Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / Living Unapologetically with Patty Durell

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Living Unapologetically with Patty Durell · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

• Lyndsay Soprano (00:01.286) I have always been an overachiever in all that I do. In fact, even jet lag, which I currently am rocking at a very high achieving level after being gone for almost four weeks in Europe. And it's a first world problem. I understand that, but nonetheless, it is a problem. My overachieving in my life is sometimes to the extreme. think most of the people that know me well would probably say always to the extreme. And part of that comes from the beautiful, people-pleasing gift that I have been given and that I've come to know all too well. And some of it comes from my dad, who always told me, never let a man take care of you. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet. And this started at a very, very young age. It was wise advice, but it also has been detrimental to my health over the years. And some of it also comes from having the entrepreneurial mindset and spirit from a very young age, watching two dads. build their big businesses together, my sweetie, same deal. It's just kind of that mindset that was always implanted at me that we've got to go, go, go. And then as us women, we always double up and triple up on making sure that we're taking care of everybody and anything, any moment of any day. And then we crash and burn. And one of the things with my work schedule that I've learned post-haste is I chose work over play. And I still do. And now, the play is incredibly hard for me to do with the body that I'm living in now. And so these high performing women, and I'm not putting you men aside, but us women have it little bit harder than you guys do, trust me. We tend to take care of everybody but ourselves, and which leans to that burnout and our health takes the brunt of all of it. And now couple that with aging, which we love to talk about here. Actually, I actually have been enjoying the aging process because I don't give a shit about as much as I used to. but we need to take our strength back. And what is our excuse for not exercising? What is it for not eating well? What is it for not sleeping well? I know what mine is, I don't have the time. And then I say, give me a break. Yes, we do. We all do. We just have our priorities all screwed up and we're not putting ourself first. So it is time for us, in my opinion, to redefine what strength looks like to us throughout our lives and do it unapologetically. Lyndsay Soprano (02:21.25) So let's talk about it today. I'm going to talk with my guests today about a couple of little trauma-informed approaches to our healthcare and fitness, balancing self-care and our workload, whatever workload means to you in your life, working out, exercising efficiently and effectively, safe strength training and reversing chronic pain and other places in our life with just two 25-minute workouts a week. I know, it sounds crazy. the importance of rest and recovery and maybe throwing a little bit more water into our day and much more. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you today to my guest, Patti Durrell. Hello, Patti, darling. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (03:01.046) Hello, Lindsey darling, how are you? Lyndsay Soprano (03:02.862) I am good and I am jet lag, but I am happy to be here with you today. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (03:08.886) I love that intro. sounded like you speaking right to me. Lyndsay Soprano (03:13.182) well good, because I was speaking to you. And all of our listeners, of course. So Patty is a physical therapist assistant, certified conditioning specialist, and CEO of Rock Solid Fitness. For nearly three decades, she's helped people rebuild strength, confidence, and trust in their bodies. God, do I need that. As the creator of high intensity, safe strength training, she guides high performing, burned out women to reclaim their energy and their power. Her approach is rooted in science, safety, and compassion because aging isn't about slowing down, it's about staying strong where it counts. So I'm rolling out the red carpet for you, babe. And I would like to start with something that you often say in some of the places in social media and on your website and in our conversations prior to this about strength comes from the struggle. And I definitely understand that one. There's personal stories that you have behind that. So can we just start from there and then we'll go from there? Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (04:10.338) Absolutely. I can't think of a thing that has made me stronger. whether it was mentally or physically or emotionally, that didn't require a tremendous amount of struggle to go through, right? Every time I work out and I'm trying to get to that next level, I am struggling with the resistance that I am using because I know that that's what it takes to get stronger. You have to challenge yourself in order to change yourself, right? Getting divorced was a terrible struggle, But at the end of it, it made me stronger, a stronger, more confident person. You know, when we lose someone, it's a struggle to go through that grief. But on the other side, I think even the relationship that we had with the person we lost becomes stronger. And Lindsay, I know that this is personal to you. You've had many struggles and look at you. You're vibrant, you're strong and you're achieving in your career, but you've struggled to get there. And I can say to You know, you were speaking in the beginning about high achieving and people pleasing and things like that. And I think women do fall into that. I think that we do fall into. I've got to take care of myself. We learned from when we were little girls, don't rely on anybody, take care of yourself, make sure that you're... And then just the onus of being a woman, it falls on you to take care of the house and the social calendar and the kids and then insert career. And my God, nobody told me that I was going to have a career too. Now I have a career that I need to achieve in. And I think sometimes what we do when we're trying to get that next degree, get that next client or Lyndsay Soprano (05:44.926) Yeah. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (05:57.285) next podcast guest or next, you know, level up, I think we literally lose ourselves, we lose our identity, we lose our health, we lose the relationships that are most important to us. And the most important relationship that we have is ourself. And I don't think we ever really have the awareness that we even are supposed to have a healthy relationship with ourself. Like it's not proper to talk, you know, yourself up, right, especially that's bragging. You would never do that in an environment of socially, especially as a little kid. So what do you learn? You learn to stuff yourself all the time. You learn to suppress your emotions, to put yourself last, that you're supposed to please everyone else and that's going to make you happy. But some day we wake up and we're like, wait a second, I'm not happy. And I was doing all these things I thought were going to make me happy. Lyndsay Soprano (06:51.658) Yeah, I woke up and one day I'm in a wheelchair for half my life. What the hell just happened to that? So you talk about the vibrant self that I have been and I am. I I try my best to do it, but you're totally right. We push all of that stuff down. all this, most recently I started using, doing ketamine injections and actually over our trip, it's actually been kind of life-changing in a... Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (07:13.976) Good for you. Lyndsay Soprano (07:18.508) really random sort of way, but over our trip in Europe, did, I was traveled with my ketamine, I was all nervous that I was gonna get like taken away and put in jail or something. But I did, one of the sessions that I did, I pulled back a childhood memory that I had stuffed down that I did not remember. But it literally cleared the clouds of something that happened to me when I was nine years old, that I knew something happened to me. I just didn't know what, and now I do. And so, woo! Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (07:27.478) Thank Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (07:35.992) Thank you. Lyndsay Soprano (07:45.25) trying to process that when I get back here. So that's why I love this show. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (07:49.443) Good for you, Minzy. mean, you're such a great example. Everybody goes through struggles and I truly believe that your worst struggle is the same as someone else's worst struggle. But it's that old saying, if we threw all of our struggles in a pile and we were to choose which ones we were going to take out of that pile, we'd probably take our own back, right? Because we know them. But yeah, I think that good for you for doing the ketamine. Something that I've learned recently that I think is really important and what you're going through is that 95 % of all our decisions that we are Lyndsay Soprano (08:00.578) Yes. Lyndsay Soprano (08:08.94) Ugh. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (08:23.406) that we make come from our subconscious brain. Only 5 % of the things that we say and the decisions we make come from our conscious brain. So your unconscious self through your ketamine might be able to bring some things to your conscious self so that you can actually process and deal with them and move on to your vibrant, happy self, right? I love that. totally. Lyndsay Soprano (08:46.382) Yeah, and it's a little scary when you're talking about trauma-informed approaches to healthcare, right? Our health, our bodies. And I know that we wanna talk about this, so this is perfect segue into it, because I know that for me, and all of the things that I've gone through, and all the doctors I've seen over and over and over, 95 % of them, to use that statistic in my brain, 95 % of them were not trauma-informed approaches to care for me. Not at all. 5 % came in. until I started to realize that that 5 % can grow into 10 and can take over and start to shift where the people that I engaged with, the people that I was seeking for help, whatever it may be, energy work, holistic exercise, whatever it might be, came from that same approach. Because if we don't approach our bodies and our mindset and everything that's happened to us in our lives, we've all had trauma. We all have, and it sits in our bodies in different places. And it comes out and it lashes out in places that are unrecognizable. So when you're working, actually, let's talk a little bit about what you do actually before we hop into this. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (09:47.673) Okay, great. What I do? Work? Lyndsay Soprano (09:51.62) Yeah, what do do all day, Patty? Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (09:55.107) So yes, I run, I'm the CEO of Rock Solid Fitness and we do 25 minute, twice a week strength training programs for busy professionals or busy people that really value their time, value accountability and value coaching. So we work a person out full body so that they can rest and recover full body. So not that we don't want people to be really active every other day, that's hugely important. and the guidelines of 30 minutes a day is not enough, in my opinion. But when you do intense exercise or something that's intense, if you do it in a way where you maximize rest and recovery, it's eustress. But if you do it in a way where it's constantly, your body is constantly being put under stress, it becomes distress. And so there's a fine line between eustress and distress, especially when it comes to exercise. think most people ask themselves like, how much can my calendar and my body tolerate when it comes to exercise rather than how little do I require? Because let's face it, it is wear and tear, right? Even though it's good for us, every time we take our car out, we put wear and tear and miles on our tires. Same thing when we take ourselves out and we're being active and we're strength training or whatever we're doing, we're putting some wear and tear. So you want to minimize that wear and tear and maximize rest and recovery. So that's what we do at Rock Solid Fitness. We also do like nutrition education. We're huge on accountability. We're huge on education just for people to be informed of, okay, I see you twice a week for 25 minutes. What am I supposed to do when I'm not here at Rock Solid Fitness? know, and that's, you know, eat nutritious foods and get all of your rest and make sure that you're having healthy relationships, especially the one right here with yourself, you know. and being part of a community and managing your stress. So that's what we do at Rock Solid Fitness. And I manage my team. I manage our members. And I'm in meetings a lot. I work out with my members twice a week. And I love that. So that's what I do, Lindsay. That was a long answer. Lyndsay Soprano (12:14.862) No, it was perfect. was perfect. think one of the things that's so impressive in my mind is this whole, if you can talk a little bit about the science behind delivering results in 25 minutes, because we're all used to when we're like, oh my gosh, we've got to go workout. It's like, eh. For me, I swim. So for me, I'm just dancing in the water. And sometimes I'm in there for two, three hours in the pool, and I don't even know what's happening. So for me, it's shifted on how I can workout and how I can exercise. And some of it is actually, don't even like the word exercise or workout anymore. It's kind of just like, I just go swim. Because that to me doesn't sound like work. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (12:46.008) Yeah. I love that. And you know what? I've tried to switch the word work in my life to evolve. Like, yeah, except it might not work with workout, right? I'll have to work on that one. But you know how we always say, I'm working on myself or I've done so much work on myself. Like, I just don't like the way that sounds anymore. I like the way that evolve sounds better. I've evolved a lot. Yeah, I've evolved a Lyndsay Soprano (12:54.348) Evolve out. Lyndsay Soprano (12:59.292) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (13:10.006) I like it too. Because it's true, because when we think of work, we think of like, my gosh, we're like lifting hammers and sledging them down. Like that is work. I don't want to do that. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (13:19.242) Yes, but you know I love that you're swimming. I think that's great, especially for your condition, right? So you're doing what you can. you know, do you mind if I ask you a couple questions about that? Have you tried the weights for the pool? Have you tried that? Lyndsay Soprano (13:31.414) Sure, absolutely, yeah, sure. Lyndsay Soprano (13:37.686) I haven't tried weights. What I've done, I have a tether on my pool because my pool isn't like this huge Olympic sized pool. So I have a tether and I've blown through a couple of them already because my strength, well, my, well, I'm just going to have to get, think a teenager version of it because of the adult one. just, I'm just blowing through it because I'm getting stronger and stronger. But what ends up happening is I do, I watched a bunch of videos on YouTube about how you can do Pilates in the pool and how you can do other things. And so I do. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (13:46.498) Good girl. Lyndsay Soprano (14:05.256) all kinds of different modalities in the pool. I don't just sit there and like do the breaststroke for two hours or whatever, but I have music on and especially this evening, I'm doing my swim at night tonight. So I've got my pool lights on and it's kind of like a disco party in there. And it's me coupled with my playlist that I have, my swim jam as I call it. And it just, takes me to a place. I sort out a bunch of stuff. I think about my body. I think about my breath. Cause you cannot not think about your breath when you're underwater. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (14:10.328) Good for you. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (14:17.72) Thanks Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (14:29.431) Yeah. That's right. Lyndsay Soprano (14:32.982) It's absolutely wonderful and I love it so much. And so in that regard, when I'm talking about swimming for an hour, two hours, every now and again, I'll do a three hour. That's usually when I'm pissed off at a bunch of people. But when you were talking about the science behind delivering results in such a short span of time, in the 25 minutes versus the 60 minute plus grinds that we're thinking like, God, I have to go to the gym and I got to go in there and there's going to be this chick next to me wearing some thong gross outfit next to me. running and falling and all these people are lifting around. It's just like so daunting. Nobody wants to do that. The people that do, I don't know who you are. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (15:05.868) Yep. Which is why at Rock Solid Fitness, everything is by appointment and there is none of that. There is none of that. Yes. Yeah. There might be, you know, there might be like maybe four other members in the studio, but everybody has a coach with them. Right. So, and I want to just talk about, I think to your point, Lyndsay Soprano (15:09.838) That's so awesome. It almost feels like it's private training. Yeah. Yeah. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (15:26.012) Activity and exercise are two different things. And a lot of times we use them synonymously, you know, or interchangeably, but they're not synonymous. So if it's something that you could do for, I don't know, maybe for more than 45 minutes, and you're not like, my God, get me out of here. I cannot stand another minute. It falls in the activity category, which is hugely important. And we need a lot more activity than exercise. Lyndsay Soprano (15:52.494) Yeah, just walking, going on a walk for 45 minutes, yeah. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (15:55.817) Exactly. Exercise is something that... changes one of the four components of fitness. So your strength, your body composition, your cardiovascular efficiency, or your flexibility. So in order for it to be considered exercise, it needs to change one of those components in a positive way. So with that being said, we're strength trainers, right? That's what we do at Rock Solid Fitness, just strength training. So we try to train the body as a unit so we could rest it as a unit. So we do full body work. So that's the first reason why you can work out just twice a week because you're getting your full body all your muscles twice a week. The second reason is research science shows proves over and over again that it's really the last repetition that will make the difference if the last repetition is hitting momentary muscular fatigue or momentary muscular failure, meaning you can't lift the resistance on that last repetition. So all those other reps are just a warm up to the one that really matters. so research has been done over and over again over the past 50 years about how many sets, how many reps should I do? What yields the best results? the best results are the results where you work to failure. So if all the other ones are just a warm-up or wear and tear, then why not just do one set and minimize the wear and tear and pick a load time or a time under tension where that muscle is under Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (17:31.435) you know, the tension of the resistance in a safe load. So research also shows that 48 to 60 seconds for upper body is a safe time under tension, 60 to 90 seconds for lower body is a safe time under tension. So we do six second repetitions basically. We lift the resistance in two seconds, we'll hold it for one second, and we'll lower it in four seconds. So if you do that, then eight to 12 reps for your upper body, provided the last rep is to failure, and 10 to 15 for your lower body is safe. So then we structure your workout, legs, big movements first. upper body second, midsection last, you get eight to 12 exercises, full body from neck to ankles. We figure out what resistance is going to have you fail within that safe time frame of the time of under load. And then when you get to that top end, we increase the resistance. Because if you're not increasing resistance, you're not changing anything. You're staying the same. And so record keeping is very important. You need to, in our opinion, machines are safer. You can work harder on machines without getting injured. So you need to have your seat set in a proper place so that you're not providing abnormal stresses to your joints. Then you need to make sure that the resistance is hard enough and strong enough for you to fail in that safe time under tension. But you have to eliminate momentum. And that's where most people go wrong. Most people go to the gym to literally lift weights. They'll lift the up and then they drop it down. Well, the part where you're bringing the weights down is actually the most valuable part of the contraction. And so most people rip themselves off of the most valuable part of the contraction. So safety first is you lift slowly, no momentum, and then you come down slowly with no momentum, right? But you lower the resistance twice as slow. Then you have to keep constant tension on your muscle. It's like a Lyndsay Soprano (19:13.293) down. