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I Thought I Could Do It All in My Third Trimester... · Life After Birth by Her Health Room

• 0:00
  If you're in your third trimester or you know someone who is, then you have to watch this video.
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  I've just had a baby recently, and I'm going to share with you what my third trimester was like, what came up for me, what I wish I had done differently, and leave you with some practical steps about what you need to do to make sure that you're thriving and not just surviving in your third trimester I'm gonna preface this with the fact that my body told me a lot to stop.
• 0:22
  But did I listen?
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  No.
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  At 37 weeks, I decided to host a party in my house with 80 plus people, was doing all the running around.
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  And at the end of this video, I'm gonna tell you what symptoms I felt were provoked by the fact that I'd overdone it.
• 0:37
  So let's start at 28 weeks.
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  In case you're new here, I'm Remi.
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  I'm an obstetrics and gynecology doctor with more than 10 years experience, and I'm building this platform to provide you with safety, clarity, and support as you navigate both the pregnancy and the postpartum period.
• 0:49
  Subscribe to this channel and share it with somebody else The third trimester officially begins at about 28 weeks.
• 0:54
  And I've got videos on this channel where I talk about what I did before getting pregnant, my first trimester, second trimester, and now this video is for my third trimester.
• 1:02
  I will have some videos about my induction of labor, whether I was able to manage to do it naturally or not, and what my first few weeks postpartum have been.
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  the reason I'm doing this is to provide you with my lived experience coupled with my medical experience to make sure that I'm answering questions that I think you actually want to know.
• 1:20
  If you've had your baby already whilst watching this video, congratulations.
• 1:24
  Down below I have A postnatal recovery check-in.
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  This is a questionnaire that will tell you what you need to focus on in the next seven to 30 days in your postnatal period.
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  So take that test below at 28 weeks I was still working, which a lot of you probably still are.
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  And I can't say that there was any drastic change but from 28 weeks onwards, the medical appointments, ramped up, so I'd had my blood test done to check my full blood count.
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  I've mentioned before that I knew I was iron deficient, and I knew I had a low blood count.
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  And so it was just being tested again at that point.
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  And at that point I was very much very vocally asking for an iron infusion, so an iron drip instead of taking the tablets,'cause I really can't stand the tablets, and I've gone into this in more detail in other videos.
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  The other test that I had to do at 28 weeks was the diabetes test.
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  Now, this is my third pregnancy.
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  The second time I've had to do this test, and I absolutely detest it.
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  The last time I did it, so with my second daughter, I literally almost fainted in the waiting room between the disgusting sugary drink and the blood test.
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  This time round, I get to the department already dreading that I'm gonna have to sit there for ages and just tolerate not having anything to eat, which is hard at the best of times, let alone when you're pregnant.
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  So this time, luckily, I actually can't tell why, it wasn't as bad as the time before.
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  Found somewhere in the hospital, sat with my laptop, did some work for two hours, and my test the following day came back as not having any signs of diabetes, which is a win.
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  And so if you're in the UK, they will offer this to you if you've got a strong family history or you're from a ethnic background that suggests that you could be at higher risk of diabetes, and I fell into that category.
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  People who've had diabetes in a previous pregnancy, would also get the test, and sometimes you wanna get the test at 16 weeks, again at 28 weeks.
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  It can also be repeated as the pregnancy goes on.
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  I'd say that my midwifery appointments had picked up.
• 3:19
  So things about feeling the baby's movements, checking the growth of the baby because, again, that's when they're more likely to start measuring the tummy if that's the pathway you're on, or measuring the baby with a scan.
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  Now, my physical symptoms.
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  So in my second trimester video, which I'll link up here if I've not linked it before, I had made a plan that between 18 weeks and about 34 weeks is what I'd said to myself,"I'm going to go HAM.
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  I'm gonna work hard.
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  I'm gonna produce content for this channel.
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  I'm gonna make sure that I'm really doing the things that I know once the baby comes or once I'm in the late trimester I won't have the energy to do." Boy, was I wrong.
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  So in my head, I genuinely thought I had up to 34 weeks to get everything done.
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  Bearing in mind I'm working a full-time job, still at home with the kids, looking after the house, being the main person who cooks, all of that stuff.
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  By about week 30, the drop-off was insane.
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  And I knew it wasn't because I was anemic because by 29 weeks, I'd had the iron infusion and I was less breathless.
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  Feeling like I'd gotten a spark back.
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  But by 30 weeks, there was a considerably increase in fatigue.
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  I'd have back pain, wasn't really sleeping at night.
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  Tossing and turning was painful.
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  Invested in a pregnancy pillow, and that didn't really do the trick.
