Latest / Voices for Voices® / How I Escaped the Grasp of Addiction | Episode 128

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How I Escaped the Grasp of Addiction | Episode 128 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:04
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• 0:17
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• 0:28
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• 0:42
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• 0:49
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• 0:59
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• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: So we're very excited for this episode, as we are with all of ours our guests.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: We've been playing tag back and forth, trying to get a hold of each other to have a filming date, and so this episode is a year at least in the making and I think, with how things tend to work, I think that the timing of this particular show and this interview is really just lines up with how things are meant to happen at certain times.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So I'll get into the intro of our guest today.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: So our guest today is going to be joining us from Mount Vernon, kentucky.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: She is the executive director at Lake Cumberland Recovery and I'm going to just do a reading of one of her latest posts to just give you a flavor of how we're going to be speaking about the conversation today.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: So quote what nine years can do in your life if you let go and let God.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I had no idea how my life was going to work or how I would get myself out of the mess.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I created A self-made hell.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I had nothing to my name.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget hitting my knees in the Liberty Place Recovery Center, begging God to please help me.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to die with a needle in my arm.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I remember saying God, please do something with me.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I remember waking up the next morning with gratitude for life.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I had a fire burning inside of me.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I had no idea what or how this recovery thing worked, but I just kept getting up and putting in the work.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I promised God if he opened a door I would walk through it.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: He has opened more doors than I could count and he continues to blow my mind.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I can't even believe my life today is actually my life.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: If you're struggling with addiction and don't know how to get out, please call me and I'll leave her phone number out.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: She wants to add that in the show.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: She can, but just for privacy as we get started.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: There is a way out.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: You have to start somewhere, get busy living.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So joining us from Mount Vernon, kentucky, is Jessica Renner.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us today.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Thank you for having me.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: That made me tear up.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I hadn't read that since I posted it.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was lovely.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I was trying to do a little bit of research and a bio and I saw the photo with you and the nine and that really, I see, resonated with the post and for anybody that's going through any type of recovery, whether it's nine days, nine hours, nine years it's an active thing that we have to work every day to make those decisions to continue on one path or another.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: So I think that's something that's helpful for viewers and listeners to understand that, while there are great things happening, that it wasn't easy getting to where you're at and it's not going to continue to be.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: It's not going to be easy going, going forward.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: So would you like to maybe start with your, your story and, as you're hitting, hitting your rock bottom, and then we can transition and close out with where we're at today?
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: absolutely so.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I was at 25 years, active drug addiction.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I started very young my first interaction with law enforcement.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I was in middle school, played basketball.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: I come to school drunk.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: So early on I had no idea that I had a disease.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: It was just that's the friends I hung out with.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: A lot of my graduating class struggled with addiction.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Looking back now, I grew up poor.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: We had everything we needed, not everything we wanted.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: I grew up with.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: I had a good family, but my mom and dad divorced when I was nine or ten years old and it kind of shifted me on a path.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: My stepdad was very physically and mentally abusive.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: So at school I allowed people I put the mask on right to see that they had no idea what I was going through at home.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: So I remember the first time ever staying in a family life center with my mother and I was scared.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: And two, it was hard because I couldn't talk about it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I felt like I couldn't go to school and be.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: What was really going on.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: So I started using it at a very young age.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: It really didn't get out of control until I was probably in my 20s and I can tell you all these crazy stories.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Everybody knows where it's going to take you, where it's going to lead you, but to me, it led me to homelessness.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: I had all my bridges.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: My family couldn't let me in my community.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: I'd been on the newspaper and the news.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: Um, my community, I'd been on the newspaper and the news.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Um, I had literally ran through everything and everybody.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Um.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: So when you heard my name, you thought, oh no, you know.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: So I ended up pregnant.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: I had two beautiful children.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Uh, two children I couldn't take care of.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Um I, I ended up losing custody of my children.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: And when I went on a crime spree, I had many felonies.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And, honestly, when I would get arrested and people would talk to me and they would tell me Jessica, you're going to die with a needle in your arm, you're never going to have a good job.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: So I had all these negative things people would say about me.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: So every time that I would get arrested and I would get some sobriety time, I think maybe I can, but I would remember all those thoughts.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: You're never going to be new.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: This is your life.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: And when I got arrested this last time, I was on a crime spree and Officer Leitermilk he's the officer that rescued me, right.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: And when I say that I will never forget.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Last night I was put together something I'm working on now and I actually shot him a message because I want him at this event.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I will never forget the things that he said to me getting rescued that day.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: He was kind.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: He told me that I could do something with my life.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Did I believe him?