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (19:41.483) classic example of people not keeping constant tension on their muscle is when they do crunches or sit-ups. I can do a hundred crunches, I can do a hundred sit-ups. No, you can't. Not if you're doing it right. If you keep, you know, what most people do is they lift, they come down, they relax. They lift, they come down, they relax. Well, every time you relax, Lyndsay Soprano (19:49.198) No, you can't. Yeah, yeah. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (20:01.644) your muscle is kind of, it gets all the chemicals back in there. All that glycogen can go back in there. So you're not really working that muscle to failure. But if you lift, you hold that contraction as you lower yourself down, you don't let go of the contraction and you lift back up, that muscle is gonna fatigue and you're gonna use up all the chemicals in the muscle and that's what you wanna do. So it's eliminate momentum, time under tension. constant tension and then making sure that you are getting to that point of failure. Going, you know, not stopping at 10 repetitions or 15 repetitions. Be okay with getting stuck because that's the goal and if it takes you 17 repetitions to get there, great. If you do it in eight repetitions, great, but the next time you come in to work out, you will be stronger. You'll either get another repetition or we're going to put another pound on that machine. So Form is first, always make sure your form is really on point so you're not hurting yourself. Your intensity or your effort has got to be maxed out and then progress the resistance, not the number of repetitions. Lyndsay Soprano (21:13.912) think it's interesting that we, that you, I'm saying we because we are one right now, that you use the word failure in it because it's such a complete opposite in my noodle of what having like a great workout with Beavil, I actually failed at the end. It's counterintuitive, but it makes sense where you're like, you've pushed yourself hard enough that. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (21:18.872) Great, Lindsay. I love you. Lyndsay Soprano (21:40.908) This is as far as you can go. Don't go any further than this because it's not going to be safe for you. It's not going to give any benefit to anybody except possibly causing injury, harm, and somebody looking at you going, what a jackass, what are you doing? Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (21:47.191) Right. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (21:57.153) Yeah. And you know what I love? Like your whole point on failure. I think like for me, when I first started to, learn about this exercise program, like, you know, when I would fail and like, let's say I was on the light press and I couldn't get number 11 and then, and I failed the next time I came in, I got 12 and I was like, Lyndsay Soprano (22:17.432) And you're like, yeah, baby. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (22:19.904) So the mind shift that happened to me, like I learned that failure is the pathway to success and that I really had no idea what I was capable of unless I tried. Because if I tried that number 11th repetition, I might just get it. But if I didn't try it, I wouldn't know if I could get it or not. So the mind shift or the carryover of the strength training was one of the most powerful things for me. Lyndsay Soprano (22:23.182) Interesting. Lyndsay Soprano (22:30.893) Mm-hmm. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (22:47.433) who grew up fatty patty and had absolutely no love of her body. I think that mind shift was really great for me when I learned this style of training. Lyndsay Soprano (22:58.22) It's really, really interesting. And I know that we spoke about it on our meet and greet, but it's nice to dive into it a little bit more, especially this failure part, because it's totally true. And we can apply this to anything in our lives, not just working out, exercising, whatever we want to call it. I know that when I started a podcast before this many years ago, was an epic failure. Branding was great, marketing was great, but everything else was just, it was a complete fail. And what did I do? I learned a billion things from that. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (23:19.308) Mm-hmm. Lyndsay Soprano (23:26.486) and now have a completely different way about doing what I'm doing. And that was also the same in my marketing agency that I ran for almost 25 years. Like we failed a lot and all I did was learn from that and become stronger and learn new technique and figure out a better way to land a sale, get a new client, da da da. It's very, very interesting that we can apply this to so many different places in our lives. It's wonderful. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (23:48.077) Mm-hmm. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (23:51.883) I say that all the time, like strength training is a great analogy for life. The way we train, it really is. the carryover is so great. And we know that the style of training that we do, research has also shown and proven that it creates mental resilience because physical resilience turns into mental resilience. Mental resilience turns into physical resilience. And so you're doing so much more than just strength training your muscles at Rock Solid Fitness. You're really strengthening your resilience. Lyndsay Soprano (23:55.391) Yeah! Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (24:21.846) strengthening your bones, you're getting great chemicals to kind of pour into yourself. I mean it's really wonderful what happens but... You have to have what you have, Lindsay, and that is the mindset to receive it in a positive fashion, right? Because what we believe is true. So if you walk into Rock Solid Fitness and you're like, God, the coach is telling me to slow down and to hold that for a second, I just can't get anything right. I'm just such a loser. If that's your self-talk, then you know what, you're not gonna get a lot out of it. But if your self-talk is, I'm gonna get this, I'm gonna get it better on the next repetition, and I'm gonna hold that pause a little longer, and I'm gonna be so excited when I've hit failure, because I know the next time I come in, I'm gonna be stronger, that's gonna lead to a whole different result and outcome. right, then the negative mindset. So having your mindset, if we could just insert that in everybody we work with, that would be lovely, but that's our own work, our own evolution that we need to go through, right, to switch those things. Lyndsay Soprano (25:30.318) It is and it's a challenge to do it and I can't say that I'm perfect at it, that's for sure. But I definitely know that over the past couple years when I started this thing, this show particularly just completely shifted my mindset without me even knowing that it was happening. And then all of a sudden I was like, holy shit. Like there is a lot happening that I'm not even tapped into yet. And so it's almost like I'm overwhelmed with failure. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (25:35.702) Nobody is. Lyndsay Soprano (25:59.08) because there's been so many places that I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's right. Let's do it. Let's keep going. Let's do it. And this is something that no matter what I show up for, no matter how bad I feel, no matter how jet lagged I am, no matter how puffy my eyes are from crying about something about pain or whatever, it's the one place that I end up showing up and I feel like it could fail and it would still be the biggest win for me. And it's hard to find those places in our lives, especially when it comes to our career, because a lot of us fall into, Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (25:59.339) It's for you! Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (26:22.263) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (26:28.28) working in the cubicle and I'm bummed about that and I don't like what I'm doing and all those things. And I'm the person that I know not every, my husband always tells me, I never call him husband on my show, my sweetie always tells me that I'm an outlier. And I totally disagree with that because I do have outlier tendencies, but I feel that there's an outlier in all of us if we only just could give ourselves a moment to fail. I'm gonna just use your failure thing for the rest of this episode, cause it's actually really good. I'm lifting it, Patty, I'm lifting it. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (26:55.19) Yeah, I love it. I agree with you, Lindsay. You know, I have a friend who is in construction and he is the lead for many men. And whenever he tells me, whenever somebody comes over and says, boss, you know, I made a mistake, he's like, awesome, that's great. Or I made a mistake or boss, we just broke something. Awesome, that's so great. And what does that do? It teaches people that Lyndsay Soprano (27:13.794) Right on. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (27:23.704) It's okay, like we're gonna figure out how to make it better and we're gonna do that together because things happen in life, right? And it also teaches people to not be afraid to come up and say, I screwed up, I broke something, I made a mistake. You know, we think that we're supposed to be perfect humans, we're not, we're imperfect humans. And if we can embrace our imperfections and connect with our strengths, I think it's so much better. You know, I wear a bracelet, it's got PI on there and it's so I can remind myself that I'm perfectly imperfect. You know, it's just, yeah, it's just who we are and I think that's beautiful for us to be perfectly imperfect. Lyndsay Soprano (27:56.206) love that. Lyndsay Soprano (28:02.828) And also perfect is boring. mean, who wants, what a boring thing. It's like, forget it. Everything has an imperfection, even diamonds, right? Like, give me a break with that. No matter how big or small the diamond is, there's always an imperfection, but it's still beautiful. And, you know, one of the things that when you're talking about failing, I know that when we've gone through a lot of trauma, whether it, whatever the trauma that. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (28:06.456) It's not achievable. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (28:14.2) And it's loose. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (28:18.946) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (28:29.162) has happened to us, whether it's childhood trauma, whether it's your whole entire life has been traumatic, whatever. know that you've worked with people and I was so surprised that you had worked with people with CRPS. But when you're working with people that have had deficiencies, whether they're neurological, whether they're physical, whether they're a little bit of both or they're trauma, how do you help work with people that have gone through with trauma from a physical strength perspective? How do you work with us? Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (28:52.312) First of all, you just treat you like everyone else. you know, you know, I mean, I think first and foremost is, you know, one, we try to get to know everyone. What's your why? Why are you here? What's your story? And then everyone has one, you know, I used to tell, I worked on a brain injury team for a while. And sometimes when you have a brain injury, you look physically normal, but you're not. And Lyndsay Soprano (28:57.077) that's nice. Lyndsay Soprano (29:19.662) Yeah, exactly. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (29:22.298) And you're not. And so I would tell everyone, you know, we all have a disability. Every single one of us has a disability. It's just some of them you can see and some of them you can't. But every single person has an issue. Everybody has an addiction. Everybody has some sort of issue. And I think that once we recognize that we're all more alike than different, right? The other thing we do at Rock Solid Fitness, like one, we're going to find out where your threshold is. Because not everyone can work to failure. If you have fibromyalgia, you have multiple sclerosis, other things, if you work to failure, that's going to exacerbate the So I think that meeting people where they are, knowing what their why is and what they want to accomplish, and then just getting the buy-in of let's work on this together. Like you're going to have to let us know, are you willing to push the threshold? Because we might push over and you might not like it, but we'll pull back, but we kind of got to test the limits a little bit. It's like anybody. I would love to hear, I would love to ask you the question and say, How do you want us to work with you? How would you like us to show up for you? And that is a question we ask every single member. How do you want us to show up for you? When things are getting hard, when your trauma is coming out of you in a weird sideways way because you just struggled so hard and you didn't even see it coming, how do you want us to respond to you? Lyndsay Soprano (30:56.728) Well, and I think that's obviously that's different for every person. For me, I am definitely the person that's like, you just keep on going, you got this kind of a thing. I don't like, okay, well, let's take a break. No, that's not who I am. Do I need to take more breaks in life? Yes, I do. But under those circumstances where I'd be working towards strengthening and building and physical therapy and all the things that I need to be spending more time on doing with my own body, I absolutely want the people to come for me to almost meet you guys. versus you meeting me because I know that if you meet me, we won't