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10 Ways to Become Harder to Manipulate (no matter who you are dealing with) · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Hello beautiful beans and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: My name is Alexis Fernandez. This is Do You Fucking Mind?
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where I help you change your
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: relationship with yourself and your brain. And in particular, in
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: today's episode, how you change your relationship with other people
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and confidence in general, because, and also your critical thinking,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: your intelligence, everything, because in this episode, we're going to
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: be talking about 10 ways to to make it harder
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: for people to manipulate you. Now, I don't know if
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: that's what I'll end up titling the episode, but it's
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: pretty much, I'm going to get you to be really
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: good at looking out for these little tactics that people use.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Sometimes people don't even use it intentionally, but They've picked
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: it up along the way. And a lot of the
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: time it is intentional. So you're going to see a
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: difference between out of these 10 things. Not only will
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: you be able to seek it out in other people,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: but it's also something to note for your own behavior.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: You will come across as a much better critical thinker.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: If you can pay attention to these 10 things that
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I mentioned. and look at how you can, you know,
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  Speaker 1: tweak how you communicate with people and how you treat
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: people and how you argue and how you approach different topics,
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  Speaker 1: you're going to come across as a whole lot more
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: intelligent while also being harder to manipulate. What more could
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: you want in life? So I've got, I've got, I
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: looked down on my iPad where I've got all my
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  Speaker 1: notes and in huge font, it just says carbon monoxide poisoning,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: because that's, what my brain fact is going to be
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: about today. Now, life update. You will be listening to
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: this probably a week after ish after I've recorded it.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I think, um, life is great. I am hopefully by
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: the tool, I don't want to jinx it, but hopefully
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: by the time this episode comes out, I have signed
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: a lease on an office space. I am looking to
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: move out of recording my episode at home. It's the
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: end of the miniature era. There's been many eras in
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the lifetime of Do You Fucking Mind? But it's the
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: end of a mini era and that's where I gave
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: up my old office space where I did shed one
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: or two tears about. And then when we were moving,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: because we found out we were having twins and we're like,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: let's just get an extra bedroom. We use that room
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: as an office and I can move all my shit
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: there and it's easier because I'm closer to the kids, whatever.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: It's been fabulous. But now the kids are larger than
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: life and louder than ever. And these pockets of time
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: where I can actually record is getting less and less.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And my sister even mentioned to me, she was like,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: It's very cute, but I'm professional. You can hear the
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: babies in the washing machine in the background. So apologies
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: for that, but we are moving along and I'm hoping
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: that I've got this new office space, which will be
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: my new podcast recording studio. So let's see if that's
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: actually come to pass. Now we have a brain fact,
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  Speaker 1: and then we're getting into the 10 points of today's
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  Speaker 1: episode about becoming harder to be manipulated. The brain fact
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  Speaker 1: of today is about carbon monoxide poisoning. I love to
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: talk about pharmacology. I love talking about what happens in
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: our cells with different chemicals. And I love to talk
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: about poisoning. Call me a sociopath, but I really enjoy it.
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  Speaker 1: Now I have done carbon monoxide poisoning in the past,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: but the back catalog isn't has now extended to over
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: 500 episodes. So there's so many great brain facts that
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I'm wanting to bring back. There's so many new audience
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: members that are here listening to the podcast that haven't
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: been here the whole time that have just never listened
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: to these great brain facts. So I am bringing back
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: a few of my favorite ones and re-sharing them with you.
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  Speaker 1: So this one is carbon monoxide poisoning. Like I said,
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  Speaker 1: call me morbid, but I really enjoy talking about poisoning.
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  Speaker 1: So you've probably heard it before or seen it in
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  Speaker 1: movies where kind of the basic example of what you
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: might've seen is where someone leaves the car running, whether
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: it's intentional or unintentional, and it causes a death. If
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  Speaker 1: it's intentional, you'll see that like, you know, when someone
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  Speaker 1: puts the hose in the back of the car and that,
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  Speaker 1: like that thing in a movie, or maybe you've heard
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  Speaker 1: of a really tragic story where a car's been running,
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  Speaker 1: but the garage door into the house was open and
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  Speaker 1: someone was asleep and then they got either really ill
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  Speaker 1: or they died. Okay. So that kind of explains to
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  Speaker 1: you how significant and how dangerous carbon monoxide poisoning can be.
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  Speaker 1: So basically it's poisoning where you're inhaling carbon monoxide and
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  Speaker 1: it can cause other things, not just death. It can
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  Speaker 1: cause just a whole range of things, death being the worst.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm going to explain how it's actually like a
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  Speaker 1: scale of things. It's not like all or nothing. The
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  Speaker 1: more you're exposed to it, the worse the symptoms are
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  Speaker 1: going to get and the worse the effects are going
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  Speaker 1: to be. So why is it that inhaling carbon monoxide
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: or a significant amount of carbon monoxide leads to death?
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  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about what is happening in the body.