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  And stupidly, I remember going to a midwife appointment and they said,"Do you want a referral to the physiotherapist?" And I was like,"No, I think I'll manage with the pregnancy pillow and some painkillers." And I was wrong.
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  So I'm gonna interject here and say, if you have back pain, pelvic pain, pain worse on turning in bed, and you are offered an intervention, take it.
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  And being a know-it-all obstetrician, I'd refused.
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  I said,"Look, I've got a waist pregnancy belt.
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  I've got the pregnancy pillow.
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  I'll manage with some painkillers." And so when I then got to 37 weeks and the pain had gotten considerably worse, I then made the request for a physio referral at that point.
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  Did it happen?
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  No.
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  I am now four weeks after the baby has been born.
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  Has it happened?
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  No.
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  So the sooner you ask for help, the better, especially if you're in a network or a setting where a referral process can take a long time.
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  Obviously, if you're in a healthcare system which means that you can pay for physio or it's a quicker appointment than it is in the UK, then by all means you could see, test it out, do some home remedies.
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  But by and large, not taking the intervention earlier And so I don't lose track.
• 5:55
  I I try and look at everything when I'm trying to help women navigate pregnancy and postpartum through three lenses.
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  Physically mentally, emotionally and what's happening in your social life.
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  So relationships, work, friendships, anything like that.
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  So physical, i've mentioned the blood tests, the diabetes check, the back pain, the fatigue, the iron infusion.
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  And then so mentally, I would think about things like how is your mental health doing?
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  And so for me, I don't have a history of a mental health condition, but I do know when I speak to patients, often the third trimester is when things can get worse.
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  And emotionally, how are you doing?
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  And so for me, because again, this was a very wanted pregnancy, it'd come at a time where I'd completed a milestone, and so for me it's like you're entering a time of rest.
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  And in actual fact, having a baby is not restful.
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  I don't know why I lied to myself.
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  It really is not restful at all.
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  And because I wasn't sleeping well, I was tired through the day and still trying to get through the day and work through the day.
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  And emotionally I felt an increase in rage.
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  I just had less patience for the children, for my husband, for work, like everything became irritating.
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  And if I'm being honest with myself, that's not new.
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  Like that's the type of symptom I would get in the week before my period starts, so for me, that fits.
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  I was just like cranky, and so much so that my daughter, she was eight at the time, was like,"Mommy, why are you angry all the time?" And so for me, I was like, oh, I need to check myself because, we are obviously subject to how our hormones are, but we do have some control.
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  So I had to sit both the kids down and say,"Look, Mommy doesn't sleep as much.
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  Mommy's really tired.
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  Mommy gets really cranky, and I'm sorry if I take it out on you." So it felt for me emotionally, I just had to rein it i- in a little bit.
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  I had to be conscious of when I was becoming irritable so that it wouldn't affect my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my children.
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  And obviously in a professional setting you can really bite your tongue, which is what I was doing.
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  But from a mood perspective, I was okay.
• 7:55
  And I would just say because in the past I've suffered with low mood after having a baby, I've been a bit more deliberate about what my thoughts are like, how I can manage my emotions, manage my thoughts, and it's not something that I really thought of until my late third trimester as I was prepping for the postpartum period but that's definitely something that came up for me.
• 8:15
  And quickly going back to the physical symptoms'cause I've forgotten something.
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  Towards the end, in addition to the back pain was swelling.
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  So every time I saw the midwife, every time I saw a doctor, I got my blood pressure checked, I got my urine checked, and they were always okay.
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  So there was no issues with, high blood pressure.
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  There was no infection in the urine, nothing like that.
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  No concern for preeclampsia but my legs started to swell.
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  I noticed that because I was more stationary for work, that my legs were just swollen, and I would try and elevate them.
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  And also it was London during a heatwave.
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  It was a lot.
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  It was a lot.
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  So in addition to all the other physical symptoms that one might expect during the third trimester in pregnancy, also doing it in a heatwave.
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  So whenever I'd leave the house, making sure I had plenty of water, going into places that would cool me down as opposed to just sitting in the sun.
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  I might actually do a separate video on being pregnant in a heatwave because I think that's, given climate change, something that's gonna happen more often And more importantly, Braxton Hicks.
• 9:15
  And I will cover this particular topic off more so in my next video when I speak about natural methods and induction of labor and things that I had done.
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  But I'd started feeling Braxton Hicks more convincingly from about mid-second trimester, so maybe about 22 weeks, 23 weeks, I'd start feeling the tightening of the uterus.
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  And obviously, this just increased as the pregnancy carried on.
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  So much so that I thought that the baby would come early, or earlier.
