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Children-Discipline, Determination · Brewing Better Marriages

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I've been looking for you.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I've been looking for you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Brewing Better Marriages from T South Dakota with Philip and Debbie Sanders.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: If these podcasts have been a help to you, pass it on to others.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: And let us know with an email.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Also include any questions you might have on the subjects that we cover.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: A word that you will hear often is honorable, which means Honored, esteemed, precious, costly.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: And why we repeat this every podcast is this is combating the spirit of our age.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: Make a commitment.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: Have a committed attitude.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: This world today has a non-committed attitude.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Now the last few podcasts we've dealt with different things, but the last one was children's raising children God's way.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: And what was those three points, Deb?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: Direction, discipline, and determination.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: We talked about direction, and the illustration we used in that direction is planting a tree.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: What happens when you don't train a tree correctly?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna lean, it's gonna go the wrong direction.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the way it is with so many of our children.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: We haven't taken the time to train them properly biblically.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: How often should we train them, Deb?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7 says to teach them these things when thou sittest in thine house, when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, when thou risest up.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: So all of their life, whether you're putting them to bed, whether you're waking them up, whether you're going out the door, or whether you're coming in the door, it should have an integration of the Word of God.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm not talking about you need to quote John 3.16 to them when they get up, and John 3.17 to them when they go to bed, and John 3.18 when you go out the door, and John 3.19 when you come in the door.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: But it should be integrated into your life so that in everything that you do, they have learned that God has a direction for their life.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: He's going to be a part of it.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: So hopefully he's a part of your life, because how can you teach your children if you're not practicing it yourself?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: You heard it from the master here.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: She told you how it should be done first.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's in your life.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: But the second point is discipline.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: And that's a touchy subject in today's society.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: What does the Bible say about discipline?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 22.6 train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: That kind of leans back to the direction thing, isn't it?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Then in Proverbs 22, 15, foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: Let me talk about that verse just a moment here.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: I was uh listening to Chuck Swindahl on the radio years ago, and he was teaching on that subject, and he said that the word foolishness is the same word as rebellion.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: And what does the scripture say about rebellion?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: It says a sin of witchcraft.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so Chuck Swindahl, not Philip Sanders, okay.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm repeating it, but Chuck Swindah says, when you do not uh use the rod of correction on your child, that you are permitting them to become demon-possessed.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Well, have you ever seen that little kid in Walmart that wants to lay down on the floor and scream and cry and et cetera, when mama don't buy him the toy or candy that he's wanting?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: So what do we call that little kid?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there we go.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I be I better get off this subject right there.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so what does Proverbs 29, 15, 16, and 17 say?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, foolishness uh is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, a phrase that we have coined, and I don't know where it came from, so uh I I can't give you any direction on that.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: But rules without relationship results in what?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: In rebellion.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say that together.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Rules without relationship results in rebellion.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: So how do you line this out?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: How do you put rules out there?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: But first, before you just uh become a legalist and say this is the way it's going to be, and if you don't do it, you're going to get beat with a rod.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: First you must have a what?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: A relationship with that child.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: And and when you have a proper relationship, they will accept the correction that you want to give to them.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Now, am I going to say that, you know, am I going to tell you today that you need to go out and buy this or do that?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: My father was very uh uh adamant on, he said you don't use things to correct your children that are associated with personality.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, uh you know how it is.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: My my mom, uh it was whatever she could grab, whatever was close, a fly swatter, uh, you know, if it was uh her shoe or f her or you know her slipper hairbrush, whatever.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, uh sometimes there are three reasons that we discipline or we do discipline.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: And what are they, Deb?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Do you remember?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the first one would be disciplining out of anger.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_02: They've upset you.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: They've made all been there.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they've made you mad.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and what was the second one?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: The second one is out of embarrassment.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Man, has your kids ever embarrassed you, Debbie?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, sure.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sure.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Do you has your husband ever embarrassed you?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, that one too.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: We're on kids, though.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so you don't discipline your husband?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I try.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: I've tried for almost 50 years.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: And the third is what?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: Love.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Which one should be our motivation for discipline?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, Lord help us, out of love.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: You see, love is looking ahead.