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  Speaker 1: It's fucking fascinating. So stay tuned. So carbon monoxide is
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: a toxin to us when we inhale it because of
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  Speaker 1: the effect that it has on hemoglobin. That is why
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  Speaker 1: it is a toxin because of what it does to hemoglobin.
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  Speaker 1: It has no smell, no taste. You can't see it.
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  Speaker 1: So you kind of want to understand how you can
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  Speaker 1: be poisoned by carbon monoxide. to be able to avoid
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  Speaker 1: it basically. So the car exhaust is one of them.
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  Speaker 1: Smoking actually has a small amount of carbon monoxide in it,
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  Speaker 1: not enough obviously to cause severe side effects in the
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  Speaker 1: moment or even across the day. Even a pack a
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: day smoker, it's not going to kill them, not from
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: carbon monoxide poisoning at least. But it's going to affect
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: them in other ways. Let's start with what is hemoglobin.
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  Speaker 1: Hemoglobin is a protein within your red blood cells and
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  Speaker 1: its role is to transport oxygen throughout your body and
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  Speaker 1: to release oxygen in the areas of your body that
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  Speaker 1: need it. And hemoglobin is comprised of these four protein
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  Speaker 1: segments called heme groups. Okay. So in between these heme
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  Speaker 1: groups in the middle is this unstable iron atom. Unstable
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  Speaker 1: being the key word. Okay. So your body's pumping around
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  Speaker 1: these red blood cells and you're breathing in oxygen and
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  Speaker 1: the oxygen molecules, when they come into contact with the hemoglobin,
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  Speaker 1: as you inhale, come into contact with the hemoglobin, they
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  Speaker 1: bind to each of these four segments within the heme group.
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  Speaker 1: So you get an oxygen molecule binding to one, two, three,
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  Speaker 1: four sections. Okay. So you've got four molecules binding to
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  Speaker 1: each heme group per hemoglobin. And this binding is low affinity.
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  Speaker 1: This is important to note because it means that it's
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  Speaker 1: a very weak bind and it has to be a
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  Speaker 1: weak bind because the oxygen needs to be released relatively
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  Speaker 1: quickly where it's needed in the body. So when it
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: gets to a point where it's needed, it's going to
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  Speaker 1: be able to release it very quickly. We need a
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  Speaker 1: weak bind here. Unlike different kinds of chemical binds, like
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  Speaker 1: a covalent bond, which is often an irreversible bond, like
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  Speaker 1: an example of this would be maybe chemotherapy. Okay. So
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  Speaker 1: it's transporting this oxygen around the body, doing its thing.
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  Speaker 1: It's got a weak bind. It can shake off the
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  Speaker 1: oxygen in the areas that need it. And once it's
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  Speaker 1: bound to the hemoglobin, once oxygen is bound to hemoglobin,
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  Speaker 1: it changes its name from being hemoglobin to oxyhemoglobin. Okay.
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  Speaker 1: And now these red blood cells are cruising around, taking
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  Speaker 1: the oxyhemoglobin around to the body to where it needs oxygen. Now,
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  Speaker 1: how does it know where in the body it needs
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  Speaker 1: more oxygen versus other areas? So the areas of blood
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  Speaker 1: that are low in oxygen are high in carbon dioxide,
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  Speaker 1: which is what you exhale. And when there's high levels
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  Speaker 1: of carbon dioxide in the blood, it's because there's high
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  Speaker 1: metabolism in that area. So when you're exercising, there's going
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  Speaker 1: to be higher metabolism in certain parts of the body.
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  Speaker 1: It's going to become more acidic. Lower levels of oxygen
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  Speaker 1: are going to be there, and it's going to need
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  Speaker 1: more oxygen. So your body's able to determine that and
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  Speaker 1: distribute accordingly. So that's how oxygen is distributed when all
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  Speaker 1: is well in the world. However, all of that changes
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  Speaker 1: when carbon monoxide is inhaled. So remember how I said
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  Speaker 1: that that oxygen binding has a really weak affinity? and
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  Speaker 1: can be released easily to where it needs to be.
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  Speaker 1: Like it binds very weakly, but then it knocks off
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  Speaker 1: quite easily, which is what we want. Carbon monoxide has
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  Speaker 1: a much stronger bond. Its affinity is way higher. So
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  Speaker 1: it means that once carbon monoxide has bound to something,
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  Speaker 1: it's a lot harder to unbind, and it's going to
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  Speaker 1: stay bound for around five hours, okay? So carbon monoxide
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  Speaker 1: is also binding to these heme groups, to the same
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  Speaker 1: thing that oxygen binds to, carbon monoxide binds to. And unfortunately,
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  Speaker 1: when carbon monoxide binds, oxygen can't bind. Only one thing
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  Speaker 1: can bind at that time. So if carbon monoxide takes
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  Speaker 1: a spot, it cock blocks oxygen from taking that spot.
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  Speaker 1: So only one thing is binding at a time, and
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  Speaker 1: it binds to one of the four groups. Now, there's
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  Speaker 1: only three oxygen being bound and one carbon monoxide bound.
