options for this? Or is just
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: off the off the fly? There are? But I think
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: you know this, chef, I want to be overthinking this.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: Then maybe are because I think each fold in the
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: hat it has to do with a like a cooking discipline,
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: oh that they have mastered. Oh wow, Although I might
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: be making that geese, is that is that the right direction?
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna give you full points, Okay, okay, okay, because
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: I think what you're saying is just a different way
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: of saying rank and experience. Yes, oh wow, And that's what.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: That's means, is about the Oh I thought you said?
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: Well, it did say folds looking.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: For his foreskin. It folds down over the hats to
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: expose the shaft, the shaft, which is yeah, that's what
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: I said, the shaft shaft, talking about shaft? Can you
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: dig it? All right? Someone's gonna read a question. I'm
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: just gonna take the l I just don't care.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: Why do police officers in the UK wear domed custodian helmets.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: Protect their skulls.
• 46:51
  Speaker 6: I think that's what it is.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: It's bobby hats or whatever the they wear. Yeah, it's
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: just to protect their head. Let's do that. Three these suck. Yeah,
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: construction worker hat. You see the curvature of the hat
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: reveals experience and wisdom.
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: You're an electrician. You have more folds and wrinkles on
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: your hat anch faults on the head. I have officially
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: exhausted all hat trivia. Who I think we can move
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: on from.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: It all right? Next question is therapy in Spanish? Gerida,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: you do say Whitney bombastico, jcob stoico, Nick, sono tiempo
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: e final minte iona though, fuck it, I'll read it
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: in English for you idiots. Dear sweet Whitney bombastic, jacob
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: stoic Nick and supple gem. I've been a long time
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: listener and have finally raised supple yes and she transplated.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: I believe to fly Spanish, and I have finally raised
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: a big enough erection to send in a question. I'm
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: a bilingual graduate student studying to become a therapist, licensed
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: clinical social worker, like Whitney, specifically so I can serve
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: Spanish speaking communities in my area. Recently, something happened that
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: has me furious and questioning whether I should file a
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: formal complaint. A client juicy, here comes the tea or,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: as they say in Spanish, l tay. A client from
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: our local Spanish speaking community needed a mental health evaluation
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: in therapy. They found a therapist whose profile claimed they
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: were bilingual. When the client arrived for their appointment, they
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: discovered the therapist wasn't actually speaking Spanish. They were reading
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: responses off of Google Translation. I'm shocked and hurt for
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: the client. They were already vulnerable seeking help, and they
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: were treated with what feels like complete disregard. The client
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: has growing suspicions of future therapists, and there are mental
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: health issues that continue to go unresolved. This therapist advertised
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: a skill they didn't have, presumably to expand their client
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: base and income. Using a translation app for therapy isn't
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: just inadequate, it's dangerous. It's as if this ignorant succubus
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: of a rhinoceros anus forgot that therapy requires nuance, cultural competence,
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: and genuine human connection. I know private practice can lack oversight,
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: but this feels like a clear ethics violation. Am I
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: right to be this angry? Do I have grounds to
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: report this therapist to their licensing board? Or is this
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: one of those gray areas where technically they didn't break
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: a rule even though they clearly caused harm. I'm struggling
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: between my rage at this injustice and wanting to take
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: appropriate effective action. Thank you for your time and consideration
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: of putting six inches of corn fed throbbing brought worst
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: in Jim's waiting orifice. Pew pew, mother truckers with rain, Yeah,
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: and compassion. The offices of counselor and counselor parentheses, My
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: partner is in the legal profession, and how that explains
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: the counselor and counselor bit I just wondered about that.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: Not enough to ask this is wild?
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: Wow, that sucks Like that is Danish. This is even
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: a question about therapists, ethics or anything. This is This
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: feels like just a question of false advertising.
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is completely misrepresenting your skill set by that rationale.
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: I'm also multi lingual, Yeah, all the languages I speak
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: Morse code, yeah, I speak Braille, I speak Egyptian Hyrid lifts.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: I mean if just being able to look something up
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: on the fly is expertise. I'm also a neurosurgeon, right exactly.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: And it feels very exploitative, like.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: It certainly is disrespect full is the right word, right
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: the writer you said disrespectful dangerous to the culture.
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: To like a culture of people like what are you
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: gonna do an in therapy with like if that was
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: just the assessment or the first session, like what what
• 51:13
  Speaker 4: are you doing?