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  and that you'll find out in the next video what actually happened with that.
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  But Braxton Hicks is where your uterus muscles are contracting, practicing, whatever you wanna call it.
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  They are uncomfortable, typically not painful, don't typically take your breath away.
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  But the idea is that if you're having them regularly, which I don't think I ever did, but if you're having them regularly every couple of minutes, then you do need to go and seek help.
• 10:03
  Again, a quick safety message.
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  Any bleeding, any loss of liquid, any discharge, any time the baby's not moving, these things in the third trimester are urgent and mean that you need to go and be seen in the maternity triage for assessment by a midwife and/or a doctor.
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  So I've mentioned a lot of the mental things that was going on with me.
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  The main thing is by the time I got to 37 weeks was just impatience, and really wanting the baby to come.
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  Like I, I was in the final stretch of the pregnancy and I was just like,"This needs to end." And largely because I was in pain.
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  My back hurt, my legs hurt, my tummy was huge.
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  Huge for me.
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  And the baby was measuring big.
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  And because the baby was measuring big, I then got an extra scan at about 36 weeks to see the baby's size.
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  And on the scan the baby was measuring big for me.
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  And I had another scan two weeks later and it was quite consistent that the baby was gonna have a big tummy.
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  That's what they said on the scan anyway.
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  And then going on to the life aspects, like I was going body, mind and life.
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  And so life aspects, I've got work which I was trying to finish off, all the things that they wanted me to get done before I left.
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  It just felt like after a period of lull during the job, it intensified in the third trimester and I had three weeks in which I needed to get so many deliverables done because in my job it was said to me that I wouldn't have a job after the maternity leave.
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  So in my head, it wasn't like I could leave anything hanging, making sure that whatever was left behind, I'd hand over to somebody else.
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  And I actually did a LinkedIn post on that because going into my maternity leave, not having the security of a job at the end of it is actually really nerve-wracking, but also a little bit freeing.
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  And I struggle to know where I sit with that day to day.
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  At the moment I'm nervous.
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  Last week I was happy And it changes day to day how I feel about the fact that I don't have a job after this.
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  And I have skills, and obviously I can apply for work, but even the idea of applying for work whilst you're on maternity leave, supposed to be resting, supposed to be recovering, is a lot.
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  Is a lot.
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  And if that's something that you're going through, like I sympathize with you and I've had so many reassuring comments.
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  So I will do a separate video on that.
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  So I had a party with 80 people in my house at 37 weeks, like a loony.
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  But it was gorgeous.
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  And it was a success.
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  But the run-up to it was cleaning my house.
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  Luckily outsourced a lot of the cooking to grandparents, so that was really useful.
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  But, constantly talking to people, walking up and down the house,"Oh, Remy, where's the drinks?
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  Oh, Remy, where's this?" And it was something I wanted to do'cause we'd had a lot to celebrate this year.
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  But it's something I probably would, in hindsight, have done earlier on, so maybe about 35 weeks.
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  I know, two weeks doesn't sound like much, but two weeks when you're carrying a heavy load and it's just getting bigger sounds like a lot.
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  And I think there was one point at the party where I literally dissociated.
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  I was like,"I need to go and sit down.
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  My back hurts.
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  My legs hurt.
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  I'm actually mentally no longer here." And so I went to go sit down in a separate room, and one of my sisters were like,"Are you okay?" I was not okay.
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  And like by the end of it, you might hear baby in the background, but by the end of this I then was like, had a shower, my legs were massive, they were really swollen.
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  I had to go lie down and my Braxton Hicks had gotten worse.
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  Like demonstratively worse.
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  Like it just, my uterus just kept contracting and I was like trying to entertain people, talk to them, keep my eyes open, be engaged and the baby was just like...
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  the baby wasn't, if I'm being honest, moving very much because I imagine I'd been active all day, but the contractions were a lot.
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  And it, they intensified for the next three days after the party.
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  So much so that I was like happy,"Yes, this baby's gonna come." And then they died down.
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  But no.
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  My body said,"Remy, it's time to stop.
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  Like it is okay." And like the fatigue I experienced after that was absolutely intense.
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  But being last minute, the confidence of a third time mom, I was like, I'm just gonna do shopping for the baby after the party at 37 weeks, at 38 weeks.
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  So we're traipsing round the shops buying stuff for the baby and I'm like, I'm actually feeling contractions.
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  I wasn't prepared.
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  Like I didn't have a crib.
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  We went to the shop at 38 weeks and I'd ordered a next to me crib, and they said it would come in 10 days.
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  And I looked at myself in the mirror and said,"Remy, are you a clown?
