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Andy Stanley - Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets, Part 4_ The Conscience Question · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: So let's begin with a question that I'm sure you
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: have pondered, probably most of your adult life. Why are
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: people Why are people who've had too much to drink
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: inclined to make such bad decisions? Do you ever wondered
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: about this? Why are people who've had too much to
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: drink so inclined to make bad decisions? Anybody out there
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: have any ideas? Oh? Yeah, I see that hand, go
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: ahead because they've had too much to drink. No, that's
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: not the answer. Anybody else. I mean, think about this.
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  Speaker 1: You've heard the stories. Perhaps you have some stories. Some
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  Speaker 1: are kind of funny now in hindsight, some perhaps tragic,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: some are still a bit hazy. So here's the question.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: What's the correlation. What's the correlation between alcohol consumption and
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: poor decision making? I mean, as far as I know,
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  Speaker 1: and you may know of an exception, but as far
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  Speaker 1: as I know, there's no correlation between alcohol and good
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  Speaker 1: decision making, right. I mean, I've never heard a story
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: that concluded with this. It's a good thing I was drunk,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: otherwise I might have made a really bad decision. Right anyway,
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  Speaker 1: So back to my really bad question, why are people
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: who've had too much to drink inclined to make bad decisions. Now,
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  Speaker 1: physiologically speaking, there are two reasons, and you probably know this.
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  Speaker 1: Alcohol actually increases the repo neephrine in the brain, which
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  Speaker 1: acts as a stimulant. And stimulants, of course increase impulsiveness
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  Speaker 1: and decrease in ambition, so there's less sensitivity to the
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  Speaker 1: potential consequences of a decision. Perhaps worse, alcohol actually temporarily
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  Speaker 1: impairs the activity of the prefrontal cortex. You know about
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of your brain
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  Speaker 1: that enables you to connect the dots, to think rationally
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  Speaker 1: and consequently to make good decisions. It's actually that part
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  Speaker 1: of your brain that didn't begin working properly until you
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: are about twenty or twenty one, or in my case anyway.
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  Speaker 1: The bottom line is simply this alcohol frees a person
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  Speaker 1: to act without thinking clearly or without feeling appropriately. It
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  Speaker 1: makes us brave when we should be cautious. It makes
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  Speaker 1: you loud when you should be quiet. I think White
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: said it perfectly when he described being arrested for public drunkenness.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Here's what he said. You may have heard this. He said,
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  Speaker 1: I had the right to remain silent but I did
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  Speaker 1: not have the ability to. People who've had too much
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  Speaker 1: to drink are inclined to make bad decisions because well,
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  Speaker 1: they're temporarily desensitized to social, cultural, and specifically relational cues.
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  Speaker 1: They ignore the obvious because well, when you're inebriated, it's
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  Speaker 1: just not all that obvious to them, right, So inebriated
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  Speaker 1: people they can't help themselves. When someone's drunk. They don't
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  Speaker 1: consciously ignore common sense. It's not that they consciously ignore
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  Speaker 1: common sense. It's like confidence sense isn't even there to
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  Speaker 1: be ignored. They don't consciously ignore their conscience. It's it's suppressed.
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  Speaker 1: Their conscience is in some ways it's switched off. That's
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  Speaker 1: why the following afternoon they are maybe you are texting
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  Speaker 1: with a friend. I did what You're sure it was me?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: There's video anyway, And what does this have to do
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: with you? Well, if you're drunk, it should be obvious,
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  Speaker 1: but of course it isn't, because well we've covered that, right,
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  Speaker 1: If you're sober, I want you to hang on and
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  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what this has to do with you. Actually,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you what this has to do
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  Speaker 1: with all of us. In just a moment. Today, we're
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  Speaker 1: in part four of our series Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets,
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  Speaker 1: Better decisions, Fewer regrets, And if you've been tracking along
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  Speaker 1: with us, you know that the big idea in this
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  Speaker 1: series is the often overlooked relationship between good questions and
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  Speaker 1: good decisions. Good questions and good decisions. Good questions actually
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  Speaker 1: set us up for good or better decisions. And I'm
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  Speaker 1: absolutely convinced that if you will get in the habit
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  Speaker 1: of asking, answering honestly, and acting on your answer to
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  Speaker 1: these five questions, you will make better decisions, and you
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  Speaker 1: will consequently live with fewer regrets. Your life will be better,
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  Speaker 1: and the people who look to you, the people who
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  Speaker 1: depend on you, their lives will be better as well, because,
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  Speaker 1: as we've said every week, we aren't the only people.
