Latest / Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor / How can I prepare for a difficult conversation at work?
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: How can I prepare for a difficult conversation at work?
- 0:05SPEAKER_00: So I think the most important thing to check in with yourself on is your expectations of the conversation.
- 0:12SPEAKER_00: Quite often we can build these things up like mountains into our, you know, in our minds.
- 0:17SPEAKER_00: It's going to be really difficult or they're going to get defensive or I'm not going to be heard and things like that.
- 0:24SPEAKER_00: So it is important not to anticipate a negative outcome.
- 0:29SPEAKER_00: That's number one.
- 0:31SPEAKER_00: Number two, there are some grounding techniques you can use if you're anticipating having a difficult conversation.
- 0:37SPEAKER_00: So just before you see the person or you go into the office or the room or whatever it is, and you know you're going to have to have that conversation.
- 0:45SPEAKER_00: Um just if use a sweet or chewing gum or something to get your your your saliva glands going, which is signalling to the body that you're relaxed, you're not in fight-flight freeze, you're more towards the rest and digest state.
- 1:01SPEAKER_00: So you it's a very grounding regulating thing, even without science of it, you know, it's it's just something else that your body's doing in the background, so you're not fully um got concentrated on your or your worry, if you like.
- 1:17SPEAKER_00: Another good way is colour breathing.
- 1:19SPEAKER_00: So before you go in, choose a really calm colour, breathe it in all the way down to your belly, and then when you breathe out, you're releasing a really stressful colour of worry.
- 1:31SPEAKER_00: So you do that two or three times before you go into the conversation.
- 1:37SPEAKER_00: So there's there's um not expecting a bad outcome, grounding yourself before you go in.
- 1:43SPEAKER_00: Number three, this is the golden and the most important rule communicate clearly, respectfully, kindly, diplomatically, so slow down your words if you need to, um, but honestly.
- 1:58SPEAKER_00: So you must express your needs honestly, and then how that is received by the other person is their responsibility.
- 2:08SPEAKER_00: If there is a negative reaction to it or dismissive behaviour or anything, that's their responsibility.
- 2:15SPEAKER_00: You've done all you can, you've expressed your needs, you've expressed yourself.
- 2:20SPEAKER_00: So draw the line there.
- 2:22SPEAKER_00: If that conversation doesn't go as you want to, then obviously you've done the best you can just coming out of the situation and reflecting.
- 2:32SPEAKER_00: Um there's also a fourth thing which can help before you go in, preparing actually.
- 2:38SPEAKER_00: Um, write down on a piece of paper everything that you want to say.
- 2:42SPEAKER_00: So when you do, when you are face to face with the person, you your emotions aren't blurring or making um your mind foggy and your words getting jumbled, a bit like some of mine have in this.
- 2:55SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so write things down and to add an extra level of calmness.
- 3:01SPEAKER_00: Some people are recommended, and this works for me.
- 3:03SPEAKER_00: You put a drop of um scented oil or perfume of your love one or something on the piece of paper if it's really important, so you can take that in with you, so you've got another fragrance, a sensory soother going in with you that might help break up the nervousness or the tension for you.
- 3:22SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I hope this has been helpful.
- 3:25SPEAKER_00: Good luck with your difficult conversation, but remember the golden rule only take responsibility for how you come across and what you say, not how it's received.
- 3:36SPEAKER_00: Remember honesty, diplomacy, kindness the three things respect, four things that will help you.
- 3:44SPEAKER_00: So good luck.
- 3:45SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.