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Are You, Or Do You Know, A Single Parent? · Conversations: Special Guests with Preston Scott

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: All right, settle in ruminators. It's the second hour of
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: the Morning Show with Preston Scot. Great to be with
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: you this morning. Bright Bart's Jerome Hudson. Next hour and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: a half hour from now, Riley Gaines will join us
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: on the program. But I am thrilled to have with
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  Speaker 1: me vice president of Solo Parent the website soloparent dot org.
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  Speaker 1: And if you're listening outside of Florida, just go to
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  Speaker 1: the website. You'll find resources for your area. But for
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: those of you in Florida, you can go to solo
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  Speaker 1: parent dot org slash Florida. But the vice president, Elizabeth Cole,
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  Speaker 1: is with us. Elizabeth, good morning, Welcome to the program.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: How are you.
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  Speaker 2: Good morning, I'm doing well. How are you?
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  Speaker 1: I'm doing terrific. Where this Tell me where this started?
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  Speaker 1: Give me the snapshot version.
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  Speaker 2: Well, so, our CEO, Robert Beeson found himself as a
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  Speaker 2: single dad for about eight and a half years after
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  Speaker 2: his wife I've left him and his three girls and
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  Speaker 2: he was a big time music executive, was not planning
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  Speaker 2: on being a single dad, and then one day it
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  Speaker 2: was just there. He was looking for resources and couldn't
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  Speaker 2: find any, and he said, you know what, as soon
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  Speaker 2: as I get you know, my feet under me and
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  Speaker 2: get some health and all of that, I want to
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  Speaker 2: do something about this because he just felt so isolated
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  Speaker 2: and alone, and so he started solo parent in twenty seventeen,
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  Speaker 2: and we've been, you know, trying to reach single parents
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  Speaker 2: all over the country ever since.
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  Speaker 1: I would imagine that because I mean, we all have
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  Speaker 1: been touched by this in some way, shape or form,
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  Speaker 1: whether it's directly or through friends or family. But the
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  Speaker 1: way of becoming a solo parent is so varied and different.
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  Speaker 1: I would imagine that it leads to different kind of
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  Speaker 1: places that everybody's at when they begin this journey. So
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  Speaker 1: how do you adjust to that simple starting point that
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  Speaker 1: everyone starts learning from maybe a different place?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, I mean it's true. We have single parents
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  Speaker 2: who are there through divorce, just like myself, through you know,
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  Speaker 2: death of a spouse, through even adoption, maybe they've chosen
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  Speaker 2: to become a single parent through adoption, unplanned pregnancy, lots
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  Speaker 2: of different ways that single parents are kind of made,
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  Speaker 2: if you will. And the biggest thing is that it
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  Speaker 2: doesn't matter how you got to be a single parent.
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  Speaker 2: We welcome and accept everyone who is parenting alone. And
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  Speaker 2: the struggles may look a little different that we all have,
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  Speaker 2: you know, very you know, common ground in terms of
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  Speaker 2: loneliness and isolation, and you know, maybe we sweep things
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  Speaker 2: under the rug because we're just trying to get through
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  Speaker 2: day to day life. And the problem is is that
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  Speaker 2: we when we do isolate ourselves and when we aren't
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  Speaker 2: able to connect with people in a deep way, it
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  Speaker 2: just it can have a trickle down effect to our kids.
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  Speaker 2: And we've seen that, We've seen the tragic statistics that
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  Speaker 2: are coming out of single parent homes, and so we
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  Speaker 2: want to do everything that we can to provide the
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  Speaker 2: community and support for single parents so that they know
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  Speaker 2: that while they're yes, they may be struggling, it may
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  Speaker 2: be surviving not thriving situation, but they're not alone and
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  Speaker 2: there are people who understand and who get it.