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Not really, but it was just the way that he dealt with me.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: He didn't beat me down.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: He didn't negatively tell me that this was going to be the rest of my life.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: He told me that I could do something different if I chose to was going to be the rest of my life.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: He told me that I could do something different if I chose to.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: And at that time in my life it was really hard to look at anything different because I had all these charges.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: So I stayed incarcerated that time for over about a year and they sent me to Liberty Place Recovery Center.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: But when I walked into Liberty Place Recovery Center the clothes that I had on my back wasn't mine I had on.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: Some girls from jail gave me clothes.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: I had on the jail slippers and I was broken.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: Did I think I could recover?
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I didn't think a person.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: How do you rebuild something when you have absolutely nothing?
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: So I have no really real work experience.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Social services said I would never get my kids back.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So you know that that was.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: That was really rough to hear.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: And I had nothing to my name and I I owed the court system $14,000.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: I owed everybody else.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: So I went in and three months in I'm talking about that in that post that you read I hit my knees and I cried out to God.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I grew up in church.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: I was angry at God when I got sober because I thought that he was going to make it like magically disappear, right, and that's not how God worked in my story.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: He gave me a shovel and and I was and I was going to have to put in work and after three months I hit my knees and I woke up with a whole different attitude.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: And I think three major things that helped me is I had to stop regretting the past.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: So the past is not where we're going and I am reminded of my past and that's not who I am.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: But I stopped regretting.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: The past is not where we're going and I I am reminded of my past and that's not who I am.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: But I stopped regretting the past and I had to stop worrying about the future, because psychologists say, 85% of the things you worry about in the future never happen, right.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: So, and then I had to realize happiness is within.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: So I can't't, I can't put my happiness in your hands because you're gonna fail, right?
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: So all my life I was putting happiness within drugs, within a boyfriend, um.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: So when I started doing those three things, my life started to change, um, and, and I just had it.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: You know, every morning I woke up and I'd be like gosh, today, today's going to be a great day.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: And so they told me a grateful alcoholic would never use, and I really didn't know what that meant.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: But I had to change my whole mindset about everything.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: So, instead of getting up, you know, like this morning, I got up and it was raining and I was like it's going to be a great day, even though I trained it right.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: So I started things started to change and, um, so I started, things started to change and the first thing I done was I got a sponsor.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: I got a spiritual advisor as well.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: Um, so I really started taking suggestions, and that's another thing a lot of us in recovery has done Our best.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: Thinking gets us where we're at, but I had never really listened to someone else map out my life.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: So when I got started, I need someone else.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I need just tell me what I need to do, right?
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: So I had a sponsor and she wrote me down some things, and so when I got out, I had overdosed at work in my community.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: So it was well known I'm very well known in my hometown, so it was you.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: You know everybody's like don't go back to your hometown.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: That's where it all started.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: So I was going to rebuild my life in Richmond, right?
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Um?
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: So when I graduated the program, I put in all these applications.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: But you've got to realize my work history is not.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: My resume is shoddy, it doesn't look so, um, I started praying, I started putting god's hands and I was doing everything this lady was telling me to do.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: And, uh, this lady that I used to work for before called me up out of nowhere and she's like jessica, I hear you're sober now and I was like I am, and she's like well, you can come and work at denny's for me, but that's back in my hometown, right.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: And it was two dollars and 25 cents an hour and you couldn't tell me nothing.