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  Speaker 1: So instead of being four oxygen, it's three and then one. And...
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  Speaker 1: Once carbon monoxide binds to hemoglobin, it's now called carboxyhemoglobin. Now,
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  Speaker 1: remember when I said that there was that unstable atom
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  Speaker 1: in between the four heme groups? Carbon monoxide stabilizes that atom,
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  Speaker 1: which is not a good thing. When that happens, it
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  Speaker 1: causes a structure, a change in the structure of the
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  Speaker 1: heme groups. And the oxygen molecules of those other three
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  Speaker 1: that had the weak affinity bind are now stuck there.
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  Speaker 1: for the duration that the carbon monoxide is bound. So
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  Speaker 1: roughly five hours. So because you've stabilized that atom, not
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  Speaker 1: only is carbon monoxide here, but now those oxygens can't
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  Speaker 1: be knocked off in the areas of the body that
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  Speaker 1: you want it to be knocked off. So they're basically trapped.
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  Speaker 1: So what does that mean? It means that the groups
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  Speaker 1: that carbon monoxide has bound to can't deliver oxygen to
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  Speaker 1: the body. That's it. For the next five hours, that
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  Speaker 1: particular group, it's not delivering oxygen. And the more hemoglobin
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  Speaker 1: that gets bound to, so the more carbon monoxide that
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: you're inhaling. And the more of the little hemoglobin that
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  Speaker 1: it's binding to, then less and less oxygen is available
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  Speaker 1: to be distributed around the body because it's stuck to
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: those heme groups. Okay. They can't be let off in
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  Speaker 1: these high acidity areas with high metabolism that need it.
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  Speaker 1: So now we've got low levels of oxygen and that
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  Speaker 1: is what leads to asphyxiation. So if you have, you know,
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  Speaker 1: in severe cases, in higher dose cases, it leads to
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  Speaker 1: death because there gets to a point where most of
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  Speaker 1: of these heme groups are bound in a short amount
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  Speaker 1: of time. So obviously in a time that's big enough
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  Speaker 1: within that five-hour window that you're not getting enough oxygen
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  Speaker 1: carried to the brain, and that's going to cause all
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: kinds of different cell deaths and dysfunction throughout the body.
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  Speaker 1: And then it's obviously going to ultimately affect your heart
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: and your brain, and then you're going to die. But
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  Speaker 1: symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning are headaches, dizziness, and then
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: of course it gets higher and higher and higher to
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: more intense things, chest pains, irregular heartbeat, vomiting, And then
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: loss of consciousness, the brain shuts down, and then death,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: which is very morbid. And all of this is because
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: of the lack of oxygen, because obviously oxygen is what
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: keeps the body alive. Now, how I mentioned earlier about smoking,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: like I said, smoking actually does also deliver carbon monoxide
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  Speaker 1: because of the combustion of the cigarette. And when there's
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: not enough oxygen during that burning phase, that's what produces
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: carbon monoxide, okay? So I'm not going to get into
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: the whole... pyrotechnics or whatever you want to call it
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: if like the science of oxygen and fire and heat
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: and all of that but there is going to be
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: a level of carbon monoxide poisoning most people have some
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: carbon monoxide in their system that they're inhaling especially if
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: you live like in a city or around someone that
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: maybe smokes or this and everyone's going to have kind
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: of different levels you would have to be living in
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: very very very clean air in the middle of a
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: fucking paradise where there's absolutely zero carbon monoxide poisoning we
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: all have a bit But because of how much needs
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: to be bound in a short amount of time is
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: why it often doesn't really affect people to the extent
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: that like it's affecting their day-to-day life whatsoever. Okay. So. Yeah,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: but there are some side effects. If you're someone that's
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: smoking 20 plus cigarettes a day, you might be feeling weaker, dizzier.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: You're obviously not getting the adequate oxygen and it is
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: causing cellular death in parts of your body. It's probably
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: just in smaller amounts. So you're not really realizing it
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: until years and years and years later. So it is
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: a problem. It's just not something that feels like it's
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: acutely going to cause death in the very near future.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: So how is it treated? If caught early enough, like
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: actual carbon monoxide poisoning, if you're in the car and
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: all of that awful thing, patients are given oxygen, pure oxygen,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: like really intense pure oxygen through a breathing mask or
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: in kind of like a chamber that they put them in.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: So when you're getting these really, really high levels of oxygen,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: it can help, you know, unbind what's going on. And
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: it unbinds that carbon monoxide from the heme groups a
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: lot faster because it can be unbound, but it's got
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: a much higher affinity and it's not done easily. So
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: it's basically significantly speeding up that five-hour process to much
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: less time, maybe like an hour or something. So if
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: someone has inhaled a big amount of carbon monoxide, if you,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: God forbid, or if somebody else, straight to the hospital,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: straight to pure oxygen for a couple of hours. So yeah,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: that is the brain fact of today. I thought it
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: was really interesting. Now, let's get into the topic of
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: today's episode. Like I said, there's 10 things to help
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: you become less likely to be manipulated or to just
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: be better at arguing or better at critical thinking. The
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: first one is the idea of a loaded analogy. Number one,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: loaded analogy. This is where someone is trying to argue
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: with you and the way they argue with you or
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: manipulate how you argue with them is they give you
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: an analogy to say, well, what would you prefer? And
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: they give you two options to get you to side
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: with them, but they've loaded that analogy in the sense
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: that that analogy is super biased to go their way.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: So whichever answer you choose, it's kind of agreeing with
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: their school of belief or their premise, okay? You have
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: to buy into their analogy on some level. So a
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: loaded analogy is like a comparison that's going to use
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: these assumptions that are already hidden to already push you
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: to kind of get on their side of the argument.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: So it's very biased, obviously. And an example of this is...