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  Speaker 1: We're going to get into some of the specific ideas, programs,
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  Speaker 1: resources and things that you guys offer and kind of
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  Speaker 1: link to, but I'm just curious, you know, the person
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  Speaker 1: that has been a single parent for a few years
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  Speaker 1: now and it's been a tough go for them, versus
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  Speaker 1: the person that's at the very beginning of that journey
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  Speaker 1: in your experience, What are the differences in how they
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  Speaker 1: kind of navigate once they recognize there are resources, there
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  Speaker 1: is help.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I'll say we actually just did. Last week
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  Speaker 2: was Nowtional Single Parent Day on Friday, and last week
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  Speaker 2: we released a podcast about this topic. And we have
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  Speaker 2: kind of three phases of solo parenting that we talk about,
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  Speaker 2: and triage is the first one. So if you think
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  Speaker 2: about the first time, like you've broken an arm, or
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  Speaker 2: you're you know, anything that's happening, you're going into a
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  Speaker 2: hospital and you're in triage, I mean, you are in
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  Speaker 2: the thick of it. Everything is mayhem. You don't know
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  Speaker 2: up from down, it left from right. You're just kind
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  Speaker 2: of again, it's it's more than surviving it, or you know,
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  Speaker 2: it's it's kind of worse than that. And so this
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  Speaker 2: is like when you're unable to really like even get
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  Speaker 2: through the day. You may not even want to get
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  Speaker 2: out of bed. You're struggling to keep food on the
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  Speaker 2: table because you know, whether it's your finances you haven't
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  Speaker 2: gotten all of that figured out, or maybe just emotionally
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  Speaker 2: and mentally you are just struggling. That's kind of that
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  Speaker 2: triage stage. And I would say that like, and especially
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  Speaker 2: my own experience. For some people, that triage stage may
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  Speaker 2: last anywhere from six months to a year year and
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  Speaker 2: a half, and then you move into the next phase,
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  Speaker 2: which is the recovery phase.
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  Speaker 1: Coming up to twelve minutes past the hour with me
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  Speaker 1: Elizabeth Cole with Solo parent website soloparent dot org and
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  Speaker 1: God bless you for creating a website that's actually easy
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  Speaker 1: to navigate it friendly. We were talking about some steps
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  Speaker 1: and stages here and we started with triage. You moveing
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  Speaker 1: into recovery.
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  Speaker 2: Now, yes, and so let's recovery with the recovery stage.
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  Speaker 2: What we found and what we heard I mean, if
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  Speaker 2: you listened to the podcast episode from last week, Andrews
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  Speaker 2: shared his experience of moving from triage into recovery and
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  Speaker 2: he really found that solo parent was the answer for
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  Speaker 2: that for him. He was able to move into recovery
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  Speaker 2: because he had community around him and people who understood
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  Speaker 2: his experiences. But what recovery recovery looks like is kind
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  Speaker 2: of you know you're out of the triage stage and
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  Speaker 2: that you can get out of bed in the day.
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  Speaker 2: You know you're putting food on the table, You're moving
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  Speaker 2: through life, your job, is more stable, You're emotionally more stable.
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  Speaker 2: You're able to show up to your kids in a
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  Speaker 2: healthier way when they respond and react, But you're not
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  Speaker 2: necessarily at your healthiest. You know, you're still kind of surviving.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe you aren't able to see what the future looks
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  Speaker 2: like yet. Maybe you haven't really gotten kind of fully
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  Speaker 2: back on your feet. And let's be honest, after the
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  Speaker 2: death of a spouse and after divorce, nothing's really the
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  Speaker 2: same ever again. But you're able to kind of kind
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  Speaker 2: of envision a future for yourself and for your kids.
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  Speaker 2: And like I said, we've found that we really kind
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  Speaker 2: of usher people from that triage into recovery stage. And
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  Speaker 2: then the third stage is wellness. And this is where
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  Speaker 2: you are, i mean, really able to use your story
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  Speaker 2: to help other people. You're able to kind of be
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  Speaker 2: level headed. You're you know, being more of a mentor
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  Speaker 2: to those around you. All of us were human. You
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  Speaker 2: make mistakes, and you know, two steps for one step back,
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  Speaker 2: but you kind of know how to navigate life and
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  Speaker 2: show up in a way that feels healthy and grounded
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  Speaker 2: and in a way that you're able to just kind
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  Speaker 2: of be there for other people. And like I said,
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  Speaker 2: use your story to help others.