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  Speaker 1: We aren't the only people impacted by our decisions, and
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  Speaker 1: and we're not the only people impacted by our regrets either. Right, So,
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  Speaker 1: in part one I suggested you memorize the saying from
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  Speaker 1: the Book of Proverbs. Hopefully some of you've done this,
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  Speaker 1: and the saying goes like this, the prudence see danger,
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  Speaker 1: the prudence see danger, and take refuge. But the simple,
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  Speaker 1: the simple the naive, They just keep ongoing and they
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  Speaker 1: end up paying the penalty. And the reason I wanted
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  Speaker 1: you to commit this saying to memory is as straightforward
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  Speaker 1: as these five questions are. They're going to bring you
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  Speaker 1: into conflict with the sales associate that lives in your head.
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  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about, the one the sales
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  Speaker 1: associate in your head that wants you to act now,
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  Speaker 1: want you to decide fast, want you to decide on
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  Speaker 1: or focus on the immediate rather than the ultimate. And
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  Speaker 1: this saying or this verse is a reminder to look
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  Speaker 1: beyond the moment and not to look away from potential danger,
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  Speaker 1: the danger associated with the options you have a propensity
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  Speaker 1: to sell yourself on. These five questions will slow you
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  Speaker 1: down and help you see danger coming now again if
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  Speaker 1: you're tracking along with us. Our first question we called
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  Speaker 1: it the integrity question. And the integrity question is this,
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  Speaker 1: Am I being honest with myself? Am I being honest
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  Speaker 1: with myself? And then we added a word really? Am
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  Speaker 1: I being honest with myself? Really? Or am I selling
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  Speaker 1: myself on something I'm going to regret later? So I
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  Speaker 1: hope you've been honest with yourself, even if the truth
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  Speaker 1: about yourself makes you uncomfortable with yourself. Our second question
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  Speaker 1: was the legacy question, and the legacy question is what
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  Speaker 1: story do I want to tell? What story do I
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  Speaker 1: want to tell? When the decision that you're in the
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  Speaker 1: process of making right now, whether it's relational or financial,
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  Speaker 1: or academic or professional, When the story or the decision
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  Speaker 1: you're making right now is reduced to a story you tell?
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  Speaker 1: What story do you want to tell? What story do
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  Speaker 1: you want told about you? And the good news is
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  Speaker 1: this you get to decide as far as it's up
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  Speaker 1: to you. You write the story of your life, one
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  Speaker 1: decision at a time. And that brings us at last
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  Speaker 1: to our third question. We call it the conscience question.
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  Speaker 1: The conscience question, and this also brings us back to
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  Speaker 1: my opening question regarded annebriated people. Now, here's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: While intoxicated folks can't pay attention to external or even
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  Speaker 1: internal cues, us sober folks are often guilty of choosing
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  Speaker 1: to ignore external or internal cues. Right. I mean, intoxicated
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  Speaker 1: people have basically silenced their conscience. The sober people often choose, well,
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  Speaker 1: we sometimes choose to ignore our conscience. And by conscience,
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking about that internal tension competing for our attention
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  Speaker 1: when we consider an option that if we choose it,
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  Speaker 1: it's going to lead to regret. Intoxicated people can't help themselves,
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  Speaker 1: but oftentimes we won't help ourselves, and the outcome the
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  Speaker 1: consequences are often no less devastating. So our third question,
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  Speaker 1: a question we should ask anytime we're making a decision
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  Speaker 1: of any magnitude, is the this is their attention? Is
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  Speaker 1: there attention that deserves my attention while I'm making the decision,
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  Speaker 1: When I'm considering options and I'm sort of focusing in
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  Speaker 1: on one option, does that option create attention that deserves
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  Speaker 1: my attention? Now? Sometimes, actually, I think more times than
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  Speaker 1: we would like to admit, an option that we're considering
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  Speaker 1: creates tension inside of us. Something about it just doesn't
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  Speaker 1: seem exactly right. It gives us pause, causes us to hesitate,
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  Speaker 1: and initially, you know how this goes. Initially we have
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  Speaker 1: no reason why, we have no idea, why why is
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  Speaker 1: this bothering me? I've heard this referred to maybe you've
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  Speaker 1: heard this as well, referred to as a red flag moment.