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I saw this page on Instagram, Dr. Kevin Liu, he
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: stitched this on his page, and there was a debate,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: which I don't think this should even be debated, but
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: for argument's sake, there was a debate about women's body
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: count and, you know, those incels that have this whole
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: issue with women's body count and how that matters and whatever.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: And so this guy says to the other man that
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: he was debating, he said... if we went to a
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: used car lot and one car that is totaled, the
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: engine's blown out, whatever, and the other one just has
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: a small fender bender, which car would you want to drive?
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: The other guy debating him says, I reject the analogy.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: And that's what you have to do. When someone gives
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: you a loaded analogy like that, he says, I reject
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: the analogy because it proposes that there's something destructive about sex. Okay.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: And then he offers up a better analogy. He goes
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: on to say, I would actually rather test drive the
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: right amount of cars until I found the right fit
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and compared that to, you know, dating and marriage. Okay,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: so I don't think we need to be doing these
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: analogies around sex anyway, but I think it makes for
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: a very, very good example as to what I'm talking
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: about when we talk about a loaded analogy. The guy
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: was trying to put a point across that made the
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: person he was arguing with, if he agreed to this
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: analogy to say, would he rather the banged up car,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: the one with just a tiny fender bender, He was
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: agreeing that sex is destructive. So when someone puts across
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: an argument like that for you, you can say now,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: moving forward, I reject your analogy because it would mean that,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: in this case, there's something destructive about sex, or it
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: would mean that all people are whatever, or it would
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: mean that, and then you fill in the blank. That
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: makes you way harder to manipulate and it puts that
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: person on the back foot instantly, okay? Number two, This
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: is actually a pet hate of mine, but it is
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: a form of manipulation and it is very important to now,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: before I say it, there are some people that use
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: this term very innocently and it's not in malice whatsoever,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: but pay attention when people use it as a way
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: of rejecting what you are saying. And it is when
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: people use the term, my truth. Okay. That's can be
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: a manipulation. They are misinterpreting my experience for my truth
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: as a way of discrediting what has actually happened, okay?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: There is something that happens. There can be multiple points
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: of view depending on where you stood when different people
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: experienced that event. But there is one truth, the truth.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: There is not my truth and your truth. There is
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: the truth. When people start saying my truth, it's kind of...
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: you either agree with fact and reality or you don't.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: So instead of saying my truth, what they should be
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: saying is my experience. The truth isn't bendable, okay, irrespective
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: of who has experienced that truth. Your experience is valid,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't change fact. So saying something is true
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: for me but not for you falls under this subjectivist fallacy.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: If believing in something makes it the truth... then it
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: means that no one could ever be wrong about anything,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: which is not possible. Because obviously there are things that
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: are right and things that are wrong. And that is
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: the beauty about science and why I love science so
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: much is because it's always trying to find the truth.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: A good scientist tries to disprove their own theory, not
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: prove it, okay? You're always trying to find the thing
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: that is closest to the truth. And when we can't
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: find the truth, we're always in search of the truth
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: or something that could point to the closest thing to
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: the truth. Anything outside of that is going to be
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: your experience of that thing. If two people experience different
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: points of views of an event, say a car accident,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: they experience it differently. Yes, they see it from different angles,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: but both of these people can't be right if their
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: claims contradict each other. They both cannot be objectively right
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: just because they both believe deep in their heart that
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: it was their truth. Your belief doesn't always dictate the truth.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: So when someone says my truth as a way to
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: kind of shut you down and deflect, it takes away
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: from that person's capacity to reflect on a situation or
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: on an experience. It's showing that they're not open to
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: look at the experience of others and look at the
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: event and look at what actually might have actually occurred.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: and how, yes, they could have still been hurt by it.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: They could have still had other things that led them
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: to act in a certain way, but it doesn't change
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: the truth. Okay. And it's not to say that, let's
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: say two friends have a horrible falling out and you
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: speak to one friend and say, you know, all they
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: did was just constantly push me away. They always rejected me. They,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I never felt like a priority. It was really sad.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: And I had to just start pulling back. You speak
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: to the other friend and the friend says, they were
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: so overbearing. They were so overbearing. And there was just,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I could never do enough for them. I just couldn't
