Latest / We Are For Good Podcast - The Podcast for Nonprofits / 476. Chasing the Balance of Work, Family, and Mental Health - Brieanna Lightfoot

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476. Chasing the Balance of Work, Family, and Mental Health - Brieanna Lightfoot · We Are For Good Podcast - The Podcast for Nonprofits

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Mental Health Week is presented by Instill.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Our friends at Instill have created a modern, purpose-built platform to help cultivate deeper, more holistic relationships within your community.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: They're passionate about lifting mental health and wellness because they put people first.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Check out the link in the show notes to learn more about how Instill can help you maximize your impact.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Hey, I'm John.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: And I'm Becky.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: And this is the we Are For Good podcast.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Non-profits are faced with more challenges to accomplish their missions and the growing pressure to do more, raise more and be more for the causes that improve our world.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: We're here to learn with you from some of the best in the industry, bringing the most innovative ideas, inspirational stories, all to create an impact uprising.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: So welcome to the good community.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: We're nonprofit professionals, philanthropists, world changers and rabid fans who are striving to bring a little more goodness into the world.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So let's get started.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Becky, oh my gosh, this conversation.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, for all of you out there who are feeling the heaviness of the world of juggling all the things of having a family onto the side, trying to make time for your mental health and, ps, trying to live a life of significance, this is your episode, which, ps I'm pretty sure that's all of us we are delighted to bring to Mental Health Week Breanna Lightfoot Smith.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: She is a business owner, four-time published author, two-time podcast host and a content creator, who also happens to be a mom and a wife with three children.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: And today we are talking about how can you do it all, balance it all and still pour into that thing that really centers us and keeps us fighting toward that North Star that we all got into this work to do, which is really to make a difference.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: So we're going to talk today about how do you have a peaceful home and a purposeful brand and how can they coexist and we have brought the powerhouse and Breanna to give us the goods on that.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: So here's a little bit of background about her.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: She's a business owner, productivity coach and system strategist who loves helping women especially fellow moms really gain clarity and confidence.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: So she left the workforce in 2018 to become a stay-at-home mom, and now she's helping women build businesses while raising their children, and so she's got this incredible brand.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: She's the founder of Black Girls With Purpose, which is a book and a podcast, and it's just become this wonderful movement that's sharing words of encouragement, advocating for community and speaking about the importance of accountability if you're committed to living purposefully, which I know this community is all about.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: And so y'all the World Economic Forum reported that the pandemic has undone more than 30 years of progress toward gender parity.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: We are pouring back into working moms, which y'all 75% of this entire nonprofit sector is women and we want to be able to take care of ourselves, take care of our families and still pour into the causes that really light us up.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: So, breanna, get into our house, come teach us.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: We're glad you're here, I'm so glad to be here.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Thank you all for having me.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Well, it is our most favorite week of the year.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: We love talking about mental wellness, and it's just something that we don't talk enough about in the nonprofit space, and so we appreciate you bringing your insight in here.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: But before we dive into all the things about how we can really embrace doing and owning all the roles that we serve in this lifetime, we want to get to know you.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: So take us back.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: Like, where is little Breanna from, and what did she do to kind of wire her heart, to kind of come in and help women build their businesses and their brands?