• 14:29
  How can you leave it this late not knowing the delivery plans?" Because if baby had come within those 10 days that I was waiting for the crib to come, where were they going to sleep?
• 14:40
  And the buggy we bought I think at 39 weeks, and when I went to do the checkout...
• 14:45
  Okay, it's a buggy car seat, converter because you need a car seat to take the baby out of hospital, right?
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  So I was like, oh, so bought it at 39 weeks and it said it was a 7-day delivery.
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  And then I panicked.
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  I'm like, okay, so if I then deliver the baby before the car seat arrives, how am I gonna get the baby How am I gonna get baby home?
• 15:03
  So the take-home from that is don't leave it too late.
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  Don't put yourself in a position of stress where you're then like,"Oh my gosh, am I then going..."'cause that's just unnecessary stress.
• 15:13
  have I left it too late?
• 15:14
  Meanwhile, I'm seeing people who are in their third trimester organizing caddies and nappies and things like that, and I think my hospital bag was only packed at 39 weeks, which luckily everything went well.
• 15:25
  But in hindsight, it's good to be prepared.
• 15:29
  It's good to not have stress.
• 15:30
  And I had my sisters, my mum in my ear being like,"Are you even ready?""What are you doing?" And I think it's'cause I'd focused on getting through with work, having a party, making sure the kids were okay, the summer holidays were planned, And stupidly put myself last So all in all, so that you have some takeaways to this video, what would I do differently?
• 15:49
  I'd write everything down.
• 15:51
  Think about, again, body.
• 15:53
  What's coming up for you in your body-wise, make sure that you're discussing your birth plan, which I've not gone into detail for this video because I do have a separate video about that.
• 16:01
  If you're in pain, ask for help early.
• 16:03
  If any symptoms come up, make sure that there's a plan for that.
• 16:06
  In your list, you do not have to do everything.
• 16:09
  If there's something in your list that you can give to a partner or a friend, then do so and protect your peace.
• 16:15
  Your sleep and your fatigue, things like that, I would suggest that you protect it.
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  So early nights, late mornings if you can, go for walks, keep yourself healthy, well-hydrated.
• 16:27
  and just, your hormones will be changing.
• 16:29
  Even with me when I was going through my bouts of rage, it's also really for me important that I was like,"Actually, I need sleep." And I have a wearable device where I was tracking my sleep, and my sleep debt was high.
• 16:42
  Like higher than it's been since having the baby, which is interesting to say the least And so all in all, the third trimester is a trip.
• 16:51
  It's a real trip.
• 16:52
  It's a time where most people will wanna have their baby showers, right?
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  So I've spoken a lot about hosting people in my house.
• 16:58
  I probably would do it elsewhere, do it in a venue, do it somewhere where someone else can do the tidy up and you're not responsible for that as well'cause although I had help with that, there was still a lot that I had to do after the party to get my house back in order.
• 17:14
  And if you're having parties with kids, it's another stress in and of itself, which I will not discuss at all.
• 17:20
  But making sure that you're picking a type of party or celebration that protects your peace ultimately, because it's not unusual to have a party in the third trimester.
• 17:29
  It's ty- typically though, baby showers, who plans them?
• 17:31
  I can't remember.
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  Is it planned by you?
• 17:33
  Is it planned by your friend?
• 17:34
  It's been a while.
• 17:35
  But the third trimester was a trip, and I hope that you have taken some valuable insights from my journey.
• 17:41
  If you are not yet in your third trimester, in your firs- first or second trimester, or you're trying to conceive, there are videos in this series that can hopefully help you along the way.
• 17:49
  Ask me anything down below, and I will try and answer.
• 17:53
  Again, this is educational purposes.
• 17:55
  It is not medical advice.
• 17:57
  This is a community I'm growing to help you navigate pregnancy or the postpartum period with safety.
• 18:04
  So safety first, making sure you're clear and supporting you along the way.
• 18:09
  If you've had the baby, there is a postnatal recovery check-in, where again, going through your body, your mind, like your life, where are you?
• 18:18
  What needs focus?
• 18:19
  And what can you do in the next 7 to 30 days to start taking charge of your postnatal recovery?
• 18:26
  And that you can do that test from someone who's just had a baby to someone who's got a three-year-old.
• 18:31
  So do that test down below I will be hosting a workshop in the next few weeks on postnatal recovery.
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  Going through body, mind, and life.
• 18:40
  What can we get clear on if we feel overwhelmed and confused?
• 18:43
  And what changes can we make to make sure that we're succeeding and thriving in our recovery period and beyond?
• 18:51
  So join the wait list, and once the workshop is live, you'll be one of the first people to hear about it.
• 18:58
  But until next time, subscribe to this channel