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: do enough. So that's two people's genuine lived experience. But
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: somewhere lies the truth. Okay. Now you may never know
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: what the truth is, but both of these individuals might
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: have their lived experience of what occurred, but what actually
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: happened lies somewhere in the middle. and you might interpret
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: an event differently to someone else and that's emotions and
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: communication and people and that's you know a whole other
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: thing but it is the truth so if you're so
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: sure that something happened you say this is the truth
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: not my truth or your truth it's the truth okay
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: The truth does not waver. Anyway, number three, don't confuse
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: familiarity with understanding. If you want to be a really
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: good critical thinker, if you want to be less likely
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: that someone's going to try and change your mind about
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: something or appear to be an expert in something, pay
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: attention to this one. So this will make you argue
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: complex systems about stuff you don't actually understand. People will
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: act like they are the expert on something because they
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: heard a few reels about it and were fed a
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: few things in the algorithm. And then they just like
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: spit out the same thing. They'll hear, you'll see a
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: lot of people, you know, a good example is social
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: media because they talk about, it's this education is like
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: blowing up on social media where they have to be
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: intelligent and give like great bits of information and education.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: So a lot of people will go on to chat
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: GPT or get information from other creators and whatever, and
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: just kind of rattle off this same information so they
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: can get more clout or they could get more audience
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: or more followers and they appear smarter than they are.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: But that's because they're behind a screen recording a video,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: spitting it out, whatever. But if that person was ever
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: to be interviewed, if that person was ever to be
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: on a panel or debate or meet with peers in
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: that field, if they themselves don't actually have a deep
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: understanding of the concept that they're trying to teach or
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: that they're trying to argue for, then they actually don't
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: know the topic whatsoever. They are just spitting out or
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: regurgitating what they've heard somewhere else. If you cannot explain
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: the basics of what you are talking about, then you
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: don't understand the concept properly. That's why I always say
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: if you're trying to learn something, the best way to
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: actually know if you're learning properly is to teach it
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: to someone else. And when you start to teach it,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: you really start to see the gaps in your own
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: knowledge because you're unable to explain certain things. And that's
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: what you need to go and study further. I find
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: that's one of the best ways to learn something. How
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: well can I explain it in the most simplified way
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: possible that makes sense to the lay person who doesn't
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: understand kind of the depths of the field that I'm
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: trying to talk about, okay? Like for me, I'm familiar
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: with electricity. I know what it does, but I can't
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: tell you how it does it, okay? So I don't
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: claim to be an expert just because I interact with
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: electricity every single day. I might know my neighbour, right?
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: as an acquaintance, but I can't tell you that I
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: know the ins and outs of their life and who
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: they are and what their character is like, unless they're
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: actually my friend, which my neighbors are not actually my
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: friends in where I live right now. Right. So you
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: could say, you know, those people that go to a
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: country once and then act like they're an expert on
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: that country. No cunt, you visited the country. You haven't
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: lived there. You don't know what the political landscape is
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: like as a citizen living there, growing up the education system, this, that.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: So there's, there's, When people try and shut you down
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: just because they've heard of something or just because they're
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: familiar with something, make sure that they're not bluffing or
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: bullshitting because they actually lack deep understanding. Prod them and
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: get them to actually explain themselves and see if they
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: can back themselves with their word. Number four, when people
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: refuse to entertain an idea because it's not their lived reality.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: In other words, someone that can't entertain a hypothetical scenario
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: and they dismiss it. Like say, for example, they weren't
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: very nice to someone. And then you brought up to
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: them and say, well, how would you feel if you,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: and then you offer like a similar life circumstance that
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: that person was, that maybe this person was really annoying
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: and then they brushed them off, they were rude. And
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: then you said, you shouldn't be mean like that. How
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: would you feel if you maybe were you know, trying
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: to raise three children and this and that. And they're like, well,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: it's not me. So I don't know that. Well, I
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: don't know. It's not me. It's not me. They can't
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: think of a hypothetical scenario when you say, how would
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: you feel if this happened to you? Well, I don't know.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: People that refuse to engage in a potential hypothetical, it's
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: showing lack of, you know, creative and critical thinking. They