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: I went back and I come back to the community that I was broken.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: It was very hard because I waited on people.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: You know people would talk about me as I mean.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: It was just.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: It was rough Small communities are hard but I held my head up and I kept fighting.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to work in treatment.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: I didn't feel like that.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: My self-worth was still nothing After a year out and a year sober and I remember the first time I said no, and I want to bring this.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: When I got out of treatment I had to report back to Jim Right.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: So I didn't know what was going to happen.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: And this is, and the lady told me she would give me a job if everything worked out.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: I was sober and when I walk into the jail, this girl was getting out and she hands me some stuff Immediately.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I put it and I take it back with me.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: So I'm sitting in that jail cell and I'd had a year sober and all the things that has told me.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: I didn't know what my outcome was because I hadn't been to court, and I sit in that jail cell with this, this, a box and strips, and one voice is telling me don't do it.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: The other voice is like what do you got to lose your argument.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: So at that time I decided I was not going to use and that's the first time I'd said no in sobriety, and and I really think that was very powerful because, um that the next day they drug tested me and released me right.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: So after I get out I go to work at Denny's and, uh, my kids died overdose and so I'm with my kids and I don't have custody back up in me yet.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: I'm waiting, I'm doing everything this lady's telling me to do, like I have to rebuild my life, I have to get a stable home car, and that doesn't happen overnight.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: And I was at the trampoline park with my kids and I get the phone call and that moment really affected me.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: We went to the hospital he in fact, was deceased and I watched my kids at 11 and 12 years old, help plan their father's and sitting in that funeral home and I had a year sober.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: I really, you know I was making $2 an hour.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I was trying to rebuild my life and I sit in the funeral home and listening to the funeral director talk to my kids and I know I was probably giving a 75 effort at that time in my life and that is the day that I decided I was going to give a recovery 110 every day, regardless, regardless of how I feel.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: The days that I don't want to go to a meeting, I'm going to get up and go.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: The days that someone calls me and says Jessica, I need you to come down here.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: My brother's overdosed, even if it's midnight, I'm going.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: So I gave.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: That day in that funeral home, I seen how selfish and self-centered I had truly been.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I watched my kids turn into two totally different kids.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Um, I watched my kids think that their father loved drugs more than they loved him.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Uh, and, and also, they felt the same way about me for a long time.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: So that that moment really, um, it really changed my life.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Um, it put me on a path that really lit a fire in me.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Um, and then I said I didn't want to work in recovery and and this is how God works, god's all through my story Um, I was managing.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: I finally moved up to management at Denny's and the owners came in and they said we're closing this whole building, permanently closed, and I truly that day thought my life was over.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I went home crying and I was like you know, I'm never going to find another job.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: And God sends a total stranger.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: This lady calls me.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: This is when peer support wasn't really cool.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Nobody really knew what peer support was.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: This was years ago and she's like I would love for you to come down here and interview for this peer support job.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: And I was like what do they do?
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: So I went down and at that time in my life I was praying for purpose, like God.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Why do you really have me in this?
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Why did you create me to be here and to go through everything that I went through?
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: And I'm going to tell you how it works.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Listen.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: I went into that group room and I sit down with a whole group of individuals just like me that was struggling, just like I was, that were DOC clients, and that day he showed me when I was up there in that group.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: He showed me when I was up there in that group.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: He showed me Jessica, your purpose is to serve others.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: And it all started there.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Then, four months later, another strange lady messaged me and she's like I want you to apply for this job.
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: Every job that I have got in recovery, I've never applied for someone has reached out to me.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: And then I started working at a treatment center and I fell in love.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: I fell in love with broken people because I was broken.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: I was on this healing journey and I was watching.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: How can I serve other broken people and sit with them and and tell them, like how to?