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  Speaker 1: My dad, he had a different way of expressing this.
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  Speaker 1: He would say, I have a check in my spirit
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  Speaker 1: about that. I have a check in my spirit about that.
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  Speaker 1: And as a kid, this would drive me crazy because
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  Speaker 1: I would want information, you know, tell me exactly what
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  Speaker 1: you're talking about, and he would just smile and say,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't put my finger on it.
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  Speaker 1: There's just something that doesn't seem right about this. Now
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  Speaker 1: you may have another name for it, but you know
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  Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, right, This is just that internal
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  Speaker 1: sense of something about this. I don't know what it is.
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  Speaker 1: Something about this. Don't ask me a lot of questions,
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  Speaker 1: something about this just doesn't seem right. And when that happens,
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  Speaker 1: you owe it to yourself to pause and pay attention
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  Speaker 1: to that tension. Pay attention to the tension, don't ignore it,
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  Speaker 1: don't brush by it, don't rush by it, don't talk
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  Speaker 1: yourself out of it. Pay attention. Let it bother you. Now.
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  Speaker 1: The problem, of course, with this whole idea is that
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  Speaker 1: this is not easy to do, and it's not easy
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  Speaker 1: for all the same reasons we've talked about in this series.
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  Speaker 1: Focalism blurs and exaggerates things. Confirmation biased distorts things, Our
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  Speaker 1: schedules compress things. Sometimes we're in a hurry. Sometimes somebody
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  Speaker 1: else is in a hurry. The salesperson in our head
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  Speaker 1: is always in a hurry. And in most instances, we're
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  Speaker 1: under the impression. And this is huge. In most instances,
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  Speaker 1: I think we're under the impression that's bothering us isn't
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  Speaker 1: really bothering anybody around us. Everybody else seems to be
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  Speaker 1: fine with whatever it is we're considering. Nobody else in
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  Speaker 1: the office seems to be wrestling with their conscience. I mean, technically,
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  Speaker 1: it's not illegal, it's not immoral, but there's just something
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  Speaker 1: in you that feels like there's something not right about this.
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  Speaker 1: So when something dings your conscience, pay attention. Now. At
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  Speaker 1: this point, you may be thinking, and I get this.
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  Speaker 1: At this point you may be thinking, Okay, Andy, look,
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  Speaker 1: I'm not sure exactly what you're talking about, but I
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  Speaker 1: don't make decisions based on my feelings some intangible tension
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  Speaker 1: that probably doesn't deserve my attention. I just look at
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  Speaker 1: the facts and then I decide based on the facts.
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  Speaker 1: Allow me to push back just a little bit. Actually
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  Speaker 1: you don't, but I know it feels like you do.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, people who understand the brain and understand how
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  Speaker 1: the brain works here's what they say. They say that
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  Speaker 1: when we have these red flag moments, it's actually a
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  Speaker 1: specif part of our brain alerting us to pay attention.
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  Speaker 1: And if we pause, If we pause, we stand a
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  Speaker 1: far better chance of making a better decision. And if
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  Speaker 1: we don't pause, we sell ourselves right on pass the
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  Speaker 1: tension that deserves our attention. And in fact, if you
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  Speaker 1: are into facts, pause and more facts may in fact surface.
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  Speaker 1: This isn't emotionalism. In fact, it's actually a facet of
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  Speaker 1: your intellect trying to slice through the fog of the exaggerated,
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  Speaker 1: distracting bits of information cluttering your ability to think rationally.
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  Speaker 1: So pay attention to the tension. And then there's this.