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  Speaker 1: I would imagine that helping other people based on your
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  Speaker 1: personal experiences kind of takes a little bit of the
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  Speaker 1: staying out of the personal experiences. It brings some perspective
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  Speaker 1: to those and helps with the healing process, and so
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  Speaker 1: it's sort of like a circle that happens there.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I know for me, I needed to make purpose
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  Speaker 2: out of the pain. And I went to Robert the CEO,
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  Speaker 2: when I was kind of probably a year out from
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  Speaker 2: my divorce. I went in and said, you know, I
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  Speaker 2: just really feel like I need to be using my
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  Speaker 2: story to help other people. And he was like, great,
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  Speaker 2: let's do it. Let's put you to work, and so
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  Speaker 2: and really it really has and really does for me personally.
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  Speaker 2: And I'll say that I lead a group every Monday
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  Speaker 2: online at eight pm Central nine pm Eastern, and you
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  Speaker 2: can find that on our website as well, but I
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  Speaker 2: lead those groups on Monday nights. And what I've seen
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  Speaker 2: time and time again is it doesn't matter what phase
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  Speaker 2: of parenting you're in or single parenting you're in, you
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  Speaker 2: have something to offer to the group. And even for
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  Speaker 2: people who are kind of in that wellness phase and
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  Speaker 2: using their story to help other people. It's so amazing
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  Speaker 2: how I know, for me, I'll hear people's stories that
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  Speaker 2: are in triage and they're right in the thick of it,
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  Speaker 2: and it helps me kind of go back and discover
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  Speaker 2: things that maybe I didn't think about before, didn't healind
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  Speaker 2: of takes me back there, and there's a healing that
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  Speaker 2: happens even from interacting with people who are in the
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  Speaker 2: triage stage, and then of course vice versa. The triage
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  Speaker 2: stage are hearing some people who are in recovery and
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  Speaker 2: wellness and they have a lot of hope and you know,
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  Speaker 2: for where they're going, it kind of pulls them along
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  Speaker 2: to say, Okay, I can get through this. If they
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  Speaker 2: can do it, I can do it, you know. And
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  Speaker 2: so it's just really the community aspect is so so
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  Speaker 2: so important when we're talking about our single parent life
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  Speaker 2: and just having people who understand.
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  Speaker 1: Time moves fast. And so let's start talking some specifics
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  Speaker 1: about the website with me as Elizabeth Cole with solo
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  Speaker 1: parent and I know, I know we've got a ton
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  Speaker 1: of single parents listening out there, and Elizabeth go through
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  Speaker 1: some of the resources that people will find on the
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  Speaker 1: website to be the most useful.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, so well, so aparent or as you said, and
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  Speaker 2: we have everything there from our podcast if you just
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  Speaker 2: want to tune in weekly. We fifty two weeks a year.
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  Speaker 2: We have a new podcast that relates to the top
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  Speaker 2: issues that single parents deal with. Obviously, that's free. We've
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  Speaker 2: got our groups online in person, you can check those out.
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  Speaker 2: We really want to provide online groups for single parents
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  Speaker 2: because you know, childcare and figuring out the timing and
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  Speaker 2: all of that is really can be difficult for single parents.
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  Speaker 2: So those online groups are a great free resource and
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  Speaker 2: a way to connect with other people. But we also
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  Speaker 2: if you want to start a group in your area,
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  Speaker 2: or maybe you're a pastor at a church, or you know,
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  Speaker 2: you lead a nonprofit organization that serves single parents in
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  Speaker 2: some former capacity, we have all the resources that you
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  Speaker 2: need to start a group. So all of that information
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  Speaker 2: is there as well, of course, and then we've got
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  Speaker 2: our online course that we've just launched earlier this year
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  Speaker 2: for free for Florida State residents, the Four Habits of
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  Speaker 2: Successful Solo Parenting, and you'll find that there as well
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  Speaker 2: for free. It's a seven module course. You can do
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  Speaker 2: it at your own leisure. That sort of thing that
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  Speaker 2: it takes you through kind of some four habits that
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  Speaker 2: single parents can establish to kind of get through day
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  Speaker 2: to day life and help become the best version of themselves,
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  Speaker 2: not just for themselves in their communities, but also for
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  Speaker 2: their kids. So we've got lots of free resources there,
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  Speaker 2: but definitely come connect with us and learn more.
