Latest / Just Julia / Rehearsing Pain Makes You Suffer Twice

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Rehearsing Pain Makes You Suffer Twice · Just Julia

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what if I told you that the very thing you're doing to protect yourself
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: from pain is actually the exact mechanism causing your suffering right now?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it sounds completely counterintuitive, right?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: But it's one of the most common psychological traps we fall into.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: We convince ourselves that if we just anticipate every possible disaster,
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: we're somehow insulating ourselves from the sting of it.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: We call it being realistic.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or we say we're just managing our expectations.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to picture something.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine walking out your front door in the middle of July.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's 85 degrees, bright sun, like not a single cloud in the sky.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And yet you're wearing a heavy, clunky steel suit of armor.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're sweating.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're dragging your feet.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Your energy is just entirely depleted.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And why?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: And to do that,
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: we are looking at an incredibly reflective,
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: really intimate essay titled, I Was Always Prepared for the Worst.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's by the writer Julia Callas, published on her platform, which is called Just Julia.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a good piece.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: And we actually have the privilege of looking at several of her long-form drafts
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: for this to kind of see how these ideas coalesced for her.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm into fantasines a bit.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And to ground this in some cognitive science,
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: we're also bringing in crucial context from episode 871 of Jay Shetty's show.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: The episode is called Your Brain is Addicted to Worst-Case Scenarios,
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: and that actually catalyzed a major breakthrough in Julia's own writing process.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Which is so fascinating.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So for you listening,
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: if you are someone who overthinks,
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: which let's be honest,
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: is a lot of us,
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: or if you constantly anticipate disappointment just to kind of soften the blow.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or even if you proudly label your worst case scenario planning
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: as simply being practical, this conversation is custom built for you.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So Julia's essay, it starts with an admission that feels almost uncomfortably familiar.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Very relatable.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: She writes that for most of her life,
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: her absolute default strategy for dealing with uncertainty was just to,
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: like, imagine the worst possible outcome.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And she traces that instinct all the way back to childhood.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: In one of her earlier drafts,
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: she touches on this underlying belief that excitement itself was dangerous.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Excitement is dangerous.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: The logic she internalized was that hope created something to lose.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: From a self-preservation standpoint,
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: you know, the brain forms this very specific equation early on.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Lowering the bar equals safety.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you allow yourself to believe something wonderful is going to happen and
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: then it falls through, the devastation is just overwhelming.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But if you've already visualized the failure,
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: you kind of strip the event of its element of surprise, right?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You preemptively rob the disappointment of its power.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or at least that's what we tell ourselves.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we tell ourselves, yeah.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And we legitimize this habit so seamlessly as adults, like we give it excellent PR.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, best PR.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Julia notes that sometimes she even framed it as a form of personal strength.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like we tell ourselves that anticipating disaster makes us the responsible one in
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: the room, the practical one.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: We build this entire identity around the idea that pessimism is like a shield against the world.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: The narrative we sell ourselves is that we're just gathering data to stay safe.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I think this brings us to the actual cost of wearing
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: that heavy armor every single day
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: because this so-called protection leads us directly into a trap that I like
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: to call pre-suffering.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Pre-suffering that captures the phenomenon perfectly, honestly.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where the intersection with Jay Shetty's work becomes so vital.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, break that down for us.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: So Julia was listening to Jay break down the actual mechanics of worst case thinking.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And she heard him articulate a concept that completely shifted her perspective.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: He explained that when we are in a state of fear,
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: the mind treats what could happen as though it is already evidence
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: of what will happen.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, man.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: It blurs the line between a possibility and a guarantee.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And to understand why that happens,
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: we kind of had to look under the hood at what the brain is actually doing
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: when we spiral like this.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Mechanically speaking,
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: our brains are basically the most advanced simulation machines on the planet.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: But they have this critical evolutionary flaw when it comes to modern anxiety.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Which is?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: And a real physical danger that is actually in the room with you.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't know the difference.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: So when you sit at your desk and you deeply imagine this catastrophic scenario,
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: your amygdala doesn't know it's just a thought.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: It bypasses your logical prefrontal cortex and immediately sounds the alarm.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Which means it dumps cortisol and adrenaline directly into your bloodstream.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like your heart rate spikes, your chest gets tight, your breathing gets shallow.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Your body is literally physically fighting a ghost.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Your nervous system is reacting as if the catastrophe is currently unfolding.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is wild.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And Julia observes this so profoundly in her drafts.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: She realized she was experiencing intense,
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: visceral emotions attached to futures that literally did not exist.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: She was feeling the crush of a rejection that hadn't arrived yet.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: She was grieving the failure of a plan that hadn't actually failed.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: She was living the trauma of the event without the event ever actually taking place.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a line she wrote that I just haven't been able to stop thinking about.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: She realized that rehearsing pain doesn't prevent pain from hurting if it actually arrives.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: It just makes today hurt, too.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: You suffered twice.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You suffer twice.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or even worse, you suffer once for something that never even comes to pass.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the rehearsal doesn't actually numb you to the impact of the real event.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: You just endure the agony of the imagined failure on a Tuesday.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then if the actual failure happens on Friday, you endure it all over again.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: The armor didn't protect you at all.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: It just bruised you before the battle even started.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, wait, I have to step in here and challenge this a little bit.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: On behalf of my own pragmatic brain and, you know, probably the listeners too.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, go for it.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're waiting for a biopsy result, right,