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  Speaker 1: We've all had this experience. You're considering an option, you're
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  Speaker 1: in the middle of making a decision, you're considering an option,
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  Speaker 1: and you have sort of a plan coming together and
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  Speaker 1: nothing about it bothers you. Then somebody else comes along
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  Speaker 1: and points out something you hadn't considered before, and suddenly
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  Speaker 1: there's a tension where before there was no tension, a
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  Speaker 1: slight hesitation, And it's usually your mom, isn't it. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: moms are great about this, honey, That all sounds good,
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  Speaker 1: except for the fact that I think it's illegal. But
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  Speaker 1: it's not just our moms. Sometimes it's a friend. Hey,
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  Speaker 1: that sounds good to me. But what's your wife going
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  Speaker 1: to think about? That's what's your husband going to think about? That?
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  Speaker 1: Does your boss know about this tension? Can you afford
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  Speaker 1: that tension? Doesn't your contract rule that out tension? And
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  Speaker 1: of course the problem with somebody else bringing things to
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  Speaker 1: our attention is that it creates relational tension, doesn't it.
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  Speaker 1: And that's attention you should pay attention to as well.
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  Speaker 1: And here's why we all, and I'm including myself in this,
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  Speaker 1: we all have a tendency to dodge the truth by
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  Speaker 1: discounting the truth teller, right, I mean, you know, what
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  Speaker 1: does he know? What does she know? I mean, he's
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  Speaker 1: never walked in my shoes, he's never run a company.
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  Speaker 1: She's never you know, navigated the complexity of family life
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  Speaker 1: the way I'm having to navigate it. In fact, she
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  Speaker 1: can't even run her own life. I mean, look at
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  Speaker 1: his kids. Experts actually referred to this as the genetic
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  Speaker 1: fallacy or the fallacy of origins. Since I don't like
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  Speaker 1: where the information's coming from, I'm just going to ignore
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  Speaker 1: the information. So here's the thing. As you consider your options.
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  Speaker 1: If there's any hesitation around a particular option, pause and
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  Speaker 1: allow and I don't know a better way of saying this,
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  Speaker 1: just allow that tension to rise up and get as
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  Speaker 1: big as it can possibly get before you decide. If
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  Speaker 1: something bothers you, let it bother you. If something about
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  Speaker 1: him just doesn't seem right, if something about him just
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: kind of bothers you, or about her just kind of
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: bothers you, let it bother you. Right that job, offer
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: that invitation, that deal the fine print. Just if something
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  Speaker 1: bothers you, just pause and allow it to bother you.
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  Speaker 1: Face it, embrace it, but don't excuse it. Face that
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  Speaker 1: tension until it either goes away or you decide to
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  Speaker 1: go in a different direction. Pay attention to the tension.
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  Speaker 1: If you don't, well we'll get to that in just
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  Speaker 1: a minute. Now. There is a fascinating and rather well
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  Speaker 1: known narrative from the life of King David, Israel's second King,
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  Speaker 1: that illustrates the importance of paying attention to a seemingly
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  Speaker 1: irrational and in his case, an inconvenient tension. And I love,
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  Speaker 1: love love this story. Now, as you probably know, David
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  Speaker 1: steps onto the pages of history as a shepherd boy.