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: When people tell you no, that you have to go again, right, you can't give up.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: You have to keep on until you find your reason.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: So I stayed there for years and then I started.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: The owner of Lake Cumberland Recovery reached out to me for a year and a half and he was like I want you to come and help me.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: I didn't even really know what I was going to do, but when you're, when you're in god's, will you kind of go with it.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: So I went down and, like, cumberland recovery really changed my life, their morals, their values.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Um, so now I'm actually the vp of operations at lake cumberland.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Um, we're growing, we have a women's center, men's center, and 15 years, 15 or 16 years ago, I got, I went to treatment and I got out of treatment.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I was about 34 days sober and I went to this lawyer's office and I was like listen, I have this dream, I want this facility and he was like Jessica, you're 34 days over.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I know.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: So the funny thing is, at Lake Cumberland we're opening up a facility in my hometown called Promises of Grace I actually named it.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: So God's just doing some amazing things.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I've got to build a work program at Lake Cumberland Recovery.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: So what that means is, uh.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: So I was trying to figure out where people fall through the cracks, like where was the struggle for me?
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: And the struggle was when I came home I didn't have a car to get to work, right, so I had to find transportation.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: So we had built a program that would take you to and from work.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: So it's really cool how God works.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Um, I got my kids back, uh, back when they were 11 and 12 years old.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: I got custody of them back.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Today I am a very reliable friend, I am a good co-worker and today I feel that God is just.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I still do.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: I started an AA meeting, I started a jail program, probably six years ago.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: So I we dress up at Christmas as like Santa Claus and elves, so I go in and take all the inmates noodles and cookies and we give them resources.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: So if you get out and want something different.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: So I go into the jail every Wednesday in my hometown.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: I can go to Jackson County Jail anytime as well.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: So I'm just really now a hope dealer.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: So it's been a blessing to see what God's done in just nine short years of my life.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: And has it been easy?
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: It's been a struggle.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: You know, I work a couple of jobs, but I couldn't imagine going back to where I was at all at all.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: It's, it's, it's truly amazing when you let go and you let God and, um, you know, I think a lot of people like I still seek therapy because I want to be better than I was yesterday.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, I deal with the high stress volume every day, but there is nothing in this world like working in a treatment center and watching the light come on in someone else's eyes and being able to guide them and help them find employment and help them find work their court cases and help them, you know, hook them up with Goodwill to get them a car.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: It's just truly been a blessing.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: Wow, it's so inspiring to hear literally from the trenches of here's what I started at here's, where I was at here, are the different steps and the events that happened.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: To be where you're at today, to be opening the center, is your dream, as we were talking off camera at the beginning, picking paint colors and those things, and how you think.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Once you see the progress that's happened, you're like, wow, this is actually happening.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: That is, I think, the true definition of a dream that if you would, you know those many years ago, thought differently, thought it wasn't possible, thought about you know the negative thoughts which are so easy, and I think that's one thing, that's.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: It's interesting because I don't say like doing nothing, but listening to those negative thoughts is usually like kind of the easiest thing to do and I've been there where it's like all right, well, I don't have to do this, so I just won't.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: But once you make that commitment and have that acceptance, then that really sets life really on a trajectory and to and to have that understanding that us as individuals and humans, that we there's only so much we can really do on our on our own, so to bring in that spiritual side of help, giving that boost, like I said, opening those doors, that you get a call in a year or two years and and things come up and it's like wow, there were actually things happening in the background that I had no idea were happening until I actually got that call, and that could be days, that could be years, but you got those calls and those were those little nuggets that you needed to keep putting that positive reinforcement together.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: If you don't mind, would you stick around for a second episode?
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go get my charger so I can charge up my computer.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Absolutely Great.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys, so much.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Thanks to Jessica Renner.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: She is now the executive director at Lake Cumberland Recovery in Mount Vernon, kentucky.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: This is part one of the series.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: We're going to do part two, so next week you can tune in to catch the second part of our conversation with Jessica.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: So until next time, I am Justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, and until next time, please be a voice for you or somebody in need.