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: or you're walking into a ridiculously high stakes round of layoffs at your company,
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: isn't it wildly irresponsible not to prepare for bad news?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's a fair question.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there is a difference between buying fire insurance and sitting
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: in your living room vividly imagining your house burning down, right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that distinction is exactly where the breakthrough happens.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Julia separates logistical preparation from the act of rehearsing suffering.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: They are completely different mechanisms.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Logistical preparation is taking concrete action in the present physical world to create safety.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like updating your resume if your company is struggling or maybe putting extra money
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: into saving.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Precisely.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: You update the resume, you move the funds.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Those actions actually tell your nervous system, hey, we have a safety net.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that makes sense.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: But rehearsing suffering,
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: that's lying awake at 3 a.m.,
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: intensely visualizing the humiliation of packing up your desk,
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: imagining the pity in your co-worker's eyes,
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: and just feeling the sheer terror of not making rent next month.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: One is a physical action that builds actual security.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: The other is a mental hallucination that just manufactures trauma.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if we realize we are crossing that line,
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: if we catch ourselves hallucinating trauma in the middle of the night,
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: how do we actually pull the emergency brake?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because, I mean,
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: we can't just force our brains to suddenly believe everything is going
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: to be sunshine and rainbows.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: No, the amygdala does not buy that for a second.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: It really doesn't.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: And Julia grounds her approach in a really refreshing reality here.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: She explicitly rejects toxic positivity.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: She writes that she refuses to just tell herself everything will work out exactly
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: as she wants because honestly, no one can promise a predictable life.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to replace a worst case delusion with a best case delusion doesn't solve
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: the underlying problem.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: You still have this need for a guarantee.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: So instead, she uses this pattern interrupt to catch the spiral in real time.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: She stops and asks herself one very grounding question.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Is this happening or am I making myself experience it before it happens?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Is this happening?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Think about the neurological function of that question.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: It forces your brain to survey your immediate physical environment.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: It separates the imagined narrative from the present evidence.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: It forces the logical prefrontal cortex to briefly come back online and acknowledge,
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: okay, right now I am just sitting in my kitchen.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: The bad thing is not in this room.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: But she doesn't stop there, does she?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because once she anchors herself in the present,
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: she borrows this brilliant exercise from Jay Shetty.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: When the anxious brain demands, what if the worst happens?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: She realizes you can't just tell it to shut up.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, she leans in and continues the conversation.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: She asks her brain, OK, and then what?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then what?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a game changer.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: It really is because it calls anxiety's bluff.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Anxiety is designed to make you freeze at the point of catastrophe and wants you
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: to stop at the image of getting fired or the image of being rejected and just panic.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: But by asking, and then what?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: You mechanically force your prefrontal cortex to engage in complex problem solving.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: You push the brain way past that freeze response.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You basically demand answers.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: You ask, OK, if the absolute worst happens, what would I do?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Who would I call?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what resources do I have?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: What terrible things have I already survived in my past?
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Who would I become in response to this?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: The entire psychological landscape shifts because suddenly
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: the goal is no longer frantically trying to prove that the bad thing won't happen.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: The goal becomes remembering that you will still be there capable and equipped if it does.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that is such a fundamental pivot in how we interact with our own fear.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: You stop trying to control the uncontrollable weather and you just remind yourself
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: that you know how to build a shelter.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: You step out of the business of predicting the future and you step into the business
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: of resourcing yourself in the present.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: And this practice,
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: it doesn't just lower anxiety, it entirely rewrites the way we define confidence.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And Julia provides some really specific real-world context for this in her drafts,
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: which makes the concept so much more tangible for us.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: She writes about being three months into the end of a professional chapter,
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: deeply embedded in that sort of messy middle of not knowing what
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: the next one looks like.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she's not writing this from a place of having it all figured out.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: She is in the thick of the uncertainty.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: She details this stark contrast between the days she feels open to new possibilities
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: and Days where she can imagine a new role emerging naturally and
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: the days her old mind completely takes over.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: The panic days.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: The days she sits at her laptop
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: and her brain basically convinces her she's lost all momentum or
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: that she's making all the wrong choices or,
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: that her past successes were just total flukes and this next chapter is going to be
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: a complete disaster.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And nothing has actually changed in her physical reality on those days.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's zero new evidence.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But her mind is constructing this horrifying future right out of thin air.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: But through the discipline of catching those spirals, asking, is this happening?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And and then what?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: She arrives at this major revelation about what personal growth actually means
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: for her at this stage of life.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about that.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, for years,