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  Speaker 1: During that season of his life as a kid, a
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  Speaker 1: prophet shows up at his house where he's living with
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  Speaker 1: his family and announces to his family that God had
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  Speaker 1: chosen David to be the next king of Israel. Now
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: that's a good day when a prophet shows up at
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  Speaker 1: your home to say that one of your kids is
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  Speaker 1: going to be the next king. Now the problem, of course,
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  Speaker 1: was Israel already had a king, Saul. Basaul wasn't doing
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  Speaker 1: a very good job king ing, so God decided to
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  Speaker 1: replace him, but not quite yet. So time goes by
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  Speaker 1: and young David has his legendary encounter with the Philistine
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  Speaker 1: giant Goliath that we all know about, and in that moment,
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  Speaker 1: after killing the Liafe, David immediately becomes a household name
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  Speaker 1: throughout the Kingdom of Israel and throughout the territory controlled
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  Speaker 1: by the Philistines as well, And it didn't take long
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  Speaker 1: before his popularity exceeded that of old King Saul, who
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  Speaker 1: was not a very good king. In fact, if you
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  Speaker 1: know this story, Saul becomes jealous of David, he tries
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  Speaker 1: to kill David. David is forced to flee and he
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  Speaker 1: becomes a fugitive, but by now he's a legend as
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  Speaker 1: far as the people of Israel are concerned. He's a hero,
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  Speaker 1: He's a war hero, and by the time he left
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  Speaker 1: saul service, he had a reputation not only as a
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  Speaker 1: warrior but as a leader. So dozens and then hundreds
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  Speaker 1: of men flocked to David's side. Before long he had
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  Speaker 1: his own, small, little army, but it was an army
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  Speaker 1: without a home. It was an army made up of people,
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  Speaker 1: just like David, fugitives from the law. So, as the
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  Speaker 1: story goes, eventually Saul gets some really good intel on
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  Speaker 1: David's whereabouts and he gathers together about three thousand soldiers,
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  Speaker 1: which in ancient times was a huge army. It was
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  Speaker 1: virtually impossible to gather that many soldiers in one place,
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  Speaker 1: But somehow King Saul pulls together three thousand soldiers because
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  Speaker 1: he feared David and he knew his military prowess, and
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  Speaker 1: he follows. He leads his column of soldiers into the
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  Speaker 1: desert of Ngeti to remove this threat to the throne
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  Speaker 1: once and for all. Because he'd heard that David had
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  Speaker 1: been anointed king and has a king. Of course, Saul
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  Speaker 1: wants his son Jonathan to become the next king. So,
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  Speaker 1: as the story goes, late one afternoon, as they're winding
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  Speaker 1: their way through the rocky, windswept hills of the desert
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  Speaker 1: of Hingeti, Saul halts the entire column of men so
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  Speaker 1: he can find somewhere private to relieve himself. He spies
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  Speaker 1: a cave and he heads off unaccompanied to take care
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  Speaker 1: of business. Now, if you know this story, you know
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: this is where the story takes a strange and somewhat
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  Speaker 1: providential twist. David and a handful of his merry men
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  Speaker 1: are actually hiding in the very cave that Saul chooses.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, what are the odds of that? I mean,
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  Speaker 1: talk about the stars lining up, the gods smiling on you.
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  Speaker 1: Right from David's perspective, this was a best case scenario. Apparently,
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  Speaker 1: what happened was this, When David got word because he
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  Speaker 1: had some men tell as well that Saul and his
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  Speaker 1: oversized posse were headed his way, he told his men
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  Speaker 1: to scatter hide in the hills until Saul and his
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  Speaker 1: soldiers passed through, and then once they were gone, David
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  Speaker 1: and his men would reconvene and escape in the opposite direction,
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  Speaker 1: and all of this was working perfectly according to plan
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  Speaker 1: until Saul gets nature's call, dismounts his mule, and makes
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  Speaker 1: his way up to the very cave that David chose
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  Speaker 1: as his temporary hideout. And when David and his men
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  Speaker 1: see Saul coming their way, what did they do? They
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  Speaker 1: just move further back into the cave. So imagine this
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: from David's perspective. He's inside the cave. He's back in
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  Speaker 1: the recesses of the cave. He's staring out at the
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  Speaker 1: mouth of the cave, and Saul appears as a silhouette.
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  Speaker 1: Saul has just come in from that bright Middle Eastern sun.
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  Speaker 1: He can't see a thing. He walks in just far
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  Speaker 1: enough to ensure his privacy. He takes off his robe,
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  Speaker 1: tosses it to the side, hikes up his outer garment,
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  Speaker 1: squats down facing the opening of the cave with his
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  Speaker 1: back to David and his men. Clearly, if you're David, right,
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  Speaker 1: clearly this was an omen. I mean, this was a
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  Speaker 1: sign from God. God had delivered David's enemy into his hands.