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: We want to know the early story, yes.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: So Breanna is a little church girl for sure.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Born and raised in Arlington, texas.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I spent a lot of time in the sanctuary of my church while my dad was practicing guitar and running up and down the aisles with my sister kind of killing time, those kinds of things.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: We have always had a heart for people and my sister teases that.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: I'm like my dad because he's the talker.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: Even today I was laughing to myself because we were out and I was talking to someone.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: I was like she probably thinks I know this person and I just met this person.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: But I just I love people, happens to me.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: I love people's stories.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just love people's stories and I think even that is homegrown because my parents are both journalists.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: They met in radio, which people always think is super cool.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: My mom actually applied for a job that my dad didn't get but then he like came back around and ended up working for the station like later on and they met and yeah, it's just a whole cute like hallmark movie moment.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: But I really just have always grown up being around people.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: I was in the radio station with my mom, being at the news station with my dad Like, I've just been around people, been around stories, my whole life and that's something that I really loved about you all's podcast, just because you talked about the importance of storytelling, and so everything that I do I can always tie back to a story.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: Even Black Girls of Purpose that was an organization I started when I was living in New Orleans and it was because I was working with a lot of young black girls and just felt like, man, they're struggling with their identity and their confidence and I felt like God put it on my heart to write a book for them.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: And he's like, okay, don't just identify a problem, try and come up with a solution for that problem.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: So I've just had an opportunity to do a lot of different things over the course of my life and it's funny because I'm 32 and I feel like I've lived like six different lives.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: You're doing it.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a blast, though.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: It's really, really fun, and I have a mentor who said she said you just love life, that's all, because sometimes I'm like, okay, girl, pick a lane, just go down the lane.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: And I'm just like, no, I don't have to pick a lane, I'm all of these things.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: I am the wife, I am the mom, I am the author, I am the public speaker, I am the podcaster, I am the business coach.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: Like I'm multifaceted.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: You don't have to just be in one specific realm, because we've been given these different talents and gifts for a purpose, which ties into why I feel like living a purposeful life and having a purposeful brand is so important.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Well, I just feel like you were uniquely gifted to come into our house today and talk about this topic, because not only do you have three amazing boys that you're raising, but you're doing so much.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: You're a founder also.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: You are putting yourself out there in the world, which I think takes a different level of energy to just to show up.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: You're a people person, and we get to talk about the stats here, right?
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: So according to the American Association of University Women, women make up more than 75% of nonprofit employees.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Becky said that kind of at the start of this, but backing it into data, it's been true of our careers too, of just of the part of the offices that we've been in part of.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: So I just wonder what were some things that the sector could do, like the nonprofit sector as a whole, to show up for working moms, because it's so many of our families are impacted.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, I think giving moms a place where they don't feel like they have to choose between their career and their children is really important.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: During the pandemic, a million women left the workforce.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: Like at the height of the pandemic in 2020, one million women 1.1 million, right.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: So forget that extra hundred thousand left the workforce.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: And the primary reasons?
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: One in four women were experiencing burnout at work already, and so having to add on now I'm watching my children here in my home and having to do Zoom meetings on all that things like that was extreme pressure, right For one.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: But then there was a group of women who said, ok, well, we can't afford childcare.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: And then there was another group of women that said we can't even find childcare options for our children, and I hated the fact that they felt like, ok, well, the only option then is for me to leave, like someone has to bear the brunt of this weight, and I guess it's going to be me.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: And so when I think about the support that nonprofits and for-profit corporations you know, for that matter can have or can create for moms, it's really tied to just feeling like someone's coming alongside them.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: I know I shared this offline, but we all have heard that proverb that says it takes a village to raise a child, and in my opinion, it takes a village to do really anything, including build a career that you enjoy, right, or have a healthy marriage or create a business from scratch, like it takes a village to do that.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: And if people feel like, if women specifically feel like their job, where they clock in, is a part of that village, then companies will start to see men.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: We really have this affinity, like we talk about brand affinity with consumers, but you can create that same kind of environment within your nonprofit space, right, like create a job that people want to come to, create a job that people, if you even would suggest like, oh, you should go and work over here.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: That people are insulted, like I would never leave them.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: They've been so supportive of me, right, like they know my children.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I'm able to have that remote flexibility if needed.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: And I know that some people are starting to add childcare stipends, which I think would be wonderful.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: I mean, the US is so behind on that.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: We already know that, right.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: But I feel like there's a lot that we can be doing.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: That, in my biased opinion, is not so much of a reach because we see other countries doing it already.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: And not only that, but the amount of funds, because people always talk about, oh well, the cost and, like well, the cost that you're going to spend to hire someone else to do this role, that this woman was already rocking, but now she had a child and she had to leave.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: I think you're going to actually end up paying more in the long run.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: That's it, and you lose all of that knowledge and you lose the passion and you lose the intellectual history of what's in there.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: And I just am so glad we're talking about this because I want to be really frank and vulnerable with the community and say it has been very difficult for me to manage we are here for good and to manage being a mom the last three years, and I know I'm not alone in that.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're following Reshima Sujani, who is such a powerful voice in that, if you're looking for more stats, I really recommend people going and checking out her Marshall plan for moms.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: She's also got a new book out on this, and so I really want to like just commend you for putting your stake in the ground and saying that when we invest in women, when we invest in working moms, it actually is going to help not only grow the product, the brand, the business, it's going to grow community.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: It's going to create healthy environments for all of us, and I just think that working moms often find themselves juggling all the balls, and so I would love to just get your opinion on how do you manage that delicate balance between your career and the nonprofit sector and your responsibilities at home and PS.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I'm taking notes.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: You said so talk slowly.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: Okay, one there is.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I love that you use the analogy that we hear all the time of juggling all the different balls, because there is a book that I love and it's actually called Drop the Ball and it's by Tiffany Doofoo and I think I'm pronouncing her last name, right, d-u-f-u and I read that book a couple of years ago and it was such a game changer for me because she talked about how there were certain things that were happening in her home that she just had to say, okay, this is not a priority right now, right.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: So at one point in the book her husband is abroad, doing work abroad, and before he left the mail was kind of his thing, and so while he was gone she said she let the mail stack up because she was like, if I start managing this, then it's always going to be assumed that I'm managing this right.