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: she believed being a better person meant showing up flawlessly for everyone else.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Being the reliable wife, the present mother, the supportive friend, the dedicated professional.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But through this process of navigating her own panic,
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: she realizes personal development also means becoming a better woman to herself.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that phrasing is just so striking, becoming a better woman to yourself.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: When you break down what that looks like in practice, it is an act of profound self compassion.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: For Julia,
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: being a better woman to herself means stepping in as a protector
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: of her own nervous system.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: It means consciously deciding not to be cruel to herself when she is afraid.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: It means refusing to manufacture suffering before suffering even exists.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Refusing to punish yourself with these phantom scenarios that haven't materialized.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: It means recognizing that, hey,
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: just because your brain hallucinates a disaster in high definition,
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: it doesn't mean you have to buy a ticket,
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: sit in the front row and watch the whole movie.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: You learn to separate the sensation of fear from the presence of actual evidence.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this brings us to the emotional climax of her essay,
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: which completely dismantles the way society teaches us to think about confidence.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because we're conditioned to believe that confidence is the certainty of
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: a positive outcome.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: We think confidence sounds like I know I am going to nail this presentation
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: or I know this new relationship is going to be perfect.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: But that isn't confidence.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: That is just a demand for a guarantee.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: And because the brain knows guarantees do not exist in a chaotic world,
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: that kind of artificial confidence shatters the moment you encounter any friction.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: True confidence, true safety.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: It has nothing to do with predicting the outcome.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Mm hmm.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Julia distills this into one sentence that is easily,
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: for me, the most important takeaway this entire discussion.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: She writes, I don't need to know that nothing bad will happen.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I need to know that I won't abandon myself if it does.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I need to know that I won't abandon myself if it does.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that is the definition of radical self-trust right there.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: It really is.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It shifts the burden of safety away from this unpredictable world
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: and places it squarely within your own resilience.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's that deep, quiet knowledge that you have navigated messy, painful transitions before.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: You've survived disappointments.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: You have had your heart broken or your plans derailed and you figured it out.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to be fearless.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to pretend the uncertainty doesn't scare you.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to promise to stay on your own team.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: When you frame it that way, you see just how counterproductive the armor really is.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: The anxiety of worst case thinking pulls you out of your body and hurls you into
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: a fabricated future you have zero control over.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: But radical self-trust anchors you firmly in the present moment.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds you of the strength,
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: the intellect, and the adaptability you already possess right now.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: It completely changes what strength looks like.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Strength isn't this loud,
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: aggressive posture where we try to outsmart the universe
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: by predicting every single pitfall.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Strength is allowing hope to exist without demanding a contract in return.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's accepting that you just cannot rehearse your way out of the human experience.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: To tie this back to Jay Shetty's framework,
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: he often talks about anxiety through this lens of carrying two backpacks.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love this analogy.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: One backpack is filled with the actual tangible challenges you're facing today.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: The other backpack is just stuffed with the imagined grief,
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: the hypothetical catastrophes, and the projected failures of tomorrow.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And most of us are walking around hunched over trying to carry both backpacks at
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: the exact same time.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we are collapsing under the weight of luggage that doesn't even belong in this time zone.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: You only have the energy to carry today's backpack.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Which leads to a final thought I want you to kind of mull over today.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the sheer creative power of an anxious mind.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's immense.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: If your brain is powerful enough to vividly hallucinate a highly detailed,
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: multi-layered,
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: disaster-like,
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: complete with dialogue and physiological responses,
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: it means you have an incredibly potent imagination.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you do.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So what if you took that exact same mental machinery and applied it to your own resilience?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's such a fascinating neurological pivot.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: You aren't asking the brain to stop simulating.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: You are just giving it a much better script to run.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of dedicating all your cognitive resources to simulating the collapse,
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: simulate the recovery.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Visualize yourself problem solving.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Vividly imagine yourself making that hard phone call or adapting to the bad news,
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: finding a new path and just standing back up.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hallucinate your own survival with the exact same intensity that you hallucinate your demise.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: And on the days where that feels too difficult, remember Julia's incredibly grounded advice.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you don't have to fix the whole pattern in one afternoon.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Just noticing it is a massive victory.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: Just pausing in the middle of a spiral and saying, oh, I'm doing that thing again.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm living a pain that hasn't actually happened.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: That is the first step in taking the armor off.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if the themes of this discussion resonated with you today,
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I highly, highly encourage you to spend some time with Julia Callas' writing.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's thoughtful, it is human, and it just makes you feel incredibly seen.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can read her essays by subscribing to Just Julia on Substack.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: And you can also continue the journey by checking out the Just Julia podcast,
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: which dives even deeper into real stories of identity, confidence, and reinvention.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: You can find that on Substack, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time you step outside into the metaphorical sunshine of a calm day,
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: maybe take a quick inventory of what you're carrying.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you realize you are sweating under the weight of a heavy steel suit of armor,
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: bracing for a blizzard that isn't even in the forecast,
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: give yourself permission to take it off.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the breeze.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to trust the outcome.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to trust the woman who will meet it.