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  Speaker 1: What else could this possibly mean? I mean, he'd already
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  Speaker 1: been annointed king. Everybody knew he was next. The only
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  Speaker 1: thing standing in his way was the current king. And
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  Speaker 1: there he is unguarded, vulnerable, unsuspecting. And if David wasn't
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: thinking that, we know the men around him were. Because
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: of David's biographer, Well, here's what he says happened. He says,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: his men whispered to David as they were back in
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: the cave. They whispered to David. David, David, Look, this
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: is the day the Lord spoke of. This is the
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: day the Lord spoke of when he told you a
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: long time ago, I will give your enemy into your
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: hands for you to deal with as you wish. And
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: there he is, David, this is what you predicted. What happened.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Decision made. Let's kill Saul and go home. Enough of
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: this wilderness, fugitive living. It was. This was the perfect scenario.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, no civil war, think about it, no civil war,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: minimal bloodshed. So they're thinking, David, come on, just do it,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: kill the king before the king kills you. Besides, what
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: other option was there, I mean, remain an outlaw for
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: the rest of our lives. This needed to end and
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: this was the perfect clearly God ordain time to end it.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: So you can imagine you can just imagine the emotion
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: in the cave that afternoon, the adrenaline, and imagine the
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: pressure that David felt to act. But here's what makes
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: this story even more interesting. David felt something else as well.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: There was at tension about this. There was a hesitation,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: something about this wasn't exactly right. But he wasn't sure
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: what it was because in this scenario, in this context,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: the hesitation didn't make any sense. So he did what
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: many of us do. He decided to act. He drew
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: his dagger, and he crept up behind Saul with every
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: intention of slitting his throat. And if David is successful,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: the world as he and his men knew it would
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: change immediately. But as he gets closer, that tension increases,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: and David, this is so unimaginable, so amazing, And David,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: in spite of the fact that there seemed to be
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: no alternative, David paid attention to that tension. He let
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: what was bothering him bother him, and somewhere between leaving
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: his hiding place in the back in the cave and
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Saul's unprotected back, it dawns on him, just seconds away,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: seconds away from making decision everybody would understand and everybody
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: would applaud in. Just seconds away, he gains clarity. Wait
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: a minute, I'm about to murder the king. This isn't war,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: this isn't combat. This is murder, and this can't be right. Besides,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: he thought, who puts Saul on the throne of Israel
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: to begin with? Who made Saul the king? God did?
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: And who am I to replace what God has put
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: in place? This can't be God's plan. I can't kill
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: the king, even if the king is trying to kill me.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: So this is amazing. In spite of the pressure to act,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: in spite of the expectations of the friends just a
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: few yards behind him, David changes course. Now this is
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: the part of the story where we all have something
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: in common with David, believe it or not. Here's where
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: we have in common with David. David didn't know what
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: the outcome of killing Saul would be. Think about this.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: David didn't know for sure what the outcome of killing
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Saul would be. He thought he did, but there was
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: no guarantee things would work out the way he envisioned
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: things working out right. I mean, he thought he knew.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: The men with him, they thought they knew. It's simple
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: kill the king, become the king. Problem solved, right, I mean,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: what's up with all this hesitation? But there is no
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: guarantee that that would be the outcome. Now, please don't
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: miss this. One of the reasons this is so important.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: One of the reasons we ignore the tension when we're
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: making a decision. One reason we just push through and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: ignore the advice of other people or the voice of
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: our conscience. One reason we push through is this. We believe.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: We believe that in certain circumstances we can predict the future,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: that we can predict or even control outcomes. And when
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: we're convinced we can predict outcomes, when we think we know,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: we make decisions that often times we regret because we
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: don't know. We don't always predict the future. Right. You
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: don't always predict outcomes accurately, do you? Does anybody? Let
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: me ask you this, Have you ever been disappointed? Of
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: course you have, and what's disappointment. Disappointment is what we
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: experience when we miss predict the future. Now here's my point.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Ignoring that tension and your god, ignoring that tension sets
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: you up for disappointment. Paying attention to that tension, allowing
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: whatever it is that's bothering you. To bother you is