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: So what is this action going to create in your child?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Uh what is this, is it going to foster rebellion?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: Is it going to foster being a uh an arrogant person, uh, an undisciplined person in the future?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: It may not be just uh everything right now, but you've got to look ahead, and that's what love does.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's levels of discipline determined by that child's age and their maturity.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: You don't discipline a two-year-old like you would a twelve-year-old, or a ten-year-old like you would a fifteen-year-old.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: So you've got to understand that, you know, uh there's times I've thought as the years have gone by that I could wished I could go back to when they were under my feet and I just could give them a spat on the bottom and tell them, okay, straighten up.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you know better than that.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do that again.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Or when you were on the couch and they were not doing what you told because you were taking a nap, did that that didn't fit in there too good, did it?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: Go back to that time to when you could tell them this is why.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: And uh but you know what, Mom, our our lives have portrayed that.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then communicate your expectations, what you expect out of that child according to their maturity, so that they know what is expected of them and the consequences if they don't follow through.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: When so they understand that they're gonna helpfully think before they act.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then last of all, pray with that child after discipline.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: There have been times that my children needed the discipline that we gave, but it wasn't given correctly.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't out of love, it was either out of anger or embarrassment.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_02: But we always tried after discipline.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I said always tried is to have prayer uh with them.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: And why did we pray with that child after discipline?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Uh there's been times that I didn't do it right, and I would confess that in that prayer.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, you needed what you got, but I did it out of the wrong motive.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so I feel like I need to ask God to forgive me for my motivation.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Why did I do that?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: It was because I want them to know that I am not God.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not the ultimate answer.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: I answer to someone else for what I do.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that I could go back knowing these principles and and do it again, but you can't.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's the beauty of raising children, even when you're immature, maybe not understanding everything there is to know about what God wants from you, but now you can correct that.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: You can help that with their children.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: And we're setting the direction for their future in disciplining.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So in our way of disciplining, are we gonna cause them to be bitter, to be angry, to be uh hard, or are we gonna cause them to be sensitive and and understanding and um strive to please?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: Now, you know, one point I want to touch on before we get this uh closed down is we're living in a society that in our marriage conferences and places we go, we're seeing more grandparents that are raising grandchildren.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: God never designed for that to happen.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I understand we're living in a society that we can't control everything.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: There's some parents who have children who are not responsible enough to raise their own children.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so grandparents step in.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: But what happens is there is a philosophy that's called grandparenting, which we're softer on the children than what the parents are.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we see things from a whole different perspective than mom and dad.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: We're not the ones really responsible to see that they turn out, even though we have that desire in us.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: But m you know, grandpa and grandma don't do things the way like mom and dad did 'em.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: They're a little softer.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh maybe it's because we've been through some things and have experienced in life that teach us that a different uh softness and approach for the answers than just taking the switch or the rod.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: You know, mom, uh some of the things I know these podcasts are going not just to Christians, but some of them are going to those who are unsaved.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so what I want to say to this is you gotta do the best you can do.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: I understand that we're not we're not condemning you if you're raising your grandchildren.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: But your motive should not be uh let me have the kids and uh I'll do this.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: But your motive, especially as a Christian, is to say, God gave you these children, and you see things that needs to be trained in them that we as grandparents don't see.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so therefore uh the highest that can be done to them, especially as a Christian, is for you as a parent to take responsibility for what God gave you and what you have brought into this world.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, third point, which is what?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Determination.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Determine.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_02: Determine.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: You have to determine that this is going to last.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: God gave you these children, so therefore determine in your heart that you're going to make it.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Galatians 6 9 says, and let us not be weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Deb's favorite words to her kids when they would call and say, I just don't know if I can handle this.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's just about to drive me crazy.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: What do you tell them?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's what?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Babies, bottles, and diapers.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say that together.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's babies, bottles, and diapers.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: But what?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: This too shall pass.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so don't be weary in well doing.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Don't give up.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: There'll be a day that it will work.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, this is Philip and Debbie Sanders from T South Dakota.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for tuning in to our podcast.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: We'd encourage you to send us an email at Sanders Ministries at gmail.com.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: Or visit our website.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: Let us know that you've uh heard these and that they've helped you.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: That website is sandersh ministries.org.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Again, sanders dash ministries dot org.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: God bless until the next time.