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: Like well, you handled it while I was gone, so I'm back, but you can still handle it.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: And I'm so strict with my mom, clients that I work with and even just friends on, like the importance of us putting up boundaries, and that's not just in the workforce, right, whether you're corporate, whether you are nonprofit, but also in our home, I tell my sons okay, this is mommy's work hour and I'm going to be working, and so, even at this early age, I'm telling them those kinds of things because I want them to understand okay, there are boundaries and, yes, I can be fully mom and we're going to go have ice cream, and then we're going to go to the library and pick out your favorite book.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: But then when I put on my hat for work, then I need you to respect that boundary just as much as you would if someone came.
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: If I don't take work calls while we're out having ice cream, right, and in the same way, if I'm on a work call, I need you to be respectful and not come up and ask me if you can have a popsicle, just because you can see me right.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: So I think that that's a part of it, like us having the boundaries within ourselves and understanding what those are, and that sometimes looks like blocking out time.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: Sometimes that looks like telling your supervisor actually, no, I'm not going to be able to take that on.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: I had to have a conversation with someone this week and I said I do know how to do this thing you're asking me to do, but I do not have the bandwidth for that.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Proud of you.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Why is that so hard?
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I mean so good, and I think I don't want to stereotype our sector, but there's a lot of us that are like helper wired, because that's why we wanted to get in this work and I think it's very easy and natural to just not want to say no, to pile the things on and to keep juggling.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to wrestle with that word picture you just gave us of dropping the ball here.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: But I want to talk specifically about mental health, because you know we're in roles that are emotionally taxing.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: You know we're a lot of times on the front lines or part of a team that is dealing with some of the hardest subjects that are hard to talk about.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: They're hard to know the people going through the situations.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: So how do you walk?
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: How do you walk with working moms through this as you're juggling the emotions of the office and all the emotions that come at the house too on top of that?
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I think it's the intersection of all of that.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: That's a great question.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: I think, when it comes to mental health, something that I'm a big advocate for is being honest.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: I remember several years ago, my dad told me.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: He said, bre, nobody's going to know that you're struggling unless you tell them.