get anything accomplished because my body is just a complete disaster area. I mean, we're just, doing everything that I can at this moment at the pace that I can with the resources that I have, with the time that I have. And that's like I said in the beginning, one of the excuses that everybody has is I don't have time to exercise. It's complete bullshit. It is complete and utter bullshit. We have plenty of time to binge a three hour something on Netflix without any bubbles and are like, no big deal. What the hell? Take 25 minutes out of that and go do something for your body. Take your dog for a walk. I don't know, go sit in a sauna, go sit in a hot tub. I don't know, do something. And so I'm sick and tired of hearing people complain about not having enough time because we have plenty of time. It's just about prioritizing the things that we need to. And what I find so interesting is as soon as I get out of the pool, I am on cloud nine and I have solved all of the world's problems. I have got it all figured out. I have told everybody off that I need to without actually telling them off. I have said all these wonderful things that I know I need to get out of the pool and call all these people and tell them how much I love them. Like I work on myself. work on, it's amazing what I accomplished in the pool. And I've never been a swimmer before. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (32:36.738) Thank Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (32:49.25) I love her. Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (32:51.04) It was just, we moved into a new home and we have a pool. And so I'm like, we're going to leverage this for my body. And it has been an incredible asset to me, my mindset, my body, my sleep, my relationships, everything has been so interesting. What a wonderful place water is so healing. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (33:09.08) Lindsay, I'm so proud of you because a lot of people never learn that. They don't learn that you have to first come here before you can be anywhere else. And we get super sick, right, in the process. I mean, I know you and I have both gotten super sick trying to achieve and do and do and do and do. We've done ourself right into illness, you know, which is a chronic epidemic, especially in the US. I mean, especially now with connection on us 24 seven. Lyndsay Soprano (33:17.934) Mm-hmm. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (33:38.987) Work, research, and the ever melodic ding of an email or a text has us always on. And we don't know where the lines of when work starts and when work stops really are. They're extremely blurred. And yeah, I mean, I think we need to do more of what you're doing and get here and here and realize that the most important things in life, when we're sitting in our rocking chair at the end of our life and looking back on it, it's not going to be, I wished I got another degree. I wished I worked more. It's not gonna be any that. It's gonna be, wish I made myself realize that I could be happy. I wish I spent more time with my friends and my family. I wish I allowed myself to have more experiences. That's what it's gonna be, not achieving. Lyndsay Soprano (34:24.514) Yeah, it's certainly not gonna be, I wish I spent more time on Instagram and watching the news. Which I am, we're in the news business and so it's a boundary and it's a challenge when you talk about a stress bucket, which I wanna talk about, because it's the perfect time to talk about it. When we're talking about our stress bucket, my stress bucket is surrounded by the news because my husband, I don't know why I keep calling him my husband, he is my husband, but we never say that. My sweetie, he's in news. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (34:29.59) Right, definitely I hope not. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (34:41.026) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (34:53.646) journalism and he has a talk show in Los Angeles. And so he's constantly talking about the news and talking about what's going on, not just locally, but nationally and globally. And this is his job. And so like today he came home from his walk and all of a sudden I heard boop and on with the news. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like we put a boundary up about that to not immediately start turning on the news as soon as you're done with whatever you're doing. Cause I thought he's been very, very good about it. And then I thought, oh gosh, something is happening. Like He had to have gotten some alert on CNN or BBC or something that triggered him to go turn on the news. He's like, nope, I just wanted to watch the news. I'm like, man. Because it is so amazingly draining and so toxic right now, specifically here in the United States, at least from my perspective. And I'm sucked into it and I'm so angry and I'm so frustrated and people that I love, including my parents, voted for this person. So I really struggle with my relationships with that. And so talk about my stress bucket. like, I've got my mom, I've got my dad, got that, you know, I'm like throwing people into this bucket and then all of the things with my health and all the things with it. And you just keep adding and adding. And to your point, we have one stress bucket. Let's talk about it. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (36:01.804) Yeah, we have one stress bucket and Our cells don't understand where stress comes from. They don't know if I just had an intense workout and my cells are stressed and need to recover from that. They don't know if I just had to overhear an hour of negative news and what's going on in the world and I'm on heightened alert and I'm stressed out about that. They don't know if I didn't get enough sleep, I have jet lag, I didn't get proper water and the cells are stressed out about that. They don't know if it's because I had a fight at work or a deadline really stressing me out. Cells don't understand where stress comes from. They just get inflamed from stress. And so... we get one stress bucket and I tell everyone when they're working out, like you just dug a stress hole. You need to fill that hole in before you can overcompensate with good things that are going to happen. So it's how do you fill your bucket? How do you counterbalance? Well, it sounds like you do a great job. You get in your pool every night for a couple hours and you can tap into your mental self. You can calm yourself down. You can do some nice activity that gets things flowing around in you. You can have happy, healthy conversations with yourself and you could then get out of the pool and share that love with others. Those are things that help us decrease our stress. Recovery is not just sleep, right? It's trying to insert activities or times when you're not in a stressful environment. It's like a counterbalance. I don't believe that there's balance in work and life. I don't believe that. Lyndsay Soprano (37:41.368) You don't believe in the work-life balance? Give me a break. That's all we've ever heard. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (37:43.394) I don't think. I don't think it's possible. I think we're at work far more than we're at life. And so what I think we need to do is counterbalance it. Because just like you know this and I know this, if we're sitting face to face with someone for 30 minutes and we're engaged like we are, this conversation is filling me up. And this conversation is gonna feel like a three or four hour counterbalance to anything else that I could have done. Like if I were engaged with you like this, but I was distracted on my. Lyndsay Soprano (37:47.022) grade. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (38:14.97) you would have had a terrible experience with me and that would not have been a positive counterbalance, right? So you counterbalance life. A 30 minutes of really productive walk in nature or conversation with a friend might feel like eight hours of a counterbalance to the stressful day I had. So I don't think things are equal. I think that we can choose really great ways to get ourselves destressed and it's not a time for time. It's not a minute for minute thing. Lyndsay Soprano (38:46.638) I love that because it's so true. We've heard work-life balance. You've got to get a better work-life balance. It's like, give me a break with this, okay? Like my work has been totally different. My entire life I've always worked for myself. So my schedule as an entrepreneur, you understand it. Anybody that runs their own business can get this. It is like a 24 hour, like holy shit all day long, right? And so that's what ended up in my, like I even started talking about in the beginning about how it all came from good stuff, from being raised with, strong-willed parents and know, da da da, and on and on we go, making sure I could take care of myself. And then it comes down to the point where now I absolutely have to rely on other people to help me because my health is so, it's not terrible, but it's not as good as I would like it to be. And we're working on it, but it's a slow grind, you know, to get me out of this thing. Forget it, I'm not gonna be in this thing for the rest of my life. I hate it, but I also love it because I've embraced it. I call it my little buggy. It's enabled me to go do things, enabled me to be in Europe. Was it a positive experience the entire time? No, it was not. And that's for another show. But the work-life balance thing is incredibly challenging for everybody because we've read all the self-health books, we've listened to the podcast, we've done all the things, we've gone through our therapy, we're doing all this, and why is it not working? Well, because it's not working. Absolutely. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (39:48.194) Ready? Yeah. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (40:06.04) right. It's impossible. Exactly. It's impossible. Yes, it's impossible. I think that... what you were saying earlier about being raised by really productive parents, know, you know, make sure that you don't need to rely on everybody, anybody rather. I think what that teaches us is to never ask for help. And I think that asking for help is one of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves and for others, because at the end of the day, what do we love to do, but help people? That's why you have to. Right. Lyndsay Soprano (40:28.941) Yes. Lyndsay Soprano (40:40.454) Mm-hmm. Well, and that's the people pleaser in us too. It's counterintuitive. It's like I turned into a people pleaser because of me wanting to make sure that I could take care of myself. And then counterintuitively, I ended up being a people pleaser, making sure I was taking care of everybody else. It's so interesting that you said that because many, many years ago, was in my, I think it was in my late 20s. And I was making a ton of money and I was burning the candle at every end that you could possibly at. at Burn It and I broke my leg in two places. And I was living alone. I had three dogs. I was in a two story home that I had just recently bought. And I'm like, I don't even know what to do. Like, okay, fine. gonna put a backpack on my back. I'm gonna use my crutches and go up the stairs. I didn't ask for help until I fell and re-broke it. And I'm like, Jesus God. I had to ask for help. And that is the first time in my late 20s that I have a memory of actually, and I'm almost 50. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (41:16.344) goodness. Lyndsay Soprano (41:38.23) of actually asking for help. And now it's still challenging for me to do so, especially in business. It took me a while. And now I have a gal that's been working with me for three years. And I basically, I'm like, you're the boss of me now. I don't even know what the hell is going on. She's in charge of me now. And it's so awesome. I'm like, isn't it great to be the boss? She's like, no. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (41:43.746) Thank Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (41:53.323) God. I love that, Lindsay. You know, it's so interesting because it's one of the things you learn as a therapist, as a physical therapist, right? When somebody has a life-changing event, the most important thing for you to help them do is be independent. And one of the biggest things to be independent is to ask for help. And it's so counterintuitive because we're like, how can independence mean that I need somebody else? Lyndsay Soprano (41:59.63) This is awesome. Lyndsay Soprano (42:18.904) for help. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (42:25.4) Because that's how you can take care of yourself. You need to do that. You need to definitely do that. Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (42:30.094) We do and we need to do it, like I mentioned in the beginning, I love the word unapologetic because there is, I've always been a little bit of a rebellious young lady and those who know me very well know they're like a little. I've always pushed the envelope, I've always broken the rules, that's who I've always been, I'm absolutely proud that I have. But I also held back a major part of me, mostly from a trauma perspective, which I didn't know that I was doing until I started this show. So thank you audience for helping me through this. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (42:35.159) Yeah. Lyndsay Soprano (42:58.478) But it's really unbelievable what I have learned about myself and why I did the things I did throughout like a timeline therapy of looking at why this was starting to happening with my health. These are the things that were happening and I'm still uncovering that. And now I am just like, fuck it. If you don't like what's coming out of my mouth, I'm a wonderful woman. I'm a caregiver, I'm a lover, I'm a gifter, I'm all of these wonderful things. Are we all a little bit rough around the edges? Yes, of course we are. But I am walking into my life unapologetic. That's it. And and in your with your stress bucket thing. So I have something that I've given to every one of my dearest girlfriends. And you guys know who you are because they listen every time. I have a jar that was given to me by my friend and it is a fuck jar. And inside this jar on the top of it, it says fucks to give. And this is the stress bucket. And it is every time you decide that you want to give a fuck, you're giving one away. And this is all you have left to give. And I have it here. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (43:56.536) I love you. Lyndsay Soprano (43:57.632) I have it here and it's sitting here on my desk every day. And I am not kidding you, almost every week I get a picture from one of my girlfriends with a picture of their jaw going, I almost did it today. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (44:08.568) That is so great, Lindsay. I love that. That is so great. Lyndsay Soprano (44:11.796) Isn't it great? Because it's such a great, it's everything we're like, we give so much attention to stuff that we should just let go. And when you live with anxiety and depression and things like that, it's very hard to not do that. And especially anxiety, and I struggle with that. Everybody knows about that. But man, it's the fucks to give. mean, honestly, we only have so much, so make them worth it. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (44:36.364) I love that. And I want to go back to your question about trauma, because like many people, I am not unusual at all. I was severely depressed, suicidally depressed as a child. And that turns into anxiety as well. So depression and anxiety are very close together. And I think through my evolution as an adult, one of the things that I came across was this positive intelligence program was introduced to me by a high level CEO group. It's a book, but it's also a program. And I went through that program like four times and it literally like so changed my life because like you and everyone else out there who's struggling with depression or anxiety and wants to evolve. We find the books, we find the self-help, we find the therapist, we find and there's 15 ways to that and 48 things to do for this and 12 processes for this. And you're like, okay, which one do I do? it, you know, the CBT or the EMDR or the whatever, whatever, and you're chasing all this stuff. And positive intelligence taught me that there's one simple operating system for switching negative to positive. And how do we deal with all these saboteurs that we developed as kids that overdeveloped as adults? And I loved it so much. went through the program. I went through it with my husband. We divorced without an attorney, still loving each other and supporting each other, which I think is super rare, but I really truly believe it was because of that program. And so what do you do when things change your life? You want to share it with everyone. So I became a positive intelligence coach, but. The reason why I'm sharing this with you and your listeners is because they have a free saboteur assessment that you can take, positive intelligence. Shirzad Shamin is the founder of it and the author of the book. And you can take this and it really gives you some great insight to why these parts of you developed, what the survival strategy of these parts are, the lies that they kind of tell you to keep you engaged, you know? And yeah, and it's really a Lyndsay Soprano (46:43.073) yeah. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (46:45.562) great discovery of yourself. And the book is enough to kind of give you enough tools to kind of work through it on your own. So that's a great book as a resource for trauma. And the other great book that I love that you might have come across for trauma is The Body Keeps the Score. Lyndsay Soprano (47:05.194) Yeah, I should have made a million dollars already on my show for how many books I've sold talking about it. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (47:11.53) Yeah, you know what, I don't know about you, Lindsay, but it was one of the hardest books for me to get through because it was such a heavy. Lyndsay Soprano (47:17.238) It was tough. Yeah. And I've read it multiple times and I've given copies to my dad, my mom and my sweetie and all three of them have not read it. And I'm still butthurt about it, but that's for also another show. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I absolutely know it's not me. It's a bummer though, because I'm like, you are like my three people. Like, hello. Yeah, that's true. And man, do I have a lot of... Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (47:21.868) That's great. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (47:29.848) They're just not ready, Lindsay. not you. It's not for you. They're just not ready. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (47:40.568) But you have you number one first. Lyndsay Soprano (47:46.06) bookshelves full of amazing books that I've read, not just from guests on this show, because I've had a lot of incredible authors that have come on here, but just the books that I've learned from just like this. It's like, my gosh, like I've already written it down. It's, I love what we learn here. I learned how we can be as open and honest and raw and realize you possibly can hear. There's no fluff. There's none of that. It's just be you, be grit, be whoever wonderful human being that you are on this planet. And I'm so grateful to have you here today. This was fun. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (48:15.06) I am so grateful for the work you're doing. Thank you for inviting me to your special show. This is really great. Lyndsay Soprano (48:19.694) thank you. Well, thanks for being here. It is a pretty special place, at least for me it is, and I appreciate that. It means a lot to me for sure. So before we hit the dusty trail here, my darlings, is anything that you'd like to leave my listeners with, my beautiful listeners? Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (48:27.095) your way. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (48:32.982) No, I mean, just be brave, be bold, be you. And if there's anything that I can do to help, you know, could reach out to me at RockSolidFitnessFL.com. Lyndsay Soprano (48:42.614) I love it so much. can find her on Instagram and Facebook and on LinkedIn. She's Rock Solid Fitness FL. Excuse me, Rock Solid Fitness FL. I'm not dyslexic, but sometimes I can be. Her website is rocksolidfitnessfl.com. And my goodness, thank you so much for your time. This has just been wonderful. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (49:00.546) Thank you, Lindsay. You're wonderful. Thank you. Lyndsay Soprano (49:02.496) thank you so much. I appreciate it. You are exclusively invited to share this unapologetic VIP pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you by my side and Patty's side. Please follow the Pain Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast content. We will be there. Visit us at thepaingamepodcast.com and follow us on all the socials. Thanks for listening, my little VIPs. Catch you on the other side. Patty Durell-RockSolidFitness (49:30.765) Lindsay, you're great.