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: can't put themselves in the shoes of other people. And
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: it's also a form of manipulation in the sense if
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: you're trying to get them to see something from their
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: point of view and they shut it down because they're like, well,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: how would I know? Because I can't. They are basically
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: saying to you, because it's not my lived experience, I
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: will refuse to imagine myself in that experience. And unless
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: this person has no capacity to imagine, full stop, they're
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: probably just bullshitting you and they just don't want to
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: engage in this conversation and they don't want to empathize
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: with you. Okay. So when someone does that, ask them,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: are you choosing not to, or do you just have
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: a lack of ability to imagine in general? Because I
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: don't buy that. Number five, extreme black and white thinking.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So when someone criticizes something and then they feel like
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: they have to hate everything about it. Like, let's say
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: you have one criticism about a celebrity or a political
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: party or a restaurant. And then now the whole thing's shit.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: That whole political party, nothing good can come of it
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: because I don't like that one policy that they have.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Or that celebrity said that one thing, they're a dog.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: They're a dog. I can't hate them. Or maybe your
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: friend came over. and mentioned something and you're like, I
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: can't stand her because she said this and now you've
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: just painted her with this brush just because of one
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: sentence that she said. Now, there might be some dead
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: giveaway things that maybe give away that someone's a fucking homophobe,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: in which case, fine, but in general it could be
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: just like, you know, a misalignment in taste or, you know,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: smaller things that aren't so significant that don't demonstrate such a,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: you know, an insight into someone's character and they're able
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: to basically you know, dismiss something based on this black
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: and white thinking. This level of dismissal makes it really
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: hard for you to put across a fair argument and
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: say things like things that I like about this person
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: or this movie or that the younger generation or the
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: older generation, you know, they're more likely to make sweeping statements, generalizations,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: be racist. They're more likely to be homophobic. They'll see
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: a behavior that one person displays and they take that
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: as a representation of like the broader group that they're
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: a part of without looking deeper into it. Okay. So
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: extreme black and white thinking is a way of kind
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: of being radical. So if someone is engaging in this
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: extreme black and white thinking and you're trying to discuss
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: with them, bring it up with them. Just say, is
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: this how you feel about everything? If you always thought
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: about one negative thing, does it mean that the whole
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: thing now needs to be thrown in the bin? Like
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: what does that represent for you? Are you able to
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: see in between the black and white? So instead of
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: buying into that kind of thinking, question them on their logic.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Number six, this idea, and I'm going to be the
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: first to put my hand up and say that I
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: used to fall for this as well. I've probably said
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: it on my podcast too, but I'll eat my words
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: and I'll publicly eat them now. You know, when someone says,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: you know, um, if they're not nice to the waiter,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: then they're not a nice person. And so because of that,
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: they think, well, being nice to the waiter would indicate
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: that they are a good person. How you treat an
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: absolute stranger who is of no benefit to you really
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: is a mark of your character. I disagree with that
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: because a stranger is not seeing you at your most vulnerable,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: especially the waiter, is probably not pushing your buttons where
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: you're being taken to, you know, these strong emotions in
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: your life. How you treat your loved ones behind closed
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: doors when nobody is watching determines if you have good
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: character or not. So that's where I change my tune.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: I think you should respect the waiter or absolutely anybody,
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: anyone that you interact with who hasn't given you reason
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: not to respect them. So I stand by that as well,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: but I don't think that's the mark of a good character.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: So I take back that if I've ever said it before,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: because I know I used to believe it, but I
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: take that back. I think that we fall for, it's
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: called the halo effect, and it's you see someone do
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: a really nice act, so you believe that they're a
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: good person in general. If I saw a stranger do
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: this lovely act and then give a huge tip to
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: this waiter because they knew that something was going on
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: in their life that was hard and then they were
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: just generous, then it means that they are generous to
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: the waitstaff and that was a kind, generous thing to do.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Do I now know that this person is a good person? No,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: I don't. That's why they had to abolish character references,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: at least in Australia, in sexual assault cases. Because what
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: good is it if I think my colleague is a
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: fucking legend if he's then going and abusing women? Like,
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: what the fuck does it matter? Who cares if you
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: see someone who's lovely and friendly to other people, but
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: then behind closed doors is a fucking narcissist to their partner?