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: And John, just like what you were saying, because we are typically helpers, because we are, oh sure, I'll take on that extra project.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: I don't know how I'm going to fit it in, but I'll take it on Because we're just I even hate the phrase but, yes, men and women, a lot of times we are.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: I think that we're kind of used to sweeping our own feelings under the rug because it's like, okay, well, the work has to get done and I guess the buck stops with me.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: And I'm just really big on being honest with people, because even in my work, in my consulting, in my coaching business, I'm honest with my clients.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: If it's been a rough week, or one of the boys is sick or I'm sick, I'm like, hey, I know that this was the deliverable and this was the deadline that we established before, but I have not been well and I'm going to try and get this to you as soon as I can and they create that same kind of situation with me, like I have a mother who and I know she wouldn't mind me sharing this, but she's going through IVF right now and she's had to take pauses throughout our time together with the project and I love that she can say hey, this is where we're at with that, I haven't forgotten about you.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: But this thing over here is really important.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: And so I think just the honesty piece is really important, because if we feel like we have to show up kind of at a lesser version of ourselves because we are trying to keep the facade up, it leads to burnout or it leads to bitterness.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Burnout of like okay, I'm just at my wit's end.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: And bitterness of now you're walking out the company and you're like I can never work for them again and you're burning bridges only because you just never said anything.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Like people would be happy to even help you, but you never said hey, all this is a really heavy lift for me right now and I don't have the capacity.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: I don't have to be in with.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to share something really personal that I haven't shared with the community yet, because you've just inspired me to be brave, but because I think what you just gave as counsel right there is.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: One of the smartest pieces of vice that people don't think about is that level of being honest with other people and being honest with yourself.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: So in the last couple weeks I have found out that I'm diagnosed adult ADHD and with like an underlying anxiety disorder, and one of the most interesting things about my diagnosis was that it one.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: It took me completely by surprise.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: I had no idea that I am part of this Gen X like movement of adult ADHD that's coming in.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: But they also told me that my mother took some test on it, my sister took some tests and my husband and my evaluator said Becky, everybody thinks that your motion and your emotion and everything that you pour into them comes from a place of either stress or anxiety, but actually the data says that it's coming from your caregiving.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Everything that you're doing is because you're caring about people and putting their needs ahead of your own and you are not being honest with people and you have been such a competent masquer of your suffering, of your fatigue, that it has made you sick, and you're those people closest to you have no idea what's going on inside your head and your body and I had to really step back and look at it personally and as a mom, because I'm like I don't want to model that for my kids, that they need to mask how they're feeling or not take care of their mental health.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: So I share that with the community because I bet there's somebody out there who is really going to identify with that, because we're a lot of Enneagram twos out here.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Y'all, I can tell you four fifths of the we are for good team is an Enneagram two and that need to be the helper and the nurturer is at our core and it is our center.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: But we also need to know the limitations that it takes and we have to be honest with ourselves and I can tell you I am just starting to step into that and I am like Bambi, I'm like a new font trying to like sorry, sorry, john, I'm feeling really tired today.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: I don't think I can take that on.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Or there's too many issues with the kids.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: And if you're surrounded by a healthy community which I am blessed to have, you know what people say to you take that time, we got it, we got it for you and I have had nothing but support.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: And so if that speaks to you out there, please take Brianna's incredible council and start to be honest with other people and with yourself.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: So okay, I got, I got to.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: I got to get into some tactics here, because I really think that you do such a great job helping leaders take inventory of the things in their life that aren't working and help them break up that busyness.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: So can you walk our listeners through that exercise, how you do that and how we can apply it?
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely so.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: I have what I call the energy audit.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: I got the idea for a few years ago for a podcast episode and it started out as a three part process that I've added to it.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: But ultimately, the energy audit helps you understand what you're doing, why you're doing it and then if anything you're doing can be delegated or dismissed, because and I want to emphasize the dismissed part, y'all because, again, sometimes we're like, no, but it needs to get done.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it actually does it like.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: It's not even like oh, I need to outsource this, no, you just need to let that go.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: That's just not a priority in the season and that's okay, thank you.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I feel so that's all.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: Leave like flip table.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: It really is liberating when you say nobody needs to do it, like I don't need to do it, you don't need to do it, it just doesn't need to get done right now.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: And I really encourage people to embrace prioritization over balance, because you can have different priorities, not even just in different seasons of life, because, yes, we know that's true, but in different parts of your day.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: Right, I know an earlier in the episode I was referencing blocking out time.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: So I try not to take meetings before one o'clock so that I can give my well, first and foremost, so I can spend time with God at the beginning of the in the like the first thing when I wake up, and then so I can give my boys the first part of my day so that they don't feel like they.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: She woke up and immediately went into meetings or whatever the case may be at home school.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: So it's also good time for my brain to kind of alright, let's get this done.
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: And I feel like me and my oldest son are always negotiating, alright.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: So so here's what I'm gonna do for you and here's what you can do for me.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: Like yesterday, the negotiation was if you guys get this done, you'll get extra time with play, though, right.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: So understanding the, what you're doing, why you're doing it and what can be delegated or dismissed is really important, because I think we also just operate very blindly throughout our days.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: Right, you can take routines that you had in previous seasons of your life and you just kind of copy and paste them and completely ignore the fact that, okay, that was a routine that you had when you were single.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, that was a routine you had when you were newly married.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, that was a routine you had when you had one child.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Now you have three.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: Now you have four.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Right, you have two sets of twins.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Right, like, we have to navigate this.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: We can't think that one what worked for us in one season is going to automatically work for the for the other season.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: So, having people kind of brain dump what they do and then seeing, like, why am I even doing this?