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  Speaker 1: I would Again I'm guessing, but the financial component and
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  Speaker 1: the childcare component have to be the most frequently talked
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  Speaker 1: about or maybe the biggest hurdles for single parents.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I mean, the financial strain on single parents is significant,
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  Speaker 2: especially in the state of Florida. We have seen how
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  Speaker 2: average income for single parents is around twenty seven thousand
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  Speaker 2: a year for single parents in the state of Florida,
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  Speaker 2: and that is significantly lower than the average household income
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  Speaker 2: in America. And so the financial strain is real. And
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  Speaker 2: then of course when it comes to childcare, I mean,
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  Speaker 2: people are paying more in childcare than they pay for
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  Speaker 2: their mortgage or for their rent payment, you know, and
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  Speaker 2: it's just I mean, it's impossible for single parents to
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  Speaker 2: cover all of those expenses, and so it is a
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  Speaker 2: very real struggle. We don't necessarily, we don't we aren't
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  Speaker 2: a benevolence organization. We focus more on the emotional mental
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  Speaker 2: health right of single parents. But you know, there the
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  Speaker 2: resources out there. You know, we can we can try
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  Speaker 2: to make connections in any sort of way, but for
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  Speaker 2: the most part, we're focused on that emotional and mental
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  Speaker 2: health side of things. And so you need somewhere to
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  Speaker 2: come and complain about your financial you know, straight and
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  Speaker 2: all of that. We got to that we you know,
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  Speaker 2: we aren't a benevolent organization.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think for many just knowing how
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  Speaker 1: to navigate and knowing, for example, that there might be
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  Speaker 1: programs that offer subsidies and help for childcare in certain circumstances.
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  Speaker 1: I think just knowing you're not alone. You know, there's
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  Speaker 1: an old expression misery loves company, and I think that
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  Speaker 1: that awareness is really helpful to a lot of parents
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  Speaker 1: out there that find themselves in this spot.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, and we do we do cover you know,
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  Speaker 2: in our groups, we talk about a lot of the
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  Speaker 2: topics that we're covering every week, and from time to
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  Speaker 2: time throughout the year, we'll talk about finances because we
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  Speaker 2: know that you know how to make a budget even
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  Speaker 2: or how to save when you can't make an end
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  Speaker 2: meet you know, talking about those sorts of things together
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  Speaker 2: is really helpful and giving ideas. And we have some
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  Speaker 2: single parents who have really found habits and things that
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  Speaker 2: they've been able to do to help start saving towards
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  Speaker 2: retirement again and you know, start have a budget and
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  Speaker 2: do these different things or how to make extra income
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  Speaker 2: on the side. And our community is really robust and
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  Speaker 2: that people are able to pull kind of pull things
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  Speaker 2: together and say, hey, this is what I you know,
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  Speaker 2: this is what works for me, maybe it'll work for
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  Speaker 2: you too.
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  Speaker 1: That's where those shared experiences in that community that you've
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  Speaker 1: talked about all morning, it matters so much. Elizabeth, thank
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  Speaker 1: you for what you and the others are doing with
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  Speaker 1: solo Parent. Appreciate the resources, and thanks for taking time
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  Speaker 1: for us this morning.
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  Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I appreciate you having me.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Elizabeth Cole with US vice president
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  Speaker 1: soloparent dot org slash Florida. And again, I think that
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: component we just hit on it there at the end.
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  Speaker 1: Others and their experiences and ideas invaluable. Twenty seven past
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  Speaker 1: the hour we come back. Riley Gaines will join us
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  Speaker 1: next on the Morning Show with Preston Scott