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: how you avoid unnecessary disappointment and regret. So back to David.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: He's inches away from Saul and it dawns on him. Hey,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: just because I kill the king doesn't mean I'll necessarily
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: become a king. But one thing is for certain, I'll
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: be the man who killed the king. That will be
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: my story for the rest of my life. That will
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: be my legacy. That's the story I'm gonna have to
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: tell my children. That's the story I'm gonna have to
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: tell my grand Imagine that, Grandpa, tell us one more time,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: how you became the king? How you snuck up behind
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: King Saul while he was using the potty and you
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: slit his throat. You're so brave, right, I mean, that's
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: not the story David wants to tell, and that's not
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: the story David wants told about him. In fact, the
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: author of this story says this that David was conscience stricken.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Conscience stricken, this is how we know he was paying
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: attention to the tension. So somehow, some way, he paid
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: attention to his conscience and he does something very few
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: people have the self control to do. He changed course midstream.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Instead of murdering Saul, he cuts off a corner of
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Saul's discarded robe, and he makes his way back to
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: the men in the back of the cave. And of
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: course they are in shock. I mean, they were so
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: close to going home, only to watch this perfect opportunity
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: slip through their callous fingers. And the expressions on their
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: face they said it all. They basically were saying, David,
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: you've got some blain and to do right. And so
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: he whispers. The biographer tells us that he whispers to
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: his men, the Lord forbid, the Lord forbid that I
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: should do such a thing. There, Wait a minute, why
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: did you leave the recesses of the cave, Then they
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: why are we here? The Lord forbid that I should
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: do such a thing to my master, the Lord's anointed,
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: to which they whispered, well, then let one of us
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: do it. But David sharply rebuked his men and did
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: cave and went on his merry way, having no idea
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: how close he came to losing his life. That afternoon,
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: Saul rejoins his men, gets back on his mule. He's
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: preparing to continue his search for David. When suddenly, this
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: is such an interesting dramatic part of the story, when
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: suddenly he hears a voice calling his name, Saul, Saul,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: and he three thousand heads turn and there stands the
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: very man they have been hunting, the man they are
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: paid to kill, the giant killer. There stands David, and
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: he's in the mouth of the cave that Saul just exited.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine the drama of this moment. And he's
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: holding something in his right hand. It's a piece of
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: cloth the color of Saul's royal robe. And Saul yanks
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: his cape around to look, and sure enough, the corner
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: is missing. And then David bows down to the ground,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: and at the mouth of the cave, he bows down,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: then he stands to his feet. He stands to his feet,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: and everybody recognized in that moment that David was the
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: better man. Once again, David was the hero in his
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: own story. He spared Saul's life when everybody knew that
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Saul would have taken his. And after a short speech,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: David concludes with this powerful, powerful statement, a statement that
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: we should all take to heart. He says to so all,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: with everyone listening May the Lord judge between you and me.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: May the Lord be the judge between you and me.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I'll wait, and I'll allow God to determine the outcome
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: of this conflict. I will not take matters into my
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: own hands, and I will not replace what God has
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: put in place. And I will not play God in
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: your life, Saul, and I will not play God in mine.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: And I will not use your bad behavior as an
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: excuse to do bad things, Saul. I will not be
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: like you. A measured response, for sure, A measured response
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: that resulted from paying attention to an inconvenient talk about inconvenient,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: an inconvenient irrational tension. Now back to this story. All
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: eyes are on Saul. He's been humiliated by David. But
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: here's the amazing thing. He wasn't humiliated by David's military skill.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: He was humiliated by David's humility. So what do you
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: do now? If you're King Saul, continue the pursuit, right,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: pursue a man who could have taken your life but
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: chose not to. Do you close your eyes and I'm
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: going to close my eyes and count to one hundred
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: and give you a head start. Right. I mean, even
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Saul knows better, so he turns his army around and
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: he heads back to the city. Well, let me ask
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: you a question. We'll get back to the story in
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: a minute. Do you want to be the hero in
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: your story? Do you want to be the hero in
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: your story? Do you know that you get to choose
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: whether or not you're the hero in your own story?
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be the hero in your story?