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Like oh my god, can you imagine doing this in
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: a medical appointment, like I mean, and just like the
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: disrespect of that to say, like, oh, yeah, we speak
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: Spanish at this office, like great, so you go you
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: make the appointment, you go in and this person just
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: speaks Spanish and they're finally working up the courage to
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: tell you about their health, very nuanced things about what
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: they're going through, and you're sitting there Google translating that shit.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: You're like holding your phone to their face and then looking.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: At it being it seems to be some kind of
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: rash in this place, like great, it's like that it
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: is way too nuanced, Like that is so dangerous to
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: do in healthcare?
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. You know what, though, I like this
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: question though, because yes, it's shocking to hear it. It
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: does tap into an area where you're like, right, okay,
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: I guess literally, it's not written down, don't use Google Translate.
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: We just it's like anything else. We didn't know there
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: needed to be a rule. Okay, I guess now there
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: needs to be a rule because somebody fucking.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: For a long time we were having casual sex with
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: our clients, and then a couple of therapists sucked it
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: up for everybody having formal sex. Yeah, if you keep
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: it on the friendship lefton, it's fine. Don't wear a
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: tuxedo business casual sex. The cardigan was enough.
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: I think you absolutely report the report it. I mean
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: they'll investigate if.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Because what they're kind of asking is like, if I
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: report this is something going to come off it? Right? Yeah?
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like the way is to leave a review.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: That's that's a good move. How do you, okay, curious?
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: How how do we feel about if you know a
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: colleague has done something like this and you you want
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: them to learn about it. Do you are how comfortable
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: are we just calling the colleague and saying, hey, I've
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: I've become aware that you sometimes do this I think
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: your heart's in the right place. I think you're trying
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: to do something good in the world. I speak this language,
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: I am part of this culture, and I just want
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: to fix your blind spot. Here about how my phone
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: call would sound. My phone would be like, not really
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: doing this? Are you what you were doing this? Mother? Stupid?
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: You can't really be doing double dare you?
• 53:24
  Speaker 3: My client told me you were doing this. I said, no,
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: there's no way, this fucking stupid. You're not right, right,
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: I think, just tell me, tell me you're not lie
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: No, I think like, yeah, if you.
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: Were doing this, Jim, and I heard this from other clients,
• 53:42
  Speaker 3: I would reach out to you and I'd say, hey,
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: take this off your website, right, this is this is
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: what this this is how this happened.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: That's you're saying. If yeah, you know, but not somebody
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: you know, just through the through the grapevine.
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: No, if it's somebody that I like, a new client
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: that said hey, my last therapist and you don't know that.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: You that's what I'm oh.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, No, No, if it were you and the same thing,
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: I would reach out to you. I'd say, Hey, that
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: was somebody they told me this is what happened. I
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: looked at your website it says this. If that's what happened,
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: take this off your website because as a friend, I'm
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: warning you this is not going to go well right
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: if you don't, if you fix this yourself.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: The answer to the questions and would an idiot do this, Yes, yes,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: an idiot would do. But you wouldn't give them a
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: heads up? What if?
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: What if?
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Why? I don't owe them? I think there's an interesting question.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: If it was not Jim, it is a colleague of
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: gyms that you don't know. So it is the colleague
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: of a colleague, so you have access to them. You
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: can get word to them.
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: If if Jim supervises the person, I would talk to Jim.
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: If it's just Jim, not I probably wouldn't say you.
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: I don't I don't think I oh, I don't think
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: I have I don't owe anybody that obligation. Here's the
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: other thing too, The client can report it like the
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: client can go directly to the boord. I don't have
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: to be involved at all.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you could just tell them this is the number
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: you need to call and say something.
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: Yep, you need to let these people tell these people
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: what you just told me, because this is not okay. Yeah,
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: And I you know, I know colleagues who speak There's
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: one person particularly I can think of that speaks fluent Spanish.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: She in college, did like a semester abroad in Spain
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: and just live there and speaks.
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: It very well.
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I asked her once, It's like, oh,
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: have you ever thought about, you know, doing private practice
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: because there's a lot of people, there's a big need
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: and you've got this amazing talent, like you could be
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: doing this.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: In Spanish.
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And she's like no, no, no, She's like, I
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: can communicate Spanish, I can't do therapy in Spanish.
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: Ah, there you go.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: And she made a really good point that, like that's
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: a different thing. That's not just because you can speak
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: Spanish and you can, you know, don't that does not
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: mean that you can do therapy.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that is so true.
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Like knowing the culture I think Whitney said earlier, like
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: knowing the culture of of of a group that may
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: or may not speak a language, like that's that's going
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: to be important.