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: Are there things I'm doing because I feel pressured to do them?
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: Are there things I'm doing because I don't believe that anybody else is going to help me?
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I'll give an example.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: I love as especially, being home full time.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I love going to the library with my boys, and there was a season where we were going to the library and I remember one day I got them in the car and I was like everybody, just get your shoes and get in the car.
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: And I was like, wait, I'm upset.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: This is supposed to be.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: I said, what am I doing?
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: I'm going to the library.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: Why am I doing it?
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: Because I need to get the boys out of the house.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: And I was like can this be delegated or dismissed?
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: It was a dismiss, this thing in that season, because I was like you're not having fun and they're not having fun because you're upset and you're telling everyone to hurry up and put on their shoes and when you get there they're not even picking a book.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: So like, yes, in the very beginning stages when, especially when I had my kids, I was like what a son we love going to the library.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: Our neighborhood library had all kinds of activities.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, well, now you're a mom of three, so what does that look like now?
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: And maybe you go once a couple every couple weeks, as opposed to trying to go to every single free program that has a lot of activities.
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: So I'm like I'm not going to be able to go to any of the programs because they have plenty.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: So that's a really practical example of somebody needs like.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: So what does that look like Actually?
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're bundling, going to the library, which is a fan favorite over here, and asking like a bigger, better question, like why are we even doing this?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: You know, like, I think, to zoom out and have some of that.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: So I mean, it's mental health week on the podcast and we really just want to create space for this and help to break the stigma.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: I would say that's probably one of our guiding reasons for even wanting to carve out this week to have conversations, and we think it's so powerful for people just to feel, feel their own power to talk about the things that are they're feeling burdened by or stressed by.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: So how do you think that we can best break down barriers and encourage more open conversations, whether that's with our leadership at our organization or just maybe for the first time, reaching out to a friend and being honest about where you're at, or a professional?
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: Would say, kind of take inventory of who you have in your circle right now.
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: I would start with that Like identify okay.
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: Do you and your supervisor have the type of relationship where you feel like you could be open with them?
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Do you and a coworker have that kind of relationship?
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: If you look at those people and you say yes, then definitely start there in terms of having those conversations and then start looking in your circle of friends, right, who in my circle of friends has similar experiences that can identify with the things that I'm experiencing?
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: So I'm laughing because I have a friend who we have children who are the exact same age, and I remember there was this thing on Instagram that was talking about like, oh, I'm thinking about putting my children up for sale on eBay.
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: And they were like, well, don't do that.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: You made them, so you should put them on Etsy.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: And they were saying, like you need to be able to have people that you can have those kinds of conversations with, just no judgment.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: I'm not really feeling it today.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: Or let me send you a text message and let's go on a late sushi date after we put the kids to bed.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: So identifying who you have in your circle and then saying, okay, what's the level of comfort I feel like I have with this person will really help you to, I think, start to create that circle of support.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: I remember when I was in therapy, one of the things that my therapist had me put in my toolkit.
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: She said I want you to list out every single person who you feel like has been supportive in any season.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: And I encourage the women that I work with to do that, not only to list them out, but to put their contact information and literally put it on paper.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: Because if you are in a moment of crisis and you're freaking out, or maybe it's just like you need a last minute babysitter or something, we know you reach out to somebody, they're busy and then now you're panicking.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: So if you just have a list that you can literally go down, then that's helpful.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Or maybe you're not trying to get a last minute babysitter, maybe you just need a sounding board.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: If you can go down that same list.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: One person doesn't answer, maybe three people down and someone answers the phone or they answer the text message.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I just think it helps to eliminate that lie that we're alone, because when we feel like we're alone, that's when a lot of dangerous moments come in.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: I struggled with suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager and I feel like a huge reason I was able to overcome that was because one I had very intentional parents who did not even know that I was struggling with those things.
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: But my mom would just come in my room and sit on the edge of my bed and ask me how I was doing, and she could tell though she didn't know I was having suicidal ideation she could tell that something was off, and so she would always tell me.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: She would say Bree, this is at the end of your story.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: I wish I could tell you, I wish God would give me a vision of what, all the wonderful things you're going to do, and I could just tell you so that you felt like you had a reason to keep going.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: She said but this is not the end, and surrounding yourself with people like that, who can just be in tune and send you a word of encouragement, even if you haven't asked for it, is just like there's no price that you can put on that.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, we talk about this all the time, like where is your hype squad?