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Go back to what we talked about last time. Do
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you want to write a story you'll be proud to tell,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: and you'll be proud for your children and your grandchildren
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: to know and to tell. Then pay attention, Pay attention
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: to that tension. Months later, Saul and his army are
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: embroiled in a battle with the Philistines when a random
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Philistine archer station just behind the Philistine infantry, launches an
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: arrow intended to fall randomly among the Israelite army. But
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: this random archer's random arrow found a seam and Sauls
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: armor and he's mortally wounded. He doesn't want to die
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: at the hands of the Philistines, so he falls on
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: his own sword and he dies. As the Israelite army
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: is routed, and when word reaches the city, the citizens
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: of the primary city at that time, they proclaimed David king,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: and it becomes the king without murdering the king. And
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: maybe I don't know, this isn't in the text. I
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: think maybe David thought to himself, well, if somebody had
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: told me it was going to work out like that,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: it certainly would have made that whole cave episode a
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: whole lot easier. I mean, if God has shown up
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: and said, David just relaxed, seven chapters from now, the
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Philistines are going to take care of Saul for you,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: wouldn't that have made things so much easier? But you
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: know this, That's not how life works, is it. That's
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: why we have to pay attention to the tension. That's
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: why we dare not take matters into our own hand.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: That's why we dare not trust our ability to predict
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: the future or control outcomes. That's why whenever you're making
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: a decision of any consequence, you have to stop and
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, is their attention that deserves my attention? Years ago,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: when my daughter who's now married, was in the eighth grade, Alli,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I was helping her study for a test. And you
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: know how this goes. Parents. You feel like when you're
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: studying for a test with one of your kids that
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: you're going to take the test the next day, right,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: So we're studying and I really want her to do well,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: and she was a good student. And it occurred to
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: me that Garrett, her older brother, had had the same
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: teacher in the same class two years before. So I said, hey,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: let me see if we can find some old tests
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: to study from, you know, like you do in college.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Because she gave me that look, I'm like, no, no, no,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: this isn't cheating. This is this is just what you do.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: So I go digging around and sure enough, I find
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: an old test and I assured Ali, hey, teachers, they
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: changed tests all the time, otherwise they wouldn't have given
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: this test back. The next day, she goes in to
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: take the test and it's the same test. When she
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: got home, of course, I asked what parents ask I said,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: how did we do on our test? She said, Dad,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: it was the same test Garrett had. And I felt
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: like I was cheating and I said, no, no, no, no,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: you weren't cheating. That's not cheating. And then I go
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: on to give her this long, convoluted explanation about why
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: using an old test to study from. Isn't cheating trying
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: to ease her conscience? Right? She interrupts me, and she says, Dad,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: it's okay. I told him. I'm like, wait, you told
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: your You told your teacher. She said yeah. I told
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: him that I had Garrett's old test and that I
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: used it to study from, and that it was the
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: same test. And so of course now I'm feeling terrible.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: And I said, Ali, you know, I'm so proud of you.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: You know I got you into trouble. And then I said, well,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: so what happened? And she said, well, nothing. He said
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: he had planned to change the test, but the copy
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: machine wasn't working that morning, so he just used an
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: old test. And when the problem. When Ali saw the
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: test that morning, she had a decision to make, right,
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: do I tell my teacher or not? Now, I'm pretty
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: sure that when I was in the eighth grade I
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: might have opted for not anyway, But when she thought
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: about not, there was what. There was attention, and she
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: paid attention to the attention, and she told her teacher
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: the truth. And I'm so glad she did. Otherwise I
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: would not have been able to use this story as
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: an illustration anyway, Now, what does all that have to
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: do with you? Here's what it has to do with you.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Here's what I know about you. The decision that you're
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: wrestling with right now fall somewhere between choosing whether or
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: not to tell your mass teacher that you study from
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: an old test and murdering a king. Right, But the
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: principal it's the same. If there's something in you, if
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: there's something you can't quite put your finger on, or
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: perhaps something someone else has put their finger on, about
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: an option you're considering, and now it bothers you, just stop,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: pay attention, give us some time. Let it bother you
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: until you know why it bothers you. Don't ignore it,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: don't brush by it. It may be I don't know.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: It may be God's way of protecting you and protecting
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: your family. This may be his way of keeping you
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: from a decision that you will live to regret. That inconvenient,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: seemingly irrational tension may be the pathway to an option
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: you've never considered, an option you didn't even know was available.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: So here's the question. Is their attention that deserves your attention?
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Is their attention that deserves your attention? Every time you're
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: considering an option. Every time you're making a decision of
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: any consequence, stop and ask the question, is there attention
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: that deserves my attention? And if so, pay attention to
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: that tension, Like David and like Ali. You'll be glad
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: that you did