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: So for me... This halo effect, it's really important to
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: be aware of. Don't bite the bait. And it's not
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: to say be a pessimist either, but you can't say
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: if someone says, oh, you know, we're going to have
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: to break up because this horrible stuff has been happening
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: behind closed doors. And you're like, oh, but they've always
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: been so nice. They're so nice. I hate it. If
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: someone tells you something awful that someone's done to you
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, but they've always been so nice
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: to me, so I just don't want to get involved.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: It's like, do you have morals or not? And how
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: close are you with this friend? Like fair enough if
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: someone's a patholog liar and they're trying to sling shit
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: about someone that's a different story but if my best
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: friend Liv came up to me and really confided in
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: me and told me some something that a mutual friend
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: of us had done that was so morally wrong to
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: her I don't care if they've never done it to
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: me I would cease to be their friend obviously because
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: it's a moral issue Okay, so don't bite the bait
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: of this halo effect. So I guess number six is
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: the halo effect. Number seven, learn to recognize a false dilemma. Okay,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: so someone often will give you two choices as though
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: they're the only choices available. Like, you know, the marriage thing. Like,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: if you don't want to marry me, you don't love me.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: They're the only two options. Whereas you could be like, actually,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: I do love you, but I don't know you long,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: like I haven't known you long enough to marry you.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: And if those are the two options on the table,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: then you're simplifying something that's a lot more complicated. Or
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: you could say, I've never wanted to be married because
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: the idea of marriage actually is something that doesn't appeal
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: to me. I don't like the idea of marriage, but
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: I do love you. But if you want to interpret
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: that as me not loving you, there's nothing I can
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: do about it. Okay. You have to, there aren't always
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: only two possibilities. There's sometimes a third or a fourth
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: or a fifth possibility in there. You know, it's like
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: either you believe him or you believe me. It's like, well, actually,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: maybe I don't have enough evidence to be able to
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: believe either of you. Maybe I don't have to side
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: with one of the two of you guys because I
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: haven't seen what went down. You know, um, You know,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: if you disagree with this policy or this thing right there,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: it means that you don't support this or you don't
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: care about this. That kind of dilemma, this false dilemma,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: if you don't this, then it means this, or if
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: you're not going to do this, then it must mean
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: that you don't do this. That needs to be countered
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: with there aren't always two options in this dilemma. There
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: could be a third option, and that third option is
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: where I am right now. And I'll tell you what
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: it is. But if you don't want to buy it,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: that's now on you. Because I've communicated. I haven't bought
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: into the only two options that you've given me. Because
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: your reality is different to my reality. You might think
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: that me not wanting to marry you means I don't
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: love you. But I'm telling you right now, I do
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: love you. But if marriage equals love, then you need
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: to find a partner that fits that, right? So... Number eight,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: watch when someone creates urgency. So urgency makes critical thinking
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: harder because you've got less opportunity to gather information like
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: compare the different alternatives, make sure that it's the right
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: decision for you. You're not able to kind of regulate
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: and make a decision based on like logical, calm thinking.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: You're kind of pushed into it. That's why a contract,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: the signing of a contract can be void if you
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: could prove it was signed under duress, right? Because this
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: is this sense of urgency. You've got to sign it
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: now because if you don't sign it, that actually can be,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: you can argue that in law, like in the court,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: if you were forced to sign a contract because of urgency,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: within reason, obviously. So when people say, I need an
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: answer right now, or, you know, if you leave this
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: relationship today, we're done. We're never coming back. Or if
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: you leave the house today when you're done, you're done.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: This relationship is done. You know, this opportunity disappeared. And
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: it's a marketing tool as well. But sometimes urgency is legitimate.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: And I think most people are fair enough to understand
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: when that is the case. But when they fake urgency
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: to put you under pressure to do something is when
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: you need to kind of step away and say, your
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: timeline doesn't work for me. So if this is actually
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: the timeline, it's unfortunate because I'm not going to be
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: able to adhere to that timeline. I can still do it,
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: but not by your timeline. Okay. Okay. Now, like I said,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: there are going to be certain things, like certain appointments
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: that you can only actually get into one slot versus another.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Like if I needed to get a scan when I
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: was pregnant, I wouldn't be like, your timeline doesn't work
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: for me because you've only, no, that's obviously different. But
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: in general, especially not so much marketing, because you don't
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: have to lean into that, but especially in a relationship
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: when they're trying to push something on you, push an
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: answer out of you and give you like a crazy
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: deadline that's unrealistic or unfair. That's when you need to
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: note it and let them know, I know that you're
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: using this as a tactic and it's not working. Number nine,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: this is when you're arguing with someone. Learn to spot
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: a moving goalpost when you're arguing with someone, okay? So
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: for example, they'll be like, well, prove it. And so
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: they say, show me one example of what you're talking about.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: So you're like, okay. And you produce one example of
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: what you're talking about. And they're like, well, that's only one.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: That's only one example. So you found one. Oh, good
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: on you. You found one. So then you show a
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: couple more examples and they're like, yeah, okay. Okay, fine.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: So you found a couple of examples, but that doesn't
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: actually represent what I'm talking about. And then you show
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: maybe other evidence. And then they're like, well, you know,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: statistics don't actually tell you everything and this and that.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: So these people that keep moving that goalpost further and
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: further and further, every time you literally give them exactly
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: what they asked for, it's not enough. More what they
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: asked for, it's not enough. So what I would do
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: in that situation, if you can be bothered to keep
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: arguing with this person who clearly doesn't seek to understand
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: or doesn't seek to be like, you know what, there
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: is some evidence. Maybe I haven't fully bought into it yet,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: but I can see that there is valid evidence for
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: the other side. Maybe I'll take time to look at it. No,
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: these people are like, no, no, no, I refuse that
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: you are right. I have to be right. So then
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: what I would say is before I continue, what evidence
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: would actually, would you actually accept as being enough? Like
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: what would you actually need to see as being enough? Otherwise,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: this is not a debate. This is you just trying
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: to prove me wrong on everything that I've said. This
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: is you just trying to dig your heels in. We're
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: not having a healthy debate back and forth where you're
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: accepting what I tell you and then you do a
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: healthy rebuttal. Or you maybe agree or you admit that
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: maybe on one thing you thought it was different and
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: now have presented you with actual evidence as to why
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: it's not the way it is. All of that. So
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: this is what you say. Before we continue, what evidence
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: would you accept as sufficient? And if they can't answer
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: that or if they give some crazy whatever, just say,
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: I'm not buying into that. I'm not engaging in this
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: because this is not a fair conversation. Okay? And then lastly...