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: I don't think it has to be a bunch of people.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: I can tell you I have a group of three girlfriends and we send the most inappropriate memes to each other.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: We talk about when our days are hard.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: I mean we, of course, john.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: We've branded our group chat it's called manifesting rainbows because we're just tired of all the sick and negative crap around us all the time.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: But it's like when we have hard days, we share it with each other.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: When we have low days, we share it with each other and we whether we're sending a funny meme back or we're, you know, just sending some words of encouragement it helps when you don't feel like you're alone.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: And, PS, the more we do that, the more we're breaking down the stigma, because there is absolutely no shame in this.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: There is no shame in being burnout and being fatigued and feeling like the world is hard because it is right now and we have to name that and we got to cling to the people that bring the light back into us.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: We want to feel that joy and that hope again.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: So thank you for that great support.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: And I want to get in more to the activation piece, because I think you have talked a little bit about productivity and you have changed your views on productivity and your focus on zones of focus.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: So talk about this journey and what listeners could learn about that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Productivity versus focus.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Push and pull yes.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I have moved from trying to be productive and push towards being fruitful, right, so that's the way that I look at it.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: Like you think about produce and my husband's an urban farmer, so I always tie things to gardening right, but you think about production Like, you can produce a lot of anything, right?
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: One of the things that they work on at their job is lettuce.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: So, even though they produce a lot of lettuce, not all of that lettuce is used and is good to like, put into the grocery store, right?
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: Some of it just gets tossed out, and I feel like that's what we have to do in our lives.
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: Like the harvest that they take, even though it may be, let's say, it's a thousand pounds of lettuce the good fruit, the produce that they can actually use, may be 500 pounds of lettuce.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: So I've gotten to a place in my life where I'm like, okay, I don't want to just produce a bunch of lettuce to keep with my example, I want to produce the amount that's actually going to feed other people and feed myself at the same time.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: Right, like I have done the self-sacrificial thing and, like I said earlier, it led to me being bitter, it led to me having this resentment.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: I even at one point thought you know, oh man, if I wasn't home with my kids, I could be out here doing these other things.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: Or, man, if this particular thing in my career had taken off, this is where I would be.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: And I had to recognize one God doesn't waste anything, but two, some of the things that resentment I was feeling was because of me.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: Like, no one told you you had to keep doing this, but you just did.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: No one told you that you had to be the superhero.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: No one told you that you had to continue to be self-sacrificing or to be the martyr in your business or in your corporation or at your nonprofit.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: You don't have to be the add-a-girl all the time.
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: And releasing.
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: That was so helpful, because now I'm literally in a season of my life where, even though I'm doing it's weird I feel like I'm doing more, but I also feel like I'm doing less, like I'm doing more of the things I feel like are producing good fruit in the world.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm doing more of the things that fill my cup up, where I can navigate between work and play very seamlessly, because I'm not having to have three hours of let mommy just decompress for a second or turning on something I don't even want to watch.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: It's just kind of on in the background, because I'm like I can't even think right now.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: My brain is in a place to produce good fruit, and so I feel like that's where I've learned to lean in, like what you said, not just being productive but really focusing and tying it into those boundaries and really just saying okay, girl, what is the legacy that you want to leave behind?
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Do you want to be known as a girl who, oh, she was always everywhere and she seemed like she was tired, but she kind of did it with a smile a little bit occasionally.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: And I want it to be said that I loved people well and that I was very intentional with the things that I took on and that I did things in excellence.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: And that can only happen if I'm willing to release things that I'm only kind of a little bit good at.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Wow, I mean I love that you brought up intentionality at the end, because that's what I was thinking when you were talking and I want to lift.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: You know, one of our favorite intentional folks is Brooke Ritchie Babbage.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: She was just on the podcast this season, coming in as a founder, but she's also a working mom.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: You know that is juggling this, but she teaches us how, as organizations, we need to be relentless in that too, so we don't have, we can focus on the fruit and not focus on all the excess that we're creating.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: And so, as we kind of round out this conversation, think specifically about working moms.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: How can our workplaces, how can our organizations really build a culture that accommodates and really uplifts this unique group of people that are powering our missions across the country with working moms?