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: That's big.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: So I think we all universally agree with the writer
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: and still hung.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: Up on who's telling.
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: Her. The only reason why I think it does get
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: a little bit more nuanced, so like, and the only
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: reason this is fresh in my mind is because I
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: just taught classes where we had to go through the
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: ethical codes, and like, one of the things that's in
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: the NBCC code and in the ACA code. I just
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: looked it up. It's also in the social work.
• 56:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I was looking that up again because social workers
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: have some of the strictest cards.
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: But they didn't say that the other person was an
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: l C s W.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: I don't think they didn't, but yeah, but the codes
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: are pretty harmonious across the codes. They they all basically say,
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: if you a professional become aware of another professional's malfeasance,
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: your first step is to contact that professional directly and
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: try to front them on it and talk to them directly.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: So the code doesn't want you to immediately go to
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: a board. The code doesn't want you to entangle the client.
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: The code wants you to go one to one to
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: the other human because you're both gatekeepers of the professional.
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: That's that's the official to do. That's, yeah, the official
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: to do.
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: Matous I thought it matters how like egregious the action
• 57:34
  Speaker 4: was or.
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: Not It does depend on howgregious. It's like you're sleeping
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: with sleep, Like, hey, sleep, you're running a criminal that
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: you're wearing a tuxedo. You're ruining this for all of us.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: Up you know the code? No, but then right, I
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: would encourage you. I would encourage you to look up
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: the code that your state requires. You know, it's probably
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: the social worker you know ethics code. But at least
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: from what I'm reading, there is a pretty clear line
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: that says, look, one of the steps that we want
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: you to do is to contact the other professional. Which
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: I think Nick's agreeing with me. He's just saying, like, look,
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: I would much I'd do that much more comfortably if
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: I knew the other professional. I don't want to just
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: call this other person out of the blue and say hi.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: But also, I think you're in a weird position because
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: you also do gate keep the profession a little bit
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: like you're also part of the training teams and like
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: the inspection teams. So I could see a situation where
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: for you it could be a weird conflict of interest
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: of like, am I calling this person as a fellow
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: licensed counselor and we're both peers because I also adjudicate
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: their program, and so like, am I calling them as
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: an authority figure? Then I feel like that's a little
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: out of range. I shouldn't just be doing that, like
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: you know, because now I'm overstepping out of my authority.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: So I could definitely see for you where that would
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: be a conflict. But I think if you see this
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: other professional just as a peer, you're not an authority
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: position over them. From what I'm reading in the codes,
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: I think there is a strong argument that says you're
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: within your rights and your within best practices to first
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: contact them. Yeah, And in the scenario, I would contact
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: them and say I'm a member of this culture, i
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: speak this language, I'm studying to do this, or I'm
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: a future professional. I am concerned because it sounds like
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: you're doing this. I don't think you realize where there
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: are harms. I don't think you realize why this is bad.
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: And if that's in the Code of Ethics, which sounds
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: like it is, then I definitely agree with that. Then
• 59:23
  Speaker 3: that's the right step. I mean, it's pretty much written
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: down for you that's what you need to do. Now,
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: if I'm reaching out to that person, I wouldn't make
• 59:30
  Speaker 3: it about me. That's where I would do it differently. Okay,
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: so instead of saying like, well I'm learning this or
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: I speak this language, and like I wouldn't even bring
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: it about me because it has nothing to do with me.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: The problem is is you're advertising that you do this
• 59:42
  Speaker 3: skill and you don't do this skill, right. You need
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: to fee the internet does this skill. You are not geminos.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you are not judging people well.
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: And that one has an easy follow up.
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: You're like, hey, remove this from your site or as
• 59:53
  Speaker 4: an option, and you can go check a week later
• 59:55
  Speaker 4: or two days later and see if they removed it,
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: like versus other things.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: Are you s know your clients still?
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: Right? You never know? I sometimes get involved in this,
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: Like on the Therapist of Las Vegas book page, there
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: will be people that will post like some pretty I
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: think pretty bad therapists have their own neighbor. It is
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: so I am the karenist Karen of this whole fucking Yeah.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: Like some people post on there like that they do
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: whatever psychedelic therapy or whatever the fuck, and like I'll
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: try not to put them on blast in front of everybody.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: I'll usually try to DM them. This is the about
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: a law on this topic. You probably shouldn't be advertising
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: that you do this. You're admitting to doing a class.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: De fellon me like this is a bad idea, and
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: that you're also teaching all of our interns and all
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: the other people in the community that this is an
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: okay thing to do. And so I'm about to get
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: on here and blow your ass up for public knowledge
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: so that nobody imitates you. Or you can go delete
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: this right now and think about what you've done. And
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: a lot of times they say, go fuck yourself, Jim,
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: and then I get on there and then now we
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: have a fucking flame war.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: So no, I've had a friend who's like, hey, I
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: saw your podcast posted on therapists.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: It was when you're asking for like I was like,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, oh yeah.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I ran into one of them the other day. Did
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: you one of the people that you brought on whenever?