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Get really good at tolerating the discomfort of not having
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: an opinion on something. People are, there's kind of this
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: expectation and more so now with social media and like the,
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: especially no offense, but on TikTok, there's so much hate.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: There's so many haters. It's painful. Oh my God. The
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: amount of times I'm like, oh, just get off TikTok.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I'll get it. Oh, I'll just get off. Like people
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: just love to hate. TikTok should be called misery talk, right?
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Unless you're down like the comedy, comedy talk or dog talk. Beautiful.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: love dog talk. Anyway, that's how I feel. But people
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: think that you should shed this passionate, passionate opinion and
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: a position on really complicated subjects. You know what? It's
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: actually very empowering to be like, I'm not educated enough
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: on that topic to be able to have a really
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: strong opinion on that. And until I'm educated enough, I'm
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: not going to share my opinion on that because I
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: just genuinely don't know. And I don't feel comfortable backing
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: an opinion when I don't know enough about the subject matter. Okay.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: People who are very easily convinced by something can't fathom
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: how you wouldn't have an opinion on it. You know,
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: some people like, you know, take in all this biased information.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: So for them, it's blatantly clear. How could you not
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: look at it that way? But then if you're more
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: of a critical thinker, that's trying to look at both
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: sides of the coin and being like, I've seen that side.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I've seen that side. Now I feel like I need
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: to dig a whole lot deeper. Because if you only
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: ever fed one side of the coin, it's very easy
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: to get passionate about that. But then if you never
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: look to the other side of the argument, you never
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to understand why it is that people believe
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: that's the other way. Why it is that they feel
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: that other way. You don't have to agree, but maybe
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: you come to the understanding as to why they got
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: to feel that way, which is maybe opposite to this group.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: And then when you understand deep enough, there's going to
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: be certain subject matters that you're like, A, I don't
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: understand enough, or B, I understand so much that now
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: I find it hard to form my opinion in Because
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I'm in neither of those two groups and I can
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: see both sides, right? So if you can tolerate the
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: discomfort of not having a strong opinion on something and say,
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: you know what, I don't know enough about this yet,
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: or I feel like I'm not qualified to have an
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: opinion on this thing either. And yeah, a lot of
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: people aren't going to like it and they'll try and
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: push you. No, but you have to have an opinion.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: You have to. No, I don't. No, I don't. And
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that I don't care. At times it
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: means that maybe you do care even more because you
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: want to be very educated and measured when you do
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: have an opinion on a particular topic. Now, there's going
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: to be some topics that are more sensitive than others
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: and that's, you know, your call. But yeah, manipulation is
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: going to be a whole lot harder when you're, you know,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: not easily forced into one school of thought over another.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: So those are the 10. I'm going to summarize the
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: 10 in total. So number one, we have the loaded analogy.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: Number two is the my truth versus the truth. Number three,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: don't confuse familiarity with understanding. Number four, refusing to entertain
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: an idea because it's not their lived reality. Number five,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: extreme black and white thinking. Number six, the halo effect.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: You know, when someone does one good thing, you just
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: think that it means that they're a good person, how
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: they treat a stranger, etc., Number seven, learn to recognize
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: a false dilemma. Number eight, watch when someone creates urgency
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: and tries to push that onto you to make a decision.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: Number nine, learn to spot moving goalposts when you're having
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: an argument or when you're debating someone. And number 10,
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: learn to tolerate the discomfort of not having an opinion.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: Hopefully this resonates. with you guys. And if anything, if
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: you're like, well, no one manipulates me in my life. Brilliant.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: But if anything, it's made you a better critical thinker.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: Maybe you yourself can be like, I can see when
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: social media is doing that to me, or I can
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: see where I myself have had black and white thinking,
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: or where I myself do the create urgency with my partner,
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: maybe that's not very nice, or when I feel like
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I have to have an opinion when it's okay not to,
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: or when I say my truth in order to stop
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: someone accusing me of doing something when in reality I
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: am at fault, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So yeah,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: I just feel like you'll be a lot happier And ironically,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: way more confident in yourself when you could admit that
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: you can be better at something, that you could become
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: a better critical thinker, that you can critique your own behavior.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: It actually makes you less likely to put yourself down,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: but you realize that you can learn, that you're dynamic,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: that you can adapt, and it actually increases your confidence.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: It increases your self-confidence and increases your confidence when you
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: interact with other people. So that is the episode of today.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for tuning in. Share this episode. Rate, obviously,
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: five stars. Leave me a little message. Comment below and
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: let me know which one of those points was your
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: favorite if you are listening to this on Spotify. And
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I will see you back here or you'll listen to
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: me back here next week. As always, remember, be kind
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: to yourself, be kind to your brain. Don't take shit
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: from anyone and especially don't take shit from yourself. Danke.