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: I would say it comes down to giving moms a place to feel heard and not fixed.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: I want to make a delineation there because I think that sometimes we can share and they're immediately like okay, here's what you need.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: No, I'm not.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: I'm not asking for a solution.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: I'm actually just asking you to hear me out, because many times we can actually come up with a solution ourselves.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: When we're heard Me and my VA we talk about the fact that both of us process things by talking, and so many women in my community are the same way.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: So I think if companies and nonprofits be intentional about creating a space for moms to just be heard, I think it would be so phenomenal.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: In the same way that you think about products that will do surveys hey, we're doing a survey, we're giving out $15 if you'd spend a few minutes with us to just share your experience.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I feel like corporations, nonprofits we should be doing that as well.
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: How's your experience with us as an employer?
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: Where are some areas that we can improve?
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: And then, being intentional about being practical, yes, really, create a plan after moms have shared what it is that they need, create a plan to implement some of those things, the things that make sense and even if there are some bigger asks, if they're somewhat feasible, make it a part of your three-year plan or five-year plan.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: But I promise, when we feel like we're heard and that's just people in general right, it creates that loyalty because we're said man, that was something that we talked about together and then they immediately started implementing.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: I've seen that in multiple organizations that I've worked with and it makes such a difference.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Company morale is better, people want to be at work and the quality of work that they're producing is better, because they don't feel like they're just to get a paycheck.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: They really feel like they're part of the DNA of the organization.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm here for every bit of this because if I'm taking anything away from this conversation, it's just the power in lifting your voice into what you're feeling and what you need.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: And I just think the world is so different now, post COVID.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: I saw something the other day that was talking about how working moms are not at 100% capacity any longer.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: They're like at 150, 180% capacity because you're adding in the work component, you're adding in the home component, the kid component, the everything else component, and we are so beyond capacity that we're so tired.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: And you are sitting at this crossroads, just as a society, of where we are, where we have been telling girls you can be anything, you can punch through that glass ceiling and be anything you want to be, but we still have these gender norms that say this is what a mom looks like, and they're completely at odds with each other.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: So the way that we begin to break this down, y'all is talking about what we need, talking about how it's affecting us, talking about what the long term implications are, and I just think that when you lift your voice into that, you are not lifting it just for yourself.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: You're lifting it for every woman behind you, you're lifting it for your daughters, you're lifting it for your nieces, for whoever is to come behind us, and we want them to have balance in their work.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: We don't want anyone running and fueling at 150% all the time.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: So thank you for centering us in this, and you've really just had such this storied career.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: You're so young and I'm just so proud of this brand that you've created, and I know you've gotten to talk to so many moms and we would love to just hear a story from you, because we believe in the power of story to change people and we know you do too.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Is there a moment of philanthropy that has stuck with you in your lifetime, stayed and just become a really important part of your own story?
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: We'd love for you to share.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: One of the best things that happened, honestly, just this year there was a woman who applied for my grant because I have a within my company brand SviBri.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: I have a grant that I started this year.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: I wanted to give two moms funding to be able to do something with their business.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: I don't know what this can help you do, but you get to decide what makes sense.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: And unrestricted funding.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: Yes right Every day all day, everyone gets unrestricted, but you get a check, you get a check, you get a check, yeah.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: So anyway, she didn't end up winning the grant, but I just really felt led to work with her one on one and I reached out and I was like she may be like girl, I wanted the money.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: You could keep the coaching, like I just needed the cash money, right.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: But we ended she ended up accepting and she's a woman of faith as well.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: She was like when you offered that to me, I was like, okay, god, I guess I need the money, I just need what I needed.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: And we worked together over the course of eight weeks and she's a mom of six.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: She'll be a mom of six, I think, next month because she's pregnant with their latest baby.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: And just the connection that we were able to build and the confidence that I saw her develop over time, of connecting every week, was just so inspiring to me and seeing that she was building this business with her children, literally with her daughter.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: She has a company called for glitter girls and it started out as a lip gloss company, but it's really like transformed into more of a self confidence.
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: She has another brand that she's launching, which is what we worked on together called her first gloss, and it's helping young women not only grow in their confidence but also start their first businesses so that they can have financial literacy and awareness.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: I love that, just yes.