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Was it when they were were Yeah, it was Janet
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: and uh yeah, we had two other guests. Yeah, it
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: was one of the other two. Okay, very cool guy. Okay,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: there you go, Jared doctor Jared. Yes, great guys. Yeah,
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: we had the other night he came and saw absent.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: The other night he came and saw it with another
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: an old friend of mine. You recognized it. He recognized
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: all that, Okay, I recognized.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: Shocked.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: I was like, Jacob, Yeah, that's so cool. What a
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: small world. That's awesome. As listeners, you can go back
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: in our previous episodes. I have no idea what number
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: it is, but we had an episode where Nick and
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: Whitney were out of town and recruited three other therapists
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: to stand in for them, and it was lovely and
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: they had great answers to the questions and they all
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: have different areas speciality, which was really a US back,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: so that was good. Yeah. Yeah, I decided they stopped
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: returning my calls and so here we are. Also Nick
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: legally owns the show, so there's not a lot about that,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: so he's just here. But anyway, writer, you're on the
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: right side of injustice on this your outrageous perfect Yeah,
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: you're you're right. And also, I think this is a
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: great teachable moment to a lot of other people who
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: they'll talk themselves into thinking they're doing something good, like
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: they're oh, I'm helping this underserved population. I'm just using technology.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: But there is such a fundamental chasm of understanding when
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: you do speak time that. Yeah, you can put that
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: on your website. We have translation. I use technology for translation. Yeah,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: if that's okay. Yeah, they'd be fully informed.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: They have to know that that is true before we
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: start this.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we use artificial You can't say we are bilingual.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah it is. We have chat GPT.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is what is known as informed consent.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's the whole fucking idea. You informed them. Also,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: you're funneling our entire session through AI. I don't know
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: how I feel about that. Chat GPT is being indicted
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: by the New York Times. There required to save all
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: their files.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: Like I just thought it was like Google Translate.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: I think they just said to Google. I wonder to
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: what extent is that hippoco Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of good questions here, but
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: you're on the right side of the issue. Writer. Yeah,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: I would encourage you, if it's something you could, you know,
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: feel comfortable doing, going to your colleague directly or anonymously
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: and just saying, hey, look, you're advertising you do this,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: you don't, and that's dangerous. I think you should stop.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: And I'd like to follow up in the future and
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: make sure you're not doing this anymore.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 4: Whatever.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: Stop.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: Let's just ask to what extent are you hippo compliant.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: You can't just ask the internet that man to write
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: to you speaking French. If a doctor says they are
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: bilingual on their website and they are in fact not bilingual,
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: is there a legal or ethical issue with that? And
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: uh and yeah, it's a lot of stuff. Yeah, there's
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: a lot of answer is yes, yes, it is not good.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: But before you go to a board, I do think
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: that the correct ethical thing to do is to talk
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: to them directly. You are a fellow gatekeyp of the profession.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: We are meant to be a self regulating healthcare discipline,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: so regulate. And that's exactly what the Board of Examiners is. Regula.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: I knew if I regularly dark. Yeah, we're gonna take
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: quick break. I think we're out of hat trivia, right, Yeah,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: we gonna take quick break and then come back and
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: wrap up the show. We're out of the business of hat.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: We were out of hat trivia. Two breaks again. Today's
• 1:04:28
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  Speaker 1: Unless you were wearing the cowboy what is this? You
• 1:06:46
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• 1:07:05
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• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: on Facebook and blue Sky, and don't forget that all
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: the ex good is at patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: Do you want to submit a question to the show,
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 3: You can ask anonymously at pod therapy dot next, email
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: us at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com, or
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 3: click the link in the episode description to be taken
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 3: to our anonymous Google form.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: I'm an next tangement, I'm Jim.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: It will see you different kind of cowboy. I watched
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: The Three Amigos. I am a bilingual cowboy. Goodbye everybody. Davis,
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: you mean your gun? Yeah bye everybody,