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: Working with her has been one of the highlights, definitely one of the highlights of my year, but really even in just being in business, because she sent me an email a couple of weeks ago and was like this was so much more than coaching for me.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: I just need you to know that and I was just like this is what I do, what I do, I love what I do.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: I love that this conversation has just given us so much, and I just think you feel your passion when you talk and just your love for people, and so I just want to thank you for pouring into that and chasing that and just being a beacon in this whole conversation.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: We round out all of the podcasts with a one good thing, and so I got to kick it to you for your piece of advice.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: This could be your mantra, a life hack or just something that you feel would be a benefit to their listening community today.
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: I would say release the outcome, and that's a word, kind of a phrase I've really been sitting with this entire year because I know that, especially talking to this the demographic of moms, right, like I know, many of us want things to look a certain way.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: We want meal prep to look a certain way, we want children's hair to look a certain way.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: We want our you know our table If I could flip this camera around and show you all my kitchen table like we want that to look, a certain.
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: There's so much that we want and in all the things that we've talked about today, talking about that honesty, it's your responsibility to be honest about what it is that you need, but then release the outcome.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: So, even if you share with a supervisor ways that you could be supported and you don't feel like they respond in the way that you want, understand that you did what you were talking about, becky, that you helped plan to see that wasn't there previously.
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: Right, being able to talk with your children about some of the boundaries, and even if they blow the whole thing up and they don't care, well, okay, you've at least started to create that understanding, right, and you just have to emphasize it again and again, and then even with how we want our houses to look like these perfect Pinterest boards something that I loved that I saw online a while back said that your children are not going to look at their childhood and measure it by how well the living room was vacuumed or how fresh things smelled, because, especially I'm a boy, mom, y'all it's not always fresh.
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: In here.
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: I have my candles burning even right now.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: Right, but was there joy in our home?
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: Was there love in our home?
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: So I just think, if you are intentional about showing up, authentically, being as honest as you can, then release the outcome of whatever happens after that.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: I mean, we're sitting here talking about moms and Bree's just giving us this warm, virtual mom hug.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: I just think that exhale, it could be the greatest gift that we give ourselves right now, letting go.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: What a gift.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: People are going to want to know how to connect with you.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: They're going to want to get connected to your podcasts, to your books.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Tell us where you hang out online and how's the best way everyone can connect with you Absolutely.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: So, as we said, multifaceted, multi-hyphenated, right.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: My personal website is Brianna Lightfoot Smith B-R-I-E-A-N-N-A LightfootSmithcom.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: My business is brandsfibrecom B-R-A-N-D-S-B-Y, b-r-i-ecom.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: I will tell you all, if you want to take that energy audit, I actually have a Burnout Buster toolkit on my site so you can go to brandsfibre.
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's a whole situation.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: I have the energy audit, but then I have a delegation.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: I have delegation resources.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to help y'all to live better lives.
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: So, brandsfibrecom Burnout.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: I'm on Instagram at B-LightfootSmith.
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to be better about my LinkedIn.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: Y'all.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: I'm on LinkedIn at Brianna Lightfoot Smith, but don't look for me to post regularly because I'm not there yet, but I am definitely super active on Instagram Because you're a mom, you're busy.
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: I dropped it.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: I'm a permission to drop that ball that LinkedIn has been dismissed.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: It's okay, it's been dismissed in this season, I will pick it up in another season, and then my nonprofit where I work with girls is actually UnityQueensIncorg, and so if you're someone who loves working with girls as well, just want to see the things that we're doing there, you can go to UnityQueensIncorg.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: You are amazing.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I appreciate you giving us just permission to take a break and center ourselves, and I don't think you have to be a mom to get something out of this conversation.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: I think this is about balance, this is about conversation, this is about community, this is about rest.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: Thank you for giving us that today, brianna.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: Now go hug your boys, go do some Legos.
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: What the hell, take care, my friend.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: Thank you, my friend.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thanks for joining us for these powerful discussions.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: If you'd like to dig deeper, you can find additional episodes and resources at weareforgoodcom.
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: Backslash mental health.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: And these conversations continue over at the we Are For Good community.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Here we'll double click on some of the topics and support each other in community.
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: Come find us it's free at weareforgoodcommunitycom.